I'm almost 60 and have beat myself up all these years over chronic procrastinating! After finding your channel, I've started reading How to do the Work and watching the companion podcasts. Nobody has helped me the way you do! Thank you for your giving spirit and loving presentations! ❤
Concerning chronic procrastination: Wait, so locking up and being seemingly unable to do things even when you know you should is an actual thing that several people experience? I kinda thought it was just my brain failing to be normal
Thank you for this.... This has been my life and I have never understood why. I did not realise I have been suffering from PTSD after severe childhood trauma. After watching you videos I am starting to put things in place. Thank you.. thank you
In high conflict situations or arguments, I am unable to recall things that were said and the entire event becomes a blur, whereas someone else who experienced the same thing with me can articulate what happened with detail. So interesting!
I can Never! Remember what was said in a 1 hour meeting except for maybe 4 sentences. I bring a recorder & record the meeting so I can play this when I get home
@@moniqueengleman873 I wouldn't be so certain. Maybe he Did remember & simply Denied that he remembered so He Did Not have to take personal accountability for his actions. He Clearly! Was FAR from perfect
My Narc partner, rants and shouts at me, I totally remove myself from the situation, my mind just leaves my body, until the aggressive behavior stops, is this dissociation,
Yes I am severely dissociating. I am so checked out and have been since my marriage started a decline in 2013 and after divorce in 2021 when it really got bad. The divorce felt like a death to me. The procrastination increased and social media strolling is an addiction now. Just last night, I sat on the couch for two hours on social media going from IG, to Facebook to Tik Tok...during the entire time I was thinking that I was a failure. I even fell asleep and awaken and started cleaning at 10:51 p.m and finally went to bed at 1:01 a.m. During this checked out state, I am tracking in my mind my behaviors. I need my life back; this state is causing financial problems in my life.
One of the most incredible things I've learned doing my trauma healing is the overlap of symptoms of things like ADD/ADHD with cPTSD and nervous system dysregulation. So many of these are symptoms I have and they look a lot like ADD. But as I started working with a therapist and "Doing the Work" and realizing I was living in a constant freeze/fawn state in addition to cPTSD from having a narc mother, and healing my attachment wounding, a large portion of my symptoms disappear. Not to mention now when I go back into a dysregulation, the symptoms start to come back. And the dissociation that gives me ADD symptoms is usually the first thing I notice now.
I have a similar story. I was treated for ADHD from around 2005 through 2013 and then about five years later, I learned about CPTSD after reading Pete Walker‘s book, and a few other books, and it all made sense knowing that I have my own attachment issues from having a narc father and a turbulent first 4 years of early childhood.
I can relate. My focus was excellent till 12 yo to the point I could memorize whole page I've read once. Later I've had all the symptoms of ADHD. In narcissistic household we aren't allowed to focus on ourselves, we are bombarded with microtasks. I was constantly interrupted and micromanaged. It became a norm to focus on everything outside of me.The impact of trauma on attention disorders is underrated.
@@TejubescDM could you please give an example, what exactly was happening when you were interrupted and micromanaged? I have a lot of memories doing something in my room, then my mother coming in, telling me something. And memories of me being annoyed and irritated by her. I wonder now if I was being micromanaged and slightly criticised too!
@@АннаШироких-х4ф what happened is I was doing normal things like cooking and she was very intrusive, controlling and often I gave up doing whatever I was doing from fear. She was emotionally explosive and unpredictable so I felt shock daily and it got my body used to dissociation. My track of thought was always interrupted somehow.
Wow! You described my childhood and the exact place I've been stuck the last 3 years. At 72 just now learning how narcissistic father and non intervening mother effected my life! 34 years clean and sober & retired but since my father died 10 yrs. ago have been slowly retreating into frozen state. Pandemic lockdown was the final blow. Now struggling to go out for groceries, etc. Making plans to go out but keep procrastinating... Thank you for what you and others post because I'm learning there is hope and that I'm not alone. I look forward to your next post! ❤
No, you're not alone. I know exactly how you feel and can relate. I had it all bottled up: The narcissistic mother, the unfair scapegoat role, the triangulation, the abusive treatment and now the barrel reached its full and it's tilting point where nothing works any longer, like the point of no return. I never had a fitting description for my father's role in all of this, why he never did something to protect: You gave me one. He has some narcissistic personality parts himself. Thank you for that. To me, one of the most unfair things in this whole thing is that while I suffer, while I'm the one needing therapy and medication, they all live their lives as if nothing has happened. Wish you all the Best ❤
Give yourself credit. At 72 you’re recognising why you are the way you are and looking for knowledge to help yourself. So many people of all ages just accept the status quo and don’t question their thoughts and behaviours.
You're absolutely not alone, and my feeling is that you can bring the amazing personal strength,courage and determination you used to get clean and sober to get through any challenges. I procrastinate and obsess over details. My technique for going out when I'm resisting it is to promise myself a treat when I return but not before. Then I use my obsessive nature to organise everything I need - clothes, shoes, keys, money etc, and basically remove any excuses (so for example I might put the garbage bag next to the door) and then to get ready as slow as I like, one step at a time until poof! I'm at the door, dressed and ready to go, nothing has been mislaid or forgotten so there's no reason not to just go, AND there's even a treat waiting for me! 😘
@@Jasonslittlesister1 I feel the same way! Everyone in my family as well as my narcissistic mother and ex husband live or seem to live a wonderful life. They took everyone I loved and everything I have. I suffer daily and most days want to die! I know I’m not alone in the sense that others have gone through many of the things we all have some even worst! But here where I am I feel truly all alone!! Our mental health system sucks! I can’t even find a psychiatrist in the past 2 yrs and the last one just wrote me my scripts and made an appointment for the next month. In and out in 10/15 min!!! And every therapist I have had has shamed me for “continuing to play the victim” as if I enjoy being the victim! So I stopped going and kept everything inside as I had always done before and now at 54 I think I have cotas because intrusive thoughts, memories, dreams, nightmares come whenever for no reason at all. I cry everyday and this comes from someone who never cried or at least never let anyone see me cry. And the rage is real!!! It scares me!! I don’t know who I am anymore or if I was who I was in the first place if that makes sense!! Yes, I feel so alone and I don’t know where to go from here… the only thing that keeps me going is my daughter but I wonder know if I’m just in a freeze state which can’t be good for her!!
Absolutely. I had a vicious partner who would take advantage of my memory issues and used it as a tool to gaslight me (it was “proof” my mind was just so unreliable). Meditation, breath work, sauna, ice cold showers, and yoga have all become huge tools in my back pocket.
Staying away from toxic people for long time and putting big no contact or very limited helps too!!!! Once you know and heal the. Use it to test others effing with your head! That’s tells you who’s toxic!
I daydream when I dissociate. Maladaptive daydreaming has been my coping mechanism since I was a little girl. I have created a world of my own that I escape to everyday. It has become the norm that my mind finds it hard to come back to reality and accept it or face it. It is like an addiction.
It’s horrible. Because in a way you die. You invest your time and energy into that created world and in the real one you basically just breathe. You ”live” in a fictional one. People who don’t do this have no idea how it looks. It’s a life destroyer.
The same for me. To a point where dream becomes better than reality. And its shocking to get back to reality and feel loss and depressed. Happily married, great job, good friends. I feel guilty and torn about this alternate dream world but it's comforting beyond words
@annacroixx as a trauma survivor, I have often considered writing a book. But then I think it might be better for the world to keep my nightmares to myself and not give the devil ideas. Do we really want to live everyone else's trauma? How do those of us who so fully disassociate from our reality write something that isn't tainted with negative feelings others might internalize? Do I really want my kids to know every horrible detail of what I went through that I don't even share with my husband? Or do you think we have some beautiful alternative story to share with you? Sometimes I want to write, but it's healthier for me to go read Charlotte's Web than to allow my overly creative mind free reign when it likes to wander back to trauma. I stopped writing when I had my negative experience and it's not a joyful activity anymore. I read way too much Stephen King in high school and still have violent nightmares. Not a genre I want to write in but what my mind wants to dwell on when pen and paper meet.
@@1MissEllyLovemaybe write just for you. Don't worry about who will see it, or get influenced by it. I think that's a trick of the devil to keep us from sharing our testimony and getting freedom. Whether it's fiction, or a diary, or maybe a diary where everyone's name is changed so it looks like fiction 😏 write in a password protected app, or go old school and get a diary that locks (I personally just use a small notebook that fits into a pencil case, and I locked the pencil case with a combination lock 🔒). Writing in a journal has helped me vent so many pent up emotions so they don't have to be inside me anymore; also looking back, I can compare the height of my chaotic state to my current state and see progress; or if I'm feeling low, I can look back and see what helped in the past. Lingering trauma can mess with memory, so writing helps. In the future, if you ever decided to publish your memoir or "fictional novel", you could use a pen name if you don't want your associates and family to connect you to your writing.
I have done this my whole life since I was born. I remember very little of my life, and many things I cannot account for as I was simply out of my body. I didn't realize procrastination & muscle tension & soreness were connected to this! I am very much looking forward to learning your technique. I have made progress on my own, but still a long way to go. I own your first two books :) Thank you!
You explained my experience perfectly. I'm not lazy; I've always been able to do stuff. But, it's like I know I need to , shower, eat, go to bed... but it is like I zone out. I've gotten out of the shower and lost a lot of time just standing there in my towel. One time, 45 minutes passed and I was just standing there.
Omg! Ive done that too!!!😬🤦 I had NO idea what that was or what it was called until right this second...also , (when I was much younger) ,I'd sit down somewhere, didn't matter where, & completely lose hours. Sit down, intending to read, never open the book, just stare off into space...thinking....look up & it's dark out. Felt like only 2 seconds had passed. Scary. It's an honest to God miracle Im still alive. Well, maybe I really AM stronger than I thought/think.🤷 Thank you for sharing your experiences! May you be blessed....may you find peace.....may you be happy & may you be healed.❤❤❤
I've dissociated away large parts of my childhood (or the last 40 years in general). Only in my late 30s I stumpled upon cptsd, attachment trauma, narcissistic abuse, dysfunctional family systems etc., and it's been such a ride ever since. Complete 180° turn of my perspective, looking back on my life. The memory problems, the procrastination, the difficulties in school even though I did okay IF I was able to function ... it all makes sense.
I have so many issues so glad found your channel. I am a Brazilian girl i was traded for pleasure since age 6 sold to different clients every day. Today as a grown woman i can't have a relationship all men reject me i am was hurt by my uncles, male cousins and sold for 100 bucks everyday. I was hurt the worst way that a girl can be hurt. Many many years now as as grown up my life is stagnant no breakthrough no blessings nothing but just an empty space in my ❤️
You may benefit from Ketamine treatment from a good well known doctor. Your level of trauma is extreme. Please look into it. I was sexually abused by my own father. I understand your pain. 🤍🤍🤍
Maybe look at art therapy or art journaling this has helped me so much as I was abused as a child and found it difficult to love myself or others. I'm now 62 and still working through some traumatic experiences but doing art saves me. ❤
Absolutely. I've just turned 40, and suddenly I'm realizing and learning all the things about myself, and it all makes sense now. Unfortunately my anxiety and procrastination, also get in the way of me seeking help
Thank you so much for this, and for all of your videos! You are able to convey with compassion, empathy and humor easy to understand, easy to digest, and easy to apply education. I love the part in your videos that start with “here’s what I’m learning… And then have the segment… “20 years from now I will…””.
I grew up I with severe abuse and neglect as a baby on up to my teen years, this carried into my adulthood where I only knew to accept abusive partners. I have CPTSD and have learned to coexist with this and just try to be the best human I can but I have 3 autoimmune illnesses and severe fibromyalgia. As an older lady now I cannot concentrate and I am loosing short term memory It’s amazing how the body holds onto emotional pain and trauma. I hope everyone here finds love and healing.
Repressed memories from childhood that have come back to me, make certain fears of mine make so much sense now. It's amazing what the mind can hide away. There wasn't anything I could do about those things, and nobody I talked to seemed to care or believe me so my mind closed it up.
...and then you beat yourself up for not doing anything which triggers you even more and makes you feel MORE exhausted and stuck! Thank you for teaching about this and I look forward to your next video on the freeze response.
I really appreciated the context you gave to dissociation. It definitely lines up with my own experiences. And thanks for noting that it doesn’t have to be experienced through extreme abuse. Granted, I did have some significant childhood traumas, but when I compare my story to other people it seems like I shouldn’t be struggling with dissociation or other things. Yet I do. Your videos and short reels have been enlightening. Thank you.
I used to compare my abuse to others and the fact that mine "wasn't so bad" until I was in my early 70's and realized to a child, it's all the same. To a child's nervous system, it feels like sticking a finger in the 220 socket.
It's society conditioned us to think there is more and less important abuse. The book "complex CPTSD from surving to thriving" Peter Walker is excellent book for those who think their abuse or neglect was "less significant". It's not. Death by being stabbed might be more painful than death by hemorrhage but the result is the same. And it's easier to move on emotionally from very abusive, physically violent parent than parent who makes us feel not good enough but doesn't physically hurt us.
My whole life I've dissociated. I'm having so many problems with my muscles now in my 40s from my whole body being tense all the time. I've had muscles in my back go into excruciating spasms that immobilize me for weeks. I realised recently that I'm always in survival mode, but I don't have the fight response to anything. Freeze, fawn, flight, yes. Fight, no.
I am so excited to watch the next installment! Dissociation has been a huge, insurmountable problem in my life for a long time- I feel like I make so much progress, and the next awful things happens to me and suddenly I’ve lost months of my life just going through the motions. Sending you love always, darling! ♥️
the numbess thing is crazy. i still struggle with dissociation but not like i used to as a kid&teen, but something about years of numbness still means i cant cry. i only cry when i'm pmsing these days but even then it's from something like a book or movie not my actual life.
I never knew why I was numb and unable to cry. My procrastination mixed in with avoidance has been a mainstay. I didn't learn how to feel my feelings. I blank out very quickly and takes me some time to snap out of it. It's great to see the whiteboard back. 🙂
Omg thank you so much for this! I knew that i dissociate, but i didn't know that the muscle aches and procrastination could be caused by it too. But now that you said it, it makes perfect sense! I have always even used that same way to describe my procrastination - that it feels like i 'get stuck', and before i know it, i realise I've been sat doing nothing, just staring into space for hours, and didn't get anything done. Also, other times i 'get stuck' in repetitive behaviours like compulsive washing and skin picking, that make me zone out - does anyone else get that?
I'm almost 57 years old, and if I could collect the memory fragments of my first 30 years on Earth, they wouldn't cover a postage stamp. I'm very interested in learning about your method...something I can use to continue moving forward. Peace and light💜
The numbness and chronic procrastinating. At times, I wouldn't feel anything when I should. But uncontestedly, the procrastination. I literally felt like my body was a prison, doing motions without my commands, and I would be thinking, 'I need to do this or that..' and I would be internally SCREAMING at myself to get up and do it, and my body just wouldn't move. It was the worst. And, quite honestly, terrifying.
I have disassociated since childhood - no memories of childhood - pictures I have are small reminders- I have 4 of 5 of your signs- I just don’t procrastinate- being single mom of large family I adopted phase of “ if I don’t for my family- who will” that was my motivation and daily phrase I said to myself- served me well 🙂- I am so looking forward to your next video as to how to stop disassociation going forward 👍
I have always wondered why i almost no memories of my childhood & none before a certain age. Now i know. Thank you. I no longer think there is something seriously wrong with me mentally. I also used to think that I had some weird disease because of the disassociation.
Thank you Nicole, I didn’t even know about this, I have been in this state since I was a child, and i still don’t feel safe, looking forward to your next video maybe I might be able to defrost 😊
Yeah, this is common in emotional traumas. I recently learned and started using EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) on myself and am finding it helpful in dealing with emotional traumas.
I dissociate/depersonalize when driving (after having a panic attack while driving.)... I would love some help in dealing with these symptoms in order to safely drive again.
Can relate. My dad would apply interrogation tactics as a child AM To PM until he made us cry and "got through to us". Bathroom, food, etc. withheld. Buddy my brain knew where to go and still goes as an adult when presented with any conflict. Don't feel much significant emotion than anxiety/fear. Interferes with work and personal life and would love to improve.
I had a highly traumatic childhood. I've been in therapy working on myself for the past 4 decades. I STILL have some of each of the categories you describe. I'm trying not to use this to beat myself with. Mostly, I'm frustrated.
I've been doing this so long and I didn't realize it-- always procrastinating and I couldn't remember so many things, I'd always be asking my ex to describe shared memories because I couldn't remember so much. I kept thinking something was wrong with me but years after (and many life shifts after) it's clear it was the overwhelming stress and not me. Glad to be aware of it now so I take better care of myself moving forward🙏💕
I too can't remember much of my childhood or adolescence, I only really remember from 14 onwards, I don't remember anything between 4 and 10. After then it's really blurry. I thought I had chronic memory issues for years until I learnt about dissociation. I am much more present in life now I'm in my 30s and have worked on childhood trauma and healing my attachment style, reparenting myself and accepting what was and is. Learning to accept myself was hardest actually, not having any sense of self worth to begin with from childhood
1000% I was disassociated for a couple years. Couldn't cry. Tight muscles (I didn't know that was part of it until this video.) Mega procrastination. Yet mostly highly functional adulting. On the total verge of burn out. But doing the things. It also happens now here and there after a traumatic event. All the mindfulness and breathwork can't stop it from coming on. But I come out of it faster now. Like just a day, instead of months or years.
If you're looking to heal from dissociation, my private healing community SelfHealers Circle is opening soon. Spaces do sell out. Learn more of secure your spot on the waitlist here: selfhealerscircle.com
I was diagnosed with MDD a while ago. It's been a slow healing process, but I've come a super long way. Learning boundaries was a big one. The depression I experienced was often the cause of letting people run all over me and putting others before my self. Mindfulness also helped a lot, the little book 30 Days to Reduce Depression by Harper Daniels was something I enjoyed a lot, and the Tao Te Ching.
That is all me. All my childhood was full of these symptoms. Unfortunately I married, I have a 9 years old kid. I was frozen most of my marriage life also. And last week she left me when I am 10000 kms away. Right now I don't know what to do. Incredibly painful.
I suggest searching for professional help. Trauma isn't something you can suffer from and overcome all by yourself. It's so embedded inside your body and mind, and years and years of Trauma responses won't go away over night. That'll need time and treatment. Maybe you can talk to your wife, say that you're willing to go to therapy and if she's willing to give you another chance or even go there, too. It's not easy, being a family member and in a relationship with a trauma patient. There is a possibility that because of the trauma or our learned attachment styles we can sabotage relationships though we deeply love somebody. Maybe because we think that in the end, EVERYBODY will leave us. The trust in love is broken and because of the trauma we think of ourselves as broken, too. And who would want a broken partner, right? Or who deserves that? Not our loved ones... Or so we thought. But we never give them the chance to decide for themselves if we push them away because of our low self esteem and self worth. It's not their fault we think we're broken and can't be whole again. Maybe they love us for who we are, as simple as that. Or we can find someone who does. Sometimes, especially with dissociation, it's not so easy to find out what event caused the trauma. A therapist can help untangle the web. And they can help see the patterns, the ways it's effecting our relationships and HELP with it. It's no shame to ask for help. It's strength to face the inner demons. I recommend reading books or listen to the audiobooks from Bessel Van der Kolk 'The trauma in you' and books by Pete Walker or Dr. Inside Clayton. All the Best for you ❤ PS: And if you don't want to do it for yourself, maybe because you feel like you don't deserve help: At least do it for your child. Decide to become a better parent by getting help so all of you can be there for your child, because your child deserves it! (I have a 12yo ;)
Can’t wait to watch the next video. I have been dissociating for at least 60 years and I’m 63. It has been crippling most of that time. It has definitely contributed to many bad decisions. My teacher in 1st grade even suggested my parents get help it was so bad in 1st grade. But I know it was earlier than that. Secondary Family trauma and personal trauma created my dissociated. I believe it was compounded due to an undiagnosed congenital heart condition. Most people are diagnosed in their 20s, mine was at 62.
I didn’t even know my body was doing this on a regular basis. Memory loss and procrastinating is what I have been experiencing. Thank you for explaining so clear… is good to know that this is what my body does to protect me, and I can now shut down the blame voice in my head. 🤍
So much is suddenly making total sense! I've had memory loss about a lot of my childhood. My 4yr younger brother has better recollection than me for most events and i could never understand why. The rest of the symptoms all spot on too. So much to say on this topic. Thank you so much!
5 years ago the first memory came back. The last batch was 4 weeks ago. Extremely violent, sexual, psychological and type B Dark tetrad that includes drs and police all acting to protect my abusers.
Is it possible to suffer from dissociation without the memory loss & without feeling numb? Because I do have the depersonalization, sore/tight muscles and chronic procrastination for almost 3 years now. But no memory loss. I used to feel numb from time to time over the last years but never longer than 1 or 2 weeks. The last time I felt numb might have been 2 years ago. Depersonalization and chronic procrastination are the two big ones for me.
Can you remember things but just have always felt dead inside? Or felt as if you’re watching yourself in a movie…or never feeling like you’re inside your body? Thanks.
You have described me so completely, I feel like crying now. I’m 71 now and I’ve never been able to journal basically cause I’d tear out what I had written due to the anxiety of reading what I had written. I’ve recently began trying to again but mainly focusing on memories that flood my thoughts at night. I missed so much of my childhood and wonder about it. I tried therapy a few years ago and she asked if I had been SAed and I told her not that I knew about. Which at the time I thought was a stupid answer. I don’t believe I was, I certainly don’t think so. She said I showed all the signs. I have to consciously work to relax my muscles, even relaxed there is always a muscle group tight. Right now I found I was gripping my toes together. It was a surprise to see so many others have these things happening. Well, I made it this far, healthy, happy and in a wonderful marriage so I came through the worst. I still dissociate occasionally.
Im sorry to hear and recognise a lot myself, so i wish you all the very best. 💪🌟 Don't let anyone talk you into anything. I have had many yrs of therapy and therefore have to mention that i think its unprofessional and not right to "assume" a patient had been s.abused. I can relate to your mental/physical symptoms and I have no s.abuse in my history either. I do havr a history with a domineering narc. mother and a avoidant and later on absent father and their crappy marriage (etc). Take care ❤
So that's why my memory is so bad and I've been procrastinating so much and having so much anhedonia/emotional numbness. I'm a survivor of a narcissistic mother.
Great video, thank you. I appreciated the visual info on the whiteboard too. I didn't know I was spacing out until a friend made me aware of it. I tend to zone out with sensory overload, but for other reasons also.
Thank you so much for explaining all this. I've been beating myself up for years for having these symptoms. I'm so glad to finally have some answers as to why I'm like this. I look forward to your next video!
I'm not sure I want to stop dissociating, it's been the only thing keeping me going for 60 years. At this point I think it would take too much energy to learn a new coping mechanism, even if it is healthier.
I grew up in an abusive home and have been doing this all of my life. I’m 58 yrs old and my best friend, who has known me since I was 20 will say “Remember this or that?” And I will have no clue what he is talking about. Thankfully he has a Master’s degree in Psychology; knows my history; and recognized this early on in our relationship so he understands why I do this. If I am stressed or have a negative experience, I will block days, weeks, or even months on either side of that time period just to make sure I don’t have any memory of it. My entire life is filled with gaps where I cannot recall anything that was going on during certain times, especially my childhood years. It feels like my brain does a control+alt+del when I don’t want to deal with something It’s very frustrating. I feel like I have spent most of my life on Autopilot. 😟
What's the difference between procrastination from dissociation and executive dysfunction? I've read the latter described as a freeze state too, i'm not clear on the difference.
Want good advice save your money for vacation,family or retirement find something you love doing and someone who loves you rest is getting up everyday and doing the best you can everyday and don't worry about what you can't control
God damn it. Thank you. Waiting for the next part. I learned to dissociate at 5, when the school dentist practiced fillings on the kids. No numbing, no injections, just high speed drilling and the smell of bone. I don't know how many sessions it was, but all my baby molars were metal before other adults found out. Then there was the 10 years of unsafe home environment and violence from 4 ro 14. These nuggets you reveal are eye-opening, providing a glimpse of a perspective I've never been able to see but have always known.
I can definitely relate. I discovered this was happening with my therapist. We reger to it as "when I'm sleeping". Ever since I am aware I noticed that it happens muchore than I thought and them I try to stay "awake". It's not easy and I am practicing. Procrastinating is the next thing I really have an issue with constantly. I really look forward to hear how you manage this for yourself❤
Thank you for this. I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and I frequently disassociate since I frequently dislocate/sublaxate joints. My husband is a combat veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan and still an active duty soldier and now nurse instead of combat medic. THANK YOU for clearing explaining so I can share this with him and he can better understand his patients, fellow soldiers, spouse, and self. I've been physically carrying trauma since my dad died from cancer 13 years ago and I dislocated my hip 6 years ago. You explained the physical aspect of trauma so well. Last month I got a massage gun like my chiropractor uses and 2 hours of massaging just my hip, jaw, and feet (plantar faciatis from the stress and tension of trauma) had me crying from the released tension and working through traumas I'd forgotten about. I wish I'd gotten a massager a decade ago! Healing is hard, a process, and a journey forward towards a new, different life; not trying to redo the past or go back to how things were before. Thank you for helping us all begin to heal! ❤
So glad i saw this. No childhood memories. And totally stuck now that i am in major empty nest transition at 76. Good to know there are ways out. So procrastinating. Great. Thx❤
I’m learning so much about dissociation, for myself and my dad from so much trauma and traumatic grief. Since my daughter moved to another dimension many call heaven, nothing has been the same. I do freeze, my words don’t work, I have short memory loss when that happens too …….. I even faint. I have learned that is vagus nerve damage. Vascovagal syncope I learned. My cPTSD and BPD diagnosis was wrongly diagnosed until 2022. Thank you so much for helping me inner stand on a deeper level.
I 💯 % relate to everything you said in this video. I had 3 or 4 extreme episodes of dissociation where I completely blacked out for some parts then other parts I do remember but it was like you described, as if I was watching as a 3rd person rather than 1st person. It took me a long time to finally come to the conclusion it may very likely have been disassociation, and even then I wasn’t sure. But after hearing you talk about the memory loss and the “being stuck” thing, I am positive this is what it is. I am very thankful for you sharing this!!
Thank you for opening up your own story with us. I especially appreciate that you didn't feel the need to embellish your childhood experience bc it is so true that constant family chaos is, in itself traumatic. I have these symptoms too plus another one which ive been told is a symptom of disassociation. Whenever i'm in one of those "going through the motions" states, if anyone interrupts me i will scream like ive been tazed. This is the one thing id give anything to change. It is mortifying especially since often, when it happens these folks take it as my reaction TO THEM, PERSONALLY. (As i sheepishly try to explain 'im so sorry! Its not you, i'm just easily startled, i even react to my own mom this way') Infact, it so negatively effects my life that during my first semester away at college it changed my entire academic trajectory. It happened as i was studying in the college library. The librarian approached me from behind to whisper "were closing in 15 minutes" and i screamed so loud that i was barred from the library & my dean was even made aware of the incident & called me to his office first thing the next am to scold me & tell me my "uncalled for outburst at Library staff" had just put my scholarship at risk. I was crushed, embarrassed & didn't want to show my face ESPECIALLY bc they were so sure i was pulling some sort of stunt & just didn't want to believe any of my 'excuses' I sought help w the campus councilor office & ironed everything out and while doing so found out that the root cause of this condition, trauma induced disassociation. I (alarmingly easily & frequently) put myself into a self hypnotized state (where my brain waves actually change) just to "get through" difficult things, or things that demand alot of concentration so that when i'm disturbed during this state it is like being ripped out of another world & my terrified reactions simply reflect the shock that these minor disturbances have on the actual physical brain wave state changing back to full consciousness...
Totally agree with everything you are talking about. I have been in therapy for these symptoms since 2013. Why doesn't my Dr or psychologist ever mention that I relate to this disorder. She just tells me I'm pretty much mentally handicapped.
I have been wondering the same about drs, therapist's! How can they not acknowledge what is happening...it's so wrong! I've dealt with this to different degrees for my entire life, and it's been long 😉. I'm so glad I've stumbled upon the true nature of my problem so that I can heal. Praying for us all! 🫂
I hold my body so tightly that I am sore all the time. Like Leg day at the gym. Procrastinating is my thing. I look forward to the day I welcome my body back into my life. For now, there is too much physical pain.
remember trying to force myself to cry when younger... was so numb & disconnected from everything, hoped if i could just cry maybe that'd flip the switch back... my stomach would churn with pain but no tears would fall so glad more folks have started talking about freeze & fawn as those have always tended to be where i live, sometime flight but almost never fight. unfortunately "regulated" is sorta rare too 🥴
I would share with you a few other hints, as I suffered from life long depression: When you talk, your own voice may appear strange and weird. You feel cold all the time, because of the aforementioned muscular tension. Overthinking: You can't stop your mind fantazising about the implications or consequences of everything that you experience, even brushing your teeth. You feel like an alien or a zombie. The disconnect from reality leads to feeling like a dead object. Addiction to extreme sensations and emotions in order to make you feel alive. I hope it helps
It's very curious to me that some of these symptoms are quite similar to ADHD symptoms, particularly the memory loss and chronic procrastination. I am diagnosed with both ADHD and generalized anxiety. I can also relate to the sore/tight muscles, especially in my neck, due to my anxiety. Lately, I've seen discussions saying there may be a link between ADHD and childhood trauma, but I don't know enough about it to know what to think. Is this a subject you might be interested in speaking on? There have only been a couple times I have dissociated, but most of the time for me in stressful situations, I get highly anxious and have panic attacks instead. Thanks to CBT, I learned I have to get away from the situation, meditate, and/or go on a long walk when that happens. Thank you for this free information, you're a blessing. ❤️
I have had these signs ever since I can remember. I’ve even been to therapists over the years who never explained things as simply as you have. THANK YOU FOR THIS. Can’t wait for next video!! ❤
The chronic procrastination part really hit me. I am always so critical about me not being able to do things and even harshly telling myself that I would never be able to achieve anything. Your video really helped me realize more that I am in the right path towards healing so thank you so much for this ❤️ Also, I have subscribed and I think I'll be in RU-vid for a while watching your other videos 😊
Wow, this actually explains so much about me, it’s freaky! But it’s also good to get some answers to why I feel certain ways. (Also it’s such a strange paring to be dissociative and suicidal, cause one half is helping with survival and the other is trying not to survive. The brain is a silly thing)
I didn't know procrastination was a sign of dissociating! I have done this all my life! I remember waiting until the night before to get reports written from 6th grade through college! When my children were toddlers, I set the alarm for 2 hours before their dad got home from work, and would deep clean every day! They are NEAT FREAKS!😅 Doom scrolling. Good heavens! I start at 8am and stop at midnight, or sometimes 2am. I'm 60 now. The days are wasted, and so's my life. 😢
wow!! this is amazing!! I've always wondered why I don't remember anything from childhood. This video changes my whole perspective of life!!! I see all the signs that you explain here... waiting for your new video for treating this. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
Omg.. Me. Through and through. *teary* So good to hear there are reasons why I have been feeling like this. Thank you so much. I look forward to what you will be sharing on how to grow through it.
Nah..."Freeze" is a Pre-Fight/Flight response. It's what we do before we choose which response we're going to do. "Fawn" is ONLY ever used with people with whom we have a relationship, someone we know or have built a rapport. "Fawn" is NEVER used with a non-human animal or non-animate object, like a weapon or similar.
