Tom it is such a powerful concept to have the strength to share your deepest weaknesses and trust each other. Another was to recognize “Wtf would want to be in a relationship where the other person is better at everything than you?” Us being peers but good at different things... is magic Thank you
I recently learned that unresolved trauma can affect all aspects of our lives mentally, physically and spiritually. Which secret hits hardest for me is that I do not trust and so I'm learning to discover what causes me to feel untrust🙏🕊️👸🌹.
Thank you for bringing this to light ! Yes the biggest problem is we never knew what it was or meant in the first place. 🥰. People’s perception on love can change and it’s a must to be able to communicate those triggers especially while forming a new dream a new manifestation….. it’s crazy how we are only mirrors of our reactions most times the human consciousness can’t even see that pattern. Everyone grows in phases but are you with me or against me. Love that tennis phras. You guys are so cute to still have that spark and respect for one another. Twin flames 🔥…..God bless you both 🎉
It's nice to see an authentic conversation between two human beings in a romantic relationship that have the best intentions for each other. The willingness to put in work, to take accountability, to admit life is more grey than expected and complicated. And to push through the hard times and continue to flourish.... it's just nice to see... well done and happy Anniversary to you both.
Yes, I agree with you 100%. It is great to see an authentic relationship like they have, congratulations to them for fighting through the hard times and flourishing in their relationship as well. Thank you for sharing this, TJ! ❤️
@@lisabilyeu8103 i absolutely adore this . It has been a tremendous success. Thank you sooo much. I feel related and totally understand every single line of the conversation THANK YOU GUYS!
I have a question. How do males and females bond with each other? I don't see how men and women can bond (especially romantically) with each other. Men and women think very differently from each other. Women can build incredible friendships and become very close to each other in a way men can't bond, and science shows that women can bond very well with each other. Generally, women are even more social than men are. After something bad happens, a woman quickly rushes to talk to all of her female friends to get support, whereas a man can isolate himself and grief alone. Women tend to be more emotionally intelligent, more caring, more empathic, more compassionate, more affectionate, more loyal, more nurturing, more understanding, more sympathetic, more sensitive, more kind-hearted, more peaceful, more calmer, more gentle, more expressive, more intuitive, and more outward than men are, and thus bond more with other women in a special way that they can’t with men. Men, on the other hand, are not that emotional, and thus can’t bond with other men in a special way. Women are more comfortable being around with other women than they are with men. They have a type of bond that usually men with women won’t really have, or with men and men. Also, girls that are friends touch each other in ways that guys just don’t.
Excellent video! I’m 65 years old , married 42 years and it’s SUCH a relief to hear young people like you two speaking truth so honestly about how to make marriage work . You guys are incredible and here’s hoping you continue to excel and share wisdom with the world .
Just watched this with my husband. We stopped every now and then, to discuss what we heard and how it applies to our lives and our communication. Every time we’d start playing the video again, you guys would come to the same conclusion, my husband and I had just gotten to… It’s so enlightening to see someone else communicating like this, when I normally don’t know anyone who talks about everything, like my husband and I do! Still it had so many new aspects we had never talked about before, but will definitely keep in mind to implement in our communication…
@@lisabilyeu8103 I love the video, will rewatch it again and again, it is so powerful and valuable! Thank you for putting out such important content! One of the most interesting conclusions from the video and our discussions, was: We work so well together because we TALK all the time, where other couples don’t talk (real meaningful communication) as much in a year, as we do in one week!
I applaud the couple for the ability to grow together in such a beautiful way ❤ The main take away - communication, honesty, respect of the other’s feelings and goals, pick up and uplift your partner in hard times and ask for their help to make them feel needed and powerful
*“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending...”* *―C. S. Lewis* I may not know you personally, but I believe in you my friend! 🙏
Love as a feeling is not enough. But love as an action is. My foundation of love for God and my wife allows me to DO whatever I need to do to better my marriage and myself. Love is an action. It's what you do.
This interview is fanstastic! It's more than just love in a marriage. It's putting the other person first, and going on the journey together. Growing together, communicating about every area of your life., and finally committment to each other. Kudos for sharing and having this indepth talk. It is greatly appreciated. Thank you so much!
Smart people, in or out of a relationship, will be well-served to watch this a couple of times and think on it. I’ll be doing that. It’s going to be a source of strength and constant change as time goes by in any commitment. 5 Stars!!
I'm obsessed with the way you two talk to each other. The most helpful tip I've ever heard you guys talk about and continually NEVER learn enough from is your tea analogy. It's totally life changing. I aspire to connect with others the way you guys connect and talk. The energy is INFECTIOUS!!
I love this! I have to say my husband & I had a rocky beginning but after watching this video I know we’re heading the right away. My husband has been opening himself up to me more and asking the why did you react this way. It’s working and our marriage is so much better. We’re on year 8 ❤️ it seems like we finally are getting it
@TomBilyeu the point you make at minute 58 is HUGE. It’s the core of your marriage’s superpower. It takes both sides to be able to bear through each item and truly process the core of any conflict. If only one party, or neither party is capable of that, the partnership is done. Kudos
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When you listen to the exchange, it feels like they are build and absorbing each others energy. They are a complete atom. Also I hope in her book how does she manage her gentle nature with her aggressive nature. How does those two nature within her not clash. Watching their journey as a couple and watching her pick out relationships theory and watching her experiment with different introduction styles in women of impact. I can't wait to read her book. I think it host another unlock.
I just stumbled upon your relationship discussion videos between you and your wife yesterday. Your discussions are so helpful and full of wisdom to have a happy, successful, long-term marriage. I am very grateful. Your videos will help so many married couples. Thank you immensely. I greatly appreciate your videos. I will listen to them daily.😊
Love her analogy of doubles in tennis instead of competing against each other. On a smaller level my husband and I went through the same life change when I left a steady job and wanted to reinvent myself. Everything the two of you courageously share here rings true.
Communication is the key, and everyone said to speak to each other. They key is to hear each other from their perspective. It's a game changer. Thank you for sharing
The Two of You Are Beautiful. This is what vulnerable, honest & sheer love looks like. I think Mutual Respect is the foundation of a long lasting relationship & the two of you are great role models 🦸♂️🦸♀️
I think of relationships in a different way. We are not supposed to be together forever. We are like borrowed books from the library. Stay together if you can grow and learn together. But if that's no longer possible then wish each other well and move on.
I’d like to know more on your perspective here. Is it possible to have dynamic growth in a relationship. Could marriage be supplemented by community and mentors and mutual projects and exploration. Can you consider the compatibility traits and core values of a mate before long term commitment and determine the longevity of a relationship by properly maintaining communication and interest in each other? People easily think they have their partners figured out because we create narratives that give us the sense of security we need. We see what we look for. So I’ve recently looked at this conclusion myself and am deeply questioning if it’s meant to be changing mates or if people are less willing to do the work needed to accurately determine the areas of incompatibility or pain and reconcile. If I’m honest with myself I might be slightly cynical about love. But I recently heard someone say, you can’t be a cynic of love and simultaneously attract it.
@@olmorehouse I'm not at all cynical about love. I actually consider myself an optimist. I love love. But here is what makes me different. I choose not to wear rose colored glasses. Love is not like it's made to be in the fairytale. You won't find "The One" and live happily ever after. That probably sounds pessimistic I suppose 🤣 but I don't see it that way. What you will find are people that will help you on your journey to learn whatever it is you came on this earth to learn. Life and love are like How to manuals- how to be compassionate, how to stand up for yourself and become confident, how to find your worth, how to communicate of course, how to have a healthy loving relationship with yourself and others etc. And some people do stay together for a long time as long both are willing to work together. And then there are some that just grow in different ways in different directions. It's possible to outgrow a person and when that happens it's better to move on. I don't believe in marriage myself but I do believe that yes it's possible to work things out with mentors and the community helping you but that's not the case for everyone. I just think the society doesn't tell you the truth about relationships. People get into relationships and/or marriage thinking it's going to be butterflies and sunshine and then find themselves in a hellhole. And that is unacceptable.
@@shwetanavani480 I absolutely agree that people enter into marriage naively and underprepared. How could they know what they need to know without the firsthand experience? even their experiences are entirely determined by the dynamics they witnessed in their parental figures and people they were close enough to witness the intimate relationship dynamics of. They unconsciously gravitate to recreate the environment they grew up in. Just for clarifications sake I was not calling you a cynic of love. I was sharing the quote in the interest of understanding that mindset determines outcome. I myself married someone I met and dated from a young age spending 16yrs with him. There were a myriad of factors that played into the dissolution of our marriage however I have grown and healed from the experience we had and I am still learning and growing in each relationship. I do still believe a long healthy marriage should be pursued especially where there are children involved. Emphasis on “Healthy”. An unhealthy relationship dynamic is not healthy for children to witness.
@@shwetanavani480 Some actually do find “The One”. I should also add that sometimes unknown to ourselves we avoid that love because we determine we don’t deserve it or even worse we feel more comfortable in dysfunction. It’s safer to stay in the patterns of familiarity.
@Vanessa House if the relationship is toxic or if the two people genuinely believe that they can't be together then absolutely yes. Dr Shefali Tsabary says that in the end it doesn't benefit children if their parents stick it out just for them but are unhappy in their relationship. I have personal experience in this. My parents fought all the years I was growing up. So I thought love meant control, fights, tears. And then I looked for that when I got into a relationship. So in the end do you think it made things better or worse for me? I couldn't wait to leave that house. And I don't really have a great relationship with either of my parents.
Timmy confuses feelings with thinking GOLD! LISAS safricies for 8 years for the "team" GOLD. TOMS transition to acceptance of her change and then supporting her change. GOLD. You two as individuals and as a power couple, EXTRODINARY! Thanks fur being you!
The number of times I felt "Awweeeee" 🥰on this interview was off the charts! Y'all are adorable! And it's all true. My partner and I went through EVERY thing you mentioned as far as the communication skills are concerned. You nailed it. Regarding whether or not love is enough, it depends on how you define love. I agree that the FEELING of love is not enough. But I do believe that if you define love as a verb/behavior, then it is indeed enough because to give love to someone is to have faith in them, to trust their intentions are good and know that they have your back and they are doing the best they can with what they have, etc. Loving someone means you don't underestimate their character and you treat them with respect and kindness and admiration for their strengths. When you understand what love is, then I do believe that's "All" you need. I put "all" in quotes because it's not a simple thing. It requires you to check your ego at the door, be willing to look inward and recognize your own shadow parts, put yourself in another person's shoes, and do so when you may be hurting, be willing to be vulnerable which is very scary sometimes, learn how to listen REALLY REALLY well, etc. But despite the skills required to actively love someone, the reward is infinite. The richness and nuance of the connection is so worth it. There's nothing better. 😍
What you’re hitting on at minute 49 reminded me of this beautiful quote: “To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart and to sing it to them when they have forgotten.” Arne Garborg
Love you two together. Partnership is evolving always. We are moving towards each other or away as we grow. Such a beautiful emotionally intelligent couple.
Wow. This gold, and it punches through many levels: 1) Your collective courage to put yourselves out there for us to listen & watch. This alone speaks to a rock solid relationship, with a foundation of courage & strength of character 2) Your willingness to openly explore how you feel with each other. Especially for men, this is extremely rare 3) Now we have a sense of how badass your Lisa is. Rock solid person, spouse, sense of humor etc. 4) Lisa's insights are solid gold. I'd like to submit a totally obvious idea here (I'm not known for originality) - she should start her own podcast, I'd subscribe in an instant :) I've already forwarded this to two people, so use that as an indicator of how valuable I've found this. Oh, and I'm only 20 minutes in for Pete's sake. WELL DONE, you guys both kick ass and you've got a ton to be proud of as people.
This is your Lisa. I heard you so much talking about your wife and thought who is she. And I love her! I listen both of you at work. You are both great, kind and smart people! Power couple!!!!
Above all else your willingness to communicate and articulate your feelings is what I feel has set you both apart. All the other great facets of your relationship appears to have been built upon this. God bless you both.xx
I agree. Anything good comes with pain attached to it. Because nothing lasts forever and when you don't have it you'll be in pain but I believe it's still worth it
That's the natural progression of life. We all must evolve. We all want more. Good for Lisa for getting more, WAY MORE.. and great for Tom for being supportive.
Minutes 30 and on, is a lot of what happening in our almost 8 year relationship and now he called it quits because he needs to love himself. This gave me a lot of insight of what was and is going on. TY!
Not even 8 minutes in and already have goosebumps. Your chemistry and how you feed off each other and get so excited is soooo contagious. I'm excited for the rest of the video. :)
I can totally relate… I went from a General Manager of a Hotel for years to be a stay at home wife co-owner/ operator of a construction that I had no experience in but some relatable/transfer skills in. It was a really hard day to day transformation. I still struggle 3 years later at times.
I Love how well you know each other! How much you allow each other. It’s so inspiring; to live to get to know myself and another person so deeply. To grow, individually and together! You’ve both taught me so much! But this conversation has been the most eye opening for the most important, to me, topic! Thank you for everything you both do and who you both are together and individually.
The tennis analogy is good, taking it further when your team mate misses a shot, gets tired your stull on the same team. It is a game (or race) sometimes serious but your both are committed to stay, play and why not have some fun too.
Wow eye opening As he explained why her having a cup of tea was disrespectful from his perspective. I can a 100% see that scenario playing out between my husband and I several times and I know that he thinks a lot like Tom so I can completely see that perspective now that I could not be for. TY!
100% agree with this way of thinking. You guys picked well even though you got married young and I'm so glad and glad couples like this exist! What I've learned, a growth mindset (if you have one) is a must, and if someone messes with your self-worth this a non-negotiable and exit (even if there's confusion and mixed feelings, figure out what self worth is and if it's getting messed with, leave the relationship).
Be brave, your heart will lead you the way, to a new version of yourself, full of love and light, finally you recognise the illusion of negative patterns of the mind and you are moving forward with great inner peace, much love to all of you 🙏✨❤️
Thank you Lisa. Your podcast has helped me psychologically in so many ways. I didn't have any role models growing up, but you're my role model as a grown woman now. ☺️
Love how they communicate if more couples could do this with this type of transparency we as a society would be so much better off. But you have to find who you are before having this type of partnership.
I love you guys, you are my role models for relationship. In my 40ties still have not found anyone willing to work on such relationship. Hope to find one day my own "Tom" to be his "Lisa". xxx thank you for the great content.
I used to watch these 2 in separate shows not knowing they were related. Interesting how they “hmmm,” nod and make serious faces the same way. I wish this was not rehearsed
Excellent. These are the kinds of conversations we need to be having-much-more of. Thanks for sharing of how to overcoming struggle together, while at the same time becoming stronger as individuals. Beautiful and inspiring. You have a fierce dynamic.
Work hard for what you want because it won't come to you without a fight. You have to be strong and courageous and know that you can do anything you put your mind to. If somebody puts you down or criticizes you, just keep on believing in yourself and turn it into something positive.
I have worked my entire life to this work, as I believe it is the way to peace and joy in all relationships. I am so impressed to see the amount of effort you both put into your lives, as individuals and a solid couple. This made my day!!! So happy you shared. The world we be changes because of your stories!
I have been dating, seeing, loving and struggling with my American guy for almost 10 years, my native is Chinese btw. Watching you two having the conversation like an art. So amazing! Thank you Lisa and Tom and I have learned so much from you both.
Best role models for how to navigate through the challenges in a relationship. Thank you for ur honesty, openness and being vulnerable enough to provide true value.. 😘
This is exactly what ive been working on and as far as triggers go what has worked for me is when the trigger arises not only trying to tell him my trigger was hit but ALSO let myself try to explain WHY i was hurt... this has helped me get to the root of some triggers and i also am able to respond appropriately
Thank you so much guys! This is what is needed. True authenticity from power couples to others going through the pains of relationships and understanding points of references and the other's point of view. 🙏🏽
This is helpful. My husband and I are recently married from two completely different backgrounds. We are currently discovering our perceptions of small things like your "cup of tea" are very very different. Eventually we have to stop and think well what is the real reason, later we find that we misunderstood each other. Thanks for this episode .
OMG 😱 thank you so much MR. And Mrs. Bilyeu this has been the awakening needed for me and my fiancé! We literally were having the same arguments in the same situations and wow 😯 you just made it clear on how we can move forward! I love your show!
Great convo. You two are a cool couple. But important to keep in mind the absence of kids where it's just the two of you attending to each other. It's almost a luxury.
WOW! We need transparency like this as an example and guidance. It is emotional to me in the sense that it is truly possible to carry on a relationship with all the bumps on the road joyfully and peacefully. I’ve always believed it💗 We need to be willing to be uncomfortable to push through to the other side of success. Thank you for this discussion. Blessings 💪🏼💫💃🏽
I think people fall in love and the expectation is that it will be this continual level of flowers and rainbows for the rest of your life. Maybe movies and TV are to blame for this. The reality is you have to choose love every day. You have to focus on every reason you love that person and understand that you have conversations about the things that bother you and be honest. Love changes. It grows and weakens. When it weakens, like your muscles, it’s time to put in more work to make the relationship healthy again. Of course it helps to have an amazingly understanding wife.
Yes, I so agree with you. Love is a choice. Yeah, the movies shows more of a fantasy and how a relationship should look like, you make a great point about this. And to add to what you're saying which is all true, gratitude also plays a big part and just taking the time to write out every day 5 things that you're most grateful for about your partner. This has helped my relationship in so many ways. Thank you for sharing your input and advice, David! :)
Wow, they made a lucrative business through discussing their own relationship. Talking is so important in a relationship. For this couple it works; but personally I think some couples are loyal & reliable to each other without all of this discussion, but that brings them to a different business category.
Listening to you two talk, I realize the woman I fell in love this year taught me one of the most important lessons of my life. I was a player of sorts and she taught me.... honesty. Youre not being honest youre setting up for desaster.
Love can be both a noun and verb. The problem is that far too many of us only see it as an inanimate descriptor instead of an interactive determinant in regards to our ability to navigate this existence, and the relationships therein.
