Sorry about the cursed aspect ratio. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a better version, so I'm stuck with this image as I found it. This was originally a screenshot taken on what I can only assume was a wide PC monitor.
@@crimsonknight7011I can’t which book but I think I remember sanguinius saying men and women, but if it bothers you just go with the theory it’s a ploy by Tzeench, I like that
He ment the sister of silence, you know the bunch of bald chick that the emperors used to hide is power from the warp the he use as costodes side chick
A gang of young scammers attempt to gaslight a senior citizen; senior citizen decides it's more fun to play along because he's sick of his family's nonsense.
This happened IRL when an old man from Britain decided to become the getaway driver of a gang of robbers. He was arrested during the heist but was later released because of his age. He did it because the robbers bothered to talk and maintain a conversation with him.
I imagine this is the kind of cover story that'll save the blood ravens when the space wolves inevitably track him down and get ready to throw hands with the chapter that kidnapped who they perceive as their senile grandpa
I mean, to his credit, when you have to listen to a bunch of Wolf-Obsessed Vikings in power armor demand to hear tales of old whenever they wake you up from your nap. You get ornery. And when you get ornery, you just want two women to clean off your ceremite chassis while whispering in your audio receptors.
Once, there was a dreadnought. Tankred was his name Tankred liked to sleep. Tankred liked to dream. Tankred had a good dream. Battlesisters. Twins they were. Someone woke up Tankred. Tankred was not happy.
I'm a little fuzzy on the names of specific members of the different space marine chapters, and the dreadnoughts attached to them, but I only know the name Tankred from Heretical Love...
@shred1894 Tankred is a Black Templar dreadnought from a short little comic. I forget the name. It had Crusade in the title, because of fucking course the Black Templar comic has Crusade in the title. He was a good boy. TANKRED ENDURES
@@YukitoOnline If you look up the "If the Emperor had a text to speech device," I believe if might be a reference to the two that would wake up the dreadnaught to ask questions. But I thought they were Ultramarines and not Space Wolves. I could be wrong, but I'd still recommend watching the youtube series.
@@YukitoOnlineSo we're looking at an ancient meme here, a piece of fanfic where dear old Bjorn dream during his stasis, specificly of two sororitas servicing his dreadnough chassis, and just when thing get good he is awoken by the space wolfs and the dream ends, the piece end with the now memed quote "I was having a very pleasant dream about sororitas. Twins they were" And now you know
Reminds me of my old grandpa after mistaken my sister as some beautiful prostitute. Only to question what he just did and told our dad to shut up as he tries to get his barings right. His 89 at the time and now 94. Still haven't died yet.
"Hm, a new battle awaits", Björn thought, as he was awoken once more to the sound of his brothers' joyful exclamations. One of them stepped forward to declare: "Finally, we managed to get you back from those damned magpies. Now, brother. Tell us: do you remember the password to the wifi ?"
@@elmine7707 Only the recreation facilities I'd imagine, but some may consider that worse than it controlling their command hubs and central processing units.
"Finally we managed to get you back from those damned magpies. Now, brother. Tell us all about Leman Russ and the days of old, oh and wach your step ancient one, theres wolf shit everywhere."
Brother Bjorn was one of the Astartis who founded the order of blood ravens, but the fact that he has a similar name to Bjorn from the Space Wolves is a different matter
@@waspopticthr best part is that no one realized it wasn't bjorn due them being so sure about their wolves noses that no one did any actual investigation
So happy to hear the joy Bjorn has to finally be used for battle rather than just being waken up to just talk about old tales to a bunch of wolf-loving pups.
This comes a series of fan stories called: BJORN THE FELL HANDED: TALES OF BJORN. They mostly about how Bjorn is witness to how wolf-obsessed the Space Wolves becomes over the millennia.
The little group huddle was so cute and fucking comical. I can picture it so flawlessly in my mind: the Blood Ravens bunching together like little chicks, reaching deep into their lore and wisdom, exercising mental muscles for debate and analysis, before sending the Brother-Captain, the leader of their group, back with their response, as if they were children and Bjorn was their teacher/parent. And they were fucking discussing whether the fucking rip-off furry liked wolves or not. It doesn't end there either. The Blood Raven Brother-Captain is identical to a child piping up an answer that they think is the appropriate one to avoid punishment, not because he thinks it's right, and he's so unsure and uncertain about what he's saying. I love every fucking line of this. I LOVE IT.
Listen he doesn’t like being woken up and shot at with questions by a bunch of ADHD powered poor mannered wolfs. He prefers cleptomanic bloodied up birds over it.
Inquisitor Malchior: Captain Angelos, I'm here about the theft of Bjorn. Gabriel: Theft implies lack of consent. You cannot blame us for the fact that Bjorn doesn't want to leave. Inquistor Malchior: I am aware of that and will pass that along to the Wolves. Again. What I'm intersted in is HOW you did it. Gabriel: um... knowledge is power: hide it well.
I doubt it's in the actual lore bout the idea that Bjorn hates wolves is fucking side-orbit-sending levels of funny to me. Imagine being born on Fenris, you probably seen some friends eaten by wolves growing up, and now you're being recruited by the fucking king of your planet to join his army, he's a litlle wolfy, and he named this army "space wolves", but it's okay, it's just a name, turns out he's a great guy and you quickly become friends, you get hit and closed in a dreadnaught, you get woken up only once every few centuries now, and you see your chapter becoming more and more wolfy, to the point they ride on the damn things now. That's just brilliant.
Well, i dunno what is the source of this thread, but in about 2011 i've seen a series of short texts on one russian imageboard which predate this one. In short - @LEMAN RUSS WAS AN ASSHOLE", it's a hillarious series of tales which Bjorn tells when his patience runs short to all the stupid wolf-banging neophytes of his chapter
I get the joke, I find it funny. But they are not called the space wolves, but Vlka Fenryka. Just like the Ultramarines are actually called the blue fucking smurfs.
*(Blood Ravens Steals Trazyn)* Trazyn: Huh, so this is what it feels like being collected just like the subjects of my collection. How very..... interesting, very interesting indeed..
@@silentecho92able Trayzn talking to the Blood Ravens. Trayzn: "Why the fuck are you on my lawn!" BA Chapter Master: "You have taken what we have rightfully stolen!" Trayzn: "Okay, and? Solemnace is a museum!" BACM: "And we would like it back!" Trayzn: "No!" BACM: "We'll steal it back from you!" *Trayzn thinking back to how Orikan and him had been going back and forth on Solemnace* "Yknow what, I'll make you an offer, how about I join you and you get your stuff back?" BACM: "Why would we work with you?" Trayzn: "Because I will give you stuff back, I'll steal from people with you, and I have a literal, undying, metal army that follows my commands. Your people confuse Necrons for Space Marines so easily, and let's be real here, it's a waste of both of our time and energy." BACM: *sigh* "Okay, but just be warned, we have a lot of... friendlies aboard." Trayzn: "Like?" BACM: "We've kidnapped a warrior from the Heresy, Saint Celestine for a little bit, she wasn't pleased about that, the bones of Commissar Cain, T'au who we convinced that coming with us was for the Greater Good, you technically, and a Tyranid Hive Tyrant." Trayzn: "HOW DID YOU KIDNAP A HIVE TYRANT?!" BACM: "We approached carefully and slowly and said "Hey, wanna go eat Ultramarines so we can steal their shit?" and it turns out the Tyranids can understand Gothic. The second we said "Eat those blue gumball sons of bitches and steal their shit" the Tyrant approached and nodded before scrambling on board. Fucking don't understand what that was about, all I know is that we are probably considered vastly heretical if we ever get found out. The Hive Tyrant seems to be having fun and whilst it doesn't fight other Tyranids, it does go "Don't eat these guys, they are allowing us to screw over those Codex Compliant Smurfs and we all have a good laugh about it."
Stealing implies lack of consent, they just need to tell a twin sororitas that Bjorn fought alongside the God-Emperor and they immediately join them on the Battle Barge.
"Yes, they STOLE Bjorn the fell handed. No i have no idea how they did it, and even if i asked, they wouldn't tell me. Besides, Bjorn had fun, and i suppose thats really all that matters."
Gabriel Angelos: "Aware as I may be of our 'impulses', let me get this straight. You decided to 'acquire' a dreadnought. Not just any dreadnought, but the most venerated, feared, respected, and well-known dreadnought in the Imperium of Mankind, a son of one of the most honored legions and chapters, a relic amongst relics. You snuck into the Fang, stole him while he was asleep, avoided his brothers noticing, escaped, painted him red, then you woke up him on our prized battle barge?" Captain: "Yes, my lord." Gabriel Angelos: "... and... he seem ok with it?" Captain: "Yes, my lord. Ecstatic, even." Gabriel Angelos: "... keep me posted."
I believe it....Bjorn is tired of seeing magnus flying around on a surfboard magic bombing Fenris. He's ready for his oils and armored Boobs in his visor.
@@howard5755 seeing as Bjorn meet Emps in the flesh, the sororatas would be over joyed to hear tales of emps while giving Bjorn a most vigorous sacred oil bath.
I love the idea that Bjorn has such a good time that he calls the Blood Ravens every few centuries to kidnap him again so they can go joy riding around the galaxy and it turns into basically the blood games between the Ravens and the Wolves
See, the Blood Ravens are basically the unholy amalgamation of Trayzn and the Thousand Sons. My headcanon is that Trayzn got a hold of some 1k sons geneseed and basically went "This'll piss off Orikan. A legion of me!"
Trayzn down the line: I don't know if I should be proud of myself or damning myself to the endless of time for my prior action.... *Ended up in a Blood Raven Collector Cell*
Its obvious that Blood Ravens is a "good" successor chapter to the Thousand Sons. Its not like they go around and get the black rage and want to drink blood as a proper Blood Angel.
@@kirgan1000 True. In the Thousand Sons novel, one of the foretellers mentions ravens of blood. Their gene seed is very prone to psyker mutations too. And Angelos has sensitivity to the Astronomican as well.
I could totally see the Great Wolf giggle at the Ravens as they leave, alongside the other Long Fangs. When asked by the younger Wolves, incensed by the cowardly theft and ready to shed blood to avenge the slight to the honour of the Fell-Handed, why he told them not to give chase, Grimnar shakes his head in laughter. "Now our dear mentor is their problem, young ones... For the coming weeks, at least. They shall beg us to have him back soon enough... Nor would I deny the Fell-Handed a good sport, every now and then."
Unironically would help foster good relations between those chapters, especially if they tell them to do it again every so often. I can imagine the best “equipment procurers” owing your chapter a favor or two every once in a while coming in handy
Considering how the Blood Ravens are rumored to be descended from the Thousand Sons ... but are more like the Thousand Sons of the Great Crusade era than "modern" 40k ... and Björn is old enough to have actually taken part in the Great Crusade ... he might actually fit right in!
Apart from the irony of fighting for likely sons of Magnus, Bjorn will find many great targets for his fury. Would love to see Bjorn vs Gorgutz. Though fighting alongside Librarians may prove a challenge.
I first heard of this guy in a Discord, talking about ants treating humans like Cthulu. I finally find him on RU-vid and I find out he does 40k shit too?? A good century indeed!
I was almost disappointed that the Blood Ravens were not bodily carrying Bjorn away as he cried for his stained honour. Almost. The best tiny detail was the Techmarine 'elbowing' his friend with the mechadendrite. Makes me imagine the kind of shenanigans Ferrus Manus got into with his Iron Hands.
This story here is the last part of the series about Bjorn who was sick of being waken up every century not for combat, but only to tell stories about Leman Russ and that his title "Fel-Handed" came out of him being caught by Leman Russ while he was jerking off. Pitty that 1d4chan is down right now, there was the full story.
I bet Bjorn, irl, wouldn't mind (well, other than repainting). He feels like the Wolves raise him up and celebrate him too much, he feels guilty about how elaborately they decorate his armor, but in his heart he's still got that grunt in him. He'd probably like a break from all of the pageantry and just slay bodies. I really hope the first time the Lion re-introduces himself to the space wolves that Bjorn challenges him to that duel they were going to have since forever.
“This could turn out to be a very good century indeed” (c) Imagine being trapped in powerful machine and being awoken just to tell the stories. Poor Bjorn 😢
@@borkthedefender3713plenty,if we consider that Björn-like dreadnought became senile and crazy before his age,wayyyy early. Sure,he needs to take naps very often,for long periods. But brother,he served the Imperium when the Emperor was alive,conquering worlds. Meaning he lived thru the Horus Heresy even! His history as a Space Wolf is quite....drastic and insane also,so adding these,he should've gone crazy early on,but here he is,over 10k years old.
If I’m not mistaken, Bjorn is one of if not the Oldest Loyalist Space Marine still Active, Coherent, and Battle Capable, even if it’s from within the Sarcophagus of a Dreadnaught
You do awesome voiceovers, they sound so awesome. You could read the 1992 Ohio State Tax Code and make it sound like an epic battle between good and evil.
@@Freekymoho Literally everything else + the amount of psykers. The main enemies in the games where WB which called them "brothers", the name of their people, the name of their planet and sector, their religious obsession and yes, their psykers as well. The WB also had a bunch of psykers who were sent away by Lorgar. They also don't mutate. Also, "Knowledge is power, guard it well"? F Erebus said used to say it.
I have a Bjorn somewhere still in his box. Do not make me paint him in Space Wolves livery. PLEASE do not make me do a slapstick job of painting over that in Blood Raven's Livery.
...do you think they just left an empty Dreadnaught frame behind and crossed their fingers that no one would try and wake Bjorn up while they...borrowed him?
To be fair, not minding their tendency towards theft and the idiocy of a certain force commander, the Blood Ravens are unusually logical and competent when compared to most other chapters.
Marine: A red dreadnougt with a blue scratch mark was seen with the blood ravens! Do you think it’s our beloved Bjorn? Captain: OF COURSE NOT! Our beloved Bjorn is blue with the occasional layer of dust and chip crumbs. Keep searching!
LMFAO!!! the funniest thing since somebody installed a text to speech... well done, very well done indeed! this is the purest distilled genius I have witnessed in a while!! aaaaand subbed!
Björn once the Blood Ravens run into the Space Wolves again: "Who is this Björn the Fell Handed you speak of Space Wolf, and why do you think i am him?" "You are mistaken, i am Hrafn the Red Handed. And i have always been a Blood Raven."
Watching this again I thought about how bjorn thinks in time spans of centuries. Because he’s been alive so long he can think in that way. It’s like how I would think of a year.
Blood Ravens trying to make him comfortable and hide their misdeeds Not realising that their kidnapping was more a vacation for the old man who is relieved to not have his ventilation filled with booze and hair of various species
Pretty sure the techmarine was giggling under his helmet "heh, I actually painted the whole body before we even got off Fenris! They ain't suspecting a thing in the checkpoint!"
you should do the one where, after a few centuries of service with his new brothers, Bjorn comes face to face with fucking Leman Russ and has to 'splain wtf is going on.
Bjorn: "FUCK YOU LEMAN! And your genesons are wolf fuckers always obsessed with screwing dogs. I'm with them because I want to be! I AM FIGHTING LIKE I AM MEANT TO BE!" Leman: "The hell? What is wrong with my chapter?" Bjorn: "They want stories about you, I hate being called by my throne damned full name, and the current space wolves are idiots obsessed with furries! I want to fight instead of being asked to tell stupid neophytes stories or to tell them the wifi password! You were always a dick and I hate you!" Leman was at a loss for words while he could understand especially after Prospero and breaking his brothers back he hardly understood Bjorns hatred how could he? He's been in the warp for over ten thousand years like a damn coward in Bjorn's mind while they held down the fort, made the hard decisions and had to live with them. Bjorn: "You want to know why?" Leman: "Yes." Bjorn:"Because you are a racist bigoted wolf fucking peice of shit who fucked off to the warp after his daddy died, who by THE WAY never gave us the best equipment and just used us as his personal attack dogs which made what happened at prospero you FAULT! Magnus got his soul broken into itty bitty peices because he made a honest mistake! Anyone of your brothers could have made that mistake! Magnus lowered his planets defenses because he thought you were just going to arrest him now Prospero's dust because of your arrogance. I would rather deal with the possible sons of magnus than the wastes of flesh that you call genesons today damn furries! You are no better dumbass!"
@@GhostBear3067 "My lord, wolves spend all their time writing fanfiction and grooming their beards. Ravens sail through stars fighting, looting and conquering, surviving without aid and following no master but themselves. Go ahead, tell me you would have chosen differently."
"M'lord to put it fucking lightly I would like to kindly ask WHERE IN THE ALL-FATHER'S BUNG'OLE HAVE YOU BEEN? WE HAVE HAD SEVERAL WOLFTIME-SCALE EVENTS AND WHERE WERE YOU? huh? WHERE WERE YOU?? We have been ***THIS*** close to being annihilated so many times that I've lost count." "Ok." "Also the Lion has returned." "WHAT?!" - A convo between Bjorn and his daddums
"You abducted me from my legion, put me on an Ultramarine ship, painted myself as a Blood Angel, tried to lie to me, and woke me up to fight. Just who in the fuck do you think you are?" "The Blood Raven successor chapter, Bjorn. We saw you sitting in stasis and only being woken up to tell stories and figured that there was no harm in *ahem* relieving you from your duties." "I have one simple request, and this is going to be unconditional on your end. You will only wake me up to fight. Otherwise I'm going to turn you all into paste before allowing myself to be consumed by the void of space." "Sir Bjorn, if we wake you up for any other reason, it'll be because we need very specific information that'll help us get to a fight. Our first stop is a Necron Tomb World that we "discovered" with the help of the Salamander's chapter." "This... is acceptable. Are we to destroy the Necron Tombs before they can awaken?" "Actually, it's... more of a liberation of Xenos artefacts and Humanity's most valuable possessions." "Why would a Xenos have Terran Artefacts?" "That is a very good question, but questions like that have answers we shall rarely get."
Ragnar Blackmaine should have accepted the Blood Raven's generous gift of an ornate Frost Axe; it is a rare honor that isn't given lightly. He said "Let them keep their trinkets" so now we've absconded with one of their trinkets.
Bro I thought my PC glitched This is the most amazing aspect ratio ever. I want a movie shot in full panoramic, where the screen is meant to be wrapped all the way around.
