Why Almost All Avoidants Return After Rejecting You 

Hormones :(

Agree. I’ve done the extreme avoidant relationships. This is by far the most pain I’ve ever experienced. I was married to a diagnosed sociopath for 25 years. ( I didn’t know until the end) Got into a relationship with a diagnosed extreme avoidant. After several years of therapy I can say I’m over this and moving on. I do not want him back and what I found is once I healed my attachment style and l healed from his abusive behaviors; I no longer find this attachment style attractive. I wish him well and moving forward as I’m worth much more than all that.

Loneliness and selective memories of good times

Because they couldn’t find anyone new

@@UnacceptableTeepain is unbearable! Thank you for sharing. You have been a great reminder for me to keep up no contact .

Definitely feeling the pain right now 😢

It’s a comfort zone for someone who is scared of feeling zero pain

That makes sense in so many ways 🤔

I love that I will keep that saying for the rest of my life. Thank you for sharing that.

If it don’t fit you must acquit

That's deep. I like it.

if i need a phd in psychology its too much work to get back an avoidant

Good advice clickbait and false hope more than useful and trustworthy info. Wish creators were more responsible.

But why you did no contact in the first place? I don’t agree with this no contest rule especially if my partner just ghost me without any warning. He knows exactly I’ll be hurt and in pain , he purposely put the dagger through my heart so why would I try to reach back when he doesn’t care and respect me by just ghosting instead of communicating and figuring things out together.

Exactly. No girl that ended it with me ever returned and this is especially true if she's young, attractive and has an abundance of options.

False hope is torture. You’re right.

Ill be kind. But this is idiotic. No contact is NOT to get them back. Its to give Yourself the space to reflect and grow. Not only that but they tell you u have to forget them. Move on. If you keep thinking about them, then thats the energy you put out. That u havnt moved on. When they did move on. You come before You first and foremost. The majority of the time they feel the energy shift and creep around. It does happen. But the point of no contact isnt to wait for that moment. Its to be better, to make a good decision if the situation arises. Otherwise move on. Ppl get wrapped up with the pseudoscience, that they miss the whole point.

Is this always true though? I really wonder.

​@@denneciacarter If we live in a simulation yes. It could only be a test. A no win scenario.

It's monkey-branching

That’s only your view point lol

I got my avoidant ex back three times. Each time it worked for a time. But she just showed again that she didn't even want to spend lunch with me, just wanted me for rides so I'm going to stop having sex with her. I'm done with her this time around. Relationships shouldn't be this hard. Not even the sex is worth it. Who knows maybe we can actually be friends? Bottom line is this: relationships shouldn't be this hard.

Interesting. Are you perhaps avoidant?

How do you walk away from someone you are crazy about

@@asher6047 Tbh I can totally relate. It would be hard to actually be with someone you’re truly in love with. Imagine how hard it would be to focus on other important things like work or school when you’re being ignored or you’re “fighting”? You’d practically be obsessed. I actually relate to the OP here.

This is sad. For anyone who thinks this, you're missing out on something truly beautiful and rare. If you're crazy about them try to stick it out. It eventually smoothes out and gets more calm and it's soooo worth it!

@@asher6047I just did it. Hurts to know that she just wouldn’t ever be able to communicate in the open way I’d need her to, and I couldn’t see a long term future bc of that. I still love her with my whole heart, but I know I need things she can’t give. Sucks.

I do

🥹Thanks For This For Real👍🏼

😢

Exactly it's important to write this down and read it every time you feel any inkling of feeling drawn in by them again. Remember how horribly horribly horribly they treated you.

I really needed to see this comment right now. Thank you.🧡

This. Just so perfectly stated.

Smart that you figured it out within the mess. I was completely clueless he was a covert narcissist. All I knew is that he consistently treated me like shit, and spun things around on me when I confronted him. I ripped myself away from him cold turkey on the 29th May 2022. I was so hurt and confused because all I did was treat this person good and cater to them. 1 year, 11 months free and my life is so beautiful! I now have a partner who treats me with love, care and respect... Still can't believe I went through that insanity though....

@@fruitypopwhickle6806 That is amazing! What you did requires so much more than the average breakup. It’s painful and infuriating. You feel like you’re taking crazy pills! It took me a loooong time to figure it out. I was married to the first narcissist for 25 yrs., and I wasted 12 yrs. with the one after him. Gee, did I have a pattern, or what? I’m just glad that I ever did figure it out, because many never do. They were a lesson to be learned.

@@blakegillette839 ✨🦋✨

@@kmduarte2005 Kudos to you too!!! It really takes soooo much strength. More than the average person would ever know... It does hurt to waste so many years on these individuals, but the good news is that they are out of our lives forever!!!! I hope you find peace, healing, joy, laughter and love in abundance. We've suffered enough, now it's time to live and enjoy life.💐💕🌻🌷💕

🥳🎉💃🎉

Seriously don’t do that it will just reattract them to you. Instead let them know you’re working on yourself and that will scare them away.

So true, I shake my ass in the streets

@@DirkArnez 😂 you can do that too Dirk 😂

Definitely do. Many of them won't go the f*** away . Make sure to go no contact if they try to come back again.

Me too. Took me over a year to get to this mind lol

I hope so many people take your comment seriously. If more people were secure and didn’t entertain the behavior to begin with we wouldn’t have as many narcissistic people and the dismissive avoidants would have to get help and become secure.

This is where I am at the moment, my avoidant broke up with me for the second time and I put my foot down and said they would never be anything there more than friendship unless he sorted himself out. It has only been a week and he's already chasing but I will not do that again, I owe it to myself.

How can you know that they haven't changed?

agreed brother

That's pretty good!!

Avoidants move on to other relationships or distractions quickly. They only come back when the distraction doesn't work out.

@@charchar7897 I disagree. Why reinvent the wheel? They go back to what they know.

Flawlessly, brilliantly LOGICAL!

Actually the research shows homeostasis is thrown out when their attachment behavioural system engages - Their stomach roils, their heart rate increases, breathing is shallower, blood flow is redistributed away from the extremities…. They’re not fighting anything except to quite literally survive in those moments

If true, this would explain a whole lot about my ex’s behavior. She ended it abruptly six months ago and did so in a rather cold manner. She wanted no contact the entire time, but reached out 17 times for various reasons (e.g., the holidays, taking me to a medical appointment). Lots of push-pull and flirtatious behavior, followed immediately wanting no contact again. A week ago she told me that she wasn’t going to attend my baptism (we are both Christians and she is arguably even stronger than I am), but said she wouldn’t be there because “it is hard to see (me) in person.” When I look at her behavior at a higher level, it would seem to me that she indeed misses what we had, especially since she talked about how amazing of a man I was to her and how amazing our relationship was. She ended it due to some significant miscommunication issues on both of our ends, and she never felt special enough in our relationship. I’ve made significant changes in every aspect of my life over the past six months - physically, financially, spiritually, etc. I find myself thinking that the only reason she could find it hard to see me in person is because she knows that the messed up, she misses me, and she realizes that she’s not going to find what I offered her on online dating. The whole situation is just so sad. All she had to do was wait a few extra days where we could talk things through as partners, but she instead hit the nuke button and blew up 4 1/2 years.

I totally agree nobody in the psychology field should ever be encouraging people to try to get back with an ex especially such an unhealthy person. They should only be encouraging you to move on. There's a special place in hell for people who would encourage people back into such horrible mental abuse.

This👌 what he is doing here is enabling Codependency.

This is exactly what he discuses at the end of the video.

Omfgggggg

Maybe some, but they don't go back to all.

Makes a lot of sense

So true, exactly what I thought.

Yup again ..a narcissist

good luck not finding a broken person in this world. relationships take work.

You are chasing a fairytale that you created in your own mind or that they presented to you it was never real. It's like a ghost and you have to realize that it was never real and it never will be real.

Some actors and actresses are very, very good. Stop watching movies a while. Or watch some but don't get sucked in. See them as the charade they are. This is helpful when actors and actresses waltz back into your view.

Around the same age, and I’m just now learning about it, myself.

You’re probably kind and seem soft and safe, wolves love that

They see confidence and want a bit. Then suck the confidence and life right out of you. My question now is, how do you handle conflict. They dont. They run.

Same ,I'm in my mid 20s and dealt with avoidant ,also he was elder than me

The anxiety that comes with things going to well is just too much.

"how she did it" is a demonic spirit that she's channeling. get away from that stuff before it gets worse, turn to God

It’s real. We can all tap in but it takes practice and some are more intuitive than others

you deserve better for yourself - why do you subscribe to being a doormat - start asking yourself these questions

Lol u ARE the problem dude, it’s not them

Marry that person, but goddamn u don’t deserve them.

@paf9191 PLEASE get yourself some therapy! Surely you don't want to continue to hurt others and yourself like this???

@@repentjesusiscomingsoon1529 I have repented of it, and Jesus will help me to overcome. I am determined to not Continue this way.

​@@Seraphina93isn't that what he said? He has identified that the problem is his and he wants to get healthy. Read his answer again

This is one of those rare good comments on RU-vid. Well said, ty for sharing!

💜

Just reading your words gave me anxiety. You have a problem yourself, yet you see that she's not making progress? Does she think that you're making progress? I'm curious.

@@alouise3557stop being a such a da please😂

I went through 70 of such breakup cycles.

Maybe you make everything about yourself and she was sick and tired

@@jennathejew6245Projection much?

People are cruel

@@jennathejew6245maybe YOU should jenna

👏 👏

Which one of you broke it off?

@@alouise3557 she ghosted me out of nowhere. I really thought it was going good