so disappointing to see you take them as a sponsor, when they are literally a scam and have been exposed as dangerous as they don't offer actual therapists as help and so many people have spoken out, but youtubers continue to take them as sponsors. Like how can you talk about these important things, but pull this crap.
Misery loves company. I used to be one of them. I wanted my friends to be in the same worthless place as me and when they moved up I hated on them. I learned how insecure i was and worked on it. I'm much better now
@@dericmederos1514 I find myself here too, even if I don't recognize myself in this situation. I mean I feel it external to me, as if I can't believe it. I would like to know how to work on this. I do, but I would like to be more sure that I will free myself☹
Same whereas I've got tears of joy in my eyes BC I'm so proud that someone I know is doing so well. Makes me inspired to keep going after my own goals ❤
I used to be good friends with very beautiful girls but I was on the lower spectrum of attractiveness. Whenever we went out, they always got the attention from different kinds of people, not just guys and they were treated a lot better because of how pretty they were. At first, it didn’t bother me at all because I loved my friends. But then, something in me switched. The people who usually approached my friends would treat me like an absolute nobody. There were times I’d smile at people and try and say hello and they’d ignore me and wave at my pretty friends instead. There were times we’d go to clubs and guys would stand in front of me and start talking to my friend (nothing wrong with this but it’s always polite to at least acknowledge someone before proceeding to talk to the person they were talking to). There’s so many examples I can give. It slowly started to become disheartening for me and eventually, my self esteem started to depreciate. I started hating the person I became whenever I’d go out with my friends because I’d started to get jealous. I am in no way trying to say that I am in the right but the point I’m trying to make is that the way people treat you as the conventionally unattractive friend can sometimes lead to you not feeling good about yourself. I worked on my self esteem but I had to draw back a little and go out on my own more. I’m still friends with my attractive friends and I love them all so much.
Thank you for sharing ❤. It's great you accurately pin pointed that it was those people who put your self esteem down and not your friends. Your friends sound like good people ❤. My friends treated me like crap because I was the ugly friend. They never helped me with my confidence and left me out a lot.
Hi ❤ Your comment sounds like you are a caring friend, because you acknowledged this shift in your friendship with those girls. Don’t let other people determine how you feel about your appearance. If you feel invisible sometimes compared to your other friends, maybe try to see if they leave you « social space », if they let you in conversations, or if they introduce you to people they know ect. If they do, the only problem comes from the people that ignore you when your friends are here, it’s their loss if they don’t want to take the chance to get to know you, it means that they just don’t deserve to know you. If it is your friends that put you aside socially when going out, well I think they don’t deserve you either ❤ Don’t let that jealousy grow, take a step back and maybe think about the fact that we all have something to bring to the world that is valuable, and that this something is not determined by physical appearance
The real test you can have in a friendship like this is when you get into a situation where YOU get the attention from guy(s), instead of her. I used to be like you, but eventually guys started paying attention to me too. There’s a shift that happens when the less attractive friend gets attention from guys instead of the attractive ones. Some people can’t handle not being the centre of attention because they’re so used to it.
I love that you're being so honest. I'm on the other side of your story and it hurts when your intuition tells you that your friend may be jealous of you or the attention that you're getting. The thing we usually don't have is genuine, healthy friendships because most women and some men see us as competition and most men just want to sleep with or be with us. We constantly have to downplay our accomplishments and guard our hearts. I like the fact that you took a step back to work on yourself, it shows that you care.
i am in the exact same situation as you were in! god i feel so evil for being jealous of my friends so much that ive withdrawn myself a little because it just hurts everytime. i hope i will be able to raise my self esteem and come on good terms with them again.... thanks for sharing!
do You have a best friend?, I'm starting to giving up on the "forever friendship", everyone leaves...or am I not enough? I don't know I just would like to know if you think that a true friendship,a long friendship exists?
@@user-uz6hy7od8lThe concept of a genuine freindship definitely exists. But to be in such relations both the parties should understand their ownselves ,The ones who resent others often reflect upon a part of themselves so comprehending your inclinations is a must. Things do change ,people come and go but memories stay and the present lives
Be careful of the women "friends" who suddenly start showing interest in the same guy you're crushing on. In other words, they have to have what you have or possibly could have in the future. Also stay away from "friends" who poke at your flaws and insecurities just to drag you down, and make themselves feel better. The stories I have! Remember, the prettier you are, the more likely insecure and jealous people will point them out to you and dwell on it.
this happened to me but with my cousin and my ex bf 🤡 my cousin has always been more of the beauty standard of where im from so shes always gotten the most attention from men when we went out, n then when i took my bf to meet her n my family the way she acted…. she ignored me the whole night n only made conversation w him n ofc since he was a dick (reason why hes my ex) he flirted back n they both excluded me from the conversation, it took me almost 8months to fully heal that one interaction bc it broke my trust in both of them n felt like betrayal (it was the cherry on top to a lot of sus bullshit theyd pulled before bc they always had hater energy arnd me), my whole life ive felt my family on my moms side is jealous of what ive made of myself (theyre all women) n they benefited off of me keeping my self esteem low
Help support mandatory DNA testing and stop paternity fraud. It is a basic human right to know if a child is or is not yours. Help the true father find his kids.
As a man, I value commitment in my friendships too. Many of my friends would hang out without me or never text me back or would cancel plans. I let them go, I don’t need that bs. Friendships are hard for us too. Like we always have to prove multiple times that we are cool and not some a*shole
Always love how you bring up difficult topics people are afraid to talk about and admit but always end it with a positive/hopeful remark. Thanks for the video!
Thank you Lana! I believe that much of the competition and jealousy stem from insecurity and a lack of safety and reassurance during upbringing. I appreciate the last part where you mentioned how good we are at using unspoken language to uplift one another. It is a reminder of how small gestures an hold significant meaning for others! 🥰
It’s also instinct and biology. Was always there. But as you said, you can reign that in with better teachings and treatment in the most crucial parental years. Its mostly only a thing between girls/women. Like 99% more than with boys/men. It’s a thing following you gals from the tribal days 60 thousand years ago. And if left untreated, then today’s day and ages rampage happens.
I think the point she is making is that these feelings of jealousy towards other women that a woman feels is something that exists and is inherently (on a deeper level) tied to biology regardless of how “secure” a woman is. If you think more about why women always say things like “if she’s really secure she wouldn’t get jealous of other women” is interesting in it of itself. It seems almost as if this is the mind’s way of a mix of: virtue signaling and projection. There’s more depth to it than you make it out to be
I’m 41 and it is interesting to see how much attractiveness did NOT play a part in making the most beautiful girls in my high school friend group more successful, healthy, happy or guarantee any sort of stable good relationship. Not that pretty privilege isn’t a thing…it’s just that it’s not enough to make a dent against this economy, against family trauma, against poor choices (that we all make). Nor did the smartest girls get the “best life” or the most money. It all seems kind of random to who appears more “successful” or happy.
attractiveness do play a role in pay, job opportunity and if you get hired or not (especially for females), but yes there are millions of factors that influence us at any moment in time, in fact your comment is a result of how you felt that day, what you ate, your genetic makeup, millions of years of behavioural evolution, your brain structure, etc... thus it is natural for some to fit into modern society better than others (it's chance).
Life deals each of us our own set of cards but it's up to us to play that hand wisely. Something I've noticed is that having it easy early in life (because of looks, or family money) often leads to low success later because the person doesn't learn to deal with setbacks.
@jackboyce That is me. I have been sheltered from bad things beyond belief. The bad things still got to me though, slowly. I used to have plenty of energy. Nowadays in my 30's I would be happy to at least take a walk outside. God, I miss having it easy. I do my best to get it back responsibly.
Lana, thank you for this video! That ideal female friendship you described is what I've been looking for. Lately, I've been dealing with emotional dumpers (including my mum) which is really emotionally draining me and nowadays the ppl i confide in are my therapist, not my friends. The last part of your video was quite moving to me too. I remember this time where I was having a particularly challenging day and got really tearful on the train. Usually ppl tend to mind their own business but this one girl noticed, offered me tissues and a hug. I will always remember the kindness of this female stranger for making me feel seen and less alone.
Like most goals you want to achieve in life, the friends you manifest for yourself is equally important. I'm truly grateful for the female friendships that continues to provide a safe space, emotional support and nurture my soul, i believe each and everyone of us is worthy of this.
When I was at high school, there was always a group of girls that would hate me for no reason, I was only 8 years old when they waited for me outside of my school to fight with me. I had to hide myself in the bathroom while my best friend (and only friend I had) call my mother to come and pick me up. This whole year was like that, and sometimes the “leader” of the group would slap my face or pull my hair. Today I’m 32 years old and it is hard for me to trust women.
I had the same in secondary school. Even now, at 66 I feel embarrassed and ashamed about it. My one friend was my rock, unfortunately she died when we were 45.
Lana, i love your videos on 'friendships'. Thank you for being open about your experience. I've had those who hate to see you happy, and i have learned not to feel guilty to ditch them. Those who stay in my life as true friends - i gain nothing out of them, and vice-versa...we appreciate each other and enjoy our company even though our life path has gone different directions.
well I don't fear that my best friend will tell her new best friends my secrets - I fear they would not tell ME their secrets anymore but trust their new best friend more than me. I fear to be replaced.
I've been going through a tough time with my best friend for a while now. But I keep seeing Lana 's new video uploads which is totally relatable to my current situation. My friend is really beautiful and I adored her alot. But everything started to change lately and i started noticing alot of flaws in her which never bothered me before. I slowly started noticing our values and interests were never the same. Her beauty never bothered me because I find myself beautiful in many ways. But she started showing off, and she started craving for more male validation and attention. And she was never interested to hear my story. She always cut in between and tells her story. Slowly I stopped sharing her things. She changed. She became close to a another girl who hates me and is jealous of me. I felt lonely and blamed myself that I did something wrong. Slowly I started telling my inner thoughts aloud when we are in a group of friends which eventually hurt my friend. I felt bad and I stopped thinking about her. I let her go. I outgrew my old self to be a better person and so did she. But our current selfs doesn't align with each other so we had to let go of each other. What makes me sad is that, how I adored her once and how I don't even care about her now. A boy can never change me, but how a female friend can alter my thoughts and emotions. How i cried because of her actions. We women care alot about female friendships. It can make us grow or it can destroy us. So be thoughtful when you choose your friends. If you don't find anyone who you can call as "good friend", it's better be alone.
Don't depends on your friend see them as stranger who you can have good time with it I thought about my female friend ship in the past same way I got hurt most but they were not that bad even they kept calling me more but I decided distance myself now I have more muture and balanced friendship
Lanaaa.... Can you make a comfy video on overcoming a breakup without holding any resentment... Ik you have already posted on breakup but can you give your opinions on not holding on to the resentments Loving your content and the aesthetics of your videos❤
I used to think that a toxic friend is the one who is rude to your face. Now I think it's the one who will always blame you in any misunderstandings, who is not happy for you when you thrive
Girl u have done a lot of thinking..thank you for spreading right knowledge and positivity around the world.. these channels should grow more. Not those tiktokers showing off nonsense. Respect
I disagree at 0:05 - people can be genuinely worried I feel gossip is when you disrespect a person and more so when you don't show that person 100% truth of how you think about them
the further I have stepped from the idea of being perceived as the ""ïdea" of femenine and the more authentically myself the purer deeper and more meaningful my relationships have becomed with female and male friends... does this relate?
There is always a reason for someone hating your happiness. It's always because they feel limited within themselves. It's an insecurity. They want you to be doing worse than them in order to feel good about themselves. It's a toxic and very temporary way to cope with low self-esteem. There are many men out there that have this issue as well.
If you can’t trust your friend to keep your secrets and trusted information to themselves, time to form new friendships with people you actually trust.
I kid you now. All my female friendships would get worse when they realized I was a happy person. On ex friend said “I hate when you’re happy”. I knew that day I needed to get away from her
I stopped being close with a school friend who we were close with my whole life (I'm 27) Why? Cuz I realized that she's a covert narcissist Where other supported me, she didn't If we had any misunderstandings, it's always ME who should've done it a different way. Always my behavior turned out to be the cause of our misunderstanding I broke up with my ex who was very similar to that, subtle manipulative dude, I had too much criticism with him, and I left cuz fell in love with someone else. My husband now supports me in every little thing, he is ALWAYS on my side, and only wuth him I realized what was wrong with my ex. I was in psychotherapy+having the most wholesome partner made me feel more and more weird with that female friend. And I finally opened my eyes on her. The thing is, we often justify friends who hurt us, because there is some support, fun, understanding. I can't say that my ex friend and ex bf were evil at all. They helped me with hard times too. But I didn't feel them being that happy for me in my brightest moments.
I only hang w my family. I self soothe and self entertain. Also introverted. I don't need guy or girl friends. Would like a boyfriend eventually tho but I'm happy
I have just finished watching this video, 15 min after going home all alone in the dark, because a girl didn’t want his boyfriend (my usual uber driver) to come pick me up to drive me to my boarding dorm, even if I know her and I told her I already had someone. How nice of her 🙄 The video is full of good advices and thoughts, as always ❤
Hi Lana thanks you so much for sharing this topic, As a guy I was deeply moved and happy as to how pure a female friendship can be altogether ❤ thanks again Lana tc (Just wanted to inform your bookclub page has expired) tc
If you guys don’t feel like reading a sad story, please don’t read this and deplete your energy, don’t mean to make anyone feel like an emotional dumpster This semester has been so harsh on me, it feels like all my friendships came crashing down. I realized that none of my best friends will stand up for me but they would stand up for each other. They would support each other but not me. I’ve been really good at academics my whole life and recently got into the best engineering college in my country. I became friends with this girl, I had a “vibe” about her since the day we met because she kept on pushing me to stand up for the class rep because she knew it would take a whole bunch of my time. It was all chill until the first semester results came, and then she avoided me altogether for weeks. We mostly used to hang out with each other and then I felt so alone, I felt that my success hurt her and this sort of made me feel guilty for doing good in my exams, the worst part was she hadn’t even scored low, I had scored 85% and she had scored 80%. I wouldn’t have felt this bad but honestly I would’ve never done that to her, and that was the part that broke my heart, I don’t wanna blame myself anymore for all this bullshit, we are on talking terms because there are only 4 girls in the entire classroom and she is still my benchparter for 40% of classes, hopefully I can change this part next semester. The part that crushed me was, I would stand up for my friends if the situation seemed like 3 to 1, but turns they wouldn’t do it for me. I would’ve celebrated their success and been genuinely happy for them, but turns out they meet me with passive aggression. I still have a really good friend who loves me and doesn’t judge me, but her presence is a bit draining because she wants to have a day out every fortnight, and I feel like she wants my company around, even though I don’t wanna have to schedule out a day out of every two of my weeks for her, I know I shouldn’t be venting as venting is draining and maybe this won’t be read by anyone, but I feel so alone, so vulnerable, so weak, this has been a tough period, I hope god shows me a way, god probly is showing me the way, I have my board exams the day after, I can’t study properly because of the weight of the events that happened throughout this semester, i hope I can distance myself from that girl in college.
After marriage all friendships fizzle out, both for men and women throughout the world. Despite having so many technology it stills become silent as we get old. I wonder why?
I've watched this one even though I'm not the main focus of this topic (as a man) but I can tell you that within milenials and gen z, fear of abandonment and loneliness amongst men has skyrocketed the past few years as well!
You are the first woman that I heard say that women afraid and jealous of promiscuous women, I always found them strong and self confident, I think that's the reason for slut shaming by women.
[00:00] 🗣 Gossip can be clever or not so clever, affecting how it's perceived and its impact on relationships. [04:01] 🤝 Female psychology is influenced by historical dependence on male partners for survival, leading to competition and jealousy among women. [06:03] 🔍 Women engage more in indirect aggression, such as spreading rumors and gossip, to disrupt social opportunities. [09:29] ❤ Women prioritize kindness and hold high expectations for trust, loyalty, and support in friendships. [11:03] 💔 Jealousy and fear of friendship abandonment or replacement are common among women, leading to monitoring of relationships. [14:09] 🚫 Traits of friendships that fizzle out include emotional dumping, jealousy, and being a bad influence. [18:16] 🤝 Traits of enduring female friendships include mutual caring, consistency, and genuine connection. [19:36] 🌟 Female friendships possess an unspoken language, enabling communication and support without words.
I also have a gorgeous friend and I'm quite less attractive compared to her. She is a wonderful person, she was there in my hard times, she motivates me. But whenever we go out I can feel that people are treating us differently. Everyone sees her first, and says hi. They're always talking about how wonderful things she did, where she went, what she did, what she wore and all of the stuff. In short ,I feel invisible. I'm happy for my friend , and I love her but I realized I started to loose my confidence, and my self-esteem was lowered. I start to think like " I'm treated like that cause I'm ugly ,and ugly people don't deserve to be loved or respected " I was depressed but I could't share my thoughts with my friend cause I didn't want her to think that I'm jealous of her. Insted I start to distance myself.
Of course you deserve respect and appreciation! That is a belief you have to hold for your own sake. You and your friend deserve a wonderful bond. Don't let false assumptions of self worth destroy that.
For some reason I feel I don’t even have one good memory of anyone being true friends to me. We partied went to clubs but all those days passed like clouds. I shut the whole world 🌎. Went back to university completed my post graduation 🧑🎓 looking for a job. I did this with no one support.
I loved your video and it’s so amazing that you bring up these topics! 🙌 I really do hope that your trip to Copenhagen was amazing. I recognize some of the places. Mange kram fra Danmark 🇩🇰☺
It's our nature as women to participate in reputation destruction. It's our programming as women. I tried to fight it years ago through therapy and entering women's only social groups, but after 3 or 4 years of conscious effort, I realized it was futile. We as women as genetically programmed to employ reputation destruction both intentionally and even unintentionally.
There us actually a wonderful comic that portrays female friendships in such an accurate way. Its called Odd Girl Out, and its about an average looking girl with really attractive friends.
I think what's left out here is that the explanation seems to think that all women are competing for the same man, when in reality everyone's perfect match will be reserved for them.
Hello Lana! 💕 It's amazing to see how your much your subs have grown! I've been following you since when you had below 100K followers ☺. I'm so proud of you! Keep going! ☺💖
The females I have most been willing to lose in my life are those who have suffered over having any jealousy or judgement towards me. Because these people don't practice compassion towards you, they make something up in their mind about how you are better than them or have more than them, or some guy they want likes you more then them...and then they go about and undercut you and backstab you to get what they want. Not cool, and its not something I choose to have in my life. I am compassionate and celebrate in others wins, including those who have better than me or have more than me. This is the true spirit of generosity
That's what I shared to this on X: Why is it statements of the obvious we don't talk or communicate about but just say? Decided to watch and listen, view. Awareness and honesty, doing less talking. There is no such thing as all jokes aside; be you, your own worst enemy. No joke, #seriously. [Thank you for making these statements of the obvious people don't often talk about because of doing that thing people like, think we love and stuff.]
I tried to get to sleep after a rough day while listening to Lana's videos and I dreamed for the first time in more than a year and woke up way later than I should have XD she really knows how to relate to people's feelings
It's really interesting as I notice myself to operate much more on female friendship behavior despite being a man. I'm softer than most guys and women would always seek me for crying their heart out or getting advice... But never in a romantic way. And it baffles me. You say you crave intimacy but not when it is received from a man. It's led me down a path of pain and rejection and I have given up on romance, once again.
Lana I really see u as my big sis Thanks for being there for us Im a person who has lot of friends but i can't open up to anyone im having trust issues with them. i don't get the fully satisfied feel. They all are fun and i have good moments with them they match my vibe sometimes But totally when i face any prblm I feel like they won't get it so i don't care to share it
Over and over, a carousel ride Pay for your ticket, watch the red moon climb Sick to my stomach, can't find the ground Stuck in a loop, watch the curtain come down Thought it'd be over by now Thought you would leave Thought I would come to my senses Wish I was stronger somehow Wish it was easy Somewhere I lost all my senses I wish I knew what the end is Over and over, watch it all pass Mom's getting older, I'm wanting it back Where no one is dying, and no one is hurt And I have been good to you, instead of making it worse Thought it'd be over by now Thought you would leave Thought I would come to my senses Wish I was stronger somehow Wish it was easy Somewhere I lost all my senses I wish I knew what the end is I wish I knew what the end is
i'm actually male but this, though nothing i didn't already know, was very interesting and extremely well presented. i've heard it said that there is no such thing as a 100% heterosexual female and i have often noticed that female / female friendships quite often have tons of the same characteristics you find in romantic relationships. i can also tell you very often women will go very far out of their way to prevent their female friends from getting into relationships with males for fear of ANYBODY of either sex potentially dominating their friend's attention. am i right about this? the crude slang term for these sorts of friends (amongst males) is "cockblockers".
There is, everything is determined. If you knew that persons genetic makeup, their family history, their childhood and so on this would be obvious to you.
As at the time wrote this comment, I only watch 3 minutes of this video, and I found what you have said about men and women are so true. You are no less gorgeous than those models, you look amazing. I will edit once I finish the whole video.
I believe how we behave with our peers reflects how we were treated by our "betters" from the very first years of our lives How adults behave towards and around children deeply affects their perception of others, themselves, and relationships. As a species, or as male or female, our flaws and strengths can broadly fit into evolutionary traits, but this does not explain why different people behave differently, let alone how we acquire those different behaviors. Gossip and social ranking is a rather emotional, instinctive, often half conscious process. I would rather look at developmental psychology, at how our parents and elders manage our emotions and their own, and what we as children learn from them. And I think this is why self criticism is very awkward, hard, even unbearable for most people. It goes deep, and is most of the time inaccessible, out of our control. It does not come from us, and often has been forced upon is with violence of all sorts. Children are scolded, scorned, shamed, humiliated, beaten, violated, for the slightest perceived transgressions and have absolutely no way to realize and keep this mind as they grow older. They make it a part of themselves and have an unconscious, uncontrollable urge to repeat it unto others in similar situations. I recently have realized that, from my early childhood to the present day (I'm near 40), I had listened to my parents gossip and review every little thing that annoyed them in my uncles, aunts, and cousins whenever we were about to visit them, or whenever they were mentioned in a conversation. They did the same for my friends, my partners, each other (they divorced pretty quickly), each other's partners. They're clueless. But I realized I was contaminated with this, and that everytime I did this it didn't feel good, it was stronger than me and just did it. To my friends, to my uncles, aunts, cousins, the family of my partners, their friends. Self loathing and regret are difficult to bear, let alone address head on. I understand why almost nobody goes through the process of figuring out why they themselves do the things that they do, and prefer external, general explanations that apply to anybody and, in a sense, absolves them. They can go on repeating what has been done to them and bury the guilt, without stirring the structure of their intimate relationships.
Either way you look at it there’s no if An or but or any other way to look at it just close your mouth. You can’t get around gossiping as long as you’re moving your tongue. The best thing to do is close your mouth anything else is steel gossiping
Valuable speech, and thoughts. "Telepathy", more exactly emphaty is not only a woman's thing, it is the same for men, slightly on other issues. What is worth mentioning is that it appears only between some men, I believe the same for women. You speak deeply about important things, despite your young age. You are so beautiful that you may start a religion with a Bible having a single page: Your picture :)
