This is the most accurate movie about grief I've seen in quite a long time. My Dad died very unexpectedly back when I was 17 (1986...I am an elder here). My brother and I found him in his apartment. He had gone to sleep one night and his heart stopped. He was 46. The day it happened, we had to get things out of our school lockers and buy dress shoes and clean up the yard after the dog, and all of those were tiny little reprieves from the grief, but it didn't take the grief out of the background of all of it. The first year was so hard, and I thought I'd always feel so terribly, such grief, such loss and such shock over having found my father dead...but eventually, time wears away at it, and the grief is still there, but it's smooth and I can carry it like a polished stone in my pocket. I can hold it, examine it, turn it over, and though it's still the same grief; it's a little bit easier to handle. I hope your grief achieves a state that will be something to carry a little more comfortably as time goes on. Thank you so much for sharing all you have shared about your Mom, your grief, and your life.
She didn't love you too much, sweetie. She loved you with the power and strength and passion of a real mom. She wouldn't have it any other way, believe me. Be easy on yourself, June. You weren't ungrateful. Much love. It really does get easier. I know you don't believe it now, but believe me, as sure as the sun will rise, it will get EASIER. So be easy on yourself. Please.
@@drummerlovesbookworm9738 to each their own. If she knows her mother's heart and knows her mother would want to be gentle with herself, it will get easier. Never the same as it was, but she can take a breath and not feel like an ungrateful daughter. Her mother DID NOT want that for her, ever. From experience, and with love.
June, I am speechless. You are an incredible filmmaker and story teller. The images and words.....broke my heart and made me cry. Thank you for sharing this incredibly intimate, painful and emotional time in your life.❤
I don’t know if it’s a Turkish/Sicilian thing, but Penguins are a symbol of adaptability & protective parenting. To me, your Dream symbolizes she’ll protect you from any obstacles, even if they seem harmless. Allowing your adaptations to be risk free ❤️
June - you are your mother's baby penguin. She is watching over you and protecting you. She isn't going to let bad come to you. Trust your mother's love. You sure have a special mother. ❤️❤️
People die only when we forget them,' my mother explained shortly before she left me. 'If you can remember me, I will be with you always.” - Isabel Allende, Eva Luna
Grief is an odd thing, some days it’s so extremely heavy that your feet won’t rise for you to take a step, other days it’s so light and airy that you feel like you’re floating above your own soul and looking down on your life as it goes on. It’s been 18 years since my Mama passed from metastatic breast cancer. I still grieve for her in some way every day. It never, ever gets easier. I never appreciated her or her advice. Now, I would give my left eye to hear her say, because I’m your Mama and that’s just how it is. I was fortunate or unfortunate enough to be able to be with her when her soul fluttered away. She had been unresponsive for 3 days, actively dying. I thought I would die before she did. I knew the very minute she was going and I climbed into bed with her, laid down on top her and gathered her in my arms. I literally felt her soul pass through my sobbing body. That feeling has never left me in the 18 years she’s been gone. My very soul hurts for you June. There truly is nothing like losing someone that held your heart in their palm. I wish you light and love and peace . You may never see this but I wanted you to know you are not alone in this walk through your grief❤
Hey June. I came across your personal channel today when this video was recommended. I know you will likely never read this, but I am so thankful you opened your heart up for us to listen to 🌷I lost my Dad, who was my favourite friend, about two months ago. He was only 54 and I was 26. You summed up so much of how I feel and I felt understood in a time when it feels like nobody else understands. It's like life has gone on and I'm here screaming inside wondering how we world is still turning. I'm still trying to come to terms with the loss and this new "normal." Someone once told me that "grief is just love with nowhere to go" and it really hit me hard. Thank you for this. For showing the raw, sad beauty in our loss and paying homage to the nuanced (and maybe complicated) relationship with your mother. You have such a beautiful way of articulating your feelings. For the record, if I were your Mom, I would be really proud of the person you are, and I hope that she was. My broken heart is sending lots of love to yours right now 💚
Rest in Peace, Mom. October 16th, 1957-July 28th, 2022 ❤️ I think there's a gentle symbolism of our Mothers, dying close to our birthdays. She passed 9 days after mine. You are not alone 🤞🏾
My mom died this day, the 4th of November 14 years ago when I was 13 years. The night she died, I dreamed of her telling me goodbye. Since that night, I often have « signs » of her around that time of the years. Lately I have been feeling very lonely with my grief, that I learned to live with but that never really disappear. Today I got your video in my RU-vid home page in my recommendation. The right day, with the right tittle, with the right words ❤ Thank you.
The day my partner died, I was several states away and headed out on an hour drive… I had this impending sense of doom so bad I almost told my mom we shouldn’t go because I felt we were going to get in an accident or something bad was going to happen. I don’t know exactly what time he passed, but I still think it was then and that’s what I was feeling. And then of course when I think of that, I immediately reimagine my desperate attempts to get in touch with him all day, and when I finally found out. Death and grief are so complicated. Sending you love as always June.
I avoided watching this on your channel because my mom was sick. Our relationship has always been strained and complicated, she betrayed me in so many ways. She passed a few days ago and this video popped up again. I think it helped. Thank you for this video, your thoughtfulness, your vulnerability... It just really means a lot right now in a way I can put into words.
This is one of the most compelling, vulnerable, and honest video diaries I’ve ever seen. I was right on the edge of tears the whole time. I’m so scared of losing my parents. I’m afraid that I’ll have an actual mental breakdown. Seeing you deal with it in real time makes me feel more brave and more scared at the same time. Everything will feel terrible until it doesn’t…and we just move through that somehow? I don’t get it. Thank you for sharing this with us.
I’m so glad you had your partner with you. Having to deal with grief like that alone is the absolute worst. I lost my best friend around the same time. The way you broke down at the beginning of the video and Aaron just held you and tried to distract you. I haven’t cried like that in a while. This video was better than any movie I’ve seen in a long time.
I honestly believe my grief of losing my dad has hardened my heart. It's a sad realization I've noticed over the last 4 years since losing him but I truly believe I am a different person than I was in 2018. I blame death.
I remember watching a video , when you called your mum asking her opinion about a spoiled veg, on a budget eats challenge you did... my heart really is breaking for you , I love your content and the rawness of that everyone around with world experiences lost. It's very healing for me watching your content . x I pray peace finds you June.
June, firstly, thank you for being so vulnerable. Thank you for putting these emotions into words. There aren't many diaries like this that show this side of things. You are appreciated. Loved in a para-social way and I'm grateful to have been a fan of you for ages. Your videos bring a stillness to my ever surging brain and I can never express how grateful I am for that. My mother passed suddenly in July this year and I;m still trying to come to terms with my grief and how I process it. Even a few months later, I am still numb. I've hardly been able to cry. Why? I don't know. I've always had a weird relationship with grieving. Grieving death, loss of friendships, lovers, and so on. Even now, just looking at the tiny urn I have on my desk, I still can barely believe her passing is real. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Grief is just love without an outlet. As long as you love someone, the grief will remain. It will change, and it will rise and fall with the days and seasons. Some days will be easier than others. Some days will feel like you're being crushed by a weight no one should have to bear. I lost one of my children almost 6 years ago, and her passing left a hole in my soul in the shape of her that will never be filled. You don't get over it, but you eventually learn to cope.
This resonates so much with me, when your mom died, I watched your youtube live as you navigated through cleaning her kitchen out and telling us all you found out. At the time, I didn't know I would lose my dad a few months later. I felt drawn to continue watching your progress. I have been living and grieving simultaneously, I see how in some ways we have processed grief similarly and that has made me feel less alone. So thank you June for sharing your journey. I couldn't help but tear up watching this.
I lost my mom 20 month ago and I can see myself in this. Everything you said is what I felt and still feel. What you said about grief, about dreams, about being a daughter really speaks to me. It was painful to watch and probably even more painful for you to edit and upload but thank you for doing it.
Grief is an evolving process. It has stages much like other experiences we go through in life. It hurts. For me the death of my father was physically painful. I cried while watching this. The way you've shared your story is incredibly touching. Please be kind to yourself and don't feel guilty about your relationship with her. Moms and daughters have complicated relationships. It seems from the time we're aware of ourselves as individuals we seem to begin building bridge that allows us to go back and forth between needing their wisdom, direction and acceptance and not caring what they think about us. Regret is a long road without turns. It is endless without a destination. There's no way to undo or do anything anymore. Instead celebrate the love you knew she had for you. There will be taste, smells, songs, and places that will remind you of your mother. Take those moments and be there with her. I believe that death takes people away from the physical realm but not from existence. Our memories are the way they live through us. Do things that honor her and celebrate her life. Love is eternal and it doesn't die with those we love. There's something in everyone that once we love them becomes part of us.
Sharing grief is such a profound thing, and to be able to relate during darkness.... it brings light. Thank you June. And Aaron, you seem to be a wonderful friend to have when it all falls apart 🖤
my Dad unexpectedly and quietly passed, July 18, 2022. he was 67 and perfectly healthy... he just didn't wake up. imagine the shock, the confusion, anger that i felt when my Dad died.😭 i was and still so lost and overwhelmed by grief.
When my Mom passed in 2020 I just remember the world feeling SO big and alone. Like no one would ever care about things I was excited about as much as she did. If I had ran into the street and told someone she had passed they wouldn’t understand HOW important she was in my life and how broken I was. I slowly slipped into this place of numbness to keep from feeling the brokenness. The last thing I wanted to do was acknowledge the loss I felt. I finally realized I couldn’t leave the grief, I could just move forward with it and that made me really pissed. It’s been 2 years now and I’ve grown but there are times when all I want is my mama. I just want to be able to tell her things about my life and hear her tell me not to worry, I want her to hug me like she always would. I just want her flaws and all. 🖤
@@ofdreamsandbooks6897 I’ve heard people say that parents are “successful” if they prepare their children to one day live on without them. I’ve lived on since my Mom passed, and I’m happy you’re with us as well. I just never realized I’d miss her so much. Missing them feels like such an understatement. 🖤
My mom has had a few health scares, so I was readying myself for the emotional onslaught that is grief for me. I worry a lot about losing my mom, sometimes I wish I would go before she does so I wouldn't have to deal with it but that's a selfish dream.
Thank you for sharing something that is difficult, you created a beautiful video and what felt like a homage to your mom. I appreciate your openness to what you have been experiencing and how grief works for you and potentially a lot of other people.
Your grief is so palpable, I am so sorry for your loss, this year make 7 years that my mom died after a long illness, I thought I would feel relief that she was no longer in pain, lock in a coma and suffering, boy was I wrong my grief is still seems fresh. Cherish the lovely moments you had with her, remember all that she was. Looking at you cry made me tear too as I remembered the night my mom passed, what I wouldn't give for just one more conversation with her. I feel heartbroken for you and remember you are not alone
You've expressed the grief of your mom passing the way I wish I was capable of doing when my mom died. That numbness and intensity of emotion is very surreal.
Oh June, thank you for sharing this and being so open - more people need to discuss the life altering ramifications of losing someone you dearly love. I can't know your pain as I've not lost my mother; I tell her I love her daily though because I always worry "what if this is the last time we see each other? I need her to know how much I love her." I am 100% sure your mum knew how much you loved her. And she loved you too, from everything you've said in vlogs/instagram posts about her. I'm sure she would be extremely proud of the empathetic and emotionally in-tune person you are. Heck I don't even know you outside of this parasocial existence and I'm proud of you. Keep talking about it as much as you need/want to - we are here should you wish to share your journey. Sending you all the love xo
Hey, i have been watching your budget shows which could bring instant joy to anyone. You are such a bright soul June. I am so sorry for your loss. I love my mom and i guess I know what you have been going through still be strong and keep your chin up and eat alot. Love from India 😘❤️
This is so heartbreaking to watch. A lot of what you are saying resonates on how I felt when when I lost my own mum. Sending a gazillion hugs to you. We never get over our loved ones, we just learn to cope without them. Keep putting that one foot before the other. Don't feel guilty to smile. Our mums will want us to smile and be happy . ❤ Take care of yourself honey, you are your mums legacy ❤
Thank you...just thank you. My mother passed three years ago and I could never explain how I felt and feel and somehow listening to you is everything I felt and feel.
My Dad passed in 2019. When you said you felt her more when she wasn't with you, I felt that. I lost my dad and only sibling within just a few months of each other. Some days I feel bombarded with their presence. Some days it feels like it takes everything in me to take another breath. Some days I feel them laugh at me when I trip over my feet and try to play it off. Some days I sit in the tub and cry when a song comes on that makes me think of them. All you can do is fight to breathe and keep going. Grief is so strange. You have a knowledge that you hope no one ever knows. At the same time you are in a position of understanding when you help others through it. Keep going. Do it in honor of the strong woman she was. Be the strong woman she raised. Teach others that strength. When someone is powerless, share your strength. Just. Keep. Going. I love your videos. I wish you the very best! XOXO
This video was so awesome. This was your personal video journal. Thanks for sharing your video journal with all of us. This was so awesomely done that this is the second time I see it. I even put this special video on my RU-vid playlist.👌👍👌👍
I can feel your pain I've been in the same pain since my father past away it's been almost 7 months and no matter how much I cry it doesn't ease the pain . I also regret not spending enough time with him I was always busy in my own life . We didn't even get a chance to say bye ,he pasted away in he's sleep . i still remember everything from that day like it was yesterday so I guess time doesn't heal the pain you just have to leave with that emptiness in your heart and life.😭😭😭
Grief is a weird funny thing. My mom has been gone for 19 years and just the other day I was driving and it hit me and my tears flowed like the day she died. 19 years later and the wound was as fresh as the day she left. My mom loved me so much it wasn’t until I didn’t have her did I realize I loved her sooo much. I can’t imagine not seeing her again one day. I pray that you will lay eyes on your precious mom too again.
Grieving is a gift to those who have gone , it shows that they mattered, that someone cares that they are gone. Nothing could be sadder then no one feeling grief at your passing. The fact that it doesn't pass is a testament to their life. Grief can change to something while still sad is not incapacitating, which is where I am with my Dad's passing 4 years ago.
Ahh June I felt your pain. My mum died 14 years ago and I closed off the grief to move forward. When you cried in the hotel I cried too - grieving for my mum. Aaron hugging you is purest love to comfort you. I have watched you for many years - strange to feel you know someone. I was shocked as I watched the live stream saying Mom has died. Shocked that only if you know the pain of grief can you understand that pain. It isn’t a pain I would wish for anyone. Only you can live this grief journey your way. Don’t listen to advice. Sending you strength for this journey as I still after 14 years am walking mine xx
I cried right with you June! Grief has different stages. But it never goes away. I still grieve loved ones who have passed. The memories help me get past the numbness and pain. Keep your memories close. They will help you heal.
And the grief of cleaning out their things is traumatic. It’s like finding puzzle pieces of their life, the more you find the clearer the picture of them becomes
Thank you, June, for so eloquently and genuinely depicting the experience of grief. Your words are soothing and serve as a reminder that we are not alone in managing our grief. Always wishing you all the best!
Oh June I felt your pain sweetheart, I cried with you, I lost my mom back in 2001 , 9 days after I got married! I felt as if I would die too the pain was unbearable it wasn't just emotional it was physical. I wish I could just hug you my friend... You are an amazing person and a great daughter I know that your mom is incredibly proud of you! Much love 🤎
My paternal grandma raised me as a young child. She died when I was in college. I had known she was sick months before I began making weekly, bi-weekly trips to see her. I cooked for her, like she had cooked for me, dishes that I knew she loved but I guess everyone else had forgotten. I remember the last time I got to see her, I told her I would return next weekend. I didn't. She passed away shortly after that next weekend. I can't tell you how much I regret not going to see her one final time. As the years passed, I've convinced myself that I feel her presence when I cook Taishanese dishes. Stuff that she made while raising me. Really, it's just me trying to find comfort. At the very least, I'm taking care of myself like the way she used to take care of me? Right? When you mentioned that you don't see your mom in your dreams anymore -- honestly, it's been the same for me too. My grandma used to appear in my dreams often while she was still alive. Now, it's nothing but radio silence. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful, poetic representation of your grief and giving us all a space to grieve our own loved ones. Honestly, this was much needed for me. Thank you for the catharsis.
Your words are so beautiful and insightful. I lost my mom when I was 32 as well. Sometimes I think the year mark is even harder. The numbness is still there, but the pain starts to really show itself. It's been over twenty years now. It doesn't hurt too much anymore. It just becomes a part of you. Sending my love to you. ❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing, the day the policeman knocked on my door to tell me my son slipped off a cliff taking a pictures and was missing in Lake Superior is forever etched in my brain. Grief through the years , some days you make it through the days other days, it hits like a tsunami at the slightest thought, smell, sound ... like you said, life continues. They are fine, as believers in God it makes it easier for us but still hurts . I take comfort knowing my dad was there to meet him and my mom at 89 will soon follow. Bless you dear one, moms watching out for you, look for signs, feeling of a hug, laughter in your heart....
It's been seven months since My Mom transitioned... The way you were abke to convey this is how I feel.. Sending you the warmest and biggest of hugs although we don't know each other
I was 14 as my mom died. Summer Holidays. The hair full of sand and sticky icecream. I turned that day into a crow - I coulnd't stop screaming. I felt like the north sea: I felt too much and then the flood came and everything was way too much and the other time it was the tide: I was felt nothing. I have only one memory of this time in particular: How much the ship cost to go back and how much it cost with her casket. 16 years later my dad passed away last year. I felt nothing. I couldn't felt anything. Till today. After getting the call that he died the only thing I said was: What do I do now? what should I feel? Its weird how you can grief so different for people where you should feel the same.
I’ll be praying for you I understand that hurt I lost my husband four years ago the pain of losing someone you love is really hard and I pray that God’s arms will hold you and keep you safe and happy
Grief is like a monster, lurking in the shadows. you never know when it will show itself, but you can be certain it will...sometime and somehow. After my dad died suddenly almost 8 years ago now, I found grief would pounce out at me-in my mind, triggered perhaps by memories, or maybe the memories were triggered by grief-several times every day for the first year. The second year it would be in the weeks before significant events. Now, I have moments of great sadness, but I find comfort in the memories, and I can lean into the sad feelings and accept them. I wish you well, June. Be gentle with yourself, and take the time & space you need, when you need it.
Your grief was such an accurate description of mine. Even now that it's been more than five years I still feel pain. I'm not the same person I was before he left. I don't think I could ever be that person.
Death is the single thing we are all destined to share, no matter our ethnicity, or social status, or financial situation. It should connect us and make us kinder to each other. Sending hugs to all here, crying with June and remembering those we've lost or are losing. RIP mom, I love and miss you.
Love you June, in that RU-vidr, random commenter sort of way. My friend and I talked about you the other night, just gushing about the small joys you’ve brought to our lives. I love anything you have to create, and I feel this deeply as I have been there too. I was not brave enough to show anyone, as I didn’t even leave my room for almost a month. Grief is ugly. But incredibly human.
I’m sending you so much love June. I lost my mom July 7th 2022, so I feel the pain. I was her full time caregiver and she passed in her sleep. It’s a pain no one can explain unless they have been through it! I lost my dad almost 7 years ago. I’m so proud of you for the strength you have! ❤
I'm so sorry for your loss and pain. That's interesting that you had a dream about a penguin because they say that it usually symbolizes an important person in your life it also means that you can be taking a long or distant Journey, I feel like your mom was trying to reach you in your dreams. It absolutely breaks my heart to see you so sad it makes me want to cry
Hey June, I've been an avid fan of your cooking series! Anyway, I was so sad when you shared about your mom. I could not imagine the pain you have gone through. From your cooking I could see how close you are with your mom. Anyway 3 months ago, I suddenly lost my mom, my best friend, my cheerleader, my spoiler. My world crashed but I had to rise back up as fast as I could because I had my 3 little kids with me in Manila. Watching you mention ingredients your mom left you and you are so proud of her. I feel your pain, I share your grief, we will never be the same again, we are renewed without our moms...
