The Aftermath of a Traumatic Fatal | Retired Police Interceptor 

Another tough one this week; I have got some very exciting content in the pipeline, so be sure to subscribe if you haven't so you don't miss anything! There is also exclusive content on my Patreon, it’s a great place to send me any questions and any help goes a long way to producing these videos: www.patreon.com/benpearson My book "Handcuffed Emotions: A Police Interceptor's Drive Into Darkness" available now: amzn.to/3vGZvis

I joined police at same time as Ben. I’m in a position to say he’s one of my close friends and spent many hours socialising with him. I watch these videos and hearing these accounts for the first time. Hard to imagine all the many years I’ve known him that he’s never spoken about these things especially on nights out. Keep talking about it if it helps release those demons pal.

Now you understand why traffic cops get so angry when they see a driver speeding or behaving like a lunatic. They're the ones who have to peel you or someone you've hit off the floor. I couldn't do his job, I know I couldn't.

Ben you are an absolute inspiration talking about these stories and expressing how you felt. Strongest guy I know.

The emergency services aren't paid enough to deal with incidents like this.

I remember seeing a lady throw herself under the Piccadilly line at Turnham Green station. I told my girlfriend but she took it like it was a story. When you see it, it never leaves you and 24 years later I still need speech radio on at night to keep my mind occupied. I drink also. It's the sound of her high heel shoes as she made the leap that stays with me more than the aftermath. She was in bits and to some extent, so am I. All the best to you Ben

Ben is what I would to refer to as a real man, takes some serious gonads to sit in front of thousands of people and talk about this stuff. Big props to you Ben👊🏽

Coppers operate in a never ending war zone. Whilst the rest of the world goes about its business around them. They need much more support, it’s heart rending. I was so glad to hear you say at the end it helped you doing these videos ❤️

I'm ex army,2 tours of Afghanistan.ive never experienced anything like that.you deserve a medal mate.massive respect.

Bless you man. I’m a Belgian police officer and it’s heartwarming to see we all go through the same situations and feelings. It’s a hard job and most people forget that. Hope you’re doing well man. Greetings from Belgium.

Hey Ben, went to this same incident.... we turned out to this from Keighley fire station.... it was a horrible job. Never forget it :(

I found out my son took his life by a phone call when I was in Scotland, I’d just settled five days before in a new country, little village, didn’t know anyone. The trauma of the details of his death and the time leading up to it, my solo trip back to Vancouver un absolute shock replayed in my head driving me mad. I couldn’t function, sleep, think or feel. This lasted a year before I was diagnosed with PTSD. Once diagnosed I had two REMD treatments which helped me process the events and move them into the past rather than replay on a daily basis as if it happened every day. I very much recommend this therapy to anyone suffering trauma that doesn’t go away. I appreciate you expressing these thoughts Ben, male mental health is little talked about and there is too much suicides that could have been prevented if only men talked.

Sudden deaths, especially RTC's and suicides always got me....Not just the graphic nature of the outcome, but learning who they were, and giving the agony message, and seeing the impact that it had on those who were close to the deceased.

I was a nurse for 30 years and I've seen some stuff, this is on another level though, respect, healing and empathy from another public servant, you have more than done your bit.

"that's when I realised I don't want to deal with any more trauma" fair play to you mate, that point for me is stubbing my toe or something 😅 absolute legend

I’m a undertaker and can totally relate to this Rtc railway fatalities suicide, thank you for sharing your experiences 🙏

Dear Ben, this is complete horror, this is on your retina, you've seen too much, and carry so mutch with you, and you can never walk away from it, it always catches up with you, so telling about it, is indeed the best you could do, and it's so brave and human. I admire you for that, it's so strong . Thanks also too Josh.

It's so true, to put your hand up and say "Hay I need some help" is the most empowering thing you can do if your struggling with work or home life. Don't let others play down what you are feeling you are you and you know what you can and can't deal with. Great series Ben.

I can relate to the need to talk about trauma big time. I saw my dad die when I was 8 and when I was 21, I found my brother and unsuccessfully tried to resuscitate him. I was scared that I would revive him due to the time lapse/lack of oxygen to his brain (I had to break in through an upstairs window to reach him). It took me 27 years (last year in therapy) to really let rip about my bro. Talking - and feeling - is a must. Salute to you Ben.

now can you imagine what it's like to be in a war. My father drove an ambulance on the front lines in world war II in Italy. He was 20 years old. Can you imagine what he went through on a daily basis? Thank you for this and the horrible job that you had to do. I hope you get through it and come out on the other side healthy.

Keep talking Ben! You’re not only helping yourself, but other people too. Myself included ❤️☺️

One thing most people can take away is your a decent human being. As much as I love hearing your stories and find them interesting I'm happy to hear it helps you telling them. Keep them coming 👍

Biggest thing I did was ring the Samaritans on my kitchen floor in bits hardly being able to speak, saying I wanted to end it all to stop the pain and ghosts of the past. Glad to say I’m still here now been on meds but have come off them with docs advice. You are doing a stunning job by talking about the things in your rucksack etc. Bug respect and credit to you Ben 👏🙏

Your videos make me have so much more respect for police officers and any human in a job that sees this horror. Thank you for your service. Sincerely.

As a soldier, I have so much respect for emergency services. It’s a job I could never do. I can manage/justify death in war zones but seeing trauma like you have described would be soul destroying. You’re so right. We are human and we have emotions and we just aren’t designed to see certain things without repercussions. Thanks for sharing.

Omg I feel for u guys seeing stuff like this 😭 police officers need extra support

Ben the things you’ve shouldered, and continue to shoulder, has honestly recalibrated my appreciation for the police. There’s a couple of reasons why, but I’d lost that, along the way in life, and I’m grateful for what you’ve done, and for giving me that back. Thank you

On another video you told me to follow my dreams and that’s exactly what I did. My application for a pcso was accepted, they’re wanting me to go in for assessments and a in-force interview! Seeing your videos inspired me even more! Everything you’re doing is helping other people, you’re an inspiration X

I have to say i think you are AMAZING ! speaking as a trauma sufferer i know your feeling to well, when i was 14 and lived in the middle of nowhere literally our closest neighbor was miles away, someone broke into our house and stabbed me, im now 55 and still cant open the door or go outside after dark, nightmares that wont end, please stay strong Ben we all love you

There are police officers who see things that once seen can never ever be forgotten and they lock those images in a little black box and put it away in the basement of their mind and attempt to carry on as normal. So next time an officer pulls you over for something, he is trying not to add anymore to his little black box as it is quite full already.

Nothing but complete and utter respect to you Ben. I am 21 and joining the police. Your videos give a great and detailed insite. Thank you

A ride in a Northumbria county car at 9 years old in 1973 started my obsession with wanting to be a traffic officer. It was my dads best friend Ken, a larger than life character. He gave me an early morning lift to my grans in a Mk1 3.0 Granada with a quick blast of blues and two's, the sound of that V6 and the sheer excitement still gives me the same feeling now aged 56. Ben, having watched your films, all I can say is thank god I didn't follow my childhood dream. I'd be a wreck by now. I chose the bass guitar instead, what an easy life! I've always appreciated what lads like you do but these films are beyond anything I've watched regarding real policing. Bless you, a total inspiration

It’s a shame to think people are quick to judge an officer who may be a little snappy and what not, and not even think maybe there’s a deeper reason which is the real reason as to why they’re acting the way they are! Both my dad and granddad were serving police officers and both had/have their demons! Honestly chap you’re standing at the forefront of not only highlighting the true affect years of service has on an officer but also proving talking is sometimes the best medication. Real inspiration!

It is not a natural thing to see dead bodies or people dying in front of you.....it is common for first responders be it highway patrol police or in Australia the rural fire service to be first on scene, and after a period of time being exposed to the drama and death, people just want to avoid it. Courage is like a bank account, at every fatal, a little bit of cash is withdrawn, some have more cash than others, eventually the account is empty and it is time to move on from the job. Thank you Ben for openly discussing the issues that are faced as a first responder, to bring home that not everyday on the job is a good one.

The instant you said we went searching with torches it reminded me of a head on with multiple fatalities we attended that involved a missing infant who had been unrestrained on the lap of a mother who was passenger. Mother was the only survivor. I understand what you are trying to convey.

Glad that you're able to talk about this major element of your life. You're a strong guy.

Nothing short of a legend. Thank you for everything you have done throughout your career to keep us safe. Much love

Always glad to see a new video. Even if it’s on a sad topic. Keep going, great your talking about your experiences.

Straight up OG!! Hooked watching this content keep em coming pal!

Thank you for being so open Ben 💜

Hooked through every episode, great story telling Ben

My guy, thank you for doing these videos, I can't even begin to imagine how accidents like this have effected you in the long run, big up for speaking up x

Thank you for sharing Ben :)

It’s empathy Ben, you care, and it’s as simple as that. People say you become desensitised, and in the moment you do, it’s your job and you have to do things you don’t want to do, but you would never ask a colleague to step in and do it because again, you’re thinking it’s your task and why put them through it when their next job could be an RTC with a child involved. I hate to keep bring my Dad up, but he’s dead now and there’s no family left who I can talk about him with. After I passed out from Basic he felt he could share things, and he did share a lot of things he was carrying around with him, but in the ‘80’s there were no counsellors, just you and your bag, bin or Bergen. His first fatal were an elderly couple, motorbike and sidecar vs bus in a contra flow during construction of the Mersey tunnels. 1 deceased on scene, the elderly woman, and she was “a bit light” said a senior constable gesturing to her still sat in this sidecar, then gesturing for my dad to go walkabout to find the silver, open-faced helmet - the husband had the presence of mind to shout as my dad went wandering off in search. Nearly 100 yards away he finds it, contents unrecognisable as human. The only thing that stuck with him for 20 years, was the weight of it, like a bowling ball, it rolled like one as well. He carried it back, his arms aching. His next was a contra flow again on the M53 - he came to dread them for the rest of his career - he drank to offload, but it was retiring that finished him properly mentally, because all his pals still had each other and the job - my dad had mates visiting him at home. The absolute finisher was two colleagues in the central reservation examining the scene of an earlier RTC (RTA’s back then) when another pensioner has.a heat attack at the wheel and wiped them both out - he cried for 3 straight days, two bobbies, close friends, gone whilst on duty on the M53, he didn’t have his mates around him all consoling each other, he was never quite the same after that, and on the anniversary he’d just sit in his chair the entire day staring, thinking, staring..... the only other time he cried was when I left home by train to go for Basic Training in Reading - and he whispers as he’s hugging the life out of me (Don’t let me down son).... and I didn’t. His final words were about a year later, home on leave, we we’re having a pint together and he said “You’re big enough to fill my shoes now son” - the next morning he was gone, by his own hand, and there was the gift of my bin, and it’s first item. I lasted until I was 40 before the lid wouldn’t go back on, I’m 51 now and when your brain farts like that, it never quite goes back together the same. You’re helping me Ben because I’ve still got some weight to offload. You’re a true inspiration and I respect and admire what you’re doing, because it can’t be easy mate, but it will help you. You and many others. You keep it coming, without feeling obligated lol. Take care of yourself. Stay frosty, and thank you!

Oh dude! 🥺 Sending you a massive hug xx

We look forward to Friday's to watch your videos ben keep up the good work

I'm so happy that this channel is taking off! I love to see a proper decent channel with worthwhile content. Well done lads and lasses,you're doing a cracking job

Ben, your an absolute legend for speaking out , keep talking , keep lightening the load of your shoulders, I completely get the cup is full and it needs to be emptied ... keep doing what your doing . So much respect for you.

Ben you’re such an inspirational person. I really appreciate your stories and these videos. They help me with my own demons. Fantastic work as always. Thank you

Ayy up Ben,good vlog,had your book bought for my Birthday,Really good book.

Ben, thank you for your video. You are a remarkable individual who has so much integrity and compassion, the tragic series of incidents you have carried around in your backpack must have been so heavy and overloaded. You are an inspiration, your family must be so proud of you. Keep safe bless you!💕

I wish I didn’t find this channel so early I’ve already binged watched it all so interesting and real

I just want to say thank you for sharing your experiences. It's very therapeutic not just for you, but for us. However, you touched on a point about how it's not possible for people to just "deal with it" and we all have a breaking point. It's an interesting topic because there are people who can seemingly be exposed to trauma without apparent effects. Maybe they accepted the sociopathic coping mechanisms that tend to arise from such traumatic careers or some people are completely able to compartmentalise their lives. For instance, some soldiers just don't have PTSD. It could be the dehumanisation training, or just something about the person. I feel this is something that needs research and attention. People like you shouldn't have to carry such weight. There has to be something we can do as humans.

So glad these videos are helping you Ben I'm sure they will be helping others too

Thanks for sharing this insight Ben. Lots of respects for your time invested in helping society. Always know that those watching your uploads, and that's many, appreciate you and what you have done and been through. Enjoy the rest of your life to the fullest. You deserve it. - James, Toronto, ON CANADA.

I really look forward to your videos, Ben. Thank you for sharing even though I know it’s tough. We all have our demons, some are different to others. I find listening to you helps me acknowledge my own demons and confront them. Thank you for making me better! 😊

Ben, can I just say thank you to you for discussing this the way you do. You put and say things in such a way that help other emergency service workers deal with trauma that they experience. The way you explain things helps others create and get more tools to help them. You are making an impact world wide. Love and thanks from a firefighter in Australia.

Ben, my utter respect for you in having to deal with horrendous situations like that, in order to help the surviving family members and to know you'd do it for me & my family... my gratitude has me welling up here. Thankyou thankyou thankyou Ben, and the same goes to all your colleagues. May you and your family remain well. Bless you Ben 🥲👏🙏

This is such a brave video!! Ben you are amazing 🥰 I’m such a big fan and have followed your journey, hearing you talk about places local to me is mind blowing. You are an incredible brave man!!x

Another cracking video, cheers Ben. Looking forward to the jackmate podcast

Ben. Thank you so much for your channel, especially after watching you and the team over the years on TV. Having seen my father retire on medical grounds after 27 years on Traffic through PTSD, I can hear his words echoed in this video. It’s only when he eventually sought help and open up, did a number of traumatic events come up that he had not processed. His cup was full after a short return to work. These things are best tackled early and sharing your experience will only help others come forward. Thank you and please keep the videos coming. 👍🏻

Massive respect to you Ben. You are a massive inspiration for been able to talk about your experiences...fair play

I'm glad this outlet is helping Ben. Since watching your videos it's widened? my view on my own multi trauma PTSD and I believe a good part of the added strength or confidence to seek someone out and deal with one of my greatest situations, the brutal death of a pregnant girl. I've not felt such a release for years. I just want to say thanks buddy, keep healing yourself because it's helping others, I can't be the only one your helping....the Military community, those like myself who where exposed over many years to repeated exposure could learn a lot from your approach. Peace Charlie 🇬🇧

You are doing the world a great service with these talks.

Omg ,how the hell have you coped seeing what you've seen . We dont realise the scenes you've seen . Your an inspiration . I lost a very close family member young lad on addingham by pass last year . Seeing the damage of his vehicle was enough but to see the what you've seen i can't imagine . Your one brave man x

This guy is an absolute star, I feel his pain as I'm going through C.B.T. for severe P.T.S.D. and it's not easy. I can't talk about what happened to me yet but Ben has inspired me that one day i will and that will be a massive step. Thank you pal you are an inspiration.

Thanks for sharing Ben.

How awful ..I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this for so long but thank you; without people like you what on earth would we do? Thank you thank you. 😔🖤

Absolutely love these videos. Shows the unseen side of policing, so inspiring well done Ben and all your colleagues. Much respect ✊

Massive respect to you Ben for speaking out about what you have been through it helps massively in encouraging men to seek help and to let them know it's OK to be struggling keep up the great work mate

You can really feel the pain and emotion when watching,I hope talking is really helping you get better and that it can help others too

This is an extremely valuable video in many ways , don’t bottle it in, be a good human 🙏🏼

Ben I’m in tears here of what you have gone through. I have the upmost respect for you to be talking about this.

Ben, thank you brother....another heart felt testimony! I agree; run of the norm sudden deaths don't compare to the jobs that we have to go to involving massive trauma. They literally are scenes that people can muster up in their worse nightmares. My first train hit will haunt me forever. Having to scour the track for bits of arm, head, leg is utterly destroying. Thank you for having the bottle to speak out. Keep going mate.

Massive respect Mate. I hope this does help you in a big way and I also hope that it helps people realise that behind the uniform, it's just normal people who have experienced horrors that the vast majority of us will never experience in our life time. Never judge a book by its cover, as they say.

Hat’s of to you Ben these stories are what stops me from joining man and not just your stories but family members stories as well and i get what you mean about the trauma from suicide know a ex BR head Engineer and he had to deal with the same things, was surprised when he opened up about it on a shift and he said it helped.. so much respect for you not bottling it up anymore bro❤️

an unlit, broken-down, van is what took my father's life when i was 6 months old when he hit the back of it. Its horrendous that these sorts of things happen and my heart goes out to the police officers who have to deal with this on a daily basis

You are a hero Ben. I stand back in amazement at all the good stuff you've done. I don't know how you've coped. Bless you mate, Well done.

Huge respect to you Ben for having the bottle to talk about this to us all, takes a real man to do that. You've seen a lot in your career as a Police Man, but what I can tell from these videos, is that you are a top bloke. Keep talking Ben as it not only helps you, but us too. Stay safe Ben!

Massive respect to you Ben for being so open to us on camera👍

Just listening to you talking about these experiences the horrific sights you have seen just amaze me how a human being does process and deal with it like, you say talking about it helps and it certainly shows me it takes a very special person to do the job you did Ben stay safe and take care of yourself ❤

Used to watch you all the time literally the only show I watched on tv. Great example to anyone wanting to join. Discussing the real events that we don’t see on tv. Icon 💪

Thank you for talking about these things. i’m 17 and wanting to come into the police force but listening to your stories have really gave me an eye opener of what i could expect on the job.

You are a wonderful person Ben you have seen things that will be with you always but as you say talking about it through your great videos are a way for you to heal.keep the videos coming I love listening to you God Bless you xx

Watched your video last night Ben, well filmed again your recollections, respectful, heartfelt, disturbing, honest I'm glad the videos are helping you. Looking forward to the next one, be careful, jyst getting ready for another fun packed shift traversing the building site otherwise known as Leeds amongst other highlights. Best wishes. Ben 🙏🚍🚌🇬🇧😁

Insightful and impactful as always Ben🙏❤️ thanks as always for sharing your wealth of knowledge and experience👍

Your honesty is inspirational, both for sharing to help people with PTS understand that they are not broken, and for other people to learn about the consequences of their actions. You are a good person and you should be proud of your service to society.

As honest as it gets. Can’t even imagine carrying that around! But thanks for sharing hopefully can change someone’s driving mindset.

I have so so soooo much respect for you doing these videos and everything you say makes complete sense. Im bipolar and the train story had been running through my mind for a good few years.. One of the main reasons for not doing it was the horror for good people like yourselves having to deal with the consequences. You are an inspiration, and your stories and points you make are really inspiring. Keep it up. Im glad you're happier now too :) Big love 💪👍

Much love and Respect keep talking brother ♥️

Your a hero hon. Thank you for all you have done for us.

great video man. You are still helping people just in a different way.

Adding another comment but when I watch episodes of the programmes you were on, on tv. You would never imagine how things went for you, was my favourite in police interceptors for being known as benny boy but now with the channel it’s changed how I watch it all

Awesome as always keep climbing that mountain.stay strong and well big hugs

Another interesting story Ben I really do look up to someone like you. You're an absolute inspiration to me. This story sounds horrific and I can't imagine how that felt pulling up on scene to multiple fatals or any fatal especially the one within your story. So thank you for sharing your story. I respect everything you've done for this country. As always Ben thank you for your service and Keep up the fantastic work 👍💪🇬🇧

Sir ; my respect and genuine compassion goes To you ; thank you for firstly being honest and open on a situation beyond most people’s comprehension. Awful and horrific to hear these stories . My deepest respect to you and anyone else genuinely serving community . Bless you mate

I can still see, and will probably always see, my first traumatic fatality (ambulance service). Person v train. Thank you for sharing your experience with jobs like this. Glad you've been able to talk and find some resolution.

Thank you my friend for your past police service and take care.

Thanks for doing the job. Hope you keep healing up. And thanks for talking about it.

This is hard to listen too. Honestly can’t imagine seeing this… thanks for your time protecting us from these horrific scenarios..