Theo Von - Greyhound Bus Tales 

Not even twenty seconds in and I'm already belly laughing about a kid being called Ravis instead of Travis

"Even his knee caps are in rival gangs, probably walks all bow legged cuz they cant get along" Wtf, Theo I love you bro

I used to take the greyhound from Houston to DC. It was like 45 hour ride. I did that like 15 times round trip. One time, it was like 3 AM, I was asleep. Then all of a sudden, a woman started yelling at the bus driver "wake up, wake up, wake up". I woke up, and looked around. Then like 10 people started yelling wake up to the bus driver. I started to prepare to die. Then like a minute later, the large black woman bus driver turned the lights on and said "I was awake". I have no idea if she was awake or not, but it's the scariest moment of my life.

"i might be metaphorically dyslexic" lmfao

"I've ridden on like 108 hounds and 108 times it's been a black hearty man or a black hearty woman."

"So you hit the pipe anyway bruh" lmao

When they put you in the game, sometimes you gotta dribble the ball

"I thought he was talking about weed, so I hit the pipe." 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

“If they put you in the game sometimes you gotta dribble the ball”, this dude is hilarious

I've found that the GH station is more dangerous that the actual bus ride

"ROAD TRAIN" lmao

“i have a family member that smoked some meth one time and went rock climbing, and actually ending up climbing to a nude colony” What the fuck LMAO

His knees are probably in rival gangs LMFAO

Rode hounds all through AL from 2007 to 2011, can confirm all drivers dark and hearty.

Ravis would be badass name. Feels like a Sith Lord.

I feel like to fully be a man you had to have take a greyhound at least once.

LOL someone smoked meth, climbed a mountain, found a nudist colony then had lunch with them😂

"if you play the im too good for this, i'm better than this, i can't relate- thats when shit gets weird" That's 100% real.

" you hit the pipe anyway" LOL yep thats how it goes

"I might be metaphorically dyslexic." hahahahaaahhaha

I ride an off-brand busline called Tufesa because to me Greyhound is actually too expensive, I ride it pretty regularly between Los Angeles, CA and Las Vegas, NV. What I see is a lot is migrant workers, poor people, people who just got out of jail, people who are obviously running from the law, and border hoppers going farther up north. Sometimes ICE pops up and checks for ID, I always get carded cause I'm Mexican. Theo Von is obviously telling the truth in his stories, I'm a huge fan of the honesty and the authenticity! I would split a plum with him any day!

Theo, get on that Patreon shit bro. WTF is the holdup. You got me dying laughing on my woodshop floor every Monday. I want to donate to the "Von Cause" so I can get 2 episodes a week. Come on bro. Hook that shit up. I got a happy 'Donate' button trigger finger and its gettin a little depressed. Bring it!!

Dude on the phone faaaded

god damn I love your style. "that's his story on a bus. navigating the nation's roadways on a bus, via auto bus."

Road train 😂 Theo you are quickly becoming one of my favorite comedians

Them Sugar Boys... Lmaooo

I've ridden a greyhound a few times, it sucks but its cheap as hell! Lotta weirdos on greyhound busses. I once had this guy sit there and talk to me about prostitutes for like 2 hours straight. I was like 16 years old lol

"I kissed a young black gal-an African American woman on a train one time-on a bus one time-a road train" 😂

When Theo is listening real hard, he looks like the most serious reporter ever

2016 colorado springs; dude jumps off a neighboring building as i was boarding. the image still rents a place in my mind

Not tryin to be racist, just statistically actuate! Up here in Canada, a man cut another mans head clean off on the bus. Ride at your own risk!

If Theo was a rapper he'd be the baddest freestyle AND battle rapper in the game.

"A bandana on each kneecap, his knees are in rival gangs … that’s why he walks all bow legged cause his knees don’t get along!" 😂 "I might be metaphorically dyslexic!" 😂

I have a half-brother and his dad's name is Raymond. And Raymond liked Elvis. He named his other son A combination of Raymond & Elvis. Named him Ravis. He hit him with that combo name.

I think everyone who’s rode the dog can say, you haven’t lived till you ride the dog

It’s OK to be statistically accurate.

Man, you are the Story King. I love it.

THEO!!! I LOVE YOU MAN, you are sooo funny, and always have amazing delivery! Someone who could say something not funny but make it funny just because the way you deliver it!

Theo- You are one prolific storyteller. It's like we're there on that bus or wherever, through your eyes. I tried to write about my experience but it's better when I tell people in person.

Theo, you are my new favourite person in the world.

I had a guy with no arms ask me if I could light his crack pipe for him in a greyhound restroom one time.

"They put you in the game you gotta dribble the ball" lmfao.... 🤣🤣🤣

"I might be metaphorically dyslexic. I don't know" Genius.

Definitely need more than one episode a week.

I love Theo he us such a free spirit.

Theo dropping gems

Hey T. New fan here. Awesome material. Clean and sober....amen. The only way after years of driving down the wrong way.

Thanks for keeping it savvy

My favorite thing about Theo is that you can read the comment section BEFORE the video and read the jokes and still not spoil a thing!

7:27 "He prolly walk all bow-legged cuz his knees can't get along" lmfaoooo

🤣 "I think they need to pull that Greyhound bus into where they produce Forensic Files and we'd solve about ½ the countries crimes."

So true about your bus description. What a trip. I have so many similar stories. Like a while different world your trying to survive, while not getting robbed, conned or stalked out by some homeless dude on his way back home after 20 years of living on the streets that you were polite too out of common courtesy. Lesson learned: Don't be too friendly on the bus if you don't want a stalker. Homeless stalkers have far mare time then one with a home or family. Hahah

You are hilarious Theo !!!! I'm listening to this laughing my ass off !!! Thanks for giving me a great laugh 👍👍👍 .

I spent 7 days on the greyhound going from Idaho to Tennessee. We got snowed in at a Bus stop in Billings Montana. We were there for 3 days sleeping in the bus station during a blizzard. It felt like homelessness. On the 3rd day we got to leave and made it 350 miles all the way into South Dakota. The bus driver got stuck so we missed the next bus and had to go all the back to Billings Montana 350 miles the other way. On the 4th day we finally got to leave. I made many friends along the way and there wins tons of interesting people of all sorts. I learned a lot during those 7 days. I haven’t been on a Greyhound since.

I'm not gonna be rasist I'm gonna be statistically accurate...bro great way to get the heat off you lmao

Once upon a Greyhound, I traded a pipe I had on me for a big ass bong a guy had! Neither of us had any weed on us. Ps. Poor kid between parents lol that was me!!!!!! Theo called it!

"If u go to the bathroom on a bus its like double bathroom....its like hiding in the throat of the devil..then chosing to snuggleup in his voice box!!!!!!" Hahahahhaaha LMMFBO🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

Great stuff!!!!

"... I kissed a black girl one time in a train... a bus.. a road train.." Hahaha

My dad sent me from Atlanta to Miami and then from Roanoke, Virginia to Miami years later. Both trips by myself. Worst experiences of my life. The worst part my dad had money and he was just being cheap. First time I was 16. Even then I told him I could've been raped. I am a dude and I could've been raped. Mad people on the buses have raper faces.

"Ive ridden on 180 Hounds" God Damn Theo is wild

“They have a girl who’s selling some hats or some bullshit.” 😂😂 I laughed my ass off when he said that.

Rode a hound from Seattle to NYC in 4 days. Experienced basically the opposite. Met cool folks. Got a hj from a Swedish chick traveling with a tourist group. Drank 40s with a band who got their van stolen and found a room in nyc via their connections. All drivers were white. Scored weed in Montana. No one straight out of prison. Poor Theo.

Dude that was a funny story you told Bert about how the bus driver was up for 3 days then he choked out that lady then dropped you off at Walmart and the trailer jack knifed and fucked up the back of the bus...LOL i was laughing so much man...great work man on all your stuff.

Omg sooo hilarious! I’ve never been on an airplane- only ever traveled by car, bus, and train. Guess I’m poor lol. Your description of the bus is so damn accurate 😂 I die! When I was a kid I always had to ride the greyhound to Yakima and Seattle Washington to visit family and friends. Met some cool and crazy people along the way! Love the pod casts ✊🏻

"each knee is in a rival gang, so he walks bo-legged" my god this dude is funny

Holy shit! I'm crying. Theo Von, you are ridiculous! :)

We’re sitting in first class trying to figure out what’s going on in coach… Theo is so profound!

Good shit Theo!! You are coming up. Keep pushin... You're a good dude. Love your vibe and you got some wild stories that are entertaining and funny as hell.Love ya stand up too. You were "Netflix Referred". Greyhound...one of America's rawest adventures.Nothing like pretty $15 station "pros" in downtown Omaha at 3am. Onward!

Take the first letter off of any name and it's great

The black dude putting coke in his barrel is why chappelle alway sprinkles himself before dying

theo please keep telling greyhound stories!!!

Theo you're the man! Seriously though dude you inspire me in a few different ways. But Hey you need a co-host! For real dog get that shit

He got some kinda Jordans or double Jordans 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I love the list of cool greyhound stories we got going down in the comments. Second greyhound I took was an overnight trip from Nashville to Charlottesville Virginia in November 2021. Immediately after sitting down everyone was sharing whether they were out from prison or on the way or coming back from rehab. Once we take off, dude behind me gets on FaceTime and starts screaming to his gf, saying “I’m coming home baby I need to get to Cookesville why the hell we ain’t at Cookesville yet”. Felt like he repeated some variation of that for about an hour. I eventually fell asleep, but I thought they’re was a 50/50 chance I was going to get robbed when I woke up. Took two more overnight greyhounds since then, and they were far more enjoyable.

Ravis is such a strong name man

I've never rode 108 hounds but one time and when Theo talks about his experience i can see whats going on. Such a good story teller. Lol a grey hound is like a double restroom 🚻 says Theo Von

completely unpredictable and effin hilarious on another level. thats why I love theo

Hahah this angle is so good, Theo looks like a little Alien boy straight off the bat.

"His knee caps are in rival gangs" HAHA! I fuckin lost it!

put ya on that griddle... hahhaahhahahha ive grew up in the south,still now, and I like Theo's mindfulness reminds me of home whenever that is 🎒💭🦊⚖️🦋

First podcast I ever seen of Theo too funny 😂 that hounddd boi

Holy shit man I grew up in st.joe Louisiana and and moved to vidalia at 9 and now live in Natchez, if u ever do a show around here I will buy a ticket for sure it was crazy hearing someone from my neck of the woods for a change

Took Greyhound tons of times to Port Authority NYC..few times passengers would ask driver to get off at different exit and drop them off at their houses, instead of bus station. When driver said no, those passengers would get pissed and curse him out.

My name is Travis I could've been a Ravis 🤣🤣🤣

Lmfao i love theo. Clipped up and gripped up

I love your pure soul despite your hardships.

Theo spittin' truth in this one.

Wtf this is so hilarious 😂

Took a Greyhound bus from Balto. Md to Seattle Wa. Hell of a ride!! Had a great time and meet some crazy and creative people. Smoked alot of joints an ate alot of Vicodins for 3 1/2 days.

"Get in where you don't fit in"...Good advice--sometimes easier said than done.

Theo Vons stories sound like something out of mad libs

Man that greyhound bus is no joke 😂

i have no clue why, but I really enjoyed this

take a greyhound bus? no thank you! I'll walk...

I've ridden buses across the country a dozen times. It was back in the 70s when people weren't crazy...and we were allowed to smoke in the last four rows of seats.

8:40 “I might be metaphorically dyslexic” is a metaphor itself. Genius.

Dude , disguise yourself as homeless , you'll be avoided by most ... just sayin' ain't hatin'

I took many hounds. from WI to Florida. it was crazy. but its life and experience. ill never regret it.

That was the worst story ever. - The point about him having weed in his suitcase was totally irrelevant. It was basically, "A guy gave me a meth pipe, and I went in the bathroom and smoked it." Very pointless story. And Theo, love you, Bro, but what is there to respect in that story? - Nothing! - He's lucky that pipe wasn't laced, and he didn't get robbed of that suitcase; though, that would have made a more interesting story!