These 7 Things make YOU lovebombable 

Narcissist's have a way of making you think they're the love of your life and they always end up being the biggest mistake of your life. To love is nothing. To be loved is something. To love and be loved is everything.

All the great memories you’ve had when you first met the narcissist you soon realize none of it was real.

It’s your innocence and naivety. Your hopes and expectations. Your goals and dreams for a relationship. And maybe because you’ve worked hard all your life, so you expect a certain level of treatment. Which makes it easier for a narcissist to come in and act like they’re the person you’ve been waiting for. When they’ve never even done the work and they don’t have anything of value to share with you. They’re just there to take and leech off you and then they’re on to the next.

Some people are so desperate to be in a relationship, they forget the basic one. Your friendships. You need to be friends with the person first. And yourself

I learned that you shouldn't be looking for true love or a soulmate necessarily. What you're looking for is a best friend. Someone you want to be with and hang out with for the rest of your life. Romance is something that comes and goes, there are moments of comfortable normality where nothing much happens. If you try to force love and connection, it won't happen or it will be artificial.

My list was compassion, kindness, honesty, good sense of humor etc. he showed all of that in the beginning.I didn’t realize he was just mirroring. He told me within two weeks that “Good asked him how he liked his next future wife?’ He also within the first two weeks insisted that we had shared many past lives and I was a warrior in my past. Obviously I was in a very vulnerable place when we met. Oh yes and he was pretty.

My former friend/narcissist had this knack to get me talk about myself and I realized he was just mirroring me, "we are so much alike, two peas in a pod, brothers from another mother" etc.. He would lovebomb me to a point where it was uncomfortable. The things he did and said creeped me out! Fortunately I fell down a youtube rabbit hole about narcissism and I started checking off the boxes. Up until that point I didn't know the first thing about narcissism but I did know I had to get rid of this guy!

1. Having a narrative 2. Not knowing what gaslighting is 3. Overfocus on romance 4. Strong desire for a relationship 5. Meeting your standards 6. You focus on appearance 7. You are vulnerable

When dealing with a love bomber, moving things too quickly and blowing up my phone 24/7 were glaring red flags. Thankfully, this only happened to me once, and very early into the relationship I was able to get out of it quickly and not too badly scathed. I've dealt with similar situations in non-romantic scenarios as well - not necessarily showered with gifts though. It was very overwhelming and unsettling.

I like how you describe "this person could never be interested in me, they're just too attractive" as a neurosis

Another great topic/video. I got love/future bombed. He checked the ALL boxes. Within a year it all ended. Totally ignored me out of his life. I let him leave, but I was heartbroken. Now realize the trash took itself out. LOL.

I was emotionally checked out when I briefly dated a narcissist due to the loss of my husband. The lovebombing tactic was a huge turnoff for me. Especially after he became furious when I said my husband was a wonderful man.

Excellent, Dr. Ramani. I would like to add that women who feel the pressure of their biological clocks and want children very, very badly, are vulnerable to lovebombing. It clouds judgment. An infamous case that reminds me of this is the murder of Dr. Toni Henthorn by her husband. She was a brilliant medical doctor but her desperation in wanting a child made her vulnerable and clouded her judgment because she married a very bad man. This is invaluable information.

Sadly I don't know what true romance looks like 😢

Especially if you have no real blueprint for what romantic love even looks like. If you grew up unseen, boy does it feel AMAZING to have someone "see" you in all the ways you could only imagine. I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Then the controlling/stalking behavior crept in.

So scary and deceptive. I was love bombed by my female pastor. It was not romantic, platonic, however, she did appease to my insecurity of my beauty. She constantly called me, “hey beautiful”. I’m now in the “devalue” stage and it hurts. Thankfully I’m strong enough to keep moving forward and focus on better things.

"Society makes us all more lovebombable!" Right on!

It’s sometimes just wanting to be special to that person, and feeling like you are the person you want to be when you’re with them. It’s scary how accurately they sense what you really desire, and they appear to give it via mirroring & manipulation. It can be like a shared fantasy almost. And then you wonder how you can go from that to ceasing to exist in their eyes. Crushing.

My BF doesn't understand how I'm so "content" with the little things. Because I just love spending authentic time together. And he's always there to meet my needs. Whether I want to talk, or cuddle, or i need a back rub, or im hungry.

Spot on Dr. R, as always. Now that I can recognize love bombing for what it is, I look back and see what a vulnerable target I was. It's easier to forgive myself. As an empathic, HSP, it still blows my mind just how vile these people can be. With a strong firewall in place I'm finally able to get back out there and socialize, but at this point minus the delusions. What a journey through hell it's been. "Narcissistic rodeo", now that cracked me up. People need to be aware and cautious at this point too, because rejecting a narc during the love bombing phase can really bring out the psychopath in them. I knew a woman (I was friends with her brother) who was murdered by one of these types. His pedigree was near perfect, he was good looking, attended ivy league schools, and bought her a big ring after weeks of love bombing. When she tried to "slow it down" he snapped. Trapped her in his apaftment for days in NYC. Finally when she escaped, she fled home to her family. After a few weeks she left her brother's house, and went back to her own cottage. Beth was stabbed to death days later on her own front porch. Everyone on Nantucket was rocked to their core. I was gut punched by seeing her picture on the cover of People magazine, that's how I found out. I'd moved to Florida by then. The point in relaying this is to remind women, listen to your gut. Don't ignore the red flags and one of those is if it's too good to be true...

When my ex fiance and I got together I actually had a voice come in my head and be like "if it feels too good to be true it probably is. Be careful." Years later when my dad came in and started love bombing me telling me how much he loved me and that he was never gonna leave me and that I'd always be his girl I heard the same voice in my head. Two days later he told mom (after 31 years of marriage) that he wanted a divorce and he walked out. Since then that same voice has come back a lot and you can bet I listen to it now. That being said, I'm glad that I have videos like this to remind me to stay mindful and vigilant of others because I know I'm not immune. In fact, thank you Dr. Ramani for reminding me that empaths and people who have a vision of the "perfect relationship" are even more susceptible. Now maybe I'll be more careful.

Growing up in a home where there was minimal affection and positive attention from the parental units made me very susceptible to lovebombers who showered me with affection and attention. I recognize it now for what it is... insincerity designed to manipulate. It's like being stranded on a desserted island. Are you going to turn down the only ship that happens by? Yes, but only if you know how to spot the pirates who are trying to take you hostage.

I have been very lovebombable. I’m learning and paying attention to all the signs for sure because I think I’ve exploded too many times. Also to find out that they never cared in the beginning about me.

To me, love means that when rhey come home from work they worry abour how your day has been when you're laid down poorly, not them complaining about their tea not being ready. 🍒

My mother never talks to me like a friend unless she calls me on the phone. But one time when I was visiting her she surprised me by having a really nice conversation with me for about two hours. The following day she asked me if I knew of anyone in the family who has mental issues, which seemed very odd. I sensed that something was up so I said that I did know someone (a "golden-child" sister) and that she is being medicated for it. My mother answered that she knew that, but wanted to know if there was "anyone else." Meaning me. I can't help but think that she buttered me up by being real nice so that I might "admit" that I am having mental issues. Yeah, I am in really minimal contact with her, a birthday card and no gift, and I will receive her phone calls, but that is it.

My narcex actually explicitly said to me “you know, it’s very visible that you’ve been damaged during your upbringing”. At another point, she also said (in relation to me lending money) “you know, you’re the least miserly person I know [what a strange negative to use, when so many antonyms exist]” and “I think that when you lend money, you actually assume you’ve given it and forget about it, right?” I also unwarily added a narrative by convincing her to watch “corny old romantic movies” such as Pretty Woman and The American President. By withholding her affection and insisting that our relationship be “label-less” and “unofficial” she pushed me into turbocharging it just for the sake of convincing her that it was worth officialising.

It happens in jobs too, never forget that.

I didn't know any of this stuff! I didn't even know what gaslighting was until I was 37! I didn't realise all his behaviours had names and patterns, and other people did the same! It blew my mind! Incredibly validating too. They should teach this stuff in school

Dr. Ramani is my favourite channel here on RU-vid. Love love love her videos. Thanks so much for the work. Have a great day everyone. Greetings from Ireland 🇮🇪

Self esteem. Low self esteem leaves on open to believe the love bombing.

i really appreciate your soundediting lately. Alot easier to listen to without stressing the speakers.

To be honest before being in a romantic relationship with a narcissist I had no idea what narcissism was. A close relative ,who has been through a narcissist relationship with her own mother, told me most people won’t understand. She was right. I find it hard to explain what I’ve been through when people ask, just very few close friends know the extent.

“Most of us don’t know this until we knew it”. This statement had me shaking my head up annd down and laughing at the same time.

Beautifully said when comparing romance and love bombing.

Growing up without my father and having a self absorbed mother made me very vulnerable to narcissists. My first boyfriend played the Prince Charming roll well. And what was I to do? I had no prior knowledge of how a man should treat me. I believed everything he said. I was innocent and he stole that from me. It still hurts to think that all I wanted was love and he deceived me the whole time.

Being love bombed made me feel both uneasy and on top of the world. The constant compliments, having someone so eager to talk to you, so eager to see you, constant future faking, trips away and so on, only for it to all end up in flames. He knew exactly what I had wished for and dreamed of my whole life, and unfortunately I wasn’t used to men actually wanting me or being very expressive of their want for me so I was taken aback and taken in despite feeling like his feelings were moving much faster than mine. The hardest realisation was that all of that beginning stuff was an act, fake as ever and the lines he told me weren’t even original because he said them to the girl before me and after me. I was an object and could be interchangeable and I was destroyed and thrown away in tatters only to be picked up for 5 minutes every now and then when he was bored or needed supply. If it feels too good to be true it probably is.

You look really pretty in purple and no im not lovebombing you😊❤

Growing up, I lived with a malignant narcissistic grandmother who would heavily love-bomb after doing something horrifically abusive. This would range from buying expensive toys and clothes I didn’t need to going to theme parks or on extravagant vacations. To this day, I don’t like receiving gifts in any form; it makes me feel extremely uneasy, even panicky. Years back, I had guys that would try to love-bomb me, and I’d immediately freak out. No one else around me understood it. One of the reasons I married the person that I did because I liked that he WASN’T a love-bomber. Or a narcissist.

That's very true! Yeah! Good one!

Always trust that niggling feeling you get when you are being "targeted"....stop and ask yourself why you feel this way !

A big factor for me was my age and lack of experience with women. She worshipped the ground I walked on until we married, then the loving stopped, and I slowly realized I had been conn’d. She was a gold digger. The lesson: Slow everything down. There is no hurry. Examine her past because that is your future.

Learn who you are 💜💜💜

Could you do an "action plan" video for someone who is very isolated and has no support network? Should one see their doctor, or a counsellor/therapist/psychologist, and of what specialization? Or any other steps to take which may not be obvious to the oppressed.

"Disney Princess Indoctrination" 👏👏

It really boils down to lack or void of sincerity - if we meet cynicism and defensiveness with cynicism and defensiveness it's a big downward spiral .. but if there is room to allow for niceties and being open to accept that time reveals the sincerity to these niceties 😎 rather than the 'splitting' of pathologizing attractiveness and/or kind gestures (besides the obvious grandiose bs or not exploring ones own potential to being addicted to the attention as well)

Notice your discomfort, anxiety, and feelings of confusion that arise in the beginning. Things that make you go hmm. It moves fast. Go slow. Ask hard questions. Take time to get to know them, don't get caught up in an unreal fairy tale. If they spend a lot of money on you upfront, it could be their brand of manipulation and you don't owe them anything! You can't change, fix, or save anyone. True love feels safe and loving and joyful, and it takes time to build trust.

Thank you sooo much for your advice Doctor. I teach Addiction diploma in Canada. My students love & respect you! Respect..Professor Walt💥💯

i did not know what narcissism was before "the algoritm" started suggesting me this channel after talking about my situation to a couple of my friends.

Thank you Dr Ramani this makes so much sense

I Had Noo clue that there were people like this in the world.😢

New book sounds great, congratulations! 🎯 they saw me a mile off, healthy dose of cynicism has now been developed in my character 😂🙏🥰

today’s and yesterday’s videos have been especially helpful 🙏🏻🙏🏻thank you

Really good honest analysis, thank you!

I'm so glad I listened to this. So encouraging! I can recognize some previous mistakes. TY Doctor.

Strange..i have always been a love bomber in all my relationships and i always expected the same from others.. until I met a secure/safe friend. I love bombed him and all I received from him was slow paced, deep and health connection..nothing hurried and no need to prove yourself......it was the first time in my life experiencing this kind of relationship since i had a very abusive childhood .as a kid i was convinced you have to work so hard for people's love,attention and time. So most love bombers are not even aware or see anything wrong with the love they offer.

Bless your heart Dr. Ramani, you are helping me heal!

I agree with having certain types of vulnerabilities. What makes it harder to spot the live bombing is that the narcissists friends and family are supportive of the relationship. They’re unaware of the narcissists true nature. I remember going on a trip with my ex and his family and his mum was talking to my and her other sons new girlfriend. She said she could tell why her sons were besotted with us because we were such lovely women. His friends were also supportive of the relationship. My friends and family also didn’t see the red flags. They thought he was polite. It took about five months before the mask started slipping

I’m became very immune against it after many cases.

Oh, you got that right. Can't wait to get your book. I loved "dont you know who I am"

This is the one I've been wanting for! Thank you Dr Ramani!

Great video, I have fell into some of these traps, but one thing is for sure that off gut feeling is never wrong. Sometimes, I have thought, "maybe I am being too judgmental?" Nope, those bad gut feelings are safety features built in you. There are unfortunately people out that simply have malicious intentions, but don't worry you don't have to live in fear. Keep watching these videos and pray for discernment. It will come, and you may be shocked to see the true nature behind a pleasant smile and demeanor, but it is for your protection. God bless you all.

Discernment is an understatement! Excellent information. Thank you

Dear Dr Ramani, I have discovered you since almost two years.As I had to put my carreer and social life on hold, for a health reason, I started working on my mental health. Educating myself about narcissism,and the subcategorie (for example, communal narcissism etc.) has been a gamechanger. At the beginning it was a huge shock and struggle to put this word on some people in my life, but then it felt liberating, just a tool for understanding and have power of choice. Now I spot these sort of behaviors more easily and grey rocking the hell out of them : ) it works,indeed,like a charm. It is not easy but it is a practice. Please keep making these sort of educational videos for us,so enriched with real life examples. I did not have good models of balanced and serene relationships so seing examples of both narcissist and more sane relationship patterns is wonderful. Have preordered your book,btw. Thank you!

So I was number 2, that was 16 years ago, I have followed your You Tube channel and I am amazed that what you said would happen has, and he is now love bombing someone else, so I am just waiting to see how long it will take him to abandon me…. Can’t wait. Thanks for all the information you put out.

Yes I totally agree. Last night I got Love bombed on Social Media with Angels and Protection and JC meditations. And it went on and on! Stay focused on your path and dont deter from it with attempts of distracting behaviours. Its merely a projection of someone attempting yet another connection with you. Be real. You have your own Life. Dont be influenced by fantasy especially when you are simply focused on your own goals. No one has a claim on you. Be aware of anyone else being used by the Love Bomber also, making things all nice warm and fuzzy...then saying " So what are you doing for the rest of the day?" It has happened frequently. Do what you have to do with genuine intention. You are not a cold hearted person for not being interested in other people's ideas or interest in you. 🙏

I love your videos they have helped me so much, thank you.

Thank you You were the right information at the right time years ago. Thank you feels so inadequate for how much you've done for.so many

"sweet texts and attention"...yes, thanks to being raised by a narc father and borderline mother. I was invisible and my time not valued. So...time and attention with a few words of praise put me in his pocket.

I have watched all my siblings go through their love lives and Horrible relationships. I am 42 and still a proud virgin. I believe you have to know someone for a Long Time, and understand most people just go by looks, or situations that Literally “present” themselves to you. I understand Perfectly what it means to resist the bait. I hope to Never be love bombed in my life. If I Ever Marry, it will be with a Friend that I Know, has shown can be trusted, and has a good level head on their shoulders

Amen, Lady Rrmani!! Lessons ingrained in the DNA....not going back!!

I definitely would like to learn more about becoming lovebomb-resitant! Also, I have been missing your podcasts, dr. Ramani.

This is so helpful, in particular the distinction between romance and love bombing!

After love the narc, I will throw the flowers given to me. Lol

The reason I have become so vulnerable was the number 6 in the description: appearence. Really…it was as exactly as said…and that took me to an insane path of doing everything possible and spending money and health to keep this “romance” alive , because I always felt I wasn’t enough.

Wow, how spot on.

It took a lot for me to get here ALL THE ABUSE!!

I said I simply wanted my son back. Religious abusers lying about me to him isn't going to achieve this.

This can apply to non-romantic relationships, too - for example, a parent love-bombing in order to try to sweep a big issue under the rug and avoid talking about it together in any meaningful, helpful way. And like Dr. Ramani says, it's about them and not both people. In fact, I wish there were another name for it other than love-bombing. Because it's not really love.

I have been quite immune to grandiose narcs, feeling that too much presents, luxury and praise feels wrong, esp. when you just know each other for a short while. I fell for vulnerable narcs though, having a bit of a helper syndrome, but I learned from experience.

Love bombing also happens in a pseudo-parent/I'm-your-best-friend & adult "child" relationship, especially those with abandonment issues. Wow, what a coincidence, that person was abandoned, too. I witnessed it & it was heart-breaking.

Brilliant

Watching someone else mirror you. Studying your behaviors and likes, makes you realize they are just being a chameleon and they aren't even being honest with themselves about who they truly are. Just be yourself, that's good enough for me.

TRUE TRUE TRUE

Thank you : )

Сердечно вас благодарю за правду и мужество! Низкий поклон за ваш труд!

Thank you 🙏

I think you just confirmed that I am completely ill-equipped to mother my teenage daughters in this arena. I always had high standards. He had to pick me up. He had to ask me out. He had to open my door. What now?! Do I teach my daughters to not have these standards? Do I not teach my sons to do these things? I am seriously confused. I have never seen a healthy relationship in my life, so I am a completely ignorant person here. I feel like a newborn baby and I’m 49 years old. I don’t know how to pick them. I don’t know how to teach my daughters how.

THIS IS ONE GOOD REASON TO HAVE YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA PRIVACY SETTINGS SET AT MAXIMUM SECURITY. No requests from strangers with agendas!

I appreciate this video. One of the main questions we all have "How do I know we're being love-bombed?" because it feels so nice, and get attached by the "nice" gestures that it's hard to detect their smoking screen while is happening. THANK YOU

I'm definitely not high on the narcissistic spectrum but love bombing is kind of normal for me. All the non grandiose "love bombing" steps seem normal. Does that make me bad? I shouldn't like the early days of slightly elevated communication? I shouldnt open doors, pay for dinners or check in that they made it home? This kind of ruins dating in a way. For me, I almost have to intentionally make myself unlikeable. I recently heard your love bombing on a budget episode and that hit me hard to because, TBH the attempt to not love bomb seems like it kills romance. Another reason narcissistic people suck.. they ruin it for the rest of us 😂 Case in point.. I bought tickets to a Led Zepplin cover band for my current date because she mentioned she wanted to see one on the date before. It just happened that there was one next week playing nearby. She said "It was meant to be"... so I said "No No no.. No magical thinking" 😂🤣😂

I’m really curious what happens when the narcissist buys your book; they do live in a delusional bubble after all. Anyway all good points as usual to remember. Still sad to me that after 4 years being kind to one another, my spouse decided to run off with their ex 😵‍💫 leaving me with these words: “for you our marriage was about love, for me it was a production.” Good goddess what kind of person behaves like this AND announces it? Where’s your kitty, Dr? Time to get outside for a great day 🦋🐬

So an attractive person who takes you out and is careful to get you where you want to be on time and you've chosen to call this love bombing. Than you call them narcissist. Flowers gifts dinners do nothing for me. In any relationship if I make a dinner and you take it forgranted I'm not sure I'm sticking around. Hope you tell them you don't really enjoy this. If I'm dating the fun is in the experience together. I had a girl I met at the dog park. I was loading up my car one day going on a small trip with my dog. She drove up on my drive with my dog just ahead of her. I had just let him out but needed another thing for my car. Anyway I was suppose to appreciate her finding my dog. She was looking for her dog. I assured her I would call her if he showed up. Our dogs played well together. 2 hours later she calls again. She found her dog no problem. Her new problem was a staff banquet. She didn't want to go alone would I show up with her. Hardly knew her but crazy sounded fun and this was out of my norm so ok. An hour later another call. The staff thing was at 6pm and she needed me early. Definitely getting crazier, I told her I was will to show up at 7 but I had other commitments. She called an hour later to inform me I must be there earlier. It's required. Finally we agreed on 6:30. An hour later she called again . Now she wanted me to understand there is a dress code. I couldn't just show up wearing whatever. It went from 10am lost dog to 4pm lists of demands. I went out and bought formal clothes. I showed up on time barely. She showed up ½ an hour late. Both of us were formal dress but the rest of her college Showed up to crazy event which the employer had gone all out with an impressive evening as a stand up comedian entertaining us for a couple hours. We hung around some but so many rules and demands. Like I must always walk my dog on my left side not the right. Demand I show up but than she fails to be on time. She mocked cancer which I felt was pretty random. I took offense but didn't say much After many offensive things i finally had enough we weren't even dating. Any boundaries she broke. She shot down anything told her I wanted. One day it was cold out. My sillly husky is a whimp I told her. She became crazy mad and said I had to pray to God asking for forgiveness. I laughed. I made an observation not a offensive word. Told her in a text her words were bizarre. Been years now she doesn't talk to me. The comedy was fun

Not anymore I've become immune

are you Mocking 🤔 Respect 🦅 Dr Ramani

Dazzling white teeth, good one! My narc ex used to show off his teeth on a profile pic on WA and I was making fun of him because the photo was obviously edited to make his teeth even more perfect. Ouch…bulls eye to the narcissistic injury😊

10:23... I felt so called out, lol.

Ace/aro not interested in romance in any case. I'm essentially a cat... "K that's enough people-ing now fuck off before I scratch your face." Love bombing seems too much like people-ing.

I have been listening to Dr Rmani for some time now.....and I have benefitted in leaving my narcissist behind.....there is much work to be done, I admit. What I feel is that in the Western world, narcissism is a bigger threat. A money driven society where financial success ,getting into power, is a very big thing that renders a perfect breeding ground for narcissism ....these people must be checked beforehand. These people should not get promoted in the first place....if India gets the same road, it is not long we will meet the same challenges to haunt us.

When you said the word "craving" the word "drug" popped in my head...

2 is why it happened… had noooo idea what was narcissism or the signs or love bombing that swept me away and before I knew it I was like what happened… that along with financial abuse omg I wish I just knew