THE AVOIDANCE OF ANXIOUS ATTACHERS 

Could you both be FA?

lol I was ahead of myself. I think the moment at 58:10 answers this. Edit: Okay, after thinking about this more. I think the question still kind of stands. Both anxious and fearful avoidants can have huge moments of self-doubt and self-sabotage relationships as they are forming, based on the idea that they are not lovable/the other person can do better/etc. Is this just the fearful avoidant tapping into their anxious side when this happens or is there clear delineation when an FA pulls back/self-sabotages vs when an anxious attacher does exactly the same?

I'm definitely avoidant, but I relate a lot to this video (and what you have described)

It's not uncommon. It turns out that those who have sexual compulsion, regardless of attachment, are extremely problematic in a relationship. It's something very serious and a way of dealing with trauma -- very common being sexual abuse in childhood or adolescence. I repeat, it's not about sex, it's about trauma. Also, the tendency to cheat is great. These people need psychotherapy for many years. Their fight is very difficult! Ken has FAs videos.

@@sushisam3010thank you so much for responding. I really appreaciate it. And I will look for the FA video :)

Mine is both an alcoholic and a sex addict. Both currently untreated. My life is a nightmare.

@@Loversinadangeroustime There are people who romanticize sex addiction. This is a trauma response. It's not sex, it's emotional pain and despair. The obsession is so great that the person needs to do the act to get relief. But the obsession doesn't end and the person restarts the cycle. Very common sexually transmitted diseases and insane risk of getting HIV. Some people don't even know they are compulsive, they just think they have high libido. Compulsion is when sex/food/games starts to interfere in the way of your life, your daily life. Many teenagers, who are still emotionally immature to deal with sex, start with pornography. Some anxiety and relief with pornography. Sex begins to be an emotional crutch.

Both insecure attachment styles. Both unavailable. Both carry a nervous system that is not adapted to a healthy relationship. The way their insecurities and defense mechanisms display are different that's all, imo.

Two sides of the same maladaptive sward of an unhealthy upbringing. Both types are just trying to function without the necessary programming

Fearful avoidant is usually a combination of anxious and avoidant. And attachment styles are dynamic. We’re not usually just one fixed attachment type all the time. One does dominate but it’s not uncommon to move between other insecure attachment styles

@Curiousmind7777 thank you for explaining 🙏