These Charming Qualities Are Actually Major RED FLAGS 

This sentence is great " if you don't feel enough yet ; you are going to be attracting a person that somehow is going to make you feel not enough "

Our culture has taught us to be attracted to "passion" which is a code word for "drama/ toxicity". True love is boring aka stable and caring

In Beauty and the Beast, to Belle’s credit, she runs away from the monster. She only falls in love with him after he changes. Contrary to popular interpretation, Belle does not try to change the Beast. She rejects him. Even as he tries to pursue her because he is trying to use her to break the curse, she rejects him. Her love does not change him. Her rejection does. The Beast eventually voluntarily and genuinely changes - becomes civilized, caring, and self sacrificing. But she doesn’t make him change - he chooses it. And only after he has changed, she enters a relationship with him. There’s a grey zone there where the Beast was trying to improve… and in so long as he was doing this Belle stuck around as a friend. She only fell for him after she saw he had really changed. But the nuance is too fine for children and all they see is that if they take a chance on a Beast they may get a prince. The real message is that you should run away from Beasts, and only give them a chance once they’ve become better people.

A good man doesn’t have to be BORING!!! My husband makes me laugh all day everyday. Ladies do not settle for boring or toxic men!! Good men are out there but you have to be the best version of yourself!! You need to learn how to put yourself first, and the right man will come along with all the qualities you have always wanted and more. The healthiest relationship has unconditional love, passion and security. Don’t settle ❤

A loving relationship is supposed to feel safe and calm. It's not to provide constant entertainment or non-stop dopamine hits. Chemistry and "spark" are false signals mistaken for love. I've learned not to seek excitement in people. Hobbies and interests bring me excitement and joy. Experiences I share with my husband and other friends, like traveling or watching movies, are my fun. I never put pressure on anyone to be my entertainment though and I don't expect to be constantly entertaining others either.

Look for the person that brings YOU peace, he'll be the one that listens to your fears instead of ridiculing them

In my experience, you have to basically get over falling in love, be alone for a bit, focus on yourself, a passion or improving something. When you are no longer hung up on anyone you will know what you need and look for that person. There are soooo many ppl on dating apps that are looking to use someone to get over someone else. How can that be right? You will suffer your whole life if you don't at least once give yourself time to get to know who you are and learn to love that person first.

I think falling in love should be a combination between exitement, a healthy one, and a feeling of calmness and safety. And if you feel that some guy is boring, you shouldn't say to yourself "oh that means that is a healthy guy. I should be with him." Instead of ghat you should leave him cause he deserves someone that is 100 percent sure that wants to be with him same respect that you deserve to receive.

People mistake drama-free for "boring". There is excitement that is drama-free, but some people learned that drama = the most excitement 🙈

All the negative videos on red flags, narcissism, what to avoid, all of this is keeping me single. Please give us hope, positive, uplifting videos.

Martha was so articulate, clear and concise. Absolutely loved every minute of this session.❤

This was honestly so helpful! I came out of an unhealthy relationship recently and a psychologist friend of mine mentioned that I should look internally about why I’m attracted to narcissistic traits. Since then, I’ve been working on myself and my past wounds but I’ve been so hesitant to allow myself to be attracted to others as I felt like I couldn’t trust my attraction now. It’s nice to hear that it’s possible to recognise and be attracted to healthy traits.

Excellent podcast. Any new relationship is tricky. Many people have normalized toxic behavior and relationships. Don't collect red flags.

Thank you all for watching everyone! This was an incredible conversation with Martha. She was insightful, kind, and has done so much work on herself which is evident in her energy. I’m really excited for all of you to see it. And thank you for joining us in the Love Life Club Martha! FYI full interview and exclusive member Q & A with Martha can be found in the Love Life Club app. Visit www.JoinLoveLife.com to get a 14 day free trial membership and access it and much more.

Amazing talk! You can see the joy and authenticity shining through Marta's eyes when you watch her talk. She has vulnerability, self reflection and emotional maturity giving her a glow that only true soul healing gives. What a blessing and encouragement to those of us who are making the same journey to see it is possible to overcome our past wounds and find true acceptance and fulfillment on the other side. Thank you Marta for showing us how you went from victim to victorious!

So insightful and on point! We seek what we're familiar with, and until we heal from what we learned from our early childhood, we're going to pass by the potential partners who can be good for us because they're either perceived as boring or for whom we have "no chemistry", or we attract the ones who will love us and leave us. Such a great lesson!

We repeat dysfunctional patterns in our intimate partner relationships when we haven't integrated our trauma (repetition compulsion and trauma reenactment); the reason why we are attracted to certain types of people is because they feel familiar to our nervous system (i.e. strong chemistry). Even when on a cognitive level we acknowledge red flags, we ignore them and repeat the same pattern over and over until we rewire our nervous system and create a new pattern through e.g. psychotherapy/somatic experience therapy/Neuroaffective Psychotherapy. Repetition compulsion usually stems from a familiar dynamic of our childhood. And our relationship with our primary caregivers become the blueprint of our relationships throughout our lives unless we embody a different nervous system.

My GF of 6 months left me because she didnt feel "the spark" (aka chemistry) between us. Although we hadnt had any fights or major values disagreements (we had same views on world, same plans for the future etc...), we laughed, had great time, cuddled, I was attentive, wanted the best for her and for us, everything seemed to be great. One day she just told me that we should break up because she didnt feel the same "chemistry" as she had in her previous relationship. I think this was exactly what Martha was saying. She (maybe) wanted to feel the old feeling, have someone who showed her that she was not enough

I agree and relate SO MUCH to all that she said. Esp when she said there were good men that she thought were boring but It made me come to alot of realizations when she talked about her parents. My mom was 19 and dad was 22 and I experienced alot of the same and interpreted love in that way as a younger woman. It wasn't that they were boring, it was a me problem and what I experienced with seeing my parents interactions. Also, same interpretation as being called alot and told early on "I love you" were taken as someone who loved you but coming out of the relationship realized alot of what I went through and interpreted as love was actually control.

Martha is incredible. So much presence and self awareness. It's important to see when the only red flag in the relationships is you!

I love the way Matt was so careful and polite. He is acting soft and you can sense the difference in his talking. Like making sure she understand and feel comfortable. She gorgeous and intelligent. Congratulations

Muchas felicidades Martha 🎉 súper fan de tus podcasts y ahora con este crossover wow 👏 que sigan los éxitos

Martha you are absolutely amazing you have given me more insight into what I have been doing repeating patterns and it makes sense. I’ve lived an exciting life I am a singer on stage I work on a TV show but my mother died an alcoholic and I somehow end up meeting men who have a drinking problem even if it doesn’t show up in the beginning it’s there and I realize that was the issue my mother had and that was never love because an addict can’t show love and they’re normally also narcissists and self-absorbed and somehow not available. As I break up with this man for the second time I realize it was the chemistry that was the attraction but he’s just fundamentally not a good person and I’m a really good person , I dont drink and I deserve and shall seek and find a good person by walking away from a bad toxic person.amen.

This was such a great and insightful interview. I love some of the similairities that i have with Martha, and I love her energy that she brings to the talk. Thank you so much Matt for bring Martha on, and thank you Martha for sharing your wisdom with us. I love the comedic wisdom. ❤

Thank you for posting this. The timing of this was great!

This is pretty insightful. The guy I'm dating told me he loved me since the 2nd week of knowing him. I told him that's lust but he's adamant on how he feels. I was in a narcissistic relationship for 6 years prior so I've been testing and watching his actions. This video really puts things into better perspective for me when she mentioned the person was calling her 6 times a day out of love

This was so helpful. Many parts of our behavior comes from childhood. Thanks Matthew for choosing the right guests!

The beauty and the beast story she mentioned is like being or having Messiah Complex. Feeling like you can change the person for better.

Yes, rescuing is a terrible bypass to self-healing. There is a greater problem in all of this rhetoric of over-correction. The opposite of enmeshment isn't counter-dependence (i.e. strong independence). We are social animals. Experience shapes the soul. The purpose of a relationship is for two people to openly and actively shape the soul.

Wowwwwow, I was searching and searching for a video like this yesterday And the moment I log onto this video was the first thing that popped up. Much needed, thank you❤

I loved it!!! Never imagined you guys know each other!!! Thank you ❤

Awe such a great interview! Wsh i cud watch more. ❤

Perfect timing for me to hear this confirmation for me 🙌🏻

Appreciate your content, Matt! 😊 I like Martha's Beauty and the Beast breakdown. My aunt always taught us to never take a guy and try to change or fix him and spiff him up because you'll be doing so for his next woman. Then you'll have the nerve to get mad at him when he leaves you for her. You'll list all the things you've done and why you don't deserve to be treated this way; all the blood, sweat and tears you poured into him. Hopefully, you'll realize, he never asked you to do those things. Wouldn't it be cool if we would pour that same energy into ourselves?

Marta is a beautiful person. I think she had an avoidant attachment style before, now I see that she healed. It’s a blessing ☀️🦋

I just had finished every contact with a man I met on fb, we talked for 11 days, had 4 dates. 8 days now since no contact. On our 1st date he told me he loves me. It was a red flag to me. I told him, please don't tell me that, it is lust what you feel. He got annoyed and said, don't tell me what I feel. Every day he kept telling me I love you so much. I miss you. He wanted future with me immediately. Talked about us living together, buying a house. In 1 month we will be in a relationship....but he pushed me very hard to have sex with him. I refused to have sex so early. I told him please be patient with me. We need to know each other more....before sex. He was extremely clingy on me physically. Asking me many times, do you need me! On the 4th date he broke up with me, with very hurtful words to me. He doesn't want to waste his emotions on me anymore, because I don't give him what he needs, sex. That I probably can't handle younger man, because of my age 45. He is 35. Because I don't have energy for him. I'm single mother with 2 teenage kids, solo custody. He told me we can stay friends but no relationship. I felt him as very insecure man, 40 lb overweight. He told me he wants to be loved and needed. I finished with him. No friends. Next day he texted me, apologized for the harsh conversation. Saying, I am so sorry, I couldn't sleep all night myself. I just want to apologize. And he sent me Facebook friend request. I didn't accept him. I blocked him. I am still healing from the hurt he caused me. He showed me many red flags during 11 days.

All my fav people are getting together like Magic ❤, what Martha describes she went through looks so much to where i am in my Life now, trying to take responsability for my mistakes and heal , loving and working on myself ❤

This is a great video thank you! I feel her pain I am exactly that girl and had to do that same deep dive and I have to say I 💯 agree with this.

Hi! I’m from Mexico the same as Martha and I have to say that I love your pronunciation of her name, beautiful

Martha is so engaging and beautiful! Great points touched on in this clip!

omg some amazing insight here... she put the worth and the universe helping you heal part so poignantly, it touched me.

This was helpful ❤thank you!

Matt, you are glowing so much right now. Radiating such a confidence.

Hey Mat I have to say thank you so much for this. I would love to see you and Dr Ramani have a show. I think you two are amazing. And it has helped me through a lot. ❤❤

Wow!!! This makes a lot of sense! Thank you!!

I love Martha ❤ this is a great advise for our self in the past, that’s what happened to me, I had to heal myself to be in peace with myself and later on I met my great partner who I haven’t meet or match before. 💞🌸

That was like a wake up call when she used the story of beauty and the beast, wow! I got goosebumps because that really did hit the home run. Thx, Matthew for bringing an incredible guest who’s incredibly beautiful and intelligent. Victoria 🌷

amazing.. So many points were valid in this video..

Thank you so much for this dialogue ❤ what is her name? I love to follow her and her more of her way of speaking and what she is telling

This is a recurring theme for me, I somehow attract people that are broken and I know I can't help them if they don't wanna help themselves, so it always leads nowhere. It's not that I seek these kinds of people, it's just that for some reason those are the only ones interested in me. Obviously I have issues myself that I am working on, but to me it seems that many people are not willing to work on theirs for some reason.

Love this interview! Thank you!!!❤️

Thanks for all of you all advice♥️♥️

Thanks for the Disney part, from a child of the 90s, it is now clear to me the amount of "promotion of codependent behaviours" we had through social conditioning (movies). That was scary with the eyes of now and totally normalized back then.

Really not loving that when Matthew has a woman on these clips, he does not cite their name in the title. However, when he interviews a man, he does. It screams, "I don't value women's intellectual input so I don't give them proper credit." Put their damn name in the title (including the video with your own girlfriend) like with Jay Shetty, Matthew McConaughey and other men interviewed! 🤢

She is very wise and the phenomenons she is speaking of are actually exactly what I’ve been working on with my life coach this year.

I am glad you are saying this are red flags. Even my therapists told me that a guy that immediately wants to be serious is good... instead I think os huge red flag. I have been there before I can confirm 👍

I have to say, my experience has been very similar. My parents married in their early 20’s, I was first born. Very hostile and that’s just what I was exposed to. I sabotaged a great relationship, not because of her but because of me and what I knew. Very sad and heartbreaking but it’s refreshing to hear her talk about it. It helps me understand why things ended up the way they did.

OMG! The analogy of beauty and the beast! So true!!! It has to change for every woman and every little girl!

I love that point about how movies teach us ladies the wrong ideas about love. So damaging to young girls. Twilight for example!

Just went through this. Just started coming over to my place, told me she loved me after a few weeks. I said it back but wasnt sure it was so fast. Then she basically moved in and I was her trauma/drama drop-box and she had a base to figure her messy life out. I was set to move overseas and she expressed wanting to go with me. But when I left for a few weeks everything just flipped and got weird and fights started happening. Then she called and voice all these reservations about things and dumped me the first hour I got back to my place (which I let her use for free). We were best friends and it broke me. I'm still left confused and sad.

Beautiful, Martha and Matthew!

Yes! Beauty and the Beast was my fav since the 90s!!! I am a recovering co dependent with list of addict partners. I do see that story like that now.... it's crazy

Love it! ❤ Bravo martha! 🎉

I sabotaged every possible good guy relationship cause I was and will probably forever be hung up on the "love bomber" NPD who was totally toxic. It's insane, but I'm currently on the healing path. Thank goodness. Just wish I had figured it out years ago and not missed out on all of these wonderful people.

She is amaizing! Great you have it !!👏🏼👏🏼

I was binge watching telly the other day (almost never do it), and I bumped into a snippet of that "Fifty Shades of ..." whatever movie. I know it was a huge hit, so I was curious. I endured maybe ten minutes. The guy, I guess already the heroine's husband at that point was throwing a hissy fit over the fact that his wife "dared" to go have a drink with her bestie after work. "I did not know where you were!!! I felt completely helpless" - he said, or something to that effect. I am 49, divorced, but if someone did that to me, I would run to the Arctic without a backward glance. No doubt: Hollywood romanticizes abusive relationships. Very concerning.

The last part hit me. My ex would constantly text to "check in" I thought wow he cares for me so much. Turns out it was control😢 he needed to know where I was, what I was doing and who I was with every second of every day

Why we don't see Beauty and the Beast (one of my fav movie) like this: Beauty, she is pretty of course, but she is also very smart, read a lot of books, she is ambitious and she didn't want Gaston (narcist, violent, but handsome walking red flag xd). She fell in love with the Beast at the end of their ,,journey". She saw in him good treats and sensitive side (not pretty words, but actions). She told Him ,,I love You", when he was dying after he let her free despite the curse. But of course it is only my opinion and my view at this story :)

Espectacular Martha como siempre ❤

Very correct what Marta said about messages

I accidentally deactivated my account. I’m hoping this note is forwarded to Matthews team. Thank you! 😊

Hi coach good evening 🎉

Jesus. Only 6mins in and the beauty and the beast bit describes my recent ex perfectly.

Her voice is so calming and beautiful 😌

She’s pretty amazing . Great interview , a very wise women ❤

Altered Carbon... that's where I recognize her! Awesome!!!!

I’d like to understand more how to shift the mindset from attracting “chemistry aka toxicity “ type relationships to high value relationship (and shifting from the old feeling )

HAHAHAHHAH HTF IS MARTHA HIGAREDA IN YOUR PODCAST BRO HAHAHAHAHAH I LOVE THIS!!

Good one

What an amazing point she makes.

The energy of Martha speaks for herself! She is amazing

Hi Matt, Thanks for this amazing interview. Could you please advise on what it means when a guy say "I'm not a nice person" when you're getting to know them? Why would demesne say that?, should they be putting their best foot forward?

It’s complicated. “Connected love” seems to have a fine line between real deep interest in the person while missing the red flags. It’s such a fine line…

Brilliant ❤

Hi Matt Please make a video about where we should meet someone. It’s been 1 year that I use dating app but no luck. Why men ghost me after they match? 🤦‍♀️

i watched her netflix movie..loved it!

Oh Martha, no lo esperaba en este canal.

Ohhhh my God! Marthita!

About this self-love, I think every human being on this planet (besides the Dalai Lama) can't really truly fully love themselves to the point where they feel no need for a partner. Everyone wants a partner and a relationship, someone to love them. I've been loving myself for the past 7 yrs, and I still have not had a relationship or anyone to call my boyfriend. So it's getting really annoying hearing people talk about how you need to love yourself first before finding the right partner, but I think most people find their significant other even when they don't fully love themselves anyway. That saying is getting a little too cliche.

Hi Matthew is there any chance or way to get a private sessions with you?

after heartbreaks i develop habits that change me for the better, and these habit DONT go away after a few years...

I have to say something about that last part. I have recently met a younger women in Cuba who I fallen in love with. I am being very sincere and not trying to be controlling. I think about this girl all day and want to know what she is doing everyday. I am not out to control her life in anyway and I genuinely care for her. I have met most of her family and they are all such beautiful people. I want the best for her and I want her to be happy.

I disagree. I had attracted a narc but I didn’t have any butterflies at the beginning or later. He was boring af and stupid sometimes. But then. , with me he started to jump over his level, being the best version of himself, I fell in love with his attitude. Later, he revealed himself. He was my mirror ( and thus started to be kind and empathetic) now he dumped me getting back to his self, mixing with strange irresponsible friends, betraying God, lying, breaking promises, being aloof etc. So abusive relationship doesn’t necessarily start with butterflies or libido attraction

Martha is amazing❤

Ohh this is THE Martha 😍☺️

Was just having this conversation last night. Two predatory formers were at an event yesterday and although the breakup with one was three years ago and was horrid, instead of my ex mingling with internationals so he can keep climbing the ladder of power, he was spending all his time at my side trying to get me to pay attention to him. I asked my friend, why? My friend said he probably saw my other ex talking to me and decided, “oh no you don’t! She’s MY toy to manipulate and play with. MINE.” Luckily I was able to leave the event unscathed by either. 😅 The beast saving the beauty from the pack of wolves- that’s the beast saying “oh no you don’t, that’s MY dinner. MINE”

In order to change ur lebido, if u attracted to toxic person, next time if anyone treat u the way makes uncomfortable and doubtful just pull the plug right away w/o any explanations, slowly u will see ppl around u who want you for who u are and u will be attracted to a person who is right for you! Its a process but its possible!

It's crazy 😮 I absolutely love beauty and the beast. The types of people that I attract... 😅 shit but I also read a lot of romance novels and all the different love comedies and such... got some more work to do. 😊

The best person who has described beauty and the beast is Jordan Paterson his version of that and what you can learn from beauty and the beast in real life is interesting.

El multiverso existe jeje,excelente entrevista.