Im 100% a fearful avoidant, but I got dumped. I think its not really fear of losing independence but fear of getting abandoned if we get too close. When we realise they are gone we dont even want any independence, we just get self destructive becuase we miss them and blame ourselves. 100% childhood trauma.
Well, that's the thing about fearful avoidants. They tend to have both core wounds. What you said about the childhood bit is on the nose. I interviewed a therapist last week about just this. Going to be releasing a video on it soon :) .
I had an ex that had some extremes Tough to communicate most days. On certain days and this could take months, explosion of emotions let out. This would catch me off guard. Drinking probably used as a coping mechanism. I can go on and on Some people may be severe or just a little fearful But my exes extremes. Sometimes I'd be left thinking damn, I'm almost convinced it's all my fault
@chrisseitercoaching my ex had major childhood trauma. Abandoned and abused in many ways. 12 years oldand the breakup was hard for many reasons. The pain led me to good coaches, and I've learned how to cope with issues healthier, communicate better etc etc She moved on emotionally immediately. Smh, 1 hr after I left, she called me to tell me how her now husband was grotesque. I immediately said, "Listen, please don't contact me to talk about his downfalls or your issues." She didn't want to be with me, so why are you venting to me. Anyways, 2 yrs after that phone call, she married this man. Due to financial ties, we or should I say I had to chase her for financial reasons due to her being on my credit. She never missed any payment when we were together. Once I left, it was almost monthly
whenever you miss them you should’nt avoid those feelings within youreself , you should actually fully feel them accept the fact that they are gone and move on with youre life
Why even bother of thinking what your ex goes through? It just lets them live in your head rent free, when you need the time to selfreflect and take time for self care.
In my opinion, dismissive and fearful types are just completely undateable as is. They need to change but no one should sacrifice themselves trying to help them do so.
I was in a very long term relationship as an FA. We are not all basket cases, just guarded and sensitive. I do value communication and hope that if my partner wants my empathy with their shortcomings, you’ll understand I have my own.
Yes, too many ppl believe they can be half of a relationship. No. You need to be whole going into a relationship. Curious what the comment about "shortcomings" means. Usually it's saying this is how I am deal with it. In which case, fuxk that. And circle back to your well stated original comment posted. 👏 ❤
The total paradox is they have this ideal partner in their minds. A person who possesses all these great qualities. Their expectations are unrealistic but they eventually discard good people because they themselves don’t feel good enough !! Do they not realise the insanity of that ??
ah yes... the irony!! (The childhood trauma is strong in DA/FA) Theyre so avoidant that they will never self reflect, be accountable on their part, and take steps to heal. The healing is a long journey for the avoidant, so theyll never try....
FA here, core wound is mostly about vulnerability . Being abandoned yes, losing oneself, yes but it’s the assumption that feelings for someone will hurt you or bring pain. The connection itself is dangerous.
Really, guys?? Forget about these avoidant, nervous, anxious, semi dismissive avoidant unsecure shit. You need someone who truly loves you without BS, someone who is secure about you. In breakups hope is the FIRST thing you need to lose, trust me, I lost 5 years of my life waiting for her to come back because I thought her "anxious avoidant" crap will fade away with time and she will come back. Work on be the person you would like to have with you, you need to be a complete human being who enjoy your own company. If you put your life on hold watching all these videos trying to analize your ex "attachement style" will put so much anxiety on yourself and fueling the "hope" Live in present! If you cannot move on after some time, ask for professional help. Trust me
Right all of a sudden they have all these ridiculous labels and people are falling left and right for it .SOME PEOPLE JUST TREAT FOLKS LIKE TRASH AND THAT IS IT!!!!
DA- 1. Separation elation, relief, pressure to connect is gone - 6-8 weeks 2. Feelings and thoughts start to bubble to surface Stage 1 and 2 and 3 go back and forth 3. Re-suppression 4. Decides to move on. Avoidant side eventually wins out. Self fulfilling cycle. Jump from one relationship to the next, deactivation strategy. Seeks out a similar person as their ex. 5. Nostalgia. Longs for their ex. Fear of engulfment transforms to fear of abandonment Feels SAFE only when being left alone, and realizes the dating landscape isn’t as good as you. Fearful Avoidants 1. Complete shut down and deactivate more at first. Drink alcohol, go on lots of dates w/ lots of people. Has trauma aspect, inconsistencies. Neglect from partner. Burden becomes unbearable. Distance to protect themselves. 2. Feelings beginning to bubble to surface. Anxious swing to avoidant and back and forth. Convince self they have no feelings left. Recovers quick. When given space, move from emotional reaction to logic. 3. Pendulum swings full force. Anxious core wound- abandonment. And fear of losing independence and avoidance. Swings back and forth. 4. Attempt to move on. Suppression or rejection. If no contact, they’re tired of the anxious side. Have deep sense of empathy. Have guilt and internalizes it. Afraid they’re not good enough which is reinforced by people they date. Negative self talk. Unbearable. Their attempt to receive validation can backfire. 5. Start to stabilize. Can enter a phantom ex stage. Can remember what they miss, how good it felt in good times. Nostalgia loop. Prefer to have the ideals in their head. Usually seek out someone similar to you, don’t learn from old patterns. In and out of relationships a lot. Compare everyone to the ex. Distorted view of relationships. End relationships because of an unrealistic standard in their heads. Shouldn’t have to put in effort.
I wonder what is the purpose of these videos. To help people who have a dismissive partner get them back? Because even if you DO get them back after no contact, it just starts the cycle over again and doesnt seem like the relationship would be sustainable at all. Fix your own attachment styles to become a secure attachment so you can experience real, healthy love.
I think it’s more about understanding that people like that exist. It’s educational and allows people to start their own journey to healing, growing and overcoming heartache/heartbreak. Not necessarily to get an ex who are those types of attachments.
@@Yourattorneysarahthis is how I heal since my therapist and myself can’t even figure out what happened! Everything was going well and then bam, I got dumped. Guess it wasn’t going well for him.
By the point they have been with someone else, you should stand your ground and say no, I don't want you to go away! Never take an ex back after they have been with someone else! Edit: I truly loved this woman like I'd never loved before it was strange. I notlw think it's because of a truma bond. She made her bed and don't want me ok someone better will, I only wished she didn't tell everyone on Are we dsting the same guy I was this horrible man when I did everything for her! She once said if I can't have you, no one will! Dating is impossible now!
Basically, stay the hell away from fearful avoidants!! They will turn your life into living hell, blame you for it, and then run away without giving you the chance to even realize what happened. I'm been recovering from a very damaging relationship with one of these. Worst thing that could happen to me, to meet this idiot while I was myself recovering from an accident.
I'm very sympathetic toward the avoidants' fears and concerns in relationships; however, I also have a right to expect my needs to be met - some, at least, if not all. If the environment of the relationship is so toxic that I can't even express what I need or want within reason, then it's not a relationship I want to stay in. It's okay to understand your partner and to sympathize/empathize with their plight, but you are equally important and there is no shame in leaving if your mental health is being harmed. It doesn't make you a bad person to put yourself first sometimes. Try to work it out, of course, but it's vital that you know when you walk away to save yourself.
My ex dropped me suddenly like a bad habit. Now her whole family thinks she's stupid for throwing away a good man and opportunity to come to America. Now she's feeling stupid because even her grandmother told her she made a mistake.
Moral of the story: you can not escape true love, or your own feelings deep down inside. It’s best to be secure open to receive and give love graciously to stop the pattern of loneliness and relationship death wheels we are all seeking consciously or unconsciously to get off of.
Amazing video thankyou. I'm a fearful avoidant who was dumped by a dismissive avoidant.I'm 98 days NC and going strong in stage 5. I've re found myself, in therapy, going to the gym, rebuilt old friendships and getting to a point emotionally were I really don't know if I want her back, even though i miss things. And trust me I was a mess 3 months ago.
It's been 2 more weeks. How are you holding up? I was in similar situation, but once I gave in and broke NC, I'm back to the square one. I'm not sure I can go through all of this suffering again. "I'm not sure" meaning "I'm about to k*ll myself". Seriously, I have no hope left. I can't take this anymore.
@luckykitty2604 don't do that....time is always the answer, once u realise or trust in that, you might even be able to cut some time and get to a better place quicker. Stay strong!
I just got dumped by one of these after only a one month relationship due to bringing up the topic of work. While she would talk about her work plenty, when I brought it up it was "too intense on her vibration" and made her uncomfortable. I checked out when I realized I couldn't just be a human being with her and she was expecting an ideal. I was willing to work through that, she obviously was not and just ended it. I told her I was grateful for the brief connection and wished her the best. I'm realizing especially with this video that I lost nothing worthwhile. I deserve entirely better and someone who is as emotionally available as I am and willing to navigate both positive and negative emotions with my partner. The hard part is it seems that is so rare, but I know it does exist. I'm not going to give up but this all definitely reinforced what I'm looking for and that I need to be able to be myself first and foremost in a relationship with someone. My attachment style is more anxious but has become a lot more secure, but I've got work to do and I think that will help. I appreciate the content, this is really eye opening stuff and really resonates as true.
I'm going through something similar every time I would bring up a relationship concern I was called negative or that I was looking for somthing wrong. Nope I just have feelings that aren't 100% high vibe or uplifting. We're just humans, they want a fantasy relationship.
If you are an anxious individual who is heading there attachment wounds it’s probably best to avoid dating DA’s/ FA’s who aren’t doing the internal work.
“ Expecting perfection in a relationship without any hardship or emotional vulnerability.” When a relationship does have these problems they simply end relationships. Trying to compare relationship to relationship to only positive ideals. This is unrealistic. Cognitive distortion
DUDE it’s scary how accurate you are with these facts, I relate to the fearful and anxious. before I even knew what that was , , hearing you list what we do and being so correct just blew my mind
I just learned I'm a fearful-avoidant. I was recently dumped because I ended up pushing my loving partner away. He got into a rebound relationship 3 weeks after he dumped me. This video describes me to a T, it is scary to hear these things. But so much makes sense now and I can work on healing myself and becoming healthy.
I broke it off with my DA. He was getting triggered and reactive, I started to shut down myself, a little threatened by his prickly behaviour. I've just lost my son, and he walked out four days after another disagreement at a time when I needed him the most, 'who does that ' 😔 he reached out to me after 10 days no contact, im very aware he struggles with his feelings,I understand and we work through it, but this time im not sure how to forgive him at a time like this, he fleed and abandoned me when my son just died. There doesn't seem to be any hope that he is capable of a healthy attachment after this. Im already completely Gobsmacked. How does one navigate through that. He's a sweet man, but jeeeesus, that's gone too far.💔
@JS-dv9ji Thank you ,🥰indeed. Yes, I'm generally securely attached and emotionally intelligent, and so zero tollarance from me,feelings of the heart are often convoluted and complex. I guess the love that hurts is always different to love that heals, albeit the same 🥰neeeext life goes on death of any kind, teaches you that ❤️may your day surprise and delight you all day and every day 💝
That’s awful! I’m so sorry! 💔 My ex DA also seemed to time the worst types of abandonment at the worst times. It would feel planned. It was narcissistic behavior, tbh. He is also a very “nice guy” type. As long as there were no concerns or conflict, he would stay nice. But that stuff is inevitable in a close or real relationship. He also (admittedly) lacked empathy. I learned many hard lessons from that relationship. One was to redefine what “nice” really is, and to never again use it to vet a person. It means nothing. I’m terribly sorry to hear about your son. I cannot imagine that nightmare. 😢
@kaylinnb Thank-you for your kind words. Indeed, kindness is perceived differently. His new lady looks like me,but it's not me🤦♀️ 🫣I wish him well. 😊FA do what they do. Heal you sweetheart ❤️
Breadcrumbing, ghosting, no contact... all these things are power-plays for the low EQ, naive, players. Unless these things are done toward an abusive person to get away from that abusive person, then its abusive on your part to perpetrate. In other words, if you are receiving this treatment and you didn’t do anything horrible to deserve it - then you are being manipulated and abused. If you DID do something horrible or illegal (stalking someone, kick their dog, hit them, betray their trust, etc...etc...) then you deserve their treatment. All this attachment theory is fine, but whatever they are isn't your problem. Even if you watch every youtube video, read every book, or even earn a PhD in psychology, you'll still never 100% figure it out or be able to change another human being - so don't bother. Let them go. As I wrote above - in essense, the behaviors they are showing you are maladaptive and you'll never have a successful relationship with someone like that anyway. Move on and if you want to live by attachment theory, then go find a person with a secure attachment style. If you also have a secure attachment style, then that is what you need. If you are attracted to these other maladaptive types, then you need to look in the mirror and work on your own issues...not their's.
I guess the reason these vodeos exist is because of the hyperfixation of the anxious on getting their ex back. It is unfortunately part of the axious maladaptive reactions. Understanding the pattern might help some let go. And I agree that in essence, it is better to have videos targeted at the different groups so that they can help themselves. As you said, nobody can change another person.
Ya know... For all this video's production value and it's target audience, it really does leave out the part where people come back. I'm not sure about this video In my experience, exes come back sometimes, but you do have to give them space.
Yeah but I guess it's better to just realize the most plausible truth now right? You said in your experience, exes sometimes come back. I would say honestly in my experience, no one thats dumped me ever did come back.@@jonathanb6911
"they should put any effort on their part", basically a spoiled lazy and arrogant child. I want a partner, a teammate who can watch my back while I watch hers, not a perpetual kid. I wonder why this last sentence triggered me a bit, maybe I didn't receive these things enough in my childhood? I just can't stand people who think they can get away with things without paying the price or earn these things. Leechers.
Yeah, while you think she’s going through stages during no contact. Meanwhile, she’s paying you no mind and getting railed by the replacement that was set in place well before the breakup.
I dont know if a gree with this when someone leaves you and breaks off they feel relieved that they are free of you and are expecting the other person to beg or explain or say lets try and work it out but they dont give a shit and the more you call or have contact the more they will make you feel worse just say ok take care and never call them again
I got into a situationship to deal with a previous breakup (a narcissist). I wasn't looking for any commitment, and I was clear to let him know. The avoidants inconsistancy made me feel something wasn't right with me, so I started therapy. Found out I was leaning more anxious. This avoidant brought it out in me severely and was always leaving me confused. He eventually wanted to make things official, and I agreed. I threatened to leave him many times for his inconsistency. I guess something triggered him (me not reaching out in two days), which made him swing into his anxious side. So when I finally reached out, he swung into his avoidant side. I ended things with him. I had enough. I'll be changing my number soon 👋
Some advice next time if you're really not looking for commitment don't agree to make it official be more assertive & say no i dont want to be in a relationship
Yeah, I got the full cat/mouse (they’re the mouse that loves being chased) and breadcrumbing experience. It also caused me to lean very AA, rather than just end it. Which is what I should’ve done. It was “no label” for about 5-6 months, but “serious” and exclusive. It was an awful experience. A lot of the behavior seemed fair at first, because it was early stages. He swore he was just “slow.” Just needed time. But yeah…nearly 4 years later he never changed his avoidant behaviors on any deep level. He didn’t say ILY until after 3 years and me breaking it off. Just to give an idea of how the DA fun continued, ha. A nightmare that I’m glad is over. I’m still picking up pieces of myself and my life, but at least I’m on this side of it.
You said something at 13:54 which I think most people in relationships don't do; communicate what they want and need; "You need to back off a little bit". (maybe said in a gentler way😊) People aren't mind readers, so if this isn't communicated then the other person retreats to get space, instead of asking for it, which in turn makes the Fearful Avoidant move closer; the very thing the other person doesn't want! Communication is the key.
I mean it's interesting when you study breakups all you essentially see is this simple fact. People think they know how to communicate but when it comes down to it they struggle deeply with it because it's hard to communicate something that you are sure will upset the other person.
@@chrisseitercoaching Wow! so true. I had it happen to me. Ex had been bottling up resentment of all the little things that I did that annoyed him and they came gushing out in one angry avalanche!!! Better to not let things fester and just tell me/communicate. I was swamped by it... He lost me after that as I'd never know going forward it he was bottling up more stuff ready to unleash. Anyway, I enjoy your videos. Can relate to the nostalgia and wistfulness at end of a relationship... Human behaviour when it's to do with matters of the heart is so interesting and illogical. Even though we know all of this, can be intelligent at capable at work we repeat illogical sabotaging patterns when it's to do with the heart. 💔
I’m just shocked how everything describes my ex. Totally avoidant and blame shifting man. We could never have a conversation where I would be heard even for 10%. I was secure before but with him , I because anxious and fearful. All the lies and cheating he put me through made me EXTREMELY anxious. Always leaving and then coming back, seems like something a crazy person would do. But I guess if I’m accepting him back, I’m the crazy one 🤣
Avoidants either fearful or dismissive are basically narcissists. They get into a relationship, drain the target's feelings and they've known since day 1, that relationship has an expiry date. Avoid the avoidants even harder than them
not always? my ex was a clinger and low key narcissist and i was the avoidant. i was only protecting her the best way i could. she stopped drinking and smoking finally, then she got me to dump her, which i did, only to reconnect later as fwb, them she ghosted me. been over a year now
The behavior is indeed narcissistic, which means essentially unconscious self-preserving ego defense mechanism that can't take into account the needs of others. We ALL act healthily or malignantly narcissistic on any given day.
@@nightingale1207 The actions are still self-preserving. Thus narcissistic defense mechanisms. It's self-service over the needs of others ranging from healthy to malignant. NPD is a result of severe trauma. It's literally PTSD with rigid neurological and psychological defense mechanisms that are impenetrable due to the complexity of the person's trauma. Avoidant is not balanced in response to triggers and are more closely on the end of pathological. Here's the twist, same as for anxious preoccupied.
This has got to be the most amazing video in regards to “will my ex come back”. Everyone else on here (other dating coaches) seem to just say what people want to hear and give delusional hopes lol. Thanks for not supporting peoples delulu dreams
I feel so seen. Im a fearful avoidant and everything mentioned is 100% true. I am aware I need to be more conscious about how I present myself in my relationships now, now that I know Im going through this cycle.
LMAO - The dismissive will throw a 🥳 party! Totally embracing the time apart from whoever they choose ! LOL....Funny , I just heard you mention Party as I was writing this.
Thanks for this one. I am going through something similar with my ex. I have been thriving since we split a few months ago, launching a new novel trilogy I've been working on for years as well as a short story that's, well, about "us." I've been doing over a dozen podcast interviews, and, yes, the interviewer almost always asks about the man in the story. (I changed our names). He resurfaced 3 weeks ago and then again a few days ago, making it clear he's watching and following me. He even says he's looking forward to reading the sequel to our story. This is what makes your video so important. Some of the others try to suggest that the DA doesn't feel good enough or will be intimidated by us if we improve on our own. I have learned that our best path forward is to THRIVE. In my case it not only makes that stage of their missing you much more compelling it also makes you care a lot less that they do.
This means a lot! I don't think a lot of people realize how many hours went into making this. At least 100 hours so seeing comments like this make my day.
My X over time in the relationship, she felt entitled, played the victim, complained, put herself on a pedestal, validation seeking, controlling, ungrateful, manipulated and gaslighting before the discard. My X left for a rebound guy because I stood my ground and got tired of being a target of her insecurities. I upgraded and leveled up while my X down graded.
A month ago my ex told me she loved me and broke it off over text. Said she wasnt looking for anything new but wanted to focus on herself. We share spotify still and shes since been listening to Taylor Swift break up songs on repeat. I believe shes trying to brainwash herself into not coming back. All while sending me a message thru the music. I love her and want her back but I think urge to be single will be the end.
I never cared about what the Ex went through especially when she left me. I never needed a "rule" to have no contact, it is as natural to me as breathing. Funny thing is she would get in contact with me, only to confront a dial tone.
If your ex is going to come back, especially if you have an avoidant ex, you will have to suck this up. If you will hear from him/her it will be sometime between days 45-60. Broke up with mine many times. Finally I went NC and both times I did it. She came back in days 46 and day 48
Thank you for telling me of this about feaful avoidant, I’m full secure and bit anxious. I am ready for this plan coming back, I am giving her space and my own space. I never attack my own body, I rise up and never give up.
There are so many underpinnings of mental and personality disorders including dissociation, covert and overt narcissistic traits, and particularly codependency. People and relationships have to be seen as drugs. Literal addiction to the neurotransmitters of attachment. This video does a better job than most, but at this point, if people arent going to therapy there's not much for the average person to understand. People need to heal codependency in this era. I'm a clinical therapist in a behavioral health residential facility and I've whittled down thousands of cases to treating all behaviors as codependency.
Liked and subbed, please(!) could you do a video on the relationships/breakups/reattraction between secure and anxious types? I think I made this all go very sour because of my anxious relationship issues, put a lot of it on her, but having done the partner quiz I think she was actually secure. It would be good to see if what I am thinking is along the right lines. Thank u!
My avoidant ex would tell me that he was afraid of me realizing he’s not as great as I think he is. Then he’d tell me that I’m so beautiful to not settle for less than I deserve. I didn’t know he was an avoidant and I had become anxiously attached but now that we’re broken up I look back and realized we weren’t as compatible as I thought and he was trying to hint that to me.
Have you considered maybe lowering the volume of the music so your voice is easily heard instead of having to put the volume way up only to be distracted by this weird music?
Why would you get back together after breaking up? If it’s that bad that you need to go no contact in the first place, it’s probably not with going back to.
There’s one who is happy to be free from a cycle; and the other just misses the availability of their former supply, eventually (I give it 21-60 days of no contact).
Chris, I actually met up with a person I dated again earlier in january after she discarded me in October last year. Things were fine, we were talking normally on the phone for a while but when we met up and went to an event, she started hitting her head and when I asked her if she was ok, she said she was fine and forgot something. She then acted cold after the show and tried to start an argument. Next day, she asked if we stopped being in contact. I thought we were friends and she said she couldn't be a friend and hangs up on me. 10 mins later, she rings me and says we can be friends. There's something really wrong here from this behaviour and I decided I had enough but ended it amicably. I got a text from her 4 days later and never really responded to her. I do care for her but this is a crazy rollercoaster. Not sure if these are mind games or she really does need to get help.
I don’t want the DA back but it does put a smile on my face that he may be suffering now cuz he realized he fucked up and find it amusing that I could possibly haunt him for the rest of his life as a “phantom ex”.
My ex did none of this. So which is she? She dumped me after 4 years abd jumped into rebound the same week and then came to my house 2 weeks later and was all over me and told me she loved me and then next say cold. 3 weeks into NC she reached out and asked if i was still waiting on her. Then we went back into NC and havent heardd from her in month. She still with this loser of a guy who is 31 and still lives with mommy and daddy.
This video legit had me laughing out loud because I’m realizing I was actually “Stage 4” of the DA cycle. It all makes sense now. My ex who discarded me a month ago, broke up with another boyfriend 3 months before meeting me. That puts you just past that 8 week window, she used me to move on or as a “rebound” and when you mentioned about how they’ll make the new boyfriend the greatest person who the ex could never live up to, she told me that no one had ever treated her as well as I did and make her feel as safe and seen as I did, then she dumped me 48 hours after she claimed a night we spent together was one of the single greatest nights of her life. I guess it does make me feel a little better that shes fully self aware of her avoidant traits and she’s going to therapy for it
Because they don’t have no feelings, they go radio silence and block me just on instagram but not on the phone… fucking reading my texts but not replying back.. wtf 😂
It also depends on who does the breaking up. DAs get dumped as well and I guarantee they’re not “relieved” if they didn’t want the breakup. Also, you can’t tell me all these exes are DA and FA. People only think their exes are avoidants rather than AP, instead of realizing someone just doesn’t want to be with them
Is it possible that some mistake avoidance for not being that into you We all act more avoidant when We aren’t that into somebody , particularly if the person is anxious
They are just stone cold heartless monsters who have no empathy for anone but themselves. The rebound, monkey branch, move on with ease, no guilt, no shame, no remorse, just ice cold and utterly heartless, leaving person after person emotionally destroyed.
I don't think any of these descriptions are right for each individual. I know a fearful avoidant, he never dumped me just stopped showing up for planned meet ups but still wanted to be in touch and he never dates other people. He said he can't be what I need but I only wanted to see him once a week and I like my own company and live in another town. Sometimes he just all of a sudden asks me to come and see him at an inconvenient time and I say no but he gets scared if it's a planned meet up in advance.
It depends how we broke up. Im fearful avoidant and my ex cheated on me. I dont care how he endured break up. I dont care about it at all. No contact rule and moving on with my life without this parasite...
Wow.. I broke up with my FA boyfriend 2 years ago, he initiated it... He started contacting me a month ago... He blocked me everywhere when we broke up... Just can't believe its so accurate
Broke up on Sunday, told me to get out the house, I said alright cool. Her ex bf was always stalking her etc, once I ssid I will speak to him, she got very defensive he has a boy with his baby mama, not my girl, she was like I don't want his kid to be without a dad and suffer without one, I was like that's your choice and not your responsibility, met on Sunday night bc she left her keys in my car and I said come collect it made her travel 250 miles to come collect, started waving at me like nothing happened and said are you OK, literally kept it nonchalant and gave the keys and walked away back to my car. She hadn't blocked me on anything at all on socials, she views my story but I already went on other dates and posted them 🔥🔥... was only together for 3 months, ive been in no contact for 9 days straight now, i aint vieweing her stories at all.. any opinion on this
Would people rather study this than understand themselves and attract and build a relationship that meets their needs? Relationships are interactions. I believe our own fulfillment has little to do with the people choosing not to engage with us. But better understanding how the behaviors of others are triggering to us. Then deciding how we manage our beliefs and responses and/or choosing more mindful partners
Great presentation❣️Helps me understand both attachment styles. Would love some content on how a secure person would bring up attachment theory to a friend or partner who is unaware, without making them feel awkward and or deactivating completely. Keep up the great content!
@@heatherhilderbrand7298 I think your comment is in the wrong spot, but I think my comment above can help. I have a business. A big challenge for entrepreneurs is focusing on their dreams and expertise instead of solving their customers' problems. Many times, relationships are about solving problems and satisfying unmet needs. So, I suggest not talking about attachment theory unless it solves a specific problem. Because it is boring and awkward to bring up. Also, some work is best left to therapists. Your knowledge of attachment theory can help you be a better friend and recognize when to make a referral. You can help people by asking them how things felt, or how you can support them with a challenge. Or say things like, "It doesn't sound like they respected your boundaries," or "I think you deserve better treatment than that." If someone wonders how you seem like you know so much about relationships or stay so calm, you can say you've read a lot about attachment theory, or recommend a book or media channel. Otherwise, you're likely to regret coaching people who don't want coaching
I don’t really watch these types of videos kinda saw this by chance in my recommended…. And you said some things that reminded me of myself…. And I’m glad I grown from my past but just wow I got some stuff imma look into now
Wow, I don't have to worry about any of this lol. Because in my nearly 40 years of life, I've never once had a girl come back or reach out after I went no contact. Not once. Most of them either left me for another guy, or decided to "explore their options" immediately afterwards. So I'm pretty confident in saying that every girl I've known had only one stage when I went no contact: not giving a f***.
My ex did the same thing - unblocked me but still won't talk to me. I'm trying to figure out if he's the Fearful Avoidant type or Dismissive Avoidant type. Do you have an idea what your ex's type is? It would be super helpful for me. Thank you 😊
had anyone wonder why avoidant type whom were really small in number 20 years ago, suddenly everywhere right now? not only the number increase, but also the severity... yeah.. internet messed people up..
Agreed. It used to take effort to meet new people, now we have 24-hour access to a vast catalogue of potential partners all with their bios laid out for us. It lets people see what they're 'missing out' on by being with their current partner and allows them to shop for the 'ideal' one. The internet is also full of toxic people putting out videos giving reasons you need to leave your relationships for a 'better' life. This stuff wasn't around years ago and people would actually work on their relationships. Everything is just so much more disposable now, including partners.
So pretty much if you leave them alone and even if you work on their self, they’re going to be in their own head and they’ll never reach out to you is what this dude is saying
Ask yourself. Are they emotionally mentally mature, have self awareness, have worked on themselves and accept their trauma, but dont allow it to define them. Can communicate their needs clearly, They have grown. If no. And you dont feel your needs are heard or taken care of. Walk away. Hurt people, hurt people. Take it as a lesson of growth and with grace walk tall and onto what you need and deserve. ❤ they need a therapist not a partner.
FA here. When we broke up I begged to get back together and opened up about things I didnt work on and how I wanted to fix them and wantes to try couples therapy. She declined which is fine since it was a week after and she would have said no to anything. I told her I will step back and heal and focus on the break up and went NC and that I will reach out. Two months later she blocked me on socials. Now figuring out she might be avoidant also lmao.
