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The Real Risk of Forgiveness-And Why It’s Worth It | Sarah Montana | TEDxLincolnSquare 

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Forgiveness is tricky. Everyone says you should forgive, but no one will tell you how, exactly, to do it. And is it always possible-even for something as traumatic as gun violence? In this vulnerable and heartfelt talk, writer Sarah Montana takes us through her journey of forgiving her family’s killer. She offers an inside look at what we risk when we choose to forgive, and a hopeful glimpse of the freedom that lies on the other side of grief. Sarah Montana is a NYC based writer, editor, and branded content producer. She has ghost written book proposals for celebrity experts, some of which have been sold to publishers for six figures. She creates and shapes content for authors and business owners, including ebooks, reality TV pitches, articles, memoirs, and marketing copy. She is also a playwright and creates her own original content. Her most recent play, The Girl, The Ghosts, and the Minotaur was selected for a staged reading at Life Jacket Theater Company’s 2017 Proof of Concept Reading Series in New York City. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

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12 май 2024

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Комментарии : 965   
@aubreyalvarez7396
@aubreyalvarez7396 4 года назад
“Choosing myself was more important than being right”. That hit me.
@theresamcgallicher
@theresamcgallicher 3 года назад
It's always more important to be happy than to be right. 💖
@DineshBhatia
@DineshBhatia 3 года назад
Yes the best statement in this speech ❤️
@lalaland9646
@lalaland9646 3 месяца назад
Time stamp?
@arlonfoster9997
@arlonfoster9997 21 день назад
@@theresamcgallicher exactly I don’t care if I am right or wrong I just want to be happy
@lyssphan7700
@lyssphan7700 5 лет назад
“Forgiveness is a designed to set you free. When you say I forgive you, what you’re really saying is, I know what you did it’s not okay but I recognize that you are more than that. I don’t want to hold us captive to this thing anymore. I can heal myself and I don’t need anything from you.” Damn
@angelabender8132
@angelabender8132 5 лет назад
Lyss Phan "I don't need anything from you" That is the secret!
@anushkapandey9157
@anushkapandey9157 5 лет назад
omg
@phailie1784
@phailie1784 5 лет назад
she looks straight to the camera when she's saying it...
@macancela
@macancela 5 лет назад
Beautiful
@echamber
@echamber 5 лет назад
What if they aren’t more than that? What if they are just not a good person?
@megalosauru
@megalosauru 5 лет назад
"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis B. Smedes
@hk-1290
@hk-1290 2 года назад
That's beautiful..
@SummerSunny2024
@SummerSunny2024 2 года назад
Can you send me that quote?
@bobadiag
@bobadiag 2 года назад
Thank you 😊.!!
@barrypeterson6725
@barrypeterson6725 2 года назад
Love this statement!
@megalosauru
@megalosauru 2 года назад
@@barrypeterson6725 Thank you :)
@moniopolis
@moniopolis 4 года назад
This idea of "too soon to forgive" takes all the pressure off that I never knew I had
@thorinhannahs4614
@thorinhannahs4614 4 года назад
No kidding. Now it is about finding balance in everyday life while understanding forgiveness can be pretty far off.
@punbishal5874
@punbishal5874 4 года назад
Indeed! It takes years to heal and forgive. One can’t just say I forgive. The healing process is difficult. Have to reflect on the facts, what happened? what was done? How was it done ? Is there my fault ? Why did I trust this person? Self blame, self hate and anger and all of that. Then blame the other party who did the damage. But in the end, peace comes from forgiving the other side and forgiving yourself for trusting that person. In the end, forgiving and moving on is the key to peace.
@Jamieforeals
@Jamieforeals 3 года назад
Same
@MS-bs8dd
@MS-bs8dd 2 года назад
@@punbishal5874 well spoken. good questions too. so …. if I still feel dead inside, pretty much hidden behind a thin veneer, it means more processing. uggh
@LamNguyen-xh3rb
@LamNguyen-xh3rb 5 лет назад
"Forgiveness is only right when waiting for what we're owed comes at too high a cost"
@y9w1
@y9w1 4 года назад
Very true, thank you for that quote 🙏🌼
@rabiaalaroui
@rabiaalaroui 4 года назад
Felt that
@TheBillaro
@TheBillaro 2 года назад
it's only right then? how so? it's right to do immediately if you can.
@eco-friendlyvegangeek
@eco-friendlyvegangeek Год назад
@@TheBillaro yeah, holding onto resentment only eats away at us, no matter what the act was, and who committed it.
@kkurova9345
@kkurova9345 3 года назад
My boyfriend was murdered by his dad, and he hasn't had his trial yet. I'm not ready to forgive, but this video gave me hope that some day I might be.
@VivianixonArts
@VivianixonArts 3 года назад
My heart goes out to you, may your boyfriend rest in peace
@claireh4414
@claireh4414 3 года назад
@@rubenthompson5900 My path to forgiveness and repentance is none of your business. You need to take a long hard look at yourself before you judge anyone or try to speak for God. Your approach is aggressive and devoid of the compassion Christ taught. Consider this a warning.
@claireh4414
@claireh4414 3 года назад
@@rubenthompson5900 Yes, I'm aware of that. And my grieving process is God's business, not yours. I've made a to of progress towards forgiveness but it's not something that happens over night. You can't just say it and magically it happens. I want to have true forgiveness and with the help of my faith I am being guided there. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Have a heart. And face your own sin before bossing strangers around.
@theresamcgallicher
@theresamcgallicher 3 года назад
Oprah Winfrey says forgiveness is "giving up the hope that the past could have been different". I hope you feel better because you deserve to be happy no matter what has happened.
@janinaschick-holistichealt9977
@janinaschick-holistichealt9977 3 года назад
@@theresamcgallicher Thats the definition I use, too🌻
@jonathanbowens2401
@jonathanbowens2401 5 лет назад
One of the most perfect Ted talks I've ever seen. I love how you poured your heart into it while combining humor and intelligence. And still being deep and keeping us focused on your story. I'm sharing. Bravo madam.
@JustUsLeagueAZ
@JustUsLeagueAZ 4 года назад
Yes ❤. Thank you for saying what I was thinking ❤❤❤
@AmaritoMan
@AmaritoMan 4 года назад
You dame right my friend u nailed it bravo :)
@kuhusrivastava4443
@kuhusrivastava4443 2 года назад
Absolutely right!!
@cmbranders3986
@cmbranders3986 2 года назад
00000000000000000
@NestorMaravi
@NestorMaravi 2 года назад
I couldn’t agree more.
@cindyfarrimond8093
@cindyfarrimond8093 7 месяцев назад
Wow! This talk is amazing. It took me 60 years to forgive my father. That's a long time to have a hook in you.
@Achiaa.
@Achiaa. 3 года назад
"When we choose vengeance, we're actually signing a blood oath to chain our story to our enemy" .......that's deep.
@decoy2636
@decoy2636 3 года назад
Correct, we must reach a place where we have peace inside ourselves. Then we can move on
@Achiaa.
@Achiaa. 3 года назад
@@decoy2636 that's very true
@decoy2636
@decoy2636 3 года назад
@@Achiaa. that peace we seek is inside us already, and like you said seeking vengeance or holding a grudge is like a boat with the anchor out trying to move on
@Achiaa.
@Achiaa. 3 года назад
@@decoy2636 I find so much comfort in what you just said, I've been hurt so bad by some people in my life that I see like everyday, and my heart hurts everytime I see or think of them. I say and I believe that I have forgiven, yet I keep having this painful experience everytime and I just dont know what to do. It seems like I haven't gotten over the hurt, even though I want to really bad and it's just haunting
@decoy2636
@decoy2636 3 года назад
@@Achiaa. I'm too hurt inside starting with childhood and then a 4 decade long relationship with a covert narcissist. I don't make a good victim and revenge I can not have and keep my soul too. If you are religous prayer has saved me from a life of hate carrying grudges around It would be like carrying 10 bags on a plane for a 3 day vacation. The bad thing is we waking up thinking those thoughts every day. 3 days of that mindset I have survived. The rest of this life I refuse to be miserable because someone else did a wrong. I refuse to punish my self for what I haven't done. You simply can't repent for a sin you didn't commit yourself. I chose her I must accept half of any blame. I did not choose my childhood and refuse to forget I refuse to hate.
@stillnessspeaks1180
@stillnessspeaks1180 5 лет назад
This is the best talk on forgiveness I have ever heard. I was struggling to forgive some people in my life terribly. Thank you so much for the talk.
@cnbank
@cnbank 4 года назад
Couldn't agree more. If she can do it, literally anyone can.
@TheBillaro
@TheBillaro 2 года назад
me too
@kshiprahada2241
@kshiprahada2241 7 месяцев назад
Truly. I didn't know I needed this.
@wise-up-parenting
@wise-up-parenting 6 лет назад
Extremely moving, and poetically delivered, filled with inspiring metaphor, wisdom, and a refreshing new way to understand the grieving process. Thank you!
@iamchangingtoo
@iamchangingtoo 5 лет назад
I love how transparent she was in her truth and her feelings. She didn't ignore what she was feeling and went on a journey to fix what she needed to be addressed. In the process, she learned so much and given much to think about.
@nickandchrismom
@nickandchrismom 5 лет назад
I agree
@BrunoBatiston
@BrunoBatiston 4 года назад
I couldn't agree more!
@noreenvance5554
@noreenvance5554 2 года назад
I've tried to encapsulate this amazing talk for those of us who need the visual. The world gives us three reasons we need to forgive: 1. Forgiveness will make me a good person. 2. There is a lot of pressure to forgive, so they can feel more comfortable and move on. 3. You think forgiveness is a short-cut to healing. None of these are true so why forgive? It brings us freedom from the chains that bind us to the trauma and the other person. Vengeance is another form of prison; it entwines us with the other person. In order to forgive we have to get very specific because we can not forgive something that did not happen to us. Looking at our wounds is scary but "do it" as this lets us scar over and heal once we look at the injustice. We need to get clear about what exactly was unjust so that when we choose to forgive we know exactly what contract we are tearing up. "Forgiveness is only right when waiting for what we are owed comes at too high a cost." Life is simpler when we have a villain to fight. Real forgiveness let's go of all expectations, let's go of a villain, you can't expect a certain outcome. It is too soon to forgive if you are still in the throws of grief, pain and trauma. Forgiveness is worth it!
@Nasterco
@Nasterco Год назад
Thanks for summarizing it! It's perfect.
@jasminnairobi8940
@jasminnairobi8940 5 лет назад
I’ve seen a lot of ted talks. This was the most inspiring I’ve ever seen.
@rotony1
@rotony1 2 года назад
Yes, probably one of the best ones.
@IawakenedOne
@IawakenedOne Год назад
Sarah, I cannot thank you enough. The contrast of my pain against yours and the undeniable expression of thorough comprehension through the embodiment of truth has brought a clarity I have yet to truly know. You didn't just save yourself; you saved a piece of humanity with this video. From the center of my existence, Thank You.
@ShaunHolden
@ShaunHolden Год назад
Powerful words my friend! I hope you have managed to forgive yourself.
@CheezeTank
@CheezeTank 20 дней назад
This is the most powerful TED Talk I’ve ever watched.
@jonathanchow3401
@jonathanchow3401 5 лет назад
Thanks Sarah. I can't forgive my dad for the past and though I am still not able to, I now know why, and in time, maybe I can. I cried watching this. I cant tell you how much your share helped me.
@kanihassan7746
@kanihassan7746 5 лет назад
Hi Jonathan Had a similar situation as yours, and I know how hard it can be but I kinda got over it now thankfully. I would really recommend reading those two books, they helped me trumandsly "Strong at the broken places" by Linda Sanford and "The power of forgivness" by Joan Gattuso
@FeelTalks
@FeelTalks 5 лет назад
​@@kanihassan7746 Thank you for sharing! I've added these books to my read list. Being on the same boat to healing, i'm very much looking forward to learning more and letting myself be inspired by more beautiful ideas and incredible people.
@kanihassan7746
@kanihassan7746 5 лет назад
@@FeelTalks glad I could help :) I can assure that the destination is very fullfilling eventhough the journey might not be amusing
@nickandchrismom
@nickandchrismom 5 лет назад
Please keep endeavoring to forgive him and any others Jonathan. Forgiveness is freedom, forgiveness is for you. God bless you! Praying for you ❤
@pris402
@pris402 5 лет назад
Jonathan Chow fun and yummy
@goodgrief888
@goodgrief888 Год назад
“You think that forgiveness is a shortcut to healing.” Yep. And I’ve found that there are a lot of bad therapists out there who go right to forgiveness as if that will magically solve all of life’s problems, without even giving one a chance to talk about what it is that happened that you might need to be so gracious as to forgive. But yeah, how do I get there? I needed to move through my anger first. Sorry if that makes people uncomfortable 🤷‍♀️
@ElMagnificoRe
@ElMagnificoRe Год назад
Indeed, I was lucky to find a therapist that never pushed for anything. It's like she was guiding me around the pot holes of life and letting me see around. Eventually when your own minds opens up. You start to notice them by yourself, dodging them without anyone's help.
@sojo973
@sojo973 5 лет назад
Forgiveness is the only real path to freedom
@MohaMed-ig7ev
@MohaMed-ig7ev 5 лет назад
You're false
@claragrodeau499
@claragrodeau499 4 года назад
Moha Med why
@mitchcolburn1216
@mitchcolburn1216 4 года назад
@ThumperOne Exactly
@sonyaberkenpas5071
@sonyaberkenpas5071 Месяц назад
I’ve watched numerous of sermons on forgiveness and this Ted talk takes the gold trophy. Thank you for sharing your story. ♥️🙏🏽
@diniyozmatova4415
@diniyozmatova4415 5 лет назад
Damn she's such an amazing woman
@joi4705
@joi4705 4 года назад
Sarah, baby, this was church...God Bless & thank you for sharing your story. Your bravery is helping more ppl than you know🙌🏽
@growwithsonia
@growwithsonia Год назад
How does this video not have millions of views? This woman spoke not just her heart out but ultimate truth. Wouldn't be exaggerating if I said she taught me many lessons on how to live today and forever. God bless you always ♥️
@EB-mt9te
@EB-mt9te 4 года назад
"To get free you have to get super specific about what exactly it is that you’re forgiving because you cannot forgive something that didn’t happen to you……..the family cannot forgive murders because they were not killed, they can only forgive the pain ,anguish and grief that the loss caused them. This was a jackpot moment for me, I had to compartmentalize my damage"
@savannahglenn8909
@savannahglenn8909 4 года назад
this brought me to tears. I’m working on forgiving people who aren’t sorry and have done unacceptable things to me, this helped. thank you
@kawaiisenshi2401
@kawaiisenshi2401 5 лет назад
This one ted talk is going to take me 3 years to digest....just WOW absolutely amazing THANK YOU! Im excited to meet you one day
@razleydiocariza6588
@razleydiocariza6588 3 года назад
1 more year to go
@smile.dream.believe4199
@smile.dream.believe4199 2 года назад
Nearly there Yewwww
@TryingToBeLikeJesus
@TryingToBeLikeJesus 6 лет назад
I never knew you, Jim, or your mom personally but my and jim's choir director (Mr. Tutwiler) showed us this video. I never thought when I first watched this that I would watch it again so many times or show other people it as much as I have. This presentation has touched me and so many others more than I could have thought of. Thank you so much for sharing this story to the world and what exactly the real risk of forgiveness was.
@alyssastroh6558
@alyssastroh6558 4 года назад
This talk is so profound and absolutely AMAZING! I love Jesus and grew up in a Christian household all my life, where I heard more sermons on forgiveness than I can ever count, but also felt like not a single one of them gave practical ways in how to walk through that forgiveness process. This talk did it all in the span of 15 minutes. AMAZING!
@TheKrispyfort
@TheKrispyfort 5 лет назад
The most useful TEDx talk ever! Thank you
@charleneland1680
@charleneland1680 Год назад
This has to be the single most, to the point, gut wrenchingly honest video I have ever seen on forgiveness. Thank you…..I’m still in the construction phase, but I hope that I will someday be where you are in your journey to forgiveness.
@haleighspeaks2115
@haleighspeaks2115 5 лет назад
Just before I clicked on this, I thought to myself, "as inspiring and wonderful as all these TED talks are (I watch A LOT of them), I don't think I've ever seen one that's truly INCREDIBLE--near perfect in its message, delivery, writing and truth." Then, I finished watching this one... and I can no longer say that statement accurately. Bravo. This was truly incredible.
@MarcosSilva-tu9jm
@MarcosSilva-tu9jm 3 года назад
Oh, watch some of Andrew Solomons talks, he have 3 i think and they are awesome.
@hvacwork-zd5ph
@hvacwork-zd5ph 5 лет назад
Thank u so much for that. I feel like you showed me a path I can understand and follow. I'm so tired.
@efoxkitsune9493
@efoxkitsune9493 5 лет назад
Hi, might sound random from a stranger, but I hope you're well. Whatever you're going through, I'm wishing you all the best. You'll be okay. Sending love
@hvacwork-zd5ph
@hvacwork-zd5ph 5 лет назад
I'm good thank u for asking. I have a lot to learn, a lot to let go. Just taken me some time.
@efoxkitsune9493
@efoxkitsune9493 5 лет назад
@@hvacwork-zd5ph That's totally valid. Things take time. Letting go can be a long and difficult process. I myself am learning a lot lately, too, and I still have a long way to go. Well, I hope things go well for you. Take care!
@hvacwork-zd5ph
@hvacwork-zd5ph 5 лет назад
@@efoxkitsune9493 same here. And no one's going to figure it out for us only ourselves.
@lesliemcevoy
@lesliemcevoy 4 года назад
I keep thinking about you...let us know how you are doing. Reach out if you need help, a hug.... there are lots of people out here that care.
@justinkitto9756
@justinkitto9756 5 лет назад
One of my absolute favorite TED talks! She's so authentic...and she's right.
@sofiamcmarques
@sofiamcmarques 3 года назад
I cried through this video. I can't carry all this anger with me anymore, it's time to let it go. I'm writing a forgiveness letter. Thank you for reminding me that I still have the power to let it go
@humanityangle4530
@humanityangle4530 3 года назад
wow
@celiaracicot7857
@celiaracicot7857 5 лет назад
This is seriously so deep and this woman is wise beyond her years!! A therapist once told me that wisdom is having a tolerance for the ambiguity of man. This girl has nailed not only forgiveness but wisdom. Git it girl!
@nasreenhajibeigy3697
@nasreenhajibeigy3697 9 месяцев назад
First thing is saw was the video was for 15 mins n didn’t think I would sit through the whole talk, now I felt it ended so fast not realising 15 mins flew by. Brilliant and inspiring speaker❤
@jaclynjohnston
@jaclynjohnston 4 года назад
Why would ANYONE give this a thumbs down? It is amazing and life-changing. 💜
@karl9868
@karl9868 3 года назад
Here is a superwoman. Got emotional watching this, can’t imagine your pain. Sending you all the love and light in the world.
@fraziersworld3701
@fraziersworld3701 3 года назад
I am trying to forgive the man that killed my son...it's so hard .. This is very powerful
@beingearnest123
@beingearnest123 3 года назад
Maybe you are not ready to forgive yet, maybe the wounds are still too fresh. And that's absolutely okay. I'm very sorry for your loss
@fraziersworld3701
@fraziersworld3701 3 года назад
@@beingearnest123 I want to be ready. It's been a year. Thank you it's really hard.
@lollmao249
@lollmao249 2 года назад
I wish you all the best and i am here to support you. Please don't pressure yourself to forgive him it may hurt you more. Time will tell you when you are ready to. You are hurt because you still have a lot of love to give to your son , but hey look around you ..there are people ..you Can take that love you have for your son to the World. Life is still beautiful i Hope you will be able to see it.
@walliarauf7079
@walliarauf7079 2 месяца назад
" When we choose vengeance, we are actually signing a blood oath to chain our story to our enemies for the rest of time"
@babybrownie13
@babybrownie13 Год назад
This was exactly what I needed right now. I took notes and will be reading them again and again. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and message of the beauty and blessings of forgiveness. ❤❤❤
@tb150515
@tb150515 4 года назад
I am a RU-vid Junkie I'll admit it. This was one of the best videos I've ever watched in my life it's just what I needed today I was ready to give up thank you so much you're so beautiful
@BygoneT
@BygoneT 3 года назад
Just out of curiosity, in spite of being a youtube junkie, did you accomplish anything cool since the 12 months you posted this?
@theveganroot7896
@theveganroot7896 5 лет назад
What an eloquent speaker. Amazing!
@uncle_mike
@uncle_mike 2 года назад
This is by far one of the most intimate testimonies and invitational talks I've heard concerning forgiveness. Thankful for Sarah and her willingness to be vulnerable and I'm grateful for her growth through forgiveness.
@JayJay-lr5wm
@JayJay-lr5wm 5 лет назад
Seeing your attackers as nothing is what i was doing thinking i was letting go, u just spoke to me hun
@chalchihuites
@chalchihuites 5 лет назад
How can someone so young be so strong. Never in my life miserable life have I seen anyone like this. I am in awww. Woooow. Amazing woman. Thank you so much!!!!!
@WaveMix70
@WaveMix70 6 лет назад
Thank you for sharing your story and lesson about forgiveness. When I was a new teacher, your Mom told me that love is a powerful tool in the classroom. Love and forgiveness.
@nickandchrismom
@nickandchrismom 5 лет назад
Beautiful!
@tlindfld
@tlindfld 5 лет назад
What a beautiful young woman. Her strength makes her very beautiful
@adliberate
@adliberate 5 лет назад
I love how you show your grief, still hold it with you in the present. Bless your mum and dad and family.
@VioletEmerald
@VioletEmerald 5 лет назад
That made me cry repeatedly throughout the powerful, wonderful presentation. I'm still coming to terms with a certain murder in my life, where the person I loved like family and whom i felt deeply that I forgave was the murderer in the situation, who then killed himself in the same minute right after killing his victim. Then i felt a lot of weird shame for my forgiveness even if generally that's supposed to be something people are encouraged to do. I'm trying to understand why and how I came to forgive and i think this helped me get a lot more of how my extreme trauma of him doing this led to me needing to forgive intuitively in order to let go and be free.
@harryjones84
@harryjones84 2 года назад
OMG i am so sorry to hear about your experience but i swear i was just looking for a video or comment on exacctly THIS point...with many peopl understandably thanking her for making them not feel bad for not yet being able to forgive...I was still seeing if anyone else had experienced the feeling of being ABLE to forgive when others can''t and whether it is a faukt of mine
@iyanjopa-kaba9155
@iyanjopa-kaba9155 3 года назад
When she said that she’s got nothing left to lose, my heart broke for her😭💔
@julieprince5538
@julieprince5538 Год назад
7/22 Dear Sarah, I don’t know if you will see my comments all these years later. I want you to know your Divine message is still affecting humanity. My 14 year old Granddaughter ask me how to forgive and I shared my experience on how and why I forgive them I was guided to RU-vid and your story came up and I cried throughout and sent it to my Granddaughter. Out of our darkest times comes our ability to change humanity if we can find the courage. God Bless you and Thank you for sharing this beautiful message of Forgiveness ♥️♥️♥️ Much Love to All
@NestorMaravi
@NestorMaravi 2 года назад
Why forgive. Thank you for sharing that.
@deborahcontell1417
@deborahcontell1417 5 лет назад
I watched your video a good few weeks ago. And this past weekend, I have finally seen the light and experienced this forgiveness thing. Its totally legit.. I AM free..
@cenntraru
@cenntraru 5 лет назад
"Forgiveness is an earthly form of love". -- A Course in Miracles
@alinecardoso9668
@alinecardoso9668 3 года назад
Beautiful words 👏. I'm really sorry about what happened to your family, I wish no one would never feel this kind of pain.
@myriamtuttle
@myriamtuttle 2 года назад
Thanks a person I loved not knowing he was a sociopath harmed and disabled our 2 daughters and just worked something worse on the eldest. Though I tried to forgive MANY times I struggled and words coming from others that had not suffered what this woman and I have, only sparked rebellion/resentment inside. Listening to this speaker helped me: choose to put myself/wellbeing/ happiness on top of being right HUGE reality. "If you are bleeding you're not even close to forgive, if you can point to your scars and tell me how it happened, you are far from forgiveness" So true also. Forcing us to speed it up is fruitless. It hurts, getting over it and heal takes time and effort, many trials and errors, a super natural strength, etc the key is to always choose me over being right. THANK YOU
@mz6367
@mz6367 2 года назад
one of the best ted talks I have ever seen. I love how strong she is , and having the opportunity to tell jokes when you tell sad story impressing me
@mindfulnessasia1082
@mindfulnessasia1082 Год назад
Forgiveness is a decision. We can choose to forgive, or we can choose to hold on to hurt feelings and let them sit in our hearts like thorns.
@ShaunHolden
@ShaunHolden Год назад
It definitely is a decision, a tough one. But certainly worthwhile!
@garyrandall3059
@garyrandall3059 7 месяцев назад
This has been the single most educational lesson on forgiveness that I needed. Thank you so much Sarah!! You are an amazing example of thoughtfulness and intent when it comes to personal change.
@jerrym.3083
@jerrym.3083 2 года назад
Forgive. Then love. Love heals everyone. Love and forgiveness are key life tools. Use it often. It will release whatever it is that is consuming your time, and energy
@jenvioli5664
@jenvioli5664 5 лет назад
Oh wow, Sarah. This is incredible. Insightful. Beautiful. Moving. Thoughtful. I love and am so grateful for where you took us. Thank you, love you!
@jbela
@jbela 4 года назад
Thank you for this the most powerful ted talk, set me in tears. Forgiveness is tricky. I think you have to be ready to do so. Its like you are still giving a part of yourself just to clear the air and set you free. But i feel you still pay or feel the consequences.
@tushrabe
@tushrabe 2 года назад
Was searching "How to forgive someone who is not sorry and will hurt you again" came to this and since then its been on repeat for 3 days, will listen till I am ready.
@hturtyada9435
@hturtyada9435 4 года назад
IDK what to say already. Only those who truly "forgive" will know what it means. You first accept, then you cut off all the badness you kept feeding yourself and justify it as "look they made me like this". It's sooo easy to say but hard af, it takes wisdom, courage and never giving up on all the possibilities. I can resonate so much. She's amazing
@ikeandlindannene1209
@ikeandlindannene1209 5 лет назад
Very moving account that demonstrates the ups and downs of forgiveness but shows that ultimately there are profound personal enduring benefits from forsaking the offence. You are an inspiration Sarah!
@shellymillerleer
@shellymillerleer 5 лет назад
This talk offered a perspective on forgiveness that no one else has. Bravo! It was extremely helpful. Thank you.
@restymacalisang
@restymacalisang 2 года назад
I was crying the whole time watching this. It baffles me how you interject humour to a very painful experience. But, listening to your talk made me realize this is the power of true forgiveness. We are able to smile and laugh again because we freed ourselves from the chains of blame and hatred. Thank you Sarah!
@haniffmohamoodally
@haniffmohamoodally 3 года назад
Sarah, this is the bravest act of humanity to forgive the murderer, your most noble deed set you free from permanent grief, pain, and anger you would have experienced all your life, This is the final healing for you, You are an ongoing inspiration, May God bless you always.
@SH-vm1rz
@SH-vm1rz 5 лет назад
Wow 1000 times u realy exposed your self and gave a good reason and ways for forgiveness...thanks
@lucyg1606
@lucyg1606 5 лет назад
Thank you so so much for this. This got to a place that after almost three years of unimaginable suffering and working with several professionals who purport to help people recover from a traumatic experiences couldn’t. In fact it was making things worse, because the advice was always “get structure, be diligent about your routine, exercise, get out there, fake it till you make it etc” - and I just couldn’t and it was making feel worse & worse about myself. Somebody did something really cruel, violent, damaging even - and I had a really hard time getting over it. I used to be such a joyous person, I loved my job, I helped a lot of people, had friends, loved nature, running, and after that happened it was just taken away. All professionals were saying I allowed it to be taken from me, I need to reclaim it, which essentially was blaming me for what happened. Not that such a abomination is ever okay, no matter what, but to me it happened at workplace, you just don’t ever think it could. And I couldn’t do anything about it which was horrible, as I was told that not only I will never be able to prove anything but that they would come after me because I signed an agreement to not make disparaging remarks - that was before the horrible thing happened of course - and I did go to several different attorneys who told me the same thing - it’s hard to prove, and the company will come after me for slander. It just about broke me. I am still a highly qualified professional but I was lacking confidence and didn’t think I was good enough for any job. I stopped running, doing anything really that used to cause joy. I have never lacked discipline, but I just couldn’t get out of bed in the morning - and all the professional advice “just make yourself - go exercise, don’t check your phone, etc. only worked at times, I really really tried. And you know what, I am glad I did not just pop out of bed this morning, but somehow this talk popped on my feed, and this was profound. I don’t know - but I hope it will help further. I wrote those letter verbatim (but I am not mailing them), to the horrid people, to incompetents professionals who were telling me just to snap out of it. Now I actually don’t have to force myself to go running, it’s so much joy, i would rather just jump of bed and go running because I want to - and how said that I didn’t do anything wrong, quite the opposite, asked for help, used up all my savings, and it was just making me feel worse & worse, But fine. I found this, and it helped. I am going to play this talk at my support group meeting - hopefully it can help others. I was a person people called when they needed positivity, I had a talent for making people feel safe and empowered. But I had not been able to do it for so long. I was trying so hard, made myself to stick to structure, but I still couldn’t smile ever, and I used to laugh so much, people called me whenever they just needed encouraging. We all have different gifts, and that was mine, and I almost lost it. Essentially the crime robbed all the people I could have been helping too. Thank you so much. Oh and this not by all means an encouraging to start your day with your phone, but in this case it was the best thing ever, so no advice is always universally applicable. I think I will recover now. Thank you so much. I am a very private person and this is by far the most frank I’ve ever been about private things. Thank you so much.
@babelalley2778
@babelalley2778 Год назад
I watched it twice and I’m balling. What a beautiful story told with so much vulnerability, humor and authenticity. And I think it’s the first time I really understood forgiveness. I texted this to all my friends. Thank you for sharing this with the world.
@jessiethoma3409
@jessiethoma3409 5 лет назад
Out of the plethora of Ted Talks I have watched, listened, and analyzed, this is by far the most eloquent and seemingly understandable approach and delivery. You forgive the feelings that you feel because of the person or situation, you cannot forgive what does not happen to you, But you can relinquish what it made you feel like. Intent or not, when someone or something happens to you, that feeling is validated whether they were trying to evoke that response or not. Clarity is the key to longterm peace, communication, and life.
@murphielaw443
@murphielaw443 5 лет назад
I couldn’t help but cry. Thank you. Your words are beautiful.
@efoxkitsune9493
@efoxkitsune9493 5 лет назад
This... This is such a revelation. I never fully understood forgiveness. I would always wonder, how can you forgive someone who didn't hurt you directly, but someone you love? And also, how do you forgive yourself if you don't know whether the person you've hurt has forgiven you or not? To me it always seemed like saying you didn't _care_ anymore about hurting them. This blew my mind. I'm starting to get closer to understanding it. The speech was amazingly delivered and it all made so much sense. I can't even put into word how much this touched me. I thank you, Sarah Montana, from the bottom of my heart. I hope you're doing well, wherever you are.
@ronaldallison797
@ronaldallison797 3 года назад
Wow “ i hated to be reduced to one thing that happened to me one day, i yearned for more, to be whole” that really spoke to me
@jacklinjackson5940
@jacklinjackson5940 Год назад
I can’t thank enough for this talk . For the past days , woke up , crying , talking myself , created the characters and chained my self with them . Thank you , it’s time to move on . Thank you for the incredible journey that you shared with us ❤
@yomamasofat413
@yomamasofat413 5 лет назад
This video is so deep. I don’t understand what is forgiveness and how come i shouldn’t expect an apology or something. I’m still lost...
@bahgpappan5298
@bahgpappan5298 3 года назад
Let me explain. No one knows my side. I dnt know what I did ??
@SalsaColombia
@SalsaColombia 5 лет назад
This made me cry. It is true, it is about them, it is never about you.
@jnoel7166
@jnoel7166 Год назад
The fact she can say this story without crying made me stronger💯
@reemm.a5409
@reemm.a5409 5 лет назад
Omg! I was extremely touched by this talk.. l hope her all the best of life and healing..
@wisepersonsay3142
@wisepersonsay3142 5 лет назад
Wonderful. Truthful. My respect for the young honest speaker. I always get frustrated when the preachers of any religion preach about ''forgiveness' when they cannot even do it by themselves. Hypocrisy angers me a lot. Over the years I learnt that only the handful of the mankind know the truth about anything. I hope to belong to the handful.
@rookzen
@rookzen 5 лет назад
This was incredible Sarah! Forgiveness is a subject sparingly talked about. You really inspire me to take a deep look into my life and see the lessons I can learn from my past. Your demeanor is outstanding with a blend of humor, bravery, and intelligence. Fantastic job!!
@josephharmon1202
@josephharmon1202 Год назад
So true, so raw, so relatable. Thank you for not adding pressure to those who experienced hurt and trauma by expecting quick or easy forgiveness.
@thwh77
@thwh77 3 года назад
I never thought about Forgiveness. I literally don't even understand the concept as a whole. I set myself free by just leaving it all behind.
@galina_niyazov
@galina_niyazov 5 лет назад
Very moving! Beautiful! Deep! Thank you so much for your vulnerability and your presentation!
@DannyTillotson
@DannyTillotson 5 лет назад
8:47 "In Judaism the family cannot forgive murderers because they were not killed. They can only forgive the pain, anguish and grief that the lost caused them... I had to compartmentalise my damage. Not what happened to Mum and Jim... What happened to me."
@zzulm
@zzulm 3 года назад
Surprising, thanks for sharing.
@genesis_888
@genesis_888 3 года назад
Wow, had not thought of it this way. Thank u for sharing ❤️
@yoelauer
@yoelauer 2 года назад
I'm looking for the source of this idea in Judaism. Does anyone know about it?
@beingearnest123
@beingearnest123 3 года назад
I wasn't expecting this to hit me the way it did. Beautifully worded and so, so profound. I will keep coming back to this for years to come. Thank you, Sarah!
@IyadAlnachef
@IyadAlnachef 4 года назад
One of the most powerful TedTalks I watched! Thank you for sharing your journey! We all have these villains who chain us to painful memories holding us back from living our lives freely. Turning forgiveness from an abstract and idealistic concept to a tool that one can effectively use to thrive in life is powerful.
@yeledleany8165
@yeledleany8165 3 года назад
I’ve been searching for this for all my life! Thank you SO much for sharing this talk. Was so tired of being told to forgive others, but not ever being given any instructions on HOW to do it. You have no idea how much you have blessed my life with this. Thank you.
@pantirapalm
@pantirapalm 5 лет назад
I’ve been trying to forgive for two years. This is the best material I’ve ever come across about forgiveness. Thank you so much 🙏🏼💛✨
@Jfmoorejr
@Jfmoorejr 6 месяцев назад
One of the fastest 15:53 in my life. Great recovery themed video. When we forgive, the desired outcome is not a positive, self-seeking reaction or validation from the offender, it is sustainable contentment within ourselves when acceptance is truly achieved and there is no longer an offense. The guy in prison could have a "whatever" attitude when he received her letter, it doesn't matter either way what his reaction is.
@johnmcintyre2123
@johnmcintyre2123 Год назад
Glad that I found this video. She’s so strong in her resolve and clear in her communication and purpose. I hope that I will be able to reach the same place as her.
@alfonsorodriguez2739
@alfonsorodriguez2739 5 лет назад
Wow, this is an amazing talk. I have seen many in the past but this one is authentic and it touches my heart. I will see it many times through my life as needed. God bless you for giving us such a wonderful talk.
@Nicole_Zyon
@Nicole_Zyon 5 лет назад
This is the greatest Ted talk, as well as the greatest speech I have heard in my time, and I thank you for executing/ orchestrating this in a way to have an effect in changing my life. You are love. Thank you.
@ajc2208
@ajc2208 5 лет назад
Thank you so much for your heartfelt, inspirational story. It came at the perfect time for me over a life situation from the recent past I was still very resentful about. God bless you for sharing and enlightening those of us still struggling in the darkess.
@nicks6036
@nicks6036 2 года назад
ive seen so many ted talks and this one hit my heart like no other. amazing.
@rosewhite6853
@rosewhite6853 4 года назад
I have watched several videos, and have been reading online about forgiveness, this is the first information that was clear and present help. Thank you for your video!
@jeffreyryan4686
@jeffreyryan4686 5 лет назад
Thank you Sarah! After watching this I do believe that lucky number 7 is my year to forgive. I appreciate this so much. I am forever grateful.
@leosrock0130
@leosrock0130 Год назад
This is by far the best, most real, raw, honest, and brave Ted talks I've ever seen. Way to go! Really makes me want to forgive myself finally and find out what I'm really capable of. I was absent from most of my daughter's life due to on and off addiction and got clean 2 years ago when she was 13. Thank you
@tulipsforever
@tulipsforever 4 года назад
Thank you for sharing your experience. I could see it was painful for you. I agree its difficult and no one tells you how...I am still searching. .. your talk was very encouraging. God bless 🙏🙏🙏
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