@The Underground Man Yes. *Unfortunate yes.* However, you have either "grown" as a man or have withered away. You are on Jockos platform, so I'm assuming "growth." *Keep strong in the fight.*
@ The Underground Man Nope. That is a kick in the dick... But, you learn from that mistake, wear a cup next time, and therefore grow. The next one is inevitably better, because you know junk woman flags.
Roger that. Best break-up I ever had was divorcing my whore of an x-wife, who poisoned me (I died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital). Once I got out of that hell of a relationship, I was just happy to be alive and it felt like I dumped a rucksack full of stones off my back. I felt so free...
Dropped and cut out of her life after 2 years. Gentlemen, don’t lose faith in love. Love didn’t hurt you. Someone who didn’t know what love was hurt you.
Just had this happen to me. The truth is, me and her are still in love with each other. But I’ve come to realize that love also blinds, and there is more expected from a partner than simply love. Obviously you need love to form a relationship with someone, but many other factors to form a “partnership” with someone. I’m having to live with that fact now, that even though I loved her so deeply, our lives were too different to provide for a stable home in the future. So sometimes it is a case of someone not knowing what love is, but other times a breakup can be a case of not knowing what a true partnership is, and unfortunately I’m learning that lesson now. But it’s not all bad, I wouldn’t have learned this lesson had I not had to endure this storm.
My girl left me yesterday for another dude while I’m abroad on internship. Been listening to this on repeat the whole day. Love to all my brothers in pain ❤️
I fell in love a a toxic woman one time and I realized that if you spend long enough and try hard enough to get inside the mind of a crazy chick it will in fact make you crazy....don't ignore the red flags gentleman.
I'm in shock. Just goin through a breakup after 13 fuckin years!!!! Its 2:16 am, cant sleep. Floppin and tossin in bed. Jump on the phone and this was recommended. Unreal. Thank you Jocko!!! And Echo!
Hope you’re doing okay my friend. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me about 6 months ago. I was like you, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. It got so bad I was almost suicidal. But trust me, it gets better. It may not seem like it right now, but it does. Go and work out, use your pain and anger to push yourself. Make her jealous my brother. I believe in you!
Fernando Ordaz absolutely my man! We’re in this together! It’s taken me a long time to realise (I’m sure you’re the same) but you need to love yourself before you love a woman. Have a great week brother, go and smash it!
The dude she dumped me for pumped and dumped her. I bought a house 6 month's after that and she came back begging me to take her back. Told her she can come back in my life when hell freezes over. Life is beautiful now. Don't give up gents. Just work on yourself and only invest love in your children and God. Don't worship fake idols aka women. You will be alright.
Take this in: 'A woman's weapon is vindictiveness; a man's weapon is indifference." Women, for clear biological reasons, have to be completely ruthless about choosing their mates. There is no arguing with this. It is just nature. As the rejected male you have to accept that you must accept your fate. Once she has decided, that really is it. Pleading on your part will only make you even more pathetic in her eyes and reinforce her view that she made the right decision. So what to do? Answer: Match her in ruthlessness. No, surpass her in ruthlessness. Use the male weapon of indifference. OK, you will have to 'act' the part for a while. However, if you keep acting it and you will soon master the role. Don't look back; don't stalk her; she's gone... and move on. Just one word of warning. The moment the acting pays off and you have finally erased her from your conscious memory, one thing is sure to happen. She will call you or email you. She is just checking in on your supposed 'misery.' Ignore it and bin it. Now she is somebody else's nightmare. Pray for him.
Wow, i am not even in a relationship and haven't been for years but i absolutely feel what you've written here. This part: "Pleading on your part will only make you even more pathetic in her eyes and reinforce her view that she made the right decision." could not be more true. I am not exactly hating on myself for being who i am but i always end up being the guy that gets befriended by women. Am i too empathic? Do i have too much good in my heart? Do i miss the signs they give me? Am i not exciting enough? Am i approaching too fast/slow? I don't know what it is but i just try to be happy with the things i've got, what i have achieved in life and sooner or later my goals and dreams might catch someones attention and they like me for who i am. We are all sitting in the same boat, doesnt matter if we are rich, good looking, a doctor or student. Everyone's heart is broken atleast once in their life and it's good to know that we are not alone :)
@@FumaazHD Cheers. You write: "...but i just try to be happy with the things i've got, what i have achieved in life and sooner or later my goals and dreams might catch someones attention and they like me for who i am." Exactly so. If you don't value yourself, you can be sure that nobody else will. Forgive the tangent, but I am reminded of a conversations that women have but men never do. Or, at least, not from my experience. If you are along women long enough you will encounter a conversation in which they talk about "the one who got away." Have you ever heard a man say that?? I never have. Of course, "the one who got away" itself suggests that the woman baited the trap for the prey she wanted, and the man in question saw what was coming and bolted. The expression and the thought does tell you a great deal about the difference between the way men and women think about life and relationships, does it not. Looks like you have not been trapped yet.
I’ve been depressed for almost a year after she left me. I couldn’t believe someone who I dated for 5 years left me just like that and now doesn’t give a stuff about me. Listen and believe in Jocko, it gets better. I’m now working out 5 days a week improving myself. I know it’s hard to do, but cut contact and move on.
Art Vandelay agreed. On the surface my ex was lovely, sweet and attractive, but I now realise what a cold hearted woman she was. I spent thousands on her trying to make her happy and I even gave up my friends. I lost myself in the process. But I’m now a much stronger man and I am looking forward to the future.
The last thing my ex said to me was ‘I never loved you, I never found you attractive and that I had no friends and get a life.’ I’m using her nasty comments to better myself. Every time I’m in the gym when I’m close to giving up, I remind myself of these comments and it gives me motivation. I’ve always been skinny but I’m now bulking up, I can see the results already. It’s only a matter of time before she comes back, but when she does I can’t wait to tell her to f***k off. I’m in the final year of university studying aerospace engineering and I have a great job lined up after graduation. Things are looking great. Just would like a lovely woman, one who doesn’t want me for my money, but one who loves me for who I am. If there’s one tip I can give you my dudes, it’s to never invest all your energy into a woman!
Lmao, the crybaby losers in the comment section. Imposing their pathetic encounters and relationships with women. Bunch of Simps.😅😅😅 "The perfect guy or women for you doesn't exist" -Jocko Willink
same well not themoney side, mine made eternal commitments to me then just left me cold, she seemed sweet and lovely but she was just thinking about her self
Its really important that you don't jump from relationship to relationship. That's just a temporary bandaid. Its better to heal your issues and figure yourself out. DO NOT be a time bomb and blast someone's life to pieces like someone did to you.
@@ThatOneGuyWhatsHisName yeah we play hot potato with pain. I can't deal with my pain so I'll pass it onto you and make it your responsibility. But it's not an excuse. Let that end with us.
Saving typically results in you earning a lower return but with virtually no risk. In contrast, investing allows you the opportunity to earn a higher return, but you take on the risk of loss in order to do so. Not reaching a million before retirement feels like an unfulfilled retirement.
I've come to realize that the key to amassing wealth lies in making sound investments. I purchased my first home at the age of 21 for $87,000 and sold it for $197,000. My second home, acquired for $170,000, was later sold for $320,000, and my third property, purchased at $300,000, fetched $589,000, with buyers covering all closing costs and expenses..
This "you remember the memory of her" is way too real. I was stuck thinking "damn I lost a good one" then I talked to her and realized she was bad on so many levels that I was lucky to get out of that one. Jocko is spitting straight facts
Haha same here. Like I lost my “princess” when in reality she lied all the time, put herself in shady situations and would never in a million years take accountability. It still hurts to be alone but I’m going to create the best version of myself from this pain
@@lucashansen1776 Sorry to hear that bro but it’s definitely for the best. It hurts now but its going to feel amazing to level up. I am already in way better shape
Just got out of a 3 1/2 year relationship. Feels like she left at my lowest point. I was overweight, mental health was declining, and it was hard to work with my schedule. Hit the gym and lost forty pounds, bought a new car, and now moving cities. Still feel depressed though because of the pain she caused but I’m trying to move forward. Keep grinding gents💪🏽
See! There’s ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel, even when it feels like an impossibility. Glad you’re doing well, and it’s been a year since your comment so I hope you’re killing the game of life even more!
@@brodyfulford6096 Doing much better man. It’s been a little over a year and half since I broke up with her. I’m in a new relationship now, about to graduate college, and looking great! This new girl brings me nothing but peace. It’s something I’ve never felt before in a relationship.
Just got the call that it’s over two days ago. I knew it was coming though. End of a four year run. Been here before. No pain, no gain. To anyone else in the same shoes - time to level up.
Adrian1018 Oh trust me i will brother 💪🏻 but i appreciate you. I know you’ll be good too. I’m going through worse than you and there’s a million+ people going through worse than me. Life is too short not to enjoy 😉
Thank you for this video. I'm 26 years old, and I decided to break up with my girlfriend about 4 months ago after a 4-year relationship. There were many reasons, but the main trigger was that I turned down a very good job opportunity for her and then I really regretted it after realising that she didn't appreciate what I had done. Even though it was my decision, the last few months have been the toughest of my entire life. However, I'm convinced now that it was the right decision and that it's way better to have made it now than in 5 years time, since we don't have any attachments (no house together, no marriage, no kids), and there are a lot of possibilities opening up in front of me right now. So, if you're reading this and you find yourself in a similar situation, I just have 3 words for you: ROCK AND ROLL.
I did the same and trust me she didn’t give a shit ! Heartless women are gonna have their days don’t cha worry about it buddy ! Karma is a b**** Just turn yourself into a big bag of power and education and move on ! I broke up with a woman I fell in love with as fast as a year and we just broke up recently! I felt a lot for her and I really got damaged when I left her Bcz she was lying to me about things that doesn’t make any sense. The point is I have to just ignore every point where it leads me back to her or any memory ! I took off all her photos and every shit memory that was with her to just get over it! I even skipped gym for her to spend time with her which I have never did in my life ! Turn down an offer job a great one too and just regret it now a lot !! Never give your time of success to any woman ! Never give anything that is precious as your time to any woman out there unless she s your mom or sis !
One thing I can say. Falling in love is dangerous. It feels good when you’re in it but hurts like hell if they leave. Just think about that for a second... my goodness
"She's not what you built up of her in your mind". Well said, our perception and expectations of people and who they are often don't match. If she was what the guy hoped she would be, they'd likely be together. It's hard to move on when attached, but this advice really helps to do what's necessary
I agree in general with Jocko (and you) on that, but that's only in a situation where a girl you thought is "the one" walks out of your life all of sudden, or when we assume that the guy did nothing wrong. Of course there are plenty of situations like that. But the advice doesn't really apply when we are aware of the flaws of the girl we love(d), but it's our flaws mainly (or solely) that causes her to leave us. While in relationship we are thinking "wow, I'm so lucky to have someone like that to want to be with me". And then due to our innate stupidity we still do dumb shit we know we shouldn't do and/or she realizes eventually she could be with someone "better", someone who might be similar, but less flawed. Was her willingness to endure our flaws one of her positive traits? No, it's not a virtue, it's just our luck. So no, the advice doesn't apply when it's guy's fault that she left him. It's not "our imagined, perfect image of her" when we know she's not perfect, but we understand that she's still an amazing person, and after breakup we also realize she left mainly due to our fault. The rest of advice still applies, because what other option do you have? Wallow in your sadness and depression, make your close ones worry about you, stay in the past? You might as well keep moving forward while being sad, at least you can still help others, make your family and friends less worried, do something with the time you have in this world. The other option is not really an option.
Practical Inspiration And on the flip side, we, in those situations aren’t what they built of us in their mind either. But what’s messed up is with certain women there’s guys who were still great men but the woman placed too much into what she built in her dumb mind and now she’s second guessed it.
Don’t need “perfect”. Just Honesty and Loyalty. The reality I’ve learned over the years is that the vast majority of women line up your replacement long before she ends it. She breaks up with you months before you even know it, or even know there’s a problem. The lack of integrity and morals in most women these days is astounding.
I dunno if it’s just the ladies... Maybe people in general? My breakup about a month ago was largely due to that I accidentally found out he was literally researching how to cheat on me. Now he flips out anytime I go out and just hang with people but I most certainly didn’t plan ahead or look for a replacement. Nor am I trying to jump into something else quick. Just enjoying some freedom :)
This exactly what i found the past month, she was giving me blunt messages.... she never messaged me in the mornings like she used to and gave me messages like i was just a "friend" i kept wondering and even asked if she was "ok" and all i got in response was "yes" a month later she sent me a text saying she cant keep doing this and dumped me. she never wanted to meet me.
I came out of a 3 year relationship where my ex gf left + I had no money to my name + my best friend of 20 years decided to backstab me. I went to the gym straight for one whole year. It helped me not just physically but mentally as well. I always tell friends & family that if it wasn't for the gym that I would have probably ended up way worse. Hence why I tell people who are suffering from a break up or just life in general to always go out and exercise & focus on your health. A healthy lifestyle & a healthy mindset will pull you out of any darkness.
15 years and getting divorced. Been going crazy then god sends you guys and gals. Also sent jocko .I'm going to keep the faith I'm 45 years old and a cancer survivor.. god bless everyone and be safe.
Still separated and my wife has gone down a bad road for now . our anniversary was 3/30 we were going to spend time together and have dinner . well long story short she was drunk and got a DUI on the way to see me . I went and bailed her out showed her love . Sharon is a good woman . like all of us she is her own worst enemy. Thank you for asking about us and sending prayers . right now I just try and be upright and love people . day to day . yet again thanks for showing interest.
Shit man I’m 22 bad been through two shit breakups that took long to get over and looking back on both of them I don’t know why I was tripping for so long
(STORY TIME) Dealt with a break up 2 months ago and I put myself in a dark place. I've completely lost my way and I had no motivation to do anything. It was just work, sleep, over and over again. Pizza hut was my best friend. I thought of countless ways to try and get her back and right when I thought of the "best solution", my buddy of mine told me she was with someone else. BEST BELIEVE THAT KICKED MY ASS. But you know what? In the peak of all this emotional chaos, not 1 tear came down. Not one complaint came out of my mouth. I've realized this person does not care about me anymore like they use too and their is nothing I can do to change that. I got up and took my ass straight into the gym the same day. Been consistent since then and I'm currently prepping for a bodybuilding show. (Its been 2 years since i last completed) Ladies, fellas, just because 1 thing ends doesnt mean you stop. It's time for you to take back your life. It's time for you to realize the best moments of your life starts now. I've stayed away from social media to prep myself for this competition and I'm loving every second of it. People are asking me where I've been or what I'm doing but i answer vaguely. "Nothing". I'm keeping everybody guessing even her. BEST BELIEVE this comeback is gonna go down in MY BOOK for the rest of my life. This is for me and only me. Thank you Jocko and echo for putting me on the path. LETS GET AFTER IT!
i feel for the people going through this. I've been there. One thing i would say is hit the gym and get healthy. Don't forget to work on your soul too. Learn to be at peace with yourself and others. Learn to not be judgmental towards people and learn to love life. You can die any day, would you want to die with regrets/sadness?(hopefully thats a no). Forgive your ex, don't hate. Yes be disappointed but don't give hate space in your heart. Forgive and let go and keep walking onto better and beautiful things. Go for walks, meditate and love yourself. Understand that no one can validate you but you(cant stress this enough). If you want to cry, do it but don't stay there. Better yourself financially, physically and spiritually(in terms of your inner being and what not). Take this time to really self reflect and learn how to not be dependent on a partner for your happiness or your identity. The comeback will be stronger my beautiful people. Yall got this. And remember to be kind to people you meet for we are all fighting a battle out here. Much love
I got cheated on by my highschool sweetheart and fiance when I was overseas the first time. I was in the darkest hole I had ever been in at the time. Ultimately it took me looking at myself and convincing myself that it was her loss and not mine, I worked on myself alot more and realized that she just wasnt the one for me, and that there are plenty of fish in the sea for me. Now it still gets me down because I loved her more than anything, but all that taught me was to not create the fake perfect person in my mind the next time around. Then I found another girl who in many ways was better than my ex and when she cheated, I wasnt even that upset, I told her that it's over and that's that and I wish her the best. It took me a whole year to realize that I'm just young and I have my whole life ahead of me without this girl.
the girl who i thought was perfect & who i built up in my mind turned out to be kind of crazy. she did me a favor by breaking up with me. i met my now wife shortly there after. my wife just happens to have the same name of my exe. God has a funny sense of humor since i often prayed that "Mary would be the one" haha little did I know that 10 years & 3 babies later, that turned out to be true. It Will Get Better. Cry, Yell, rub one out, Get up, Get out. Go live your life.
Not sure how RU-vid knew I needed this video, but I'm so glad it was on my home page. This sister needed to hear all of this. I think it's time to get back to kickboxing and fully committing to my business again. What hit me hard was: "The person you built in your mind doesn't actually exist. The pain that we feel isn't based on reality; it's based on the fantasy, so you're feeling the pain of losing something that wasn't real. So let the fantasy go." And damn if that's not the fucking truth. Time to get back after it.
Was married 10 yrs to my highschool sweet heart, have two beautiful girls together. My Ex cheated and had another child, my girls and i haven't heard from her in years. Its hard at times but I got the absolute best parts of my marriage and moved on. My girls 12 and 8 are my best friends and we kick ass together, they both wrestle and we train our butts off in the gym. We use our misfortune as fuel, i choose to be very thankful instead of bitter. Jocko speaks the truth
Im very lucky, i had a choice and i made it. I was not the right man when it came to the job of raising two girls by myself but i have became that man lil by lil over the last 4 yrs. The hardest part is making excuses for my ex when my girls ask why she can spend time with her new baby girl but not them. My girls are heartbroken to not have a mother who is involved but they have been taught to beat the crap out of those feelings with hard work and dedication. The grass isn't always greener homie, i would much rather go through any kind of hell then to see my babies hurt so deeply.
Was married had 2 beautiful daughters with her and she left for someone else. For a while I felt like I was disposable...I still get waves of depression but climbing out of it
you very blessed. My childhood sweetheart, that i wanted the same things as you, (child/wife) well, after making love and us both wanting a child, we started not using the pill or condoms, she got pregnant, but she, decided to be selfish and have an abortion. There was zero I could do to stop it. I know if she did have my children, they would be my best friends, just like your family. Count your blessing, cause I always wonder, 20+ years later now, how things would be.
I was 17 days away from coming home from deployment, and this girl decided to pull the plug on me. I was devastated. I've watched this video every single day for the reminder of my thoughts being only thoughts. My original plan was to go home and continue my life with her. Then comes the heartbreak... and then comes the dangerous motovation of heartbreak... moves are made, and now I'm overseas making new and better choices and memories. The sadness will linger, but as jocko states, work on you and remember what it is to be you as a strong single man. You do not need someone in your life to live. You need you and your own love for you. Period.
Ex keeps messaging me and bothering me, won't let me go. She cheated and she won't leave me alone. Today instead of waking up crying I put ear buds in and shadow boxes and did some old muay thai drills I've learned for an hr. Now watching this feel great. I recommend working out for a lil then watching this. Thanks jocko and echo. My father died when I was 2 , so these kinds of people are my guidance.
@The Underground Man Calling names now? You must be a child. Listen, when you grow up to become a man you'll find that there are good feminine women out there that help men with their mission as a helpmate should. Of course, you must be a man first. One day maybe you'll grow to become one. Meanwhile, try your best to stop acting so feminine.
@@alantinoalantonio Yea be a "man" and waste your life on a woman instead of just chasing your dreams without a fucking bitch in your way. A "man" is a person who does whatever he wants, he doesnt just follow the societal norm of "oh I must get married, find a woman".... fuck off with your traditional BS little bitch.
Getting yourself distracted after a breakup is so important, after breakups in the past ive rediscovered myself. Sometimes i reflect on those things and remind myself to keep my individuality and continue to pursue my own interests while in a relationship. Its harder to keep up with hobbies because a relationship satisfies so much of your social needs and free time. remember to take yourself out, practice your shooting skills, your martial arts, your sewing, etc.
Developing an abundance mindset is the best thing i have done. I was in the same boat, got caught up in who i thought my ex was. In reality, she was a mean and toxic person and was holding me back with poor lifestyle choices, lack of ambition and bitterness. When you realise you cant change people, it becomes easier to just let go.
Chad I doubt Jocko would ever do a Nike commercial and support sweat shop, under paid, and or child labor made in countries with no or poor labor laws. Jocko has a strong passion for Made in the USA goods and his own company Origin. He talks about it in the Tulsi Gabbard podcast on JRE.
Yeah right. The same company that endorses Colin Kaepernick, a spoiled child of America’s wealth who refuses to honor its fallen by standing for the anthem, would dare to support Jocko, a SEAL who has built his reputation by making actual sacrifices for his country and who respects it immeasurably? Sure. I would hope that Jocko would spit in their faces if they ever approached him.
Yes, when we get ditched, then the person we loved did not exist. She may have pretended to be someone she wasn’t, and we believed the lie. We have to grieve the loss and not suppress it. If we only suppress it, it grows within us and gets worse, and is harsher each time it resurfaces. When we humbly admit that “I was lied to, and I bit the bait”, then grieve the loss, then we can move on. We become wiser. Thank you for covering this topic.
Remember your five steps to accepting a loss... 1. Denial 2. Bargaining 3. Anger/Rage 4. Sadness/Depression 5. Acceptance It's okay to stumble through them. That's normal, and they don't even always come "in the right order"... It's called "being human". There is no such thing as "the perfect one", because (quite simply) there is no perfect human. We're all trainwrecks in one fashion or another. We're all screwed up somewhere. SO... while you suffer through the loss, it's perfectly healthy and helpful to remember this. Remind yourself that the "fantasy" wasn't real... Wait until you're in at least a "decent mental space" and go back through the memories and face the truth. Analyze where sh*t started turning sideways, and arm yourself for future encounters. AND maybe, don't rush so hard to "get somebody" because it's really not worth the effort. Love, if it's going to work, should be gotten "organically". That means, give the time and patience to let the damn thing sprout... THEN work hard to cultivate it. If you ain't enough of a complete person on your lonesome, no relationship is going to "fix" you. ;o)
How can I grieve the loss? I want to accept the reality and move on. I want to move on, but it's been two weeks and I haven't shed a tear. I guess I'm a strong individual, and I am still pretty numb from the breakup especially after she went straight to rebound TWO DAYS after our breakup. I'm currently pretty damn broken as a human being, I legit have to reinvent myself and emotionally detach from that narcissistic, selfish, self- centered bitch that used the trust I had for her against me to break me.... And even though the pain is brutal, and I can feel it every day in my heart and my soul, I still haven't shed a tear. My guess? My essential grieving stage has not yet been reached. It's hard man....
I went through this before, work out and work on yourself. Show her that you’re better off without her. Improve your physique, improve your mental strength. Do squats, do dead lifts. When you see results, you’ll forget about her. Trust me. I became the sexiest guy on campus after a break up. This was from someone I slept with. After that I had the best senior year of my life. Good luck!
I know this video is directed towards men but as a woman who has just come out of a 10 year relationship and had someone treat her as if shes nothing, this has helped ♡ warrior mentality can be for women too so if any gals are watching - you got this xo
@@Rox2318 that could help you in relationships too. Seeing how the unconscious parts of others, usually fear, influence their lives. If you unconsciously feel inferior, you will consciously, but unconsciously seek superiority until it is brought to consciousness what one is doing to cope with reality.
@@funkywarrior3906 when you are weak, you seek power. The need for superiority itself, is weakness. Nothing wrong with training or anything, but it's best to let all of that "superiority" stuff go. Alot of it leads to pride and arrogance. Prove yourself superior if anything, but be humble about it. Not using your superiority in vain.
Yup. That got her to block me a few days later which shows she still thinks of me and made me laugh. deleted all social media and I feel great trying to not impress people. I don't want anyone looking at me through a picture frame.
26... a semester left in getting my masters... y'all are making me feel better about this single thing 😂 seems like everybody around me is happily/miserably paired up
35 and single no kids... Loving life.. Want kids and wife but patience is key.. Broke up 1.5 years ago and been thinking wanted her back.. This vid came at right time... She is in Walgreens I'm in parking lot waiting.. I'm dropping her off and minimizing contact and focusing within..
1:33 “The pain that we feel isn’t the reality, it’s based on the fantasy.” This actually left my mouth hung open for a bit. POOOF, epiphany, so much weight off my shoulders. I focused so much on what I wanted with him, because of how good our present was, I thought the future would be even brighter with him. I’m not mourning because I lost him, I’m mourning the idea and fairy tale of him.
This reminds me of the best advice I've ever heard from the tv show mad men " People tell you who they are, but we ignore it - because we want them to be who we want them to be". When I first heard this I didn't believe it, I thought I knew the people around me and my SO at the time. But What I didn't realize was that I wasn't listening to what people were saying, I was letting my emotions guide how and what I did for people. It took me a long time to swallow that pill and as a result I see how true it is. People tell you by actions and words who they are and the best way to decide who is in your life is to listen to them.
powerful stuff and so very true thank you. It brought me back to thinking about the beginning of the relationship and the red flags. I just ignored them. Now I'm paying a high price. This time with wisdom tho. 🙏
Holy shit man. You're exactly right jocko!! I got stuck on a chick because i only knew her as the fake sweet, caring person she pretended to be but she's literally been the most selfish mean person I've ever been involved with. And i was stuck on her, taking her back a few times and she always ended up the same. It's hard to realize who they really are so it's good to hear it like this
Been in the same situation. She always told me she cared for me and wanted to help. But when I was struggling or confused (had cancer), she didnt want to talk or want drama. And always acted like the victim in the situation.
Man, I am going through this 2 days now and I am hurting so bad. I appreciate you Jocko, and all the kind comments I am reading on here. 7 years together, we got together at a very unhealthy time in my life and we have been through a lot, but the last year has declined quickly, very unhealthy attitudes.
T hey man I know it’s been a while but life will get better. Just know it’s not unusual. My first love and I split and I was a train wreck for a year and some, made all kinds of bad plays and even stopped to trying to get her back. Let time do it’s thing and focus on creating a version of yourself that an even better girl will love. Cheerz
Don’t be a pussy. Yeah I know it sucks most people do. It was a walking back of flesh with a mind that wasn’t what you thought it was. Your old image of her isn’t who she is now. People change and it sucks but you can’t be depressed about it. It was a hard pill for me to swallow but it’s true, you need to know the only person you should really love is yourself because you’re with yourself till death obviously. Being a train wreck over a girl that’s probably forgotten you who isn’t the same person, it’s stupid. Don’t be a pussy and try and find new girls, not to fall in love with, but to get that empty feeling out a little. Go to the gym, run, do stuff that makes you happy and can kill that time that otherwise you’d be in bed thinking about it. A year of your life with chains on top of you... all you have to do is let go of it. Because there is nothing you get by bringing them past the finish line. It only makes it harder. Stay strong man and remember that it wasn’t as big as you thought.
20 year marriage ended 7 months ago. This is absolutely the TRUTH! Make the best individual in yourself as possible. Only you are responsible for your happiness. God bless!
I swear this is the first time in my life where I watched a video and felt instant relief. in the grand scheme of things none of this shit really matters.
Every breakup has made me MUCH STRONGER.... still love and miss my ex been near a year but I'm on a diff level now much better off than I was with her I don't regret it at all glad it happened.. went from ass credit to excellent credit... went from drinking and getting high daily to sober near a year and owning my own house
My partner for 10 years left me 2 weeks ago for another man. She told me a lot of things like, she doesn’t love me just like before and it totally wrecked me. Indeed, nothing will shock you more than the uncertainty and because I still loved her. I am completely clueless. I was so busy grinding for my career/ work and law school improving myself for our future. Not realizing she doesn’t love me anymore. I pity myself and I just can’t still accept up to this point.
Carlo Panesares I feel you bro I just lost my first love of a year because she wanted her ex. Fuck girls you’ve lived without her you’ll live now she’s gone. Fake your confidence and soon you’ll forget it’s just an act.
Dam bro...I know I'm a little late but this is the same thing that happened to me...after 10 years together she met someone else and told me she didn't love me anymore...been 3 weeks and im still trying to pick up the pieces. Feel so stupid now because I helped her buy a house that she is now selling because she said she needs the money....and I paid all the bills for a year and a half so she could go to nursing school. Then she dropped me like she didn't even know me. Im coming out of the hole but dam this shit hit like a ton of bricks.
LOOOOL exact same situation, my 10 rl ended 3 months ago (she was my first real gf me too for her, first sex for both), she said she love me but she hastn feelings anmore (fearful avoidant? borderline? Hypergamie... she was monkeybranching 2 weeks before )...i had to work in 2 shift system and created side hustles so that i can pay us a good life and for our marriage and kids..because of the workload i got a hidden burnout (i helped her emotionally and financially)...in that moment she left. but the point is if she would be the right person, she wouldnt have fear to be alone and read book, and support your business she wouldnt leave you...she would see the long term effect would be much better for her ...so she has a weak mindset and immature mindset
Note to the guy who wrote in: I'm a civilian, haven't been in the military, obviously haven't been on a deployment That being said, I've had girls dump me, I've had them dump me by text message, and voice mail So I understand that piece of the pain I worked with a Navy sub A-gang guy who told me this s*** is SUPER common returning from deployment - so you're not alone Remember, the way people treat us really speaks to themselves, and not us. And the fact that you're asking these questions from Jocko makes me think that your head is actually in the right place on this - "how do I adapt/cope/grow" vs. "poor me - I got screwed" All the same, it's a bite of the shit sandwich to go thru...
@@DrummerJacob using voice to text censors the s*** I say - but if I'm typing... that shit gets spelled out. Happy now? Or, you have some punctuation or grammatical issue you want to bring up, now? (shakes head...)
After 4 years my ex came out as a lesbian and destroyed me. Going out and socializing, hitting the gym and being with my family is the best way to get through this for me rn.
My ex-gf is also a lesbian, but, weirdly enough, it didn't destroy me. At all. I mean, if she left me for some dude, cheated on me with some dude - that would've been extremely painful. I would've felt betrayed and stabbed in the back. Depressed and suicidal. But since she left me for a girl, I was like 'hmmm ok, i also like anime with some hot girl-on-girl action, I get it, that's fine' 😂. Seriously. I didn't have any hard feelings about it. And we were together with that girl for 3 years, and I loved her, maybe I still do.
Today’s Valentine’s Day, I have been thinking of my ex like crazy. My brain can’t let go this 7 years relationship. I have no friends to help me go through the hard time. This video appeared to be what I really need right now. Thanks.
I am in a similar situation. I moved states and recently broke up with my girl so I’m dealing with this alone. It sucks not having a support group around to take your mind off things
I moved to another state for her, now 6 years later she has left and I'm in a town where I have no family, no Friends no one to at least give a hug to. It's really f up what that can do to your mental health.
its not 7 years down the drain. Its 7 years of solid experience. You are now 7 years maturer and now you know what you can look out for from your next relationship.
Like Jocko said “If you get out while there are no permanent legal bindings, consider yourself ahead of the curve.” Figure out what you did right and wrong.
I'm watching this as my gf just walked out on me on a vacation. Keep your head up whoever is going through it. Instead of drinking and sitting in the hotel room. I'm heading to the gym
Hey guys. It hurts. Big time. There are great girls out there. I found one. We have been married 33 years. My first wife has been married 3xs since me. Treat them like gold. They are a gift. Hold on. A great girl is just waiting for a great guy. It will happen.
My girlfriend and I broke up two days ago after our 6 month long intense relationship. It was mutual, but she couldn't handle commitment and we have been long distance for 2 months along with our own personal career goals. It still hurts a lot, but I stumbled upon this video and rewatch it every time these fantasy thoughts enter my mind. Being self aware is almost impossible after a breakup, but this video helps keep you on the right track to better yourself and you. It will get better with each day and although it may not seem like it, there are a lot of people that will support you through this difficult time.
What he said at 0:52 is so true. In your head you create this fantasy of her. It's just a concept in your mind, a fictional character, vaguely based on the real girl. To let go of this girl, I came up with a trick that worked great for me: I detached the fictional girl from the real girl, by treating them as two distinct entities. I had a nickname for her and now I reserved that nickname for the fictional girl, while the real girl was only called by her actual first name (all in my head). And so I can still have positive thoughts about this lovely fictional girl I fell in love with, without attaching myself any longer to the real girl. I let the real one go, but kept the fiction in my heart.
She left me for her ex twice. A year wasted just to be second best to some other guy, if anything this just made me question myself how I looked, my body. Took away all my confidence, it’s kinda sad how girls feel more validated and confident because of other boys over their own boyfriends.
Women are hot and cold. Understand that nature of women, become more intimate with that than you ever will be with any woman and it won't hurt you as much the next time it happens, hopefully never. Women can never be trusted on their words. Ever. I'm just letting you know now. Never ever put faith on their words, and believe only half of their actions. I promise you they can and will hurt you again if you let them. At the end of the day, you are the castle, build up your castle and someone who actually values it will hold onto it. But you must behave in such a way that attracts that kind of woman. Watch for the red flags, don't ignore them, set boundaries, and let go when you must let go. Hold onto what you must hold on to.
Focus on yourself, deal with the emotions as they come, and kick em out when they stay too long. Never loose sight of yourself-keep busy. Though it's simple with discipline it's not easy, Jocko is correct. Thank you for your podcast Jocko and Echo and thank you Echo for the question. It was a legit question-I was curious.
Needed this bad. Using my pain and heartache as motivation to become much better! The worst thing you can do is give up, you’ll get to a point where you rebuild your confidence and mindset, and it’ll attract someone better to your life. Something I thought about yesterday was “there’s billions of people on earth, why let one person destroy your life”. Just keep moving forward and don’t stop, I’m starting my journey now as well’
this hits home, my last break up she literally told me she was pretending to be someone she thought i wanted and obviously as time goes the real person is revealed
Breakups are tough man and can haunt you if messy. I'm happily married with a beautiful family, but a relationship that I ended 14 years ago still plagues me to this day. Had a whirlwind relationship with a girl I met in Ibiza, but she lived in England whearas I was in Ireland. We got on so well, and were back and forth to each other a lot over the course of 2 months, by which time I was completely flat broke which stressed me the hell out. Had no savings and missed multiple load payments. Worked a very low paying job, where I got a weekend off every 10 weeks or more so I convinced myself it couldn't work. It still seems crazy to this day that I let the previous issues change my opionion on the relationship and that I was able to switch my brain into a dark mode where I was willing so say whatever shit to end it, as I knew she would desperately try to twist my arm to keep going. Both of us were confused by what I was saying as it was pretty harsh and I made the relationship out to be nothing when we got on so well. Needless to say it was a terrible decision and we never spoke again. She was the sweetest person and I wanted to make it up to her, but was so immature and ashamed by what I'd done, I couldn't bring myself to contact her as much as I wanted to. This breakup deeply affected me for years as I'd never broken up with someone I still had feelings for and I believe it aided me going into a depressed state a couple of years later, before I met my future wife and things turned around. I still find it hard to believe that I let a job I hated and little bit of financial difficulty ruin what could of been an amazing relationship. Oh how I'd wished I knew at least one person at the time who could of spun a positive light on it so I would of packed my bags and moved off to england. Maybe it still wouldn't have worked out but it would have been worth the risk. Even to this day I'd love to apoligise to her and heard anthony robbins say in one of his seminars recently that you should do it, so maybe I will one day.
I’ve learned that pushing emotions to the side isn’t the way to go, you have to feel them and assess what’s going on inside and take control of it, feel your emotions but don’t lose yourself
2:12 - getting distracted with productive things, is always the way, as mensioned by Alan Watts! 2:59 no person is perfect 4:05 anger towards the past ain't something too bad 4:39 everybody faces this ex-girl/ex-guy problem 6:00 the young-seal-jocko response towards break ups 6:35 fall or rise 9:00 the parent-jocko response towards break ups PS: This was probably one of the best, funniest, and most honest relationship videos I've seen. Lol, maybe have 1 podcast episode about marriage & relationships from Jocko's perspective
It's the second time I am dealing with breakups, and I am hearing this again, knowing exactly what Jock is going to say, but it feels good... Just needed to hear this again. Thanks, Jocko.
Going through it at the age of 3x is hard. Been broken when I was young but when you are about to settle and gets broken again, just don't know what to do anymore.
