Meeting like minded people is great but I believe at the same time that meeting different minds is an equally if not more fulfilling experience. The world opens up more that way and it can be so interesting. But I dont believe many people these days are open to that
whenever I fall into bedrotting, it actually makes me so much more depressed and then I also feel guilty and ashamed bc I wasted so much of my day doing nothing on my phone😭 would definitely not recommend at all
You should check out CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). It explains why that happens. It also was the only thing that cured me from chronic depression (6 years of wasted life 😩)
During COVID I spent a looooooong time bedrotting, because my social life was focused around events, concerts, and nightlife. My social life helped me maintain my mental wellness. The result was a psychotic breakdown and multiple months in a locked psychiatric institution. Never again...
i will literally sob after i bed rot because i realized i haven’t showered, didn’t go to class, didn’t talk to anyone, and made my mental health worse at my own hand. The amount of guilt bed rotting gives me is insane and idk how these people glorify bed rotting like it’s some fun comfy thing like yes taking naps are fun and chilling in ur bed is relaxing but that’s not bed rotting
I have social anxiety but I still love getting out and having fun. Sitting in the house and bed rotting will drive you crazy. It sent me into bad depression once , never again.
I sound like a boomer but it's all that damn phone😂 we are so overstimulated with content nowadays that we don't have enough energy to live real life. Social media detox is a key
A woman was arguing with me on TikTok that it’s totally normal and valid for her to not learn her coworkers names because she’s “not that invested” in their lives. Her excuse is that she’s just there to work and doesn’t want to extend any energy to people she doesn’t care about. Like I’m sorry but it’s common human decency to learn the names of the people you spend 5 days a week with and no one’s going to convince me otherwise. The excuses people will come up with to excuse their overall rude, off-putting, and oftentimes flat out mean behaviour towards those they don’t consider immediate close friends/family is astounding.
You don't have to be invested in other people's lives if you don't want to but that doesn't mean you have to be rude and inconsiderate of the people around you. I'm very introverted myself, but I know how to be civil and decent towards other people. Because it's not about me. I do like to mind my own business and I do love my solitude (I'm also kinda shy and have social anxiety) but I have never thought about ever going out of my way to be rude to anybody. I was blessed to have been taught basic manners, as well as, self-advocacy and boundaries. As an adult, I have noticed the decline in basic common decency in public spaces and to other people.
@@HannahJohnson13 I used to have pretty bad social anxiety when I was younger so I can totally empathize with feeling shy and enjoying solitude. I think it just saddens me to hear so many people use the excuse of work/capitalism as a reason to be dismissive of other people. I’ve worked retail, service, and now healthcare. My coworkers are the people who understand our shared highs and lows the best and the ones I can joke about work with. We aren’t all best friends outside of work, but we can still enjoy each other’s company while we’re stuck there together. I’ll never understand the new trend of the retail employees saying “it’s not my job to listen to your small talk” in reference to customers. Like, are we really this isolated and asocial as a society that listening to each other speak is seen as such a chore??? This isn’t a rant directed at you, just my thoughts I’ve been having over this topic for some time 😭
@@alskdkfjghd oh I completely agree with you. I’m honestly a lot better than I used to be years ago when it comes to my social anxiety. I’ve worked in customer service and management for the past decade and have noticed a definite shift in social mannerisms within the workplace, as well as, general public areas. There’s definitely a different breed of narcissistic behavior that seems to have been cultivated within the younger generations. I’ve talked about it amongst other coworkers and friends around me. I’ve noticed that younger people aren’t being taught the basic and professional work etiquette either.
@@kayIeighb mind full resting. restorative yoga. getting some of your chores done. go outside for a 20 minute walk. ANYTHING but sitting on your phone in a dark room.
27 yr old here- i go clubbing 100% sober. did it take a few tries before i felt fully comfortable? absolutely. do i still feel awkward sometimes? yup. but i love music and bass and im not gonna miss out on that. most people are so self conscious they aren’t paying attention to you anyways
Same! I mean, I still occasionally drink or get fucked up, but I don't need substances to enjoy dancing, & liquor is expensive 😮💨 My partner does, though. They need external chemicals in order to enjoy pretty much anything.
It's BECAUSE Gen Z has learned to socialize THROUGH THEIR PHONE, instead of IRL interactions. This is further compounded by the loss of "third-spaces" such as bars, cafes, gyms, libraries or pottery and cooking classes through LIVING-COST-RELATED inaccessibility. The idea of "bed-rotting" is a symptom of how late-stage capitalism has fragmented the realm of community building. Our species has EVOLVED and THRIVED on cultivating communities, so taking this away LITERALLY FRIES OUR BRAINS. For anyone trying their best to get through our current dystopia - try volunteering in a local charity, develop a fun project, or go on a picnic and workout with friends. JUST TRY SOMETHING to leave the house. It doesn't have to be expensive and "aesthetic" for your social media accounts. Just something FOR YOURSELF and YOUR FRIENDS to bond over.
"✨bedrotting✨ AKA Laying in bed for days not showering, not brushing your teeth, not changing even your underwear because the depression has got your mind and body in its grip is an isolating and miserable thing
Yes. It is gross. Nothing cute or that should be romanticized. I didnt brush my hair and teeth in weeks. I didnt take out my dog and there was dog poop on my floor that was turning gray because it was there so long.
Can yall explain to me what is going through the mind of one who is experiencing and enduring this? I’ve never ever understood depression but I always wanted to.
@@samanthaorologio6866so I've experienced bed rotting (still struggling with it but I'm making some really big improvements) and I've got Bipolar 1 Disorder, mostly depressive episodes. When you're going through "bed rotting" there honestly isn't much going through your mind. That's exactly the problem. You have no desire to get up. If someone said you could get whatever physical item you wanted (a brand new car or whatever) if you get up and go for a walk for 20 minutes, you wouldn't get up. Because nothing matters. I won't go into too much detail but basically there are neurotransmitters (chemicals in the brain) that cause a person or animal to want to do something, because they'll feel satisfied or happy after they've done it. When a person is severely depressed, they literally do not have any demonstrable evidence of those neurotransmitters being released the way they should be. So you don't feel good when you get out of bed. You feel nothing whether you're in bed or at a coffee shop with a friend. That's a common misunderstanding of severe depression. It's not sadness. It's feeling NOTHING. Why would you try to do anything at all if you feel the same way no matter what? That's why depressed people can fall into bed rotting. If your brain sees no reason to get out of bed, if you don't feel "better" when you're not in bed, then you're not going to try because it's just a waste of energy.
@@samanthaorologio6866 have u ever had a really long day & maybe you need to do the dishes or something, but you don't, because you're just too tired to care? it feels like that but constantly. when I was at my worst (during covid lol) there were times when I wouldn't shower for a week. i obviously still felt gross & WANTED to shower, but I just didn't have the energy to do anything about it. every little chore felt like an insurmountable task.
I'm actually so glad other people agree with the coworker conversation. I used to describe myself as having social anxiety but when I worked at my last retail job I pushed myself to socialize and ask people their names. It was uncomfortable at first but it eventually flowed. I became closer with my coworkers , they would bring my gifts; it was the sweetest thing. I started recognizing customers and having really wholesome conversations. You never know what you can get out of interaction, you never know who can cheer you up.
I had a similar experience when I worked my first retail job at 20. I had literally NO social skills due to being homeschooled and not having any formative social experiences as a teenager which led me to being painfully shy and barely able to talk to other people. I had to learn how to have basic conversations and interactions with customers to ensure they had a positive experience at our store and I learned so much about human interaction from that job (even though the company totally took advantage of my work ethic and inexperience which really sucked). Everyone complains about working retails and I’ve definitely had more awful interactions with entitled or just straight up rude customers than I can count, but I’ve also made some really awesome connections with people that I wouldn’t have otherwise in my day to day life, and I think that says something really beautiful about the human experience.
@@feelinjustpeachyy Yesss!! We grew up in similar ways. Having to push yourself to speak to someone and the feeling of accomplishment when the interaction is met with kindness 😅 The rude customers definitely tainted the experience a bit but the few customers or coworkers that took the time to give a smile or acknowledge your existence makes is worth the while 🤗 I definitely agree!
I deleted Instagram and short form content apps a year ago and now when i use my phone excessively for youtube or something like that, I notice how overstimulating content is. Looking at your phone does not count as rest, its just a quick unsatisfying way to get dopamine, like eating sugar
@@darkwebgirlyou're being purposely obtuse. Clearly they're referring to mental rest. No one forgot that physical disabilities exist. You're just trying to be holier than thou to make yourself feel better. Grow up!
We talk a lot about diet culture coming back from Tumblr in a slightly different font. There was a depressed side of Tumblr too, and it seems like it’s back in the same way. One of the issues with Depression Tumblr was people encouraging each other and glamorizing sitting in their own depression (with Lana Del Rey in the background so it was aesthetic depression). We as people are stuck in the same issues, but sometimes certain negative things spike in popularity for whatever reason
One form of this I see all the time is people joking about how they wish their plans with friends get canceled or how they're such an introvert that they don't wanna talk to anyone, etc. And, I've never fully understood it even as someone who's fairly introverted and socially awkward?? Personally this mindset is a giant flashing neon sign that my mental health is about to tank. Just cause I'm introverted doesn't mean I don't want - need, even - friendship and love
@user74027nh yeah exactly. I spend so much time alone that I always enjoy outings when they come around, even tho it can be stressful it's worth it 99% of the time
this is exactly why i deleted tiktok, it was reminding me wayyyy too much of 2010s tumblr. i was already in the trenches once i did *not* need to be there again. funnily enough tumblr is actually rather chill now.
The “go out and meet people” is also heavily based on culture. Where I’m from, it’s generally taboo to approach random people to strike up a conversation. So yes, you can go sit in a park and read a book. But no one will approach you. Unless they’re drunk.
"Go out and meet people" doesn't mean just talk to random people you see especially if they're reading a book because actual real life people will ALSO think you're fucking weird. It means join clubs (whether they're CLUB clubs or just social clubs based on interests like sports clubs or art clubs or book clubs), join yoga classes or art classes or something like that, join a D&D group or go to anime conventions, even. this video really should've talked about appropriate places to socialize so that people in this generation actually know how and where to meet people instead of the non-helpful "just go outside" ridiculousness. I'm also being quite serious when I say that if she actually thinks it's cool to just go up to random people reading books, she needs to sharpen those social skills at least a little bit
@@anonymous-cq7wj eh, you say that but I’ve met charismatic sun shiny people that are capable of talking to strangers. I always walk away thinking there were 10 more of them.
@@SamanthaManning-xy8fu To be blunt, I don't give a foggy fuck how charismatic or sun shiny the person is. I'd be really annoyed if *anyone* tried to come up and talk to me randomly while I'm reading a book at the park or whatever public place and trying to chill and enjoy some good alone time with nature. (I think I replied earlier with a similar comment but idk what happened to that reply bc it's not visible to me)
totally agree. it’s also based on literal safety. because where i live, it’s hardly safe to go out alone (especially as a woman) regardless of time of day :/
One thing I appreciate about the term “bedrot” is that I feel like it accurately portrays the behavior. “Rot” has a negative connotation to it. It’s the opposite of growing and thriving; it’s stagnation and decay. When we sit in bed for a prolonged period doing nothing, we effectively ARE just there rotting away instead of building our lives. And I definitely think it’s important to distinguish between bedrot and rest. Rest is the necessary recovery period your body needs after exertion; bedrot is when that rest extends outside the bounds of a typical recovery period, such as if there was no exertion period before it. We shouldn’t mistake simply staying in bed “doing nothing” as bed rot, as there are circumstances when people actually DO need to stay in bed for their own wellbeing, such as when they’re sick or if they have a disability that immobilizes them in that way. But like, just not feeling like getting out of bed for days on end should be a red flag. Whether it be from mental illness such as depression or just choice laziness, it’s getting into unhealthy behavior territory
The cashier question is a bit foreign to me as a Norwegian guy, since our culture is very reserved. Like striking up a conversation with a cashier could be seen as rude here because its considered invasive. Its common practice to smile and say hi though. A typical cashier interaction here would be something like "Hi!" "Hi!" *scans items* "Bag?" "Yes please/ no thank you"(insert number)$" "okay" *swipe card* "receipt?" "Yes/no"
But then again we have also historically struggled with community. Our culture is built on people living in small cottages far apart from each other in the cold weather. Its not uncommon for friends to stay the night just because it sucks to get home the later/colder it is.
That why I think I live in the wrong culture. I keep hearing things like this about Sweden and Norway and I’m just filled with such longing. You guys are so noninvasive and it’s beautiful. You’re so calm and reserved. I wish I was born there.
i would love to live there as a anxious person. my culture is very open and everyone is quite friendly, and i have to make small talk with everyone, even with a random lady on a bus stop.
Yeah I'm from new york, it's fine to start a conversation if it's not busy, but you usually assume it's busy, so you get what you need and let the person go. You always say at least please or thank you, though, even if it's really busy, and greet the person.
The cashier example is bizarre. Yes building community and being kind to people is *important!* But the way to do that is not in convenience stores with cashiers. They're not there to *build community,* they're there to make sure you pay for your shit before you leave. The kindest thing you can do for them is to make their job as easy and efficient as possible. What some people don't get is that not every place or situation is an *appropriate place or situation for socializing and 'community building.'*
People very commonly misuse the word "antisocial". Anti- means against, so antisocial means they are against society and people. "Asocial" is a much more appropriate term as the prefix "a-" means not; the word "asoical" meaning "not social".
@@Olia-ch-ka yeah, but just making sure people understand the actual meanings of both words so the difference can be more clearly defined. She did a great job in the video, I was just clarifying that.
@@Olia-ch-kashe didn't actually clarify it. She said "it's different." But in actuality she's just using the incorrect term. I suppose on some level it's so common that it's going to stick. But her disclaimer wasn't actually a clarification because she didn't explain the other, more appropriate, term.
Has anyone noticed the TikTok’s of people saying you asked me to go out clubbing but this is my wardrobe, and they just have like cardigans and whimsical dresses kind of thing. The funny thing is people actually do wear those in clubs. They’re called hipsters and they still are around. I just watch these TikToks and I shake my head.
YES and also how tf do people think the "eclectic grandpa" aesthetic happened naturally? They really think those grandpas just sat at home reading books. NO! Even grandpa went to a few jazz or classic rock shows !!!
i did a whole 60s/70s cosplay before i went out to a bottomless brunch not too long ago. i know i looked ridiculous & stuck out but i met so many new people that day! definitely a conversation starter & every one was so sweet. it sounds so cliche but i swear anyone can get away with wearing anything as long as they are confident while wearing it.
@@kawaiilone for the loudness, i recommend just investing in good ear plugs. even if you dont want to go clubbing, for things like concerts or anywhere with lots of noise its good to have on you so you can protect your ears and have the world be a little more quiet and manageable (still want to hear for cars and stuff like that)
I suffer from BPD, and I am very prone to staying in and rotting in bed with my phone for up to 9-13 hours a day. It absolutely drags my mental health even more to the ground. Trying to do more during the day, no matter how little it is - I know it’s been said a lot - no matter how difficult it is, it really pays off.
I have bpd too and “omg sanrio girls are so cute uwu insane” it PISSES ME OFF. I have a mental health condition which im trying to get better and people are taking a few of my symptoms and glorifying it, no its not funny that I can’t get out of bed I will be in bed crying because I want to do something but I cant get up.
I have Bpd as well, what a nightmare cuz on one hand being alone at all is an excruciating torment, but having and Maintaining relationships is it's own form of hell too. Save up for DBT though, if you haven't been through that treatment yet, it saved my life.
The deep issue with getting out of depression is that most of the time the first steps feel more awful than the actual social withdrawal+bed rotting. What made it so hard to make it better personally is that the first couple of times actually trying hard to get outside and actually do something you just feel even more alone/miserable. You realize that you lost most of your friends and socials skills and now you’re just awkward for no reason. I multiple times tried to go to college, see a movie or walk around ending up crying in the middle of it, having a hard time to breathe and needing to rock myself back and forth to self soothe which deepened my sense of inadequacy. Send lot of love to all my fellow depressed people 🤍
I feel like some of these problems (that ppl make video essays about) are literally just social media/internet stuff. Like if you get off the internet and just go outside you’ll see that no one or barely anyone is doing any of this lool
I wanted to comment something similar to this!!! I don’t mean to sound dismissive and say this isn’t a real issue but if i ask my sister, cousins and niece about this bed rotting trend on TikTok (we’re all in the same age group btw) they all won’t know what it is, and if I extend that question out to more of my friends their answers will vary based off how much they are on the internet. Maybe a few of them will no but definitely not all, and then someone else will then generalize a whole generation and say “gen z is doomed” or whatever, I saw a video essay on something called “quiet quitting” which is apparently a trend Gen z (which I’m a part of) was doing but i never heard of such a thing and when I was bringing it up to some of friends and family they looked at me either confused or funny. And back to your initial point literally if people just disconnect from the internet for a day and reconnect with the real world they’ll see these issues probably don’t exist
True. The only thing I can say I have definitely been guilty of is lying in bed in my free time. I lived in a very toxic household and worked really hard all the time and would always be exhausted, and the time spent at home would just be me lying in bed being depressed for long periods. My surroundings were a mess. Ironically, when I was out of that environment, I was much cleaner, more active, and happier. Sometimes, it's your environment and not your natural inclination that causes you to behave a certain way.
@@mrshaggy-z4n yes!! a lot of these problems are actually just a symptoms of a much greater issue. I namely think it’s capitalism but it’s a whole host of things really
Honestly, if people could afford to sit at home a lot more people would but the fact that they have to get up and go to work that’s why you hear a lot more people say all I do is go to work and go home that in itself is antisocial
I'm 31, went to college in the early 2010s during the party/club era, been through a lot of different phases in my life from awkward stay-at-home gamer to partier to super health focused to super work focused to bed-rotty depressed to everything in between. I think my advice to anyone who is younger is that you will change a lot in your 20s and the way you feel comfortable changes. Be happy with yourself, but don't let yourself fall into complacency. Get help if you need it, be social with family and friends. Do uncomfortable things, it's okay if while you're doing it the entire time you think "I just want to go home." I can't tell you how many times I did not want to go out, but forced myself to and had a very unexpected good time and met some new friends. (The opposite is also true where I didn't want to go out and it ended up being a bad time anyway) but life is worth that risk. I find that I am the most content with life when I have an overall balance in work, social aspects, health, hobbies and rest. If I lean into any one of these too hard for too long I feel the depression and discontent seeping back into me. It's a learning process and I'm still learning, hopefully will still be figuring things out for the rest of my life! I guess all this to say don't fall into the trap of self sabotage based on internet trends, but understand that we're human and things change and we grow and it's okay if you do end up falling into bed-rot or doom scrolling or what have you from time to time.
I think part of community is accepting imperfection.. judging others for small statements and actions made it harder to accept myself when I did those things and vice versa. please give everyone a lot of grace, including yourself. also! when you join a community with the intention to help and contribute, it's a lot easier to feel accepted and forget that self consciousness
I am not trying to do what about me ism because I agree with you 99%. However I think a lot of loneliness comes from people spread out in USA where most of the USA is just not welcoming or friendly to minorities. If you’re gay , for example , everywhere I’ve ever lived people would intentionally exclude and other you on purpose. I think sometimes some people get hung up on stupid nitpicky opinions, but I think a good bit of the time some people are in communities who hate who they are fundamentally and can’t afford to relocate to a new place.
You're so right, it's like there's absolutely no grace anymore. It's not some sort of radical praxis to block anyone who's ever misunderstood a text, and I imagine it makes you jumpy. Being forgiving is literally the only way to escape crushing shame.
Tbh I feel like club culture has been dead due to one main reason and that is the increase of incidents where people get drugged/roofied. There’s been so many scary stories of ppl regardless of their gender getting roofied and in some scarier cases women end up getting involved in sex trafficking rings. Personally that’s why I’ve never gone clubbing because as an Indian woman ik if something happened to me everyone from my family to even some of my friends would blame me. And this isn’t just me, most of my fellow batchmates would rather not go clubbing and risk having something happen to them and end up being victim blamed by family and friends (yall my parents didn’t take it seriously when I got diagnosed with severe depression. Most Indian parents dgaf about mental health and when I was bed rotting to the point where I ended up missing classes they chalked it up to me being lazy. For them the concept of depression doesn’t exist and it’s honestly so fucked up). Also I’m very awkward while talking to people (which was another reason why I ended up being a shut in and got diagnosed in the first place) but maintaining an art account and making art has helped me cope with it, and also helped me find fellow like minded people who like the same things I like unlike my batchmates who make me feel like an outsider and act weird around me just because I’m bi (I hate studying in India ffs)
Yeah it’s a safety measure, especially when a lot of the clubs know that this stuff is happening and won’t do anything about it. On top of that, if you don’t have a designated driver and decide to ride share, so many of these male Uber drivers are sex offenders and murderers. There are more places other than clubs to hang out that can be done in broad daylight and with no alcohol.
As an Indian dude, I used to envy people that would go clubbing with their friends and talk all about it around me until I finally did go to one and found it was underwhelming. It was loud, people were sweaty and I just disliked the vibes. I tried going a few more times cuz one of my friends likes dancing and all, but most of my group has lost interest in it. It just isn't fun, we would rather hang out somewhere else, eat food somewhere.
If you really don't feel the need to then that's perfectly fine but if you want to try it out without risking anything you could go to an all women's club with a few female friends😊. I've noticed that the atmosphere is so much more relaxed when you know everyone is there to dance and it's not just a borderline speed dating event:)
Social hobbies where you don’t have to talk a whole lot: Figure skating. Take a group class or skate an adult session where they have a mini lesson for everyone. You aren’t meant to skate holding hands (unless you *want* to) and you can chat a bit if you want but you can go around by yourself and then leave. Ballet class. Adult classes are everywhere and you shouldn’t be talking during class and you can bolt right after. Take a bow to your teacher and leave if you want. Hiphop class. Same. Same! Art class: lots of people understand you don’t talk during class. You zone out. You can bolt after if you want. All these things I will say, when you finally open up to people and make a friend it’s awesome. I was so overly guarded for some many years. And it is hard. It’s hard to make and keep friends but let me tell you, keeping yourself in quarantine (yes bedrotting is self isolation) is not living. Go get your life.
I am hosting a craft night where people can bring their crochet or knit project or any other creative project they are working on. I think these are perfect for more introverted people to connect with other like-minded people.
Surprisingly there is not a lot of chatting in Kendo. It's a lot more screaming and correction. And it's decent cardio, so you'll leave feeling better than you arrived
Honestly body image and appearance really makes me not want to go anywhere. It never fully registers to me how insecure I am until I feel like I have to get all done up and look a certain way to even leave my room… I would rather bed rot, cancel plans on people, then go through the great effort it takes for me to look presentable, and it’s really sad! I definitely want to work on my confidence so I can embrace life more
I don't want to offer unsolicited advice, so please feel free to ignore lol. I've had intense anxiety and self image issues throughout my life (and honestly still do sometimes). However, I've found it helpful to reframe my mindset as this: my body the least interesting thing about me. It is aggressively neutral. Every part of your body/apperance is natural and that's okay. I had a lot of shame surrounding my body/appearance because of media constantly pushing the narrative that as a woman the worst thing I could be was vain, and the second-worst thing was to be ugly. I'm not kidding--look at every disney villain and there's a trend of women either being portrayed as evil because of their vanity (Tangled) or evil because they're ugly (Cinderella's stepmother/stepsisters). Even worse, in Cinderella the stepsisters are also foolish because they have the AUDACITY to want to be beautiful, and even more so because they believe they are. We are convinced that "true" beauty must be effortless and that it is inherent to our moral character (Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty/Snow White), but showing that you want to be beautiful is shameful, embarrassing, and leads to decay of our moral character (which also leads to the "not like other girls" mentality). I didn't realize how intensely I had internalized these messages, and not only did I have poor body-image, but I also felt like I was morally inferior to those I saw as "naturally beautiful." ALL INSECURITIES ARE LEARNED. All insecurties we have are learned. Toddler's don't go around worrying about the shape of their bodies or outfits. I find when my hippie-dippie "my body is neutral!" mentality is wearing thin, I can always rely on my back-up store of anger at capitalism for breaking down every aspect of people's appearances and convincing us that we need to spend a million dollars on self-improvement beauty care makeup bullshit to make up for the moral deficit of having a body that doesn't fit main-stream beauty standards. It's systematic and designed so that we, the individual, are always going to lose. Companies have been working for DECADES to convince us that we are not enough--and even worse, that once a beauty trend has become "mainstream," those with money can just?? move the goalposts?? Look at how the "Clean Girl" aesthetic replaced the "2016 Expensive & Extensive" makeup trend once it became accessible to folks. "Clean Girl" relys on high-end cosmetic procedures, expensive behind-the scenes lifestyle changes, working out, etc. All things that are used to subtly flaunt wealth and inaccessibility. Anyway. Self-love is a radical form of rebellion in our late-stage capitalistic hellscape. Fuck beauty standards and "looking presentable," go make friends & socialize and it will get easier with time. I believe the point of life is to make genuine connections anyway. I see you, I feel your heartache, and I just want you to know you're not alone.
Two big things about clubs for me and why I don't partake, 1. clubs don't play the music I like and if they say they do, they don't. 2. S3xyal harassment/stalking. Never had a good experience at a club so I don't go anymore plain and simple.
Also, they're too loud. You can't actually socialise, because you can't hear anyone. If you don't enjoy dancing, they have literally nothing for you except potential SA.
Same here! I can't tell you how many times I was groped by random strangers. Those experiences were traumatic. So I STAY AWAY from the clubs....because I believe it's bound to happen, especially when you start to dance and have fun, there's always some weirdo who thinks that's an invitation for him/her to come up behind you and grab your butt.
Gen Z don't got money. Mostly cause the system we work for don't want us to have money. So odds are we're gonna end up isolating, bed rotting, and generally staying stagnant.
instead of bedrotting though, on my worst days i would walk around my neighborhood, go to the park and read a book, find little libraries around my neighborhood and exchange or get free new books from there... go to the beach when possible and just stare at the water and pack my own snacks. When my friends invite me out to eat and i don't want to spend money, i will bring my own food, or sneak food into the movie theater to not drop $30 extra... There's things you can do alone that are free but are better than letting yourself deteriorate. Even while resting in bed, opening duolingo or memrise and picking a random new language is better for your brain than sitting on tiktok or youtube, etc. The little things count.
@@alskdkfjghd That's probably cause going out to the club had cost about $10 for a whole night's worth of fun. Hyperbole aside, it's much MUCH more expensive to go out and risk some BS happening than it is to stay relatively safe in your home. Not advocating for bed rotting or anything like that, but saying it makes sense why Gen Z is in the state we're in.
@MinuteMirror For sure, I agree that there's many minor solutions that can add up to a better experience in life overall. I wish things were significantly different, though, systemically. But I think people have it in them to make those types of things happen.
@@lorriechristian7164 I went out 10 years ago when I was 18, and last weekend (I’m 28). Cover was essentially the same, drinks were basically the same. When I was younger we got drunk before going to the club to save money anyway. What dangerous things do you think are happening now that weren’t happening 10 years ago? Is it a better life to lock yourself inside all the time out of fear?
i think there is another part of this conversation that is being left unsaid, her answer to this problem people have is just go outside! but the only places she could name are clubs, parks, movies, or a pottery class. there arent really public spaces for young people to really hang out unless its a whole event or concert and that costs money, going outside costs money and young people are fucking broke because the wages are horrible rn. as someone who goes out and does shit like this i can say my wallet is dry and not many people especially in the same age range are willing to expand their small circle. none of these things stop me from trying but it is very hard and i understand why people defult to bedrotting
that is to say please try people, the more yall try the more spaces will be opened up for young people and the more real communities, face to face, will be built
Then hang out at each others houses, go to the mall, a fair, pool, skating rink etc. Jeez. Making excuses is also apart of the problem with why some of you can’t get out of depression, you make excuses to not even try. 🙄
As someone who worked in retail, I don't understand how you have a job in customer service and then feel like it's *not* part of your job to interact with customers?? Like I get not adopting "the customer is always right" mentality, but not greeting or lending help to customers just means you're not fit for the job.
honestly, I worked minimum wage, customer facing jobs most my life. Now when I ask for help finding stuff at the grocery store they literally roll their eyes at me.
that woman also clearly wanted to be nice and follow their lead, and was just trying to greet them like human beings, I cannot imagine being mad at that, people who treated me like a person were such a relief when I worked in retail?
I feel like a bit of an outlier because I’ve literally never been a social person. Even as a young child you would find me reading a book or sat in front of the tv instead of playing with other children. Then after years of bullying instead of a mere indifference to socialising I flat out can’t stand it. So much so that I am currently a student and would rather live below the poverty line than get a retail/customer service job- I’ve literally lost 40lbs because I can’t afford much food. I’ve been clubbing and didn’t enjoy it but I don’t think I was ever going to be the target audience for it. I just can’t tell where my introversion ends and my social anxiety begins. I feel like I’m wasting my life but whenever I venture outside of my comfort zone I always immediately regret it and end up worse off after.
I've been in a similar boat and have a proposal for you that helped me with the same issue. What if you try experimenting with seeing social interaction as part of your academic studies? Try learning little things about the people around you and discovering ways of interacting with them and unearthing their ways of thinking and secrets and then spend time analyzing them later. That makes social interaction way more fun even on the most basic level.
You might find a bit of a solution with aca (adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families) Therapy is a good option but expensive and hard to find a good therapist that you trust. ACA is basically free and in all countries in person meetings and zoom meetings. The Big Red Book is the textbook which you can get online and is a low commitment. It’s an accessible tool in your toolbox, losing weight because you can’t afford food, because you are being ruled by your fears is a tragedy ❤️🩹 I wish someone had told me when I was in my late teens/early 20s
I was the same way as a kid and I used to love that about myself. In college and a few years after I started making myself go to social gatherings in the hopes that eventually I'd learn to enjoy it. I didn't, and my life got better when I stopped trying to force myself into having a social life that looked more like the social lives of others. I mostly prefer solitude and I'll enjoy occasional one-on-one hangouts with a few close friends and family. There's nothing pathological about that. Social anxiety disorder impairs your ability to function. Introversion doesn't. Social anxiety disorder manifests differently in different people, but for me there's no mistaking one for the other. Feeling nervous about a new social situation is normal whether you're an introvert or not. When I struggled with social anxiety I would feel so anxious before classes and study group sessions that I'd get nauseous, I'd often throw up, I wouldn't be able to eat, I'd get panic attacks, and I'd often ruminate endlessly about incredibly insignificant moments of social awkwardness that nobody else even noticed. It made many days feel exhausting and miserable and chipped away at my will to live. Getting out of my comfort zone was only one aspect of getting over the social anxiety. I also needed meds and therapy. Eventually, it went away.
Sitting in bed isnt actually resting for most people and will 100% make you more tired. You're not moving your blood or muscles around and messing up your sleep cycle. For me, yoga is the most restful thing I can do.
@@wormisjunkd Idk if you watched the video or not but it’s about bed rotting and resting more than necessary. There are plenty of studies as to why people sleep a lot but still feel tired! Harvard health actually posted one in 2019. We also spend about a 1/3 of our lives asleep so why anybody would want to spend more than that in bed is beyond me. Unless they’re chronically ill which is not who we are talking about here in this conversation. 🫠 I grew up with a depressed parent and bed rotting was their coping mechanism. It went from being 1-2 hour “naps” to spending entire afternoons in bed. Which eventually turned into weeks of not leaving the bed. Which in turn, became years of not leaving the house. So yes I’m a firm believer that the more people rest or rot, the more tired they will feel. It’s inevitable. But it’s ok if you don’t wanna hear me ! I’m gonna live more and other people can sleep away their lives if they want. Their choice.
@@Gaby-ro7ii yea sorry I’m kinda sensitive to ppl assuming rest is occurring for no reason as someone with ME/CFS as ppl smtimes use that assumption to dismiss my legitimate needs in ways that can harm me so I was firmer than I needed to be there. it sounds like you’re kinda sensitive to the opposite for your own valid reasons. my bad on coming in a lil hot on that and stepping on your point, I mean no tension here. you make a valid point, I don’t intend to dismiss it, maybe we are both right in different ways, maybe the truth is both in different situations. regardless love
I think you're so right about peoples weird takes on clubbing. I love to dance, i love dancing and a club is a great place to do it. I think it's so strange how if you say you like "clubbing" it's immediately irresponsible. I've had friends birthdays be on like Tuesday nights and we go to the club and 1. nobody drinks, 2. Everyone that needs to leaves by 11pm. (I'm not encouraging going to the club on weekdays btw but I'm just saying you control your experience)
Yes! I do not normally go to clubs, but that's because I'm not too fond of overpriced drinks and bad (to me) music. I love to dance. I like concerts and live music venues. I also love a good rave/EDM festival once in a while as a way to dance to music I love, dress up (often in outfits I partly made), and connect to an amazing community of fellow electronic music lovers. And yes, you can attend these sober.
People also don't like clubbing because usually the music is trash, it's really hard to hear and sometimes even damages your eardrums, most women have complained about men harassing them and making them feel uncomfortable. Plus, many things. People are passed clubbing. If there's ways to have fun, it's not that.
As someone who has depression and anxiety and who is gay I honestly don’t like dealing with people. More often than not they don’t think about the other person but rather themselves. I’m not the nicest person in the world but very approachable understanding and empathetic. Which most people these days aren’t unless it benefits them mentally, or socially. I get it’s important to be social but I also firmly believe it’s important to be social with people who matter and care about you. Not going out to a random club a, getting drunk with someone I just met and probably will never talk to again and add them on Instagram meanwhile burning a hole in my wallet when inflation is at an all time high. Idk. A LOT of reasons why I choose to not socialize with people. And the acceptance wave is a big part of that too. Can never really be honest with anyone without anyone getting offended. Idk. I blame social media lol. Unrealistic lifestyles and standards run rampant. I don’t bed rot but I rather be at home doing something productive lol like tufting a rug or reading. And if I do decide to go do something it will be with people I know and love who support and uplift me and don’t expect anything but my presence.
Hi gen z, let me break it down for you. 1. Money. It's pretty straightforward. No money, no hanging out. Also, no money means people are working more hours to try to get money. Not to hang out but for bills. 2. A car. The U.S is not a walkable safe place. You need to car if you want to get anywhere. Most of my friends don't have cars, and the ones that do we don't have money to burn through gas to get everyone and go to places. I've tried, and it's put me in the negative many times. Especially in Texas. 3. Depression and social anxiety. Not everyone is socially anxious. They just feel nervous and overthink things a lot. I walk up to many people and am able to talk. Some are interested, others are not. With Depression i wouldn't say everyone has the mental illness that you can't get rid of, but the effects of living an unhealthy lifestyle. Bad diet, not going outside, not talking to others. The first steps are hard, but you kinda have to force yourself to do it. Which is always easier said than done.
I feel the money and car thing is something that isn’t emphasized enough. So many people are living paycheck to paycheck, it’s more a fantasy to have something left over for an outing than reality. Ppl in Europe don’t even know how blessed they are to hop on a train and be in a different city in like an hour. I know people much older than myself who have never left their state let alone the country because travel is far too expensive. Gas=very expensive. Plane tickets=very expensive. Train tickets=very expensive. Rental cars=very expensive. You can slice the “cheap places to travel” mambo jumbo any way possible and the fact is there are simply too many people who cannot afford to put away money for an emergency, let alone something fun for the weekend. Much less travel to a different city or country. I cannot scream any louder how much of a privilege it is for people who get to travel like it’s nbd.
You can go out without money though. There are plenty of free state buildings, museums, parks, beaches, etc. that people can go to. Also, if you don’t have a car, most busses in the US have a single trip fair of $3 or less. If you’re a student, a lot of colleges also offer free and reduced bus fair.
You don't need money to simply hang with your friends. I moved away from my friends in my hometown and we still meet up from time to time. Planning things is an option. Go to the library, beach, carpool,bus,train. I have been broke my entire youth and I managed to get out there lol
Im pretty sure the video people are in a first world country so they are obviously not talking about third world countries. What do you have out there? Marketplaces and tea shops? Free buildings right?
As an Australian, it's SO expensive to go out. I looked into horseriding the other week and it's at least $100 for a session, archery is $70 a session because you have to do a mandatory safety training course, yoga is at least $30 a session if you're lucky, eating out for 2 people is minimum $40-50, not including drinks, local pottery class is $60 a session. Yes, there are some free activities, but not a lot depending on where you live, and often not at convenient times (eg. local free mahjong class I wanted to join is only on Tuesdays at midday.... when I am at work)
Same in New York. And the free activities are like, 99% retirees, who aren't even doing the activity, it's literally just a room to sit in. Which, like, good for them, but I'll make friends with old people, I won't make friends with people who don't care.
It makes me so sad thinking about younger generations not having the experiences of "going out." I used to literally count down the hours all week until the weekend.
I'm a younger millennial and within the last month, my friends and I have been starting to go out every weekend again. Problem is food/drinks cost a lot and even free festivals make you spend on that and the local vendors that we want to support. But I think normalizing things like going to the park and hiking or something more affordable should be a thing. Movie theaters used to be affordable too so that's also sad lol
I feel a pressure to go out to clubs FROM people who do it…I’ve never liked “going out” in the forms of partying and clubbing. I don’t like loud environments, busy places etc. I do feel like I’m an outcast for “not clubbing”. people say they don’t judge but I definitely do feel judged for simply not enjoying it lol. Such as this video. I love blasting my favorite music on a road trip with a friend or while cooking dinner with my boyfriend after taking edibles. and I dance in my room on every day and that’s worlds of fun for me! Couldn’t care less if partying is how you chose have fun. All the power to you. But more often than not people push this as the only way to have authentic fun and that it’s something everyone *should* have the capacity for.
Better to do coke than drink. I stopped drinking years ago because it makes me just feel awful. I rather use little bit coke once a month when i go clubbing.
I totally get not wanting to interact with people sometimes, but I would encourage people to try to find places where they can physically be around other people with no expectation of interaction, like a park or a library or even a food court. Even if you’re just sitting there scrolling on your phone most of the time, the change in scenery and the presence of others helps to keep you from getting too deep in your own head or whatever doom rabbit hole the algorithm is suggesting, but without the pressure of an actual social activity.
this is great advice!! you are the first person to suggest indirect socialization!! i struggle with social anxiety, but i am aware that we are social creatures. sometimes when i feel down in the dumps, but i don't have the energy to be socializing face-to-face, i like walking downtown or sit by the beach surrounded by other people and people watch! sometimes body language feels more better than talking when you need to see peeps. 💜
as someone with social anxiety i love this idea. i once took a walk in a park and rested on a bench and just watched the water and ppl walk by. it was actually really nice.
The walk thing is so real the amount of times it helped me when I start to feel overwhelmed even just 5 minutes, old people were onto something with going in the park to feed the birds bread crumbs lol
I just love solitude. I prefer to not be in big crowds etc. If I don't think I'll like something I don't do it. Life is short so if I like spending my time at home watching movies, shows, reading, and crocheting, I'm going to do it. I don't like clubs, birthday parties, weddings, etc. I just don't. Edit to add clarification- I’ve never seen a video talk about bed rotting as a weeks long depressive episode. Rather bed rotting in free time or on weekends and isolation, not going out constantly or seeking social experiences. I also think we have always viewed introversion as shyness and something to be fixed. We are now (I thought anyway..) not shaming introverts and telling them they need to be extroverts. I have not seen anything about romanticizing depressive episodes of staying in bed for days or weeks, not showering, or caring for yourself. What I do see is people coming out of these episodes, sharing their struggles, and saying it’s okay to struggle, we just have to try to come back from it so clean my depression room with me etc. I see people sharing how their mental health affects their ability to perform basic self care tasks. If someone sees otherwise I’d love to see the videos and form my own opinion on it. It’s easy to group those like myself together with people who isolate for mental health reasons so wanted to share my perspective as well. In social commentary videos we are meant to have discussions so I shared my own experience and have clarified further in my comment replies.
@@katherinepadron0628lasting around is also their business, not yours. If they’re paying their taxes then why do you care? That’s that nosiness and judgement that I don’t like. Would you rather they were out being a menace to society or doing dumb social media trends?
Wow you’re so special. Honestly What the hell is the point of posting this comment under a video about glorification harmful antisocial behavior. Maybe leaving the house will help you Read the room better.
So im 26 and i throw raves in LA. I party w/ all types of artists(painters, musicians, stylist etc) at least 2x a week. I personally dont do dr*gs and i dont drink all the time. I literally go out to pull a look and dance. Some of my peers do all types of dr*gs that doesnt align w/ me. I say this to point out tht if u have a group of friends and u want to go out. Please do, u dont have to do anything u dont want to do. Just be w/ ppl who care about u and align w/ what ur into. Get cute and be w/ ur friends. Your 20’s are so short, dont be pressured to do shit u dont want to do either. Just have fun.
I want to add that stuff/activities are soo expensive and there are no third places for people to just be social and explore for free. Also I’m at 16:45 and you may mention this later in the video *❤ I do think that people are in search of community though . That brings me hope
While i agree this shouldn't be glorified, i think it should be acknowledged that not everyone is built to "go out" (in the bar/partying/dancing way) .Some people get easily overstimulated being around too many other people, and end up NEEDING to recharge at home in between outings (even for work, school and what not) .There are also creative hobbies that can be condicted at home such as crafting or making music that are fulfilling and don't require going out
As someone with depression I highly recommend getting a dog as an antidote to bed rotting. My dog wakes me up in the morning and gets me out of bed. When I'm walking her I get to be in nature and I get to know people in my neighborhood. Caring for others is a way to care for yourself.
i always felt a pressure to be in clubs and parties, never enjoyed it, always felt bad. it has always been “the right thing to do”. the cool ones are always partying. so no, it is not “trendy” to simply dislike a activity that most people do and deal with the consequences of being different or having other preferences, that are not the “nicer” ones.
I’m not even trying to glorify it but being social is very draining. It’s like I try but I start to get agitated and idk why. I’ll be having fun for a little then out of nowhere I feel exhausted and annoyed.
Probably bc you get too self conscious. Its normal, but the best way to avoid that is building your confidence around people, and preferably people you want to be around. And sometimes, you gotta go for some shock therapy, bc afterwards you will have proven to yourself that there is nothing to worry about.
@@muphynaI don’t think it’s even that. Even when i feel good I still get overwhelmed and eventually want to go home after while. I think I can have a good time especially if alcohol is involved. But when I’m ready to leave I am ready to leave. I don’t like staying at places for too long and I hate when my friends have one plan and add on 3 other plans after.
@@zaire-aniyarobinson2928 So just do as much as you enjoy? Like, the two options aren't loving socializing for hours on end or hating being social. It sounds like you like to be social just for a little bit. Maybe over time you'll feel less drained, maybe not, but it's fine to go to something for a few hours and then go home.
That’s because it’s not for everyone. Don’t listen to people who try to make you feel like an alien for being introverted. I am the same, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us
@@StormSoughtthat’s what I do lol. My friends get in their feelings about it though. I don’t like or love socializing but I tolerate it. I have this issue at family events too and my family get mad. I’ve been this way since a child and I always eventually went in my room on Thanksgivings.
This is not a GEN-Z problem. This is the aftermath of COVID. Every world war we have had took YEARS for people to go back to a normal life activity. The brain needs time to process, mourn and accept when something really traumatic happens, as 2020 was. This is happening in every age level, beyond cultures and nationalities. I'm a millenial and due to trauma from childhood, I used to be in bed with my curtain shut down for YEARS. Eventually, I went out again and even became a nomad. People need to mentally / psychologically process their traumas before they can thrive again. Ans yes, internet being all they know, doesn't really help.
I’m from the UK and I really don’t relate to the young people not wanting to go out. I feel like the main obsicles to going out is the amount of night life closing and having really limited options that aren’t great but there’s a big desire in my circles for a party lifestyle. Maybe because I went uni and the town was so cheap to go out but there was a point I was going out 3x a week but now I’m in London it’s just too expensive and exhausting after working all week.
Plus, the UK has transit. I went out when I was in gradschool in Qales, I was all over, all the time, and I've walked through London at all hours, not worried. But NYC where I'm from is often scary alone at night, and most places you need a car or to pay for cabs to have any expectation of making it home alive. Not a party vibe.
So true about skill-based hobbies. It’s surprising how much purpose and fulfillment a skill-based hobby gives you. I started making bows last year and it’s improved my life immensely
Balance is EVERYTHING! It’s okay to rest and not want to be around people and it’s okay to go out and be in touch with the outside world… resets and periods of isolation is actually beneficial; so is socialising and being around people, doing hobbies outside of the home; you just needs to make sure you’re not doing too much of one and prioritising that over the other 🙂
@@Olia-ch-kabarely, she briefly mentioned that she's using the word incorrectly (for some reason). She should change the title because it's very misleading and false. This woman is bright and has integrity so I have no idea why she chose this.
Dude I HATE when people interrupt me while I’m reading. I don’t read to appear interesting and quirky. I have been so turned off that I don’t even read outdoors anymore. I also don’t want to be rude, so I used to try to give people the hint that I just wanted to keep reading and enjoying my book without talking to them. But people don’t respect boundaries when you’re polite 😡
These kind of conversations around depression and mental health always rub me the wrong way when it starts leaning into "you can feel better if you do x or try y hard enough". Some of us can't just "let go" of our depression because it's chronic and/or part of a lifelong mental illness.
But we can desire to want better for ourselves. You can't let it go, but there comes a point where you have to decide that you won't let it overshadow your whole life If you keep yourself in an echochamber of "oh I can't do anything, and if I try something it's going to fail" then you won't get better. Yes it's chronic, yes it's not as simple as just trying harder, but you can absolutely feel better if you try something different and desire that change. Excuses only get us so far.
as someone who has suffered with chronic depression for the past 15 years, there is a level of responsibility that needs to be taken for our own situations and happiness. we are not helpless. we can help ourselves, even in small ways. we can get therapy, sure, and that helps - but WE are ultimately the ones who have to get up and make the change in our own lives. of course it's hard. but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try (even if we fail 600 times before something finally changes). you CAN 100% feel better (in however small a way) if you try. you can.
You may not be able to to let it go but wallowing in it doesn't help. I was horrifically depressed for years and now when I feel it creeping, I go for a walk or listen to music I like, read a book, do things that are stimulating. Even if I have to force myself to do it because it's so much more harmful to "give in" and rot.
To me All of this is deeply connected with Covid and quarantine … our lives shifted so hard, we were forced to bedrot and not to go to the club, and now we just have to relearn what we want to do to socialize
Nah. Being an extrovert is still the norm, the only reason you see so many "introverts" online is because introverts are terminally online but most people are out partying still. Personally i could never stand club and party culture, and hanging out with normies always meant drinking and/or clubbing 100% of the time. I tried it for a while and though I tried to enjoy it, I hated it. Clubbing meant having to force myself to get wasted to not feel awkward out of my mind, getting insulted and yelled at by strangers, harrassed, and having to smell other twerking people's literal smell of unwashed shit for a good bunch of hours. I don't understand how that's fun and if it really is dying off, then good riddance. I enjoyed the people i hanged out with, i loved talking to them, just the outings always having to involve clubs and drugs... not even being able to talk because the music is so loud. I don't see how that's socializing and to me it wasn't fun either.
When I used to work at a college focused on undergrads I literally saw the way that COVID expedited this sense of antisocial-ness. Pre-COVID students were so excited to go to events and do karaoke and all the silly small things that make college work. I left because I didn't feel joy in providing experiences that students wouldn't come to, or worse, would come to, give it 5 minutes and then leave because it was "boring". I think a lot of young people have this idealized version of what their lives should be like so when it doesn't live up to it (because it's unattainable) they shrink into less.
OMG yes Andrea!!! I just said this! Because of TikTok, instagram, and Snapchat, we see these influencers and people with curated personalities, making skits, or interacting with people. This makes people watching the said videos compare themselves to said people, and when we as a younger society attempts to do things, we try to do it as that person we watch on social media, instead of ourselves. When it doesn’t work, we shrink into ourselves, just as you said.
@@jeg0623 Exactly! Media literacy is so important to teach young people so they can critically engage with the internet. I even think about how filters in 2015 are SO different than filters now -- they're way more elusive and discreet which is scary. Even me at my big age I feel pressured to put on the smoothing filter if my face looks too textured, HUH?!
Kinda true. I never participated in a single college event cuz i knew it wouldn't compare to to what I have heard stuff is like from my friend's experiences, so if one day my friends did ask me about it, I would have nothing to say and they would forget it. I also joined late and they already had a very strong ingroup. I wish I did better, but ig it is what it is
@@ScaryMango6755 That's super fair- having that sense of group identity is incredibly important in facilitating social events. Social development theory talks a lot about the way that students come about creating their identity outside of the constraints of high school, parents, etc. and if you don't have that group to help you reinvent yourself it is likely going to be harder. The good news: you always have now to do better :)
Im from the UK. We hate American "service" standards. No I don't want a waiter checking in with me every 5 minutes. However, I would like the cashiers to be friendly. Saying hello is totally fine. But that said, I don't want them to be forced to say hello in that fake corporate way. It can be natural. They can do it if they want.
as someone who is a big introverted, i did the whole "read outside in a bench so people will talk to me" and even the "sit at the library and have stickers on your computer so people can see my interests and interact" and nothing worked. i don't know if i look that scary looking or if i'm just very ugly
i'm plump and just barely a millennial it's not like i look like a weird old lady (i just got fine lines on my eyes this year meanwhile billie eilish has full on mouth wrinkles). but it's DEFINITELY a generational thing and they swear they're the fucking main character but they just know they'll never get to grow old that's where the ageism stems from, 10000000000%, they couldn't even come up w a clever joke 😒
well, you can't just sit there lol you have to approach others. If you are too anxious to do that, maybe sign up for a club or something (art class, yoga, dance class, etc) where you almost HAVE to talk to ppl lol
I'm going to be blunt here: no matter how attractive you are ppl aren't just gonna randomly come up and talk to you in a park or a library. Not gonna happen, find a place where socializing is *expected* like a book club for example
@@anonymous-cq7wj Unfortunately they are in certain places, I don't know how these places become the way they are, but some parks you will be hit on by men who are walking around the park and lightly harassing literally every woman. This is gendered (at least somewhat, probably), and some people just won't end up in these places, but situations exist where strangers just bother you in public, even reading, even with headphones.
I also think the problem is that the whole mindset of nobody owes anyone anything if that makes sense? Which is not really true if you think about it. Don’t get me wrong if someone really is being abusive or really mean, cut the cord. But if your relatives and friends are reaching out to you and want to talk or hang out with you; you do owe them a reply. It’s extremely impolite to not respond to them, they obviously love you and want to help you if necessary. And if you have a problem with someone, just talk to them about it and don’t just ghost people because that’s rude and childish. Please be considerate of other people’s feelings.
People don’t have to spend time with people if they don’t want to. If they owe you a reply whenever you want, then you owe them space whenever they want it. Your desires are not more important than theirs.
That’s true too but at the same time I think it’s about balance in a way and I do feel like people are being more selfish and not really being considerate of their relationships with people and just leaving them on read all of the time and not making any effort to reciprocate.
And you can politely decline to hang out at the moment as opposed to constantly leaving people on read all of the time. I mean they’re being considerate and would love to see you
@@EJ1443 Yeah, it's about the effort required to treat people with basic decency, which you DO owe most people. Text your friends back. Say hi back to strangers. If your 'self care' is making the world a worse place for everyone else, even in small ways, how is that even good for you? We all want to live in a world where people are kind to each other. You've got to make that world, at least in the ways you can, even if it's just by not actively making things worse.
@@StormSought Nope. Your friends don’t have to text you back. YOU need to find friends who text you back. And strangers don’t have to say hi back. YOU are the one who needs to stop feeling entitled to people’s attention. Minding your business doesn’t make the world a worse place. And you’re not being kind. You have a desire for attention and company and you place that desire above everyone else’s desire for space and alone time. You can do whatever you want but don’t act as if you’re doing it out of kindness for others when you’re only focused on what you want and you don’t care at all what other people want.
isn't your message conflicting when first you say that it's a negative thing that young people don't go to clubs because you can totally go clubbing without alcohol/drug use, but then you say it's totally normal and "I don't know why are people surprised, duh" about hard drugs usage in clubs? like, isn't that understandable that people who are more reserved won't enjoy going to a place where everyone is high af? also, the little comments like "just say you can't dance", equating expressing not liking clubs to acting "holier than thou" and "self righteous" idk girl ... I agree with the overall message of the video but u definitely gave me the vibe of one of those people who are the reason why so many young ppl feel pressured to party because it's what they "should" do 😭 personally, I'm glad we are starting to normalize not enjoying nightlife. when I was a teenager, it absolutely sucked that I just couldn't see any fun in alcohol and parties and I felt like a loser. I'm happy that I'm at the point in life where I don't have to worry about these things anymore.
Feeling pressured to do smth is not the same as actually being pressured to do smth. If you go to clubs, yeah, there will be people who want to use and will do so. But that doesn’t mean you have to do the same. When you develop your self confidence to the point where peer pressure just does not work on you and you realize that you have complete and full control over what you choose to do bc you dont need to fit in with everyone, thats when you will allow yourself to live more fully
This is not at all a critique of your video or content style, but I feel like every time new “discourse” pops up it boils down to the same things it’s been for years. The pandemic, the economy, child labor, fast fashion, body image, third spaces, unemployment/ poverty, like the list is endless and everything is feeding into the next issue. Like no wonder we’re depressed and anxious there’s been very little positive change in America for the last 4 or so years
When antisocial behavior-such as aggression, manipulation, or disregard for social norms-is portrayed positively, it can lead to the normalization of these actions. This normalization can influence individuals, especially younger audiences, to mimic such behavior, thinking it’s acceptable or even desirable.
I don't understand why this bright woman who has integrity chooses to use that word in the title and video when she knows she's using it incorrectly. She doesn't mean anti-social, she means asocial. Idc that she made a brief disclaimer, it's misleading and false.
I don't get it why extrovert people feel so offended if no everyone likes socializing that much. Just let the introvert people alone and go outside with who want to. 🙄 Let people be themselves and use their time as they want!
The comments being made aren't about introverted people perfectly happy in their lives. The topic is people who crave that connection and socialization with others, whilst simultaneously engaging in practices that actively make it harder for them to socialize. Also the prevalence of social anxiety and how so much time being spent online and not so much outside can actively worsen it for people struggling with it already
Worked many retail/cashier jobs and it depends. Working with tjx it was mostly middle aged women buying stuff they didn’t need. They were always pleasant, auntie vibes. I (being very introverted) loved talking to them and a lot of them came back “for more stuff” when I was working lol. They remembered my name and other stuff visa versa. I met some of their kids lol. I loved them. Now working in food; people are hostile and mean! People yelling at me cause their coffee isn’t piping hot, standing in line for god knows how long and not knowing what you want with 3 functioning aged children with you. Uber drivers expect to be catered to IMMEDIATELY…..
lmao you summed it up perfectly. i got out of that hell by fucking up my foot by standing stupid in heeled boots in place for hours and now i'm in this ^ "bed rotting" hell :/
This, i work in healthcare and since there is such resentment towards healthcare and delays (that i don't have any control over) people are so beyond rude, I will greet them and many will just slap some papers on the desk and go "YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME AN APPOINTMENT FOR THIS" no hellos nothing, like goddamn. And when inevitably i have to give them their appointment with a ton of delay many go "IF I DIE IT'S YOUR FAULT" like i'm delaying their treatment because i want to. No matter how nice i try to be people will always flip out on me and leave bombing scathing reviews about "customer service" and always blaming front desk because of delays caused by overpopulation and budget cuts (which receptionists have 0 control over). Why do i have to be polite to these people??? hard pass
I agree with everything except the whole “it’s puritanical for people to call out casual hard drug usage” part. Yeah we shouldn’t be normalizing or encouraging people to do any hard drugs.
That’s why half these people have melted brains. They spent their formative years smoking weed and dropping acid without any care of what that’ll do to them 15 years down the line. Recreational drug use is more often than not a symptom of a larger mental health issue or desperation to fit in. If you feel like you need to get fucked up to have a good time, you’re just as bad as the people who don’t go out at all.
Its a bit different given the genre of music. Shes not saying we all need to rush out and start snorting lines but to be shocked at a reference to coke in a techno/edm dance album is silly
18:01 I get the advice, and it can really work for many people and is definitelly worth trying out, but Madison maybe forgot to mention that approaching others randomly in public is also a cultural thing that is not taken so lightly outside of America. Not just interrupting people enjoying something in public such as reading a book, but approaching a lone person in a bar may seem aggressive in some countries, and therefore be seen as a red flag for future friendship. So yeah, being pretty definitelly helps with being apporachable inpublic and making friends, but many other people from other countries are thought that such an approach is rude and shouldn't be exercised in public.
Yeah definitely pick your battles and don’t just walk up to lone people on the street. First off, in America, that can get you shot. Second, some people do not feel safe or want to be approached by strangers when they are minding their business. If you’re going to a social club, a hobby oriented class, etc. walking up to someone can make sense. If someone is waiting for the bus or shopping and you come out from left field trying to strike up a conversation at random, you run the risk of getting pepper sprayed. There’s a time and a place and the lack of social interaction and poor advice from the internet isn’t going to help people figure that out.
Wrong. It's the inevitable consequence of being forced to play nice, ostracized should you ever go against the group, treated as poorly as ironically by the cultof positivity, and generally being expected to stifle yourself because someone else's comfort is socially deemed more important than your own. And I'm very here for it.
I, a service worker, have also been so fuckin confused and frustrated these last few years going into like, fast casual restaurants, and having 3-5 employees who all obviously see me just choose not to acknowledge or approach me while they all continue whatever task they’re in the middle of, meanwhile I’m literally at the register waiting with no one else in the store. It’s so fucking awkward and just bizarre ass behavior
Right, like I get it if it takes a second, even if all they're doing is chatting, but I do expect the job to be done at some point, I can't ring myself up, and I can't help being a customer. I'll get out of your hair as soon as I can.
I think people coming up and talking to you is such a NYC thing. The normalcy of talking to strangers is so different depending on the culture you’re in.
@@linagoby1738 i live in nyc and I think people talk to each other so much here. Part of it too is that we just have more daily social interactions compared to most the US because we spend so much less time in our homes (and perhaps more important, our cars)
I don't like clubbing because it's just not for me, bedrotting is DEFINETLY unhealthy specially if done for long amount of time (like, ew), & when it comes to hobbies I don't have many, idk reading manga, drawing/writing, & gaming kinda count so I'm sorted. I guess I should also clarify that I don't feel lonely, I stopped feeling lonely about 6-ish years ago (now 25), I just focus on college & bettering myself, I love being alone because I love being alone, simple!
I think the clubbing portion is being pushed too much. It's really not a think a lot of people do, especially the older you get. Raves and clubs also were of an age, and then... Ehhhhh....
Not true at all. This generation is quite ageist. Gen x was clubbing into their 30s (have you seen sex and the city?) this is weird new behavior. No one's forcing you guys to go out but these mindsets are harmful and quite conservative.
Nah saying hello is absolutely emotionally draining if you have social anxiety. When you really aren’t mentally prepared to talk to people in that moment it does take a toll. I’ll be thinking about that small interaction for days.
30:20 the “no one owes you anything” mentality, drives me absolutely insane. You know what? You actually do owe people a little decency, kindness, and acknowledgement. My ex boyfriend of one year “broke up” with me by ghosting me - literally one day, no fight, we had future plans etc he just stopped replying to my messages. And it was that mentality. “Well I’m breaking up with her anyway, I don’t owe her anything.” Why is giving people acknowledgment and kindness seen as such a radical thing…
To add a little bit - the breakup would have sucked, but it was the lack of acknowledgement of my existence in not replying to my messages or telling me it was over that hurt the worst. And it’s the same thing in stores, at work, etc. To not even acknowledging I’m a human being existing right in front of you, to make someone feel invisible, that was the worst part.
One problem i see is people conflating introversion with anti-social behaviours. They are NOT the same, introverted people NEED dynamic relationships just as much as extroverts do. Its the HOW that sets these apart (i.e. the size of the network, the configuration of social events, frequency, etc.). Imma need us introverts to stop using the label as an excuse
People need to look up the real definition of anti-social. It’s closer to sociopathy than people realize. Being an introvert and shy is NOT the same as that, and they should be separated. Anti-social disorder should be the only context where it is used, to avoid confusion…and take away from the people struggling with the disorder.
I'm a Zillennial and a bit older than my gen z coworkers. While I have anxiety about being percieved by others, they have it much worse. I was recently dragged into going to the gym. Being in an unfamilar environment does make me nervous but my coworkers immediately brought up their fear of being recorded at the gym if they started going and getting laughed at online for not knowing what they were doing. One of them also similarly admited to me that they had a tiktok addiction but laughed at the idea of getting a hobby.
the lack of going out also comes across in concert culture. concerts/raves are my fav way of going out and seems a lot of young ass kids dont know how to act cuz internet brain rot. throwing shit on stage is one example. You also dont have to drink/use substances when u go out if thats not ur vibe. I like to rave sober sometimes! Just dont lock ur self away from sick experiences at night bc ur sober
I had a horrible horrible bedrotting period that lasted like 6 months just in my grandparents guest room because I had a devastating breakup and moved out of my boyfriend’s house. It was not okay, I felt like I literally couldn’t do anything and I forgot how to socialize 😭
Honestly I spend all day at work dealing with different people, and as an introvert it gets exhausting. I don’t care to deal with most people, and that should be okay. I shouldn’t be obligated to interact with strangers in my free time. I love clubbing (as in dancing), playing video games, and writing; but interacting with people isn’t all that to me
I watched this podcast run by two mental health professionals and they explained that usually most of the things the brain does is for a reason. For example, the emotion of anxiety is to keep you safe (when it doesn't go too far). They gave one possible reason for depression as a way for your brain to get you to slow down and rest more, which would explain why people tend to get more depressed in the colder months. Obviously this doesn't mean people should just wallow in depression, but it got me thinking, how can I adapt my lifestyle to allow my body to have that rest and slow down, without sinking into depression
Yeah, I’m an extreme introvert and I love going out to just do something by myself and very, very casually interact with strangers because there’s not a level of investment that will fully drain my batteries the way navigating a major social event or working in customer service will. It’s a little dabble resulting in “I’ve had my people for the day” in the end so I can go recover with games or trying to clean while listening to podcasts or just go soak in the sunshine surrounded with plants and a book. That last part is a wonderful thing that is getting increasingly inaccessible to people and really is so important to neighborhoods.
Being anti-drug is not conservative. Research details all of the mental and physical draw backs of drug and alcohol consumption. Also, it’s human nature to judge. We’ve never lived in a judgement free society and we never will because judging helps people gauge the standards of what is appropriate, safe, etc. If someone is going to parties just to get fucked up, they have a problem. I can pity them, but I’m not gonna put the blinders on and pretend like a normalized behavior is actually normal.
When I was a teen, when I was ALLOWED to sleep in I slept in unbelievably late, it wasn't weird for me to get up after 12 on a Saturday (which I now realize wasn't really doing myself any favors, but DAMN it felt good to sleep in). I lived in the country, so my summer job was filling in for a migrant laborer (dear god what a hard job for a teen), and for about a month we started work at 6am, so when I say 'I had to get up early' I am not kidding around. Now, as an adult, it's almost humanely impossible to still be in bed after 9AM, no matter how hung over or exhausted I am. Heck, if I try to take it too easy I wake up at 1am, ready to roll, because there is just SO MUCH to get done at 1 in the morning! As a person who has been deeply introverted (to the point of dysfunctionality) for years, and then tried being actively social, being socially active came with TONS of downsides, it was probably the better life choice: young people need to learn the hard lesson that other people suck, but also the lesson that other people are INCREDIBLY valuable in life, nobody who's rich/famous/powerful got there without significant help from others, and even average folks can benefit from having some connections now and then! Cooperation is one of the most powerful tools creatures have in life. It's really, really hard to be your own pallbearer, so unless you want to get burned you need at least 6 strongish people who'll carry you in the end, and if you want to guarantee 6 will still be alive you need to make LOTS of good friends! North America has the illusion of individualism via the hyper-commercialization of identity... people today usually 'buy' their public persona via their consumption, it's the money that we spend that identifies us, and that is pure capitalism. This state was created through the expenditure of BILLIONS on advertising designed to gaslight people into being 'good consumers', and it's been so effective at blinding the masses that the rich have absconded with untold billions of their worker-serfs' productivity.
I agree with most of your points and think our glorification of asocial behaviour is becoming a social issue, BUT I don't agree that people are overreacting to drug use being glamorized by people like Charli. Coke is tied to illegal cartel activity, has long term negative health effects, etc. Also, the reliance on substances and its' use in association with socializing is pretty damaging in the long term. I'm actually pretty proud of Gen Z for turning their noses up at substance use/abuse like drinking and drugs, that demonstrates a much more thoughtful approach to their health and well-being and points out the larger issues with party culture that have people side-eyeing it to begin with.
And society normalizes more harmful drinking and demonize drug use. I stopped drinking because it just makes me feel bad. If i go clubbing once a month i use speed instead. It is less harmful than drinking and doesn’t make me feel ill.
What's really funny about the bedrotting clips used here is that these people still had the initiative to get out of bed and set up their phones and tripods to document how much they're bedrotting for social media... lmfao
Quick vent about clubs, they're too loud for people with noise sensitivities, they can be very unsafe, and you can't hear anyone! I personally prefer an environment that's not so loud that having conversations becomes impossible. In the US, we need more, not bars necessarily, but more cafe-ish spaces that incorporate live music. Kind of like night-cafes. Now those are the vibes!
I’m chronically ill and my conditions make me symptomatic when I ambulate so unfortunately have no choice but to bed rot. I also have mental health issues so it sucks bc it creates a vicious cycle and ofc poor mental health also affects the body negatively. It’s so hard and frustrating to navigate! I always try to take advantage of good days to move my body but I’m also so burned out from feeling bad that sometimes I use those good days to ACTUALLY relax in bed, which I think is diff from bed rotting due to disability or mental health issues. Thanks for acknowledging ‘if you’re able bodied’ bc it’s def a nuanced part of the convo
I disagree. Being an extrovert was and still is over rated. Introverts or less social people are still underdogs in society. Maybe the difference is that now we have internet to show our point of view.
Yup. And this comment section proves it. Lonely people with a fear of abandonment always feel entitled to the attention of strangers. And since they don’t care to listen to others, they genuinely believe that asocial people feel bad when they don’t get attention. They’re like “you would feel bad if I treated you that way!” Nope. I WANT you to ignore me. Because that means more alone time with myself and my friends.
@lululemon-t3t There are billions of people on the planet. Asocial people just existing in the privacy of their homes is not going to lead to a loss of community.
