The Hoovering Narcissist - The Abusive Cycle (Stephanie Lyn Coaching) 

Being discarded is the most painful, yet victorious thing to accomplish with a narc. It means they couldn't destroy you.

This is really good one. After 24 years of intermittent reinforcement, I finally learned his patterns, his cycles and I put an end to it. I broke the cycle by filing for a divorce. He is doing the hoovering now but I'm not falling for it. I do not trust him now. The only thing I know he is predictable at doing is emotional abuse. I thank God I have learned to love myself enough to start all over again. At 64 years old it won't be easy but I am forced to live life to the best of my abilities.

"THE LONGER YOU ALLOW SOMEONE TO KEEP COMING BACK AND FORTH INTO YOUR LIFE, THE LONGER IT'S GOING TO TAKE YOU TO MEET THE PERSON THAT YOU'RE REALLY TRYING TO MEET". NOW, YOU SAID SOMETHING RIGHT THERE!!!! THANKS!!!!

If you’re only interested in hearing the “hoovering” part, fast forward to 10:00

My ex of 4 years is a narcissist. I went through the whole shindig... walking on eggshells (being afraid to bring up anything) because I’ll be stonewalled/punished for weeks. He told me he loved me after 2 weeks, my response was like “ what????? Lol no you don’t” it’s damaging seriously. I ignored all the red flags because I was very insecure when I met him and he was over the top charming so I didn’t want to loose that as he was filling me up with attention. Anyways everything happened and more. Towards the end I began to have severe anxiety and panic attacks because of how terrible he would make me feel. Best thing is to get away from these people and we have to work on loving ourselves so these toxic people have no chance.

She said, "their new supply." 😂😂😂😂. This video is extremely informative and useful. Thank you for taking the time to educate us. Another important characteristic of a narcissist is that they DO NOT respect boundaries, hence the hoovering. They will pretend you didnt just break up with them 1 week ago. They are totally delusional.

Love bombing is repulsive to me so I think a part of me has healed.

So today is a year that I broke it off with my ex and he started hoovering and I ran to this video. It's so easy for cognitive dissonance to kick in. But I'm good now thanks to this video :)

Being discarded by my emotional abuser was the thing that tipped me over from completely toxic to working on a journey of self discovery and recovery from unhealthy thinking and behavior. Thank you for these videos.

That last comment is so true & helpful - realising that the narcissist has taught/brought you to this place where you have found your self worth! Be glad that you’ve learnt a powerful lesson & never forget to love yourself! Move on, don’t let them grind you down!!

Your videos are so helpful. This has been a vicious cycle to break away from, these narcissists are relentless

You are such a blessing in my life! I started therapy last week because of your encouraging videos. (double healing & help) lol.

Your aura is incredible. There is pink and white around you in your videos. So happy to see a healthy, balanced, and whole human that has the light inside and out! Bless you!

Cancel your subscription to their abusive issues. 🙅‍♀️

I just ended an abusive relationship, I left, and I blocked him then even he tries to email me, but I ill never ever contact him again. I will never let any man treat me like that again. There is a while back story to why I put up with the abuse, but I am so proud and happy and I know I am strong and better with out him. There are so many good and kind people out there, I was brave enough to take a leap of faith and I'm in a much better place. Now he is trying to hoover and no never coming back!

Being discarded is a blessing! And yes they will still Hoover you. They never go away! Ackkkk.

Totally agree!!!!! Don't give away to much of yourself in the beginning. Take it slow, don't put up with players. Love yourself enough to breakup, when you get it that if he/she don't get his/here way there will be nasty consequences.

When I have Been discarded by the nacissist , I just bluntly said to them that they dont deserve to be in my life any more and I prefer no contact ,that's how they stated pointing out their insecurities and blame game on me...but I didn't give any reaction but choose a best response 😋 and shut them off 😁 living a peaceful New Life after that horrible experience ,thanks to you 😍

I broke up with my boyfriend in April after what was probably the worst two years of my life. Going through these videos has helped me feel less stupid about falling for his act, simply by knowing that people like him do actually exist and that he was in fact abusive; I was sort of amazed listening to the cycle and basically having you recount exactly what my life was like when I was with him. So thank you, for giving me an extra piece of closure to add to all the self-love I've been collecting this year :)

I broke up with a narc a few days ago, and the vindictive hoovering has already started. Watching your channel has armed me with information to soothe myself, stay realistic and not get sucked into the pettiness.

Why narcissistic do this things? they don't realize how they hurt their partner?

Please don't stop. You are helping to bless others by God leading you. You are helping to change lives. I am very very grateful.

It is really devastating been discarded by these type of person after all you have done for them, they cheat they lie and they we'll cheat on they're new partner with you with promises that they will come back but after getting what they want from you they discard you again and get back to the new supply like nothing happen, it really sucks she's just a beautiful heartless monster, she has done it to me like six times in 8 months after been discarded for this new partner... so painful. stay strong and don't let them keep using you. Thank your work Stephanie !!

So SPOT ON to what I'm going through right now with my 32 yr relationship that is now ending. Thank you for what you have to offer! XOXO

My jaw just continued to drop.. while I knew I was in this type of relationship, it was all just put in my face and reassured me I definitely was.. this is crazy.. thank you for this video. I don’t feel so crazy anymore..

Your videos helped me to end up an abusive relationship. Thank you so much and also thanks for this valuable information! Greetings

Narcissism is like an epidemic. Thank you for your videos, they help massively x

I noticed my brother in laws odd behavior every time I was around him. He knew I was very sharp. So he never once had a real conversation with me in all the years I've known him. He fits every trait a narcissist has. I tried to confront my sister but she flat out went into denial and refused to listen. After over 12 years with him, she is a shell of her old self and can't fool me. So I am just waiting now for something to break out since he now knows I told her all about his traits and he knows I know all about him. These people are so robotic and uncaring about everyone except their possy of loser (or naive) casual friends. Any support groups out there? I will fight this guy by continued learning all about their kind. My sister has a heart of gold and as far as I'm concerned, my goal is to bring him down the right way. He has taken her soul. I have to just wait now, but any support group info would be of interest to me.

Its so crazzy to see how me and many others let this happen i feel so robbed of my life how could someone do this its insane. Been with my wife for 17YEARSSS cheated on multiple times abused the list goes on and on how can we be so weak people? Im taking back my life today! I kicked her out im done. I realized that im not crazzy i was once a guy who new what he wanted now i have no selfworth but i will and i say I WILL GET IT BACK dam narcs this will never happen again to me thank u for your videos iv learned alot from u your the best!

The disrespect is what gets me...I do not entertain period including my own mother they are sick 👶 .Thank you 🙏🙏

Traditional commitment person meets serial non-committer. My biggest regret is not point blank asking intent. Assumptions only fool yourself. Actions proved anything but. But yet the manipulation at maintaining supply was utter deception. After years of marriage then loss, you never see it coming. No boundary's are sacred to a disordered person. None. Thanks for your work Stephanie.

❤ Thank you Stephanie. Never heard this word Narcissist or related to abuse before. It is exactly what I went through and worse. From you I learn why I didn't know what to do about it and how to deal with it.

Thank you for breaking this down. I was discarded and in turn rejected the Narc. A week later he starts calling. I'm going into counseling today as I never want to be used again.

Great video Stephanie! I never heard before the two types of hoovering based on whether you were discarded or that you discarded the narcissist. Interesting! Going no-contact and be Hoovered is probably the most difficult thing to resist for an empath, but it’s so important. I think we empath’s have a tendency to project the way we think and feel on a narcissist and that is a common mistake. I’am currently going through some hooverings right now, but I’am staying strong and staying no-contact.

It is the wise people like Stephanie Lyn who really move this planet. Her words are so friendly and in charge with you about your emotions. I can see why she connects with women of course and these videos can be really helpful for men who want to dig deeper, see broadly, and be truly at peace with themselves. Watch and listen deeply, and you’ll find yourself reflecting on her insights regularly. Thank you Ms Lyn for being so remarkable!

Your videos are definetely giving me answers! I concluded that my ex fiance is a narcissist due to the terrible cycle, and evrrything you express is exactly what happened to me for 5years!

Your videos are great! They are helpful and comforting. I’m glad I found you.

You just changed my life. I needed to hear this.

I love your definition on being discarded!!! ♡♡♡♡♡ Amazing! Beautiful! Thank you

I just adore your videos. You are a natural and you know you’re stuff. It takes someone that went through narcissistic abuse to talk about it in depth like you do. Thanks for coming out of it and educating people about it instead of just doing videos out of anger and for the wrong reasons.

Steph you are great! You are the only one who actually makes sense.Every word you say is like pill for all of these mental issues,insecurities and so on...please keep being so awesome,wise,feminine and so pretty!

This is spot on!!! Good job! So much good info in all your videos. This is so hard to recover and heal from but it is possible and you can do it!

wow. Your incredible.. Thank you again Stephanie

I absolutely love your videos! I have seen a number of them and they are so encouraging. I am sure you have helped many people and so these videos are of great value to the world. Thank you for making them!

Thank you so so much I can’t tell you how much you’re helping me heal... I’ve meditated for clarity and I’ve meditate for healing and found your videos. The universe has provided...

Ty again for your channel. Keep the info coming.

Hi Stephanie, I just wanna say that you have been opening up my mind when it comes to toxic people in my life. Thank you so much for taking the time to make these videos. It is a bonus to hear your wisdom, and to learn so much from such a classy beautiful woman as yourself. I hope you find everything that you could ever hope for in this crazy world of ours. Well, I hope that for everyone too. ;-)

not all narcissists love bomb or hoover with gifts or " I love you ", or " you're my soul mate " early on. It might be excessive quality time or telling you deep secrets or appearing to be vulnerable to hook you early on. That's how I got hooked in the covert narc trap. He would always say he would never say deep words like I love you until after a while and he only dropped those words when he tried to hoover me almost 2 years in.

Thank you! You brought a lot of things to my attention that I need to be aware of. I was just recently discarded by a overt narcissist and the explanation you gave made me feel so much better about my situation. When I was discarded I felt humiliated by the narcissist but your explanation made me realize that I’m feeling more confident about myself and was even creating boundaries with this abusive person and that’s why he discarded me. Which in the end, made me so thankful that I didn’t let this person become too involved with me. It even made me start searching on the internet why this continually happens with me in my work situations. Well, I found out my family is riddled with them and I’m now on a path of learning, healing and creating the change in my life to be happy with myself again. Thank you for your videos and please keep the advice and help coming!

Thank you for making all these videos 💙 they really help me. I watch them daily to keep myself on track. I left a very narcissistic guy a few months ago and he has been very persistent on trying to keep me in his life. Thank you again I really appreciate all these videos that you make 😊

Stephanie this is vital for me right now. You videos are so impactful.

Your videos are the reason I even know anything about NPD. It’s so sad and scary at first but it gets easier. Thank you

Thanks to all this info, I can see every thing my "boyfriend" is doing. Now it's just insulting my intelligence. It's almost comical now when he tries it on me. I call him out on it every single time. He's too stupid to understand it has no effect on me anymore.

You’re hair color is stunning! Thank you for making these videos!

You literally described my ex to an absolute T … thank you so much, the healing is underway

You have a lot of really useful advice. You put it out in a very lucid, understandable method. Plus you're nice to listen to and look at.

The world is on camera. We’re all experiencing Hovering Narcissist. You ARE relevant . Please continue.

As a father of 2 daughters and 1 son, this is just an excellent channel with invaluable information and advice, Thank You!

I am presently feasting on ways to love myself so I can be happy . Great talk! It took a while to be sick but it's amazing how quickly I am healing with the right info!

THANK YOU SO MUCH! I needed to hear this video and thank you so much. Stephanie, you have no idea how much these videos help me. I just graduated college May 2017 and student loans are piling and so no additional income or insurance to talk to professional help regarding my emotional abuse situation with my boyfriend. I live with him and my lease ends in August 2018. Watching your videos have really inspired me to get a hold of myself and really change. I'm currently in the "walking on eggshell" and "gaslight" stage. Even over the weekend my boyfriend freaked out on me "for being a bitch" when in my opinion I didn't do anything and I didn't understand why he was upset. I realized he was just having a bad day and wanted to take me down with him. I'm the kind of girl that hates when people yell at me and I just sort of curl up into a ball and hide. When him and I were arguing I found myself agreeing to everything he was saying about me, yes I am a bitch, yes I am an irresponsible pet owner, yes I am ungrateful, etc just so he would stop screaming at me. I notice now all his habits, I do something, he gets mad, I agree I am a bad person, he apologizes for blowing up at me, I feel shitty, he buys me something, end of story and a month later it happens again... and again... AND AGAIN! I have told the leasing office for my apartment about my situation and I plan on going in again today and tell them I will not be living here for much longer. I am looking for a new job currently and a new place to live and plan on leaving my boyfriend. We have only been together for 8 months and I feel like it is too short of a relationship to continue and "fix" anything. I have a history of depression and anxiety and I need to be alone and fix myself while obviously he has issues of his own that need fixing.

U hit it right on the nail sis u did it once again info to grow on very helpful and ur hair looks very lovely keep up the good work thanks again love Grace n peace

Such an amazing video

This is one of the best videos on this subject that I've seen so far.

Amazing. To hear all this and it is healing to listen. I’ve been discarded 2 times.

Well communicated. Will follow your advice. Thanks so much for posting this video.

So I have to write and tell you, thank you for your video's. I am 43 getting ready to divorce my wife of almost 5 years. We do have I child 2 years and one from her previous relationship. I came to the conclusion after going over all the broken promises of things she would do, that she would never change. I started fighting back, not physically but started in basic terms calling her on her shit. Any how she decided to leave the relationship but remains under my roof because she says she can't find a place. Today I am packing a few belongings and I am not coming back tomorrow. I am going to put the house up for sale next week and let a lawyer help me sort out the details. I believe she has BPD, but regardless it has been very emotionally abusive on me for the last year and a half and for about 3 years total out of the marriage. This isn't the first time and I have to believe just like the last there is another person. Anyhow, I apologize about my long windedness, but thank you for all the good information it has helped me weather the storm.

Thank you so much for this video, Stephanie! It was as if you were talking about my story and what I’ve been going through. Every point you made, every advice you gave was so spot on. I was discarded by my ex narcissist but what you said at the end made me feel better which was that the fact that I was discarded means that I still kept a level of standard that the narc didn’t want to deal with. I still had some self respect and self preservation to not allow the narc to totally break me. It is unbelievable how I could have ignored all the red flags and thought it was ok to be with such a damaged and evil man for 7 yrs. This tells me that I was a damaged person myself…. so void of love inside that desperation drove me to be with such a dangerous man. Now I have realized that I must not only heal from this trauma but also from the wounds I have been carrying from childhood. It’s time to not dwell on why and how I was discarded by the narc but to channel my energy and time to become whole again and work on being a healthier person inside and out.

Hi Stephanie- I am duly impressed by and grateful for your wisdom and insights. You get it and you articulate it so well and so intelligently. I lost track of how many people love commented similarly AND wished they had received this guidance and feedback sooner. Too, how when looking back, you kick yourself for not seeing it sooner..... and kicking yourself again for struggling with why it is so difficult to break the disordered attachment, even post break-up, to such a toxic, unhealthy and quite literally evil, mean spirited individual. The heck of it is that I chose this person, and as such, I am not a victim. Rather, as you suggest, the real question, and in turn, work is what is my part in this dynamic, what is the lesson, and how/what do I need to do to heal myself, get heathy and ensure I not only recover, but figure out the how and why I was so vulnerable to this. Life has a nifty way of serving up the same lessons over and over again until it is learned. Regardless, thank you again for such compelling and articulate wisdom. Grateful I found your channel and super appreciative for your message. Andrew

Great video ~ perhaps get more specific re 'hoovering' - e.g. will text or call you w/o boundaries to -recondition you - e.g.. at 7:30 a.m. or 10:30 pm just to get a reaction - to keep connected ; They have short memories, and each day is a clean slate w/o remembering you have diplomatically asked them to respect your schedule - it's all about theirs. Violations of boundaries force a connection - usually this type of hoovering is more evident when Narcs get 'desperate' e.g. you have ignored them or held a non-reactive stance for a time (they notice a change in you which is unsettling to them). 'They' react by intensifying the hoovering. When it gets to the point of rediculous, then you know you are just baby steps away from having them out of your life altogether, as they cannot exist w/o the control. Hang in there !

Thank you for your videos, brings me clarity and hopes that it will end soon. Bless you

AMAZING VIDEO THANK YOU STEPHANIE

Best Video! Was so helpful! Thank you!🙏🏽 He couldn’t break me!

Stephanie - you are a delightful refreshing MATURE PERSON who - IF THEY LISTEN- will help many people!

You don't know how much of a help you've been to me in these past couple of days thank you so much for your videos I feel so much stronger because of them I really don't have anybody to talk to about my relationship issues I'm so glad I have you to listen to you've truly been a godsend

Yep. He called me to rub the new supply in my face. It was really awful. Wasn’t the girl he cheated with. It was ANOTHER girl. All within a month. It cut deep- but I didn’t react. I let him know I didn’t want to hear that. Gotta set those boundaries.

I just want to say that I am sorry for all of you for going through what you have gone through. I went through it myself recently with my ex gf of one year. I wish you all the best. Thank you Stephanie for the great video. It really eased my mind.

thank you so much, terrific insight and help !

Thank you so much for sharing your healing. All of the videos I’ve watched have helped me so much. Namaste 🙏

Wow. I literally went on a work trip for 3wks. I came home and saw text messages between my narc and his new supply telling each other how much they loved each other and how they wanted kids together. 3 wks. It’s really insane how narcs operate.

What a timely find! Thanks so much Stephanie....I was discarded today after 8 years of doubt/hope/doubt/hope and a year of rejection and hoovering, all the while being in and out of hospital with a heart condition and breast cancer treatment, I made it through- integrity intact. He dumped me over the phone while I lay here in hospital with angina -- from the golf course....a new low even for him!!! HELLO WORLD...IM BACK!

Love this. Thanks.

I know I'm late Stephanie Lyn but thank you soooo much for your teachings and coaching. This is helping me beyond words that I can say. I don't know why I'm just learning this now, but I'm grateful that I'm at least learning! I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist for 13 yrs on and off. What you've described is what I went through with him, but I'm glad that I cut ties with him and blocked him over 2 yrs ago. Now I know what to do and what to look out for 🙂 You are truly a blessing ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you!

So informative thanks for all u do

28 years of a Covert Narc relationship is in the middle of ending. Hardest thing ever. You are spot on with everything you say. Thanks a million for everything.

I'm following you from Egypt. All my friends here and some other Arab countries love you so much. Thanks a lot

absolutely love this

Admire this channel very much and Stephanie helps me understand what ive been ignorantly dealing with throughout my life. God bless.

You really are a wonderful 'teacher' Stephanie. I've just turned 62, really hurting from 18 yrs of abuse and nastiness where I ended up being stabbed. I got out but am still suffering the old 'she's not really that bad' & 'she didn't really mean to do it' phases and it hurts, it really hurts. Now I've found these vids it helps a huge amount so again, thank you x

I love this advice. Thank you.

Stephanie .. thx so much for this perfect video.. spot on for me and Really helpful.. i was hoovered this morning 2:40 am and i didnt even feel tempted 1 sec to answer:) BTW you have the most beautyful eyes:)

This is amazing! Thank you!

I sincerely love you! ❤ thank you for your insight and compassion. This really helped me.

these videos really do help me...I didn't kno what I was dealing with 13 yrs ago n it was hard....but now I do ...I'm letting go of all my fears of walking out with my 3 kids ....im not scared anymore ....all thanx to you.

This all the truth thank you for your wisdom ❤️❤️❤️

Looking real good in the video baby ! 💜💜💜 I love you sis. Thank you Lord for this woman. Amen

I like what you said at the end about being discarded is a good thing. I recently had this experience, with my mother discarding me after I refused to play along with her agenda, again, and it hurt so much. I had gone no contact for 4 years and then let her back in after my brother shamed me, basically telling me to get over it and grow up, when none of them even once took the time to put themselves in my shoes or what I'd been through as a result of their behavior, and it was a big mistake. I knew they would not have changed, but I felt shamed by him and warily let her in again...only to be shown that she hasn't changed at all...and they think I'M the narcissist and have been trying to convince me that it's me this whole time. Feeling discarded really hurts...especially when it is a parent. She has rejected me numerous times in my life, and this was the last straw. I won't let that happen again. I'm glad she did because now I don't have to deal with her crap ever again! I'm free, and I don't have to worry about it because now she knows that I'm not that little girl who fell for all her tricks, and his tricks, and I'm not so easily fooled as I once was, and I know who they are now and won't give into them. It's so sad that a mother would hold that attitude towards her own daughter..."if you don't do what I want then I can't be bothered with you and have no use for you...goodbye." How horrible! I went no contact as a way to protect myself...not to punish them. Now I'm the monster for all I'VE put THEM through by going no contact. YOu'd think if I'm the monster they wouldn't want me back??

I really appreciate this video thank you!

love it! love your videos.. you're awesome!

Knowledge is power

You describe what I went through to a tee- but i has to get a restraining order. Keep making your videos ! Looking forward to seeing one for teens !