The drunk narcissist 

Mine, too.....and the drunk crap after we split...."I don't remember"......most of the horrid crap I took.

Oh yes, he drunk every day, he couldn't function without alcohol

Same here and substance abuse. It carried on to me and I had a childhood full of drug use

Absolutely. It's the worst when it's your child

the whole of his family, drink, drugs, dodgy stuff ...I felt so out of place & knew something was off !! I wasn't a drinker but felt forced to drink on family events ! 3 yrs later when I look back at this wreck of a family I'm so lucky to have escaped them ...🙏👌

That's my sister I'm embarrassed to be around her

Yes!

@@donnawheeler2195 so true

@@donnawheeler2195 always!

Yeah a brutal honesty with a lot less filters, gets messy. I do believe emotions get amplified as well, perhaps already extreme and held in but certainly an amplification of the speed at which they are expressed rather than a more gradual, civil, and composed handling of an adult. Basically reverts emotional regulation and accountability to the state of a child in drunkenness. A sober narcissist might become a fully realized dark-triad throwing tantrums when drunk.

Actually, studies have shown that alcohol can and does induce personality changes. It removes inhibition such that people are more impulsive and say or do the first thing that comes to mind. This may not reflect their true or more well-behaved selves.

But would it not then be not only reasonable, but logical to assume that the first thing that comes into the mind of a bigot would not be the first thing that comes into the mind of someone who was not a bigot? That the first thing that comes into the mind of an abuser, a rapist, a misogynist, a bully... be entirely different from the first thing that comes into the mind of someone without any of those qualities? I never suggested that alcohol doesn't change what a person DOES or how they BEHAVE. I said it doesn't change who a person IS.

@@purpleiguana208You can be severely in distress, by say PTSD, which can make people spiral out of control when combined with massive amounts of alcohol. This doesn’t reveal their true selves at all, just their hopelessness and pain. Or say, someone is mourning the death of a loved one. Combined with massive amounts of alcohol this will reveal pain and agony, not the true self of the person. Often hopeless people, who are in despair, will be more likely to show some form of destructive behavior. This doesn’t mean the person is self destructive.

It actually seems worse when they're coming off of the alcohol and they've documented the chemical change in the brain that happens.

Ya. Then wake up to pee. Start again

Mine would be drunk before work ended at 4:30 p.m..

​@@ginacassares6801so true ..I hope my father dies

Try for 6 hrs😔

😂😂😂 OMG! SO TRUE!!! I often say (now) "Whew, I got a night/day of peace"

Man... I hate alcoholics with a passion and even those I love.

Same!! Ugh

It is so unnerving to read through comments and realize how we could be talking about the same person, yet we are not. That fact alone sinking in is so so scary. I hope you are doing well now.

Omg, I totally understand!!!!

DID I DO ANYTHING WRONG? i just cannot imagine I never knew much about the " Narcissist " people at all. I'm just 27! How come I didn't know this? Maybe cuz I didn't get to experience it before?! And I can not just imagine, how many people are in the same boat or have experienced this?? Woah! Demonic monsters,soul sucker,leech people! (This is what I have learned). **Something happened recently, which just again shook me to the core. I know everyone who listened to it told me I HAVE BEEN BLESSED TO GET AWAY FROM SUCH A PERSON! I believe it too now, but it still hurts me even after 6 months, why? Why am I so fucking genuine for shitty people? Recently went through something. Met someone for an arrange marriage( clicked on the 1st meeting,texted and thought there's mental compatability for sure).He was good looking and I'm a sucker for looks. He seemed so charming and impressive just like the man I wanted for a husband. 5 yrs elder then me(31 he was).He has an ego problem(he insulted in a way my dad and my bro over an audio msg when they were going around and checking about his drinking past).He told me about his casual drinking but he said he won't do it if I don't like it at all since I told him I won't move ahead if u drink.Later on, he did not lihe did not like my gift (local brand) and he told me he's into chanel/gucci brands and that he wouldn't even give this gift to his servants or that if u can't afford don't give one. Then one time he said " iwont change this is my nature,u need to focus more on what I say and understand my nature". Family was very imp to him,he said call my mom/sis beforehand as I need to come into his family and live. When I said call my bro(he had a bad footing with him in the start)he used to say don't push me and I will do on my own and then one day he got mad and said I won't do it even in the future too.I let it go. Passing some comments to me like"prove your worth first, or that respect has to be earned". I'm a freaking doctor and he was just running his own property business, he used to make me feel like I'm below him maybe? I always appreciated and said u are a self made man I like it, he wasn't educated much. Commented on my dressing( he was into light colours more, I was into bright colours, hI said ok will add light colours for him). Recently his mom said some stuff to my mom regarding they didn't like the "handcarry" in which the gift was given to her son. I for the first time took my family's side and told him over a call, that we aren't materialistic people etc. I told him to be neutral and think. Next day I see he blocked me from everywhere and texted " it's over, your last call has crossed all red lines ". I'm just so hurt heartbroken, he ended up blaming me? I had the most genuine intentions for him, was ready to do everything. Did i do something wrong by that last call? P.s its been 6 months since it happened. Just recently saw a video on insta, his wedding happened! Started to have flashbacks all over again.

Oh my God, such a brilliant comment!

@@vincentoravec261 Dr. Ramani totally gets narcissists 🌟

Narcissist screen name

Yes yes, imagine the amnesia syndrome by dawn

I think alcohol is the cause - not a magnifier - alcohol destroys most drinkers and makes them a narcissist even when sober.

For hours he was jelling downstairs by his own 😢😢😢😢

Right

@@paulineklostermann5877 argue with themselves

@@emmarae4322 so true

Yep.😔💔

A sober narc will do the same. Mine was at work when I showed up as a surprise visit only to stumble upon her being slapped in the ass by one of the kitchen workers (to which she did not object). When I confronted her about it she called me a pussy because I was supposed to do something about it, even though I did almost end up in an altercation with the kitchen worker. I guess I didn't do enough. I guess according to the narc way of thinking, Im a pussy because I didn't end up beating someone and ending up in jail. No narc is a good narc or a "better" narc, not a sober one or a drunk one.

Exactly! Double whammy, when the Ex Narc would come home drunk and say it was my fault that he drinks. When I found out that he was cheating with multiple women it was my fault for not giving him attention. So much happier to be out of that situation!

Yep… it’s always your fault, “if you cared more about me, you would have known what was going on in my “ 🤮

@Simply... And so will a sober narc!

Exact words. I was told I deserved to be cheated on both drunk and sober.

I smoke pot. I knew I would be getting high on something... So I chose to smoke and rarely drink. Even temperament.

So relatable. So very relatable. My father was an alcoholic, but, he died when I was 8, and then my mother fell apart, found another alcoholic man to move in, who encouraged her into heavy drinking, and so three siblings were raised by an alcoholic...it wasn't until the years passed that I began to realize there was something different about my alcoholic mother because she didn't change her ways for the better when she was sober, as did other family alcoholics...and eventually I learned about narcissism. For me, in the end I needed more than just knowledge and strategies...I needed real healing (there was violence and foster homes in my childhood as well) and, in time, my desperate search for healing led me to Jesus. Understanding, boundary establishment and behavior modification took me only so far...but it never healed the emotional pain and over reactive nervous system that I'd lived with even after I made the necessary changes to ensure I had less narcissists in my life. Today I can literally 'smell' a narcissist or an alcoholic from far off...it's like Jesus left just enough pain in me to trigger me (warn me?) to avoid the narcissists. Pray for, yes, have coffee with, no.

@@cymbolichuman433 people will act like weed is just as bad as alcohol. The human body has an endocannabinoid system, but it does not have an alcohol system, so the proof is in the puddin

Hugs, yep.

@@cymbolichuman433 I really believe from studies I read it mostly calms people and stops muscle cramps and spasms. So it must have an ANTI CHOLINERGIC EFFECT ON TJE BRAIN STEM

No, the true monster appears.

@@DashadashaPilova My dad is this - he's "normal" until about two and a half beers in - THEN - he changes into a know - it -all, nobody is smarter than him, coward asshole!

My friend recently cut ties with me and now that I think of it, I think he did me favor.

@@zadeify9596 Was it HIM/HER, or yourself?

@@Bunnytoes666 I think I mentioned it already...

I believe, seen and been on the receiving end of some bizarre behaviour too.

Same! Much love and healing to all. ❤

Same.

Like some Hitchcock Psycho movie! Yep, I know unfortunately.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? How do you treat this? The family doesn’t get that they cannot have a single drink. They don’t always binge drink, but it’s always a surprise to them when they act out and go into this rage. I can only wait for the train wreck.

I blamed his drinking for not remembering things that were important to me or that I mentioned and inconsistencies in his stories. He was a drunk narcissist and a cheater...things ended a couple of months ago, but I still feel sad and disappointed. The nice guy I met didn't really exist. I am still angry at myself for not seeing the red flags. I wish no one had to go through this experiences :(

@@dianacantor9882 my narc is my husband's sister. My SIL is the "hub" of the family, I'm sure you can figure out why. When she's not drunk she's "responsible" and "mature." "Dependable" and "reliable." Successful. When something needs to be done she's there to do it, whether you asked for her assistance or not. And then, we have to acknowledge the sacrifices, we have to praise the selflessness or else we ourselves are selfish. She's the most upstanding of citizens. Until she gets drunk. When she gets drunk everything comes out: How ungrateful we all are. How everyone in her family (*SHE) hates me. The disdain and disgust she has for her own brother, telling story after story from childhood, meant to embarrass and humiliate him. All of it so funny and entertaining, ha ha ha! Then, in the following days, after all the hurtful words and feelings, she wants to know why I'm ignoring her; that she didn't remember saying anything of those things, that she didn't know WHY she would say those things and so, there was no explanation. No apology. Nothing to be done. Just move on. Never said sorry. This woman ruined both of my pregnancies, the first directly and the second even after no contact. But the trauma from the rest of the family is why I watch these videos. Because she's still there even though I've separated myself. She goes on and on about how my baby doesn't look like anyone in HER family, that he only looks like me, and the implications are clear. And this is after no contact. I haven't spoken to her directly since Nov 2020, when her grandparents were hospitalized with COVID and she accused me of hiding my husband's phone and keeping that information away from him because he wasn't responding to her texts. He was sleeping, but you see what her mind immediately jumped to. After I confronted her and told her he didn't get the messages because he was sleeping (an issue he and I were already fighting about, with a young baby and all) she didn't apologize, but instead told me I couldn't blame her for thinking it, and that it was my fault she assumed that about me because I had been "disrespectful" in the past. All this to say, I'm sorry you went through that, but it's not your fault and there's nothing you could have done to change it. I can't get away from my narc completely but I'm glad you were able to. My husband's mother is terminally ill and living her last days and the main person responsible for her care is this woman and it breaks my heart.

@@MeltedButterPrincess It is really heartbreaking when people tell you to "just move on" instead of discussing their actions and how they affected us. I hope these videos and all the help you can get teach you of ways to dealing with your SIL. I am incredibly helpful with Dr Ramani, the dr from Surviving Narcisism for their wisdom and for the survivors who share their experiences. I don't know where I would be withouth all these wonderful people's words.

My heart hurts so much from this. Idk what to do

Absolutely 💯 correct

I wish people would actually learn from their failures and do better.

You accurately described the misery being “married “ to the ex.. an abusive cheating malignant narcissist alcoholic.

Yes. Most of the time narcissistic fathers are getting away with doing crimes always behind closed doors -- All in the name of father's right to control the children he is biological father to.

Covert Narcissist Red alert. The victimhood after being the aggressor. But they exist in spectrums and alcohol just amplifies the drama n shit.

Yes…this was my Grandma

EXACTLY! I lived thru this too! So thankful to be free. He had such a hold on me…thanks to Covid for shutting the world down and keeping me away from him. 🙏🏻

Totally. You are not alone....

jekyll and hyde is exactly how i've been describing them. I didn't realize the volatile mix of who he really is with the alcohol would be so....so.....I just don't have words.

Me too…

That's exactly how I describe it.

I can completely relate to being relieved when she died, I felt the same way about my alcoholic/drug addict father who had sociopathic traits when he died, he made my life pretty miserable and traumatizing, I loved him but disliked him for always manipulating me... he was having me participate in crimes by 8 y/o despite my opposition, besides that he was pleasant in his demeanor towards me but beat my mother in front of me without any reservations. I'm glad he showed me what not to be.

Am sorry for this😢

I believe both of my parents are, and we're. My father was the alcoholic with rage my mom use to be. My father passed away, I cried for a day then relieved that I would not have to endure his verbal abusive behavior. I was the child that had to babysit my younger brothers and my parents..

I'm glad for you now, Cheryl. You can breath freely and fully be you.

This just touched me and gave me shivers from head to toe....Unfortunately me and my sister too experienced every single thing you mentioned. I am worry you had to live with that because I know how hard it must have been. I'm still dealing with it and it feels like it never ends with the BS, day after day after day....Thanks and I wish you the best! ❤

You have to take control

Patience. I did 17 yrs with a Narc and now free for 4 yrs. He didnt drink tho. I'm still catching up on sleep and just getting my daily posture back; I was a professionally trained ballerina! Healing does not have a goal line. Hang in there, love.

32 years married to an alcoholic narcissist & didn't realize what was up until a few years ago. I always thought it was his drinking & my ineptitude that was the issue. Now things are so much clearer.

Ditto!

Living with an alcoholic narcissist is like living in a minefield.

Yes, like my FING cell phone. ALL RINGERS are off as if I see or hear REPETITIVE texts or calls I WANT TO EXPLODE. SHE CAN CALL HERSELF hundreds of times a day

The crack-shhhhh sound of a beverage can opening does it for me, especially early in the morning. Had a coworker who would open a sparkling water about 8am, caused a way bigger response in me than I realized. Mom wouldn't even finish her first cup of coffee in the morning before opening her first beer. She'd get home after work and open a beer before she even got in the house.

@@om617yota8 And when they use those sounds in commercials/ads...

@@TheWelchcat Right! That too!

I cringe when I hear a can crack open

Going through the same thing right now..thanks for sharing ur story..

Wrapped your vulnerabilities inside golden arrows for later when he would shoot you in the heart with them. I had this its truly shocking!😢

Mine is an anything addict. Mainly meth and alcohol. Took him 5 years to get sober and honestly I thought things would be better. They're not.

I’m going through this right now. Did you leave your husband ? Mine has the same characteristics

Mel Kizer .. Sister if you can .. start to plan your "escape"... run and don't look back!!! God bless you!! xx

Where you find Coke and Meth you will find Narcissists they are the favorites

Hope it’s safe to leave him 🙏🏽❤️🙏🏽

Well said, Jeannie, well said.💗. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, I discovered you years ago. You have given words and validation to feelings I was unable to define at the time bc I had been gaslit for so long that I did not even trust my own reality. The combination of my abusers covert narcissism and his alcoholism were toxic and terrifying. All of your videos and advice have given me hope, confidence, and strength to get out of the relationship. Thanks and blessings to you and Dr. Romano, too. You both are making the world a better, brighter place. ✨🙏✨

Hugs

@@KoolT ❤🥰🤗 Thank you!!

‘Alcohol reduces their ability to hold their mask on’ spot on!

@@Lambchop2701 Unfortunately I was with a Covert Narcissist for 4 years then found myself with a Malignant Narcissist.... That one I married. Had no clue, thought he was the man of my dreams. Through a lot of therapy and educating myself with Dr. Ramani's videos and Danish Bashir's as well, it's helped me by taking a break, observing and hoping not to make the same mistakes again. The alcohol I noticed as a pattern with both, as they lost their cognitive abilities, they also lost their ability to hold onto the mask and their true selves were exposed. Crazy how they operate.

My father put beer in my baby bottle when I was about 6 months old.

Tricia, it's so messed up how their behaviours become our behaviours. How their dysfunction becomes our dysfunction. Then we get blamed/judged and end up suffering even more than we had during the relationship. I'm so happy you're doing so much better. The good part about it is this isn't at your core who you are, it's who you became to mesh, to get along with, and eventually to cope. But because it's not who you are at your core, you have such a bright future ahead of you! Keep fighting for yourself. You are strong, never forget that.

Kudos, Tricia! 💜

Congratulations and good for you❤

Every addict tries to get others addicted not just narcs.

Yes I agree... I always said it was like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde... his features changed when he got drunk... and he looked demonic... even the dog was scared of him and recognised the face...

I've had the staring contest just to see and it's a cold energy I still absolutely can't relate to most people at all

Totally agree with you... Alcoholics are a nightmare, add narcissistic behaviour and it's a double whammy. Dr Ramani is fabulous, her book is brilliant.

I left over a year ago, and still struggle. It’s hard! The codependency is real. I’m happy to be away from him, but financially struggling BAD.

Drunk vs narc fir me - narcs just double own on the lie…

Definitely it's like a different person entered the room you see their truth without mask it's such a shock and then the aftermath xx

My ex husband is a covert narcisist (at least I think so). He went through phases getting drunk - very talkative at first, then he'd get amorous (I'd actually hate this part), then he'd get fall down drunk, then pass out for about an hour & then wake up & not be aware what he was doing & saying. During the first phase, he would start saying loudly anything he wanted. The amorous phase, he'd be super all over me, wanting to hold hands, kiss but if I rebutted his advances, he'd get SUPER pissed & cause a scene. He'd want me to hug him or look him in the eyes. I was completely stressed out & tbh I resented this because he didn't act this way when he was sober. The pass out drunk phase was horrifying because I knew I'd only have an hour or two before he'd wake up & he'd be doing weird stuff like eating a whole head of lettuce or trying to scoop out candle wax because he thought it was butter or putting bbq sauce in milk. A couple of times almost burning down the house by putting things in the stove or microwave. If I tried to intervene, he'd get terrifyingly angry, screaming at me or throwing things, in front of my kids. Sometimes he'd try to get out, once he went in the backyard naked. A few times he'd wake up & have cuts or bruises from when he fell down. It was so scary & traumatizing & I'd tell him about it the next day & he'd kind of shake his head & laugh like it was nothing. I asked him several times to stop drinking & he'd deflect, telling me to lose weight or whatever. The saddest thing was that when I told him I wanted a divorce, he stopped drinking, stopped tobacco, was attentive & started helping me. It only reinforced what I already knew - he COULD treat me with kindness, respect, he could help me out around the house, he could have chosen to be a part of our family instead of making me responsible for everything (and ultimately blame me for everything that went wrong)...he just CHOSE not to. I was only important to him so he could take zero responsibility for everything wrong in his life. I was his "punching bag".

@@Weazlegirl that's exactly what he does when it gets rocky he acts Mr perfect whilst I'm crumbling at this time xx

@@Weazlegirl You really still don't believe you were dealing with a demon possessed person who just happened to be drunk? Food for thought. This whole narcissistic thing is demonic spirits control of a humans soul n intellect. Drugs or alcohol just activate the demon like on steroids.

Same......

I don't know about anyone else, but I am proud of you that you are brave enough to say that. Carry on, soldier.

@@stacyjaye6350 Thanks so much 💖

So relatable.

You just described the ex father in law and his son A malignant narcissist alcoholic I thankfully divorced. The worst combination to create the living nightmare of misery they create.

This is my ex live in boyfriend. We are better since we live apart. But I do miss the lifestyle.

Khoa Ngo... They are the devil incarnate!!! They have a lot of demons on them because they do wicked deeds in the darkness... they sleep around, open gateways to demonic possession through drugs and alcohol... so glad I got out 12 years ago! They destroy your life!

He told me he wanted me to see him as the devil. He kept repeating "Hate me. Hate me!" It felt so nightmarish

It's a living psychological horror film. A good one. If it was a film it'd be enjoyable .Living it is torture

He told me he was going to dig my eyeballs out and shit in my skull. Then he proceeded to strangle me

How was your brother treated

Dear Scapegoat, good for you! Sounds like you endured a pretty rough upbringing and survivors guilt (loosing your siblings)is never fun. However, you are managing to rise above it and raise your kids in a much better way. I am proud of you, keep up the good work!! 👏🥰

@@olamideojetunde9419 He was neglected and not allowed to be himself, rather he was forced to be the son that our controlling father visioned. He and I were one year apart and I ended up in a pseudo-parenting role, which was indicative of the truly messed up family system.

@@jeanineeilers2711 Thank you for your kind words. Many days I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing as a parent, and it's quite a learning experience! I tend to think of the exact opposite of how I was raised and use that as my baseline. Feelings are real and always okay in MY house!

@@palmtreeparadise1129 Thanks for sharing and breaking the cycle!

It’s true They don’t need very much to flip the switch It is one of the ways of knowing if you are dealing with a narcissist Jekyll and Hyde And when it happens the Demons are unleashed.

I feel the same about memories with my father. He is still alive and I hate that I was born because my mind is filled with him. Might change once he goes.

This is what my children are in therapy for right now. Unfortunately, the courts don't recognize this as the kind of abuse that limits their time with him. As long as they don't see him drinking while they're at his house, they have to go get retraumatized every other weekend. All I can do is try to mitigate the damage with therapy and educate them about narcissism. Being careful not to denigrate him because then I'm violating the rules.

@@whitneyv.8211 my violent narcissistic dad died 15 years ago and I thought once he died I would finally be free of him but sadly it didn’t workout that way for me. My whole personality moulded to his drinking and narcissistic rages and it has coloured my whole view of the world and particularly men. I have had years of therapy but I am still a terrified mouse who falls apart at the sound of a raised voice. I can’t imagine ever feeling safe. I hope it’s different for you.

Omg I know that feeling so well!!

I hear ya 😢

I had the same setup. Stay strong and give yourself the love our mothers never gave us. Remember that you deserve peace not the cruel chaos of a covert narcissist alcoholic mother

I am sorry

Yes, mine isn't an alcoholic but certainly a narcissist in personal matters and unfortunately my sister got the same. I found a lot of peace in my life to limit anything personal with them as much as possible and seeking out a "social" social circle instead that "allows" a much more reciprocal conversation for everyone to resonate with. Not brutal inferiority, insecurity, deflection of everything towards the speaker as a means to leverage them for personal gain. When I spent too much time with them, I found myself depersonalized and detached - feeling less and less, this is their game, narcissists want you to be completely void of your self for their complete manipulation access. It's a real danger of the will to want to live in the most extreme and narcissist will only blame you, even continuing to blame people no longer with us as if they are still with us just for the illusion of power.

Then use it all an excuse

This is a horrible vicious circle!

DID I DO ANYTHING WRONG? i just cannot imagine I never knew much about the " Narcissist " people at all. I'm just 27! How come I didn't know this? Maybe cuz I didn't get to experience it before?! And I can not just imagine, how many people are in the same boat or have experienced this?? Woah! Demonic monsters,soul sucker,leech people! (This is what I have learned). **Something happened recently, which just again shook me to the core. I know everyone who listened to it told me I HAVE BEEN BLESSED TO GET AWAY FROM SUCH A PERSON! I believe it too now, but it still hurts me even after 6 months, why? Why am I so fucking genuine for shitty people? Recently went through something. Met someone for an arrange marriage( clicked on the 1st meeting,texted and thought there's mental compatability for sure).He was good looking and I'm a sucker for looks. He seemed so charming and impressive just like the man I wanted for a husband. 5 yrs elder then me(31 he was).He has an ego problem(he insulted in a way my dad and my bro over an audio msg when they were going around and checking about his drinking past).He told me about his casual drinking but he said he won't do it if I don't like it at all since I told him I won't move ahead if u drink.Later on, he did not lihe did not like my gift (local brand) and he told me he's into chanel/gucci brands and that he wouldn't even give this gift to his servants or that if u can't afford don't give one. Then one time he said " iwont change this is my nature,u need to focus more on what I say and understand my nature". Family was very imp to him,he said call my mom/sis beforehand as I need to come into his family and live. When I said call my bro(he had a bad footing with him in the start)he used to say don't push me and I will do on my own and then one day he got mad and said I won't do it even in the future too.I let it go. Passing some comments to me like"prove your worth first, or that respect has to be earned". I'm a freaking doctor and he was just running his own property business, he used to make me feel like I'm below him maybe? I always appreciated and said u are a self made man I like it, he wasn't educated much. Commented on my dressing( he was into light colours more, I was into bright colours, hI said ok will add light colours for him). Recently his mom said some stuff to my mom regarding they didn't like the "handcarry" in which the gift was given to her son. I for the first time took my family's side and told him over a call, that we aren't materialistic people etc. I told him to be neutral and think. Next day I see he blocked me from everywhere and texted " it's over, your last call has crossed all red lines ". I'm just so hurt heartbroken, he ended up blaming me? I had the most genuine intentions for him, was ready to do everything. Did i do something wrong by that last call? P.s its been 6 months since it happened. Just recently saw a video on insta, his wedding happened! Started to have flashbacks all over again.

@@za1600 No. You did everything right. I feel badly for the woman he married, I think that she will be in for a big surprise and it will not be a good one. Good luck on finding a suitable husband.

@@kirpdeb some spiritual lady told me right at the start, when I asked her about him(showed her his picture), she commented: he's selfish and not reliable and he's not suitable for your future! I ignored thinking, aren't we all selfish to some extent?!?. When I later on asked her when it ended, about what did she mean by reliable? She said something like, " he would drink later on or something like such people would divorce you if you something like that". (IMAGINE this is coming from someone who does not know the guy at all). I certainly did not deserve this all... I was shocked to see him get married, and I started questioning that such people can also find life partners?and they seem happy!!! What a selfish piece of shit:-( I thought maybe he'd understand that what his mom sis said was wrong, maybe he would be mature and take side for the supposedly connection that we said we had, but nope, all I got was i crossed all red lines on that last call! I wasn't even rude on that call. At first i also thought, he would treat her right ( the new wife),or his family would too, but my friends said NO he would not change, he is and was a jerk!!! Someone said ,they are not the people who would treat any one right. It's just sad that I had to go through all of this in those 3 months...

Miss E.. 100% agree with you.. we were lucky to escape with our lives!!! My ex became an alcoholic, was never around (always at the pub), found out that he got somebody pregnant... they are nasty, spiteful bullies who are hateful, abusive, mean, cruel! They blame everybody for their perceived problems - even when they had everything they could ever ask for - a beautiful home, cars, pool, great job, great friends, great family, pets, money ... it was NEVER ENOUGH!!! They are black, dark vapid souls .. devoid of any human emotion or LOVE.. the most painful realisation when it's "over" is that they played you and that your relationship be it marriage etc was ALL FAKE!!!! It's a knife in your soul and that wound takes a very long time to heal and overcome!

Omg!!! Me 2🫢I done married one divorced her ass and got into another narcissistic relationship again with the same behavior🤦🏽‍♂️💯it’s definitely not my fault I was a loving person but they done destroyed my character completely! That’s why I know that in my next relationship I’m definitely not going to ignore the red flags in the beginning especially if they have a drinking problem💯

I just took 20 minutes of verbal abuse. I calmly tried to talk and say I don’t want to argue - he said this isn’t about you… it’s twilight zone level

This is a nightmare that is destroying our family. Most of all this is a daily occurence so there is never respite. And my young adult children are beginning to shut us out, him for his behavior and me for not being able to protect them.. They already know if I try something it only gets worse😢

❤

I welled up with tears when I read this, I totally empathise with your journey. Your last words hit me hard, 'Its been painful looking back at my life with this knowledge seeing it for what it was and mourning what could have been. But hopefully my last years will be at least more peaceful.' I've been thinking the same myself in the past few yrs since educating myself about addictions, abuse, codependency and narc abuse - especially learning from here and other resources how to identify them - I wished I'd known years ago and not lost my best years. God Bless you and Good Luck😇🙏💜

Your story is also very close to my heart. It sounds very very familiar and I question myself all the time...why couldn't I have known sooner...it's almost embarrassing and shameful that I let him take the best years of my life...but there is no looking back...only forward. I hope everyone gets what they are looking for because heaven knows we deserve it!

Oh my goodness 😢 I was 19 when I got with my alcoholic narcissist he was 31 ... 18 years later I feel like I'm 60 I feel so broken I can't see the future. Lost so much 😞 endured so much put my kids through so much cause I'm stupid didn't see things as they clearly were .

Have you heard of juice feasting? It can reverse age, heal body, release trauma.. any questions you can ask me. In future i wish to help people with this :)

That was my experience, very unstable with alcohol but worse when drunk

This was the exact last argument between my ex husband and our 19 year old son. A few hairs in the bath, the narc rage, throwing things at him. Just enough!! Now divorced and he is saying “what happened “? Er, you happened.

My whole family behaves the same. My mother was the scapgeoat and me, her daughter had to be the same.

Michael W ,, Brother I am so sorry you had to endure this !!! Praying that you are safe and in a much better stage of your life! If your Dad refuses to stop being rude to your children go "no contact" .. you are all much better off without him and his destructive abuse xxx

You are not obligated to know him

Yes, my narc was a sweet happy drunk, and it was the only time he was able to feel and show love and affection. Early on he told me when he's drunk is when the truth comes out. I think I stayed as long as I did because I believed deep down he really loved me, since that's what came out when he was drunk. But when he was sober it was like those conversations had never happened, like I was dealing with two different people. He acted like I was delusional, and I felt like a fool. It was hard to know which was the true man. I finally decided he may actually truly love me, but the way he treats me "in real life" (i.e. sober) is what matters, and the two were never going to magically start matching. I couldn't stay and keep my self respect too.

I have a similar situation. When he is drunk, he is loving,making promises which will be forgotten, the moment alcohol cleans up . It's exhaustive living with two guys in one shell . One who is not open for any discussion , thinks he is perfect etc. And has not an iota of affection and care and will not hear a single advise of mine coz I preach. While that drunk one, drinks a bottle or vodka at a time in hiding and pretends a beer and remembers nothing. He played the victim card for a long time. For me ,i really want to fix this drama coz I personally believe in fixing problems and not escaping them . I guess this abuse will turn me harsh and insensitive.

Same. We often prayed that my dad would get drunk because we all would get a night off from walking on eggshells

Most narcissists are depressed and anxious, they drink to cope. My old friend is bpd, he drinks weekly much. To the point he gets food from food banks.

​@@richs5275it could turn you into a narcissist be careful

Same here!!!

You are not alone. Thank you for letting me know I’m not either.

Lacecurtainirish I totally do that as well! Some of the Narcissism videos "trigger" my life experiences and I do pause the videos to let myself remember and try to understand the trauma that I experienced... we all are a product of our environment as children and we need to understand what happened. Children are trapped until they grow old enough to get out. Even then, the wounds are carried long into adulthood... until we get into enough emotional pain... then we can start on our recovery path... it's excruciating to re-live it, however, very necessary...

I’m the same way watching the videos, I can only bear so much , then come back because otherwise I know it will bring me down so much I’ll being the broken record intrusive thoughts again

2018 for me I knew I had to leave to save my own life. Life is much better being that scapegoat that escaped. Now they must look each other, who's going to be our next scapegoat. Hard Choice when you're all the same.

Good 👍

@@user-zo6vl7ds9p I'll let you know that you have a weird agenda

@@cymbolichuman433 just retort the comments

Good for you for leaving him!

Storm Aurora I wish I'd been as smart as you and left within a week after my exnarc showed his true colors. Congratulations 🎊 👏 💐 on being so smart and strong!

Do you think they know what they are doing when drunk? If they say they are black out drunk and do not remember anything..

Same here. I have a 62 year old single younger sister living in my home who sits in her car and fills a powerade bottle with Vodka, and smiokes like a freight train. She works temp jobs. Sues the company for Workman’s Comp claims for injuries which may or may not have occurred there. Is suing McD’s for a Coffee burn to her thigh. Pays me only $50 for moving herself into my bedroom and I into another part of my house! Yes. I allowed the living situation to happen. No. I do not have to put up with the narcissistic smart mouth things she says to me. She is drawing SS benefits now so it’s time she gets her own place. God bless you in this journey, too! 🙏🤦‍♀️

But if they know where you live what can you say if they come over?

THIS!!!!! THIS EXACTLY!!!! WE ARE NOT! We are fucjing amazingg! And they can see that shit, and thats their whole shtick

WOW, i can just tell by your choice of words that your story would indeed be a legendary one. I know mine is...

@@vincentoravec261 So is mine brother !! xx

Same! Demonic and gutwrenching

Oh wow. I had forgotten that as a kid and teen, I would always "innocently" call ahead to know what I was going home to too.

I developed a 6th sense.coming home from school, I could feel from the groundfloor if my Smother had started drinking.

I’ve heard alcoholism mimics narcissism and that alcohol is number one for them in relationships. So that’s a no go, no thank you.

Double diagnosis.

yes sounds like we're all talking about the same person, maybe it's the demonic.

please tell her I know what you went through. My father first and now my spouse. He's been kicked out. by police.

Gail Wood... These people are seriously mentally ill!!!

I don't know you but I'm so proud of you for realising and leaving. Good job, on your strength of character.

MaryAnn Foegen, Dr. Ramani has all their names and numbers, doesn't she! She's awesome.

Mary Shelly, my thoughts? For all they're worth. Let 'em be sick, by themselves. I'm a compassionate person. Never would I do this to the average sinner here. It depends on what level their damage of others is and whether they've repented for it. If they haven't done this? Not my problem. I don't care who it is ....

My mum the blind narcissist. She would always use her vision impairment to get her own way.

They probably use every chance they get to manipulate and use their illness as an excuse to mistreat people just the same as a regular narcissist will use their trauma and childhood as an excuse for their behavior

​@@yime6631 sounds empathetic I'm sure

@@g_2lo I think that I was giving this person the benefit of the doubt year after year… confusion after confusion.. and in that moment , I realized she was smearing me behind my back too..

Yeah I think I’m stepping away. Idk if I should help (take him to AA or therapy) but it’s just my responsibility

Many people murdered by their abusive husband or boyfriend were sober. When they did the crime.

This happened to me, he would rage and storm off, pack up the garage with his stuff so he gave up drink. Oh wow the devaluing and cleverness after destroyed me so much more. He was covert so think his mask blew off with drink at least I knew what he was thinking and we could talk about it after. He would just nod and agree though until discard. But with mo booze he became so passive aggressive and much more cruel xx

I so know that story! Currently living it. He isnt quite as mean, but still acts with uncontrolled anger at times. And now there is a lot of future faking along with it. Trying to decide when to move on as I took my vows seriously so it is an internal struggle with my own beliefs on top

@@pegasus5287 I know this too... my dad taught me loyalty to family so I stayed for nearly 3 years... we were engaged I cancelled wedding though as knew something wasnt right. The longer I stayed the worse it got. Be careful and remember your health and happiness and good luck with whatever you decide xx

Dry drunk nothing changes

Yes. I tried to explain to one drinking is not going to solve anything. He was threatened. Words arrived to blame me. He was entitled to drinking. You know what? No one is going to ask from me anymore money for food when they drink once a week for 30 euros if not more. You are enabling them, so I stopped with it. One borderline said he doesn't get anything from drinking. I just said it's because you are used to it. They don't learn and again I must end with him.

Yes. I did not know for sure if my Narc Mom was an alcoholic, or not because she is actually nicer when she's drinking. It was so confusing. Hope you are ok.

YES, I was looking for a comment like this and when I couldn't find any I began to question whether my narc was really a narc! I experienced EVERYTHING you described. Very early on while he was drunk and being sweet to me, he told me when he's drunk is when the truth comes out. Like that's when his walls were down and he was able to actually feel and show love and affection. And yes, when he was sober it was like those conversations never happened, like I was dealing with two different people. He'd act like I was delusional, and I felt like a fool. I think I stayed as long as I did because I believed deep down he truly loved me, since that's what came out when he was drunk. And maybe he truly did, but it came to a point where I couldn't stay and still keep my self respect too. Btw, at one point he decided to quit drinking after a DUI and some health problems, and during those months he became that obnoxious sober person who judges everyone else's drinking and deems everybody to be alcoholics. Between that attitude and just generally being cold and miserable, I almost couldn't stand him being sober constantly, without any breaks of drunken happy guy sweetness to balance it out. I was so glad when he eventually went back to drinking, lol.

I was also searching in the comments for this! My narc was so much better drunk!! Soooo loving and touchy! I vividly recall one night he told me “I will never divorce you” who says that!!!😅 I acted weird around him when he was drunk because I was in disbelief! Which version is true?! To me I think his true self is the drunken one, he felt the love, but he self sabotages and probably thinks he isn’t deserving of love.. anyways, we are divorced now.

Yes!!!!!! Mine blames his car accident for how he acts! I didn’t understand this and thought I was crazy for years. Mine is a charming/sweet funny guy when drunk but when sober…. Forget it.

@@TieDyeVikki Sounds like my ex 🧐

Do you think they pretend not to remember anything they have done when drunk?.. as i am told this but find it very hard to believe. I also had said i do not like people who drink a lot and it scares my so it seems he did it to upset me and pretty much blames me saying as if this between us got to stressful and led him to have a nervous breakdown where he became alcoholic for months and he said he did not remember anything..