The Acolyte Review Only Fans Star Wars Parody - Season 1 Episode 6 

This is chick porn

The power of Manny

If I may invoke the old Expanded/Legends Universe Lore. Cortosis is a rare metal that disables Llightsabers and there are other Dark Side groups other than the Sith. Dark Jedi is a term used to refer to run of the mill Jedi who fall to the Dark Side. An order of Jedi called the Jedi Shadows where charged with hunting them in the Old Republic. They like the Jedi Sentinels used Yellow Lightsabers. Since Disney has no original ideas they steal from the Legends Universe which did it all first and did it all better than Disney.

Are you forgetting Amandla is Gay ?

Leslie is writing what she knows, delivering young women to an evil naked man.

@VDViktor Don't you know? Creepy men = bad. Creepy women = good.

That’s what Japanese anime is for

They have similar scenes in film and TV, not hard to imagine actually.

Isn't there like a whole subgenre of books like that? You know with a shirtless guy that looks like Fabio on their covers? Lol

Then it would be an anime 😜

Without double standards they wouldn't have any standards at all.

They want to have both the male and female gaze

Oh no, not just dudes with their shirts off. One dude without his shirt for absolutely no reason in-world at all, and the other _butt fricken naked, while some chick creepily stares at him._ Seriously, she thought he didn’t know she was there, and she wasn’t even looking to take him by surprise, she just wanted to peep him. That’s so gross, like at least what happened to leia was justified in the plot and she ends up using her own chain as an advantage. More than anything else, that was a girlboss moment. What on earth was this??

@@DannyDevitoOffical-TrustMeBro Pandering to the gay audiences

Ridicolous… i want them both naked 😜

If anything, the helmet is more expressive. At least it has a smile

@@DelightfullyMADD And the helmet has the excuse that it cannot move 🤣

Fact, I wasn't sure if she'd put it on or not.

@@theelder4797 Leslie gleefully claims to be on the darkside, of course her self-insert was going to put it on.

I'm honestly trying to decide who's the worst actress, Amandla or Kristen Stewart.... at least Kristen tried to emote ...

Is she going to have a Zoolander moment with a 2nd expression?

She's very good at being herself...even when she's supposed to be acting.

It's amazing how much she's been able to achieve in acting while afflicted with complete facial paralysis. I mean, Sly Stallone has nothing on her.

You are obviously a misogynistic racist hater, otherwise you would remember her incredible emotional performance in this clip when she managed to somewhat roll her eyes. Acting for the ages.🙄

@@harbl99 To be fair, I remember in the 70's Lee Majors being described as having two expressions: grim and not so grim. Can go pretty far it you have more than one.

"We need to pull the thread of advertising and use power of many money"

The Farce is Finished. 🤨👍

"I love Disney... which is why I'm buying DVDs on Ebay instead of watching their channel."

@@steveouk90126 Me too

There is an asteroid field where SW used to be.

that made me laugh out loud

It’s „Guyladriel“ though for ROP.

Not even going to make a comment on her not swimming😂

(neither) Sky is the limit for strong independent womyn. Nor the bottom of the sea.

To be fair Osha was the 'good twin' her sister was evil from birth basically.

The power of dick

​@starkiller1289 smh that's the opposite of to be fair. You're just adding salt to the wound lmao

Being 5% less corrupted technically is being less corrupted

The power of sith sausage

Season finale: the sisters have a sleepover and create a new force baby. Write what you know, right lesbian Headlamp?

I don't think Harvey had an ounce of that 😂...He used 💰, the promise of roles in Hollywood 🤢 and for a time, I guess was too powerful within the industry to stop.

@@wolfmauler I wasn't saying Harvey was doing that, but you can count on a Lesbian Headlamp to think black ailing MEN over sexual perversions is not only acceptable, but preferred under feminism.

@@wolfmauler It's more the other people who got to join his parties who provided the sex appeal for the women. I don't even know how much he himself partook but he was an organizer. And I'm sure he fulfilled his promises to at least some people.

Hybristophilia

Yeah you need to un-arm him instead.

i think the idea of it was supposed to be 'corrupt someone to the dark side'.

She could still try. Give us something to look at.

@@taddad2641Imo kind of dumb for a franchise where all Jedi in the core movies have been shown to be warriors that will harm their enemies of needed. Hell, Mace Windu wanted to kill Palpatine once he was defeated, knowing full well what a Sith is capable of even though they vanished over thousand years ago.

Beyond that it's even dumber, we know hes killed multiple people- Jedi nonetheless- so whether he's armed or not should be irrelevant. The Jedi are suppose to be "peacekeepers". How can you keep the peace if you refuse to fight the bad guys and protect other people when you can only use your weapon when they are imminently trying to kill you? It would be like tracking down a serial killer but refusing to consider using deadly force just because the serial killer doesn't have a weapon literally in their hand. It's beyond ridiculous. Of course Darth Punk should've been arrested in the second episode, since the Jedi knew he knowingly aided and abetted at least one count of premeditated murder, but he was let off with a warning... so that's the level of logic in this show. The Jedi went from being the defenders of the Republic to being the unironically the worst police force ever. I'd take Reno 911 or Super Troopers over these guys any day.

The show should have been about him and Sol.

He is pretty good and he is wasted in this. That being said I hope he'll get noticed.

@@latetotheparty7551 true.. if you just remove the twins and all their screentime, the show would instantly become 3x better .. smilo ren actor really can act on more levels and hes even better than sol if u ask me .. and as a villain he seems actually competent and cool.. khmm khmm looking at you thrawn

Yes. Completely wasted. Same with Sol and X-23. Same with Carrie Ann Moss who in my view completely got shafted for agreeing to do this for 4 minutes screentime. Show should have been just about these four people, with a male lead, either Sol or Darth Bortles.

@@boletop6204 You know it's bad when removing the main character would immediately make the show better. 🤣

I work at a warehouse and now I will giggle inside every time I see that big old board on the wall. And it is overlooked and forgotten, just like this show will be the instant they stop making it. This, taking into the fact how long Lesbian Headlamp worked as The Personal Assistant To Harvey Weinstein, may never be, considering the amount of blackmail material she has acquired.

Occupation Safety and Health Administration

You and me both, sir 😂

Health

Got it wrong chief

😂😂😂

The Bill Cosby bottle

Leslie just has to have video/audio evidence of some horrifying stuff.

@@theredranger9723 By actual accounts, most of the women who accused Cosby retracted their statements under questioning and only a couple were heard in court and of those most sounded more like regret rather than he committed a crime.

​@@M-S_4321I don't know, she didn't work for him very long.

If this doesn't delete 'Star Wars', Charmin Ultra's 'New Jedi Order' Rey movie will. She has even fewer credentials than Headland, but checks far more boxes.

@@nexus_of_a_crisis A Rey movie is DOA. It's nothing better than The Marvels 2.0. Even Favreau's Mando & Grogu is not promising at this point. They just burned their very last brownie points with the Ejacolyte.

This has to appeal to Gen Alpha because everyone else had checked out.

Plus anytime _in the past_ someone tinkered with a droid they had to be opened up. Really the technology in Star Wars comes across as very analogue (except for maybe when R2 is hacking into stuff).

She should have first called the Hotline in India and gotten instructions on how to do it!

@@alexmuenster2102 lol. 'Hello, you've reached Blue Milk Technologies, where can I direct your call?'

No, they absolutely don't.

Uh oh looks like someone let her hidden hetero normative feelings for an evil boss *cough* Weinstein *cough* show. Whoopsies 😊🤭

I've known numerous lesb1ans in my life. Most of them still showed, or even expressed, thirstiness over some dude. A number of them had children. Usually expressed when the enforcer in their les group weren't there to chastise them for such forbidden thoughts against the sisterhood. 😄

​@@NefariousKoel I can believe that. A lot of them probably dated shitty guys and just became lesbian because they were jaded.

@@NefariousKoel I've had sex with a number of "lesbians," but they weren't butch dyke types, they're a different breed. The lesbians I had sex with only called themselves lesbians because if they said they were bi or fluid, the butch dyke they were dating would've beaten them senseless. Loads of violence in a lot of same s*x relationships. A lot of fluidity in sexual relationships. lol

I can attest to this with some of my friends. ​@@AdonanS

Her wife will be revealed to have gone a-murderin' but somehow will redeem herself. Good AND bad, dontchaknow. Like all of us, dontchaknow. We're ALL evil, but are capable of good, dontchafreakinknow. The World According to Leslye Headband

@@PettyCrow-n9c of course she loves villains. She was the personal assistant of one of the biggest villains in Hollywood.

​@@Quazi-moto 'Reject decency, return to scissoring.' -Lesbian Headlamp, probably

@@Gyrfalcon312lmaoooo

In a marriage everything is a gie and take. She got a role, Leslie got a ..protégé.

💯

Obi Wan loves cutting things off, Darth Maul, the bug in Ep2 and Anakin in Ep3.

Because if they did the show would’ve ended at episode 1

The obsession only exists so Mae can win a fight against them

Goes to show that they knew nothing about the source material beyond the surface imagery, and just filled in with whatever they thought would make the plot work (it didn't).

Do you think it"s a coincidence that she's a member of the canonical Star Wars species that looks like a cucumber?

@@Jonas-lj8uloh. Cucumber. Lesbians. I…hm. I say no more. 😅

The quirk is that they had to follow the High Republic books to find someone to borrow. So yes, they picked someone that was close enough to fill the role. It’s a bold choice to take over the most popular character in a very dull book and comic series. Sic.

When Kathryn assigned Leslie the Acol. project including the auditioning: ''Dear Diary, ..Jackpot!''

​@@Toliman.Nobody read those Disney made high republic books.

Right!? At this point, it would probably be more entertaining with telenovela dialogue dubbed over it. El Acólito: Hermanas Brujas de la Pasión!

I would like to know the opinion of blind people when they hear that? obviously it looks like p@rn

​@@makeyourmark00😂

it confirmed its writen for chicks like danika(iq)19

@@makeyourmark00 El Lado Hormonal de la Fuerza.

🤣

Lmao my grandmother is Filipino. This comment is gold

I hate how much this works. Really wish Manny's epic villain debut was in a much better show.

​@@crypto66But this show gives him a chance to showcase the power of Manny.

@@davidbaugh3778 *Andrew Dice Clay voice* : "Nicey nice! Look at you ova hea, huh? Fuckiiin beautiful."

And not reporting back a new dark force user has been found

It's so the plot can happen. Can't have a Sith slaughter if there ain't no bodies 😁

@@wolfmauler You know, if they did the story by numbers it would be better. Hell, color inside the effing lines and the story would be okay. It's not even coherent. It's like Headlamp got high on her own farts and started writing.

@@heavyhebrew 💩🤣

@@wolfmauler Exactly. He _has_ to make dumb decisions so the other Jedi can suspect him.

At least she's in good company with the writers.

This show has clearly been dissected and reassembled several times. Its safe to assume at least one of her scenes was retooled from the footage of what was suppose to be the other sister.

I thought the same thing.

That's actually true, I think. It's almost like they should've gotten a better actor... and writer... maybe they shouldn't have made this at all lol

It's either that or they rewrote the scenes

Pretty sure that's actually true for at least part of the production team

Filler. And they needed something that Thing #1 could do, to try to pass herself off as Thing #2, even though she was discovered moments later

Because the writers aren't very good at writing

@@the_absurd_hero Ugh, that's your answer to everything. I'm not saying it's wrong but still...

@@TJCID22 Please allow me to phrase it another way: Why does anything happen in The Acolyte? I would ask the writers, but I doubt they would even have the answers. Nothing in the show is properly set up, merited, or consistent within itself (never mind canon). It’s one of the reasons why all the choppy, brief, bulimic D+ series and episodes are so troublesome (besides the terrible writing), there’s simply never enough time to develop the boring characters, thin plots, ships that suddenly stop working, or even let dramatic scenes breathe properly. It’s just “and then this happened, and then that, and then this… girl power! The end. Thanks for watching, bi*ots!”

@@NRES-ted Everything happens because the Force wills it. By which I mean the script.

It's the "being bad is cool" stereotype. They know he's the bad guy, but he looks so attractive so it's ok. The "I can fix him" lines or "he looks too sexy to be bad" are the very lines they usually use here.

You are not supposed to have a bad boy phase or be attracted to if you have a strong male role model. The problem is both sexes now mostly lack a strong male role model in their lives so all we get are immature boys thinking dark triad personalities are masculinity and women thinking hypergamy is now feminity. Hollywood gleefully exacerbates the entire slide, greasing the skids so to speak.

Mussolini, Stalin and Austrian painter made the mistake of not being hot, misunderstood and of course, having a tragic backstory.

@@Lonovavir Wait a second. Mussolini was the definition of edgyboy "Socialism is weak, we need masculine energy, here, have some fascism, its totally not gay, the uniforms are just sharp, okay?" Stalin was the epitome of the Pick Me Guy, he did everything to get the attention of Lenin, but he was such a tryhard no one else wanted to be his friend, so he went FullD ark Josef mode and killed everyone in his way after Lenin died. To the point he had Trotsky killed with an axe, in Mexico City. And Austrian painter? He is them, literally every single one of them, the frustrated creative mad af at the world who can't see his genius. But the Austrian painter came from the German military intelligence tasked with watching German veteran groups, the one he was tasked with was? NSDAP. Literally German DIA took over a political group and turned it into a force in 20 years because several perverts and communists wouldn't stop.

This is what happens when the XX takes over script writing.

🤣🤣🤣👏👏👏👍

It was mentioned once, in this one book, that we released afterwards to cover our butts

cortosis is fine as a material this is another one of those "drinker learns there are witches in star wars" moments

Books they declared as no longer canon...unless they need to steal better writing, better ideas, from better writers.

@@Monkchelle_Kongbama Nah, it's stupid. So are the witches. I understand that, compared to Disney Star Wars, even the worst of the EU seems like gold, but that doesn't mean much of it isn't pretty shoddy itself.

The characters cease to exist when the scene ends.

Jedi Master Nepo is hard to look at and her acting is non-existent. I wonder how she got that role? 🤣

@@ericfinley220 the makeup and the personality are cringe

@@ericfinley220 I can’t look at her without thinking of that cringe ass video where she’s flapping like a bird in a mating dance

Oh is she a leader? I thought she was a random Jedi that just happened to be Sol's friend, lol. But no surprise, she really is one of the worst actors in the show, from the clips shown.

She's right up there with Star Trek fan episode acting 🙄

Plot armor and a bunch of red shirts.

Perfect gamer excuse to explain losing... Smilo Ren attacked them when their network was lagging.

The same way a fire can burn in space, according to Disneys Star Wars

If the one guy is General Grievous...

@@Sky-xd2nu It wasn't lag, my monitor turned off because I got hacked also this is a new controller/mouse and the sun glare was in my eyes and my cat jumped on my keyboard and you're clearly using hax and cheats! Also yes lag.

I’m pretty sure he wanted more arm reveal, not less, after he’d done the work to get that buff. He wanted to stomp his geeky looking Asian dude character from The Good Place image into the ground and I think he’s succeeded.

It was the cat wiggle clip that got me this time.

@@DH-xw6jp I enjoyed that one too. I was surprised not to see Shaq afterward, ha ha.

I'm old enough to remember when you'd want a good piece of written erotica to occupy your time, while you waited for Karen McDougal to de-pixelate.

Why seven? Because Qimir trims his cubes.

Oh yeah and it only get worse when you think about how Sol saids that they need to find Osha. Who he just left on that planet. So why didn’t he just land again and look for her. Where are they going? Why did he jump away somewhere? Like he knows that smilo has her lol

Yeah ... none of it makes sense.

"Don't ask questions, just consume product"

And the little motorola droid

Because these aren’t people they’re just NPCs relaying scripted voice lines. A manga/anime where the mc’s face is covered has more facial expressions than these bots.

He puts more energy into his pissing on their bs, than they ever do in the show.

@@heavyhebrew Oh, they put in energy alright, but it was energy that wasn't usefully transferred or transformed.

Woman here. Idk who tf Leslie is friends with that she thinks woman like this crap show, but they're lying to her.

Probably how her dad's Sperm felt!

Oh she drank some fluid alright,but there was no mystery about it. 😏

She knows exactly where she woke up. At Leslie's.

😂😂😂😂

Why would a Jedi want to destroy trees 🌳 just to show off?

Nothing strange here just a girl staring at a naked man's "flesh saber" in a "kids show".

Nostalgia Critic: "A family show!" Me: "You know? Stat Wars, a kid's show!"

I commented that on FB and one of the shills was like, thankfully it's not for kids anymore. Our world is fkin doomed

​@@jaymea8907SW should make you feel like a kid at heart, while providing some excitement, laughs and dread. These Disney shows treat us like "children". There is a difference.

@@jaymea8907 The same shills that when you criticize it will reee "WhY R u sO oBSessEd wITh a kiDS sHoW biGoT?! JUST USE THE SLURS ALREADY YOU NAZI!!!"

He Smilo'd! He Smilo'd!

"The force is strong with him" "He is strong in the force" I'm sure there are other iconic ways of saying a character is a powerful force user. Why do they keep swaying away from the easy hits?

@@BoopaKing The power of the force, is strong with this one.

"Strong in the force, this one is." You can make something that sounds more melodious than what they managed while using Miltonic inversion (aka Yoda-speak). Bots, OTOH, don't understand euphony.

>>"His strength in the force is very powerful."

"His STRENGTH in the FORCE is very POWERFUL, so FORMIDABLY INFLUENTIAL and POTENT in its COMMANDING DOMINANCE." -- The Disney DEI Writers' Department of Redundancy Department

Interesting, I thought it was the reason Sidious easily clouded their vision, but no, honestly that makes sense, man, i wish Disney would actually use the material they own. It'd be neat to see a padawan take the trials underneath the temple and confront whatever they have to confront.

@@mikecvanarts it's also why Vader claimed Mustafar as his property once Sidious decided to grant him a reward for being a good sith(he did something in the books/comics, plus the stuff in the prequels)

Sith Bait as well They would love to access a Dark Side font, wouldn't they??

Oh my god is that why she looks familiar

@@cdntitan5056 yup

She has grown up into such a disappointment. She had so much potential and so many advantages and she wasted them all.

A lot of iconic and memorable movies from that time!

Chick flick. Self wallowing self generated drama

I just found out Hollywood is remaking 'Logan's Run', and remember what they did to 'Rollerball'.

@@nexus_of_a_crisis Oh nooo! Hollywood truly is out of ideas.

My source is that I made it the fuck up -Journalists

I noticed that too. Men who objectify women bad, women who objectify men good?

@Pressbutan Welcome to the modern world! Effenism, gynocentrism, and double standards abound!

Mercunte*

@@jasonchislett3282 I typed that, then wondered if my comment would be hidden or seem like spam.

And auditioned all the leads. Thoroughly. taught by the best.

like the Wookie's planet no one had ever visited that had a convenient bridge

By ignoring the possibility, or necessity, of justifying it.

He forgot, he only uses his braincells when the plot requires it.

The ability to sense things with the Force, which is one of the most foundational powers of the Force, only pops up occasionally, when they feel like it.

@@billjacobs521 or indeed to see a huge dartboard tattoo on someone's forehead.

Or not. Doesn't bother Osha any, so why should the audience care? 🤣

@@wolfmauler True, the surrounding characters aren't invested in those deaths, so the audience definitely shouldn't care.

While men push women out of their real life spaces, the most powerful women confine themselves to pushing men out of Star Wars 🤔

​@@wolfmauler I found the feminazi clown, everyone! 😂😂😂😂

​@@wolfmauler What are you talking about? What spaces are men pushing women out of?

@@AdonanS sports and now beauty pageants :)

They want revenge for "oppression", that never happened the way they claim. F.e. in the US and also here in Germany, most women didn't want the right to vote, because it meant responsibility, and it was more like 1 vote per family, not per man. Also I know, in a lot of US states the right to vote depended on, if you own property, a house or an apartment. If not, even as man, you couldn't vote. If you owned something, you could vote as women. It wasn't everywhere, but still. It's ridiculous, how feminists cry about something 100+ years ago, and how they lie, because f.e. here in Germany, we had an emperor until 1918, and women got the right to vote together with the men at 1918 after WW1. In most places, it's not like men had the right to vote for hundreds of years, and women got it far later. In most places, just a privileged class had the right to vote, and a general right to vote followed just a few years after this class got the right to vote. Same with drivers licences: The car was invented in the 19th century, in most places, you didn't need a drivers licence to drive it. Just when cars became more common, it was required. And women got the right to get one just a few years after it became law, that you need a licence to drive a car. With bank accounts: Most people didn't have bank accounts until the 20th century. Something like that was for the rich, and they weren't rich enough and had their money somewhere at home. The whole idea of saving money in bank accounts, paying things with that, is a 20th century thing, most people didn't have one, and women got the right to get one shortly after it became popular. It's the same with nearly everything, they complain about: It was exclusive, just for a few people. Then it became popular, and just a few years later, women got the right to do or have it. So they want revenge, and if you listen to feminists, you would assume, it's about centuries of oppression, while, in reality, it's a few years of not having equal rights. And it's a long time ago 🤷‍♂️

>>expecting a small blue box to suddenly turn up

Kylo wasn’t a clue?

​@Pressbutan even kylo wasn't this bad 😂

Star Wars isn't. The writer's room of the Lucasfilm Story Group is.

😂 perfect comment, op!

Maybe she's bi? Not that it makes the Show much better.

Details? meh...

Hey, logic is sexist!!

The only thing more powerful than Cortosis is Copium.

'Echo Chamber' and ''Itsagundam' are also top tier.

*signed*

Signed

...and my ax

That edit is SO funny! 🤣

$180 million, I think.

Beaver sidekick somehow found it on the ground during the last part of Ep5. How? Don't know? Why was beaver there? Don't know? Why would he pick it? Don't know? Beaver is just a plot contrivance like the rest of the show.

The rat they used to find the wookie picked it up.

🤫

@@MajorSmurf ah thanks. No one mentioned it so I was confused. Also how convenient.🙄

Don't forget that Cumberbatch had to work out for 3 months for a completely unnecessary 3 second sitting up in bed topless scene.. whereas Natalie Portman was literally female Thor but said "nah, not doing that" so they CGI'd her biceps.

This is the second best unexpected takeaway I will have from this mess of a show, after the audio readout of the swimming clip.

@@cattrucker8257 I couldn't stop laughing at that 🤣 🤣🤣

She and Rey need to have a blank-off for that title. Seriously though, while I do think the nepo baby can't act to save her life, I also think this is deliberate stage direction policy in Disney, female leads must be stony-faced and unflappable outwardly because that's their idea of a strong woman.