The Curse of Loneliness and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

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Order The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook by Dr. Fox: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Loneliness worksheet: www.drdfox.com/worksheets
Loneliness is a hard thing for many people to deal with, and particularly for individuals along the BPD spectrum. In this video we will examine loneliness, its impact, and how to manage it. I have create a worksheet to help you not only identify issues of loneliness, but also help you identify whom you can connect to to challenge those loneliness feelings.
Loneliness is on the rise, but we are connected to each other more and more today than ever before. Loneliness is a lack of affection in social relationships, this includes in person or online. Loneliness is not actually due to being alone, but being without a sense of being needed or wanted in relationships, a loss of feeling connected. Loneliness has been found to lead to various psychiatric disorders like depression, alcohol abuse, child abuse, sleep problems, personality disorders and even Alzheimer’s disease.
Individuals with BPD are more likely to experience periods of loneliness and many individuals with BPD have an intolerance for being alone and may reach a level of desperation where they will do almost anything to get rid of it. This can be getting into unhealthy relationships, using drugs and alcohol, or foregoing personal values to have someone, anyone, in your life, for example.
You can counter and challenge those feelings of loneliness. It may very well be a core content issue, but that doesn’t mean you have to live with it. In the worksheet I’ve created for this video, see comments section for link, you will identify instances that remind you of when you felt lonely and alone within various age ranges, 5-10, 11-15, 16-17. I chose adolescence because many foundational experiences, such as loneliness, are first cemented at these ages. You can add information in any box for any age you like. In the final box, list what makes you feel connected to others now and with whom. This is really important. For example, do you feel connected to family or friends, what makes you feel connected, perhaps they ask how you’re doing, how your day was, they want to spend time with you, etc. Some people don’t have anyone they feel connected to, and in these cases I want you to try and establish social connections to others. This can be through meet-ups or other resources that get you out there. Staying put, staying on your phone doesn’t help. Social networks give you a shot of dopamine but not the same physical and neurological click we all need with physical presence and connection.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
RU-vid: / drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.

Опубликовано:

14 июл 2024

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Комментарии : 331

@PinkPulpito 4 года назад

It’s “easier” to be empty and unfeeling than to have people around who will deregulate you

@GriffithDidNothingWrong75 3 года назад

Preach 👍

@Jestrath 3 года назад

@@GriffithDidNothingWrong75 I started putting myself out there again aggressively. Already had one pretty bad breakdown ngl. It hurts but I still feel like I have to do it.

@GriffithDidNothingWrong75 3 года назад

@@Jestrath its a vicious cycle. Being alone might preserve your well being

@Jestrath 3 года назад

@@GriffithDidNothingWrong75 being alone also destroys me. My wife is one if the only things that keeps me somewhat grounded.

@noidea3326 2 года назад

Hi guys, how do people deregulate you? I hope my question is not too personal but I want to understand more and deeper the borderline personality disorder

@fakenews8295 4 года назад

I wish there were therapists like you in every city/country. Most therapists just give general advice for depression/anxiety, like exercise, routine, etc. Or some basic relationship counseling. It hardly helps deal with such chronic conditions.

@thalescoimbra 4 года назад

This is so true!

@bobbyadams1003 4 года назад

I completely agree, I’ve had many therapists and they all basically cycle through these basic advices. Out of around 6 therapists I only really felt like 1 one them actually helped and touched my heart.

@fakenews8295 4 года назад

@Ari Jappendi Not everyone has best intentions and desire to help. That's a personal quality

@choosensheep352 2 года назад

I agree 👍 💯 I found myself Feeling discouraged not having any professional therapist in my city who wants to work with someone with B.P.D . In my opinion it makes me feel even lonelier , because I feel like I'm talking to a wall 🧱 when I explain things ,when I need answers, one ear and out the other.. I was told I should receive ECT TREATMENT 🤦‍♀️ for my client Depression .. Honestly my many reason for my depression is Caused by B.P.D 🤷‍♀️

@ally8420 2 года назад

I was a loner and bullied growing up and it's carried on throughout my adult life. It's hard to imagine a solution when this is the way it is and always has been. I cry thinking about how different my life could be if I'd had a normal social life growing up v.s. struggling with mental health.

@Dman9fp 2 года назад

I know I'm cursed because I don't want to be normal, I want to be weird and selfish.. but nobody can see in Gray!! Especially for women in their prime, it's all bend over for them woe is their problems and I need to just man up with my issues... Apparently. One of the biggest f****** waste well, I've definitely lived at least for my and kiss some girls and been to strip clubs and other stuff online but, yeah definitely why the hell was I such a great physical shape just because it felt good and it helped me survive high school?! Pretty much, I just don't see the point in trying if I'm super cursed and I don't even know when it'll be start going downhill, I've had to be in a golden age to prevent absolutely crippling depression, being the Golden age of something pretty much all times, or else I have nothing....

@untappedpotentialmindset Месяц назад

@@Dman9fpI understand. I have no idea how will I cope with aging.

@dorkinwithdolls1425 4 года назад

I’m not afraid of relationships being taken away, I just don’t feel comfortable around strangers. I feel judged or like I’m drowning making small talk with people or like I always say too much.

@dorkinwithdolls1425 4 года назад

Thank you for this though. This is something I’ve been struggling with for a while now.

@Maria-rz9ri 4 года назад

If you are looking for a sign not to end your life this is it. I love you. Stay strong ❤️

@JaneSmith0709 3 года назад

I've never felt connected to my family or anyone else as far back as I can remember. I've always wondered what makes me so different from the rest of the human population. It's so damn painful.

@Hi_Im_Ms_Cjgfiowodjgth Год назад

I realized this as well Its like no matter how I'm acting my inner self just observing from a fence I realized From the way People talk it is obvious to them that what they think matters that's why they're so confident, they really believe that And for me that is not the case

@caramel3027 4 года назад

I feel lonely even when I spend time with people... I also have social anxiety 😥

@Partycitybaex 4 года назад

Same, I'd rather feel lonely by just being with myself rather feeling rejected when surrounded by others.

@vibrantlotus8154 4 года назад

lala me too

@mireilleclement6385 3 года назад

I have BPD and social anxiety BIG TIME. Life pretty much sucks.

@rsgirrl 3 года назад

@@Partycitybaex I’m with you

@EmEraLD073 3 года назад

bpd + gay + introvert

@najmayusufi452 4 года назад

The work you do on bpd is so so appreciated

@Monicalia 4 года назад

I've always been an introvert, doing things on my own and that made me detached from people. I don't get attached to anyone at all. I barely make friends and if I do, I never text them. If we go separate ways, I don't feel anything at all. There are only 2-3 people that I text and those are people I've been friends for more than 10 years. I made myself alone and part of me interpreted this as ''ha, I'll never be abandoned because I don't get attached''. And it's true. Because I abandon people first. And it's just as bad.

@stephanier6783 3 года назад

This reads so realistically genuine and authentic. I don't have BPD, but I certainly relate to what you've written here, except that I wasn't always this way. I became this way as an adult in my later 30s/early 40s, probably because I score almost exactly in the middle of the spectrum between introvert and extrovert. I don't get attached to adults anymore not because of abandonment fears, but because I so rarely come across people who are empathetic, decent human beings in the city where I live. When I moved here is when I gave up on connecting with people, whereas that had never before happened in my life. Thank you for sharing your inner thoughts so sincerely and beautiful. I appreciate you. You've given me some things to think about.

@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 Год назад

I’ve realized that I’ve been around people that don’t accept me as if I express my own opinions or needs. Specifically my family and then my ex wife and now my girlfriend that’s gone although she at times was more open to me expressing my own opinions and boundaries. My ex wife just got made if I expressed my needs. It would nice to feel safe enough in a relationship to communicate about things without it going south or the relationship ending.

@helendunn9905 Год назад

I dealt with loneliness by pushing everyone away and spending as much time as possible alone. I feel threatened by people and don't want to hurt them either so it's better to be alone.

@sizzlenbacon512 4 года назад

Hello Dr. Fox, I just wanted to let you know that your book hugely affected my life. I felt seen, understood, and like I had a way out of BPD. After being diagnosed and no psychologist or therapist wanting to see me or understanding bpd, my partner and I thought there was almost no way to get better. But when we started watching your videos and working through your workbook, I started identifying my problems/patterns and have improved exponentially this year. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your videos and your work. Thank you for all you do!

@adhdsuperpowers1257 4 года назад

Your story is very similar to mine and I have found Dr Fox and his workbook this year. I can feel authentic happiness, calm and contentment for one of the first times in my life 😁

@DrDanielFox 4 года назад

sizzlenbacon512 that is terrific news and I’m so proud that you’re doing so great and beating BPD!! Be well.

@suzannekessler8037 4 года назад

I definitely need to read his book(s)

@seidenschnabelfederflugel5441 Год назад

I'm so happy for you! 😍

@daisygirl1217 4 года назад

The wall to a social life->Social Anxiety

@theseeker8839 4 года назад

I work, I used to do voluntary work, I used to sing in a choir etc etc. I quit everything because I was giving more than I was receiving. I never belong. Nobody cares whether I am involved or otherwise even if I am the loudest. I feel transparent. The more I am with people, the lonelier I feel. I prefer staying alone... it is less painful.

@PONYHEAVEN 2 года назад

I bought 3 ponies a couple of years ago, for this reason. Not only do they come running to me, but they give me a topic to talk about at all times with people, the connect me to my horse friends and rider friends with whom I can hang out when I want to. My decision. Outdoor time daily they give me. Blessed are we country people for this reason. A farmer keeps my ponies on his meadows, I need to connect with him, too, for logistic reasons.

@renacleerican7824 Месяц назад

Bless you and your ponies❤ You are right, I desperately want to live in the country side, near trees, fields, woods, rivers. Even if it's in a little trailer. I miss so much living with a dog. But now I am kind of stucked in a huge crowded city, in a tiny studio rented by some ngo for the crazies/homeless/or migrants( after the death of my dog❤, years ago, I went crazy, tried to end my life, failed, losed my flat, became homeless..and the pandemic came.). I like having a roof over my head, litteraly, I live under the roof and I can see the skies, birds, I've put plants I love..it is fine. But getting out is hard, the streets, the PEOPLE, I have to prepare like a warrior before I go. And then my anxiety, fears, anger, hardcore feeling of solitude, seeing couples, families, men I find attractive..all this desperates me to the core, cause I only can sit and watch them, taking some sun, til I feel I must go home..cause what else could I do. I dont work anymore, I am weird, and I am way too scared of rejection. The only jobs I liked and did a lot were working in the fields, picking fruits, gardner, ..but it was when I was a young wanderer with his dog. I am/feel trapped. Like in a spider web. The city I live in is a beautiful sunny city on the Mediterranean coast of the south of France, sounds like a dream, it is not, it is crowded, globalized, polluted, violent, expensive.. I used to walk the sea, crossing the city, everyday, to swim and pray, I dont anymore, people give me too much bad feelings, I feel oppressed, some make me very inconfortable or so angry or painfully sad..and I must leave, to hide. So I recluse myself most of the time. I dont see no one personally, or its rare and for some emergency help and its more charity than anything else. I am 37, it has been like this for a long time, I feel bad for being in my bed at 6.30 pm, already ready to end the day watching yt and smoking joints with guilt and shame. I hear my normal neighbors having parties, children laughing, I hear the life outside. I know people are all around, it is crazy. It is not nice. If I were in the countryside, all I hear would be nature..and I would be with dogs. In the city, the confrontation with so many people is brutal, if you have no one to really talk with or share moments, the feeling of loneliness and of being not good enough, broken, is multiplicated by 1000.

@Partycitybaex 4 года назад

I'm in a period of my life right now where the loneliness is just consuming me. I really value my solitude but once it reaches loneliness, I just can't handle it. Even just the thought of going out to meet friends is terrifying... I just stay home most of the time because I can't even be alone out in public because I feel like I'm being watched and judged. The paranoia eventually fully sets in and I just go back home. I no longer enjoy being out like I used to. I'm just numb and empty. 😔

@Soderberget 4 года назад

Can relate to this. I'm in the same position 😔

@Partycitybaex 4 года назад

@@Soderberget really? I'm sorry to hear that, I'm here for you 🙏🏼

@romxxox994 4 года назад

I had the same since many years. If you hidd yourself because you scare or you feel disconfort around people, break the circle now. Cause in the future nothing will change. Find you à good friend you can talking with :) theres no shame to be alone and to be sensitiv person but stay alert for your soul. Develloped so many résistance for protect i woud die. Hated every part of my mind or what i tought to be.. now i just respect me and let it go even i suffer, doesnt mean i overcome but some tools helped me to go trought step by step. just respect you. :) im here if you want to talk..

@Jamie-lw4pb 4 года назад

I'm so relieved and thankful to find other people who suffer from the symptoms and traumatic child hood trama. You seem like a very kind hearted person and I'd actually love to email. I'm not a creep. If communicating could help you then say so. I'll post email. Peace🎆

@Jamie-lw4pb 4 года назад

Email?

@estherpennington7826 4 года назад

This is an excellent topic Dr Foxx. Loneliness is absolutely a complex thing I struggle with. At times, a sense of loneliness comes over me when I'm surrounded by people. When I should feel connected, sometimes I don't. I myself like to spend a great deal of my time alone. I struggle hugely with having confidence in the idea that my friends actually care for me or even like me. I always feel like people feel differently then they're showing me. I'm always questioning the loyalty of others and whether or not they can be trusted. I think BPD has a lot to do with one's ability to trust others and trust themselves to handle what others may do. Lack of trust in myself is huge because I'm always questioning if I'm reading a situation through a distorted lense. Your videos are the best in this subject on all of RU-vid. Thank you so much. Please keep them coming!

@juliabattishill1825 4 года назад

Tasha Hocking I can totally relate to you!!!

@NewEnglandboy453 4 месяца назад

That's exactly how I feel. I can't trust my intuitions, because they are often completely wrong

@itsjustrenee1320 4 года назад

I was a lonely child. I only had my dad who worked two full-time jobs and a few friends. My mother and 3 siblings were hostile. I thought that I was really close to my cousins growing up but when we grew up they all just moved away and when I see them they hardly remember my name which hurts really bad. I really loved them. All my life as a child and teenager I thought they loved me like I loved them. I am 63 now and crippled relationally . I have been married 30 years but my husband also raised himself and we settled on a peaceful life of mutual pity and isolation. We do not know how to have close personal relationships that are nontoxic. I bought your workbook that I plan to start working on soon and I am looking for a personal counselor and also a grief counselor at the behest of our marriage counselor.

@InshasChoice 4 года назад

My heart goes out to you both. Loneliness is terrible. I hope you get the support and love you need 🥰

@suzsiz 4 года назад

I think its important to learn to differentiate between loneliness and/or the abandonement wound.

@sooyan5476 4 года назад

How can you differentiate between the two?

@freakyears956 4 года назад

Even though I live alone, I don't have loneliness I have my books my music and my wonderful piano! That's all I need plus my portfolio that's all I need!

@lorrainehealthandbenefitsa7983 4 года назад

I’m lonely ...thanks great video as always

@erikahunter652 4 года назад

ive gotten so lonely to the point where im screaming and crying for my boyfriend to come see me, and the feeling of desperation is spot on

@kishinumaayumi 2 года назад

God, I'm feeling so much loneliness right now it feels like the world is spitting me out... I feel so so so cursed with this forsaken disorder :(...

@iarasousa1137 Год назад

i cried the whole time while watching this video. Thank you for putting into the words the things i never could

@DrDanielFox Год назад

You’re very welcome and I want to encourage you to stay the course on the journey to grow beyond your BPD.

@gingit3239 4 года назад

How do we deal with being irritable and pushing people away? A lot of the examples of people trying to connect with me that you mentioned I often feel apathetic or even irritated about, yet I struggle with loneliness. Thank you so much for your wonderful videos

@pixieheart9303 2 года назад

That's me!!

@levinorthway4220 2 года назад

Having just gotten out of a serious relationship, this is especially challenging. I understand learning to cope with being alone is something highly useful and beneficial, but having one person there basically 24/7 to having occasional interactions when your brain automatically goes to "oh i should tell her about this" only to realize you can't... It's really difficult.

@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 Год назад

There right now, how are you doing?

@sedsed20 4 года назад

I don't know if I have BPD but I still find these video's content very helpful...

@janewildly 2 года назад

Aww that’s sad. I was mostly alone between 12-16 years old and it’s true, the feeling of being alone, lonely and wanting someone stuck with me. I’m 31 now and I still feel the same

@DrDanielFox 2 года назад

I’m so sorry. I hope you find a community you can connect with.

@laceyhalliwell1515 4 года назад

Thank you so much Dr. Fox. Your videos help me in understanding myself and your non-judgemental attitude is really what people with BPD need.

@savedbyhismercyandlove 4 года назад

I used to feel connected and loved,even by Women at times now I feel like I am on a different planet or marooned on a island so far fram everyone...I feel like a leper,totally disgusting,weird,inadequate unwanted and hopeless......Zero reason to keep living like this...I am 44 and life passed Me by

@daisygirl1217 4 года назад

I can relate

@raghadobaid5760 4 года назад

SCAN IMAL me too .. I am feeling the same

@dreamdiction 4 года назад

I never feel lonely and I never feel bored because I have no awareness of time passing.

@dayna29866 4 года назад

*squeeze hugs* you're worthy of love

@savedbyhismercyandlove 4 года назад

@@dayna29866 I appreciate the kind words but after 44 years reality has not shown that-I bring no value to this world and death is the only light at the end of My tunnel

@DualFury 2 года назад

Sounds good! Step 1 is still getting out of bed and that is next to impossible covered in self harm scars.

@0ddddduck 3 года назад

Im afraid to go to therapy bc im scared i will get attached to or be attracted to my therapist...being able to access higher quality info from my own home has really been a life saver. I just left an abusive relationship of 5 years and i am really motivated to improve my mental state...your videos offer so much clarity, insight, validation and tools...thanks Dr.Fox

@AlexandriaBerry 4 года назад

I feel very unconnected a lot, even though I am married and have a great support system. It isnt that I don't get enough attention, it's just that I flip that switch, and go "numb". Im blessed enough to have a spouse that has attended many therapy sessions to help me, especially in times such as those. I often seek out drugs or rely on self harm to feel again. My wife is capable of communicating effectively with me and making certain that we do more activities together during those times. It doesnt fix it, but it helps greatly.

@neitik1179 4 года назад

I cannot agree more. The lack of connection is the core issue that makes me feel the worst. Every situation or a relationship that makes me feel connected usually helps to deal with difficult issues in life, they get easier. Lack of connection somehow freezes me up.

@mireilleclement6385 3 года назад

Is it normal to never wanting responsibilities and wanting to go back when I was a kid/teenager ? The only thing I want in life right now is go back in time (80's) and just stay there. I'm 44yrs now. I'm so miserable in this time of life.

@martinvandenboorn 3 года назад

I really hate it when i say that i'm lonely that people say I just have to surround me with people... my lonelyness stms from beeing treated as a outcast most of my life and not having that partner you can really have a connection with... I'm beeing lonely for almost 10 years now... and nomatter what I try i cannot get a partner

@bra2706 4 года назад

Just in time like always. Excellent advice. I have not got any meaningful connections in my life and for the past 2 years have been unable able to get out the house however this video really makes me want to try. Thanks mate

@rondaukno5135 4 года назад

Well I agree with your theory, as a very long time bpd sufferer, I find it difficult to imagine making new connections

@mckayla5747 4 года назад

im going through an extreme period od lonliness, so thank you for this. you always seem to know when i need something most even tho neither of us know eachother

@kellyedey5952 4 года назад

Sending you a hug, Kelly.x

@christinag4968 3 года назад

i am writing notes while watching all your videos. thank you so much. you’re helping me so much on my healing journey

@svenfernandes 3 года назад

read a bunch of BPD loneliness articles and videos, this one was the first one that actually made sense and motivated me. thanx

@caitlinamandastewart 4 года назад

Thank you so much you make me feel so understood every time, I want to shove these videos into everyone around me’s faces so they understand what I usually go through

@adhdsuperpowers1257 4 года назад

Thank you, thank you Dr Fox 🙏 you are the first professional I have come across after 21 years of therapy, who has been able to describe and put into words exactly how I feel and what is the root of my struggles - I didn’t even know how to explain my own feelings or understand them 🤔 I found your channel after a good psychiatrist finally diagnosed me with BPD traits earlier this year 🧐 I am already diagnosed with ADHD and complex-PTSD. Your videos, descriptions, explanations and working through your fabulous work book 📖 is taking away the initial stigma I felt and I am now able to have real confidence, love and compassion for myself, for the first time ever 💕

@jessalbright976 4 года назад

You are not only a huge breath of air to take in, but an inspiration. Thank you for the validation and words of wisdom. You are making a long needed impact on this world with what you are doing. Big love sent your way. 🙏

@chloehammond2836 3 года назад

I gain so much from this channel, I feel so much less alone and less pressure on myself listening to these videos.

@Melissa-jy3km 2 года назад

Thank you Dr. Fox for all you do for those suffering with bpd. 🙏

@Sara-DHeld 4 года назад

Hi Dr. Fox, I am especially grateful to you for your continued reassurance and “cheerleading “ (eg, ‘I do understand it’s hard, but you can do it!’)... I’ve struggled with loneliness most of my life, but truly sensing your presence rooting for me to get out of my BPD painful distorted emotions is some kind of powerful!!! Thank you so much for all you do.

@rukicowgal1 3 года назад

Dr fox is so loving and empathetic when he speaks about us I really love his videos

@kathleenfinnerty7846 4 года назад

My triggers are not feeling part of the family and any negative comments about my weight I’m so happy I found you because you really are an expert on BPD and you give me hope and I’m doing everything you suggest so I appreciate your help thank you so much

@michelemarie7777 4 года назад

THANK YOU for this video DR.FOX. I am in a pit of lonliness and withdrawal. You are so helpful with my BPD. No Doctors specialize in BPD here where I live. And regular Therapists just Do Not get Me bcuz they don't know much about treatment of it. So God Bless you. I needed this one. Keep an comin'

@singingmama1980 4 года назад

I am not diagnosed with BPD but I have recently discovered that I have some basic issues on that spectrum. This particular issue is a hot button for me. Your channel-though more technical than many people could understand (I had trouble at first until I discovered what terms such as “co-morbid” meant)-is a breath of fresh air.

@Questthecat 4 года назад

Dr . Fox your voice, face and attentiveness is so comforting in facing this dillemma. I believe im finally ready to accept what im dealing with and overcome this cycle in life. Im ready to be a part of breaking the cycle and loving myself enough to not hurt anyone under the guise of my own confusions and insecurities.

@PinkiiPinku88 4 года назад

Waking up to this was greatly appreciated thank you dr. Fox

@DwellerOfTheEarth 4 года назад

Relatable! And one thing I cannot stand is being in a room of people or with one person and they are on their phone while I am sitting there hoping they'll put it down and share genuine connection. When you first get to know someone, they are on their phone less when in your presence, but as time goes on, I find they go back to their social media high and I go back to feeling lonely and unworthy.

@gracegarima13 3 года назад

Dr I am from India and I must say you genuinely care about your patients ...I like your videos very much makes me feel I m not totally weirdo and a lost case ❤️

@KangniTV 4 года назад

Dr Fox, thank you for making this video. What you mentioned is exactly what I feel and what I needed. I find comfort in people that I can connect to and there are not many I can connect to. I find extreme comfort in my FP and this connection is addictive and I always get addicted to it. Once it’s broken I get withdrawal symptoms and not easy to find a substitutes since people with BPD were extremely selective.

@violetblue8216 3 года назад

FP?

@hannahmitchell87 4 года назад

Really grateful that you make these videos & worksheets. So helpful. Thank you

@MusicKttn 2 года назад

It doesn't matter how bad my mood is- I always finish your videos feeling better than I did before I started them. ☺️ You come off as so genuine and I love that about you. Thank you for doing what you do, Dr. Fox. You really are a gem. 💜✨

@DrDanielFox 2 года назад

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

@celladoor_uk 4 года назад

Thank you so much for doing what you do man, this video is a great one. I know all this stuff but it really helps to have someone who really understands to remind me, it's so easy to forget and to slip back into maladaptive ways. I hope this reaches you well man, greetings from 'sunny' Rochdale. :)

@kathykaura7219 4 года назад

I'm from the Houston area and have never been diagnosed with anything as I've never had the funds to see a doctor, but from watching just a couple of your videos I think I have BPD. I have all the issues you speak of and my loneliness started, I'm sure, before the age of 5. Trying to escape what I thought were external issues, I eventually left the country in search of an easier and more survivable life as dealing with such basic life issues in the US had my nerves wired for high voltage. I could barely afford to have a roof over my head and feed myself, plus with all my mental issues.... I now find myself in Turkey, living in a very well-to-do neighborhood and slowly .... slowly healing ..... at the age of 52. I read the book "The Body Keeps The Score," recommended by my sister, and could relate to everything in it. And, of course, all those issues I was escaping by coming here followed me because they were never external but internal. Now my new husband has to put up with all my mental quirks, but he is very patient. Being a helpless introvert in an extremely social culture is, at best, uncomfortable, but the people are good and kind and helpful if I need help. I don't think they have ever met one before, though. I'm wondering if introversion is caused by childhood neglect..... Thanks for the videos.

@sapphopique1316 4 года назад

I am the embodiment of loneliness. Added to my borderline disorder, I have physical diseases. It's been 7 years now that I am stuck in my bed most of the time. I am disabled to the point that I can't work at all. I dont have many friends, and I dont really see them since they all live in different cities and have busy lives (or are ill just like me and cant come and see me). I used to have a lot of sexfriends to balance my isolation. I am a total outsider, out of every society track. It's demential how lonely I am in my extreme body suffering and my disconnected mind. My life has always been cursed since my youngest years. And I cant do anything to fix this now. I guess it's how it was supposed to be. Even if I expected better for me and from my untapped potential. I apologize if I did some language mistakes, english isnt my native language, and because of my diseases, I have never been able to go to college. Which I would have loved to.

@lisaevegordon-INFP 4 года назад

Sappho, I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in your struggle or your pain. I hope things get better for you and for all of us who are afflicted and suffering. Be well. P.S~ You did wonderful with your spelling and grammar. I never would have known that english is not your first language. Best wishes. Lisa

@lisac2094 3 года назад

This is very helpful. Thank you for explaining things and understanding this the way that many are not able to. I think it takes a special type of therapist to really understand these traits and how they developed.

@michellejudd5060 4 года назад

Thankyou Dr Fox I needed too hear this .

@Lilynite10 3 года назад

I have nobody. I tried, I joined so many things & never made a friend. So hard. Try so hard to get well & always get rejected. Now with lockdown completely isolated. I feel like going crazy & no matter what I do I just can’t make friends. :(

@maggiebertola8202 4 года назад

Good one. Sometimes I start using social media as you described. It is a shot of dopamine. Very short lived. Thanks for this video.

@sandralynn1114 3 года назад

Thank you so much for these videos. I appreciate this. Please keep them coming. I finished a complete DBT program. I understand DBT now, but still don’t understand my BPD. Starting to make the connection now.

@MypronounIsKing 4 года назад

THANKS for all your contributions to this community, you are so important man. The fact that youre willing to give us free information from a doctors perspective.. Idk where you csn find that anywwhre else. Thanj you.

@raphaellavelasquez8144 4 года назад

Ive spent most of my life as though Ive been forced into solitary confinement. When I had a car I could at least get out and about safetly. Add poverty to this and its getting to be a death sentence.

@Tracey..H 3 года назад

I get ya

@jessicaforGod475 2 года назад

That's my life in a nutshell. I used to have a car too and now I don't. I really hope things have changed for you in the last two years. The solitary confinement is unbearable

@SlootyBooty 2 года назад

Meh. Gave up on that crap myself. Always ends leaving me feeling more distressed, taking with it any and all fond memories I had of the person. Memories that would formerly make me smile, like laughing together over some really stupid joke, whatever, become painful to recall. If I can't even at least keep the memories don't even wanna bother. Always ends shitty anyway. I tried very hard for years. One friend started taking interest in my boyfriend, would be texting with him, which didn't bother me because I considered us all friends...but I would tell him to tell her to hit me up later and she never would. She flat out ignored me for months. Refused to return any of my texts, but every night she's texting with him. She was my favorite person at the time, so I was very hurt by this of course. But that hurt ended when my bf admitted to me that if he wasn't with me he would sleep with her...hah! It clicked then. Suddenly I understood why my friend, with no warning or reason, suddenly stopped talking to me and seemed laser focused on my boyfriend...who I just had a kid with, mind you. I told her to back off in no uncertain terms. Well, actually I texted her and told her if she contacts him again I will beat her face in and curb stomp her teeth out her face so no one would ever want her again. She immediately texted my boyfriend to inform him I wasn't "Girlfriend material". Didn't matter. Turned out they had already been sleeping together. Yay, friendship... My best friend for years got caught molesting me while I was knocked out on medication I was being prescribed at the time. Probably gonna butcher the spelling of it but it was called Zaphris. This medicine did such a number on me that I slept showed and had scolded my entire side because I turned on the hot water all the way and just laid down in the tub. Once the water got hot enough to hurt I woke up. I would regularly wet the bed and sleep walk every night, which I didn't do before or after this medicine. After I broke up with the same boyfriend from above, I had to go stay with this friend. I would regularly wake up naked in his bed and he would tell me I wet the bed or had slept walked and wet myself and he undressed me so I wasn't sleeping in wet clothes and put me to bed in his bed for my own safety in case I tried to get up and start walking around in my sleep again. I believed him because all of this was stuff I was doing because of the meds and I trusted this person 100% with my life. Wake up one night because of pain in my rear. He has me over the side of his bed and the pain that woke me up was him missing and going in the wrong hole. Yay, friendship... Another friend died on me. Can't help that, but still... Another ghosted me because as he put it I had "friend zoned" him. And between are a bunch of failed smaller attempts to make connections that either didn't click or fell off because neither party was terribly interested. Last "friend" I made was great till her married boyfriend, who was cheating on his wife with her, started bugging her to talk me into doing a threesome with them. It started out just being mentioned in passing. I declined. Not bisexual, and didn't have any interest in her MARRIED boyfriend. He wouldn't have been my type even if he wasn't married. Ask once? Okay, no harm in asking, right? But she kept asking and pushing it because he kept asking and pushing her. Friendship ended without so much as a goodbye because I got tired of her trying to sell me on a threesome. Yay...friendship. Family sucks as well. But I am at least quicker to cut them out of my life because they have the power to hurt me more and more deeply. They're more dangerous than "friends" are in my book. Also more invalidating as well. Lonely as I am...at least it's consistent and I am not having the rug ripped out from under me at the worst possible times imaginable. I would rather feel consistently lonely than falsely connected.

@ghostfacekilla6074 4 года назад

amazing person helping me through a lot of what i dont understand, thank you so much dr

@DrDanielFox 4 года назад

+Pc.amazing you’re very welcome. Stay strong.

@user-gy7bg1rv6o 4 года назад

Thank you Dr. Fox! Appreciate all your help very much

@michelemarie7777 4 года назад

SAME. Couldn't agree more!!!!!

@takebackyourlife3852 4 года назад

Great video! This is what I am working on with a psychologist...😊

@fionaheywood7144 4 года назад

In these days of social isolation due to Corona virus social media is the only way to support others or feel supported. 12 weeks isolation when you live alone is very daunting.

@Spungebobonicerocks 3 года назад

In these lockdown times many people have issues. With or without BPD.

@teatime3318 2 года назад

Thank you again for yet another helpful resource tool. Loved the list of activities that can connect you to possibilities of loneliness reduction. Looking forward to the January 2022 book release.

@DrDanielFox 2 года назад

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

@sophiewalsh5492 2 года назад

I just want u to know u have a very positive vibe. Like, u come off as a genuinely good person. Ur vibe is very caring and like, in conversation, you’d be an active listener and like, you seem like you’d be very conscientious about how u come off but in a very genuinely caring and healthy way. Idk if this made sense but yea anyways props to u for that

@sophiewalsh5492 2 года назад

Like you come off like you’re invested in what you do bc you actually care about ppl and it’s not coming from a self centered place of wanting others to perceive you as very smart. Like u come off as smart and well spoken anyways but u don’t need to prove it through any condescending body language, tone, subtle queues like that. And like u use very helpful and non-stigmatizing language and the way u talk about people with bpd feels very humanistic and not like, super overly clinical where it feels dehumanizing. Also again I hope this made sense lmao

@joanofarc33 4 года назад

Can you please explain why there are so few therapists who can deal with PD’s like Borderline?

@KimPosteryournewpenpal 4 года назад

I can't wait to do that worksheet. I've been struggling to let more friends into my life instead of turning to love addiction again. Thank you for this video. 💚

@willyamos9180 4 года назад

Beginning to understand BPD is huge for me. Thank you.

@willyamos9180 4 года назад

I just joined a choir. Yay

@willyamos9180 4 года назад

Dude, I hate when people with no online personality think you can’t make friends online. You’re right on everything else, but you’re missing the boat on Social Media cause your a nerd. Sorry.

@nehemiahtrevino8470 4 года назад

But sometimes I find comfort in being alone and not having to worry about anything else anymore.

@appleroad112 3 года назад

I find it difficult finding people to connect to who want to stick around or i only see them once and then just get ghosted from then on, even if they report that they had a good time. Had this issue since my 20s and i'm nearly 25 and very lonely. Got to a point that i was so starved from connection i was vulnerable to creeps and was assaulted, i even allowed myself to put up with abuse and control from my boyfriend. I tried so hard to connect with people who should be healthier for me but if it fails then i return to the same toxic people. I can go a long time without company and be alone and for some periods i enjoy it because i can redirect my focus on hobbies but we all need connection.

@aprilthomas1489 3 года назад

And with that importance of face-to-face connection last year they took away all my resources including in-person therapy. Indefinitely, without warning. It was extremely cruel. I came very close to suicide last year.

@l.aposdif4855 Год назад

The video and channel is a true gem Does anyone find It painful when you go outside Alone e.g. to the cinema, to go for a walk in the city centre and find people either in couples or together, being able to make plans with others, having support and company in others ? I'm not talking about envy or jealousy here, rather sheer frustration, thinking...why can't that be me? I've been soooo deeply hurt, and still am, by a substancial amount of people - people that should have been trustworthy (whether it's in partners - romantic relationships, family, relatives, "friends", ...) 95% of the people I've met have let me down inmensely, or betrayed me, or taken advantage of me, or abused me, so it's very difficult for me to trust - which makes the inner void and emptiness even deeper and more unbearable

@latenitetubing Год назад

I feel like this all the time. With the warmer weather I am out and about more and I get so tense and a desperate envy descends on me when I see beautiful couples and happy looking families. It makes me have thoughts of inferiority and rejection. It feels like being the last person picked for the sports team in elementary school, without being picked though.

@l.aposdif4855 Год назад

@@latenitetubing I feel you so much, feeling like this at the moment too, even though I have a couple but having been psychologically abused by all my family members, betrayed by friends, plus I work on my own so I don't have coworkers), it's quite a lonely experience altogether... I can't help feeling somewhat resentful towards life, I guess everyone would in this situation

@Alisa12568 11 месяцев назад

I like your idea about writing who you have a connection with so that when I feel intensely lonely, I can remember that I'm not alone. I have bpd uk based.

@DrDanielFox 11 месяцев назад

I am so glad that you found the video helpful and I wish you all the best.

@iroamalone6953 4 года назад

Your advice and to reach out to other people is of course sound. But I have such social awkwardness that it's impossible....

@DD-ws8jc 5 месяцев назад

I haven’t had a friend in over ten years. I stutter and can’t find a person not bothered by that and that would accept me. Don’t even remember what having a friend feels like

@janegent7769 4 месяца назад

Wow, I think it’s loneliness that keeps me where I am, and it’s terrifying. I thought it was abandonment, but maybe it’s this. Your videos are brilliant. It’s very scary to watch and realise though. And I’m definitely in the 12 -18 category there.

@feliciakidd9358 3 года назад

Who wants to try to go out there and connect with a bunch of strangers that you don't know. Its really not going to make you feel any better. Its best to try to connect with people that you do know if they are a good person.

@xaviersimon547 Год назад

I have all the signs of BPD. I have suffered my entire life with feeling empty and the mood swings alone with total rage. I have gotten to the point I am afraid to go to public places. I want to make friends but i am too afraid I will be judged and once they know the real me they will leave. This why I always ruin any type of relationship romantic or otherwise. I completely understand. I just wish I would fade away and exist no more.

@droopy935 3 года назад

This is helpful!!

@christinejones7245 2 года назад

Good morning God bless and thank you so much Dr Daniel Fox I'm trying to locate the worksheet I don't see it in the comment and also I just been able to order your borderline personality disorder workbook I'm looking forward to reading it and working with it I love you so much and I thank you keep telling amazing amazing job because you are help so many people especially for me we have saved my life so much and I appreciate you very much thank you and have a blessed day God bless you always! 💗💪🙏

@jacquelinefirkins994 2 года назад

Bang on! Especially with family.

@DrDanielFox 2 года назад

Thank you for the comment but I must admit that I’m not sure what bang on means.

@jacquelinefirkins994 2 года назад

@@DrDanielFox It means right on point 🤣 sorry British 😊

@HMistry100 3 года назад

you get it man.

@TheVonWeasel 2 года назад

My only problem is this feels unfair to other people. If the only thing that was affected was myself then maybe it's worth a shot, but if I'm going to burden other people with my disorder then it doesn't feel like the moral thing to do.

@Sarah-lt1ox Год назад

I have no friends or family. It’s been like that for 4 years now I’ve lived isolated and because of that I’m now dealing with even more anxiety than I had before 😞 going out and making friends sounds good in my head but when it’s time to step out into the real world it’s actually dreadful 😭 I wish I had friends it’s what I crave the most in life but it’s hard. If anyone wants to give me tips I’m open 😭💓

@Sameoldfitup 3 года назад

When I was six years old my stepmother left me in a doorway with a note saying not wanted.....

@Tracey..H 3 года назад

Wow!! God bless you

@Tracey..H 3 года назад

I love mods too. ;)

@taylorthatwriter6865 Год назад

GAAH. So scary to try and make connections. I got told by my pastor that I should be on the forefront of "getting to know people" because I'm so desperate for connection and feel so desperately lonely. But it's so much easier said than done.

@astroterra5021 2 года назад

It's sad because people can't handle being around bpd people....too intense and abusive at times

@ryanparker4218 Год назад

I’m not a professional in this field but I certainly Have lived/currently living through the most dreadful, deep soul-searching, self criticizing Time of my life trying to figure out what is going on with my sweet loving beautiful wife who is so innocent in so many ways. I know that I went through a stage in life in my teens where I was able to recognize who my father was and my negative traits do to certain childhood experiences. After everything that I’ve learned and feel like I deserve a degree I cannot believe the absence of the idea of simply not being taught or reprimanded on your emotions and actions as a child. It just seems so obvious that if it is neverAddressed it will only get worse as you grow older out of confusion

@Canaday291 2 года назад

I am now so lonely as I’m alone after being married 28 years . But I never felt lonelier being trapped in a marriage to an abusive, negligent, cheating ,sadistic ,narcissist.

@DrDanielFox 2 года назад

You sound very strong. I admire that, be well and stay safe.