My boyfriend is 100% avoidant. He hasn't decided if he wants to heal yet because it's hard and scary. It absolutely is. If he doesn't heal the cycle is just going to continue and it's never going to work. It breaks my heart because he deserves love and to feel safe, he's just so scared of it. If I could magically heal him, I would. It just doesn't work that way
Its ok to have empathy for an avoidant, but your needs are important too. If they aren't willing to do the work, and you're not willing to live with that distance and never having your intimacy needs met, then its best to leave.
I can relate. My high school crush I’ve been with 8 months is acting like this. Think he’s going to cheat on me. Basically is talking to another woman in front of me. He is a hoarder and can’t even talk about feelings, family or the past. I’m trying to be patient. Was ADHD as child. Told him that fits for how he is today. “Don’t analyze or label me.” Ok. Well finding out I may be ADHD too. Just different. Maybe friendship will be the way. Gave me a key to visit when I want. But after 2 days needs me to go. I’m working on myself more now! Growth hard work. Not sure he wants that.
Makes a lot of sense. My partner would always say “let’s just end this” when I would bring up something that bugged me… instead of even trying to talk about it.
I'm going to just start having new people that I date take the attachment style quiz and ditch them 100% right off the bat if they are avoidant at all. All this effort just to be hurt by avoidance because they are fearful of facing reality is not worth it at all.
i can relate to this in my relationship which is also my first real one, so thankful it’s gotten better with time and being more vulnerable and accepting love, working toward secure behaviors is definitely worth it
I’m just now learning so much about mental health and relationships. I have recently come to terms with being an avoidant 100% my ex is bpd with a dash of npd. Doomed from the jump I guess. I haven’t figured out what type of avoidant I am but I’ll figure it out
All avoidants are on the narcissism spectrum due to ego injuries that result in a singular focus on self at the expense of intimacy. Its the rationalizations of avoidants that are so frustrating and damaging in relationships.
@@gavinbrooke that's false. The most likely narcissists are actually Anxious Preoccupied. Avoidants rely on themselves because they've learned that no one is going to do things FOR them.
@@gavinbrooke me going to your page thinking: “damn man, gary so knowledgeable, i bet he has some content on this topic!” me on your page: “damn,gary does covers…he’s so cool!” 😆❤️
They are very similar the difference is intent. Do you want to hurt the other person or are you trying to avoid confrontation because you want to feel safe? I struggle to relate to this video as well since I’m not a cheater in any way
@@jpiz17 personally I don't cheat on partners and I don't disappear without warning. I also address every problem. However, I also am hyper independent and take care of my own needs. I'm Business and career first and foremost whilst putting my hobbies and interests at the top of the list. Also, I tend to enjoy casual relationships more than I enjoy serious ones. All that said, the narcissist wants you to depend on them rather than wanting you to be independent.
