I’m still denying that she’s really gone. There was so much love for so long, I don’t understand how it can be over. This hurts to hear, but your advice is sound. Thank you.
After 22 years my husband wants out. And I am still in love with him ..This is the hardest thing I have ever been through. I hope u are doing better today .
I feel you. I can't believe he's gone. So much deep love for 4 years. I am completely devastated. I feel like I won't ever recover from this, but it helps to see others have survived.
@@Smilthy It's been very hard. I still can't believe he's leaving me for a complete stranger. But it's happening. And I will let him go and move on. Lots of people are going through this we are not alone. There is someone else out there for us.
I see my stbxw as emotionally compromised from pain meds and we lost 2 boys in our marriage. Taking pain pills and 2 weeks high then 2 weeks nothing. A ex fiancé from 30 years ago coming into her life didn’t help. Confessing she never stopped loving him…. Yea, I never have to accept her happiness in staying with this guy. I may have to live with the knowledge it’s going on, but even Christ hated sin and told us to repent before it’s too late. She told me she shouldn’t have done it but did it anyway. This does not mean I have to accept it, this only means I feel sorry for her. She’s removed herself from salvation and I pray she sees clearly soon and rectifies her path. I’m divorcing her as she asked but it never will mean that I agreed with it or are pulling for her “‘happiness “.
The most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves. Without becoming intimately vulnerable with who we are, our history, our victories and losses, and accepting the fullness of our being, we can’t move on and be open and real with anyone else, nor can we be open to accept someone else as they are. Accepting oneself is not a goal but a journey built on small daily steps.
Knowing your creator is the most important in my opinion. Bc you realize you are accepted. Loved. And are never a mistake. Regardless of your circumstances growing up. You’re made in His image. He loves you, provides and knows you better than you know you.
Hi. I am in the process of a divorce after my husband of 40 years just left me 2 months ago. He just told me on a Sunday morning that he no longer loved me and moved out the next day. I can never forgive him for this hurt after so many years and never knowing that he felt this way. I am still in shock as are our adult children and extended family. I want to move on and do not want to see him ever again. I cry everyday
Let Jesus hold your pain. He loves you very much. Find the joy in each day and soon you will heal. Be blessed. I’ll pray for you, and I am sorry that you had to go through that as well. But you are stronger than you know!
After 30+ years, I am totally free to do whatever I want without having to consider anyone else. My divorce was a bloody mess due to the new child gf sticking her nose 👃 where it certainly did not belong. Right up to getting a restraining order against her. In the end, I got what I needed and most of what I asked for. It has to be enough, which is plenty. I don't care what he does or who he does it with. Get to that phase and you're golden. Start a new life from scratch. Find a job you like. Find new people to be friends with. Lean on your tribe when you need them because that's what friends are for. Clear the old baggage of your life because something better than mediocre is on the way if you're not stuck in quicksand.
good news is I dove deep into my self spirituality & I learned how to shed toxic thinking & living. I turned tragedy into living in a higher sputirual vibration. I'm not the same person I was 3 yrs ago
Thank you! My first post divorce intimate relationship was a female platonic friendship. We were both healing post divorce. It was everything you said,,,,,,, could be vulnerable, we went on lots of adventures together like learning to golf, Salsa dance, and tango. We still have so much fun together and I'm sure we'll be lifelong friends. Thank you for pointing that out.
That sounds absolutely lovely and is exactly the kind of relationship that both heals us and is proof that we’re healing. I’m so glad you’re in each other’s lives.
It's been close to 4 years since we separated. This year we stopped all communication. It's this year that slowly I've allowed someone to get close to me and it's unlocking so much grief I've had hidden. It's surprising how much one can still have after so many years have passed
Hi, get anyone you love or (SP) attracted to you. And also get your EX back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Steve, he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek his help thanks.
Its been six years since we divorced after a traumatic short marriage. 3 kids... The last 3 years has been no contact, only texting, emailin... verbal communication would have triggered deep toxicity form the mariiage... It worked for me and I was getting better. neither of us had anybody in our lives. I am not able to trust anybody to risk another such emotionally traumatic episode in my life... Last week I got the info that my ex wife has moved on with another man. The grief cycle has started again... I fucking hate this shit. I wanna die... It will never be over...
I've seen those triggers can raise their ugly head years later. A song, a place, a thing and/or a person can all be triggers where you thought your were healed and then you weren't. I finally found out that was ok. It was just part of the process....Thanks
Hi, get anyone you love or (SP) attracted to you. And also get your EX back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Steve, he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek his help thanks.
I did this after my first marriage and ended up marrying my safe person- he just walked out this week. And the pain is nothing like I EVER experienced. I feel like I’m dying! I have 3 kids - he told his therapist --he never wanted to be with me to begin with…. I don’t want to love anymore
#2 -- As the one who initiated the divorce, 😂😂😂 SO happy when they found someone. But trusting? Not sure. Lots of broken promises, deflection, and blaming. So toxic.
The reason I am still suffering is because I had faith in God to restore my marriage rather than cope with the loss. I kept praying to God for my young daughters sake and I would feel in my heart to read verses and they would be of faith and hope. Or ask and you shall receive. To me this is God putting hope, all I’m getting is hate from the ex and hopelessness. I just got a request for trial in the mail today and now I feel broken and defeated. I’m just angry at God that he would allow this in my life at my age and knowing what I’ve been through previous to meeting my wife 7 years ago. The one stability I had was my family and now they are gone. I don’t know what lesson is being taught but this is the type of thing that creates atheists. Im sorry people I needed to vent, don’t judge me just pray for me. Thank you.
I have been in your shoes and I fasted and prayed for my marriage to work and it has gotten to the point all I want to do is love live and be happy knowing I’m ok for my son and build a stable place for him to be with me . God often do things to seek him and to follow him I pray for your strength and understanding and if no one told you today I love you at least take this and know we all go through things but believe that God has a greater purpose and love for your life just keep praying for your wife to be revealed and lead you to your happiness . ❤
You posted this several months ago and my prayer is God has given you peace since the post. I’ve been in a similar situation and couldn’t understand what God was doing. Two years later I saw clearly that what I had prayed so hard for would have brought me to destruction. Whatever stage you’re in stay strong!
My ex and I weren’t happy for many years. Then finally she asked for the divorce. This experience is the absolute most challenging and painful that I have ever tried to deal with. I’m finally starting therapy and getting help because I now realize that I will eventually give up on life completely if I don’t get help. After months of struggling and deep depression I’m hopeful that treatment and therapy will bring me back to life.
This is super good advise with me i am more ok with my husband being in a relationship with someone else with a new baby but right now i cannot even imagine me trusting anyone again i knew my husband since i was 2 years old
I am slowly accepting that he has moved on. My heart longs for someone I can be vulnerable with because at the moment I cannot afford therapy. I just have everything killing me inside
God loves you all! Jesus is coming soon and He will get us through our painful times and life’s toughest trials. We just have to hang on and trust Him. Be blessed! We are warriors!
This is the most genuine, honest perception of divorce that I have heard. thank you for this video! Although for me, I’m battling within myself how to be open with another man! Lots of healing I have to do-no doubt. Although It hurts to see that the other person is moving on-I’m actually relieved! Thank God he’s not my battle anymore.
Enter into a intimate relationship?? You need to learn how to be alone before anything. Not rush into making a quick fix it mistake. As far as a platonic friendship with a good friend, people will let you down. Dont depend on another person ...find your hope in Christ. Find your identity in Christ. Find a support group who can pray for you and for accountability💓
Thank you, I needed this advice. I’m so heartbroken. He filed on Valentine’s Day a week after we talked about working on it and made love on the beach. Is he the devil? Idk, but he’s not with anyone so I can’t get to the second, I will just work on the first.
Its been 3 years since my wife left me, Im doing a lot better but it still hurts a lot still. I still get stuck in my head a lot and can't focus on things and still think about her.
Appreciate this, it landed for me. Still working on step one, step two, I bet most never see it coming unless they knew already. Challenge is untethering and being grateful they are happy. Challenge accepted
Exactly... it’s been 2 years..... two kids..... I’m happy if he has someone and if my kids like her. But I really miss kids when they are with him as we share custody. They are 10 and 6. I wonder how they’re coping with the divorce. The younger one will still ask why.
I really needed this. Its been a year this week since my ex wife broke up with me, and i am in a great romantic and emotionally intimate relationship with her. She is in the same boat as me. Im must feeling a lot of regret and nostalgia. Wishing i had done more in the past.😢 she lives with me, so i can support her while she gets back on her 2 feet as she is the primary caretaker of my 5 year old son. I was able to be very emotionally vulnerable with my current girlfriend who is ins a similar situation that i am. Both 2 young kids. She is so wonderful and loving. i just need to get to milestone 2 and accept thats this old as man 😅 makes her happy. And i want her be happy. We a both co-parenting. But thank you so much for this ❤😊
I’m at number one. My family member became my friend. We are going through similar situations. It does help to be able to reach out to someone when feeling down. I am no where near number 2. No where. I have yet to examine living life without him. It makes me frustrated with myself bc the writing is all over the wall that he does not care about me at all. I need the strength that is within me to sustain me bc that is a hard one for me. But it must be done, I know
I give you huge credit on the first - that's no easy task. On the second, there is no rush and it cannot be forced. The hurt and anger are - justifiably - front and center for a long time. At some point, you get tired of giving them that prominence.
Yeah it happened to me 4 times. From 1983 to today this is rough I’m older and married 24 years. I am disabled and have no one but a 41 yo daughter. But cannot see but every once in awhile working all the time… still sucks but I remember and know I’ll get through it. But damn I really loved her but I turned into a dysfunctional asshole. I hurt physically and have physically problems and just cannot do what I used to do getting old. My dad was widowed and worked all his life labor and owner of a company. When he got in his 80’s he was going blind and still thought he could do the things he used to do years ago and it killed him. Sad. Well I ga e to say there are less days ahead than behind now for me. It’s just life. Be thankful for family & friends.
The only way to move on from a divorce( IF you loved them) Is....if you fall in love again.......WITHOUT actually looking for love..I am divorced 13 years now and yet to fall in love again...the RIGHT person is out there for everybody...but you dont ALWAYS find them.
It's been a year since my ex husband left. Looking through some old documents today, I found and read some of our love letters from early in the day and now I'm a sobbing mess. I can't believe all the things that happened between us. I don't know if I'll ever love again or truly be over him or trust again. I don't know if anyone can love me better than he did or if they will or if I will let them. Everything seems so bleak. I can't believe that this is my life now.
@@Mojojo129 I know, right? Seems like the sensible thing to do. But it's all still so fresh, and since I don't want to look back with regret, I just keep the memorabilia well hidden and out of reach. When he left, he didn't even take the letters I painstakingly wrote him... 😢
I did the same with the memorabilia - it was in my mom's attic 1,000 miles away for 14 years until I had the strength and desire to go through it. You don't have to make any permanent decisions about it right now.
i've already detached myself and i am happy for him and his happiness is not mine and he is not mine... but no way do i want a new relationship. not because i don't want to be hurt and vulnerable but because... well what for? i'm happier alone than in relationships, generally.
A week ago my wife of 12 years goes to a conference returns a different person, says she wants to get a divorce and now my wife is on Tinder having casual sex with men, every night... I knew our marriage was a bit rocky, but I had been falling further in love after 12 years. This last year was particularly growing for me in that sense closer to her, when she came back from the conference in Chicago, she was like a completely different person. She didn't admit to an affair happening but, It still feels that way to me. Can't say that I'm too happy about those milestones. Apparently she had moved on during our relationship and didn't tell me about it or give me a chance to try to make it better
A week ago!?! Oh my goodness, you are still reeling from all that you have discovered. Right now, the goals are more in line with ensuring that you’re sleeping and eating and figuring out the immediate next steps. Hang in there. The way it feels right now won’t be the way it always feels.
Absolutely! So many women are left with low self-esteem after a divorce and not in a place where they can easily trust again. It is absolutely a key step as you describe and often one of the hardest to reach. When we can allow ourselves to feel vulnerable again we can know we have reached a turning point. Thanks for sharing.
@@djeemeehandrick7434 Hi. No offence intended - I'm a women's life coach by profession so my reply was coming from the perspective of working solely with women. I'm sorry to hear of your emotional pain and wish you recovery and happiness in the future.
Statistics shows over half of divorces are created by women. So!! They cause their own low self esteem lil homie! Debra is paying someone else to fill her head with BS lol.
I read it, im a dude and didn’t get offended. Divorce is grief and it takes some serious effort or time to work through it. If coupled with kiddos and trying to help them adjust, moms and dads would benefit more talking a few times a week, it’s awkward at first but how else can we start to rebuild coparent confidence and trust
Well I'm going threw a divorce and still live together . He flirts and talk to people in front of me, it hurts so bad . He has no respect or love for me. This is a hard pill to swallow. I know he never loved me he always cheated or had aside piece to console him. I'm not going the extra mile for someone like that
The intimate relationship one is tough.. I wasn't expecting that one. I have tons of friends, but if I'm honest, I haven't let anyone in close yet.. not the way I need to in order to really heal..Good one!❤
I wish I could understand milestone # 2 when I was moving on from my first relationship. I even manipulated him into thinking that he's trapped with a stupid woman in his engagement and am out here having fun with lots of options in front of me.
I am so sorry. Four months is early yet. It sounds smart not to trust anyone at this point. And please remember - you are NOT your divorce. You are not worthless or a failure. You are a valuable person who is going through a very hard time.
I struggle with the second one. My ex was a cheater and liar who ruined our family and it just feels deeply unfair and hurtful that he found a new relationship right away. I’m not sure I’ll ever get past it. But I suppose I agree that being “happy for him” would represent a milestone 🙄
My issue is….my ex will not move on. He has no friends, no family. He has no interest in looking for someone else. He cries and begs me to continue talking to him. I feel so guilty, and I feel so sorry for him. It keeps me from being able to move on. I would love for him to find someone else and be happy, but he has no belief that it will ever happen, and clings on to me. It’s awful. It’s sad.
The man is lonely God damn. It difficult when older. I guess he finds it difficult because he isn't wealthy enough for the women out there. He will find somebody eventually. It takes time.
Im coping with divorce by buying apartment needing to be renovated. Now i go to work and when i come home im fixing stuff. I dunno for who i do this (my kids actualy) but it helps some days and other days i feel like crap. Im only 10 months in and i know i have loooooong way to go...
i did that relationship with friends who made it through it , or wouldn’t have survived it … she moves on it’s ok , … it’s only been 7 month , but 700 miles away was part of the healing….
My wife left me with 3 kids under 5. One is barely 15 months old. She is partying drinking and drugging acting like a teenager and now has left the state. So I feel you. I’m tryin to raise 3 kids alone with a full time job and full time graduate school. I’m just giving over the shell shock but I am starting to feel better. I have goals, monthly and daily. I’m eating healthier, working out and doing yoga morning and night. I’m going to get in the best shape of my life. Great goal!! Focus on God and so thankful for His Word and peace He brings. You’re not alone, trust in God. He Brings healing snd love.
I been divorced almost 2 years i miss her so much i love her but we are diffrent hard to communicate since im from diffrent country love was there but if u cant communicate well u can’t keep going i feel bad for my daughter and stepson but its is what is
Same here, I'm struggling with point 2 and I don't know what to do. I find it especially hard because I can't bear the thought of my daughter living with another guy for 50% of her time. They are moving in together in 2 months and I don't know how I'm going to survive it.
I think the hardest part is that you want you and them to move on, but when they seam to move on quickly, say after a few months then that makes you wonder did they even love you in the first place. Using the excuse people change to make out that it wasnt them who made you leave the marriage, heavey drinking, mental abuse and gas lighting, going from the most loving person in the world to someone you dont recognise is and was the hardest thing i have experienced. I walked out after 7 years and it seams she didnt care that i was gone, blaming me for her drinking and feeling depressed, and making me feel like a failure at my marriage, because i left. Giving her chance after change to get help and change, her telling me if i didnt like it i could f£#k off. And the stupidest thing after 9 months if i was given the chance and she had changed...i would take her back in a heart beat just to hold her in my arms again.😢
Literallt 33 years old and no social skills whatsoever. Step one, Have emotional intimacy, yeahhhh good luck with that one for me... No friends, folks at work dont understand me. She was the only one I thought understood me..........
then work on your social skills first. it's never too late to choose better things in life. go outside, meet people, ask questions about them, tell something about yourself. and most of all, if you feel anxiety while talking to them, then tell them how you feel. don't simply get up and leave or avoid them because you don't know what to do. fix your inner problems then look for a girl. because even if you again find a woman who understands you for you, she still can't take place of your friends or family.
Find meetups where you can meet people with common interests as you. Get interested in their hobbies, ask questions, give suggestions/recommendations. Enjoy a coffee or break bread with these strangers.
It was lonely aged 51 in south africa. Children overseas, sister passed away,, married friends toococcupied with their husbands. Old friends left the country, in 69 when l left the uk l lost contact with uk friends, eventually zambian and Botswan friends. We moved around a lot. Two best friends passed away.
I got to know another person he is amazing but time to time i feel like scared of being completely vulnerable because my heart was hurt from divorce and im afraid i will fail again, i want to get married and have kids my first marriage was when i was 17, he was 28, lot of abuse, now im 26 and i want to move on but sometimes i get so angry how a person can waste our times and how i can still have concerns for a person that cared about me whats wrong with me, was 7 years of marriage a whole life together, what i do wity the constant memories that comes randomly
I was with my soon to be Ex for 23 years, I’m 39. She has a boyfriend and the divorce is not finalized. I am struggling with the second milestone as it seems like a Spiteful/selfish move to me as I have 2 kids under 7. She seems to be putting her future above my children’s and that is my only issue. As far as her boyfriend I only want a good person around my kids. Also Do not want her brining another Man around my kids so quick. What is your Advice on a timeframe for when it is ok for a Newly Divorced woman to bring another Man around my kids? I said at least be dating for a year because my fear is she will bring multiple men around my young kids. Over the next 3-5 years 🤦♂️
I’ve been divorced nearly two years after 40 years. I’m still living at my daughters and haven’t moved on. I can afford to live in the town my kids live and will have to move hundreds of miles away to a more affordable area (UK) I’m scared...frightened...broken...how can I move, physically and mentally.please help!??????
Oh I feel you, I am undergoing a divorce right now and I don’t know how to move on. My wife filed for a divorce and I struggling to cope up with. I am asian and divorce is new to me as there is no divorce in my country. Move here in Kent and it is much cheaper to live.
My husband of 40 years just left me on January 3rd 2021. I had no idea it was coming and I too am a wreck. I didn't think a body could produce so many tears. I can't eat or sleep. He has moved into an apartment somewhere in I have no idea where he is. I feel your pain because I am living it daily
@@baileybug776 I’m so sorry you are going through this, it’s the worst pain ever! Im still living with my daughter and haven’t moved out yet (pandemic) and I’m only halfway through the healing process, it’s the same (or worst IMO) as a bereavement and we are all unique, so there’s not time limit on how you get through this. Feel free to message me if you need support 😪💜💜💜
The longer you sit around and cry over spilt milk the worse the divorce will be. Yes there is a time we all hurt however there's also a time to move on. The sooner you move on the better off you'll be.
My husband asked me for a divorce today. He always threatens me with a divorce.. i finally am done... with this marriage.. i am so angry but i wil get over this .... life sucks...
This is extremely hard. I'm going through this divorce and she told me that God told her I was suppose to be happy with someone else.but there is a lot more to the story of course. She accused me for years of cheating when I was not. She had infidelity in our marriage a few years ago. But now that's we've been separated for 3 months and we're getting a divorce I'm ready to move on but I would like just fornince in her life to say she was the reason why the marriage didn't work but she can't do it.
It's difficult to start again aged 53. Especially, when he is happily living with That woman. Not a younger one. Infact 6 years older than myself. I was 47 she 53. I am 77 now. He passed away 15 years ago. That women18 mths before my ex. Both from cancer. Quite a story isn't it? More to say. A lot of water has passed under the bridge.
I had no friends of my own when I met my gf & future wife. She left me. Threatened divorce endlessly. I'm still waiting on divorce papers after 3 years. no communication nothing between us. she lives 4 states away. I want no friends. I am damaged from her. had online counseling. she is a heartless dog. I can't afford a lawyer. she owns 2 businesses. she forced me out of her home so she can rent it out. spousal support ended last Jan. a total nightmare
I see my stbxw as emotionally compromised from pain meds and we lost 2 boys in our marriage. Taking pain pills and 2 weeks high then 2 weeks nothing. A ex fiancé from 30 years ago coming into her life didn’t help. Confessing she never stopped loving him…. Yea, I never have to accept her happiness in staying with this guy. I may have to live with the knowledge it’s going on, but even Christ hated sin and told us to repent before it’s too late. She told me she shouldn’t have done it but did it anyway. This does not mean I have to accept it, this only means I feel sorry for her. She’s removed herself from salvation and I pray she sees clearly soon and rectifies her path. I’m divorcing her as she asked but it never will mean that I agreed with it or are pulling for her “‘happiness “.
My ex-wife is a covert narcissist who has cheated on two spouses. How could I ever possibly be happy about her being in a relationship? "Maybe this guy will be different?" The horrible woman needs help. She destroys everything (everyone) she touches.
My ex is similar. I want him to be happy because that means that he has addressed whatever was prompting his destructive actions and is no longer hurting anyone else.
How can I get my wife to understand that if she is still maintaining a dependency with her ex husband when it comes to certain things dealing with finances and simply turning towards him for a support that should come clearly from myself. And is it ever ok for a woman who is divorced to go and stay weeks at a time under the ex husband roof just to handle certain things and leaving her new husband to wonder and struggle to understand the whole thing of why it is that she divorced him but yet seemingly naturally just is drawn to him with an unsettling way to expect from
I'm om phase non cause she left a note not even giving me any sense of closure or finality just a screw u so I wudnt even know where to begin its hard wen u don't even know
You say you don't know but we as women constantly yell and tell you what we want and what we need to change and you men always think it's our period or we're being moody even my husband always constantly tries to get me on pills and see a therapist which I have for many years and it's still him he doesn't let me leave the house he doesn't let me spend money he doesn't let me see friends he doesn't let me drink he doesn't let me do anything that involves me getting the chance to meet other people and possibly find out that I don't love him anymore well all this action obviously made me not love him anymore so now that I want to leave I don't even know if I physically can if he'll even let me without police getting involved I've tried before and he just follows me so I'm actually in a different situation my friends I have tried leaving many times I know when I think about him I want to go back but I can't even leave physically because I also love him so I don't want him to get in trouble. But on the contrary side he tried to get me arrested 2 years ago so why do I even care.
Also I visualize him with someone else on the daily and tell myself all the reasons why I need to leave for my health anyway it doesn't hurt anymore I visualize him in bed making love to the most beautiful woman ever and me finding out about it it doesn't make me angry anymore it makes me happy that somebody is making him happy because I can't do that.
Hi, get anyone you love or (SP) attracted to you. And also get your EX back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Steve, he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek his help thanks.
I think this is an interesting opinion, but the second one is odd. It's best I don't think or worry about who or what he is in a relationship with. So sorry maybe that worked for you, but it's best I don't worry about it.
Oh, I certainly don't waste my energy thinking about who he is with. I also don't spend my energy wishing him ill. I want him to be okay, but I don't need - or want - any details. In my mind, the second milestone is all about releasing the weight of them.
