The Surprising Reason Why Women Leave Good Men

Подписаться 15 тыс.

Просмотров 10 тыс.

50% 1

Women leave good men, men who are good providers, good husbands and good fathers because they miss one critical thing. If you're a man who learned to suppress your emotions, that suppression may be the reason she left the marriage.
If you want to stop the pain of divorce, regain your confidence and move forward with purpose, hope and energy, then I can help.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Watch the FREE Masterclass: How to Take Back Control Of Your Life After Divorce
► resources.rachaelsloancoachin...
Get the FREE Better Beyond Divorce App
► resources.rachaelsloancoachin...
Join the Better Beyond Divorce Course & Community:
► resources.rachaelsloancoachin...
Your divorce can either be the nail in your coffin, or it can be the catalyst you use to finally confront and heal your emotional wounds so they don't handicap you in relationships. You can become the best version of yourself and take control of your future.
Additional Resources
Free Masterclass: HOW TO TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AFTER DIVORCE
► resources.rachaelsloancoachin...
Guide: Emotional Stages of Divorce for Men & How to Heal within Each Stage
► resources.rachaelsloancoachin...
Dating After Divorce Checklist: Are you ready to date after your divorce?
► resources.rachaelsloancoachin...
Work with Me
Coaching Programs ➭ www.rachaelsloancoaching.com/...
Learn more ➭ rachaelsloancoaching.com
Shoot me an email ➭ rachael@rachaelsloancoaching.com
Helpful Books for Divorced Men (affiliate links)
► The Full Body Presence - Gives gentle, accessible exercises for somatic processing of emotional pain and trauma
amzn.to/3umFPkj
► The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time
amzn.to/3F326IS
► Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself - Concrete tools and exercises for rewiring the brain and reimagining your sense of self and purpose
amzn.to/3BaDyg9
► Legendary - Inspiration and a powerful perspective for stepping into your potential
amzn.to/3H6ofsF
► The Myth Of Normal: Trauma, Illness & Healing in a Toxic Culture - Brilliant, in every way. This is an amazing resource for understanding yourself and your ex wife and finding the clarity or compassion you need to forgive.
amzn.to/3UxdsuC
► Lost Connections: Why You're Depressed and How to Find Help - Intense and well researched. I would recommend this book when you are past the early stages of divorce and have a stable support system in place.
amzn.to/3VNMOi7
I’m Rachael Sloan, Master NLP Practitioner, certified life coach, and the creator of Better Beyond Divorce. I've helped hundreds of men move past the shock, betrayal, grief and anger they experience both during and after a divorce, to a place of clarity, calm and confidence. I hope to help you do the same.
DISCLAIMER: I am a Master NLP Practitioner and personal growth mentor. The material in this video represents my understanding and experience and nothing more. This content is not meant to replace professional medical advice, treatment or diagnosis. Always consult your medical provider before making any changes to your treatment.
Why do women leave good men?
This is one of the top questions I get asked as a divorce recovery coach. Many of my clients come to me confused. They were good husbands. They were faithful. They worked hard. Made good money. They were great fathers.
And yet she left.
Why?
If you've been following you know I've been focusing on emotional security. But there is another element at play here, and that is the fact that many men learn to suppress their emotions in order to succeed.
This might not seem like such a big deal, yet it is often the root cause for divorce.
The problem with emotional suppression is that when you do it, it probably works well most of the time. It helps you succeed in your career and it helps you stay in your logical, rational brain. So you may very naturally expect other people to do the same.
But when you expect someone else to suppress what they feel they often interpret that expectation as rejection, not an expression of love.
None of this is your fault. You didn't choose to suppress your emotions, and you didn't know how she was really feeling when you expected her to do the same. But if you take the time to become curious and more aware, understanding these ideas will help you avoid painful disconnection in the future.

Опубликовано:

20 мар 2023

Ссылка:

Скачать:

Готовим ссылку...

Добавить в:

Мой плейлист

Посмотреть позже

Комментарии : 104

@767dag Год назад

they want u to be all emotional there , but Criticize you when you share your first vulnerability …. the entire world of relationship is all upside down , truly…. it’s alway the man’s fault and that what the women believe .

@gettingschooled3094 5 месяцев назад

As a man you are always in the wrong. I was vulnerable with my emotions and showed emotional intimacy. It's crazy making

@dwest4297 Год назад

Thank you Rachael for this video. As I listened I gained more clarity into my own situation. My wife of 21 years just told me this week that she wants a divorce. Although I am very sad, I understand why. I have suppressed my emotions and intimacy from her for a very long time (maybe the entire marriage). Instead of connecting with her emotionally, I was hyper-focused on being "the provider". I worked/work a lot of hours and we have financial security. I do my part at home with chores and other household things. I believe I am a great dad. These were all the things I was taught by my dad. You know "how to be a man" and "what men do". Upon reflection, I wish I would have be more aware of what she needed from me. It seems so obvious now, but after all this time her heart is closed and I understand that. Of course I feel terrible about it (although again I was just doing what I was taught). Now we move on... we've agreed to a collaborative divorce, sharing custody, and trying to be the best parents we can for our son. Rachael, trust me I will work on making changes to not repeat the mistakes I've made. Thank you again.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Год назад

You're welcome. I'm glad this video was helpful, although I'm very sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you are finding acceptance through the challenges, and learning from the past without blaming yourself for what you couldn't have known. Your children are lucky to have parents who are really focusing on their needs during the divorce, it can be difficult to take a collaborative approach when you're in pain. I'm glad the video was helpful. Thank you for watching and sharing some of your story. If you would like more direct support or simply to join a community of men who are doing the same work and supporting one another along the way, please check out my coaching programs: www.rachaelsloancoaching.com/better-beyond-divorce

@KatieLHall-fy1hw Год назад

It is really hard to extend endless grace to someone (hence why I think religion still has an important place in the world regardless of people’s beliefs. But use the good parts of it) my husband is dismissive and does not have good self reflection and is disrespectful to his immediate family and wife (me) because he probably trusts we won’t leave him. It is REALLY wearing me down over our 12 year marriage. I almost wish I was just single and could just work, do my hobbies, come home to my cats and hang out with my sisters and my brother. And my friends.

@tonyvieira4534 4 месяца назад

Same thing brother, well said!!

@Leslie-es5ij 9 месяцев назад

My marriage was over because of her emotional disconnection, I got hurt at work, ended up being disabled, she had me spend all my settlement money, allowing me to believe that I was investing in our future, only to have her say that she was too young to be with a disabled guy. And she asked me to leave, I left that day, not one to hang around where I'm not wanted. A year later she calls, sobbing about how she made a mistake. Yeah no kidding, but told her that there was no way I would consider it. She's still made and confused.

@JamesKeno Месяц назад

Make couples go through counseling for a year before allowing marriage. That'll fix some of these mental breakdowns.

@woodchipwedgie Год назад

I think your main point came in at about minute 15:30. When men focus on a particular issue using logic while a woman uses emotion, the man sometimes asks the wife to put the emotion aside so that they can address the issue logically and not emotionally. If this happens, the woman feels that what she is bringing to the table is being rejected and it is devestating. This is kind of b.s. because couples really do need to be able to shift gears and set emotion aside to solve problems rationally. If this is the reason why women leave men, it is b.s. If a man constantly asks the woman to close up her emotions that of course is a problem, but if a man is shocked at a wife wanting a divorce, there is a really good chance that he loves her and wants her to feel comfortable sharing her emotions, and a committed couple is duty bound to sort these types of communication issues out. It is not acceptable to blow things out of proportion and play the victim, because sometimes as a couple, solving real problems requires that you take your head out of your ass and set emotions aside.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Год назад

I agree, John. I love your last statement about taking your head out of your ass and setting emotions aside. I hope that with more awareness around these kinds of communication issues more couples will be able to recognize problems sooner and seek support. Couples therapy, especially EFT, is really good at helping people work together to access and share emotion without getting overwhelmed or hijacked by it, but I think often men don't realize there is a major problem and women often don't realize the problem itself is solveable, and so the opportunity for reconciliation gets missed.

@KatieLHall-fy1hw Год назад

Key word there is “sometimes”. And in my experience it goes both ways. Every man I know is emotional, but they are logical too. One is not greater than the other. Every woman I know is emotional, and logical too. One is not greater than the other. People have different strengths and weaknesses and it’s always important to listen to each other and not being each other down

@charlesdial7152 Месяц назад

True, I didn't pay attention to my wife's feelings either

@jimheidl1272 Год назад

What went wrong was my wife was a coward and ran away from her demons instead of accepting real love.

@jimindiveri2373 Год назад

i always thought that too many emotions would drive your lover away. i was wrong. it’s all about emotional connection with women.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Год назад

Hi Jim, thanks for watching and commenting. I think this is the message a lot of men learn (from women, unfortunately) - that they need to be strong and stoic to be loved or desired, when the reality is that every human being has a need for emotional bonding. I'm hopeful that we can start to change this unfair narrative about how men are 'supposed' to be so that we can all enjoy more rewarding relationships.

@davidhunt313 Год назад

@Rachael Sloan - Relationship Coach Being autistic, I may misunderstand what's happening,.. but EVERYTIME I see a man open up emotionally,.. the women completely freak out!! Like _wokeness_ in general,.. women seem to have no authentic self-awareness,.. and no interest in acquiring such at all.

@beaudignall5194 11 месяцев назад

Wow just wow… all I had to do was be more emotional and we could still be married…. 2 months ago she told me we are getting a divorce. That’s so fuck up. I am getting a emotional divorce. So crazy

@edwardo737 8 месяцев назад

My ex-wife was incapable of emotional intimacy. Utterly. My fault for ignoring the red flags and marrying her. While I know this is commonly a problem with the men, isn't it about time the world wakes up to the fact that more often with marital issues, the script has flipped?

@KimMantsur 10 месяцев назад

Thank you for this video. I’ve been in a great relationship and I started growing a part because every time I would get emotional he would reject it and make me feel as if I am overreacting and need to push my emotions away. He is an amazing man, works hard, focuses on being a provider for me. He focuses on that so much I feel like the emotional part of our relationship got neglected. We broke up recently and I’ve been thinking that I may be crazy and how come I am not content with this great man in my life? But after watching this I know that my emotions are valid and my intuition has a reason even if logically I can’t make it make sense.. just following my heart although I am still sad and will need time to heal. Thank you Rachel. ❤

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach 10 месяцев назад

Hi Kim, I'm glad you found this video helpful. I do want to offer you this - it is possible for a man who doesn't have that baseline of emotional awareness to learn. A lot of men learn early on that being a great provider is the single most important thing, and they learn to dismiss their own emotions (which leads them to dismiss the emotions of others). However, a man who is so dedicated to being a great provider is telling you that he is incredibly dedicated to YOU, it's just that he doesn't know what it is you actually need from him. The conversations to bridge that gap can be a little scary to undertake, but they can make the relationship much deeper and richer! If you have any desire to go down that road, check out Dr. Susan Johnson's course Hold Me Tight. It is a series of eight conversations for couples to bridge gaps just like this. If he's willing to do it with you, you just might be able to change the course of that relationship.

@scrobag1 3 месяца назад

Men and women need to accept how each feels and react and create a balance. If a woman or man is unable to relate to reactions it is doomed.

@danielmejia8376 Год назад

Rachel, thank you so much for this video. My marriage is about to be over because of my emotional disconnection with my wife. I’m literally standing in limbo where I don’t know if she’ll forgive me and give me another chance or she has made her mind and decide to go through a divorce. Your video has help me,and will help me after if she decides to divorce me.

@Nad-2.0 Год назад

Hi Rachael, thanks for this video, I can relate to it on a very deep level. You touch on important topics such as toxic masculinity and some sort of unconscious gaslighting. On the gaslighting, we as men indeed try to fix things because we are the traditional providers, which comes across as rejecting how they feel. What I've learned is that very often its just enough to be there and listen effectively rather than always try and find solutions, to empathise and normalise rather than alienate by saying 'this is how you should feel or look at it'. Ultimately it all boils down to emotional intelligence for the individuals involved and its great that you put this out in the open for understanding and for further exploration. In the months preceding my separation/divorce, my ex wife would tell me she couldn't connect with me, in the way she connected with other ppl. Some couples might work through this, while some opt out, maybe its not the only reason also. Sometimes there are so many reasons that it all becomes very difficult to understand, lol. It's all good, maybe it also simply means there is somebody out there with whom we can connect better. Keep up the great work Rachael, I've been following your videos since last November and they have been so empowering, especially in the darkest of times when it was all so confusing. And for all those going through divorce, it's ok, we all make mistakes, don't lose hope, every dog has its day😆

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Год назад

Thank you for watching and for taking the time for such a thoughtful reflection. You're right that there are so many reasons that a relationship may not work out. I love your attitude - maybe it simply means there is somebody out there with whome we can connect better. When you're in it and suffering it is hard to imagine that there is safety in the world, or that there could be a better relationship or a stronger connection. Thank you for a message of reflection and hope. I look forward to seeing you on another video.

@KatieLHall-fy1hw Год назад

I think men have pretty okay emotional intelligence with their friends, actually. I think with an intimate partner/family member who you share your life with, they become a bit of a bother and a hindrance in living your life and you start to not use the intelligence for them like you would others. Mostly because you spend SO much time with them. So then you suppress emotions. And it goes south

@BikeRiderReviews 6 месяцев назад

Your videos can be difficult to watch because the truth can be hurtful. There are so many of these types of videos on RU-vid where it's just basically the default M.O of putting all the blame on the man. However, your observations and advice is always very neutral and objective. Watching this video, I realised you described me in detail all the way through. It was a tough watch. I now understand so much clearly now that most of the things I was so confused about before. I now at least have a direction to start moving in to get out of this paralysis. The one thing I may add though, there is a difference between having your wife leave you when no other individuals are involved to having her cheat on you and betray you. You could argue she cheated because of all the things you mention in this video but from a good man's perspective, no matter how bad things ever got, no matter how much he is hurting he would never cheat or betray his wife and for me this is the major difference between men and women. A good man will always put his wife before everything, including himself. The fact that the majority of us didn't understand or know what we were doing wrong doesn't condone the fact that women will take the selfish route out of cheating. Even after being hurt and cheated on a lot of men will still want to work the relationship out but the woman just switches off, disregards a relationship of many years as in my case of 25 years not showing an ounce of remorse or regret. Emotionless and cold. However I come away from this video knowing I will have another relationship with someone new, and I will be able to trust again because I won't make the same mistakes as I did before by being emotionally shut down. I also know that if I am cheated on again it will not be my fault. That as a good man you cannot control or change the nature of someone who has poor integrity. If you really want to be with someone and are able to show them that you love them and connect and understand their emotions then if they still cheat and leave they simply weren't worth your love.

@Dj.D25 Год назад

What happens if as a man you're trying to be a good listener, supportive, trying to be understanding to a woman's emotions, who you really like/love especially if they are very personal problems? Often times these are the "nice guys". The man wants to be her hero, be her best friend, deeply cares about her needs; especially if she's been hurt by other men? But she still puts him in the friend zone or rejects his love later on, and often she chooses a bad boy or emotionally distant man who barely loves her. It's happened to me and many men enough times where it just feels like we can't care that much about her feelings, needs, and other requirements anymore. It sometimes feels as though we lost a part of ourselves. More men lately feel they need to focus more on themselves and their goals and that a woman's problems usually aren't worth putting up with. A growing number of men are choosing foreign women because they are more likely to be loyal and create less emotional drama. It often feels safer as a man sometimes to just not love a woman too much or be that vulnerable. Also, many women do get emotional over such petty things to the point that even mature women will wonder what is she thinking? What's a guy to do in situations where a woman is worrying about something that most people wouldn't worry about? There's so many situations where it's appropriate to tell a woman to stop worrying so much or that she's overreacting, which often is also appropriate to tell a man who is upset over something not that serious.

@Enavor Месяц назад

If anybody leaves a good person, an actual good person, then its because they were not at the same level as they were developmentally speaking. I dont want to say the trash eventually takes itself out, but in many circumstances, this is indeed what occurs. God protects good people 🙏

@randomdude2287 9 месяцев назад

Amazing.... it's STILL his fault. Gents just walk away

@4thHermit616 Год назад

There is a difference between suppressing emotion and being controlled by emotion. Men and women confuse these things, but in different ways. Men should show emotion, but never be controlled by emotion. Being controlled by emotion or acting on emotion will make a woman leave just as fast as if they suppress emotions. Men too often do not separate the 2, so they hide emotions because they think if they show emotion, it means being controlled by emotion. Women are controlled by emotion. So they often think that if a man is not controlled by emotion, then that man is not showing emotion. So the woman pushes the man to act on their emotions, but when the man acts on their emotions, the woman feels unsafe. Women now days want "The One", Prince Charming. They want their cake and eat it too. They want a man that is not controlled by emotion, is safe, a good provider, etc. But also they want a man that has the emotional capacity of their best girl friend. In most cases, this just is not going to happen.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Год назад

Thank you for watching and for this thoughtful comment. This is an important distinction that you're making, between controlling and suppressing emotion. What's really fascinating is that suppressing emotions often leads to being controlled by emotions. I see this with a lot of men when they get blindsided by a divorce - all their lives they've been successful at supressing their emotions but then when they're faced with something too painful to suppress they get taken over by it. Women often do vacilate between trying to suppress and allowing emotions to control them. This video definitely focuses on men, but women also tend to interact with their emotions in unhelpful ways that can be damaging to a relationship. I find it hopeful to know that all of us, men and women, are capable of learning to interact more effectively with emotions, so we can listen to what they're telling us, act if necessary and yet stay grounded in a clear sense of self. You might call this controlling emotions, but I don't think that is quite accurate - the emotion still occurs, you just aren't hijacked by it and are still able to choose how to respond to the situation at hand. It's more like working with emotion without giving up your own agency than attempting to control it.

@BK-lb8uh Год назад

R.S., Please, when a woman says we grew apart and wanted different things. How do you reconcile that? How does a man know what her "different things" are?

@Livingthedream1225 3 месяца назад

You won't this is code from some women and their enablers. They think it's okay to keep feelings from the husband then blame the husband for not meeting the feelings they haven't told anyone about nor can express themselves. The kicker is enablers will say these women are strong and courageous for being quitters. The best lesson to learn here is that a woman can and may destroy any marriage and will have "support" to do so. Strong women don't quit. They are open to their husband's and therapist to workout the issues with their husband.

@rolandvasquez4758 2 месяца назад

@@Livingthedream1225 You are 100% correct! They expect you to be a mind reader.

@BK-lb8uh Год назад

Rachael, this is extremely complicated. How many ways can we twist our emotions and not know what exactly she wants? This is a difficult one to digest.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Год назад

I agree completely. In fact, I almost didn't publish this video at the last minute, because it is complicated, and it might be a topic that I need to break down more or get more clarity on myself so I can speak to it more simply. Thank you for your comment. I'll be curious to see how this video is received overall. Depending on the feedback this is a topic that I may spend more time sitting with myself to see if there is a more useful/accessible way to present it.

@nftecom Месяц назад

So every time she is over emotional i should not try to calm her down or tell her when she’s wrong.

@matttubeful 10 месяцев назад

I am all of the above. I have a good stead job, I am extremely patient, sex life is great, good father to our children, I can fix almost anything. But I don’t think I was emotionally available. I am very stoic like a rock and I always took pride in that. I thought that’s what made me a solid partner, father, a good man. She started talking to a another guy online. They connected on that level that I couldn’t. Thanks for the video. It does help me see things differently. You pretty much called out exactly what I think is happening here. We have kids together and I loved our life. Maybe there is still time to heal and repair our life together. I’m not sure I know how to be emotionally available, though. It’s not something that comes naturally.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach 10 месяцев назад

I'm glad this video helped. It sounds like you are an amazing husband and father. This might just be an area you never learned much about. Most people don't, because their parents didn't know much about it either. If you want to try heal things with your wife, there are a couple of great resources to help you navigate that. The three I like best are: 1. Good Guys to Great Men with Steve Horsmon 2. The Husband Help Haven 3. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy - A great starting point here is the affordable online course Hold Me Tight by Dr. Susan Johnson. It walks you through how, specifically, to have a series of 8 vulnerable conversations to deepen intimacy I also do some work on intimacy and emotional connection in my coaching, but it geared more towards men in active separation or divorce, and you might find that environment isn't what you want at this stage. The three resources above are all more focused on saving the relationship.

@healthguy79 Месяц назад

So basically for her to not leave you, she expects the following from you: - good provider - great house - faithful - great sex - top tier man - look after kids - AND provide emotional intimacy

@odd- 7 месяцев назад

As of today, I am divorced. Judge signed it at 9:30 this morning. I’m just now, while watching this video, understanding why she would go find someone else after 25 years together. I am a logical person who thrives on being a man who is there. I have always been told I’m not allowed to show my emotions, so when they come out, they are usually intense. Today, I watch this and remember her saying that I don’t show or understand her emotions!

@glenacord 5 месяцев назад

Damn! Exactly my situation, but after 36 years.

@CristianRacansky Год назад

I have the hugest crush on Rachael. I love the way she speaks so calmly.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Год назад

Thanks, Cristian L:) I shared this comment with my husband and he laughed - In part because I am not always so calm! I too have old patterns of thought and emotion that catch me by surprise at times, and when they do I get angry, sad or judgmental. As the person closest to me my husband gets to see those sides of me the most often. I continue to do the work of self-inquiry to change those patterns, and I count myself very lucky to have a partner who is willing to do the work on himself too. Thanks for watching and commenting!

@willowsayswhat9642 6 месяцев назад

lol, imagine if men showed their emotions. Stay strong, stay stoic.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach 6 месяцев назад

Imagine! I've had the chance to see it, and it is amazing. They become open, honest, compassionate, wise, creative and capable of deep, genuine connection. A man who shows his emotions is a safe man for a woman (or a child or anyone else) to be with. It is the stoicism, the so-called strength that many men are taught to hide their emotions behind that destroys intimacy and breaks down relationships. Being honest and learning to deal with and talk about what you feel requires far more strength than staying stoic.

@dmillz5334 Год назад

Let them go and take a trip to the Philippines or Thailand!!!! That’s the best answer. That’s what I will be doing!!

@user-ut3dm5dl6t Год назад

I think I understand the cause of this, but I've been given divorce paperwork a week ago, but nothing is final. Do you have any videos on what to do if you've lacked emotional intimacy for a long time and you've left your wife alone in the relationship, but the only way to fix the relationship is to "go back in time"?

@jochenvandevelde2146 6 месяцев назад

I cant understand why this is so important...ALL the other things u mention are certainly equal qualities and are as important as emotional connection.

@kevanewing8665 5 месяцев назад

In other words guys they expect you to be perfect.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach 5 месяцев назад

I'm sorry that's what you took out of this video. If it is, then you must already be feeling pretty threatened and unsafe around women because of the painful experiences you've suffered. That's not the message at all. In fact, it's the opposite. Women don't expect you to be perfect. They do hope that you'll be willing to be honest and be vulnerable, which means admitting you are NOT perfect and that you are open to learning and growing together. Unfortunately most men learn that they can't show emotion without being weak, and so they hide themselves from their wives, pretending to be perfect or to not feel human emotions. Connection is impossible when either partner is hiding who they are or pretending to be perfect.

@1921139 Год назад

you are great

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Год назад

Thanks. That's very kind. I'm glad you liked this video, thanks for watching!

@brianhoyt3780 Год назад

My ex would direct her anger at me. It was my fault, etc, etc,. In emotional bonding with my wife include drawing boundaries? Otherwise what happens is you become a punching bag and she loses respect for the husband and has contempt and eventually walks away. Doesn't "emotionally bonding" with your wife mean that you have to bond with how they are feeling as opposed to me, as a man sharing my feelings?

@BaronBoar 11 дней назад

This isn't really the man's fault. Society always told men to be a man. And when men talk, they are called weak. I know there are good women out there. But I also read an article from a woman, and her main point was don't confuse contentment with being unhappy. Women have to be there for their husbands. It will require coaxing for them to open up or to feel safe to open up.

@DougHardy541 Год назад

Hate to admit it, but this session hits a little too close to home.

@akrico1 Год назад

The first step in growth is admittance. The second is acceptance. You get to choose where you go from there…..

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Год назад

Thanks for watching Doug. This stuff is hard. Self reflection, self inquiry... all of it is difficult (for all of us, myself included). But it's well worth doing. I just had a session with a client who was in agony over his divorce as recently as Christmas. He did the hard work, looked at the things that were hard to admit and, frankly, the change has been incredible. He spent a couple of months really suffering as he did the work, and now, just four months later, he is off of his anti-depressants, off of anxiety and sleep meds, dating, relaxed, genuinely happy and unaffected by his ex's actions. When something is hard to look at, lean in. There is freedom on the other side. If you'd like some support in doing so, I'm here to help: www.rachaelsloancoaching.com/better-beyond-divorce

@marysinclair1214 2 месяца назад

You hit the nail on the head. Thank you! I’m in the process of leaving a good guy, hard worker, good provider, trust worthy. I’ve been told I’m insecure for 9 yrs. I have given up sharing my emotions because I feel like he doesn’t care. As a result I feel very alone. I keep asking myself I have a home, my pets, money is not an issue why am I not happy. This is exactly why! He will do things for friends, family and when I ask it like a chore and he gets upset. I try not to ask for too much anymore. I try to push the thoughts out of my head and convince myself I no reason to feel upset. But inside I’m dying and alone. I know how hurt he will be when I leave. I feel there is no changing him. I’m starting to feel indifferent in the relationship. Unfortunately, I have to stay another 4 months until I can buy a house. I’m trying to keep the peace. The property is his we have a co-habitation agreement. I have all the stress right now. Because I have to move, buy a home and afford it on my own and I’m 61yrs old. I Thank God every day for good health. This video has convinced me I’m not crazy, which I’ve also been called.

@geminiwoe 2 месяца назад

The video is wrong and you will regret it. Don't be selfish and do you best to help that good man instead of your own selfish needs. Shame on you.

@geminiwoe 2 месяца назад

Oh because they can't act like adults they get to destroy a family or relationship? Got it... 🙄

@mussersbowsboatsandscience6610 Год назад

was skepetical, but you seem to have good message

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Год назад

Thank you for giving me and the video a chance. I hope you found something helpful.

@mussersbowsboatsandscience6610 Год назад

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I will be watching more, my ex-wife divorce me after 27 years ~3 years ago. We remain friends of sorts, my oldest son 19 is my biggest challenge, he became very distant 3 years, he text me back about once a month.... we have two daughters thatwe share equal custody. I enjoy single life and dating, but it was a long road to this level of recovery...

@davidnichols1568 8 месяцев назад

I had ED problems all of my life. I'am still single. Don't let anyone tell you that sex isn't that important. Believe me it's everything.

@exoticindiaa День назад

Start consuming Shilajit and Mucuna, it will do wonders. I had ED problem since 17, it finally healed at the age of 25 after i consumed it for almost an year

@amitkumar3908 8 месяцев назад

How do we get in touch with you?

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach 8 месяцев назад

I'm sorry for the slow reply, I've gotten a little behind on youtube comments. You can email me at rachael@rachaelsloancoaching.com. Also, I just opened the doors to my 90 day accelerated coaching program and there is still room! This is the last time I'll be taking on new coaching clients until late spring of 2024. If you're interested you can book a discovery call here: calendly.com/rachaelsloan/discovery-call-for-bbd-foundations

@melkerner Месяц назад

There is a lack of emotional intimacy because she has dedicated her life to being sexless after she got exactly what she wanted - we adopted kids and I lost a Wife as they gained a Mother

@CallsItLikeISeizeIts 4 месяца назад

They leaves because you fail to fulfill their emotional needs which then leaves them Physically unfulfilled

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach 3 месяца назад

That is often the case. Sadly, in many of those circumstances the man's emotional needs (and physical) are also going unfulfilled.

@CallsItLikeISeizeIts 3 месяца назад

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach yes but I wish she had smacked me with a 2x4 and had that conversation. Lack of communication is a killer

@thomasrogers9146 9 дней назад

DO NOT BELIEVE A WORD SHE SAYS.

@marguskiis7711 29 дней назад

Avoidant women leave men without ANY reason.

@matttubeful 10 месяцев назад

But also, she’s super emotional. Shouldn’t there be someone in the relationship that can be that rock? You’re video did help me see what I can work on, I’m still a little confused though.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach 10 месяцев назад

Fair question, Matt. It might be helpful to think about the relationship as a cycle between two people. In the cycle each person takes actions which trigger something in the other person. That person responds in particular ways, and that response triggers something in their partner, and the cycle continues. In your relationship it may be helpful to explore - when she is being super emotional, what happens inside of you? What do you feel? How do you think? And then... what do you DO? Do you try to be the rock? When you do that, what happens? What does your solid rock state trigger in her? How does she respond or react? One other thought that may help - everyone wants to feel competent, capable and needed. When we are vulnerable with our partners, when we let them see our fear, our need, our hurt, we are giving them the opportunity to be the rock for us in that moment. People rise to this occasion! Being vulnerable and needing support can be a real gift to our partners. I hope this helps!

@Roger-cb3fv 3 месяца назад

Money

@emanuelandrade2779 Год назад

Rachel, I love your videos, I'm afraid this one will make your clients beg for pardon from their exes!! Let me ask you a question if I may. What comes first on the list of women's priorities? Financial or emotional stability? In my humble opinion, emotional stability comes after the financial situation of the couple is well-established. That is part of the WOMEN WANT IT ALL assertion!

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Год назад

Hi Emanuel, thanks for watching. I'm glad you're enjoying the videos. This one might make some of my clients angry, actually! And rightly so. Society (and women) put out the expectation for men to be stoic and strong, and then we punish them for doing just that. It's messed up. But that aside... I would argue the opposite to your question, actually. Many women might say that financial stability is more important, but there is one tell-tale observation that makes me believe that emotional stability is more important: Couples that have emotional stability often weather financial crises and stay together. Couples that have financial stability often split up when there are emotional crises (illness, death, loss of a child, etc). It makes sense from a survival/evolutionary perspective as well. Relationships are the most important resource for human survival. Without relationships we die, even when we have enough food, water and shelter to survive. That's wild, right? But it's true. Baby monkeys in some very tragic research studies fail to thrive and eventually die if they don't receive touch, even if all their physical needs are met. The same is true of orphans who are deprived of touch. Loving touch causes us to release oxytocin, a neurotransmitter largely responsible for human bonding. Without touch, without oxytocin, without relationships, humans die. We don't even have to wait to starve to death, we can die from a lack of love. This article directs you to some of the research on the subject: theconversation.com/can-a-lack-of-love-be-deadly-58659# This is a question that warrants greater exploration - maybe a topic for another video! Thank you so much for watching and for starting this conversation.

@akrico1 Год назад

I have to agree with Rachael on this one. Gottman Institute, practically unrivaled in the field of relationships, research polls show resounding >70% women would prefer emotional stability over financial stability. It is our culture that drives men to believe financial security must be more important as an element of survival. That philosophy doesn’t seem to carry much water these days and my personal experience has provided me with all the evidence I’m in need of to understand what’s needed to move forward into my next relationship. Which, I’m optimistic might very well just be with my ex wife. She didn’t want me for my financial stability, and she certainly didn’t need me for it. What she wanted is emotional connection and that requires emotional availability. ‘You can be right, or you can be married.’ Which is a publication I’d recommend for men to spend a few $ on and read, or audiobook. Not sure if that’s one you recommend is it? @Rachael Sloan

@kencarey6483 7 месяцев назад

All true , you can be the best possible man to your wife and family and depending on the woman it will never be enough. Before you decide to chose a spouse. LOOK AT HER FAMILY! Especially her mother . She will eventually become a version of her mother. If her mother was loyal, secure and loving ,that’s a great sign. If her mother was liar,narcissist,cheater , the apple ( rotten) will surely fall nearest the tree .

@dustinrogers2645 11 месяцев назад

Doesn't this just reinforce the fact that men are expected to suppress their emotions? Why does it seem so one sided that men are supposed to be the empathetic emotional person when we're rooted in ideas and logic. Again, we're supposed to suppress our instinct, our emotion and feeling that pushes us to rely on facts and logic, rather than emotion. Where's the middle ground and understanding from women?

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach 10 месяцев назад

Hi Dustin, thanks for watching and sharing your thoughts. I agree that it is equally as important for women to try to understand men on a deeper level. However, from what I've seen coaching men, men are not instinctually logical. In fact, when they perceive that they've been attacked or disrespected many men act in very unlogical ways! Both men and women experience strong emotion. Emotional responses are hard wired into the human nervous system. Emotion is a key element in memory formation and our ability to learn. I'm not suggesting that men suppress or ignore their emotions, but rather become consciously aware of what they are feeling. Many of the men I work with, in the beginning of coaching, are unable to explain what they feel beyond simply 'good' or 'bad'. Men's emotional lives are far richer than this, it's just that most men are taught to ignore what they feel from an early age. It isn't just for the benefit of your partner that you become more emotionally empathic. It is about your experience too. For you to be able to feel and experience the full range of human emotion, and for you to become resilient enough to handle loss, pain and disappointment without falling into depression or being hijacked by anger. My final thought is this - if women are more likely to act from emotion, whether due to biology or conditioning or both, and you want to have a healthy, successful, long term relationship with a woman... isn't it logical to learn about her emotions?

@gregorylatta8159 11 месяцев назад

BS. Go ahead and express your feelings guys and see what happens.

@thomasrogers9146 9 дней назад

F THIS LIE. YOU SHOW EMOTIONS THEY CALL YOU WEAK.

@thebeast7167 19 дней назад

@keywestfan2503 8 дней назад

Horseshit. The reason she leaves is because of unhappiness in HERSELF. And she manifests that unhappiness by projecting it onto the husband as him being the source of that unhappiness. It’s a complete lack of insight on her part as herself being the internal source of her unhappiness. And beat down after beat down, not understanding why his wife is unhappy and not being able to fix it because it is impossible, a man eventually shuts down. Stop perpetuating this dribble. Advice from a woman on how to salvage a relationship is like asking a fish how to catch it. And this notion of men not showing emotion is nonsense. Practically every successful man has done so through fiery emotion and passion. We just don’t channel emotion in irrational ways. We don’t slash tires or burn clothes or boil bunnies in pots. When we have an emotional crisis, we channel it into our careers and purpose, into the gym, etc. Women when unhappy- “I need to find myself” Men when unhappy- “I need to improve myself”

@KJ-pu8dw Год назад

No! Never speak to a woman about your emotional problems about anything. Its not about being unemotional its about displaying competance. If you show weakness she will lose respect for you. A woman must respect you for the relationship to remain sexual and for her to not look to other men. Stop thinking a woman can love you. They biologically can Not love a man. They stay with you as long as you are succesful. Women 'love' objectively. Look up hypergamy. It explains a lot.

@TheMotArt 5 месяцев назад

False, the time when I felt the most connected and in love with my man, was when he cried in front of me. I felt that I was being really trusted and that I was needed.

@akrico1 Год назад

This one really hits a home run with me Rachael. Well, it was really more of a strike out at first, but turning into a base hit for as of late. My ex wife and I were divorced Nov 1 of last year. With help from your and other coach’s videos, blogs, podcasts and programs, along with my coach’s virtual Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, I’ve been experiencing great results. I am more emotionally self aware than I’ve been in my 50+ years. Peeling back layers and layers to find my authentic self. You can indeed teach an old dog new tricks. I’ve since reconnected with my ex wife, and while I don’t know where God is leading us, what I do know is: A change in circumstances, without a change in self, will only lead to the same situation, under different circumstances. Trust the process fellas, kick that ego to the curb and find the happiness you deserve!

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Год назад

Thank you for this, Rich. A lot of people naturally fear whether or not it is, indeed, possible to 'teach an old dog new tricks' and you just gave them some powerful evidence that the answer is YES! Congratulations, on doing the work more than anything else. It sounds like you are diving into the hard parts and finding the benefits of doing that. I'm really excited for you, and I'm honored that some of my content has been helpful in your process. Thanks for watching, and please keep sharing your story!!