The Loneliness of Source 

Fun fact: people who don't play source games all that often can experience this feeling in other ways. My dad describes waking up in the early morning before everyone else as "being like you've missed the rapture"

gmod singleplayer: feels lonely in a strange, eerie way. you're alone, and that is the only feeling you really feel after you've run out of things to do gmod multiplayer: i do not know what map this is. i do not know what addons are installed. all i know is that i must kill.

source reminds me of areas like an apartment block when everybody is at work, it seems like nobody is around for miles.

The way he patches up the dark room on construct lol

having an empty server in tf2 feels wrong because its usually chaotic

I've always felt creeped out by the whole concept of going out of bounds and no-clip in general. The world you're inhabiting feels big and full of life, until you step out of the map and realize that it is surrounded by nothing except darkness in an empty void. If i go too far back, I may end up loosing myself in the darkness. And that may be the worst fate anyone could ever suffer.

i think my feeling of unease in source is from the feeling of being "watched". think about how much you are being watched in source games. in half life 2 you can literally see the gman watching you. in portal, you are being watched by glados and the ratman. in tf2 the administrator is watching you. in the stanley parable the narrator is always watching you. playing all these games as a kid and getting used to being watched, then playing gmod where you're supposed to be completely alone. that's why I feel uneasy in gmod singeplayer.

I just think like "people used to be happy and have good moments here, but now every one of them moved on and are not here anymore"

thinking about source just makes me sad because ive made so many friends in garrys mod and had so many great moments with them than those friends just slowly drifted away and i haven't seen them in years

I've definitely felt the loneliness. I particularly remember my first playthrough of Portal and how I was always looking at the observation rooms in the test chambers to see if anyone was watching me. At first it was a hopeful feeling. But as I progressed further into the game, the idea of a figure watching me through the blurry observation room glass would start making me feel more paranoid than hopeful.

Spawning NPCs in Gmod is pretty much the same as spawning Villagers in Minecraft. It makes me feel lonelier than before the NPCs were spawned.

An aspect of it unique to Garry's Mod is probably that the sandbox maps often look like places that would never exist in real life, because if they did they wouldn't be able to serve a practical purpose, the most obvious example being gm_construct. Even if we know why this is the case, it's slightly uncanny that there are empty facades of apartment blocks, and even the surrounding area wouldn't function as a city because there are no roads or other infrastructure, at least properly assembled, to make it work. It's like the category of liminal space images that are a combination of CG and edited outdoor areas with houses that don't fit right with the surrounding environment, or in which the sky looks weird. (Coincidentally, there's surely a case to be made the many liminal space images trigger kenopsia if not that it's one of the core components to generate the feelings associated with liminal space images). I guess there's also that many of these maps are structured in a way that someone could easily hide from you and peek around corners to spy on you and have plenty of time to disappear before you could investigate.

In CS:GO's case, it's a game that is very difficult with people dying in 3 to 4 bullets, and you begin to expect someone jumping around the corner and shooting you, but in a lonely server that wont happen, so that feeling builds up and lingers.

Damn bro you got the whole squad crying and sad

Valve makes the best horror games that were never meant to be horror games, change my mind.

can't wait for source 2 loneliness

i couldnt finish half life 2 when i was a kid because of this fear

Everybody knows that the Source engine is haunted.

This kenopsia feeling is definitely not limited to Source games. One of the games which gets really close to generating the same feeling is Duke Nukem 3D. When I started playing it I didn't like the music so I turned it off but kept the ambience on. What remained was a somewhat creepy feeling game that felt doomed and timeless in some way, and not like some fast paced action shooter game as it was probably intended to be.

I make comics using Gmod and the feeling only ever hit me once. I had a scene posed, lit and ready for the page but I stopped and looked at it as I walked around it. It's a weird, indescribable feeling; all these "people" I'd given personalities and motivations were just 3d models on a stage. Nothing I saw was real in any tangible sense, none of these characters would exist when I logged off. Just outside my location was an empty map, devoid of life entirely, its streets empty and dead. But in the frame, things were alive, albeit in still form. I wonder if a director gets this feeling when they're looking at an empty set after a day of shooting.

Source games have this unique aesthetic that not many games have. The textures, the eerie ambience...

I felt this in Minecraft and mirrors edge. Minecraft is self explanatory. But for mirrors edge it was because it's hard to see far, and what you see is just buildings. The older graphics make the effect bigger. The only people are the police, other NPC's and the narrator. The cars have opaque windows as well

We can all agree that revisiting your old favorite game and not seeing it the same or is simply dead is like a sharp stab in your heart

I think the unkemptness of HL2 adds to it as well. A clean map just feels artificial, so it doesn’t feel wrong. But HL2’s buildings and their wear and tear not falling over but not pristine makes it feel like a schrödiners cat situation where they simultaneously feel lived in and vacant at the same time.

Portal 1s atmosphere is just the best in my opinion. Any other valve game feels lonely but not as portal 1. Even half life 2 feels lonely during the chapters after the rebel rise. But portal 1 just feels so goddamn creepy and scary without any jumpscares at all

When it comes to gmod, 99% of my playtime is in singleplayer, so I totally got used to the loneliness. Sometimes, I just load up gm_construct and start running like a maniac through the dark room without the flashlight on, just for the sake of it. But what really got me going, was the capacity of knowing most of the tools, so I just go to gmod and start thinking of stuff to build (most of the time vehicles with missle lauchers on them that fire explosive barrels, just because I like explosions.), and then slap some music and I get to building. Also I am a bit of a loner, with only 4 to 5 friends, so it feels more like a comfortable experience, than a creepy one.

In my opinion, the eerie feeling doesn't come from loneliness itself, you can be alone in a forest, or a road, and it doesn't feel weird. The thing with portal for instance, is that you are inside an entire complex that seems to be kept somewhat clean, and as you said, there is electricity. So in my mind, the eerie feeling comes from the fact that you EXPECT to see people, but don't see any. Just like in big source cities, the city is clean, it doesn't feel abandonned, the grass is cut, and yet, no one is present, as if everyone was hiding. So yes, in my opinion it doesn't come from people being absent, it's from the fact that you simultaneously see signs of human presence, and no human present.

As an avid TF2 player, quite a few times I've been in casual Valve servers at just the right time: the last of the players quit and, for whatever reason, none come back, sometimes for a solid half an hour or more. It's an odd feeling when matchmaking forgets you still exist, and you're stuck in a lonely world with every visual cue hinting that you shouldn't be alone right now.

I think how source engine is able to make an empty map to feel eerie is depends on theme itself. Real life texture such as half life 2 and portal has that feeling in each texture to make it desperate or unerving while cartoony texture like in team fortress 2 doesn't have the same creepy feeling with hl2/portal themed map. That also explain how source engine can be use to create horror game or even horror map that has the similiar feeling like in P.T or Resident Evil 8

playing on a left 4 dead map in gmod gives me this feeling, like some horrible events happened and you're now the only living thing around

5:19 I think the reason why this image is creepy is because of the citadel in the background, a giant futuristic tower inside a "normal" city, the cables falling that seems connected to the whole city and controling it

Minecraft and Garry's Mod's feeling to me is actually a positive-neutral effect to me. The dirtiness, the oldness, etc; reminds me of comfort of discovery, as ive always been a loner with few, no, and/or toxic friends; i found that feeling comfortable. I felt truly at ease with how lonely it is, and how my player character is all alone, yet overcomes obstacles and creates a satisfying thing of whatever you'd want

I used to spawn npcs in sandbox, i dont do it anymore cuz it began making me even more lonely with those robotic falty non living ai

I always found I didn’t feel a sense of loneliness in portal due to the fact GLADOS is constantly talking to you implying comfort from continuous dialogue.

These are some of the most entertaining videos I’m interested in rn

I had a Minecraft single player creative world that I spent absolute hours on, designing little houses and towns and parks. I had places to work, restaurants, everything. But after a while it started to creep me out. All these houses, all these places, and nobody else in the world but me. Now I have a name for that feeling.

i remember when i was younger id feel this playing on empty roblox servers

Having keno phobia is like being tortured, the feeling of nothingness is suffering, because you’re all alone by yourself until you think “Am I really alone?” This gets more stronger in just empty voids, and example of this is when you no-clip out of the map. The world you were invested get tored apart just for you to realize that you’re alone

It's amazing to see how Garry's Mod Nine in it's HL2 Mod format had a pretty dull and depressing tone to gm_construct in comparison to Gmod 13 and so on, it's like Garry realized the lonely factor and wanted one of the base maps to feel more alive while keeping the Source ambiance. I also find it amusing how Gmod had little supported games at the time by being created short after HL2's release so going from CSS and DoD to TF2 and beyond just expanded upon many new experiences for different times of Addon Creations (Steam Workshop), Machinima ARGs, Dupes and much more. The satisfaction of Source Games is something so unique in comparison to other games that don't use the engine, sometimes you can just feel but can't describe, it's that good.

I think this is more due to the talent of valve's developers than anything else, a game engine is just a tool.

There's another level of this for me - I've been playing source games since HL2 dropped, I was part of GMOD communities, played almost nothing but source games with people I only knew because of source games. Even when playing single player, it felt like you were part of a community of people enjoying the same experiences. I'm old now, and that's all gone. It's such an isolating feeling.

I think a big part of the eerie kenopsia feeling you get from Valve games is how arcadey their game design is. Without enemies, an objective, or lots of props, the world or level feels so empty because it _is_ empty.

MY ANXIETY WENT MAD WITH THIS VIDEO THAT I ACTUALLY CRYED A LITTLE

When you play bioShock 1, you feel you are the only regular human in this place. Which feel very lonely.

5:32 I think another reason why we are creeped out by source games is because of the texture resolution and compression. This is the same reason why we find some old PS1 and Nintendo 64 creepy in atmosphere. There's this really cool map on the workshop called Autumn 2001. It has the same style as an old PS game, but it's completely rendered in the source engine. Lower Resolution textures relates to the feeling of something once being populated since lower resolutions aren't the standard anymore.

Such an in-depth explanation! I love this video just because it feels really relatable, being someone who loves source games like Garry's Mod. Nice work!

still, no source game can give me the loneliness feel i had with empty cs1.6 maps back when i was a child (spesifically assault, de_survivor (the snowy map with a crashed plane) and oil rig)

I find the loneliness of source games comforting to a degree. Maybe it's just because of the throwback to when I was younger, to better days. The beautiful thing is that Source maps don't change. You load up a map and get to experience it like on day one. Source games / maps are a charming constant in an ever-changing world.

I have kenophobia(fear of endless/empty voids), especially when in source games. So whenever I noclip, my hairs stick up and I start sweating. I think this was traced back all the way to gmod, I was ten and I noclipped and went out of bounds when an NPC(I think an Ichthyosaur) instantly killed me. It scared the crap out of me and deepen my fear of the void along with water in source games. It sucks because I do make maps in source games and it just makes it a lot harder. (Don't ask me what map it was on because I don't remember)

As a teenager I was big into a couple of RP servers as a gamemaster and admin. As such I would play after school for hours and until everybody else logged off trying to keep people entertained. I always felt this when everybody was gone and it was me left alone on the map I had been on for so long, just now empty and desolate. Beofre that, I used to play Gmod alone as a kid and would experience this messing around with addons and maps offline. Also got it even further back in games where you could load multiplayer maps alone, like CoD, gears of war and Halo and Far Cry especially.

Yep! I feel that sound design and ambiance also has a huge affect on the vibe and what you feel for the location. Many maps just alone can be eerie too, especially old halo maps and such! Good stuff, man 😅👍🏻

The lonesome part of portal makes source so interesting because the imagination around it like the backgrounds of default gmod backgrounds make it so interesting

YES DUDE, I need more video essays about this feeling!

The sort of empty loveliness of source games is actually really COMFORTING to me. It's nostalgic and makes me feel peaceful and happy. Stuff like the backrooms and liminal space and empty source stuff I find really COMFORTING myself.

Sometimes I work the nightshift at a really busy park/campground in my state, and I get this feeling when I'm puttering around at 3am. I find it comforting nowadays

I remember playing a TF2 Community "Highertower" server where everybody got mad at each other and just left the server. I was the only one left, all alone. I decided that this was the only opportunity I would ever get to capping the point so I stepped on the cart, all alone, and silently, slowly, rode all the way up to the very top. It was an eerie, yet strangely sobering experience. The silence and the loneliness gave me time to just silently think. It was oddly kind of emotional. I might load up an empty map again someday. I know I need the mental space.

The map creator on Tony Hawk games always gave me this feeling tbh

Wait, I have been alone the whole time? Always has been. *Proceeds to destroy that fear of loneliness*

Video was damn awesome. Underrated channel!

In fnaf 6 I remembered hearing the sounds of the pizzeria running, but it doesn’t seem like your in a pizzeria, when you die. No one hears your screams, you can only hear them during the day. And that’s a huge step in kenopsia

Man I feel this video so much, I love the quality.

I'm such a source fanatic that my kenopsia's so strong even ttt_minecraft_b5 is enough to make me paranoid

I never had a clue there was a word for it but I absolutely frickin love the feeling of kenopsia, so big ty for that nugget of info!

I've seen other videos on this before and I had expected you to make one too some day. I'm glad to see another perspective on it from someone who specifically covers this type of thing. Neat video dude

You deserve more subscribers, this vid was fantastic!

I loved playing garry’s mod ever since I was little. Now that I’m all grown, garry’s mod is nothing but a nostalgic memory to me. When I play it after a long time, it doesn’t feel as exciting as when I was a kid. Instead, it feels lonely and melancholic.

awesome content man, love ur work!

PERFECTLY ILLUSTRATED THANK YOU MAN

Source kenopsia is weird, but there's no worse feeling than going to the place you and your best buds used to hang out, only to find it completely empty.

The earliest i felt this feeling was when i used to play portal on my xbox, i would try and finish chambers as quickly as possible because it felt like some dark, evil entity would reach me and kill me.

I got this feeling one time from joining a private gorilla tag server and just hopping around the three maps, I didn't even dare go to the mines because even the mesa creeped me out, just the ambiance and nothingness combined together spooked me so, so much

being the nighttime custodian at an elementary school elicits this feeling. Something is not quite right. Super eerie. Hate my job

recently started playing half life 2 and holy shit the isolation feeling it makes me just want to go with my friends and do some random stuff

Im so used to the loneliness I dont think anything of it

4:12 the "Always has been" Makes this video even better

Got this recommended, was wondering about this too. Subscribed!

Glad we're not the only one ones out here thinking this. I had the same feeling playing Garry's Mod (years ago back in 2010) in particular Construct or when I'm in a empty server on TF2 and I hear the sounds it turns a otherwise charming and chaotic game into something else. It just gave me so much anxiety when no NPCs were spawned to give you company and it was all silent. This feeling was even worse when I played those ship sinking maps like the Titanic. Nothing but pure ocean, once the ship's gone, you're even more alone as the ship felt like the closest thing to company you'd have... if you get what I'm saying and then you're floating in the water like: "Well... what now? And god this is creepy... this is worse". Theeeeeen you decide to swim under the waves to find the wreckage of the ship and it slowly comes into view in the murky water and theeen you realize sooo that's why 'submechanophobia' is a thing with some people; I get it now. The remains of the ship feel ghostly like a apparition slowly coming into view as the ship did. And as it's sinking you're running from the water and the water is creepily coming towards you; that sense of dread and such watching it 'chase' you is another feeling and then you see the ship slip under you going down. Even then, walking around onboard the ship still had it's own eeriness. It's interesting how there's varying degrees of this feeling... with some feeling worse than others like that. ... And yes, that fucking dark room in Construct. I avoided it like the plague. I hardly ever went to it unless I had a gun (preferably a Big Fuck Off Gun at times - it's like the BFG but for even worse situations. I call it the BFOG), a flash-light and a NPC with me. There was just something unnatural about it, on a spiritual level or some shite. Bad mojo I just felt all around. At times when playing these games alone like that I'd feel the same feeling in my room as well and I'd look up and look around and freak myself out like: "This energy, this feeling... it's like this is gonna cause something bad to happen in life itself". So at times I don't play Source games much anymore. It might sound silly but it is what it is. That being said, Source games aren't the only ones I get this feeling from but they have contributed quite abit to it. But the thing is I don't mind being alone, it's just that the kind of atmosphere and too much of being alone is the problem. Gotta be a balance ya see. And it's not just the lonely factor, but also the factor of someone watching you and also as some people pointed out like something super-natural about it. All of this converges together and bam the feeling is intensified ten-fold. It's a mix of feelings... Also, for those of you saying we're pussies I guess some of us just aren't 'robots' or 'manly men' like Hollywood portrays everything. Sorry being for being well, human I guess... I'm sure you all have some kind of fear and feeling of unease when you do a particular something we could say you're a pussy for but we don't.

The reason why i still feel lonely when spawning npcs in gmod is that npcs are not real players, and you know they are just a programmed bots being in your computer. There is no soul behind NPCs

I love this video great job!

It's the same feeling when you walk in a park late at night or go in the back of a store it feels so alone.

Im not scared of the dark room, how did you know? *Shows muscle man*

I only get that feeling on gmod, on the games that have stories, characters and enemies I don't feel lonely.

amazing video, keep up the good work

I've yet to watch the video and I love and appreciate the fact that people such as yourself notice the lonely and isolated vibe recieved from source maps. Liked and subbed

I once thought about writing a short story about a man who was taken into Garry's Mod and had to maintain his sanity wandering through the wastes we see in the skyboxes of each map, venturing from map to map, knowing in the back of his mind that any person he comes across is ultimately a farce of a person who isn't really there. The goal would be for him to seek out other people in this situation and find a way out. I think it would make for a spooky feeling. Hell, Kenopsia would be a pretty cool name for it. I think some of the default wallpapers in the game actually resemble this quite well, with citizens wandering apocalyptic environments with nothing but a physgun, toolgun and their ramshackle car or trailer. Strange, its almost like this was what the game was going for... Quick edit: Just came into my mind that the idea of the skyboxes being traversable came from the fact that when I was younger I thought that Big City was actually a default map in the game, and I made the false connection that the city we can see in the distance on Flatgrass is actually Bigcity. The Construct maps, however, with their strange archaic constructions and unnerving void rooms simply made me nervous.

Source reminds me of my life lonely and empty.

10/10 editing man. Keep up the good work.

I think it would cool and creepy to have a mod where on any map you load, a random NPC spawns. You could be walking down the street in rp_downtown and a Gman could be watching you from a window (creep). Or you could be on cs_office and find Alyx behind one of the desks (cool).

I actually found the isolation quite soothing.

As a digital artist, I very much relate to and agree with the sentiment that having the ability to create whatever you want can be lonely.

5:24 The best example is Raven City. When you enter and the firsr thing you see is a hanged guy. That part still is spooky to me, even with all the action and etc...

loved the fairy fountain theme

I've never felt alone on gmod, maybe it's because I get distracted by the little things I do in the game. it may well be but i'm basically terrified of entering the dark room and the mirror room on the map gm_construct

I kinda feel like this when playing an old singleplayer game that has multiplayer but no servers anymore. It feels uncomfortable in a way

I don't know why but there's something relaxing about a good youtube with not many subs. It's relaxing.

4:12 “Wait, it’s just you?” “Always has been.”

You want to really feel a sense of loneliness? Play Orange Box's Tf2 and just listen/watch to the main menu. Even play it.

i like this feeling

This is such a creative and interesting channel ! Every single time I get a notification I get very exited ! Because I know I will watch an amazing RU-vid video ! Amazing work !

Player: "Wait it's only me in the map?" Valve: "Always has been."