The Narcissist's Act 

For someone who is afraid of rejection and abandonment they sure work hard at pushing people away with their horrible behavior

Narcissists will exploit your tolerance.

"That wasn't me".... a classic denial of split self.

I don't care about them anymore. Thank GOD.

“They believe everyone else is doing the same thing” just blew mind friggin mind!!!!!! They can’t bond, they are shame-based and they have no empathy so of course they’re going to project their lying and emptiness! They will never know what it’s like to love someone.

Yes they do not know how to "get along in life" at all...in all aspects and as they age their life goes down hill.

To much insanity. Run away….can’t care about a monster that’s tormenting you.

They have to be in control at all times.. it's all about control

This is why it’s best to listen to your instincts when dealing with people. If someone feels “off” most likely they are. Being an introvert is a blessing in this case, as I like to observe and listen.

The alligator analogy is a great example. It's not trying to look like a log. It's just what it does. It works for them.

Well the problem with them is that they HAVE to get other people to believe their BS, with out this they are nothing. Dependent on out side validation which they are totally incapable of getting from with in themselves. They have to mirror everything they see and copy copy copy..

I became a dumping ground for HIS self-loathing. I didn’t understand it at the time. Made no sense to me. I now know he was just ‘being him’ (like the crocodile) - it’s what he does (& who he is). That said, (& most importantly) it was not ok and never will be.

It's so hard to not take personally, but in a way they make us wrestle with ourselves (our own egos) when we fight back the urge for revenge or choke back the deep seated anger for the way we're treated. A large part is the basis of the relationship was feeling sorry for them in the first place. Then the truth that it's all an act comes down like a hammer. Once it's learned though, it is freedom from a whole lot of illusions. Little Shaman keeps it real. No nonsense thinking - however long it takes to get it.

So much confusion and makes my head spin being around them! Just can’t understand that mindset! All I know, is I want OUT!!! I am very grateful for videos like these. They validate what I am going through. Thank you Little Shaman.

Don't feed them but always on your phone listening 🎧 or watching what you write or see that is sick control freaks.

I like the bear analogy, they kind of remind me of Renfield the bad actor, hiding Dracula in the house too.

WOW, you said a mouth full. You just gave us the key to the narcissist deception. We need not to trust people so much, but to look deep and VERIFY!!! Thank you.

The ex-partner was an “act”. He was a “victim”, a “sensitive man in a harsh world”, and he worked hard on that persona. If he’s still alive, I could see him attempting to maintain that act. He’ll be 70, and losing his “edge”. Probably decompensating, as his anger rages more. “Mr. Nice Guy” was already “losing it”, having frequent rages, when I was still with him. His health also was deteriorating when I wasn’t around to feed him properly. You hit another one out of the ballpark, Little Shaman! I love how you find all the nuances of this personality type, making them so easy to understand! Blessings!🥰

Your ability to explain psychopathology is stunning!! How did you learn so much about Narcissism?

This is so interesting. He used to say what set off our arguments is that my "face would change." He read into my subtle facial expressions so much that when I subconsciously questioned him and his lies I was no longer physically reflecting what he needed to see. I wasn't "supplying" him with the look of adoration but quite the terrifying opposite - I was starting to see who he really was.

" there's a freaking bear in there" the bear analogy had me laughing so hard😂😂🤣🎉..love from Germany dear Lil Shaman👍🏾❤️🖤

MY ex still tries to convince our grown daughter that she doesn't know "the real him". He clearly sees himself as someone different from who he truly is and has been all along. I find it sad that he would rather gaslight us than work to be a better person.

When the student is ready the teacher appears. This is so true. You nail and pound home the grisly truths in such an effectively no nonsense way. My life and countless other lives are gleaning priceless educational gems from you. Thank YOU for helping us. Cheers.

"... there's a freakin' BEAR in there !" laughed out loud because it was so funny, and so true

The amount of wisdom packed within each video on this channel is astonishing. This is perhaps the most helpful content I've ever found on the internet about this topic. I applaud the quality of the information and the effort put forth to share so much so clearly. I'm very thankful for this channel.

This just completely left me with my mouth open bc this was my life with the ex narc. Never believed i cared and never believed when i said he was smart. It was a constant battle for me to prove to him that i believed what i was saying. In the end he did the classic injured ego narc thing and made me pay for staying so long. Truly diabolical.

The one I used to know told on himself when I had already figured him out. He said “you should see how I act when I am out alone”.

They hate intimacy, while masquerading they feel the contrary. All will be used against you to keep you on your feet. Keep it short and simple with such types

Absolute Madness in denial of denial..,

Cannot believe that you are still doing this after all this years. God bless you. You have helped so many people around the world. When you are no longer in this Earth, people will still be benefitting from you. Thank you for healing me. Regards from the Philippines.

Thank you for another wisdom packed post, I'm very grateful for your work. Nothing heals the wounds of narcissistic abuse better than understanding the why behind it all, and your deep insights bring a lot of clarity.

Insufferable is one word that describes my ex. No matter what it will be something else. I once told her she will have a complaint in heaven.

The narc I used to date would tell me “you have to take the bad side with the good side.” He was a monster.

In the end what they are doing, is actually who they are, and who they are causes their worst fear of not being liked to become reality. Because people don't tolerate the way the narcissist treats them and also lies about what and what they are. It is a self fulfilling prophecy.

I gave him everything for 4 years. He turned around and accused me of stealing from him and he ended the relationship.

😂 there’s a freaking bear in there!

love your videos,your so spot on.

Yes they do the same thing over and over even though it’s not working out of habit wasting their time

I experience this with 2 of my adult sons. I limit my contact with them. I have learned a lot about narcissist and hiw to identity them. You were one if the first channels i binge watched. You help so much. Im glad i saw this podcast. It affirms that i have to limit cobtact with loved ones that have this disorder in order to not be sucked dry of all my emmotions. My adult sons twist everything i say and rewrite history and tell outrageous lies. They can be so cruel. Its mind boggling and they accept no responsibilty fir their hortible behavior. They wear a mask for everyone except me their target. Its sad but i have chosen to let them go and at 58 im not taking their abuse. But i do regret nit having a loving connectiion with my sons. Im grateful for my daughter n law and grand children . She and my grandchildren are blessings. I pray my grandchildren dont become narcussist like my sons and their fathers were. These podcast do help with understanding this horrible mind disease and i believe spiritual affliction. However i no longer believe that i can save or help my narcissistic loved ones and i have to kerp my distance for my own sanity. Its not how i envisioned the future with my adult children.

That's what always bugs me about all of these narcissistic conversations. Is that a lot of them say oh they planned this. This is what they want to do they try to cause the most pain possible. My ex did not do anything on purpose, and a lot of times his constant lying , pain or trouble in our relationship. I never got the impression for one minute that he woke up everyday trying to think of how to make me miserable..He just did what he did because that's who he was

This is your funniest video yet. Wow . There is a bear in there and the narcissist has ignored it. Lol love this one.

The bear analogy was funny, brilliant and exactly how it is.

Greetings all. Had a text 7-18-2023 from narc sister telling me my brother has died. It started, " Here's some news, Mark is dead". She proceeded to say no one told her he was so sick". Reality, she lives next door! My father died Christmas eve 2021, she lives next door. He had cirrhosis. Both narc sisters next door that day. Neither came over. My brother was the care giver. He was the only one i trusted. My father died that night. Both showed up Christmas day prepared to kick brother out of house. Surprise surprise, my father has just made a new will. I was on the phone w brother and heard the whole confrontation. Two narcs screeching in defeat. This is my personal testimony. July 2023. Thank God i had a good brother and we escaped the narc curse. The grace of God is precious.

You are very good at explaining how these monsters really think about themselves. There are different types of narcs. Mine is a player/ non commital sex addicted addicted to everything moron. I'm in prayer and asking God for help to get out of this situation. Thank you for your help. Renee from S. California

I met my ex in a 12 step program. We were friends for years prior to our relationship and I trusted him because he put so much work into defining the program. Some people learn how to do something very well, yet they never do it and critique others as if they do. I was so naive. That was a hard life lesson.

So perplexing for those involved.

This is 100% perfect in every word spoken. My narcissistic person (wife) that’s divorcing me bc I’ve been exposing her over the years has acted out in all of these ways. Most noted is her being in another relationship then asking for a divorce and TELLING me how I feel about her to justify her actions. She says “you don’t even like me” or “you don’t like me anyway” and she makes herself believe that to make it ok that she is involved with someone else. What’s the most troubling part about it all is I can’t argue or reason bc there is no point. Whatever she says is what it is. Like the time I caught her in the act of FaceTiming somebody and she said she didn’t do it. Like I literally snatched her phone and saw the person. She still said she didn’t do it that they were talking 10 minutes ago and he must have called back and she didn’t know it. So that’s what the truth has to be, my word against hers and she will argue her word vs what actually happened. We separated after that and it really gave me mental issues. She never addressed it, apologized or tried to make fix it waiting on me to just let it go and crawl back. When I didn’t do that THIS time is when she eventually did the discard. I see now it’s easier to live a new lie than address the old truth and that’s what they go for.

Thank you for your work!

Mind blowing. What I often wonder is, as the offspring of a pathological narcissist who sees some of the same patterns manifest in myself- can I overcome my own toxic shame with this awareness? I feel I have some of these identity and self-worth issues in spades, and worry I won’t ever get healed and whole. It’s like being part human, part robot.

What a truth bomb

Shaman, you MUST know my NEX!!! “No one GAF about me. No one gives me what I need or want. I don’t matter. I don’t shine; I’m just a guy.” I ALMOST feel bad because it’s the most obvious case I’ve ever seen. But I feel nothing. I pray he gets everything he thinks he deserves, & the accompanying consequences.

You can definitely see it when you pay attention!! They cannot meet their own needs or communicate amongst many other things. You are bang on in this video entirely. Thank you for posting it! ❤

Helps understand why people stick with ridiculous political and religious cults and organizations. Huge relief! Thank you for this valuable concentrated information and for not being A I. Think I'll have a second helping

My recent ex narc constantly called me a liar. She never sd your a liar yet insinuated it w/actions or sayin bs ect. When confronted, it was always like flipping a switch! She literally couldn't accept that nothing i sd was truth to her. When i tried to explain, it instantly went to projecting, gaslighting or bringing up something from my past, which she only knew bc i was honest when asked. Its unbelievable how lost they really are!

Little Shaman, you get it, and explain it in a far more realistic way than anyone else I have found before. You deserve so many more listeners, not comfortable listening, but better than believing these people and destroying your life.

Amazing articulation.. you have covered so many questions with solid grounded explanations, worth a second or third listen in order to catch it all. How you have acquired this understanding is a mystery and a gift. Bless you for sharing.

Thanks for this. 😊 The way you're describing narcissists here reminds me of how even slime mold, requiring no central nervous system, still has the ability to be able to manipulate its surroundings in order to gravitate and move toward a food source it can feed off of, and away from things it finds to be poisonous for them. It's more of a reflex and instinct than a higher intelligence. For a visual of what I'm talking about, here's a short video of some slime mold in mazes experiments: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-kk1Ot67-OFc.html . So, a narc's instinct to gravitate towards people who are good sources of supply that they can feed off of and manipulate them to be the best food source possible for them, and their instinct to stay away from those who hold them accountable isn't really a sign of greater intelligence than slime mold, scientifically speaking, of course... lol.

My husband's mother's entire life is an act. I realized not long ago that we never even have a real conversation with her. Ever. It's only ever the act. She is the "virtuous victim who did the best she could"... We never have a real conversation with her. It's always just her retelling the same stories over and over again to project a certain image. Basically the exact opposite of who she is and how she lives her life. I've never met someone so dishonest. And I believed her for about 6 years I think. I cried for her and felt so bad for her. Turns out everything is a giant lie. She is not the giving, loving, or sacrificing victim that she claims. Now when she talks about being so giving and helpful to someone else I see it as the cover up for how THEY are the giving helpful ones to her. The more she talks the more she tells on herself at this point because I figured out a lot of things just by paying attention. I honestly never would have thought someone could not even be like a person. Hard for me to explain. It's like she exists solely to preserve the false image and the act, she isn't even a person besides that. She is nobody besides that.

Can you do some videos on narcissists and sexual behavior? Like they sleep with everything or cut you off? Line up new supply before you're even discarded etc?

This is so sadly true. I truly loved the mask. Times the ex narc would tell me I’m blowing smoke to her ass when I would give many accolades only because she didn’t believe the accolades of herself🤦🏽‍♀️

towards the end you have a segment where you mention that the narc things less of you for liking them and it reminds me of a quote frmo my friends mother, in reference to her husband at the time "if he loves me, what does that say about him" and it really brings it all in focus.

Now I understand . When I told someone I needed to think of the possibility that I might be doing something to hurt a relationship I had with another they said " No dont do that. If something is wrong its not you". When I said I just need to check myself the narc replied that they knew it was not them and they believe in themselves. And they told me to never second guess myself. I thought then and now: wow, how fat headed! We can all check ourselves and improve ourselves. What if we did do or say something to hurt someone? None of us are perfect .

This accurately describes my experiences

It is like a 5 year olds attempt to be around and act like a normal adult except that they have the intelligence and experience of an adult because of their age. It would be more believable if their charachter had some faults like a perfect charchter in a movie is just not relatable but they are to immature to realize that.

Thank you dearest. You have explained it remarkably. Today after a struggle of a divorce 15 months ago to a narcissist. Finally God has made your video come up to give me closure of understanding why he discarded me and could not speak to me. It had nothing to do with me. I can live in peace.

They are barely aware. In a way. It's weird.

Thank you for all your wisdom. I learned alot from you. I went through a horrible relationship with a narcissist. God Bless

I think I suffer from co-dendcy. I love your voice. Hence I love you.

I just want to say I am so glad little shaman is still offering expertise and support bc I remember when her videos were being taken down. she helps so many people!

These videos always give a ton of content to reflect on. A thought-provoking summary.

Absolutely Spot-on‼️Very clear, very true 💯‼️Thank you so much for sharing ☺️👍🏻🤩

This is intense. There are some people who "pretend," not because they are narcissistic or manipulative, but because they truly don't know how to function or interact comfortably with others. So, don't throw these innocent, incapable people out with the bath water.

"Why does it matter if your friends understand you? Why does it matter if I understand you? Why should anyone bother? That isn't necessary. Don't share all those things with me about your past. I don't want to know. I'm certainly not going to tell you those things about myself! Are you crazy? A girl has to keep her secrets, has to keep her mystique. Get real. If you expect any woman to open up like that, you're ridiculous! You need to understand boundaries better. Just grow up!" She said it to my face, pretty much just like that if not verbatim, and I still had trouble thinking about the implications squarely. And her rhetoric seemed to hold together because her logic was solid, just her premise was insane. It still boggles me. She didn't even know it mattered to feel understood by the people important to you. I don't know how to wrap my head around that. She really thought she was right, I could feel that, it wasn't gaslighting. I intentionally ruminate on things like that, moments like that from others, trying to perceive, trying to find some sense to predict it. They blend so well, and violate norms so blithely, it's tough to know how to premptively weed those folks out. My parents were malignant and cruelly knew what they were doing, tortured me. I can spot that, because I can see the intention. When when they don't even know about themselves and just think everyone is the same, I guess, or don't even question it... Boy, I just can't spot it early. I can't find common tells at all.

This gave me such a flashback. Decades ago I got mixed- up with a guy that told everyone he was a mortician. He' d go on for hours about it.

Everyone should be made to listen to this vid.. the mindset of one of these animals is so twisted, for a normal person it's almost hard to comprehend. Knowledge is power when dealing with a narc. It is a form of mental instability for sure. 18:15 unlovable pile of human garbage/toxic sums things up well, that's exactly what they are.

Brilliant! Yet again!

I wish I could give this more than one like. Your videos helped me so much to wake up to myself & what was happening to me when I was in a relationship with a narcissistic person. Learning that their manoeuvres were innate & part of unhealthy behavioural patterns, that could not be changed ( apart from temporarily when they needed to achieve the upper hand ) was my get out of jail card.

I think you are brilliant on the subject of narcissists. I never met this person I know because I could not trust him. A lot of what he said just was not believable. I did tell him he is talented and funny because he is. The predicament of the narcissist is impossible to change. They will exploit you for caring about them. They cannot get help because they cannot reflect on their own, in some cases, horrible behaviors towards others. They are in a no-win situation. I do not hate him at all. I feel sad for him, but will never let him into my life. I am in no contact with him because there is obviously nowhere to go. There is no relationship because he is delusional about himself, and does not know or trust me, or anyone else. I am authentic with him and he says things like "who do you think you are pointing out things to me that I have been running away from all of my life?" That sounds like an insightful statement, but he is still running from himself. I cannot imagine the fear, frustration and pain narcissists are in, and because of how they see the world and themselves, there is no way out. He will always be in my prayers.

Brilliant break down......!

Absolutely true little sharman and it was bloody exhausting

It's almost impossible to see what they're doing to you when they're familiy members you grew up with.

U know it is all true so sad as U are right not personal how could one being carry around all that crazy shit and possibly be intentionally doing anything except trying to survive there own emotions every single day. I pr a y for them. I need to let go I cannot fix myself never mind ever beleive I can help a narcissist.

Cyn , we KNOW what they are. How do we get right with ourselves?

How fitting the mythological imagery becomes when you actually encounter these beings

Love you little shaman😊😊😊

thank you for your continued support through these videos. you are saving lives.

Shawman , your analogies , descriptions & explanations of narcissist is Remarkable & impeccable , .. .???

👏👏👏👏👏Wooooww!! Thank God for you Little Sharman!! I pray you receive every blessing God has in store for you!! Beautifully said!!!

This is one of the most helpful and healing explanations of NPD I've ever heard. I understand my past encounters with these people so much better now. Remember their behaviot is not personal. That helps alot. But it is so sad. These people are suffering abd they dump their pain onto innocent people. Thank you for this podcast. Love and hope to all ❤

I’m here cause I thought they passed a narcissist law lol.

I can't thank you enough for the insightful explanation and the revelation, Ms. Shaman. Imsgine, how long of therapy would cure a person like this?? Literally, they must be strapped and put to listen without doing anything, just to put them into reflection. Only then can you offer them the the therapy, with still another 50-50 chance. Have a wonderful weekend, Ms. Shaman. God bless you abundantly 🙏🏻🎉

BRAVO Little Shaman👏!!!!

Two narcissistic I know says they hate bullying in people. But they both were bullies. Listen very carefully

They really are like aliens. I used to work with a covert narc. She was truly hollow and I could feel the odd facade, her emptiness. She would tell me about her online coffee dates-so weird, no EQ.😶

Every new video as of late has been feeling like it is the most fundamental video, the one that gets nearest the core both in terms of understanding the narcissist and bridging the gap to explain it to viewers, and this one seems to have hit "it"

Thank you. Just what I needed to hear. 🙏🏻

I was warn about her b4 i even c her face it was family dynamics.I deceided to give her a shot especially focusing on her kids.N my god it was recurring destruction.

I have been counseling people for about a year now on pathological abuse and your right on the money with your information. and your gorgeous too,,lol keep doing it ...your great

Thank you for all of your helpful videos. Tons of love from the Las Vegas area. xxx

20:22 Or that you are evil, and if you are evil and are ok with evil, you can do evil to them, it's just a matter of time and whoever strikes first has an advantage