The Hunger | ContraPoints 

casual reminder that there’s a hunger in your soul no pleasure of the flesh can satisfy

The pattern of the conservative lady being given the most time to talk and yet talks the most about being silenced is brilliant.

I don’t agree with Jackie politically, however getting drunk in the corner and making unhelpful comments is a mood and something I fully identify with

Is there a better summation of how people dismiss the struggles of addicts than "all I have to do is give up the one thing that makes my life feel worth living"? Perfection

"I will stay right here, and I will remind you every minute for hundreds of consecutive minutes, that your pain is optional." Nothing has ever so perfectly summarized my experience of addiction. Utterly love your writing.

“God created adam and eve, not adam and eve and kai and jaden and kaiden and lilith and ashton and skyler and.. rainbow.” Natalie writes better anti-trans jokes than the actual transphobes

Listening to Justine describe erotic love has the same effect as watching someone make the most delicious looking chocolate cake while you are currently in an apartment with only instant ramen and all the stores are closed.

God, rewatching Contra is always worthwhile. Seeing the ways in which Justine follows much the same path Virginia did. Virginia found a daddy to discipline her and assuage her shame and Justine found a mommy to give her comfort and affection. Both couldn’t find that connection in other relationships so they found another, easier source. One that helps but imprisons. One that robs them of themself.

I love how the only one of Virginia's confessions that makes Jackie gasp is gaining weight lmao

I'm a 50yo, cis, rural white guy so allow me to talk about one of the less important parts of this video. I remember movies from the 50's and 60's where having a actor on stage interacting with their self as a different character was the very height of movie magic. Studios were impressive if they pulled this off. The fact that a small group of really talented people can pull this off seamlessly and convincingly on a youtube channel kind of blows me away. Now back to liking the more important points and stories everyone else is making in these comments. This is such a nice community and Natalie Wynn is a fucking national treasure.

“The most persecuted minority in America… the Christian majority.” I am dead 😂😂😂

It struck me immediately that "Lucy"'s rhetoric was eerily similar to Virginia's. A sort of incessant preying on a sense of lack, insisting that you are not whole and can only be made so through what they're peddling. Both in an elaborate and sinister bid to claim your soul for their own gratification.

"you know, growing up i never really felt connected to my mother" - "GIRL, not this..." *i fucking cant. if you know you know*

Jackie only visibly reacting to "gained weight" among all of the other sins -- perfect

I just love that the statue from "Shame" is covered and placed behind the Christian lady. Highlighting her repressed feelings. Just the little things Natalie does.

"You got a guy? A semen guy?" "That's just most guys" The material is really tough in this video but the jokes are so well fucking done. As every topic gets darker the humour just gets better at balancing it all out. A big fan

“A five alarm lesbo cosplaying as a trad wife” absolutely SENT ME 😂😂

Using Eminem's face as Justine's pretransition photo is the most a RU-vid video has ever made me laugh

Virginia's rant about why she 'converted', silly as it is, actually made me realise for the first time why people cling to religion and 'traditional values' so much. Being part of a community, feeling accepted, having a ready-made set of values given by some perfect, irrefutable being... that must be so comforting. Especially if you're in pain. It's like this by design, I think - even if you don't believe, when you visit a church, the atmosphere and building itself just makes you feel so small, it inspires deferance and a need for belonging.

29:07 - What I really love about this bit where Justine pretends to be an interlocutor in a Socratic dialogue is that she's roasting BOTH Virginia and Plato. Plato as a follower of Socrates believed like his teacher that true enlightenment and philosophical progress comes from dialogue and hence why he structured all his work as conversations between Socrates and various randos from around Athens. You notice in the early dialogues that they were actual conversations, and Socrates' interlocutors would actually push back against him, raise their own points, and make their own arguments. More and more in Plato's later work, however, you notice he really just wants everyone to shut up and listen to Socrates (i.e., Plato's) ideas. However, Plato could never quite make himself get rid of the dialogue format altogether, so by the time you get to, like, The Republic, you'll have the "dialogue" consist in Socrates preaching for a page or two, and then you'll get a quick line thrown in by some stooge saying "Yes, it must be" or something before Socrates continues rambling. Justine using those responses cast such classicist shade against Virginia. Virginia said she wanted to try to reach Justine through reasoned dialogue, but she obviously, like the late Plato, just wanted to preach.

No matter how long we have to wait for the sequel, it will be worth it. I hope you're doing ok and know that you are loved by this community.

Virginia is so well-acted I actually became frustrated listening to her and had to remind myself it was a character.

Why is no one talking about this video being part 2 of the "Left"? Justine tried to be ice cold mthfckr, but failed. She tried to make marxism fashionable, but the editor twisted the meaning of her book. It is also a prelude to the "Witchtrail" video: it shows why Justine/Contra leave the center. Justine tried to be friends with both the left and the right (Tabby and Tiffany), but ended up estranged from both. This lore is so entartaining even though Im not american, I watch this videos to feel comfortable cause my life is fckd up and I need a light.

Justine's speech about erotic love actually does shut Virginia up for two minutes. It seems to touch her: her face softens when she looks at Justine. But then Justine follows it up by insulting Jackie and Virginia, Jackie takes offense and throws a little tantrum, Justine turns her focus to Jackie, and so Virginia has the time to suppress her feelings and respond from faith instead.

Jackie runs the BEST podcast. she’s bringing TRUTH to the masses. anyone denying this is part of the cancel culture sexual anarchists. let THAT sink in.

I like the fact that Justine isn’t trying to respond with the language Virginia uses because it will inevitably enable the Christian dialectic. Justine is trying to look beyond what is presented to her - the superficially enlightened woman. She sees Virginia for what she is in fact - a person addicted to being commanded

I'm a trans woman ex-catholic who's addicted to weed and afraid of getting addicted to worse drugs, so this video was way too goddamn real for me.

This is art. This is cinema. Natalie should’ve been nominated for awards for this

This isn't even a RU-vid video, this is straight up a short film about drugs and drug addiction. Natalie should absolutely consider just becoming a director if she can make something as unique as this within the confines of a BreadTube video essay.

I remember seeing a TED Talk, back when those were actually fairly reputable, about how addiction is as much about social dependency as it is chemical. The people most vulnerable to addiction are often very socially isolated, and feel like they have no one to share their burdens with. They feel fundamentally disconnected from society, and so seek to replace that connection with substances or self-destructive behavior. An alcoholic referring to the bottle as their best friend may be more right than even they realize. The comfort that the substance provides becomes a very real simulation of the comfort of another person, and it gets even more dangerous if the user finds themselves in a community of other addicts, as they find double-reinforcement of their desire for connection and community, both through the substance and the other users. The most effective way to treat addiction, therefore, is with community care and resocialization. We need to embrace people with addiction, and let them know that they are loved. It's no wonder that many people going through recovery find shelter in religion, but if anything I think that just proves that the secular world needs to embrace love and humanism more than ever. If the most loving and supportive community the average person can find is a pseudo-cannibalistic death cult, then what does that say about the rest of us?!

Last year when this came out my mom overheard me watching this and started a fight about how I’m obsessed with sexuality (?) (I’m queer), which ended with me crying. I never finished the video because it kept reminding me of the fight with my mom, but now I’m happy to say that I’m finally watching it to the end. Edit: I never expected this to get so many likes! It’s been a long time since that fight and I have a better relationship with my mom now. Now she more or less understands my sexuality and romantic preferences and doesn’t question them. It’s been a tough journey, but I’m doing well now :)

I love how contra calls out how melodramatic overtly religious bigots can be, because damn a break up and gospel music really isn't that deep 💀

And once again, Natalie's strawman conservative is far more eloquent than any real conservative I've met lol

I forgot how intoxicating self-flagellation can be. You've really cracked into what makes fashy evangelicals tick, how they're obsessed with their own pain and self denial and talk themselves into believing that their particular form of hatred is actually loving. It's really self reinforcing.

I feel like you really beautifully captured what draws so many self loathing and traumatized people to the opium of religion. It makes people feel safe mostly from themselves. On the other side of the coin, you illustrate what draws people to the comforting arms of drug addiction. How even if you accept the things in yourself that others might shame you for, it doesn’t complete you in itself.

"It's just a simple matter of giving up the only thing that makes me feel like life is worth living" is such a good summary of addiction

I know she's only comic relief, but Jackie as a character is so fascinating. Her childish view of freedom that somehow coexist with her desire for a political strongman to take control, her deep incuriosity and lack of stakes and values coupled with neurotic fear of anything foreign. So compelling. She may be very satirized and comical (and inspired by real life figures 😉), but mannn I would pay to witness a deep dive to Jackie's "hunger" the way this video is for Justine!

I think the most spot on remark on addiction made here is the feeling you get when you deny yourself the relief of a substance. It really feels like you are choosing pain, which makes you accountable for your own sadness in that moment. Even popping a pill that takes 30 mins to kick in gives you instant relief, because it calms the anxiety and the fear of the feeling that tells you your pain will go on untreated. It's like your brain tricking you that abusing a substance is self care, when the grim reality of sobriety is so cruel.

after the new twilight video, the roots of the idea of "yearning" "craving" and religious zeal are very much here. crazy that this poetic masterpiece laid the foundation for a 3 hour Stephenie Meyer analysis which is also somehow... a poetic masterpiece?

When this first came out I was deep in my alcoholism. I didn’t fully understand this video or myself. Now 6 months into recovery and it makes so much more sense. Thank you ❤

I really like how Luci describes Void in the same way that Virginia describes God’s love. Also how Luci becomes Mommy once she gives the first dose, as God becomes the Father. You have to submit to it to get away from yourself.

"A bunch of wounded people wounding each other." That's really spot on. Sometimes I really feel that it's the same on Native Twitter and other online indigenous communities. A bunch of oppressed, traumatized people just fighting for scraps amoungst ourselves instead of fighting against the forces that have crushed us.

This one hit a little too close to home. I actually cried at the end. I hope Justine can overcome The Void.

Ok but can we talk about Natalie’s beautiful piano playing? As a newly minted ~doctor in piano performance~, I am in absolute awe. Obviously, everything else in the video was outstanding and meaningful and gave me a new understanding of life, but the piano playing is really not to be overlooked!

Virginia saying "I used to be a lesbian with gender confusion who took testosterone" and telling a trans lesbian "you're a straight man, you could've had it all!" is just . . . *mwah*

"You know what your saying is indefensible so you defend your 'right' to say it." God damn it I love this

Listening to Jackie talk about freedom and war on drugs, I realized how ironic it is that a country which prides itself on being the "land of the free" has one of the biggest prison populations in the world.

God, I really cried when she took the “void”. I wish I didn’t need it, I wish I wasn’t so sad and scared without it

As a Sagittarius I did not enjoy being cancel cultured in this essay. But the steamed hams reference has pacified me.

The comedic timing of Jackie gasping after Virginia's "I gained weight." Just incredible, ingenious.

"And with or without *your* approval and understanding, I will always be the way I am." This is the moment you realize the debate is all in Justine's head. It's not real. She's imagining a conversation with Denise.

I watch this like almost every night, I’m starting to memorize this whole thing. This is probably one of my favorite videos on the internet. There’s so much time and effort put into this I love the crystals and masks. The makeup and costumes. Everything. I really wish I could do stuff like this in my future. It’s just so cool. Definitely one of my favorite videos. You balance it being dark and philosophical with very light humour and it all pans out so well

“You just know that what you’re saying is indefensible, so you defend your ‘right’ to say it” - that is a beautifully concise take down of the whole nonsense. I will use that!

I was just contemplating my romantic and sexual failures - I’m a 28-years old gay man without a single day of serious relationships with anyone, lonely, sometimes childish and projecting. And I was just thinking - maybe, MAYBE I should just throw in a towel on my gayness and become a straight guy, find a girl and get married. And then our Dark Goddess-Mother Natalie relentlessly and MERCILESSLY dropped this Virginia Lamm character on me. SPECIFICALLY the lines “You’ve amputated a half of your own soul” and something about not being strong and grown up enough to endure rejection hit me pretty hard. So… here I am. 28, gay as a rainbow, lonely etc and basically staring at a possible future of mine as a homophobic “ex-gay” (because, OF COURSE, there are no bigger homophobes than “ex-LGBTQ” people). And I don’t wanna be that. I’d prefer to be a lonely gay guy never EVER approached by anyone who wants to “traverse the void to reunite with his other half” than to become this self-hating close-minded self-deceiving bigot. Thank you Natalie, for setting my head… gay. Edit: some grammar mistakes, English is not my native language

Sometimes I still can't believe you give us this kind of cinematic shit for free. I was about to beg you to come back to us, dark mother, but after rewatching a whole bunch of your masterpieces I'm gonna bow my head and wait patiently for your second coming

I hope you're okay, Natalie. Whatever's going on in your life, please know that you have a community who cares about you. That might be a weird response to the deserved call-out for the queer left shitting all over each other, but now is as good a time as any to start being better at supporting our own.

As a recovering heroin addict, I just want to thank you for this incredible depiction of what it's like to want nothing more than to make the pain stop. I'm not sure what it is that you might be going through, but your art has gotten me through some really dark times. Wishing you well, beautiful.

I don’t even know if you’ll read this, Natalie, but this is exactly what I’ve experienced as a result of being a queer trans student on a religious college campus. A person like Virginia was invited to our campus to talk to us, and I didn’t know what to do. I was super upset and I don’t know what to do with my own religious faith because of the way people have used the words of this faith against me. Thank you so much for giving me a way to explain the way I’m treated to my parents and friends.

17:55 I love how she only gasps once gaining weight is mentioned rly nice subtle detail :)

I can’t believe Natalie can talk in the exact same voice pitch and still sound like completely different characters

Nothing a few corndogs can't solve

"I don't think God leads people to podcasts." That has to be one of the funniest & equally profound lines ever written.

I love how your characters have evolved over the years, changing as the political and social environment changes, but still making them feel like the same people. It's really interesting to piece together all the different parts of their story, like how Justine used to be much more feminine (in the way she dressed) and now doesn't care as much. Or the detail of how Justine came out as a lesbian to Tiffany Tumbles and was hitting on Tabby in previous vids with those characters, and here we see that they had been together and then broke up. But one thing I thought was especially interesting was the development of Jackie and how the centrist position has changed and the conflicting views that they hold.

The self-righteous, self-centered, stubbornly hateful rhetoric Virginia uses throughout this video was so immensely frustrating that I nearly couldn't finish it. That's a testament to Natalie's awareness and writing.

jackie going from the keg beer, to the starbucks, to the red bull, and the doritos- not being able to quell her addiction to unhealthy substances is so hilarious as the serious debate goes on in front of her.

“If God exists, im sure His mind is bigger than yours and with or without your approval, I will always be who I am.” This hits hard and I cried a little ngl. Great video Natalie. ❤️

Jackie is the most accurate Dave Rubin impersonation I've seen to date.

Rewatching this, Virginia’s whole “I love the Lord, who does not command me to be straight, but to be holy” hit me way harder than previous watches. One of the few queer Christian people I knew when I was coming of age and still Christian believed this. No clue what happened to her, but I hope she’s doing okay

I find it so interesting how Virginia and Justine's stories mirror each other, and how each of them simply went down a different path to cope with the hand that they were dealt. Virginia buried her sexuality with celibacy and fully removed her self-image from that of her body to cope with dysphoria. Justine embraces her gender and sexuality and fights for them to be recognized. I found it interesting how both characters had similar struggles yet because of their paths see things differently. Virginia gave up her identity for the sake of community and expects others to do the same while Justine prioritized her identity over being in a community and thinks that not doing so is suppressing herself. Both of them have what the other lacks and both feel a sense of yearning because of it. The God vs Devil dichotomy is interesting given that people go to either for the same reasons. People seek out higher powers as a source of comfort, either through scripture or substance. Virginia speaks about how one must exist outside of the flesh to avoid temptation, this while seeming off-topic about drug use is actually a direct result of it. Substance use is not a way to indulge in the flesh rather it is often used to remove oneself from it. Justine uses void to mute the senses rather than to indulge in them (presumably compared to hype) which is exactly what Virginia uses religion for, while her addiction is not carnal it still could become an addiction nonetheless. I love your videos!! They're always steeped in so much meaning and artistic value, I can't wait to see what you do next!

Im turning 30 in a few hours. The last few years have been dark. You have been one of the people who helped me get my life back. Thank you Natalie. Watching a contrapoints video is a great birthday present. Stay healthy and happy.

GOD I love this. Like it’s not just the dialogue. The body language of each character is so distinct. It’s just SO well done. Natalie doesn’t just set up caricatures to knock them down. They’re annoying in a real way and well-rounded in a real way. (And totally dumb in varying degrees in a real way 😂.)

Can we all just take a moment to appreciate just how legendary Natalie's storytelling is?? Justines been a longtime character and we really get to see how shes grown from the very beginning. Her own journey of learning and growing. It makes me hope we see her again despite the end of This video. Oh- and don't think I didn't notice the little music bit from "The Aesthetic" play when Justine said "What you people really love is the Aesthetic of being compassionate" That is SUCH a neat detail. I am utterly invested in the contrapoints cinematic universe holy fuuuuckkk

Thank you for addressing the self-perpetuating ever present and ever given out hurt in the LGBTQI+ community. It does things to a person. Hopefully bringing attention to it can help. At least somebody. At least a little bit.

As a young trans person your videos and a lot of the dog whistles used in this video are something I live with everyday and it's so helpful to hear you discuss it and remind me i am not insane for fighting transphobia

The fact that I feel like arguing with Virginia just shows how good Natalie is at acting, and especially presenting the argument from the side she clearly doesnt agree with in a way that convincingly seems like the character is a real person without making them seem like a disrespectful caracature. Also, I'm proud of you for healing from your substance abuse, Natalie. Please stay strong, girl.

rewatching and honestly jackie's, "we all have our little delusions. the important thing is that we cling to them" feels like a major cope on her part

“Or worse, Episcopalians” is a very old-timey punchline. Very good.

Even though this video is about drugs on one level, I feel on a deeper level, it is about loneliness. Justine and Virginia are both alone, even if Justine admits the important truths about herself while V denies them at this point in her life. So it turns out, drugs and this all-encompassing type of belief serve the same purpose for them: to escape the reality they know but can't accept... and it is not their identities that make it unbearable. It's the heartbreak and the loneliness.

- “What was she, a Capricorn?” - “No, a Sagittarius.” - “Well, there’s your problem. Maybe next time try a water sign.” 19:24 I’m dying. You killed me, and now I’m dead. 💀💀💀

The void skit hit hard lol any time I feel really terrible I always think about jumping back into uh... what's that stuff they do in Vancouver again 🤔... heroin 😂 been sober for over 2 years now tho.

10 years ago, I would have been upset by the strawmanning of Christianity, but nowadays, that's just an accurate read of everything American christian leaders are saying (just condensed down for comedy's sake). Also "you know what you're saying is indefensible, so instead you defend your right to say it" is a GOD TIER breakdown.

The part about many Christians being more concerned with the "compassion aesthetic" than genuine compassion couldn't be more true, especially among the "hate the sin, love the sinner" crowd.

A year later and I'm still catching things I never noticed before. Like at 19:28 where Virginia is saying how she felt at her lowest - and it shows her in the different seats of the characters. Justine: alone, Jackie: an addict, and Virginia: lost. It's like a subtle revealing of each character's Achilles heel, and how they've found themselves on the path they are on. A lot of these little symbolisms are so easy to miss but noticing it really makes you appreciate how much thought and creative detail she put into this ❤ Edit: Loneliness, Addiction, Being Lost - All these things could be seen as, well... The Hunger! So cool that towards the end of the debate Justine and Virginia acknowledge that "we all feel the hunger" and that they actually do deeply relate to each other because of these empty holes in their lives. There are moments that they come so close to actual compassion and understanding of each other, like when Justine talls about love. But it's like their own pride, self-loathing, and wounds from their upbringing, repels them away from a genuine moment of empathy and care for one another. As one of the many queer people with Christian upbringing trauma, this video has helped so so much in unpacking my experience. And the realizations I've had through watching these characters really speaks to how complex they are - beyond just simple parodies that most people fall into doing. It's really inspiring honestly.

I've watched and rewatched this video dozens of times since it came out, and I only just noticed that the HTGN "coming up next" screen lays out the three acts of this video, with discussions of the world, then the flesh, and then the introduction of the devil, each twenty minutes in.

All jokes aside (I commented “yes mommy”), being a queer teacher in the Deep South, I resonate a lot with this. Especially that I teach my seniors Sappho as part of my ancient lit unit, I’ve had a few parents call me groomer because small town america and evangelism decided that’s what teachers are now. Your videos have always added a sense of belonging to me, and your old videos even made me decide to choose to work instead of pursuing a PhD. Thank you for all you do ❤️

It really says something when the parody is indistinguishable from the actual thing. An interesting detail with Virginia is just how meek and feminine she will sound until it comes to describing sin. When it comes to vocalising the cesspit inside that eats at her shell, and turns that self loathing outwards to bigotry and hatred of others. Especially those that reflect most the things that bring that shame and loathing. She calls it righteous fervour but the venom drips from every syllable. Honestly it was a very interesting video and the minute details not just in the costumes, set design, and lighting but in each character was exquisite. Also lesbians. I'm all for all the sapphic deliciousness.

For someone whose pain is both mental and physical where existence is so torturous that fainting from exhaustion is as close to a positive outcome as one can get, that *temptation* feels like it's hardly even a choice. Especially not when every healthcare provider asserts it as your sole option for effective "treatment" while chasing elusive diagnoses. After a decade of no answers, more pain, less ability, and a longer Rx list, sometimes Lucys are all I can see in every sympathetic face.

24:35 One can clearly see Virginia understands; better yet, she too WANTS what Justine is expressing, desperately so. But she can't. She must reject all of that, she must turn her cheek, because the community she is apart of denounces it.

"I'm sorry, I didn't prepare to have a debate about neoplatonism with a five-alarm lesbo cosplaying as a trad-wife." OH FUCK this is so fucking good

This depiction of opiate addiction is so spot on its almost difficult to watch. Everything from that initial conversation with satan that got her hooked to the “Five drops to take the edge off” to it becoming the only thing that makes life feel worth living. You went above and beyond Natalie and I hope you understand that this episode has made so many people feel seen in that addiction is as much a product of the world around us as it is the drug itself, especially within the queer community. You got me crying towards the end there. Excellent work as always.

That look on Virginia's face when Justine talks about being one w/ yourself....she looks longing, heartbroken, like she desperately wants to believe Justine, but she's too close-'minded, scandalized, and fearful. Virginia is not one w/ herself, and that breaks my heart. Phenomenal acting Natalie. ❤

I just rewatched this for maybe the millionth time and I felt an overwhelming urge to express how much I hope you are doing well Natalie.

18:20 Playing Scheherazade when she says "God has healed the feminine in me" was a nice touch as it calls upon how Scheherazade told hundreds of stories in an attempt to preserve her life in a similar way to how Virginia tells herself all these stories to maintain her worldview (which for her, is her life).

"It's just a simple matter of giving up the only thing that makes me that life worth living... how hard can that be?" Is almost exactly what I told myself when I quit. As an addict, I identified with this video a lot. Especially entering AA/NA as an atheist. Great content!

thank you for suckering me into accidentally watching an artistic and philosophical masterpiece that made me engage with uncomfortable topics. An unexpected improvement to my mind and person, while I was literally just looking for some light entertainment to put up in the background. Just gotta love the internet, with creators like you on it.

"Anti-fungal hedgehog medication". OMG, that's why I love this channel.

Justine describes Virgina as "boring", but her speeches are far from it. I found the over the top religious ramblings so evocative and aesthetically powerful, I can see how someone could become completely convinced. It really scratches that cosmic horror itch, that strange desire for things much larger than life. It's a bit like when you have a toothache and for some strange reason press your tongue against it, making the pain worse: to turn your shame into something of epic proportions is oddly empowering, as is total, voluntary submission to cosmic machinations. Even tho she doesn't see it, I think her sense of shame is a lot like Virginia's, and her Void a lot like a spiritual rapture. Thanks for making yet another wonderfully painful, soul-piercing piece, Natalie! I wish you all the best

This was a difficult watch on so many levels, but masterfully done. The twisted religious arguments, the "I don't care so long as I can indulge myself" right-wing libertarians, the harried center-left "I can get through to these people! wait, oh no" academic who can't get two words in before they're twisted into the host's hostile framing of the issue... It shows how cartoonish the "debate" sphere really is. Jennifer's religious rhetoric is exactly as insidious as what real adherents use, both the "I'm just being reasonable"-to-nonsense gish-gallop and the talking in endless circles to avoid answering the question (note: she never did answer anything - even nonsexual like "opening jars" - she actually likes about men, just waxed on about religious exctasy like a 17th century nun describing a tryst with a fellow nun). The podcast segment clearly illustrated how this format is insidious in creating confusion and "gotcha" moments for entertainment rather than clarifying even one perspective. I also appreciated how the segment after the podcast shows how people who are publicly at-least-trying to show up for reason and actual-liberty (as opposed to flag-waving increasingly-open-fascism) might present a stoic face and snappy comebacks in the moment but still be rocked internally by the assaults (and the hundred other things any of us are navigating at any given moment). And in those moments (eons) of isolation, doubt, and pain we can choose relief that brings its own sorrows. Especially when some forms (alcohol, religious zealotry, weed, other drugs) are encouraged in our social/cultural groups. Looking forward to how the open ending here is picked up in part 2. I'm sure Contra has a lot more to say.

Having just watched this again is kind of insane because i remember watching this the day it came out. I experienced 50:48 to a tea. After a several day bender getting crossfaded on whatever bag was handed to me, i slept for several days straight, missed all classes for a week, threw up everything i tried to eat, and lay in bed when i wasn’t hurling. every bone in my body hurt. I just remember thinking the entire time that i never wanted to feel like that again. And sure enough two weeks later i forgot all about the hurt and just wanted my brain to shut up. Im now sober from booze, nic and ❄️ but its a truely insane experience to think back to when this was a fanciful fiction, to where i can appreciate this for how effectively it captures everything… and to think about how quickly you can go downhill. I dont follow natilie outside RU-vid so dont know much about her 💊 experience, but its something hard to empathise with until you’ve been there

I feel like the to be continued at the end has finally been completed now that ‘Twilight’ is out