The danger of hiding who you are | Morgana Bailey 

One of my favorite quotes is: "Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken." - Oscar Wilde

For those disliking the talk for seemingly like a "no big deal" thing: It's not about she being gay; in fact, that is absolutely no big deal. The problem is when you're gay in an enviroment that is anti-gay - which most heterosexual people don't get, but is an EXTREMELY difficult situation to deal with. In some countries, still today, there are people being sentenced to death simply for being gay. I speak for self experience: Where I grew up, there wasn't really any hate towards gay people, and I had lovely parents - people just made jokes about gays once in a while - but even then, for me it was like a secret, a shame, it lowered my self confidence, made me so unsafe, and I suffered a lot because of it. I can't even imagine how it would've been in a less receptive enviroment.

This to clear things up. This video was intended to inspire people to accept themselves, not about her trying to get attention.

Straight, cisgender people - some of you don't think this video is very important or worth watching. Thing is, it's not all about you. This video is about a particular kind of coming out process that you will never experience, and that you have no right to denigrate. Coming out isn't easier because "you" think it's "not a big deal." It isn't about gaining approval from you. It's an intensely personal journey that shouldn't be brushed aside as "navel-gazing", or reduced to some performance for a (oh so tolerant! so kind!) heteronormative audience. This is about one woman's story and what it can mean to people in a similar position, potentially affected by similar difficulties, and the responsibility invested in "coming out" in order to effect social change, sometimes at great personal cost.

Whenever you get a little too optimistic about humanity, you can always count on youtube commenters to drag you back down into the dark, cynical pit again. What's especially depressing is the amount of thumbs ups that all these unempathic and outright mean comments get. It really shows the true side of people. Whenever most people sit down behind a keyboard, they show their true ugly selves.

Well... It actually makes me sad to see the comments on this video because the point was missed completely. Hiding a piece of yourself (for morgana it was her sexuality) is physically, mentally, and emotionally harmful for people. She was hoping to inspire a sense of strength in talking about those dark corners of ourselves to help us realize we aren't alone, there are other people like us and it we don't talk about it how are we ever expected to change. Personally speaking as a GLBT member unless u have felt the anxiety of coming out you have no idea what it feels like to have your entire support network completely turn on you. I was young when I came out lost my job, my family, where I was living, and all in a matter of two hours of coming out and I live in Canada where GLBT rights are pretty awesome! Although I looked to rebuild my network and that's honestly what saved me. So whether it is GLBT stuff or mental health issues there are people out to help u!

"Since it doesn't affect me directly I don't care nor I believe it to be important" -The comment section.

I just want to be straight. I wish I was normal at least in that aspect. I'm tired of hiding, I'm tired of coming out to people and regreting it because I find out they can use it against me. I just want to be normal.

Why do people even watch these talks of they're unwilling to learn anything? I, for one, like to see every perspective, and be presented with new ideas that challenge the status quo. I don't come here to listen to my own ideas, I come to hear someone else's.

The dislikes and harsh critics for this talk are mostly from selfish people who say they don't "care" because it didn't serve their situation - really they simply can't RELATE. Someone who's faced with the same problems Morgana has faced (I'm sure there's plenty out there) will find this immensely useful. That took a lot of balls Morgana. Good job.

Inspirational, and very brave. Thank you Morgana. You are one of many, who now start to step up and stand up. Its about time the rest realize exactly how hard it is to live as part of the LGBT community. To face the massive and pervasive ignorance that exist out there.

you first have to come out to yourself then every one else i had the most trouble with the first part

The real struggle is always with oneself, isn't it? Thank you for your courage. I would love to know where you finally found the courage the be able to speak the words.

There needs to be more acknowledgement of the bravery of older members in our society in coming out. They grew up in a much more homophobic setting and it is ingrained in their psyche that being gay is a negative thing no matter how far into the 21st century we go. Thank god for the Millennials who are - in every sense of the word - helping the older generation enjoy life a little more by knocking down nonsensical taboos. Every come-out story is a tragedy turned right, and Morgana deserves applause for her courage to come out on a stage and serve as an inspiration to people still deep in the closet. There are people who sacrificed the best years of their lives to conform to society's expectations, these are married people with kids who don't even believe in the liberating power of being true to themselves at this point. Some of these comments are disgusting and nihilistic. I would guess they are all from heterosexuals who completely take for granted the status of normalcy bestowed upon them by their society at the (often violent) expense of everyone else. It will always remain a big deal to come out as gay if you grow up with even a hint that being different is a bad thing.

Only on the internet will someone pull out something negative from a speech like this. I wasn't feeling the talk all that much in the beginning but then it crept in and felt really powerful because I thought about what I was hiding and I'm glad Morgana gave her talk. Good Luck

SHOW SOME FUCKING HUMANITY GUYS! To all assholes in here, I listened to this talk, not because I am gay, not because I have anyone in my family who is, but because I believe everyone's story of struggle and triumph is worth hearing even if it does not affect you whatsoever. Her speech made it clear that these sorts of talk, to us may be 'blah' but to other people, whose stories are alike, whose lives are affected, are very important. I don't have the right to judge you but all you but I just have to say that we're supposed to be all in this together. It doesn't affect me as a straight girl but it's a very different story for people whose identity are always in question and suffers judgements.You don't have to listen to it but why the fucking rudeness?

I cried because I related so much. Seriously thank you. Any thing that means a lot to someone or is part of them should not be a shameful and painful experience. But, it is. And, oddly some ppl do just well expressing themselves with no problem and that is beautiful and I respect them. This isn't just about the fact that this woman wanted to say I'm a lesbian. It's about dealing with what happens when you realize something about yourself that scares you. Some people suffer from depression and fear telling anyone because they don't want people to look at them as attention seeking and just need. That's certainly untrue but in a personal mental battle I can comprehend what this occurs. I've lived it. Just like a person who has been raped may fear getting help or just opening up in fear of judgment about how they were somehow at fault for the truamatic abuse they were subjected to. Because, unfortunately this does happen to rape and abuse victims. So, this isn't as shallow as some people have perceived it. Speaking up and accepting yourself or something you have experienced is important. It does improve not only your life but someone else who may be terrified to do so. Living with chronic anxiety and stress but repressing part of you is harmful. To you and those around you. If an addict never says they're an addict do you think that's a strong foundation for recovery? No, it's not. And the fear to say that can cause death. This is more than just some coming out story to get cheers and clapping going. It's just the beginning of how fear in oneself causes negative reaction to yourself and others. I think that is the message people have missed reading some of the comments. And, it makes me wonder if the people being critical in a non constructive manner are possibly living with fear as well within. Maybe, they are afraid of being emotional. Maybe they struggle with feeling not good. Or another view maybe they don't care and that is a fear. I don't know but I do know this. It's not selfish to feel better and be authentic within yourself. You are stuck with yourself from birth till death. Create the you that brings light into you and others and you can get through some pretty tough stuff.

In my country, being gay is something bad and gay people are still not accepted. And the people who just act like they don"t really care if you are gay or straight totally lost the point. LGBT community can be acceptable in your countries but sadly, there are somewhere on this planet gay people are even sentenced to death. The main point of the speech is that she wants people to treat with LGBT more fairly. The talk WAS NOT for herself, its for us in order to help us know more about LGBT community. So to the people who couldn't watch all the video: Please don't judge a book by its cover. And if you hate someone for no reason, try to get to know more about them and be more sympathetic before you speak up for attention and give them cruel words. Just imagine walking a mile in someone else's headline. Thanks for reading and sorry for my bad English. Lmao I'm not a native speaker.

I hope to see the day when someone says "I'm a lesbian" or "I'm a gay", there is no need to clap because it has already been normalized, the time when this isn't regarded as an act of bravery but a normal one like saying "I'm straight." 🙏

It actually gives me comfort to know I will have 12 less years to be miserable.

This is one of the few jems out there when it comes to coming-out-stories in my opinion. I love that it's authentic, genuine, emotional and raw but well put together. I love the fact that it's showing a woman in her 30s/40s, that is open about struggling with her sexuality and at the same time has matured over the years and has had a lot of breakthroughs. I love that it's not just your typical motivational uplifting ted talk, that should leave you motivated, hyped and ready to be out and proud no matter what. She's being real about the downsides and about the good things and shows you that you can balance both things inside of yourself and that's maybe healthier than denying your right to go through your own process on your own terms.

Oh my god, I'm so happy for and proud of her.

ICONIC! Queen of courage and vulnerability has arrived!!!

Very brave of you, Morgana. Speak your truth and be glorious.

Good for her though, people should not have to live in fear because they are simply different.

I damn near got teary-eyed when they cheered for her.

Why are there so much negativity on this video? There is one element that repeats itself in every Ted talk, the story a person shares is based on his or her experiences. The personal story is then reflected back using some statistic or fact in some part of the talk, which Morgana has done.(83 percent of-) A speaker wouldn't talk about something that hasn't impacted him or her. Ted may be ideas worth spreading but in the description box it also said "TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of THEIR LIVES in 18 minutes (or less)." Some examples: Amy Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are Amy talks about body language and how it shapes how we feel about ourselves and how we see other people. In the beginning she gives the facts and then she mentions her personal story. The hidden meanings in kids' movies | Colin Stokes | He talks about what movies are teaching the audience about gender roles. He included facts and also how it stumbled on the idea-when he was watching the movies with his children. This formula can be applied to a lot of Ted Talks. Yes, this 2015, but it doesn't mean that it can't be beneficial to people in the LGBT community. Stepping away from sexual orientation, someone struggling with one aspect of their identity may find this encouraging.

Heartfelt and inspiring, thanks for sharing Morgana. I got a problem with the format of TED, because 10 minutes seems awfully longer than RU-vid's 3-minutes format, and yet every time I make the "effort" to start a vid, it teaches me stuff and inspires me. Thanks for making the world a better place, TED & all of the speakers :)

I know how hard to say "I'm a lesbian" cause I am and like the speaker said, I don't want to be refer as one, as I'm afraid of unacceptance and judgement. Happy for you, you have that courage for after 16 years of hiding. Still don't have that courage to finally speak up and end my whole life pretending that I am not into girls, that I'm not a lesbian. Hope one day, I will stop myself denying and stop them denying the real me. I know they have doubts of my sexuality, but they don't want to entertain it, as they always say and believe that what I felt is just a phase. But it's not. It's not changing. I'm not changing. I still prefer women.

I feel similarly with regards to my disabilities, with both my mental health and physical health, I read somewhere we lie by omission and I never tell people who or what I am facing as I feel a lot of shame with regards to how or who I am both physically and mentally. If I can I try to “pass”

A lot of hate going on here...Why? If you're straight and are saying 'who gives a damn that you're gay' you're missing the point. You have no idea what it means to 'come out'. You really don't. Make your jokes, make your snide remarks. But you don't. And for those saying that they're not your true friends if they don't like you being Gay, you're right. But it doesn't make that moment of saying the words any easier. Maybe this video means nothing to you, but maybe it does to someone else. So just keep your hatred and ridicule to yourself please.

This woman is all too inspirational. As a young adult venturing out into the world, I know the struggle of trying to fit in, to conform to expectations and to ultimately survive and it is overbearing. So I've began to stop following the crowd and instead, began to follow my intuition. It feels lonely at times and for Morgana to come out today and share with us her experience and her dedication to follow her intuition to help others is a blessing.

Hey thank you, you did make a difference. I've been feeling the same, I'm gay, 20 years old, and have come out to most people around me but not to everyone. Thank you for your words, they're so encouraging! Hiding this part of my personality is still really difficult, I'm slowly opening up, and your story really did remind me of the fact that I'm not alone. The life expectancy thing is mind-blowing. Also, I loved when you said that hiding consumes your energy, cuz it's so true... Love you and thank you so much!! Dave

Very inspiring! I can so relate to everything you're saying too. "To remain silent is to give consent". Thank you for breaking your silence :)

I'M A LESBIAN TOO!!

It is so brave of her to come out to such a large crowd, about such a big part of her life at the same time. I can’t relate to this, but I really admire her strength.

This is extremely important. We are worried with the IS, but the terror and discrimination imposed by religions based on guilt has been leading people to suicide, or worst, to live a sad lonely life, even among marrieds. For nothing. Congrats for the speaker.

As a wlw i can strongly relate to this ted. I live in Poland, where you can never really know who’s supportive and who’s homophobic so instead of saying “I did this and this with my girlfriend” or “I went there and there with my girlfriend” I always switch it up with a simple “friend” so that they could never know that the girl on my Instagram photos is my actual partner

I really felt connected to Ms. Bailey and it's so relieving to know that other folks went through the same thing that I'm going through. She's a wonderful speaker who delivered her message concisely, coherently, and fluidly. The way she delivered her speech made me able to relate to her experience: it is tough many times and there is always the fear of how other people - even friends, loved ones, and colleagues - will react. Bless your heart, Morgana. :)

i wish i was as brave as her

It can be so hard for folks to come out... I applaud your courage! Now... go on with your bad self!!!

That picture on the mountain? Such a lesbian. Girl, you're so one of us. Love it.

Thank you Morgana. Brave, courageous, authentic woman. This goes a long way to be of influence for those that need you. What a celebration of your true self!!!

I totally admired you Morgana. You are brave and kind hearted for coming out and being honest. It is funny, I'm watching this. I found a series last night titled: Gracie and Frankie. Middle age women whom husbands were cheating on them with each other for 20 years. This needs to stop happening. We are I 2018. Morgana' s speech can save many people from having to be told after 20 years of marriage: I'm living you for my best friend. Him and I have been together behind (no pun intended) your backs. There should be a law that gives jail time to these type of lies. Wasting someone's LIFE. This video needs to go viral!

i identify a lot with this. i dont want to have to come out to people over and over and over again, i just wanna be me. but your story about your friend's dad who had the vote really spoke to me.

I'm trans male, writing a presentation about the dangers of a single stories about LGTBQ+ and was looking for videos to help me. He words did not only helped me with the writing process, but that I shouldn't keep who I am from my supporting father, and from my transphobic mother. A few weeks ago, I had written a song about wanting to come out. All I gotta do now is make the instrumentals, sing it, and send it to my parents. Thanks to this TED talk, and the many amazingly supportive comments, I have gained the courage to be my true self. No more hiding. I'm done cowering in the closet.

Fantastic and importaint, one of the best TED talks I've watched in a while

thank you for being something to aspire to .that was a very moving speech ,i felt like it really spoke to me .

GIRL YES ME TOO 👩‍❤️‍👩🏳️‍🌈

It's like why me... It's like i am carrying this huge huge baggage of suffocation...it drains so much so energy out of me...i wish i was normal...

This video helped me work up the courage to finally come out to my mom. Thank you

Thank you this can really help someone.

Gratidão! É o que sinto agora ao ouvir exatamente o que minha alma precisava! ❤️

I love the comments on both sides, you got the seemingly straight people saying it's no big deal blah blah blah, and then you have the straight, gay, and bi (who knows) people interpreting the whole thing completely wrong, by saying oh no this is a lesbian thing or a gay thing. You know since a straight person or some other sexuality can't have something inside that they hide from other people that could make a difference or help some cause, if they were more upfront with others. Yeah this is totally not a relatable thing, I personally saw this speech for what it is not something specified or tailored to specific cause but a broad cause for anyone who may be hiding from themselves, and not showing their true selves, be that someone similar to her who is lesbian and is afraid to let others know or a male who is used to acting tough instead of letting other see his soft side inside, because of fear of judgment. It doesn't matter your sexual orientation, or color of your skin, none of that is needed to relate to this all you need is something that you yourself have been hiding from others and have been afraid to let others see to be able to relate to this video

she is so brave to stand out. respect

Thank You.

It was quite obvious to me that the universality of this talk is that it can be physically and mentally dangerous and shorten your life span to spend your energy hiding fundamental truths about yourself because of fear. What isn't relatable about that? The fact that there's a bunch of you who are reacting extremely negatively to her proves her point; if all of you feel the need to criticize her "self indulgence" and let her know how much you "don't care" and make sure we all know that this subject could NEVER be relevant to YOUR life; that shows very clearly the existence of the very toxic environment which caused her to stay in the closet in the first place. This could have been about an invisible disability, or a childhood trauma she never told anyone about; or the fact she never wanted to have kids; or maybe she's on the Autism spectrum; or maybe she feels she was really a man born in a woman's body; or she has dyslexia or another learning disability, or maybe her father or mother was black or Jewish or something else other than white and christian; or any number of other things people might hide about themselves. THAT is why it is a Ted Talk; and THAT is why it is universal.

i could see it in her eyes at the end that doing this talk felt right for her maybe more right than anything else that she has done in her life.i wonder what that must feel like.i live in a very homophobic environment and can't imagine if i ever get a chance or build up courage to be outspoken like that.

Thank you, I needed this!

It was quite inspirational, thank you!

Some of these commenters here need to get a life. Ignorant trash. Thank you to Morgana. I appreciate you.

This resonates so much with me. Even living in NYC I find myself conforming unconsciously. This really makes me think a lot about how I want to present myself and live my life. Thank you!

I love this talk, thank you so much. 🙏🏼☺️

WOW! A standing ovation!! Mike in Oregon

This Ted Talk changed my life.

For all the people who say that it is not such a big deal to come out, it probably is because they haven't done it. It is extremely hard in some cases, especially when you know that the people you love wouldn't accept it. Also, people don't clap because they are happy that she is a lesbian, but that she was brave enough to admit it. I just encourage everyone to be true to themselves and to do what is best for your mental health. Sending all the love in the world your way ❤

Very brave of you to very publicly be honest with who you really are! It will help people especially younger people be brave enough to come out and just BE!

Thank you so much for posting this video! I enjoyed it soo kuch and I really needed it in my life I just discovered you in 2023. I hope you're doing amazing! Congratulations on your PHD! Love from Mexico!

Thank You for your personal bravery and for deciding to be an agent of change and informing the conversation on diversity. The 12 years stat was alarming to me and I think it shows that this conversation needs to be advanced for there is still much work to be done.

2:28 oh i was just waiting for those words

Thank you

That's great!.i believe that you changed will create an extremely effect to other. Thank you for shared.

Excellent. Well done. I hid my true identity as a gay man for 63 years. When I was younger, being gay was illegal. I am still married to my wife after 51 years and I cared for her with MS for 23 years. She is in a nursing home now and nearing the end of her life. I don't have a boyfriend and probably never will. Too old now.

Everybody hides their personality a bit at work. It's not specific to persons of a particular sexual orientation. How many people keep their mouths shut at work when their first reaction to dealing with idiots in their regular non-work life is to cuss them out? But you don't want to lose your job so you keep your mouth shut and let the anger bubble in your stomach. How many people dress conservatively when your true nature is to wear neon or baby blue but it wouldn't be considered business-like in the office? How many people are closet cross dressers? I could go on. But we all tone down and hide ourselves for work depending on the job you're in and camp it up on weekends and evenings

Well done and said Miss Morgans. Bravo

Wow! So inspiring! Thank u Morgana

I wish soon I could be like her. I'm so proud of her❤

I’ve gone back-and-forth for 4yrs whether I was gay or not and I’m finally willing to admit to myself I am truly gay and this inspired me to NOT care what others think

this has helped me come out to my friend and family very helpful at work also

Thank you ❤️

why would anyone vote negative on this!?

Her basic point (from some other commenter): "If you don't tell people who you really are, when you're ready to do it, it might be too late." - her point is then reaffirmed by her statement "my closest friends were against gays.. and I didn't know, until it was too late. he voted" -- just my two cents lol.

Thank you for your bravery, ma’am. ✊🏼❣️❣️❣️

Thank you Ms Bailey. As somebody who lived in the closet for 26 years, you're speech means so much to me.

I’ve been closeted for 5 years. Still gonna keep going

I KNEW IT I knew she was gonna say she was a lesbian! Good for her! It's people like her that inspire us to not hide who we are!

So good.

This is really inspiring

Her anxiety is palpable. Her bravery; compelling. I am proud of her. ♥️

Accept your own body, that's the message. Those who reject their own body have an increased risk of depression

Thank u

loved it, really could relate.

Really Kansas? Really? God damn it Kansas...

If anyone is still watching this video 4 years later, then do acknowledge me. This video has re-energised a stress I have and I am in need of opinions. So I am a bisexual and have been with my current girlfriend nearly 7 months. I came out to my mum about 3 months ago, and she didn't react so well. There was a large amount of awkward silence and her response was 'No! Really?! But you like boys too much' before adding 'is it just experimenting or is it like an actual thing?'. So considering I expected a welcome response, this knocked my confidence. Because my parents don't live together, I also need to come out to my dad and still haven't done so. My step-mum I expect to be very accepting as she has this persona, my dad has always been homophobic but I think my stepmum has helped reduce that (we all went to pride and he didn't know it was a gay ceremony so that was awkward) But my issue is, my girlfriend often stays with me at my dads, she often spends the night when I do and it's the only time I really get to see her. So I fear if my dad's/stepmum's reaction is negative, I will no longer be able to see her or things will be different but I also hate that I'm hiding myself and my relationship from them.

I love watching this so much. 😊😊😊

Thank you Morgana

So relate to Morgana's talk. I'm a transsexual. Knew something was wrong since at least I was 14 and my feelings of gender dysphoria kept recurring throughout my life. I tried to accept myself in mid 30s after diagnosis was confirmed but with young children and a FEAR of how I'd be received as MYSELF, I closed down! At 53 I FINALLY found my self acceptance and now live as a woman. Only wish I had have had the GUTS to have done this 20, 30, 40 years ago!

I am a gay woman. i now accept and love that about myself. it has been a long journey. i am home now. i have the opportunity now to show that love to the world. being in the closet for me was a form of self hatred. i stand taller now. any homophobic slurs now slide like warm icing on a cake.

Thank you Morgana. Thank you..

go brave girl. ur inspiring ♡