My husband and I weren't religious when we met but amazingly he had only 1 other partner and I had none BUT we didn't wait for marriage and we lived together for ~4 years before we married. Now that we converted to orthodoxy as adults I am actually a mix of grateful, and thank God it wasn't worse, but also sorry we didn't do better and we didn't get to experience as meaningful a wedding night together or a church wedding. For those of you young ones who have the potential in front of you please understand what a blessing that is to have the opportunity, the knowledge, and support of your church/ family! As hard as I am sure the path is, its a blessing!
me and my wife were in a very similar position as we weren’t very religious and so obviously didn’t wait for marriage after deepening our faith years after we married we decided to go 3months celibate so we could experience it and honestly it was rough but i think worth it you and your husband should totally give it a try if you’d like :) god bless you and your family
But... You CAN experience a church wedding... Like for your anniversary, renewing your vows! Why don't you do that? I think it'll be special and so beautiful for you and all your family, friends... A testimony of love😊
@@TendainaTatenda keep expectations low and you won't be disappointed? ( that's kind of depressing) I think this has gone on well before television - I believe most brides had high hopes for their wedding night - Just nobody talked about it back then. There hasn't been a time in history that you have as much information now on pleasing your partner, or possibly understanding your partners needs. But you're not wrong. also. But that said back 100 years ago or so - wasn't the mother of the bride instructing her daughter - that sex is your duty in marriage?
well now there is only the problem that there are almost no devout catholic girls where i live.. i am german, and in germany catholics make up 24% of the population with only 6% mass attendance rate. and if you know the german catholic church, you will know that most catholics and even a lot of priests see no problem in s*x before marriage. i've seen/met only a handful of catholic girls that look my age in my city and i have yet to find one who is not in a relationship. please pray for the catholic church in Germany!
@@user-kw8vy9fz1s erstmal: schön jemand deutsches unter nem PwA video zu sehen! Ja ich weiss dass wir auf Gott vertrauen können und ich bete auch dafür. Mit ging es hauptsächlich darum die lage in Deutschland zu beschreiben. Ich reduziere mich auf meine Stadt, weil ich Student bin und keinen Führerschein habe, also nicht die Möglichkeit habe so leicht zu Veranstaltungen zu fahren. Aber ich gehe schon im Rahmen der Möglichkeiten zu Kirchenveranstaltungen. Ich bin auch insgesamt recht zuversichtlich, ich sehe vereinzelt immer wieder mehr junge Leute in den Messen hier in Mainz, und ich bete weiterhin dafür, dass mehr junge Leute wieder näher zu Jesus finden
I feel similarly here in the US. Lol. There are many Catholics where I live and as you mentioned, many see no problem with sleeping together before marriage, amongst other things. Though I've been going to Traditional Latin Mass recently, and I find more devout Catholics there. Will pray for the Catholic Church in Germany! Please keep the Catholic Church in the US in your prayers too, please. God bless!
Wir sind auch katholisch in Deutschland. Komm zur Piusbruderschaft und geh zu den Veranstaltungen der KJB. Da findest Du traditionelle katholische junge Männer und Frauen!
@@Fael.27. Ich wurde schon von einer netten Dame dazu eingeladen, aber ich bin mir nicht sicher ob ich dorthin gehen soll, da sich die Piusbruderschaft kirchenrechtlich gesehen in einer grauzone befindet, und die Priesterweihen nicht vom Vatikan gutgeheißen werden
That's a clever turn of phrase. One shouldn't be merely willing to wait as if you would certainly give in if she just enabled you to do so. Of course, by being "not willing to wait", that isn't meant as a definitive surrender into sin, but rather, it is a recognition that it isn't your will to wait, but God's, and that is worth pursuing.
Girls who don’t want to wait, are not worth the wait. They’re either not mature enough fur a serious relationship, and/or don’t have strong moral values and hence aren’t a good match for a serious believer; and/or are just enjoying promiscuity and hence aren’t worth it. F
1:52 This is a huge distinction and very important. As a guy, if there was a woman who wanted sex before marriage, I would leave her. It wouldn't even be a question for me. It's an absolute deal killer. Even if she's "okay" with waiting until marriage; the idea that she'd want to do that just shows how different our priorities are. You have to marry someone with a similar set of priorities you do, and God NEEDS to be at the top.
People can learn from each other. Don't expect everybody to agree with us wholeheartedly beforehand. In the early days of my conversion, I wasn't aware of the strictness (and beauty) of chastity, but I would have loved it if a girl I'm interested in charitably used this to elucidate me and bring me to the righteous path instead of taking it as a definite sign I "wasn't marriage material".
@@vitaomachado What you're talking about sounds like evangelization by romance. I'm all for evangelizing someone of the opposite sex, but I'm not sure that's the best way to go about it. Romance and dating have one purpose: marriage. Continuing to date someone sends a message - I am interested not only in the salvation of your soul but also romantically. And that can complicate relationships. So, what should this girl do if approached by a man who is good with sex before marriage? She should make him aware of chastity and try to convert him to it, but I think only in platonic settings. I think romantic relationships are for romance, not evangelization. One day, after the young man has figured out chastity, then all is well. But before that?
@gunsgalore7571 It may not be that God would call you to convert your spouse but, I thank God that my husband didn't think this way or I never would know the love of God, be a Catholic trying each day to grow in virtue, be a mother to 5 beautiful children after 8 years of marriage, and celebrating our 8th anniversary to an amazing man of God today. Don't be so rigid that you get in the way of God's plan.
I agree. I think it's especially true in a man's younger years. I think it's OK though if a man is struggling. I believe when he hasn't overcome it that's a huge problem. This is because it conveys fantasies that sets up a man for disappointment especially when there's more ignorance and disregard to what is really happening when watching porn. How you qualify struggling makes all the difference. A non-discerning attitude towards porn where you make it just a habitual even that occurs whenever you're gratifying sexual desire is different than someone who is struggling where they are trying to build up their self to challenge their self to go without it for a a day, week, month, 3 months, a year. But let's say someone went the longest for the first time since they could recount going without porn for 1 month but they slip up. I still think that struggle doesn't shouldn't absolutely disqualify someone from dating but more often than not that person is not ready for dating. But I think there's another elephant in the room here and it's that despite men consuming more porn than them women do it too so that's another reason there shouldn't be dating if one or both people haven't overcome porn.
Ideally, yes, but thankfully, God still works through sinners. We don't need to be perfect before going on to do good. We just need to put God first and persevere in seeking Him out. Sure, it helps to not be overly burdened with vice, but it's not by our own effort that we overcome sin, but it is a gift from God. Sinners can and do get married, and nonetheless, we suffer our spouses to the consequences of our sin, but it is especially more the case that God perfects those who are repentant, and by His mercy, He opens our spouses to grace fitting of the sacrament.
@@Zeero3846@Zeero3846 Habitual mortal sin against the 6th commandment is not just 'being imperfect'. It is a grave spiritual disease. Dating and pursuing marriage while not free from porn is imprudent and a failure to take the issue seriously. It is putting the cart before the horse in a major way.
@@buzztruckeryes, I would apply the same to women. Men and Women both ought to be free from porn before they date. It messes with your perceptions, emotions, etc in ways you don't even realize until it's no longer part of your life. God does not call us to merely 'struggle' with porn. With the help of His most holy Mother through the holy rosary, he gives us the means and grace to defeat it.
Not gonna lie chief, this didn't make a load of sense to me. After trying my best to understand this, the best I came up with is "dont date a guy who relies on you to be chaste and to say no to him if and when he tries to advance on you before marriage, date a guy who will place the onus of chastity upon himself." I think I got it, probably, but man was the original statement waaaay too dank.
I think there was something else wrapped up in there, too… sometimes, in an effort to wait we can avoid the people we have the most attraction to and pick someone where it isn’t a struggle to wait. I nearly did that to myself.
Wow, I would never marry someone I'm not attracted to. I think if you don't have the tendency in the beginning of dating and in your courtship to want to rip each other's clothes off I think that's a bigger problem than not. In the long run you're going to end up in a roommate marriage or maybe your husband or wife will be wanting intimacy or sex and other person doing it out of obligation or Duty. It's a lose-lose for each partner because nobody wants Duty sex and nobody wants to be in the position to feel forced to do it.
I converted to Catholicism and now I'm dating again, but I do not want to have sex before marriage. Big problem has been getting connected, or feeling connected. Used to get so much out of physical (non-sexual) affection. Oh well! Better to be holy.
Used to do same with my girl, I luv physical affection but we agreed no sex which is great, I've been here anchor not to cross that line and vice versa;now she says no physical affection at all... I'm at my wits end, any help will be appreciated.
This is really fine advice for kids in their 20's, but for those of us who are single much longer, things are different. A man who can respect that I want to wait until marriage is *almost* the most I can expect at my age and time in life (over 40). And frankly, those aren't usually the Catholic guys, who are often the first ones to say they will not wait. You all have no idea how bad the dating scene is.
Simple , No touchy, no kissy until you put on wedding ring - You treat as a sister ( Maybe hand holding but very limited) and if, and when you marry you can be freaks' sheets - But she'll/ you'll will have to break that psychological block she's not your sister, and you not her brother.
He seemed to invoke pride at the end... pride of being 'a man', and I think that's just as horrible. Pride cometh before the fall. Women should find a man who might have human desires but is humbling themselves and surrendering their lives to God as St. Joseph did.
Agreed - I don't think masculinity, even as a representation of God's character, is the proper motivation. Fear of a Holy God and an understanding of the true consequences of sin draws us to our knees and motivates us to seek after righteousness. Not that we are perfect in doing so, but this humility is not only the proper place to begin, but also the proper place to return to when we fail.
What are your thoughts on the enagagement ring, signifying ownership of the female by the male? Did not exist during the time of Christ. St. Joseph did not present marry with a ring. I think the practice is anti-Catholic.
@@braveHoratius in Germany it was tradition that both wear a engagment ring and then in the weeks before the wedding those rings got the name and the date of wedding in it and then they would be the marriage rings
Just because it’s not Catholic in origin, doesn’t mean it’s “anti-catholic” 😂 Also the idea of engagement rings indicating ownership is absurd. Ask any woman who has been engaged or married lol
