The Masculinity Paradox: Lightning Talk with David Ley - Sessions Live by Esther Perel 

This was such an enlightened, impassioned, articulate and empathetic way to describe an aspect of male sexuality and I'm so glad the world has experts like Dr. Ley to help us be more compassionate toward the struggles men face around sexuality. Brilliant!

I found this interesting. I've followed Esther Perel long before subscribing, and these discussions seem very relevant to the needs of today's sexual partners.

what an important perspective and well explained

Very interesting, thank you !

A positive message very well articulated. Who is your sexual role model?

This was GREAT.

Very enlightening, thank you. My question is, how do you tell the difference between what is a hidden sexual desire vs. What is a symptom of an unmet need? My ex described himself as a sex addict. He had a complex history with sex and parents etc. One of his deepest desires was to degrade women sexually. And that's one of the reasons why we're not together because he told me he loved me too much to degrade me and he knew that I wouldn't put up with him degrading other women sexually while in a relationship with me. He went on to have a relationship with another woman, but on the side he had a woman to degrade. And this woman was very happy to participate in it, because she had a need to be degraded. I don't think he ever dealt with his underlying issues. And I doubt that she did either, meaning the woman he degraded. So the question is, is the degradation a healthy secret sexual desire in itself that needs to be fulfilled? Or is it an indicator that there's something that needs to be addressed that is not being addressed? And I mean for both him and the woman he degrades.

Did the second man stay with his wife after accepting his bisxuality.

I thought about grey elephants. Polar bears are white.

interesting. he uses his stump like a shield, constantly willingly exposing it; so to say shouting it out - "look, look, look!". this is the second masculinity paradox i am watching and my impression of the first one just intensified. this format should be called: "elaborate decendents of foucault reconfiguring male sexuality" and more sappy title would be: the final screw

Dr. Ley, there are many things you stated that I agree with, and many that I strongly disagree with. You seem to be aware that sometimes used as a way to fulfill deeper needs. You are also aware that porn use can be "merely a symptom" of other issues. Wouldn't the solution then be to tend to those deeper needs and underlying issues of abandonment, rejection, and all else rather than to encourage porn users to mask that? Furthermore, sexuality can be used as a means to allow us to be deeply connected with other individuals, which I presume would be an example of a deeper need that is hungry. Wouldn't you agree that, through recognizing our sexual cues, (not including compulsive cues) we can become more aware of our desires for not only pleasure but for human-to-human connection? This can remind us that we are indeed human and are built for intimacy! It is so sad that countless men grew up believing that they are not to feel because that is weakness. These men, just like any other human being, so strongly desire genuine intimacy and this genuine intimacy cannot be found staring at a screen, with a person whose needs you do not have to even consider. I would agree that Intimacy is created mutually, not one-sided. I wholeheartedly agree that shame is never the answer to inspire change, nor is it okay to put people into any sort of box, reducing them to their struggle. I also acknowledge that pornography-use distances us from intimacy, in the way I just mentioned, and instead encourages a self-centered, immediate gratification approach to sexuality. I'm sure you are aware that we are creatures of habit, so our actions do matter. Our brains create neural pathways based on what we do consistently. If we want to be in relationships that require commitment, and effort on our end, without immediate results, we need to help people build the necessary interpersonal skills! Pornography use does not do this in any way, shape, or form. I see that you truly want to help men relieve themselves of shame, but I believe that the approach you have presented is not helping them reach their deepest parts of their human hunger, the hunger that is meant to be filled with authentic, unconditional love, where they can feel desired, loved, accepted, and cared for in the most vulnerable of ways. Pornography does not require vulnerability because we are not even interacting with the person that we are using to get our sexual needs met. We ourselves hate being seen as a number that helps a business run, so why are we reducing others to a means to an end as well? We can do better! I am all for helping men develop healthy, genuine, and authentic sexuality but this is just not the way!

@8:25 Victim blaming while blaming Trump as a sexual role model. How about personal accountability!

Exodus cry ,time magazine,dr.Drew,rehabilitation centers treat sex addction,csat therapists etc.Delta fas b dopamine prefrontel cortex ,nucleus,sex starts in the brain ,biggest organ

This is so convoluted. Is he saying porn is good or bad?

I have a beard and mustache I am not ashamed of being a man.

Its almost 2024 im still recovering .Porn is horrible

5:22 He said, "Porn... addicts are not watching more porn... than anybody else". That is WRONG. They do. And some of them feel OK about that... just waste a of time and energy on that...

No training but yet he still wrote a book called myth of sex addction