THESE are the signs you have a mother wound 

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So sad to hear it, I dont know you but I believe that every one deserves to be healed and have a chance to establish a family. The important part of you as a woman has been taken away from you. I am sending you lots of love!

@@marcybar4797 Thank you. Sometimes the kind words from a stranger mean more to someone than you know.

Sending you big hugs, Im in some ways kind of in the same dynamic. Life can be absolutely brutal and you can feel disconnected from others even after you have done a lot of healing and self-reflection. Its down in the foundation the first 7 years of our brain and nervous system development. There is no quick fix, but slow patient work.

So sorry. I know how you feel. You deserve to feel safe and loved. Big hug 🤗💖

I don’t know you but I am proud of you for breaking the cycle! ❤

Proud of you too!!! Stay strong 💪

@@intentionallyleftblank3016 Thank you, Bless you my friend

@@TheDoconnor1266

Whish you the best! You are a great person

Same. We are safe from harm alone…

I am in too. We feel relaxed and in peace when alone, and stressed when in company. I think it's because our narc mother took so many space in our life, they love to be the center of attention. So there is no room to our self, we tend to forget our own self, because the delusional ego of our mother was put in the place of our forming self. Taking this trauma away feels like removing a tattoo but in the psych , i never let her hurt my heart, that is why she hate me, she never destroyed me as she wanted to. These beings are demons in human flesh.

@@naturalhealingmexico I agree but there is much more behind like patriarchy. Right now I'm watching The Beauty and the Beast which I never thought I would watch it (it's pouring outside 😕 which is good because we need the water), anyway, I'm watching the film already started and I see the Beauty returning to her home and I can see my sisters 🤣 this world is crazy and neither men nor women are healthy. My mother has been destroying me slowly with the help of my already deceased father (I wonder if he found out what a witch he married before dying, I doubt it) and my siblings, mostly female. I understand why I don't feel safe with men or women. I have lost all faith in humanity but some people on RU-vid channels call us "the chosen ones"... it's so pathetic...I can't understand why they called scapegoats the chosen ones when most of us won't ever reach maturity or our purpose. Most of us end up being isolated but by choice after being isolated since childhood. I can't understand God's plan but from my perspective, we have been waisted. All our potential thrown with the water of the baby's water. Sorry, right now I can't be positive. My best wishes 💜☘️... try to make your life worth living, I'm trying but it seems I can't. Love 💕

it backfires...I'm not giving up. Being in isolation as people age, become sick, like I learned with a disability that ended my nursing career I 2020 as I was abandoned by 'mother healthcare' and lit the match to going through ALL of this now, the decades leading up? .....while I understand it and attracted people who are cold, distant, etc, I remain committed to working on myself so I can meet and attract healthy people. Anti-social media has NOT helped and people need to get their heads our their Apps to do their part. @@sorkiemernie

You speak life into your own soul....every morning I go infront my mirror and repeat I love you to myself......I feel so safe because I'm leading with my own words. But get all your negativity out first. All the best.... you still have Purpose

You are not alone ❤

By God that is awful

A narcissistic mother for sure,had same experience in life and I absolutely do not care what she thinks.

My mother comes from a culture where men are seen as gods and raised better than girls, women are not seen as humans with needs or emotions, they are just something to own & do as they please with them & to decide over them , their future etc, even whom to marry, they force you to marry the one they like. My mother favoured her son all her life, even now when he is cheating on his wife, she just babies him and accepts him & think it is his wife's fault for him cheating. I am unmarried, and in her culture it's the worst thing ever happening, it's the biggest disappointment, its even worse than cheating or killing someone, they look at you as if you are a witch. For this I have shamed her so much & she worries & i am blamed for all her problems, that she can't sleep because I am unmarried, and my siblings blames all her health problems on me. But it's OK when her disgusting pig son is whoring around with every woman he sees, and she still looks at him like a newborn pure baby. She even said how bad & disgraceful my other girl cousins were for having a boyfriend. But she never said it was bad when her son or the other male cousins have girlfriends, she think women are bad & are whores for having a boyfriend, fir having love & sexual needs to be fulfilled. A woman should only be quiet and accept everything is what she means, only to sacrifice herself & her happiness for others and for her family. A woman is not allowed to be happy or have any desires or wishes or dreams, she only dies what she is told.

Omg, I read your post after I wrote mine, and this is nearly identical to my experience. Everyone in our immediate circle thought my mother was wonderful since she was “authentically” kind, humorous, attentive and generous with them. Because of this, I came to believe that something was seriously wrong with me, although I couldn’t figure out what it was. I never was able to do anything right in her eyes, and if I came close, it was always met with something snarky like “Its about time.” or “You finally decided to use your brain for a change.” Never any words of support, praise or encouragement. It’s been 20 years of no contact, and I have zero regret.

Support and love to you. May you be free in this life and be able to have whatever it is you need emotionally.

You are worthy and deserving of love ❤

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Damn brother, i just read my life through your comment, how crazy, the other thing is i never knew this was a mother wound instead i thought it was due to my father since he caused all the BS but anyway, love you brother we will make the best path

I wish I knew someone like you ! I need so much help as a low-income single, but it's not there so I'm on my own, and things just don't get done.

Me too😊

This is why I love the new generations so much. They’re learning from the past and changing the bad patterns.

Good luck, let their innocent little face(s) always inspire you to be not the best version of yourself as a mother but as the HEALTHIEST version of yourself as a mom🌞👍🏻👍🏻❤️‍🩹.

same here ♥

@@elisabethhughes6005 this is what i always say and people look at me like i'm crazy but i TRULY believe the up and coming generations are going to be the catalyst for some really, really deep change in the way we all do things.

That's so sad. I'm sorry you went through that ❤

I am so sorry :-( ❤️

I’m so incredibly sorry you have endured this. No one should ever be made to feel any of those horrible feelings, especially as a child whenever you needed the opposite. Sending you huge hugs and I hope you know how valuable you are, how much you matter and mean to us in this world, and I wish the next 50 years to be filled with lots of love and happiness - you deserve them friend! 💝

Bless you all for your kind words ❤️❤️❤️

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Just you posting this is amazing. Youre not only validating your emotions by writing them out, but believing yourself when you post and document it. I wish you luck on your journey. How you feel is real, and its ok to ask for help

@@raelatable8798I couldn’t have said that better! And @kristendreamy- be proud! Writing something out is absolutely courageous! I’ve learned myself that if I say it out loud (either in writing anywhere or vocalizing them) the thoughts/feelings/emotions don’t seem quite as intimidating! Lots of love to you both!!!

I'm the same I was never allowed to be sad or even look sad or unhappy. At 68 I still find it difficult to allow my feelings to just be. I think that's why my relationships have been disastrous. You've made the first step by commenting here, keep going. I say they may have ruined my childhood but I'm dammed if I'm going to let them ruin the rest of my life. Big hugs ❤❤❤

You're a great mother

So happy you were able to mend things! x

I invite you to do yourself another favor and call it healing instead of correction❤and as someone who's just started to go through that path, reading your comment and knowing it's beautiful where you're at on your process gives me a lot of encouragement and put a mich needed smile on my face. I'm happy for you and your future generations of women who, I have faith, will someday help to heal this deeply wounded world ❤ thanks for sharing

That's so wonderful! much the same for me, I'm so grateful for this time and all these moments to be present, accepting and loving.

Hugs for you if you want them. I know exactly how that feels.

i’m sorry you went through that nobody deserves that, sending you lots of love

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It's definitely sad and I've been there but trust me it's a lot better when you just accept it instead of having false hope and doing the whole magical thinking thing because they will never get it they won't generally apologize they won't do anything to correct their behaviors and in the end you'll just keep getting hurt. Just because someone doesn't know how to love you doesn't mean you're not worthy of love.

@@jclyntoledo thank you!

It can feel soul crushing, enraging, numbing.. Expect a full spectrum of emotions. It’s unsettling and destabilizing but know that it’s a completely normal response to an abnormal thing. There’s a wonderful freedom that comes with accepting our mothers for who they are and where they are. Acceptance brings the ability to stop coming to them hoping for a different response. We know the response well. It’s just human nature to want to be loved and accepted by our parents. It also takes time to reach acceptance because this is a grieving process. Grief of what you experienced and the reality of the relationship and grief of what you didn’t receive that you should have. I’m glad you allowed yourself to cry, not everyone has that ability. Keep feeling your feelings even when they are incredibly uncomfortable. Lean into the discomfort. You’ll be okay even when it doesn’t feel like it. 🩷

What a hideous thing to say to a child... awful 😢

When I was 9 my mother told me she had a miscarriage 6 months before she conceived me. I'm the one who immediately figured out that if that baby had lived I wouldn't exist. She agreed in a detached, academic-interest sort of way. I developed a serious case of imposter syndrome that day, believing I wasn't really supposed to be alive and I better keep my head down in case God noticed me or something. I still struggle with it. At the same time she told me how she thought she miscarried me because she passed a "clot" at about 20 weeks, but the next day the doctor heard my heartbeat so "all was well." She always said she swore the clot looked like a baby, though. Just a few years ago I found out that clot WAS a baby, my twin sister... so no wonder I developed the feeling I wasn't supposed to be here on Earth. My mother was not a warm, nurturing person and I've wondered if she was a bit on the autism spectrum. She always treated us more like a teacher than a mother, which is what she was before she had us. Complicated dynamics for sure!

I’m so sorry! Sending you lots of love! I was the oldest and my mom told me it was my fault she had a miscarriage when I was a teenager. 😢 I tell my baby I’m so lucky to have him!

You are brave and bold, you are a cycle breaker ❤

same

Or add more!

I ticked em all. 57 and still healing them! It’s ridiculous.

same

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Focus in your self love acceptance etc, i am in the same boat, but imaging open yourself to trust in people while living in a town infested with narcs. That be more traumatic. So i still keep doors closed, after terrible experience with narc people in my community.

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yes, it's a slow process, but it's worth the hard work, the psychotherapy...or else we will die as unloved as we were in our childhood. hugs.

Same here, but I’ve been hurt and sabotaged by so many people during my life that I don’t think I’ll ever trust anyone again. It’s just not safe out there for me, or at least that’s my experience.

@kgs2280 yeah thats the exact loop of hurt and pain that you try to break and heal, but with fast paced modern life, social media etc it can be really difficult to build up new connections that show you can trust people. Its like capitalism and individualism doesn't promote community, love and connection more to the contrary of egoism and discussion. Real sad and makes it harder to heal, trauma happened in a social setting and part of healing is also in a social setting.

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I too have a v argumentative and critical mother .. also not just of me (or my sister) but of everyone and everything as you mentioned too!.. I’ve worked really hard to not see the world through the same lens.. I’ve tried to be a conscious parent and only now in my mid 50s am I able to be myself through a more positive lens, as it were… I do think of when she passes whether I will find some relief there too .. however terrible that may sound ..

Same, well said.

❤🫂 So relatable. May you find freedom and genuine, unburdened love.

You are not alone. Your story is so much like mine.

Thank you for teaching me what limerence is, I'll put that in a poem. 42m divorced, emotionally immature, and I struggle with eating my feelings (it's tradition). I fill my belly 'til it presses on my sternum so my solar plexus feels like it's getting hugged. Perhaps a desperate attempt by the subconscious for touch.

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Sorry to read that, we all are in this trip, sadly. I have 2 malignant narc parents, i was criticize by both of them, i always felt like a punching bag as a kid, ether one or the other get on me, also my siblings, i am the scapegoat, and until you realize this, you keep playing the role they assigned. Narcs are demons in human flesh no doubt

I feel like I could have written this … I’ve had a very similar experience.

39 no kids honestly same reason. The trauma ends with me

@@Em-im1yzSame

You just described my childhood. Im past the age and never had children either. I wanted them but didn't feel like I deserved or could handle them. I taught myself. I relied on myself and adopted the mantra that if you wanted it done you had to do it yourself. I believe something fundamental and maybe even spiritual happened to women and consequently to families in WW II that will continue to haunt generations to come. I can't have children now so it's too late for me to be able to pass down healthy skills. It is extremely sad what is happening to families.

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Me too 🥺

i love it!!

Yes please. The only thing worse than having a mother wound is having a mother and father wound. My mother died in 2011, father is still on the planet but he regrets my existence.

I think we all have mother and father wounds

Agreed. There are a bunch of other things I was surprised to not see on the board, tbh, like psychological abuse (like gaslighting), emotional abuse (as opposed to neglect), physical neglect, and physical or sexual abuse. Not sure of why they weren’t mentioned, because they seem more straightforward than many of the things that were.

@@EIizabethGrace I suppose Dr LePera wants to keep it mild, i guess if she writes a book about this issue it will be wild.

I have to do the same thing. She is totally shut done emotionally.

@@naturalhealingmexico or really overwhelming for some who may just be identifying this in their mother call I've had so much self-help in therapy in bulshit I'm the only one in my family know that my brother and my mother I'm the crazy one

❤ im sorry angel sending you so much love and healing

I feel for you.. Sending some good vibes and wishing you some peace. 💙

Oh darling it wasn’t you … it was her …I had a similar experience with my mum so I know how hurt you must feel 💔

Many are in the same situation my mum was hyper critical very toxic. Now she has dementia and I look forward to when she forgets me. Its better than being her punching bag. 😢

glad you cry when you need to. it helps regulate our nervous system and will make you feel better afterwards!

same 💔 i think i was alienated from her very early on, and knowing how hard her life was even before she got married, it makes me really sad for her. She deserved so much better, and i wish we could have had a better relationship than we did (I think most of the family strife, even just among the siblings, comes from my father being abusive towards her for their entire marriage. i used to be close to him as a kid, but by now his memory is almost completely tarnished. She did nothing to him, ever, to deserve the way he treated her).

This is also my story. So sad. Didn’t realize these things until I was much older.

Amen 🙏🏾

This part! ❤

We have almost the same name! I’m Elizabeth Hughes!

That's rough, I've heard many horror stories of chaos involving untreated Borderline parents.Hats off to you for going to therapy for years & focusing on being the healthiest mother you can be🌞👍🏻👍🏻.

Hi. I feel you. My mom also had BPD. She had a complicated life. My mom was one of 7 and the only child that was given out for adoption. I never understood why she was unhappy with that arrangement. She went from getting abused by her violent and crazy mother and absent father. To be the only daughter of a rich older couple who gave my mom an amazing life. Coming home was like a bad forest Gump box of chocolates. You never knew what Mom I came home too. She treated me with so much disdain but lucky for me I had people around me like my nanny who protected me, my adoptive grandmother and my dad. Today I take pride in breaking the cycle of abuse. I just do the opposite my mother would have done. I follow heart and therapy. My kids are normal and live the life I wished I had as a kid. My greatest accomplishment.

Yes, therapy is self care.....it is WELL with you and your future generations ❤❤

My mom had bipolar manic depression. My dad was so toxic to her that one day after a week on her medicine she was having side effects of being mean to everyone verbally and my dad threw a pack of cigarettes at her and tried to get rid of her meds. She hasn't been on those meds since because of the side effects. She would also get twitching in her neck as well.

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From feeling validated by all but one of those check boxes, I'm now feeling the need to send you a hello through this whole mess. I've always felt grateful that at least my mother didn't give me away. I'm so sorry for how you were treated and the cost of that extreme neglect, I hope you found some peace x

Sorry to read that, focus in your spiritual side, it has helped me a lot in my recovery from my mother who loves dramas and scenes, extremely histrionic, etc, give it a try, the wounds these narc mothers did cause demage in our soul and psyche.

@@kymandrew1850 Thank you for your kindness in reaching out. Im getting close to peace in my life after spending my entire adulthood managing this trauma. Hoping you have managed and found peace yourself.

@@naturalhealingmexico Thank you. I think that would be good for me. I know nothing about my spiritual side. I will be starting to go to yoga classes soon. Perhaps this can provide the peace I will need in my brain to explore that side of me.

@@kymandrew1850 Thank you for the kindness and reaching out. Im getting closer to peace everyday. As anyone here knows its really hard to find the peace when your existence is dominated by trauma. Im hoping you have managed and found peace.

I urge you to go no contact. Lots of love to you ❤

Me too. I am 70.

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Your dealing with a covert narcissist. Who has twisted your reality into you having to prove you are not giving the cold shoulder. When really as the “parent” she should be taking steps to bring you together. Really, you already know all of this. The only thing left is to have a relationship or to not have a relationship with her, decide.

Very glad for you, sometimes these narc mothers feel entitled because we don't sent boundaries and never complain about what they say. We need to keep our ground in order to not be intimidated by them. At the end it's their crazy ego what is all about, the more we back the more they feel powerful, so don't be afraid of confronting , rebel !!! They never act as mother's, but as wolf's.

Stay strong dear. You are dealing with a narcissistic mother and you are the scapegoat of the family. This is a toxic, unsafe environment and is NOT your fault! She is an injured perpetual child, empty and toxic. Go no contact and seek a happy, fulfilling life with people that offer mutual respect, caring, kindness, support and love. Keep knowing your self worth and do this for yourself so that you can be all you are meant to be and have enough left to offer good things in return. Big hug to you ❤

Speaking your truth and owning it and calling her out for her lies and bull sh... will drive her nuts lol. just do it over and over and watch her flip out then laugh to yourself, because ur in control not her. Flipping the script on someone like that is so much fun to do

@@RedHead_88 but it is not convenient, specially if the mother it's narc, they search for revenge eventually, on the contrary I suggest just to make them believe we are still in their lies, ba vs never accept fault or a different opinion, besides that, discussing with names can it's pointless and exhausting. Better to avoid them.

I agree with all you say. I'm nearly 60 and have had years of therapy. It helped but I'm now doing Internal Family Systems therapy and it is transformational!! The new experiential therapies that work with the body (IFS, coherence therapy, somatic experiencing) seem to help re-wire the brain and calm the nervous system - do look into these if you haven't already (also Family Constellations work) ❤

Let me guess, you live in a Catholic county....in most that countries trauma by parents is taboo.

​@@naturalhealingmexicoThere's been plenty of Catholic religious leader scandals involving child abuse that got swept under the rug too🤢.

Sounds to me like Asian parents, lacking emotional support, kindness or compassion while valuing only external markers of achievement. Unquestioning respect and subservience to parents and elders. Caring more about image than children’s actual emotional needs. Lots of cruelty and narcissism in Asian parents that goes unnoticed.

I feel joyful for them and with them....then later, I cry from the pit of my soul. I have to ask Jesus to remind my heart to not envy...it helps, it works. I get it though

That’s a very valid feeling

Hang in there! It’s amazing that you are trying to break the cycle with your own children. So many parents excuse themselves with being too busy to worry about things like that

exactly, generational aspects are huge...so are cultural.

@@Jennifer-gr7hn Most of my family is 55+ so I'm used to the older generations and their thought patterns.She didn't want her kids to go through what she did so she did the opposite. The longterm study under the name gentle parenting is about as old as my 34 years.They are finally adding gentle parenting type things to college child development classes.

🫂 Feeling exactly what you mean.

If i may suggest. When I started working on a guided self love journal, the perspective changed. Maybe that can help you as well. Working on your self love, self worth, self respect, learning about boundries even when it comes to blood related family. Good luck! 🙏🏼

Thank you 😊

I say all this in the past tense but she’s still the same, except I’ve distanced myself.

What changed?

@@dn-cp6sh We both did. I had my first kid at 14 then had a bad drug habit till I was 44. My life was a disaster and I almost lost it many times. She prayed for me non stop and God ended up changing both of us. Now 5 years sober and we are blessed to be able to talk about all of it with no hard feelings, just love for each other and a desire to heal. She was going through so much more than I realized when I was little and I'm so glad I can see that now and not hold anything against her.