The KEY to UNDERSTANDING people: the carrot and the stick 

Most of the popular metrics people use to understand others -- attachment styles, Myers-Briggs, love languages -- are functionally useless for predicting behavior. The key to understanding others lies in appreciating the incentives under which they are operating: the carrot and the stick. Keep in mind that, in order to be motivating, these incentives don't actually have to exist in reality: they need only exist in their perceptions. In this episode, I discuss some of the ramifications of these observations. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-WrXBzQ2HDEQ.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ru-vid.com/show-UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #personality #wisdom

Hey Dr. O, this is a guy currently in Bumfuck, India, that's thanking you with what I can afford, in a disastrous currency thats taking a whooping against the dollar, because i just want to say... Thank you.

As a reformed people-pleaser, I agree 100% with Dr. Taraban; I just wish I had known this earlier in life.

"If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle." -- Sun Tzu, The Art of War Hold a contract to their head and make them do it. Well done. Discovering the internal sticks and carrots can be difficult.

A literal goldmine you are. Would love a more practical example of how we can apply this in real life situations, like a case studie of some sorts, comments are always welcome! Have a great weekend all ❤

Living an average life style shouldn't be considered a severe punishment but thanks to social media, it is to guess which gender.

i was just thinking about this yesterday. it's important to listen actively to what people are saying and then think about why they might be saying it or acting the way they are

Possibly my favorite channel on RU-vid currently.

It's absolutely true that carrots and sticks are often subjective, and they can vary a lot from person to person. But isn't it possible that certain psychological frameworks (like the Big Five personality traits) could help us gauge how likely a person is to respond strongly to a certain carrot or stick? It seems like the carrot-and-stick idea and the psychological frameworks wouldn't necessarily be in conflict with each other.

You speak with authority and logic. Just two of the reasons why I watch you and respect your content.

Im 34, married 10+ years. We have 2 kids and loce each other deeply. Those metrics are all helpful when used together to understand our partners. Men and women think differently and miscommunications are a huge burden on marriage. Understanding my husband is ISTP and im INFP, really helps us give each other space and freedom to accept one another and not try to force the other to change. We accept each others God given natures, but we needed help to figure out how to navigate our differences. Your advice is an added layer of helpfulness but that alone isnt going to keep a marriage for a lifetime. Thats just behaviorism, there is more to connection than "psychology" its MANY LAYERS DEEP.

1st psychologist I have ever seen that states love language is BS!

This makes a lot of sense, I really like this episode. Can you expand on this concept further do an episode on how to figure out the carrot and stick incentives that matter to people?

I understand your analogy with the carrot and the stick; the incentive and the punishment. However, I've learned that there are three ways in which to control other people's behavior: 1. Incentives (carrot) 2. Emotions 3. Force (stick) Emotions can be a powerful form of control, and can include virtually all emotions, including: 1. Hatred (you ignite hatred in someone about something and they are likely to do something they wouldn't do otherwise) 2. Shame (shameful people are likely to withdraw and forfeit multiple activities) 3. Honor/virtue/etc (people are likely to do things if you convince them that such is the "right" way, the "virtuose" way)

Dr.Taraban you’ve come at the right time for us.

Dr. Orion Taraban is a true gift! Thank you and Happy Holidays.

Its pretty easy to understand people. Everyone's full of shit, just identify their motives & you can cut through the bullshit.

Any time you are ready to start doing long form talks, I’m ready to pay for them. Love your insights.

A LOT of wisdom in this video, as always, Thanks for sharing all these videos for free

You just helped me get started on putting some finishing touches on somethings. Big appreciation, which is why I'm commenting cause that's about all I can do to support this big dawg wisdom.

Eye-opening perspective. Thank you!

This is an awesome talk. Very insightful.

I will always be impressed by this gentleman.

Awesome episode! Thank you for what you do!!

This is one of the most PRACTICAL videos I have watched, thank you.

Love how you boil things down to easy to understand concepts... in a hard to understand, seemingly inconsistent and confusing field of study (human behavior). You bring such clarity.

I have been working on detachment and find myself farrr less anxiuos. Thank you for the lesson.

Very usefull video. The way Dr. Taraban describes psycholgy is amazing!

It makes sense. My life experience so far teaches me that most people don’t care to act and they’d rather destroy the relationship. Taking for granted is very common. You spoke about it already.

I found you're yt channel out yesterday and your videos are insightful, as a 20 yr old guy. This seems to be better source of information than those diluted online videos on men and women and relationship dynamics.

Thank you. You made me realize that I am the perfect carrot for my person of interests present and intermediate future. Now we need to check our personal compatibility.

I think your point about incentives and punishment driving behavior is excellent but I've personally found BOTH MBTI and Love Languages phenomenally useful in understanding people and women I date

I'm very much appreciating this content. Not only it is useful in relationships of love. But it's very important, normal relationships with colleges, neighbours and friends. Thank you

Daammn! This goes hard! I’m so glad I subscribed to this channel🔥🔥

You’re outstanding. Thank you ✊

Am so glad you raised this topic Orion. Admittedly I personally like the Meyers-Briggs Personality Profiling as a Framework for filtering. Being an INFJ, Intuition and gut instinct is almost 99.9% accurate for me, however I do concede that the MB Framework may not be everybody's cup of tea... it is used widely today in job selection. I believe the system has merit. P. S. : I Love your channel... whether you know this or not... by helping men back to their Devine Masculine, you are allowing women to step back into their Devine Femininity.😊

Great video! I laughed almost the entire time. I never knew it but, i guess i spent all this time working out my own carrots and sticks, realizing that others do the most to try and figure out what they are. I suppose that ive landed on the ethics part of the situation and practical application. The thumbnail is righteous illustration because how you piece together the notes generally LOOKS crazy...

As always, great insights.

Excellent discussion

Great topic! Please expand in future videos!

I can't wait for your book!! Please let us know soon as it's out. I will be getting it right away! *y'all he mentioned this on a recent show with FnF 😊

The incentives concept and the personality frameworks like MBTI complement each other. I find the MBTI theory extremely helpful in predicting my own and others behaviour, and to understand what makes people tick. Knowing someone’s MBTI type definitely helps with finding their strengths or what they like, and their blind spots or their fears.

Your video is so amazing. Keep it up and you will do GREAT

Thanks Orion

I'm not sure if your name sounds like a hyperspace lane or the frequency that's sets minds up to understand how other people work, but you're on point consistently and without the nonsense modern psychology has adopted in fear of their own carrot/stick decision. I jest as someone who gave his kids 800 years old names, so your parents have to be cool. I'm much more well versed in the oddities of human interactions and reactions, but you manage to repeatedly put observations I've made into words. Thank you.

I think the myers briggs is useful to understand oneself. Helped me understand that being creative is more important than to keep trying to push my creativity aside to fit in to society. And it's been true since I've made creativity a priority and stopped trying do what other people do well naturally to keep up with them. I now carve my own path in my skill set. Mbti helped me there.

Thanks from Austria! Great content!

Fantastic insight. Yes, it fits with my experience. :)

This man doesn’t miss!

Brilliant rundown. One must ask what in your opinion is the best way to find out someone's sticks & carrot. The 1st thought is to ask questions, but the subject may not even know it themselves because most people live in a personal reality and not true. Questioning them may work but also may not. Maybe a mixture of questions and observations but the latter takes longer.

Yes, incentives and motivations are the best predictor. It tells you WHY people do what they do. People do things for a payoff. You may not UNDERSTAND what they consider a payoff, but that is irrelevant to understanding their motivation and incentive.

When you have been hurt narcissists and healing and seeing reality then Dr Taraban gives the absolute truth, I was chasing the carrot to avoid pain...but only pain comes more and more.❤

Honestly im using this more introspectively. Like when you say how people tend to imagine carrots and sticks that dont exist in reality. Although i feel confident in my ability to be realistic, i think paying more attention to where my ideas of sticks comes from can help with my anxiety issues i deal with day to day. Ive always had success "logic-ing" my way out of mental ruts, and this is a very useful tool for such endeavors!

Thank you Orion

In gambling, I ALWAYS remember the many of losses over the few wins. (I live in Vegas, so I sometimes put a twenty in a machine at a grocery store. )

Yes, right there at 3:53 -- "Human Action" -- the distillate of Ludvig von Mises book by the same name. Individuals (Human Beings) work toward their own individual benefit -- each of their Human Actions is performed as a means to avoid pain (or discomfort) Or to seek pleasure (comfort)... actions are often cumulative in terms of manifesting a meta-goal such that a measure of discomfort is party to a larger pleasure (achievement). Climbing a mountain (literally) is just one example of this paradigm. If the goal's measure of value is diminished, then the amount of discomfort accomodated will decrease to the point of recognizing a Critical Point -- find a new goal, change directions, invest resources accordingly.

Mind blowing,orion :)

this dude is elite, every video he makes is a goldmine basically

Nice mid century setup Doc 😉

“You’re really only limited by the punitive function of society and your own conscience” 🤣🤣

Please elaborate further or give examples of both carrots and sticks in another video! Great content!

Good stuff Doc.

MBTI helped me immensely in choosing a partner in my culture. Lol! True! You always have to consider their environment & values.

I've long said that fear of loss, in the stock market, is 4x the motivator versus greed (opportunity for gain). This is why so many sell at the bottom, when pain is greatest, completely missing the fact that this is also when opportunity is actually greatest. I was off by only a fraction in my calculation.

Great video

Sun in Leo 🤣 I love you Doc! This is gold

Listening to people like Dr David Buss and The Lead Attorney, both seem to agree a very important personality trait in the wife is calmness, peacefulness, patience, tolerance to stress, emotional stability, agreeableness. If your wife is aggressive, bossy, combative, disagreeable you will end up in a high conflict divorce.

In a Post-Apocalyptic world, I'll be using this to RULE and RECRUIT my Gang of Looters ... and I'll have an actual Stick that I will nickname "Carrot"

I was right this kind of skill i really need to sharpen... I was reading books about this "understanding people." Also I found a psychologist channel hahahaha im so happy to have you sir. You look like tinker in dota 2 too, he is smart like you❤

Heck yeah. Been a kind person, but not really a nice guy. Gets me into trouble with my narcissistic younger violent alcoholic brother. On an island in the middle of the ocean so I can’t escape, so I go no contact/ as I have aged I feel like Bartleby the scrivener, I would prefer not to, so I stay in my lane and seek out people who are purpose driven towards life and less victim driven. Also appreciate people who don’t choose the red or blue pill, I prefer the third pill, the choice not to choose. Choice is so convoluted these days. Anyway, you are a cool dude, appreciated your Mark interview. Next level intellectual rambling you can do, love it. I definitely can’t afford to talk to you, but if I could, I would. Funny how money is the best incentive for most carbon units these days. I find incentives in the now and maybe one day living under a bridge cause I just couldn’t get into society and it’s group psyche. Resisting anyway. ❤😂🤙

Fascinating

Thanks!

holy shit! that was awesome. i never thought about it that way!

That's a powerful framework...

wow, this was gold

Love your channel bro

amazing

Unfortunately, the problem with incentives is that not many people really react to incentives as much as we think they do. Heck, even I procrastinate constantly and even when in my best interest would be to get myself to really focus on my work for couple of days. I am also regularly putting off making important decisions or actions even when I know in my best interest is to do them quickly. So incentives is something that is good to understand but we also have to understand that many people behave irrationally or contrary to their own interests and they are frequently aware of the fact that they are hurting themselves with their own actions -- and still can't do much about it. Some people I know can act according to their incentives and just this is enough to get them to be wildly successful. Yes, just not sabotaging yourself is enough to be very successful person.

This is awsome

I’ve thought this for a long time.

The best!

Your content is all well and good and would probably improve my life if my mind could stop wandering away to your late fifties style teak furniture background room

Now I'm in the mood to snack on some carrot sticks

This is a FANTASTIC episode. Could you do a more detailed follow up episode on how to determine what peoples carrots and sticks are?

Will you please make a video of examples of psychological carrots and sticks. I beleive that would add some great clarity as to how people interact with each other. How can carrots and sticks be used properly. Such a great topic "Corrots and sticks."

I would like a further, more in depth talk about this topic in future if it's possible.

Groovy

Great videos............would you expand it to people over 65 ............espically widowers ,........as we have different issues

The Dr. Does it again

Thanks

I try to understand people, so I can more easily see when they are trying to manipulate me. I'm not looking for anything from them.

Ur doing quite well w/ ur channel👍I've learned over time that manipulating people to get what u want does not work,, at least it's been my experience, I can only speak for myself. To me God is my provider He may use other people but ultimately I look to God and God only. One can't force their way upon people u can only ask, and if they don't then fine move on to someone who will that's the way I look at it, thx for the content good job!

Dr. Taraban, this was a great breakdown. I don’t think most people could handle the true rawness that would be uncovered by this approach. Would it not take a level of self awareness to understand and accept what motivates others? Psychology is a field of study on how the mind works, why do people do what they do. The biggest motivating factor for relationships today would be consistent sex and companionship with one person. Why, because the amount of effort it takes to deal with multiple or you might not have access to a lot of, people. Risk of stds and just not wanting to deal with multiple romantically. I guess now I need to understand why people refuse to acknowledge and accept sex and companionship are the driving factors as to why people want to be in relationships. Why make up things such as love. Hmmm, very interesting.

Edit this: although I like most of your contributions, I must say this one really disappointed me. I am a coach and know how personality types can help people see their own filters, as well as the filters of others. Of course filters are not all what count, but in a Family setting or office relationship, it really helps.

“A glorified horoscope” I’ve never laughed so hard at something so undeniably true

Thank you! Yes! I've been talking about that for years. I'm a game designer and the way I define games is "systems of incentives toward a goal" and people always bash me on the head when I say "everything regarding living being, especially humans, especially as enomonic agents(agents that transact value through rearranging resources) IS A GAME" GOD I finally feel understood. Love your videos, espwcially the way you abstract relationships as mediums which value is exchanged. Could you recommend some research resources so I can increase my baggage?

“When value is clear, decisions are easy.”

Totally agree with you. How can I develop the skills to see the unique combinations of sticks and carrots for each individual and apply it to my relationships?

i think youre exactly correct

using carrot and sticks are fine and as you pointed out finding out what is a carrot and what is a stick to every individual is extremely variable. now this is where I think other frameworks come in, carrot and sticks! yes I agree, so what framework would you use to know whether something is a stick or a carrot for a particular individual, if you decided to use trial and error on every human on the planet there would be a lot of variance but some people would still fall closer to some than others. then you would have created your own framework. For example a person's father passes away, some people would like to be constantly around other people while some would like to be alone, and just like that a category has been created. as you said most people are not special and we all know someone in our lives who behaves very similarly to someone else that we are also close to. I simply would not recommend going trial and error with every single person in our lives, even if that's what most people do, understanding them a little before hand will definitely be more effective in getting what one wants in almost all scenarios. As someone with a Ph.D in psychology i would to clarify if you think all the research on personality types (Big five and MBTI) was a waste of time and it is not really useful?