The Development of Aggressive Children | Jordan B Peterson 

Bless you both

Aggressive kids are like aggressive breeds of dogs. They're not inherently aggressive, they just got a stupid amount of energy and need to let it out. When that energy is suppressed it is expressed in a dysfunctional way. Glad you and your husband recognize this and are helping the more enrgentic kids learn to channel their energy into something positive and productive.

Thank you for the share

@@joannamonique707 Some breeds of dogs genuinely are more prone to being aggressive than others. Behavioural traits can be bred for. My own dog comes from a lineage bred to be a little more aggressive and despite having raised her from when she was 8 weeks old and given her all the play, love and socialisation she needs we still have issues with her going into attack mode at only slight provocation. We've trained it out of her a little but it's a part of her nature and I've come to accept it is impossible to fully train away. Fortunately she's a small dog so she can't do much harm when she gets aggressive. Where I am there's a lot of Staffordshire terriers around and many of them come from lineages where one or more of their ancestors has been cross bred with American bulldogs specifically for the purpose of making fighting dogs. There's now an over abundance of this particular mixed breed even amongst the normal breeding stock. When it comes to temperament that mix of breeds produces a world of difference. The Staffie is called the nannie dog because it's a breed known for being extremely protective of youngsters. It will protect a human baby from its own parents if it thinks those parents are putting the baby at risk. That willingness to be stubborn somehow gets twisted with the American bulldog input and it produces a real problem dog. I've lost count of how many times I've heard stories of Staffies attacking other dogs in my area and have seen it a few times as well. Even one that frequents a park I go to and my dog liked to play with when they were young has now become a problem dog. The owner is a lovely guy who's a bit at a loss of how to deal with the change. We've had two Staffies attack an old man wandering through the nearby dog park and I know of two instances of small dogs being killed. There's definitely a strong element of nature involved. It's not all nurture. Huskies are another one to be a little wary of. They're delightful most of the time but they are one of the ones who have a little bit of the wolf still in them and it comes out when they get in a pack with other Huskies.

You guys probably don’t get enough recognition for what you do. Bless you both

For kindergarden id figure arts and crafts IS the lesson.

@@jakewebb7995 it should be!

I was training to be a K-12 teacher and I got to train in a 2nd grade classroom. It was so depressing seeing how much the kids wanted to play. I felt especially bad for a kid who was sat away from the other kids. I tried to pay extra attention to him during my time and the kid was perfectly normal, poor thing just wanted to talk. After a while I noticed even the quietest kids would randomly want to chat during the lessons but being a student myself, I couldn't do much about it. Sometimes I consider going back for lateral entry, but there is no way I'm teaching children through Zoom and shooing them away from each other.

If Piaget is correct, students don’t have the ability to abstractly think. Common core standards in math ask students as young as kindergarten to reason conceptually and abstractly. Why does the math work? Why do you carry/borrow when you add/subtract? Many adults can’t answer these questions and yet we want kids in 2nd/3rd grade to answer these questions using academic vocabulary. I’ve always thought it was ridiculous.

Last part made me fall off my chair. I understand your point and agree tho

The way of the world today is sad and depressing

@@BabesbyJanea I agree. Sometimes I look around at people's values and their priorities and it's so sad. I home educate my children in the hopes I can start them off on a happier more fulfilled path.

This is absolutely the best way you could attempt to describe this. You are correct in my book, friend.

@@K8rtotsnKermitsauce ah thank you. I do crave those simple things but know i can't have them. Especially sitting around a fire at night with a tribe so to speak. Feeling connected. Life now is unnatural.

I plan on homeschooling my daughter . No one cares about your childs life and education like their own parent . I realized being a teacher is JUST A JOB to most of them . They wake up miserable to go to work for a small check. Most don’t really care if our child had a good day or not .

Holding upside down? 😂😂😂😂

@@johnnk3256 yeah as if she is doing a handstand, she loves it

@@brunettesweetie21: Its just that I picked up my nephew like that two weeks ago and he bit my knee...🤣🤣🤣

@Astropathix XIII what is that supposed to mean?

I'm a dad and I love doing it with my daughter as well. She needs stimulation from both male and female parents to develop all areas of her brain/emotions/personality.

Some times it's necessary

@@richix64 absolutely, need to draw a line in the sand, need to defend the line as well.

🤣🤣🤣

😂😂😂 legit.

@@alecnolastname4362 "Hold the line men! Hold the liiiiiiiine!" As the young kids line their little G.I. Joe's, Army men and Barbies into flanks of toys ready to stand for justice, truth, and Jolly Ranchers. 😂

I thoroughly agree

It might be conditioning. Get children addicted early for the life of madness and despair they will have to take on

You say that like mutilating them with hormones and surgery isn't currently being touted as the height of proper parenting.

@@UnbeltedSundew that's far less common but also a very big problem.

Hey, amphetamines are great.😃 Maybe not for little kids though.

This os amazing parenting. Keep enjoying your time with your children!!!

I’m 6 10”, you’d look like a baby next to me 🤣

That's awesome man! Great parenting. This is why fathers are so damn important. Especially for little boys. The only way they'll ever learn healthy and positive ways to deal with aggression and other emotions associated with natural male hormones as they mature and grow into young men, is to learn it from a man. They need a strong masculine figure to emulate. Without that, they'll find their own ways to deal with their emotional development, and they will not be healthy or positive.

@@LESTIFISA You seem really cool and chill to hang with.

@@T0ASTYWAG1992 hahaha thought the same thing

No, sometimes doesn't have the same meaning as everything. You may try again.

@@ladymercy5275 Dude, you got the order of operations backwards lol. It goes that you apply the rule to everything. That rule being that SOMETIMES you cant be good at two things at the same time. Its an overlaying statement. Theres no reason you can't apply that rule to every situation and disregard it when necessary... After all, *_sometimes_* you *_CAN_* be good at two things at once. The saying implies deciding which situation it falls under. True or false.

What happened to him?

@@sonofsoweto He became very ill. Looks like he is doing better now, happily. Find the update from june 2020 for some insights. It is quite complicated to describe.

He became very ill because of an illogical diet. People like him think they know everything. He paid a price for it.

@@jimtownsend3910 he became addicted to psychoactive anti-anxiety meds and then suffered severe withdrawal when he stop he took those pills to deal with his wife close to dying of cancer …no diet there buddy and you probably know him personally thinking he knows everything 🙄

@@knolose1 actually he was on those meds for years before his wife got sick. He's been on meds his whole life.

That’s beautiful. Sorry to hear about your husband, my condolences. However it warms my heart that you still have support 💗.

Children are processing information and events naturally by physical exercise in fresh air. It increases the blood flow and prevents negative chemicals produced in the brain by stress to get stored in the body. You should take your child on a very long walk every day and make it also the time of a very stimulating conversation. Don't make it a power walk. Let the child stop to look at things and the freedom to enjoy what happens naturally. Also - sing with your child. I grew up in Germany after WWII. Every child was traumatized. All teachers made us sing all the time and school started every day with a song. It made such a difference in a very sad time.

Sounds like you have a good father. Rough play is a great way to teach cooperation and competition. Don't lose that teaching later on in life, it will help you go a long way. All the best to you!

@@MasteryOrder Thanks, this feels very good to hear from you. I'm currently 18 and I have high hopes and dreams about having at least 3 children ( I don't bloody know how I'm gonna pay for everything). And rough play is something I'm very much looking forward to doing with them. I hope you're doing good

@@user-yq3fv3fd1e One thing I can share with you. Your dreams will be challenged throughout your life and sometimes you won't know what the next day brings. Don't let anything destroy your vision. Keep your word to yourself and to others and push through no matter what comes. You'll find a way even to finance your dream. From the way you write you seem like you are on the right track. Respecting others and able to take a good word while being humbled by the proportions of your dream. Respect. You will have your rough play with your kids. All the best to you!

@@MasteryOrder Thanks man I really appreciate you. It's not every day you get such great words of encouragement on the internet.

@@user-yq3fv3fd1e You're welcome. I think it's important to support people that want to pick up a big challenge and hustle a way to get it. I always think to act as the man I wish to be would act and that man acts in the service of others. All the best to you! Hustle your way through!

My nephews, 8, 6, don't have a father, recently I've been wrestling and playing ball a them and realized they didn't know how to do those things, the 8 year old throws elbows and wants to kick, I've been trying to teach an what hurts and equal, opposite pressure, I think it'll do so some good, they just want to rough house every time I go over now.

Yes! We have a trampoline with the protective netting around it. Remember when we were kids we had to balance and not fall off.

Yes this is so true.

@@gandolphthered9239 Good for you. I even loved wrestling with my Dad and Brothers as a kid. Bear hugs always started it off LOL! It's some of the best play and a great way to learn limits with yourself and others.The last thing you want to do when playing with your friends or family is harm them seriously.

I know what you mean but think two things are at play. Like before I broke my elbow at age 16 I was about the only person in my classes who hadn't broken a bone yet, didn't have a facial scar even if it's small and we had people with really bad injuries like a kid messing with a lawn mower and needing the bottom part of his leg amputated I don't know exactly how much more coordinated we were and by that token, my father broke his spine horse riding in a dangerous region, was hit by lightning, had a filing cabinet fall onto him on a staircase and his brothers and sisters all have scars they can attribute to one or more of the other siblings!!

I don’t care how much you’re into the lecture, that nobody laughed at that was weird!

I can't stop laughing at it. It gets me every time. I wonder if he did mean it as a flippant statement or not.

And make no mistake....sometimes its necessary.

Truly

It’s sad that it has to be taught. It’s a natural thing to do, especially for fathers to do with their kids.

Why? This is such a basic shit

​@@valenciasaintilus9573not as basic as it seems especialy to "progressive" countries. Progressing backwards imo.

I feel you there

Which book?

Yep Erickson..taught him to grad and undergrad students also Piaget...human development

Yeah which book :p

Should have gave them some tasks to do.

Exactly. My daughter has a developmental delay. I’m a single mother with no family anywhere close and she just turned 4. I’ve struggled so much and no matter what I do she seems to fall farther behind. This has been terrible for her.

@@MaloneMantooth It's not about giving a child tasks to do. It's about them learning how to socialise. Kids don't learn that by sitting at home with parents.

@@xxnario7286: So since people have been on this planet they have always relied on school and other kids to learn how to socialize? Lol.....if you can't teach your kids how to interact with other human beings maybe you should not have had them Lol.

What lockdown... you can go to parks, go hiking, go have fun outside. Bunch of things you can do with your kids. I take my 3.5 year old into the woods with her hiking toys/equipment and we explore and learn the nature around us. This lockdown is a joke.

I think its the passion within him, you can see that he really cares about raising awareness for this.🤍

It's that one thing, regardless of all else, that gives someone the makings of being a good teacher.

What was/is he like as an adult? Very aggressive?

@@D4n1t0o i

@@D4n1t0o yes he was. We were always walking on eggshells growing up, never knowing what would set him off. He passed away July of 2020

@@rowdy7480 That must've been horrible. I'm sorry you've had to live with that and whilst I'm not sure how you feel about his passing, I'll say I'm sorry to hear about that as well.

I wonder if he was bipolar, but his family never knew because he was never diagnosed.

I’m so sorry to hear that, I can’t imagine what that’s like to be a guardian for him. If you don’t mind me asking, how do you have those conversations with him that you can’t hit people in a situation like that?

My nephew was the same in that way. He is HUGE. Like 115% for his height and weight, so he's at the time a 6 year old, the size of a nearly 10-12 year old and him trying to play like they did was awkward, and so they stayed away and he responded with more anger and aggression. Once his parents finally realized what I was saying and started to teach him the "cool" role he could play in this environment of being the bigger kid that can lift them of reach stuff and how he has skills they don't, the other kids started to realize that he was ok. And he learned that he can be different and make it a good thing. He needed an outlet for energy and a direction and he was fine. But he was super aggressive.

As silly as it sounds... it’s his way of looking for connection because some is better than none. He could be feeling unsafe if his mum never really allowed any kind of attachment. Being around these other kids will be a bit like being at home again?

Its Not only hitting out of Frustration. There is no other way at this moment he can get the other Childrens attention. Try to Teach him other ways to establish Contact, practice at home with dolls, habe Friends over. Kids do what Works. And if hitting is the only Thing that Works they will continue doing it.

I hope he will turn around with more stability and structure. Kids are resilient, it’s good if you to step up.

i still dont get it please help

@@TheReaper569 He's talking about a group of thirty 2-year-olds and a group of thirty 3-year-olds.

@@OokamiKageGinGetsu ah silly me. i heard it as 32- 33 year olds and the subtittles said it was 32-33 year olds. I thought peterson made a mistake in speech.

@@TheReaper569 No, just a mistake in language. English is funny sometimes. Language in general can be funny sometimes.

Because I really didn't want to do that damn report. Now I'm sitting in HR

You can in a way. With the internet! I don't think he's teaching anymore. Not sure if he's on medical leave or quit the U of T but he had a health stint over the past couple of years that he had to travel off of continent for. One way I like to look at it is this; he's recorded a lot of his own lectures and posted them on the internet. Now his university style of lectures are available for free here. What he know's is said and recorded for us to look at whenever we want as many times as we would like. He's doing new books and now doing interview podcasts with some really wild guests. Always something new he's rolling on instead of the same old repeated tenured process at a post-secondary institution. He's one of those minds you want to quit doing repetitive things and have him innovating and being creative and learning more so that he may pass it on to us.

My brain would explode

I took two classes from him tho really good Check our his playlists

Sounds like my life honestly so when I finally met someone actually nice and like me, I’m still paranoid. I have Asperger’s, so I don’t get most things and I put people off by my odd interests.

I unfortunately spent the first couple of years of my daughter’s life following in the foot steps of my own crappy parents. Demanding, yelling, etc. Her behavior spiraled. Finally I realized that I was the problem and began a much more respectful approach, and the changes have been amazing within just a few months. My daughter can now identify her feelings, calm down after a good but short cry, and understand boundaries. Hopefully I can mitigate any damage I’ve already done through my mistakes, but talking to my child like she’s a full person worthy of respect has indeed yielded a more kind, empathetic, and well-behaved child, who I can rest assured is finally receiving the love she has always deserved.

Absolutely correct 👍.

@@nothinglikeburntvag Good job parent, I hope I will also be there soon since I really struggle with this myself as a mother.

It will happen! Learn what your boundaries are, when you need to step back, and self-regulate. Then you will be more able to parent consciously rather than reactively. Best of luck to you!

@@nothinglikeburntvag Thank you for the advice, I will excercise that approach!

Ded.

😂😂😂🤣

Lmao

K here. Most home schoolers I know have their kids in town sports like baseball, soccer etc. Or have kids in dance, music, meet for play dates at parks, a swimming pool etc. Sorry that didnt work out.

You know that they say that to everyone’s parent. Your kid isn’t the smartest in her “whole career” unless it’s her first year teaching.

@@christiewright1457 nice opinion

Aggressive at school and a doll a home. Bipolar disorder Or Perhaps you refuse to see that your child without loving eyes.

lol

Elly Queen not really that funny.

Psychonaut see how no one agrees with you.

Psychonaut I don’t hold him like a god, he’s human and he has flaws obviously. But that doesn’t delegitimize his years of research. The truth he speaks isn’t his own, he’s simply amplifying the ideas discovered long ago. And anyone who will find ways to undermine that is either willingly ignorant or doesn’t agree with the emphasis of the individual.

Psychonaut well since my life has been tremendously better ever since I could understand the importance of conducting myself properly in the world, I’d say that I learned something useful from Jordan Peterson. Observing how the ideas he speaks of guided many people thousands of years before me aswell, I think that’s enough evidence for me to listen as if he knows something I don’t. 😊

Even with the amount of information s we have today It is hard to make the right decisions raising kids. Maybe your parents did the best they could. Maybe you are toughter then someone raised overprotected and this helps you everyday. Parenting is so tought. Take care man.

Start with one of his books.

@@kylegibbard Thanks for the suggestion. I actually have read one of his books. But.. that's just not the same as, talking things through.

@@MRSketch09 I hear you, that’s fair. Never be afraid to have a mentor or someone you trust that can give you sound advice.

Same

The fact you seeking to educate youself all ready about how to rear a child. Means your doing a pretty good job already and are ahead of the game and everyone else allready 👍

You are going to be a great father one day. All a child really needs is love, discipline and understanding.

You will do well especially considering you were a messed up kid.

@@michil75 explain the logic behind that

@@taz12184 Agree with Taz. But don’t worry about setting a time limit. Whether by 30-35 or 40, just keep that mindset, keep focused, and stay healthy and yours will be just fine ✌🏽

Yes both parents are essential.

Not all fathers discipline. I did not my ex.

Okay assholes! Too many single moms and absent dads done ✅

Single dads with children better then moms ?

What if the discipline comes from the mom and the mercy from the dad?

Same. The dominance thing was the defining characteristic as a kid lol😂

Yups to both of you. I swear the USA rewards such characteristics

When kids are hyper aggressive it often means they are highly intelligent, bored out of their mind and left without stimulation or guidance. It's a clear sign of neglect.

My youngest brother is at an all boys school that encourages this in healthy ways

My daughter did the same at that age. You just have to teach her how to do the opposite and what is appropriate touch... what "no" and "nice" is. Have her pet a dog and say "nice", touch her face softly and say "nice", when she hits say '"no" that hurts ouch'...and follow by showing her something "nice". Works pretty quickly.

Lol to overprotective let em play Damn man

And for girls too. He talks about that also.

My son and his father play fight every day. My son loves it. And he is strong. It is pretty annoying though! Especially when it's on my bed or when they fall into me. So I understand!! Lol!!

Especially with boys in a classroom setting. Boys have more advanced gross motor in comparison to girls, if I correctly remember, so the classroom setting severely inhibits boys (and some girls) in their development. We need to allow for more “play rough” activities in the classroom. When I was a little girl, I used to play fight with boys a lot in school, race against them, arm wrestle them (I also played with girls btw) and I found that when I entered the classroom setting, I and the boys had very good concentration because we had the chance to let out our inhibitions in the playground. I noticed that those, however, who didn’t know how to exhibit playful aggression in the playground were often very disruptive/had low attention span in the classroom.

I don’t agree with this at all. I was raised that it’s simply good manners and common courtesy to smile at people. You don’t need to do anything more than that but you can simply smile and be friendly. There are no good outcomes for a person who walks around with a mean and unwelcoming face. I can say for a fact that my smile has gotten me lots of things. People treat me better, people give me things for free, I get better customer service, I get better deals, and I almost always get hired when I go on interviews. Overall I have a lot of positive interactions in my life. I can guarantee that anyone who is conditioned not to smile (unless they want to) are people who do not get what I get from people the same way a likable smiling person does. Never underestimate the power of being likable. Now, I don’t condone people-pleasing. My child will have a backbone and he will learn to set boundaries and when to say no to people. But I will teach him the societal benefits of being likable.

Doing it of their own volition is best, too. Cycling, running/climbing, even skateboarding (which arguably isn't great for your health, it's like the athletic equivalent of smoking) are good for kids and adults alike provided you can do them without breaking your skull or your spine--or your bank account if you live in the USA. Gym class is not voluntary--it's school. Many kids forced into physical activity without choosing it themselves will probably refuse to do it for the rest of their lives simply for that reason, much the same way I loved reading as a little kid and can't be arsed to do it anymore. That sucks.

That’s a good point. More men should become teachers then.

@@EB-gt1pq men usually want to earn decent money.

@@BBountyHunter Women too, but who cares right? Why is it that jobs that are female-dominated are so badly paid (and therefore so little valued)? Even when it employs highly educated professionals and when the purpose of their work is arguably "important" to society? Cuz I can't think of a more important responsibility than raising the next generation. Yet teachers are underpaid and undervalued. Just why?

@@quinncreel6091 wrong. Women are after job security/safety more than money. No idea, why it’s such a low paid job, man. I used to be a teacher when I was 23-25. I quit after 2 years because the career progression and pay were crap. Maybe because it’s relatively easy compared to other, more specialised professions?

It is proven that our current education system favors women. It is modular. Men thrive in a more linear environment.

It also doesn't have to be throwing them in the air, pillowfighting is a great example of low risk rough and tumble play.

When you start talking “consensual” when the discussion is about a child who is maybe a year old fr starters, you have already lost the point! 🤣🤣🤣

@J B Why the hell would anyone allow a baby to get roughed up? Jordan Peterson is logical but he’s not a psychopath...

@J B Also, if you think babies can’t consent you’re either greatly misinformed or you haven’t spent much time with babies...believe me when they don’t consent to something, you’ll know. They voice their opinions through screaming their heads off...

@@laurenj432 exactly and that's how they learn how to play, and when to stop. And set their boundaries. Cause you can't expect everyone to respect them you have to learn to enforce them. And learning to respect others. especially boys, they're strong when they grow up and need to learn when it's still fun and when it's actually hurting or a no go topic or whatever. Their partner will thank you later.

I think it depends how you use the term. Rough and tumble play is certainly important for their development, but some people take it too far, and use "boys will be boys" as an excuse for bullying or other bad behavior. It's important to give kids the chance to develop properly, but part of that involves giving them feedback when their behavior crosses a line.

They mean don’t use that term to excuse boys’ stupid behavior.

Even puppies are supposed to be kept with their litter for some certain time for they can grow up to be good dogs. If im not mistaken.

I think what you may be referring to is his talks about the Jungian Shadow. Search Jordan Peterson Shadow and there should be plenty of options. He speaks about the shadow pretty regularly

@@mclimin7326 Thanks for replying. I have watched him talk about the shadow. It has helped me a bit, but I was looking for something which refers to my problem more directly.

Your not good socially in what way ? you have trouble when in a group rather than one one one ? or just trouble talking to anybody . You can improve this by simply going to a mall. Make eye contact with others & smile. This can be escalated later after your comfortable by just saying good morning or anything else to people you pass by. You build confidence by doing so. It can be escalated further by having a short convo with randoms anywhere whether mall or supermarket even while at the checkout. Females love to talk, tho to be fair you have to gauge their reaction i.e body language & whether answers are short perhaps one word (not interested) or long (feel free to chat). A job in retail is perfect as you have no choice but talk to customers. Not everyone will respond with smiles however you won't get beaten either lol. Convo's are best started with questions about the person/s you talk to if your in a group or one on one's . Everyone likes talking about themselves. Hobbies,sports etc Believe it or not Russel Brand doesn't like groups, he is naturally shy. I'm no different. The trick is getting confidence & nobody will bite you, well not literally hahaha. Try it out it's a lot of fun

Thank you. You are right. The trick is getting confidence.

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Knowledge is power! 🙂

Tossing? not like a pizza I hope 🥴

Ahaha no! Her body doesn’t actually leave my arms more than like half an inch probably less now that she’s 6 months old