The Real Reason So Many People Are Lonely | The 6 Daily Choices

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The Real Reason So Many People Are Lonely | The 6 Daily Choices
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The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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22 окт 2023

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Комментарии : 120

@Kcducttaper1 8 месяцев назад

Sad part is, it also has to be reciprocated. I was in a group of about 45 people for a while where I'd toss out an invitation for a bonfire on a random nice evening. Zero people came. Similarly, 12 of us decided we wanted to go on a camping trip. I was literally the only person to put in a deposit. Guess I know who I DON'T need in my life.

@amywilloughby8019 8 месяцев назад

Sounds familiar

@hellaSwankkyToo 8 месяцев назад

is there a common denominator?

@Kcducttaper1 8 месяцев назад

@@hellaSwankkyToo Sadly, it was a church group. You'd think, of all the people that would be serious about community, it would be church peeps.

@alexianeves 8 месяцев назад

@@Kcducttaper1dang that’s tough!

@monkeybearmax 8 месяцев назад

Horrible - yeah go elsewhere what a lame group

@Akili369 8 месяцев назад

Life of lonliness isn't a choice for some people

@David-wo9un 8 месяцев назад

Being married doesn’t guarantee you’re not going to be lonely.

@natela_mk 8 месяцев назад

Being lonely in a relationship/marriage is a special type of hell. Being physically alone for me has never felt as lonely as being in a relationship without a real connection.

@russholly 7 месяцев назад

Anyone that has this issue should look up the book Married and Alone by Doug Weiss. You're not alone in this feeling.

@milehyandriver 8 месяцев назад

In my 20s I tried to invite people I thought were friends to go hiking and camping but they would rather spend their weekend eating drinking and smoking pot. I wanted to leave that part of my life behind and I haven't been happier despite having no friends or relationships. It's better than wasting time and money on others who don't invest in me.

@ELIZABETHTORRES-em3kx 4 месяца назад

I’m there in the same situation

@MarkTEwing 8 месяцев назад

Dr. John, I don’t feel that I’ve ever chosen loneliness. I feel that loneliness chose me.

@CaToRi- 8 месяцев назад

@marktewing - Bingo 💯

@Youngone78 4 месяца назад

Same!!! This video was great, but I feel exactly the same.

@susannefitzpatrick9955 3 месяца назад

So true, same for me: I somehow instinctively knew when I was 11 years old that I would go through life alone (in the main), and I have - not out of choice, it’s just happened that way. But oddly enough, because I (sort of) knew it would happen, it’s not been such a shock if that makes sense….

@carolannogle8785 8 месяцев назад

Make small bids for connection with people as you go. SMILE. Give s genuine compliment..Go without your phone to have a conversation. Eye contact and shared attention allows us to give signals that we care.

@danielstocks3271 2 месяца назад

As someone who used to put alot of effort into people (friends, family or relationships) only for it to not be reciprocated, it makes you not want to try anymore sadly

@Yujiro945 29 дней назад

Yea bro a lot of mfs saying we don’t put the effort (the ones who initiate friendships)then we found out we trying to seek validation what the F is this

@cfrend 8 месяцев назад

A tip that has been helping for me for years stave off loneliness. Make a list of "your people" (acquaintances you like, random people you know, long lost distant family, etc) and under each name as you think of them add in bullet points of unique things you could do together or when you could visit next & how much you need to save to travel to them. Next, simply make the effort to go to them with the understanding that you cannot have an expectation about how well your relationship goes. It's either growth for you or a good new friendship! At least in the end you can pat yourself on the back for making the effort and simply look on your list for "whose next?" You never know one of these times you make the effort the stars will align. Studying the art-of-hosting and the art-of-conversation can really throw gas on the fire for this process of making friends as an adult.

@juliewoods6810 8 месяцев назад

This comment made my heart smile💛 what a fantastic idea!

@emmaphilo4049 7 месяцев назад

I think that's cool advice :)

@susannefitzpatrick9955 3 месяца назад

Difficult when you’re older and have no children and your family is deceased.

@Candypack1 8 месяцев назад

I’ve been reaching out to people for years. I’ve tried to make connections but I haven’t had anyone reach back. I’m exhausted. It’s been 5 years since anyone has asked me how I’m doing and really wanted to know…

@lisette5380 8 месяцев назад

How are you doing? :)

@Candypack1 8 месяцев назад

I really appreciate you asking. I’m doing okay all things considered. Thank you. How are you?

@Candypack1 8 месяцев назад

I really appreciate you asking. I’m doing okay all things considered. Thank you. How are you?

@lisette5380 8 месяцев назад

@@Candypack1Good to hear. I am fine as well, thank you. Dont give up on social interactions and other people. You are worthy of nice relationships!

@chaz7604 8 месяцев назад

How are you? ❤

@elyse443 8 месяцев назад

Well, some of it is that as soon as you talk to someone they attack you or assume you’re attacking them and get defensive.

@CuteNP 8 месяцев назад

What do you do when your whole family is this way and you can’t change them ?😔

@user-ft8ul7ps3s 8 месяцев назад

Working on it John!! After 23 years of marriage, my divorce left me with few friends I could call my posse. That has changed and continue to changes and I put myself out there. Your podcast is one of the main reasons for that. I'm one of the original 17 listeners and have learned so much about me and relationships. Thank you for all you do, Dr. D.!!! Love, love, love your show and resources. Lisa

@liveinms9949 8 месяцев назад

50 year old southern woman here. You are right on point Myy friends and I say we are the last generation to talk on the phone to each other. We drop in and visit each other . I have spoken to 2 second cousins for conversations on the phone of longer than 30 minutes in the last 2 days. Younger people arent doing that

@betsyveritas1055 5 часов назад

Before personal computers came into our homes, people were much more social. Not that they were nicer or less afraid, but they were at least getting together on a regular basis with others. Now we're all hiding behind computer screens. It's insane.

@Erika-yy8ry 2 дня назад

I am one of these people who are often allone but not lonely, who give strangers an open ear. They tell me everything about their lives without forcing them. I am stunned about how much TMI i get. I listen to them, don't talk much. After some chat i can see release on their face and often a shy but happy smile. I am shure God gave me this ability to be there for lonely people. I hope everone here who's saying he is lonly gets somone who is willing to listen to.

@kelliconlan8133 8 месяцев назад

Just went first, waiting to hear back from two friends on time together soon!

@CaToRi- 8 месяцев назад

Since year 2000 I’ve seen how all my friends leave and move to another country or are workaholics. Even the hairstylist left!! So, I decided to have a therapist to chat. I’m tired of trying. It’s so disappointing 😶

@Johanna-on2cb 7 месяцев назад

Exactlyy this is the sad life in Individualism. Everyone move so much throughout their life. And I too tried to make friends but now I ve graduated and one is 300 kms far and the other one in SWEDEN. So idk but it seems like such a Tiring task to want to have friends... you can't change the lonely and anxious feeling to creep up again and again coz they leave all again after only 1,2,3 years

@Youngone78 4 месяца назад

This was the most powerful video I’ve watched of yours yet ❤️ what I don’t understand is, everything you said about love, and doing everything you can to love everyone with everything you have, and give your heart totally, and choose to not be alone, is that I did that for almost 40 years, and it got me to the loneliest, most painful place I could have ever imagined. No friends, family is broken, and 2nd marriage is done. (1st was a horrific abuser btw) my 40 year old beliefs in “just love everyone and the world will be a better place” are gone. What now? Anyone?

@katharinapaulina2685 8 месяцев назад

Very powerful und so true - thank you!

@Patriotgirl1130 8 месяцев назад

Uuhhh this had me in tears. I have so many amazing people in my life but I rarely see them and I needed to hear this. Thank you

@smallvillemarina 8 месяцев назад

This is such a beautiful and powerful video 😩♥️🙏🏼

@AB-vb4sv 4 месяца назад

We’re money because we don’t pay attention to people who care for us. I’ve literally seen situations when people Never reach out to others who check on them constantly while compliment nobody loves them.

@ELIZABETHTORRES-em3kx 4 месяца назад

I’m stop doing that I give only to ppl that show for me the rest can go to hell

@steffibaker6121 3 дня назад

POWERFUL insights.

@susannefitzpatrick9955 3 месяца назад

This is by far the most important video John has ever made - totally unachievable if you live in the UK where people have forgotten how to care, take an interest in others and be sociable since Covid, but the premise is a good one.

@carolineprestage4650 2 месяца назад

Im married and really lonely

@as2223 8 месяцев назад

Thank you for the great reminder Dr D! I have struggled with making genuine friends, I understand we are all broken in a very broken world and I know I could love better myself, it's tough these days, as trusting the wrong person can bring a lot of pain and grief if they're only around for personal gain, it takes a while to get to know someones true intentions. God says to guard our heart for good reason. I know when you walk with Jesus daily you're never alone. He equips us with a helper, The Holy Spirit and it's the most satisfying relationship anyone can have.

@yvettebennett6170 8 месяцев назад

Amen! 🙏

@BarlowJacob 7 месяцев назад

Thanks for this

@kaidiver4306 8 месяцев назад

MORE VIDEOS LIKE THIS PLEASE

@vhol93 8 месяцев назад

interesting view!

@jones2277 8 месяцев назад

friendship is hard. i started trying to prioritize friendships, but it has caused major stress and unhappiness and so now I'm pulling back from the friendships. basically, i can't deal with dominance politics. whenever you're in a group, there's always the person who self-designates as the leader whom everyone falls behind. everyone has to agree with their opinions and do what they want to do and dress how they want to dress, etc, and if you don't, you are the troublemaker and everyone pressures or bullies you into conformity. it's exhausting and stressful. there just isn't room for diversity of thought anymore. how do you deal with dominance politics?i find this frustrating in romantic relationships too. I'm not a follower, and I'm not really a leader (though I can be if necessary). where does that leave someone like me?

@ludwigvonsowell5347 8 месяцев назад

Dude it sucks, usually it tames itself out to address “the decision maker” of the group privately and separately. To see what they want, it’s a bit weird to do so but it can go a long way. Were the ones you reference more impulsive or did they have a standard defined sandbox to work with? People want leadership and to feel safe in expectations (everyone in the group I’d guess knows exactly what this person enjoys and doesn’t enjoy. And yet have little to no clue about what others want).

@jones2277 8 месяцев назад

@@ludwigvonsowell5347 it's good to hear the rationale from the perspective of the follower, but i just don't see going to the "decision maker" to ask permission to wear what i want to wear or do what i want to do. feels like i never left high school.

@ludwigvonsowell5347 8 месяцев назад

@@jones2277 it depends on if they’re a narcissist or principled. I cannot expect my vegan friend to cook a meat meal in their house , but that’s different than someone who criticizes your Oreo snack as non vegan and grounds for dismissal. What was the incident in question?

@jones2277 8 месяцев назад

@@ludwigvonsowell5347 i'm not following. what does this have to do with vegans and oreo cookies? why would anyone expect a vegan, friend or not, to cook a meat meal in their own house?

@ludwigvonsowell5347 8 месяцев назад

@@jones2277 well to contextualize a “dominance politics”. There’s a difference between someone on a power trip and someone with strict principles.

@knownonsense2015 7 дней назад

Everyone is alone. Loneliness is when you expect others to fill you .

@blackmarkt2250 2 месяца назад

What John doesn't mention here is that you need to first show up as your TRUE AUTHENTIC SELF. Just making friends or getting into romantic relationships wearing false masks and not being vulnerable further leads to loneliness. In a social media world filled with lies, projections and false fantasies only when you are seen, heard, validated and appreciated for who you truly are can you find relief from the emptiness of loneliness

@Vegan_scorpioo 7 месяцев назад

I am worth so much more that's why I chose loneliness! I call it freedom, you call it loneliness!

@kasiatokarz7230 7 месяцев назад

Easier said than done.

@user-qg6rf5ec3n 21 день назад

I have nobody that I’d consider a close friend. I have an elderly emotionally dead mother who lives in a facility, an estranged brother, a workaholic husband, two college aged kids who don’t need me, and a half sister who’s so overly involved in her daughter’s life and her granddaughters’ lives that there’s no time for me. It will be loneliness that kills me.

@beingfullyme 8 дней назад

People are so into the fun friends.. surface relationships and no depth that they do not value an honest loving person… I’m alone not lonely because being with surface dwellers is empty

@megja1812 Месяц назад

let go of needing connection and connect to yourself …..people will be knocking to get in

@ludwigvonsowell5347 8 месяцев назад

It feels monotonous to try and get friends involved and connected. Because suddenly your social life in order to be healthy is another JOB. When people were in school together there was a level of structure and proximity. Passive friendships just based on comfort via familiarity. Once you’re out into the world there’s nothing to force you into proximity to people. Now you have to be almost cheesy and salesman pushy about friendships. Anything from cold calls, planning, pitching, closing, follow up, annual reviews. It was a lot easier when you could just crash at each others rooms randomly. It feels like they’re not really friends if you have to put so much effort into them, we expect friends to just flow naturally, you naturally have schedules that align, you naturally have the same interests, you naturally have the same values. People are human and it SUCKS.

@aprilm4423 8 месяцев назад

Doc, loneliness is not 🚫 a choice. If I did choose it --which I didn't!!-- then it's because I don't want to interact with people who do not and cannot love and behave in healthy ways themselves. I can't equivocate on this. Otherwise, I'm stuck in a life overcrowded with people who merely take, take, take and CAN'T give back-+because they're wholly incapable of doing so. There are too few healthy--physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc--people. What are we going to do about THAT?? I would rather be alone than in chronic, excruciating, unrelenting emotional pain at hands of someone else. There's something bigger than any one of us going on here. For you to suggest that it's simply a personal problem and an individual character flaw is the best way to lose subscribers. I'm not taking this from you.

@kele.w 8 месяцев назад

Being in relationships opens you up to the possibility of getting hurt, that's 100% true. But he's not saying it's a choice to mean that you should allow toxic people to continually walk over you. He's saying it's up to each of us to keep showing up to try with NEW people if the people we've had around us aren't willing or able to put in the energy to also be good friends. We can't force others to be kind, thoughtful, communicative people. We can choose not to reteat into our shells and never allow anyone else in because we've been hurt before. Its hard and scary and you have to be vulnerable, but it's still important.

@aprilm4423 8 месяцев назад

@@kele.w I agree, but I continually run into people who are just a barbequed 🔥 hot mess and unfixable.

@KimJilene 8 месяцев назад

I came to the same conclusion - I keep getting into close friendships with emotional vampires and ppl that keep taking and taking from me, yet giving next to nothing back. Then I realized the common denominator is me 😢 Why do I keep attracting these kind of ppl in my life? Now I am on a journey to really heal myself and figure out why I keep attracting these toxic ppl and how to put a stop to this for good.

@lilsamantha1 8 месяцев назад

Also, delete social media

@proper.role.model.819 7 месяцев назад

Connections are made through trauma-like bonds and experiences these days. If you can relate, I cling. Type of thing. Not true connection.

@ItwBokay33062 22 дня назад

I'd rather be alone than to be in the presence of people that chose to leave me alone when I'm with them.

@matthill2957 8 месяцев назад

We all got problems but no one wants to deal with everyone elses problems, that why there is therapist. Your friends and family arent gonna be qualified to help you anyways

@user-zy1vt5yg7x 8 месяцев назад

Hey brother

@lyndaslocs 8 месяцев назад

So you mean robots won't solve all our problems?

@PsychicBarrett 7 месяцев назад

I deleted all my social media accounts minus youtube due to this.

@djpuplex 8 месяцев назад

I'm not safe with Dalony in that room.

@vinbucketts6209 3 месяца назад

But... you have to truly enjoybtheir conoany. Id rather be alone then in boring conoany.

@MsJnez Месяц назад

Untrue that technology does not give connection. I've lived oversees from my family in Louisiana for 35 years. LIfe is so different now that I can video call my Mother.. In the past I used to call her from a phone booth once a month.. Not the same. But I know Dr John is making a point that is valid.. But the sweeping statement at the beginning is false.

@josephinejarr8852 7 месяцев назад

Does anyone want to be my friend? I'm a 24 yr old married woman looking for other women that listen to John.

@Aloha4Maui 2 месяца назад

I'll be your friend.

@kelseymathias3881 Месяц назад

Who's lonely right now?

@user-qg6rf5ec3n 21 день назад

Me 🙋🏼‍♀️

@kelseymathias3881 20 дней назад

@@user-qg6rf5ec3n sending a hug

@user-qg6rf5ec3n 14 дней назад

@@kelseymathias3881 Thanks so much! Truly appreciate your kindness.

@kelseymathias3881 14 дней назад

@@user-qg6rf5ec3n 🧡🧡

@ElenaSimeonova-qx9sr Месяц назад

My parents never really loved me cause I am the epitome of lazy.

@nessness4893 5 дней назад

Did you check your vitamines, especially vitamine D, lack of it makes you sleepy

@chocovanille5809 8 месяцев назад

Western societies do not prioritize connections these days.

@PepeCoinMania 8 месяцев назад

false this is man's problem. THIS IS COMPLETELY FAKE

@dabd8175 8 месяцев назад

Females have 7 daily choices tho 😂

@LadyMarigoldWithers 8 месяцев назад

If you’re referring to the fact that 90% of men will stick it in us at a moment’s notice that isn’t a choice we relish. Realise that.

@jones2277 8 месяцев назад

what?

@arr204 6 дней назад

I’m alone most of the time. Me and my dog. I get lonely sometimes.

@jodisguido85 8 месяцев назад

John you Rock !!! Please stop calling women “Dude” when you answer their calls. 💜🩵

@9liveslisa 8 месяцев назад

Yeah. It sounds strange to me too. But it's better than "honey" or "sweetheart" or "mam". lol!

@May-qb3vx 8 месяцев назад

I’m fine with dude as a woman. It’s colloquial. It doesn’t actually mean it has to be for guys anymore. My generation uses it for any and everyone, regardless of gender

@jarelchico 8 месяцев назад

Stop being controlling speech police. Please stop telling one random person what to say to a second random person.

@jodisguido85 8 месяцев назад

When he’s expressing to Real women that are respectful of his ways, do not find being called “Dude” Respectful. John will completely understand this. I believe he wants to Respect All females. Doubt he’d want a professional calling his mom “Dude”

@jones2277 8 месяцев назад

i don't mind it.