The One Thing That Can Ruin Your Relationship | Jefferson & Alyssa Bethke 

Complacency is probably my biggest character flaw. I'm a 22 year old guy, and I really struggle with caring about the people/things around me. I think it's a defense mechanism I've built up. Thanks for the loving advice, and I'll be working on caring about caring today! Lol

I love that they mention friendship before dating and marriage. It is so important. Death really can show you what is more important. Sex and making out is not as vital as having a solid friend. I had a wonderful guy that became my friend. He passed away from a brain injury this year. Seeing Jeff and his wife laughing together, that was me and that guy all the way. Such encouraging words from two people that love God. 😊😆

I think you guys should do a video on dating advice for couples in that kind of awkward age of 17-25. Specifically couples that are very serious and have been together say 2-5 years and maybe just feel it is too young to get married? Thanks guys! God bless!

The way she stares at you really shows how much she loves the way you talk, Jeff. God bless you both and your little one. Greetings from Medan-Indonesia.

Is it me or Alyssa looks more beautiful by the day? You too are such a cute couple! Thank-you for the advice.

Maybe it's just been too long since she's been in a video, but Alyssa's voice really surprised me. It's so petite sounding, like a cute little mouse that you just want to squeeze and cuddle. Please don't take that as negative. You guys are awesome!

Hey Jeff, I know this might not get seen, but I really hope it does. I would love to see you guys make a video about some of yours guys struggles or disagreements. I don't exactly mean it in the bad way, but I think a video expressing and showing how you guys grow communicate and encourage even through a "fight" I guess I could call it. I think it would really help some people feeling lost in a relationship that has struggles through fights and arguments that grow and spiral and get worst. This is a topic that hits home with me a lot lately. I would really love to see a video between you two about stuff like that. thank you for all of your encouraging words and videos.

Dang Jeff and Alyssaf, I think this is my first comment ever on a RU-vid video but I really think the Lord was speaking to me through your guys' video because this was literally the first video I saw on my RU-vid homepage. My girlfriend and I have been struggling a bit with this whole idea of having that spark in our relationship, what she calls as romance, and I realize now that the main problem was complacency! I have not been being proactive in encouraging her, and not really receiving words of affirmation only pushed me away from trying to be proactive. But this video I coincidentally stumbled upon really was a slap in my face, and I'm ready to go out there and fight this! God is good.

I really needed this. I'm still young so I can't really expect guys my age to be on the same page as me relationship wise. I always find myself being the proactive one starting conversations, keeping everything going and I think my biggest problem is skipping the friend stage or not staying there long enough.

Great video Jefferson! Always a pleasure to see videos with Alyssa ✨⭐️

Loved this video!! I'm so happy to see the dating series back. :) I hope they can continue! They're really good I love how you and Alyssa do it together.

I really love you both and I'm thankful for you both. I know Alyssa has a lot going on but I would love if she would make her own channel!!!!!! I loved the book she did with Robin and when she speaks I'm like Yesss Girl. Would love to chill and talk with her but since that's a little hard to do her own videos would be fantastic !!!!!

"Marriage centered home" I LOVE IT!! Thank you for challenging me to look at my myself & my marriage in a different light. I can't wait to read y'alls books!

Awesome video. These are things I have noticed and thought about often. Glad to see someone hit it with better wording. And I love seeing y'all two interact.

This has gotten me so inspired, i'm really filled with hope after this video, pursuing a great friendship first is so important and can lead to such an amazing relationship later on. Thanks for the great work!

You have one of the best channels I have ever seen, because of you my future husband and I have made changes to our life, reading the bible and praying together . You gave our life a whole new makeover . Thank you Jeff and Alyssa! Please don't stop making videos, you guys bring good spirit and good energy. in this generation no one stays strong like you'll do . Bless your marriage

Hey Jefferson, I love the videos with just you giving advice, but my girlfriend and I absolutely LOVE your videos with Alyssa and you talking about relationships. We find so much encouragement and understanding in having you two as examples, but also it's great knowing that we aren't the only ones going through some of the battles we go through as a Christian couple! Just got the "31 Ways" books and really looking forward to going through them!

Needed to hear this so badly and really appreciated the encouragement at the end to really think about who you date. THANK YOU.

Ohhh this is super helpful. I experienced my boyfriend being complacent near the end of our relationship and ultimately didn’t think he was the best for me thanks to your videos and lots of prayers.

This helped me so much! I've seen this video float around (I've been following y'all for a while now) and I've been reluctant to watch it, but now that I have, its exactly what I've been needing to hear.

Amen. You nailed it. I learned this too late! Good for about 10 years then the burnout... Focusing on things where I felt more appreciated than at home. . the garden died :/ a mutual friend was there more than I was... boom. I hate divorce and encourage my brothers. BEWARE of complacency, don't run from a irritated wife. run towards her! that's probably what she wants (but goes about it wrong). Or someone else will treat her better than you do :/ And don't think you can hide anything from her! if you are -know that it's hurting your marriage. Besides Jefferson's book (sure to be awesome) ;) I suggest "If Only He Knew" Gary Smalley. and "Love Is A Decision". Praying for marriages and families! God bless your ministry Bethke's. I love you guys!

Keep them coming!!! I appreciate these dating videos as I'm currently in a relationship.

Everyone's excited over Jeff's new video....I'm just here waiting for the next podcast

The way Alyssa looks at Jeff is definitely #relationshipgoal

I can see that you guys have so much fun together and that really shows how you based your marriage off of friendship first! It gives me hope to wait on God's timing for my future spouse and to not settle! Great video guys, God Bless!

Love it!! So full of practical truth!! You guys are such an inspiration, God bless you for what you give!!

Thank you so much for this video!!! I have being struggling with this issue in my relationship, but I couldn't find a way to describe it to my boyfriend!!! After this video, my thoughts and emotions are finally in sync and I know exactly what I'm feeling!!! Thanks again!!!🤗

Hello Jeff and Alyssa, You guys are Beautiful and you're ABSOLUTELY right! Complacency is extremely damaging to any romantic relationship! Thanks for all of these relationship tips!

What saddens me the most about my current relationship is the fact that we have absolutely nothing in common. Yet, my partner made the first step and wanted to be with me. They always remind me of that. And yet, as they're 3 years younger than me too, I often get the feeling they are not ready to think of, let alone share things with me to the extent that I strongly believe and wish a partner should.

Jefferson thank you so much for your videos on dating. They have helped me and my boyfriend understand a little bit more about what God wants for us in a healthy relationship. God bless you and your family? P.s. I love Allisa's voice and how she shares her side too

Really good advice Jeff and Alyssa. I am engaged and getting married next year and my and my fiance love your advice videos :) will take this into account for the rest of my engagement and soon marriage.

I like how you two have color coordinated with each other. Keep the dating/singleness videos coming. It might also be fun to hear both of you talk about how you came up with your kid's names.

I love the way she sees you throught the whole entire video. So adorable. thank you guys for the advices 😚

Wow i was expecting the usual cheating or jealousy thing but the analogy you gave literally perfectly described my situation and helped tremendously. Thank you!

I love all your relationship videos, they have helped me so much! Love your family, blessings!

Thanks for sharing this - I'm really interested in purchasing y'all's books - this has been one of the biggest struggles in my marriage since my husband and I got married last year. We both love Jesus and strive to have a Christ-centered marriage. But complacency has snuck in with realising how little we have in common and how I'm the do-er of the two of us but am not very...pushy or confrontational or just...firm about ideas of things we can do together. He really is my closest friend, but it's been tough, and I feel like this could be a big help and huge blessing! I'll have to show this video to him:) Thank you guys and God bless you and your beautiful family!!

loved this as a married woman. Also. We are excited for our books we ordered! ❤

LOVED this! Really really good points

My gf and I ordered the 31 day challenge books and our relationship has never been stronger. Thank you Jeff and Alyssa. You two are great.

You are right about the jumping from project to project. I do it more than anyone.

thanks for sharing! love when you both speak of various topics ♡

I love how they look at each Other when they talk ☺️

Love seeing Alyssa too! You two are a blessing!

Yes we do want more dating videos! You guys are always so helpful Please do more! I thank God for you guys.

I love your advice on dating and marriage/relationships etc. I would love it if you could talk more on them 😊 Love Sarah!

if you can i think you should put up more videos .... these have helped me a lot ... and its good to get a view of dating from someone who isnt staunchly against it

Love love love the dating video. keep 'em coming! Thank you

I love literally all of the content that you and Alyssa put out. Can't wait to see more vlogs and hopefully have some more podcasts to listen to! Keep up the awesome work! (PS- any idea where Alyssa got her initial necklace from? I'm in love

You guys are awesome. As you said every point I felt how true they were and this is great advice 👍🏻

Jeff bethke I got saved 2 years ago and my buddy who was a Christian was stoaked and gave me your book "Jesus>religion" and it really helped through my walk and kept me hungry for Gods word. After that I started watching your videos, lectures and sermons. I can't say it enough how your short videos on RU-vid made a big impact in my faith. Your book "Jesus>Religon" was one of the first chapter books that I ever wrote. Christ has completely changed my life. I lived a life involved with parting clubbing selling drugs and constant wickedness. I don't need to get into to much detail bc I don't feel the need to glorify any of that. In high school I struggled with reading and writing. They had me in programs to enhance my reading comprehension, and writing skills because I was below average. I can't say I really struggle with reading because the lord has helped changed that. I lacked wisdom and prayed that God would provide me with some and he totally did. (James 1:5). I came to ask for

Love the way you guys explain this, very clear and understanding :)

really good advices! Thanks Jeff and Alyssa! God bless you!!

You guys are awesome!! 👍🏻👍🏻 I really appreciate your advices and for making this video. May god bless you more and more

Thank you Jeff, really appreciate you guys

great points about healthy and unhealthy relationships as well as building a strong marriage.

Love this video. Thank you for sharing.

I love how real and goofy you guys were towards the end!! Its great to see you two can be silly even in front of a camera :P

Do fears in a relationship. Like fear of losing ur partner, fear of loving, etc. lol

I pray that God blesses me with the relationship like the one you two have! Thank you for all of the inspiring and informing videos ❤️

*Love your videos!*

I agree!! I see women before they get married they do all they can to look beautiful and taking care of themselves more and all of the sudden, when they get married they forget to take care of themselves and look beautiful for their husbands. This is the time for the wife to look more beautiful than ever for her husband so yeah! I love when I get ready and do my makeup and see my husband's reaction.

I agree with the Friends as a great foundation for relationships and not attraction. I have a friend though and she doesn't see it that way.

Yes! I need to show this to my husband. We have a 5 month old and it's been a bit of a struggle for us to adjust.

Amazing guys! So thankful for you too :) God bless you tremendously

Really great video. I liked the gardening illustration... I do the same thing with my flowers, haha. But it's so true. Thanks for the encouragement (:

wzuppp my brother in Christ,Tuesday is my first time Preaching/Teachin in front of any Church,,an because of ur Amazin Videos,ive been studying daily-majority of my day an Im Excited too Preach this Tuesday,thanx fa the Encouragement an the deepnest of ur Soul that dwells in the Presents of our God Jesus Christ

You guys are awesome! So well said!

For those wondering, you can get our 31 Day challenge books for him and her here. Free shipping right now and you can start with your significant other anytime you want! --> www.31creativeways.com

really loved this. please do more videos like this one!!

We'd like more spoken word please. its inspiring and more "shareable" with people we want to reach out to... just to get them started. Thank you Jeff & Alyssa, you have been a blessing!

Love you both!! These are awesome & God bless. : )

Hey Jeff. Im so thankful for all your videos. I have been so lost for a long time, but Jesus and God let me smile and laugh as soon as I open up a video of you guys. And I thank you for that. God bless.

Aw the way she looks at you is awesome!

thanks for this! great great reminder!

Love these key points 👍 So spot on

Ending was priceless!!! Love you guys!!!

I love you guys so much I wish you would vlog every day and pray with us online!!!

you guys are awesome. bless u both!

Love your vids! Would def love to see move dating/marriage/relationships vids!! What I see a lot is young people getting together and dating thinking that this partner is "the one", or is "the one God has given them for life" so they'll go all out and commit and lose sight of everything else in their life (school, work, obeying parents) etc which may even cause them to cross boundaries with this person because they think they'll spend the rest of their life with them. But then 2 month into the relationship they have a fight and break up, and look for someone else to date and the process stats again... I saw this when I was younger, I did this when I was younger, and I still see it happening with my nieces and nephews and the kids in our youth group. Do you have any advice on this and can you do a vids on this? Thanks

So true! ... 😢 my long term relationship ended because of that. But i have hope in Jesus.

I love seeing the goofy side of you both. I love seeing that in any couple. But it's fun just seeing the two of you be yourselves, more talking about at the end of the video. I like that. :)

Hahaha don't lie I know that's you! so funny! I really needed to hear this message as it's hard with all the responsibilities with kids and the house and work then school to have the energy to take care of my husband first or take time out for him when I don't have the time.

GOD BLESS YOU Both and your Family, thank you for always sharing

Missed a video with both of you in!! Okay, now let me go and watch the video. Haha

So happy you made a video

Thank you so much for all the videos on relationships, Jeff. They always encourage me, and now as I am in a relationship, they're helping me do it right. I have a quick question: is 31 Creative Ways something that a couple that has just started dating can do? Or is it for relationships that have been going for a little while and are more serious? Thanks again!

Jeff talks soo fast 😭 Love you guys 💜

I feel that I need to say this Jeff sloooooooooooow down you talk too fast. You're very gifted and I don't always hear everything you say.

These videos are awesome. But I would also love to see more marriage videos!!

Alyssa is the sweetest! ❤️

could you all do a video on "everyday" things you all disagree on and how you all work through them? or parenting disagreements? my husband and i seem to disagree on the same thing all the time but we usually just brush it off but it will always come up, its not extreme but maybe some tips on how to work through them and go over them

LOVE this.

I love theses videos!!

hey Jeff and Alyssa. I got engaged in April and I was wondering if you guys can do a video talking about those who are getting ready for marriage. I would really appreciate that!

Hey Mr. Bethke, I was wondering if I could request something? lol I really enjoy your spoken word poetry and although your other videos are great I haven't seen a poetry video in a while. Do you think maybe you could make a new one? Also, I love how much you've let God take control of your life and how much of yourself you put out there for us. It's so encouraging and reminds me to trust in God more and try to be a better person, a better Christian. Thank you so much. You're doing a fantastic job! :))

Both message and dating videos would be awesome!

Thank you so much for encouraging me n my marriage.

You guys are so awesome, fun and cute! Great video •like all the others• Thanks for sharing!

In grateful to have watched this, because I am chasing after this guy and I need to let that stop today (literally).

Amazing video! I'm a teen follower of Christ so these videos are always great pieces of advice to remember as I get older and continue on my faith walk with my Maker! Plus you guys are hilarious!! I can only imagine how funny the bloopers are! you both should definately do more videos together!!