The Fifth Sorceress - RANT REVIEW 

It not good. Edit: I legit cut out 7 additional minutes of criticism because it was just too much negativity. I didn't want to make people sit through over 20 minutes of nothing positive to say. There are others out there who have reviewed this and pointed out the many more insanities to this story. I honestly thought this was some kind of absurd parody at points. Turns out it is supposed to be taken 100% seriously. I just can't.

This book gives me hope that I’ll be published some day.

Spoilers if anyone cares. My favorite part is that the villain's plan is to kill everyone on the planet except the 5 sorceresses and Tristan, then repopulate the planet with their inbred magically gifted babies. That's not a joke, that's real.

Flavorless sand? As opposed to flavoured sand? Evil Villian: "Now Mr. Bond you will die in my ingenious sand trap!" Bond: "Mmmm strawberry."

"Horses are not just big dogs" Well obviously not, it's that dogs are just small horses, duh

Daniel: He's a prince who doesn't want to do his duties. Me: Okay that's reasonable teens and kids are usually rebellious- Daniel: He's 30. Me: 👁👄👁

Daniel: "Worse than the Cursed Child..." Me: "Impressive." Daniel: "And Wizard's First Rule." Me: "Most impressive.

You know what would be really groundbreaking? Killing people by throwing knives and having your horse bring the knives back

"Tristan invents throwing knives" I sense a disturbance... Like so many rogues cried out in anger... and then were silenced

I was actually deceived into reading this years ago by someone who convinced me that it was Fifth Element fanfiction. I no longer speak to that person.

Daniel: “this is worst than Wizard’s First Rule” Me: *Eyes widening* “whoa I’ve gotta watch this”

Me: I kinda feel bad for the author.he must feel terrible watching this review Daniel: sexual assault is described as not legitimate because someone didnt climax ... the sister becomes evil and therefore bisexual Me: nevermind

As bisexual woman, can confirm that we are all power-hungry monsters.

Honestly the only thing that sounds good is the gnomes. Gnomes are underused.

i want "she's bisexual now oh no" to be turned into a meme

This review has inspired me to go ahead and write my own fantasy novel: It's called Just Gnomes, and it's and multi-book fantasy epic... about gnomes, and how they're the only fantasy race that can do anything, but never get any respect.

Its like the author saw a terrible writing advice episode and took it seriously

Having watched 16 minutes of you talk about this book I'm still a little unsure where you stand, so you're saying this book is ok?

I have this repeating nightmare, that I write a book and Daniel makes a review about it like this one

So let me get this straight, this book is both: A. Full of serious and dark topics such as violence and sexual assault. And yet..... B. Contains Gnomes.

Daniel, I am really getting tired of your reviews where you sit on the fence. Can you please make it more clear whether you liked this book or not?!

Id love to see the outtakes of this one. Pure rage

On the kindle page description of this book, it says at the bottom: "Not since Terry Goodkind unsheathed the Sword of Truth has such a tale of heroism and magic so captured the imagination." HA!!!

"Why Gnomes?" Because they are G'not Gnelves, and G'not Gnoblins. They are Gnomes and you've been gnomed!

Gnomes kidnapping the "princess" worked in Gravity Falls.

I was several minutes into this video before I realized that I have actually read this book. It was so bad I must have blocked it from my memory, but you have unleashed that sealed knowledge and now I have to think about it again, so thanks for that.

Don't despair, guys. If this guy can get published, then there's hope for *everyone.*

"Flavourless sand." Sand is usually flavoured here in Britain. My favourite is curry-flavoured, although my parents prefer syrup-flavoured and my friends all like fish-and-chips flavoured sand.

“If he was going to inherit my kingdom, I would kill him.” -reminds me of Crusader Kings

I'm watching Daniel having a breakdown on RU-vid due to how bad the book is...and I'm perfectly fine with that

If only you spent more time watching Brandon’s writing classes. He talks about the big wave of fantasy that flopped after the 90’s, and he used The Fifth Sorceress as an example of how bad 😂

From Amazon: "Not since Terry Goodkind unsheathed the Sword of Truth has there been such an epic tale of heroism and magic that so captures the imagination as this monumental new work by a master storyteller" Think that tells me all I need to know there...

I read an interview with the author, where he said that he got the inspiration to write it from reading "Wizard's First Rule" and thought "This explains *so* much." According to a sporking I read, the reason they didn't execute the sorceresses is because they were so weak it would be tantamount to murder to kill them. Murder is defined by how weak the victim is, apparently.

Daniel: "The main character plays fetch with a horse." Friend: "(Math lady meme)"

8:10 as a bisexual woman I can confirm that I am in fact an evil sorceress. I cackle whenever I enter a room and I place hexes on sexist protagonists.

Interesting fact: Tolkien's Elves were initially calles Gnomes, but he later changed the name due to the association with garden gnomes. Probably nothing to do with this hair-raising horror of a story, but an interesting fact nonetheless.

Fun Fact: In the earlier days of the creation of Tolkien’s Legendarium, elves were referred to as gnomes (the Ñoldor elves, to be specific). Just imagine the world we would live in if he hadn’t made this change...

The author is a used car salesman. I've met plenty of honest used car salesmen, but I found it rather ironic that the guy who hoodwinked the publishing industry turned out to be a used car salesman.

I know you bleeped out your phone call to avoid giving away identifying information but on first watch it looked like you thanked your horse-raising friend and then cussed them out. I nearly spit up my drink

His wife had recently read a Terry Goodkind book while on vacation, and she suggested that Rob read it. Having never been a reader of fantasy, he was somewhat reluctant, but started reading. He was immediately hooked. His wife then dared him to take a crack at a lifelong dream of his: writing a novel. So he took the plunge, sat down at his laptop computer and started writing a fantasy novel which was to become The Fifth Sorceress (Del Rey). This explains everything.

"Lusty Blonde Booktuber Discovers Goodkind's Spiritual Bastard Book Child- And He's NOT Happy"

I feel guilty for how much I like angry Daniel.

Tristan: "But it's a lucky thing I had my pieces." Random bystander: "Your pieces?" Tristan: "My knives! Anyway, I started throwing. Thwap! Thwap!" Random bystander: "Genius."

4:00 "I'm ok with exposition dumps. I'm a Robert Jordan fan" that made me laugh out loud.

I feel like this book is about to boost up in sales just because people will want to know firsthand how awful it is 🤣🤣🤣

I can't lie, seeing a book get such a bad review makes me want to read it out of sheer curiosity

"The princess getting gnomed" is the best possible clickbait for this book

The Editor: “We purposely trained him wrong, as a joke.”

RELEASE THE ANGRY VERSION OF THIS VIDEO! .....For the fans

You are not a jerk, I would rather go to a live reading by Terry Goodkind than turn another page of that novel.

"But Why Gnomes?" needs to be a T-shirt.

Yes... I did come straight here to rewatch this video after watching your "worst of 2020".... don't judge me I need the ranting hahaha

Me watching the opening moments of this video: Daniel are you ok? I am sensing vast existential dread and utter despair.

Sword of truth : Ah yes a worthy opponent our battle will be legendary

Years ago I met the agent who got this book published, and he explained how excited he was to find another epic fantasy that he knew would sell. Fantasy is rife with aspiring authors who NEVER finish a novel and he was tired of hearing from aspiring writers with incomplete works. I tried reading this book but never finished it. It made me realize that writing doesn't have to be good; it only has to sell. Literally the agent wanted a business transaction, and that's what he got. It opened my eyes to how publishing works.

I want MORE rant reviews by Daniel. He’s too good at talking about bad stuff!

Hearing reviews like this give me hope that my book about gun fighting Teiflings and Lichs isn't such a bad idea after all. At least that's never been done before

Boy I've been waiting for this after those Insta rants

Info dump? Check. Story? ... Sexism, either way? Check. Bland delivery? Check. Story? ... Plot? ... Exposition? Check. World building? Um... Plot? ... Actual purpose of book? ... Sexist rant? Story? ... Not going to waste my time or money.

I sometimes feel bad about my writing but then I hear stuff like this and it gives me hope I could finish and release something that isn't crap like this.

His publisher actually dropped him two years ago, and he hasn't found once since!

Couldn't even make it through the free sample on kindle. Forget the author for a second, how did a literary agent read this and say "Yep, I'll represent this" and then a publisher say "Yep, good to go. Let's do this." Boggles the mind with how many other far more talented authors linger in the slush piles for years and this drek gets released.

"If a woman likes sex shes just the worst" Daniel Greene - 2020

You have wonderful timing. Yesterday, I added several books to the donate pile including a few that I've yet to read. The Fifth Sorceress is one of those unread books I decided to donate. Thanks to your timely review, I now feel justified in that decision. Thank you.

How bad is it that i was looking forward to a negative review? 😂

“If you are not first and foremost a sister, wife, mother, or daughter, you’re a bad person.” - Daniel Greene 2020

I watched this entire video, and the thing I'm honestly most concerned about is the possibility that you might like raisins in your oatmeal. Help is available.

Welcome to 80% of published books. You ask how this got published. Well, this is the norm. As you get better at writing and story structure and prose construction, you'll start seeing this more and more. As you stray from the most famous and universally praised, you'll see this more and more. I won't go as far as Theodore Sturgeon and say 90% of everything is crap, but I will commit to a full 80% in honor of the 80/20 rule.

I am so sorry you had to read that ... but this was extremely entertaining so I'm not 100% sorry. Sorry.

Beginning of video: Ok, I get it. Tristan is the fifth sorceress, but was raised as a man to make it harder for the villains to find her. End of video: Oh, the twist is there is no twist.

Some friends of mine and I did a group reading of one of the later books in the series, Scrolls of the Ancients, without any prior context and I can assure you that the author learned absolutely nothing between the first book and that one. I don't even have to read The Fifth Sorceress to understand exactly how it went because that's exactly what Scrolls was too. It's so bad. I gotta know, was the author as obsessed with using the word "azure" to describe magic in this one? Because my god we were sick of that word by the time we finished. We had to call it off as part of the drinking game lest we get alcohol poisoning.

As a bisexual woman, I would like to confirm that corrupting the innocent is practically a first-date cliche. Also you have beautiful eyes holy shit.

Daniel: “If he was gonna inherit the kingdom I worked for ..” Me: “Then I would leave him.” Daniel: “I would kill him.” Me: “Oh! 😮 That bad huh. 😅😄.”

Daniel: roasts the fifth sorceress Terry Goodkind: am I okay to you?

Honestly, imagining a horse play fetch is pretty freaking hilarious

I really really want the uncut unedited version of this rant

Even our boy Rand had only one "most beautiful woman I've ever seen", and she wasn't even one of the 3 he was in love with! Haha

Um, the head down and red in the back should be enough of a review. Also, can you call more of your friends during your videos?

“Why do lazy authors constantly use sexual assault” Well, I guess assault only requires one party to drive the story forward :^) Good lord

Idk if you've seen, Daniel, but your review here is mentioned on The Fifth Sorceress's wikipedia page. That's gotta be an achievement for how bad this book is

Nothing like a giant book rant with my morning coffee to start my day

“Stakes are still a thing, we promise!” I burst out laughing

3:31 *"oops. I made it weird"* That made me laugh way too much🤣

As a newbie indie author, it blows my mind to come across books like this that get picked up and traditionally published. It's a bit more common than people realize too, I think.

Next time I write, Daniels voice is going to be in the back of my head saying "PUT A LITTLE LEMON ZEST!"

I'd never even heard of this book. While I do enjoy watching a good, angry rant every now and then (and this was certainly a good rant), I must admit that the main draw of this video was seeing that flower print shirt in the thumb nail. Bonus points for the rainbow watchband.

I always say that Wizards first rule convinced me to start writing because it showed me you don’t have to write a novel well to be published. Looks like this novel proves that once again.

For the record, you're supposed to pronounce the 'c' in "adjectives."

Didn't anyone warn you? The gnomes warned me!

Worse than Wizard's First Rule? That's an achievement right there.

Five star review on Goodreads: “The beginning of this book was a little slow for me and somewhat hard to get into but that only lasted the first fifty pages or so and then I was thoroughly hooked. One of the reviews said that it was reminiscent of the Song of Ice and Fire and I would agree that there were times I thought of that. Both writers have a somewhat larger than normal propensity for killing off some characters beyond what you would typically experience in many fantasy books. In some ways I was also reminded of the Wheel of Time though. Tristan and Rand could be said to be similar characters at this point in time. Although, I think that the similarity will probably end there as the series goes on and Tristan becomes more of a fully developed character. All in all this is a pretty amazing read and Newcomb gets points for some serious originality at times. The Minions of Day and Night for example. I would love to see more of them. The ending had so many last minute revelations and twists and turns that I know for a fact sooner or later I'll be going on to Book Two in this series. Only a matter of time before I find it cheap somewhere either in a used book store or on my Nook.”

Your channel is fantastic. Love the vids. I've been inspired to read so many different fantasy and sci fi tales. Found your channel after reading Wheel of Time. Would never have found Mistborn and The Stormlight Archive elsewise! Now I can't wait to check out the Dresden Files. Keep on doing your thing man, you are great at it.

I’m pretty sure this is the book I quit reading after the word “longish” was used thrice in a page and a half.

At least you've got the next Dresden book coming up as a palette cleanser

At first I was like “aw, poor author :( I bet he’s sad that everyone hates his book. I bet he’s just a new author still learning the craft.” And then after Daniel talked about sexism, homophobia, and gross rape stuff I was like “nvm🙂”

I love how you actually call your knowledgeable horse friend on camera 😂😂😂😂😂 her awkward silence killed me then when you asked about the stick I actually had to pause and walk away for a second

You were too nice in this one. I only finished it to see how on Earth a publisher could possibly green light this book. I never figured it out. It reads like a high school juniors creative writing 101 short story, except it was almost 700 excruciating pages.

8:47 try reading some Reki Kawahara. He puts that in his GOOD GUYS. His main character, Kirito, is such an unlikable, over powered brat, but somehow Kawahara is incapable of writing a female “character” (in heavy air quotes) that does not want to f*ck Kirito. I know this kind of out pf place but it’s SAO books are so bad.

I almost thought you called him 'Robert Nukem'.

"Why gnomes?" At a guess because the author once saw a lawn-gnome and mistook it for one of these nasty buggers from ACTUAL folklore: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redcap