Thought the Garg family household was founded on brutal honesty? Think again! Apple: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Spotify: podcasters.spotify.com/pod/sh...
Even my children don't want to go on vacations, because my home is like a vacation spot where they r happy doing stuff they like such as playing video games, or badminton or watching movies , going to the fitness classes and the keyboard classes and eating my homecooked delicacies...Kids just love that parents listen to them without judging them....They hate when we compare them with others and just want us to love them for who they are...but it is our responsibility to make them understand how the world works and that can be tricky....
I love your family. Y'all are amazing. I grew up with abusive parents in every way. We never had good holidays, birthdays, and vacations meant going to stay at grandparents house and paternal grandmother hated us. Your children are so mature for their age. Your daughter is so amazing. Happiness is something I've never experienced and a topic I speak of constantly with therapist. What is true happiness?
Honestly, Zoya was the MOST sensible speaker here. She is supremely smart, empathetic, practical and a really good person. Her opinions align with what's needed for the world rather than what the world expects. Kudos to Zarna for this.
I think Brij wanted empathy and understanding for what his "failure" meant to him. Sometimes, we, as parents or people in general, want our child or loved one to feel better so we try so hard to point out why they shouldn't be sad. This family is so brave to have these conversations with all of us! Love all of you for sharing!
This is EXACTLY what my family discussions sound like!! We're just dumb to not film it and make some money out of it *fml* Also, Zoya, I hear you. The struggles of being the eldest female child is just so apparent. Dear desi parents, pls listen to her. She's giving you the real picture about your family. Truly.
Zoya is vey smart and intelligent. She is very articulate and I believe her father needs to learn how to respect his daughter. Don’t dismiss her all the time.
Zoya is such an intelligent girl.. When she said failure is being disrespectful to the ones you care about or it is when you don't care about the exams... Not when you couldn't crack the exam.. She was thinking on a higher level... They all are raised well.. Not passing an exam is just a set back not a failure..
Dad dismissing daughter at many instances is honestly heartbreaking to see. Not able understand others point of view is one thing but dismissing or devaluing ones point of you is disrespectful. I wish that part changed in this family.
I think the only time he dismissed his daughter and wife was with that Godfather comment. I am a woman and find Godfather iconic as well, but that dialogue has no place in our world of today. Women can't be careless either.
True, the way he was trying to shut her up was very painful to watch.. Seems like he favours his sons over his amazing daughter 💔 Or maybe he's not articulate enough to explain his viewpoint. I hope it's the latter. After all, we only see a small part of their life.
He is literally trying to just support his son (who feels extremely unsupported) and say that his point of view is valid too... All Brij was saying is that it does not matter what you guys say... There's nothing the family could have done to make him feel supported. Everyone was taking it personally - very very frankly, I would have too. But all his dad was trying to point out is that "For Brij, he's saying this is a learning he needed to get to on his own. Others trying to 'make him feel better' was making him feel like they were lying (which they really weren't) and unsupported". He was not dismissing his daughter. He gets where his son is coming from.
I am a parent, an older Indian parent, and I still agree with Zoya. There is an unacknowledged pressure you, Zarna, and Shalabh is putting on your children in different ways. Zarna you are overprotective and Brij is right, he needed space then to process his own emotions about the high school. However Shalabh surprised me with his old archaic Godfather stuff - it’s funny - but … he is inadvertently putting pressure on Brij by kind of insinuating that not getting in the high school of choice was a failure. It definitely was not. Your children may not know adult responsibility yet bc they are children but they definitely are not failures. Look at how beautifully they express themselves. And what Shalabh does not realize he in unconsciously dismissing your daughter - several times. Dad - go super slow please! Your daughter is very strong and very smart but some of this hurts. Women are not careless as that Goddamn Godfather said women are fragile. Please listen to your daughter more. She is super smart and on target about what needs to change about typical Indian immigrant parent mentality. Your one liner are hilarious, Shalabh but, they are conversation stoppers. I know you are not misogynist but I was laughing when Zoya said you are getting parent advice from Godfatger?? Lol 😂 . I am so happy you are all doing this as a family. More power to you!!! You are showing so much reality about any immigrant parent. Trust me we all have these situations in our families. You are making them laugh but you are also teaching them a lot by being so vulnerable yourself.seriously, More power to you !!!
@@kirstieb8025 Zarna is actually showing a LOT of impressive growth here. She hears what her kids are saying, and when it stings she tries to soothe it with a joke (a very natural reaction that a LOT of people have to difficult conversations). However, the most impressive thing is that she is catching herself doing it and then refocusing on what her kids are trying to say.
Omg u said my thoughts exactly, only a little subtle than i would on Shalabh. Zarna, i immediately felt that many struggles you would have put through with Shalabh in validating your kids as they were growing up. You did a great job!! And papa, mellow down please, force make a space in your heart to take advice from your daughter, a profound soul!! Sorry to say, every now n then, Shalabh projected his typical Indian alpha male ego.
So very proud of Zoya. As an older sister myself I totally understand how she sees beyond the work life, family life and personal life and prioritises things like happiness and wellness that actually determines our overall wellbeing. I think the most simple way to put it is that Zoya has stopped prioritising what would be the basics and has begun exploring into more. To Shalab Uncle, I’d just like to say I’m sure you don’t mean it but you can kind of see throughout the episode that you tend to dismiss Zoya oftentimes probably because you can’t relate to her. I know it’s probably something you can’t control but please do try because Zoya is one in a million. To Brij and Veer, Support your sister more actively. I don’t know if you see it but your sister puts in a lot of effort for you guys to be seen so support her more actively simply because she should be supported. To Zarna Auntie, You remind me of my mom. You’re willingness to learn from your children is very appreciated. My mom is my best friend but she wasn’t 3 years ago. What changed was that she began to listen to me and understand me and take advice from me. She began relying on me to hold the family together when she couldn’t. I have a feeling you and Zoya share that kind of bond. Lots of love and power to your family.
I'd say that too! Her husband needs to be little more understanding, first trying to side with the kids saying the the mother smothers and then literally giving out the very bad advice that women and kids can relax but men can't, that's toxic masculinity and justifying this via an OLD generation movie quote, it's all just too much to watch. The elder son is getting a lot of that from him too, if you really feel that you had a failure and don't want to take it easy, so don't! Get focused on the next goal, your father is not giving you the pep talk you need after the failure, which is life is marathon and not a sprint, learning the right lesson is important during or after any tough time, turn this failure into your next win and to do this, you don't have to take your family's support for granted, or diss their efforts which looks like are more of your mother's and your elder sister's efforts. Just thank them for their good words and well wishes and focus on the next win, don't whine that they're the one in the wrong and they're lying or whatever.
Huge respect for Zoya. The fact that the parents don't want to talk about happiness and don't want to listen to her viewpoint and that she is criticized by saying that she is hanging out with the wrong people. Such a sad day for Zoya and her siblings.
Ok Zoya just gave me the biggest laugh after Brij goes “you were all unsupportive”. Zoya is so offended. i get it. Zoya is actually offering the family real love & support but they are not familiar with it, so it goes under everybody’s radar.
I don't think the dad (or anyone) acknowledged Zoya properly at 17:00 when she asked- whether she would be considered a 'failure' for not getting into her choice of school by 1 point and he said yes. As a family, she wants to not let that define success or failure and focus more on the effort that someone puts in. The dad seems to be taking Bridge's side (sorry for the spelling) just because he's a 'guy' and according to 'Godfather' - "men are supposed to take things more seriously". That would be really discouraging for me if I were Zoya..
I agree. Zoya and Zarna really made sense here. Both of them are very high in EQ. So sorted and so clear about life. Zoya is definitely going to make it big in life! This incident really left me with a sour taste.
I just came to say, I LOVED this video. The whole talk between Shalabh and Brij on handling failure, and even how much of a disconnect it was for Zarna and Zoya was so insightful - it made me realise, this is exactly what happens between my husband and me. When he's facing a setback, and I am reassuring him, I am expressing support in my love language, but he feels annoyed because he thinks I am lying, because for him, he needs to deal with it himself. This is so instructional, thank you!
The DAD was spot on when he talked about shouldering responsibility and that this conversation would be a luxury when that happens. He came out as a practical person rather than emotional. Lovely family. Nice that the kids think the American way! May you guys have all the happiness in the world.
This conversation about testing pressures and getting in the “right” high school in NYC is so real and so big. This has a lot to do with growth mindset and the fact that we are all feel differently. As a 6-12 NYC school counselor this is a great conversation.
As someone who grew up in NYC and was subject to all these standardized tests to get into these schools, the anxiety that I felt is also palpable in the Gary children. I wish there was a better path to educate our children without all of this pressure and anxiety.
This conversation was so beautiful and moving that I am sobbing watching you all being open, honest, loving, and accepting of each other's thoughts and opinions. Thank you, Zarna! ❤
I think Brij will see that the life is greater and much much bigger than standardised tests or getting into a high school. Plus, everything in life is a battle we have to get through on our own. Nobody at any time can say anything that makes the pain go away, any kind of pain. But you will always need somebody to validate you when you are low and down on life.
“I just don’t have any space in my life to get that advice from you”…that was so harsh and hurtful to hear from a dad to his daughter. That said, Zarna you have a very special family, the kids have a level of maturity, empathy and self sufficiency that are truly admirable. Thanks for sharing these talks, very insightful. Love to you all. Zoya is a star. And dad is a good guy, just maybe needs to consider a softer touch sometimes. 💕
Exactly. Zoya wasnt trying to give him advice. His "CARELESS" interpretation didnt realize Zoyas point was to try to bring out her dads happy moments and that way she can learn too.
Zoya is really empathetic and has a certain maturity and modernity to the way she think and explains herself while Brij is very logical and a little insensitive yet he always has a point way to put forward his point. I can literally see Brij as a great husband who thinks stuff logically and doesn’t panic and deals with stuff maturely
Amazing conversation!!! I am amazed to hear this whole new perspectives from the teens!! Especially, the point which Brij made....it's your battle and you have to deal with it!! Love the ways these teens / kids have been vocal about their emotions!! ❤
This family conversation gave me some real parenting cues. Family conversations are a tough fact to imagine and pull off, but a need to stay happy and content. Wish I am able to converse as beautifully as you.
Thank you guys!! Its such an eye opening show for me. I’m a parent for 10 yr old boy. We do have similar conversations frequently. But to have a peek into a family with older teen kids and their view points is amazing. Thank you all for being brutally honest and vulnerable. The kids are amazing 😍😍
I wish I could go and give a hug to Zoya! There is no way an Indian kid is winning any argument with their parents, even though it involves a fresh perspective.
These conversations are so important! Regradless of personal opinions of each of the kids/parents, the fact that you can have these conversations is better than 90% of families❤
The kids will appreciate the vacations when they get older. Right now, video games and friends are the priority. Regardless of what you decide, spend together and keep talking. You all are doing a great job.
Absolutely Love the honest Conversations!!! Keep Making more episodes. And for everyone, it is very hard for immigrant parents to raise children who were born and raised here. Everyone is learning on the go, parenting is HARD. It takes a lot of courage to put out your family on a public forum. The kids are so supportive and participating.
😊so true my kids born in 🇨🇦and me from 🇿🇦we don't share the same values it's very tricky ....so much eyerolling when I bring up hardships from Africa they can't relate to I had to back off talking about what I went thru too much
"Smothers"/"Smuckers" same thing! Lol. Since discovering Zarna and her family, I cannot get enough. Combines wisdom with humor. The best way to learn most things. 😂
@25:10 hearing Brij say those words brought tears to my eyes! You guys have done a great job at raising these three beautiful smart and kind human beings and that will always be your greatest success, Zarna and Shalabh! May God bless this family!! ❤️🤗 Love from Boston!!
These conversations remind me so much how my parents, (mainly German and Italian) spoke to us children, it is beautiful seeing this happen today. I am so impressed, and grateful for these videos.
❤ I'm a grammar and my daughter said she remembers the times I would read to her and her sister, walks, and how we would dance all together ❤ made me feel happy to hear that. As parents we want the very best for our kids, I love being around my daughter and grandkids ...
I love that everyone in this family can have their own perspective and be real about their own feelings. The depth of understanding people’s experiences is not a one way street. Love u guys! Kudos to the older son for standing strong on how he feels base on his experience and understanding there are some things that the self have to go thru. Self awareness and intuition is a strong trait. He has it.
Loved the realness and authenticity of this conversation, and the vulnerability displayed by all. Zoya advocates for happiness and wellness, which is being discussed and prioritised more in society. As this discussion unfolded, I think the family raised important points that piece together and point to two key things 1) values AND 2) basic needs: basic needs (a financial base, roof over ones head, ability to put food on the table, take care of oneself, be educated), make a valuable contribution to society through whatever pursuit interests, while developing healthy relationships that gives a sense of connectedness, all drive positive mental health. The point too is that this all comes with a sense of repsonsibility no matter one's age, though that may look very different for a 20 year and a parent. Also what I got from this is that just because one experiences a level of stress, that may not necessarily mean they are unhappy with their pursuit. Stress is a normal physiological response, and understanding the stress and managing it is part of wellness. I also appreicated what Brij brought up......processing in his way his perceived "failure". It raised an important point of communicating to our loved ones, team mates, friends etc. how we wish to be supported, and also the need for him to process his emotions, reflect and self evaluate on what he did well in his preparation and what lessons can be learned to take forward in his future growth. Shalabh does seem to be a parent who has been influenced by norms of a patriarchal philosophy, and how beautiful that he has the strength of women and sons around him to challenge this thought, and support his growth in alternative ways of thinking. What I certianly got from this was conversation, debate, critical thinking are engaged in and wrestled with, sometimes with difficulty and discomfort in family dynamics. Thank-you for sharing with us.
Congratulations on a great second family podcast. I am highly impressed with your beautiful, cohesive, and honest family! I have a renewed hope for the US if you influence your audience and they pass along your insights. Amazing parents and three astonishingly bright and self reflective children-BRAVO. I hope everyone of many generations and backgrounds come together to hear you. I am a 61 yo executive without children and I love your topics and hope everyone listens! ❤🎉😊
Your husband needs to stop cutting of Zoya. That’s NOT RIGHT. Zoya is right on track. She talks sense. But your husband boy, he needs to go home and listen to himself. Pls tell him to listen to Zoya and stop cutting her off. He quietly listens to brij😂but not Zoya. When she asked dad what makes you happy? Omg his answer!! The way he just was cutting her off and then says he doesn’t want advice from her. I really have lost all respect for this man. What message is he trying to put forward??? Disappointed in him totally. Btw why are there pineapples 🍍 under the table ? 😊😂
This was so beautiful Zarna! Coming from a Middle Eastern family, I find it very difficult to have conversations like this with the people I love most. However, watching these past two episodes but especially this one gives me hope that we can be open like this if we work together! Happiness and its role in our lives is such an interesting topic specifically among parents and children who grew up so differently. It's something I constantly think about and feel immense stress over when thinking about what my priorities are/should be as a child of immigrants. It would be lovely to hear more about that, as well as what you and Shalabh imagined for your lives when you came to America. Thank you to you and your family for opening your hearts to us and I look forward to everything you have coming up 🧡
Zarna and family, I always felt excitement as a child when our family traveled from Arizona to Mexico every spring or summer to visit our relatives. They were so nice and loving to us when we arrived and i enjoyed spending time with them.
For me the most precious moments are after any arguments when my family solves it, gets emotional about how we re one unit and we stand together. I ve felt most connected to my family in these moments. And also when they celebrate my highs n support me phenomenally in my lows. Cudnt be more grateful❤
This episode throws light onto all the different experiences of genders within a family, beyond individual perceptions and opinions. It’s real. I agree with all of you about happiness, from oldest to youngest. Dad 💯. Mom 💯, daughter 💯, son 💯, youngest 💯. As a parent it’s an uneasy journey with no predictable destination. Some have an easier time and others struggle terribly. To recognize and acknowledge the struggles matter the most. Good job family!
We had shifted to a new city and I went to the market with my Dad. I saw a lego set and I asked my Dad if I could have it. He asked the price of that set and told me that I need to wait for some months. I sulked and sulked for days. After about two months one day he gave me a better lego set. I was so happy that day. I got to know many years later the tough time my parents were going through then as we had taken a new house in Delhi and because of its EMI and frequent travels to hometown to attend to my Grand father, our financial condition was not that good. This episode brought back all the lovely memories of my childhood. Thank you.
I totally understand what Brij is saying , sometimes parents try to be so strong for you that they don’t see that you are hurting when you fail at something. Parents want you to feel better so they try to make it feel like it doesn’t matter and there are other options. But at that moment when you are disappointed all you need for your family to be real and just say I understand it sucks but let’s gets real with our options, it’s a new day let try again and if you are not doing well take your time and we’re here for you. Eventually as Children we’ll get over it at some point.
I agree with zoya on pursuing happiness. When we live in a world surrounded by tradgedy and stress, I think it is crucial to at least try to do things that make you happy. Get your hair done, buy a video game, get a tattoo. Who cares if it costs some money and takes some time out of your day. There is not point in life or your career if you are not happy.
Wow! I just discovered this podcast and stopped watching Netflix and Hulu! Thank you to you for these authentic conversations! I am an immigrant parent and so much in your discussions resonated with me. Keep these conversations coming! ❤️ P.S: I loved listening to you all, but Zoya is my favorite.
Loved it! It's so great to see how self-aware, confident, and mature these teenage kids are, and how clearly they are able to articulate what they are thinking and feeling! I hope my now one-year-old grows up to be like Zoya, Brij, and Veer. Also, I am so inspired by the idea of "walk with family" that I plan to start the tradition with my own family as soon as possible. Thanks for making these conversations public, Zarna!
Wow!! The searing honesty. What a great family. My only comment is: Who defines 'success' / 'failure'? Darn society or community. Somewhere in our value system, we learn what works for us in an environment of unconditional love - and we keep trying to do our best for our children. Thanks much, Zarna - you DO rock.
my observations :- Dad - knows the reality of the world doesn't believes in everything will be good somehow he beleives in karma and understands the difference in how the boys and girls are going to be judged in the world mom - very caring motherly she too knows the reality and knows the difference between boys and girls but also has the ultimate mother responsibility hence sometimes she keeps back the reality to offer the motherly care to children daughter - she believes everything will be alright by itself isn't a lie which shows she still lives in a fairytale environment hasn't been pushed out of the comfort zone into the outer world of reality and responsibilities elder son - knows what is good and bad for him understands where the family comes from and understands how he needs to deal whith the failures on his own younger son - he is mature for his age but still some signs of childishness which is good he is enjoying his childhood and learning to take new responsibilities overall a nice healthy family destined to live a satisfied and happy life happy independence day
I dont know what to say the way you raised them or the way they grewup they are the best kids that i have seen so far so wise so mature so thoughtful oh my god bless you guys bless all of you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Great episode! Brij seemed to want failure acknowledged as much as success. He is a highly motivated individual and that particular failure hit him hard. I can relate to that. I would say its important to acknowledge the lows as much as the highs, and learning to deal with the lows is equally important as celebrating success. It's a life skill actually. There's a Japanese saying - Fall down seven times, stand up eight. Its not the number of times we fall that matters, its the number of times we stand up! Nice touch with the pineapples!
Yes, I think supporting him would have actually meant to acknowledge that it was a failure and hurt. It sucks to not get into that school. And saying it doesn`t matter doesn`t help him, you have to acknowledge the pain. This "everything is fine anyways" wants you to supress your negative feelings.
Hi Zarna, I’m a new mom to twin 10 month old boys from Indian family. My husband and I watched this and thoroughly enjoyed it ….. your kids are so self aware and intelligent and we aspire to be as good of parents as you guys are.
My daughter, now 22, has said the same things. She remembers us giving her attention and what I thought of as little things are some of her favorite childhood memories.
So much to learn in this family discussion, I have a 2.8 year old and 1.3 years old, both r US born boys. I think it’s a great discussion which I can understand when kids grown up and we would have to deal with different situations in future , it helps
Zarna ma'am you literally have the curiosity of every mother of knowing that was she really a good mother or not? Being a new mother and a working one I always feel the same...but these episodes--- oh my god! Are really helping me a lot a lot......thank you so much....your children are well raised by you...kudos..much love❤
Thank you Zarna and family I love these discussions. I am an immigrant from Europe and relate with these topics and better understand my son’s perspective after this conversation.
Materialistic things and expensive vacations are nice but I agree that family time is more memorable. When I was young I used to hate doing anything that didn't involve my friends but growing up I'm grateful for those memories. ❤
Zarna, Love this to the core! It’s liberating to see the maturity of your kids at such a young age. Keep up this Amazing journey of yours.🙏👏 Hubby with the Godfather quote ?!? I can’t…. He’s hilarious 🤣
Very relevant issues. Talking it out helps in understanding each other. Looking fwd to more shows like this. I loved the comfort level you share in voicing your opinions. You are an example of a normal family.
What beautiful and intelligent and eloquent children you have! They are lucky to have you as their parents! We are about to go on a family holiday to Manhattan and I’m wishing we had just decided to stay home instead 😅
The greatest parenting gift I received from my single mom was definitely the quality time we spent. Going for walks together, going to TJMaxx, watching movies and eating together. Everything else is too stressful and too much work for everyone. People can feel when someone is stressed :)
I really enjoyed this conversation. Your eldest son and husband were on point without using so much emotion. This is a great example of how men and women communicate and process.
Zarna, I think you were extremely supportive to Brij when he didn't get to the school he wanted. Listening to this conversation, I feel Brij is perhaps not entirely able to understand what being supported means. But he will do that eventually and appreciate the love and support you provided him at that moment. ❤
What a productive discussion it is. Being a mother myself i completely understand on your point, we simply cant leave when someone is low. But as a person who was in the same shoe as brij when i was in college and didn’t get placed in the company i wanted. He is right too, no matter what the world says, you just have to overcome by yourself.
