giving my ex his ring back 💍 r/AITA 

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I don’t understand why there should be a difference between credit card fraud by a stranger (which you clearly would report to the police) and credit card fraud by a family member. 🤷‍♀️

As someone with a nurse as a mom and who has worked in medical research, I have to disagree with you a little bit on the 2nd one. 1. Allergies aren't always genetic; my mom is allergic to cats, but I have 3 cats, no problem, and my fraternal twin sister has dealt with many food allergies or sensitivities while I have no dietary restrictions. 2. A headache and constipation aren't an allergic reaction, they're side effects; the reason doctors ask you if you're allergic to certain drugs is because they want to avoid anaphylactic shock. While mom may have had good intentions, OP is right in that they've been lying to healthcare workers and placing a bit of a burden on them needlessly for years. The better way the mom could've handled it would've been asking "I dealt with these negative side effects with these drugs; how likely are my children going to experience that, and could that become an allergy?"

14:00 im not a parent but my rule of thumb and my parents was always “if they are old enough to ask, they are old enough to get an answer”

For the sulfa drugs, I do not agree with your verdict. Sulfa drugs are not a "brand" of drugs - it is a type of antibiotics. For some infections (especially some bacteria, with resistance to other common antibiotics), there is not a good alternative to sulfa drugs, if you don't want to use a really "potent" type of antibiotic. Why does this matter? Because those "potent" antibiotics should ONLY be used when no other options are possible , as the use of them promote development of more multi-resistent bacteria in the world. So yes, it is a VERY bad thing to lie about - Mom was putting her child at risk, and potentially contributing to antibiotic-resistance.

Ah yes, the fastest way to lose something: Putting it in a safe place so you won't lose it😂

I think OP in the credit card story would still be NTA without the backstory. Calling the police on a parent who has stolen money from you is maybe a harsh course of action, but not a wrong one.

Teachable moment: there is a difference between an allergy and a side effect/adverse reaction. Its important to make the distinction. 😊

I disagree with the sulphur drugs one. 1. From what we were told even the mother doesn't know if she herself is allergic. Allergy against those medicine is mostly skin and rash related, bowel disfunction is a sideeffect (not only from sulphur drugs, but many, many antibiotics). Sure, the mother should avoid medicine that causes her sideeffects, but she shows that she neither understood what happened to her nor did she really talk to any health provider. Like... what did her doctor say about the sideeffects? Did she talk to them about her children, too? Or did she just demonise the medicine and because mother knows best? 2. My mother is lightly allergic against penicillin and she made sure that on my info penicillin allergy was added, too. I am not allergic at all, I was tested, but since it was in my data, it made getting antibiotics for my tooth pain extremely difficult, because many bone penetrating antibiotics are based on penicillin. So getting adequate healthcare was a hassle for me, while I was in one of the worst pains in my life. And from that perspective, I cannot really take what the mother said as something it was for the wellbeing of her child, but instead as something inherently distrustful of medicine as a whole.

With the 6 year old, I think (in a typically normative scenario) the moment a child is old enough to ask questions, they are old enough to be given answers. It doesn't need to be the whole story, but they should should be told something.

Re 6yo with questions: I taught sex ed for 6 years, if a kid is old enough to ask the question, they are old enough for an (age appropriate) answer. Most confusion about relationships comes from being dismissed/told a falsehood/told is doesn't matter. Kids will keep asking and if you don't answer, someone else will and they may get misinformation.

From the sound of it the mother didn't have an allergic reaction, she had common side effects from antibiotics. My mother is allergic to penicillin and related antibiotics, she has ended in intensive care for weeks when given them. It means she often has to take different antibiotics that are less effective over longer periods of time or stronger antibiotics that can have more severe side effects or are more expensive. It's really important to know your allergies. OP does need to make sure she has a conversation with her mother to make sure she has an accurate medical history.

My parents divorced when I was a very small child, and I was that little girl whose mother wouldn't say much while her father said everything he could. My mother was taking the moral high ground, because she didn't want my relationship with my father to be impacted by how their marriage had ended. Instead, my father used my mother's dignity to try to drive a wedge between she and I. At that young age, I wasn't ready to hear the details, but looking back I think I should have been told, at least, that my father's actions had been the reason for the divorce.

As someone with actual allergies - shellfish and lidocane (which apparently come from a related protein) - I'm angry on second OP's behalf. Sulfa antibiotics are an entirely common class of drugs, and it's wild to hold them back from two healthy children for no reason besides vague stomach symptoms in a parent. I'm guessing OP is from the States, as this kind of medical neglect is usually only allowed to fly here for "religious reasons", and tends to come from anti-vaccination families. Yes, she's entitled to be upset for being lied to and missing access to proper healthcare. And I can only imagine how stressful it would be to discover this during pregnancy.

I have an allergy to ibuprofen and for me the allergy one made me angry. Most people assume there's viable alternatives, but there have been several times when I've had to get some really unusual medical interventions because of the allergy. If I found out the allergy was made up I'd be pissed!

I was just about to watch an old video, happened to refresh my homepage, and saw this 34 seconds after it uploaded…

I disagree with you on the allergy one. I think OP is NTA and mom is. Constipation and headaches can be side effects of any antibiotic and/or the reason mom needed the antibiotic in the first place. As someone who is allergic to sulfa drugs, I've had times when I've had to wait longer to get a non-sulfa option and/or the non-sulfa was more expensive. Also, bacteria can be resistant to certain antibiotics, and limiting the ones you can take can add unneeded complexity. There are also several drugs related to sulfa antibiotics that aren't an option for someone with a sulfa allergy.

The OP in the last one was absolutely not the drama! There is no way thats the first time mum has treated OP in that way.

I am 19 entire years old and the divorce is still treated as something to discuss when I'm older I mean, it's clear they're far from compatible, but there's always this Unspeakable Evil that happened that I'll be told "when I'm older" From that perspective, hearing that kid was 6 was a shock lol

When a child is old enough to ask the question, they are old enough to get some kind of answer.

I agree with you on the 3rd one, and I like that you shared your personal experience. When you were reading the scenario, I could hear the OB/GYN RU-vidr Mama Dr. Jones in my head when talking about sex ed: "If they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to understand."

The last one blows my mind, my mum doesn’t even like using my card when I’ve asked her to get me a few things from the shop when I’m sick let alone stealing my card 😱

The mom only has herself to blame in the case of the divorce and being seen as the villian. They've been divorced for 5 years meaning that the daughter was one when they split so bringing up that he was in a relationship when she was 1 vs you being in a long term relationship when she's 4 to 6 and much more aware are not the same thing. Also the fact that she's given ZERO details in the story as to the reason and she wants desperately for her daughter not to know leads me to believe that she's not innocent in the split. The fact that she won't even sit down the with daughter and make it clear that there is zero chance of mom and dad getting back together is the reason that her relationship with potential step dad is suffering.

with the parents having differing opinions on what should be communicated about their separation, I have to say I don't understand why people feel the need to withhold things from their kids as long as it's put in an age appropriate context. Growing up, i absolutely hated hearing, "Because I said so." or "I'll tell you when you're older." as it only served to make me anxious about situations being left in the dark or I simply didn't understand why things had to be the way they were. I can't tell you how many times I heard "Because I said so." when I asked why I couldn't do something and my tiny child mind went, "That's not a reason so I'm going to do the thing when no one's looking." I also asked at a very young age why my parents had divorced and appreciated that both of my parents were able to tell me that they just couldn't get along anymore. That they stopped loving one another and that it was never my fault. (The truth of it was far more complicated, but those were terms I could understand and accept.) There were no unrealistic expectations that my parents would get back together and it was easier for me to accept the partners of both of my parents when each moved on. When I became a parent, I was very conscious to openly communicate with my children. If they ask questions, they get age appropriate answers to allow them to understand what's going on in the world around them. If I correct a behavior, I explain why the behavior is being corrected. "This is dangerous. You could get hurt and I'd like to keep you safe." for example. I've fostered open and honest communication from the time verbal communication was possible. They've grown into well adjusted and well behaved teenagers because they understand that when I tell them something, there's a reason for it and they can ask that reason and get an honest answer. When they're in trouble, I'm safe to talk to and I'll help them. They also know that if they're honest when they make mistakes, the consequences are lighter than if they lie or try to hide it. And they know that if they have questions about our family dynamics, they will be told the truth in a measured and easy to understand manner. Good communication and honesty are valuable tools for building good relationships with your kids both when they're small and as they get older. I can't fathom why some people feel like these principals should be disregarded in the name of sheltering their kids from truths, even if those truths aren't always pleasant. As a parent, I like to think that I can own my mistakes and learn from them and use them as teachable moments if my kids ask about them.

about the medical mother: I would be pissed about something like that as well and thought a little about why that is... I think it's 1. just being lied to about something kinda unimportant - how about the important stuff? 2. being lied to about medical stuff generally feels like a bad idea, because you never know how it might affect another person in a specific situation - and raises some red flags about quacky stuff, tbh 3. there's an easy way around it; just say what the commenters mother said ("I had an allergic reaction (or in this case: bad side effects) and I am worried it might be the same for my child") and there is no harm done, doctors can react acordingly and maybe test if there is a need so it seems just wrong and needless to lie about it, I guess.

That last one with the thief druggie mom needs to go no contact with her mom. She'll do it again and next time might take something else of value and even steal any medication she finds. Don't let her in your house. Tell her "You STOLE from me.I said no and you took MY property and STOLE from me. You don't get to do that". Don't put up with that.

I label my boxes and when I want to know what I put in the boxes without digging them out and opening them I have a list made of what is in each box. Those lists are stored on my bookshelf in a binder. So if I need to find something I put away so long ago I just pull out the binder and look at the lists, find the box label, then go find the box (most of my personal storage boxes are in my bedroom. House storage boxes are in places like the closets and laundry room storage area). So for me the worst part of finding something is finding the box in the closets but I always know what's in each box.

I liked the change to "drama" but i feel it has become a bit too literal. In the allergy story nothing particularly dramatic happened, but OP is asking if they're in the right to feel annoyed. NDH doesn't do anything to address that. And in the credit card story, going to the police may be "dramatic", but their mom broke the law and stole from them. Maybe in an ideal world they could resolve things outside of the criminal justice system, but OP is still the victim. Are we really going to say they are wrong to report it and take steps to prevent it from happening again?

I feel the mom made an okay choice for when they were kids, BUT by the time the op and her brother were teenagers, she should have cleared it up that it was a maybe.

On the 3rd on YTA, I was a child of divorce and one side didn't tell me what was going on while my mom was moving, I felt hurt, in the dark, and like my mom didn't love me. If you don't tell a kid why their parents split I feel like most will feel like they were the reason. The argument of "this is a conversation for adults, not a child" doesn't work because the child is involved in this situation and leaving them in the dark is unfair. If the reason for splitting is a topic not suitable for children (an abusive relationship or cheating and the such) give a child friendly version. (For example if it's an abusive relationship say they were mean to me/didn't treat me kindly) Multiple times OP used wording that blamed their child for being upset which isn't fair because it's a problem OP created, It also didn't sound like Ex husband said anything to ruin OP's image, they did that to themselves by keeping information from their kid.

People need to stop saying they have an allergy when it is actually an adverse reaction or intolerance. Severe allergies are life threatening and having constipation and a headache, whilst unpleasant, is not the same as not being able to breathe!

Just a little food for thought! You tend to talk about whether or not people have the right to feel some type of way about something. I think that, given your approach is very empathetic otherwise, you are not communicating what you're hoping to communicate with this language. People may have any feeling about anything at any time. All emotional responses come from a place in the brain and body. So I think that the question of if the emotion is justified is inherently a little shaming and invalidating. I do think that asking if an emotional response is reasonable, gets us closer to an empathetic space. If I stub my toe and get so angry that I punch my fist through the wall, that emotion came from somewhere in my brain and body and was a real thing that I felt, but my reaction to having the emotion was very unreasonable. This shift centers the reaction instead of something deep or inherent within the human. I don't know, maybe this is just an issue of semantics, but I figured I'd throw it out there..

Gotta love ADHD safe. It’s so safe you don’t even remember where you put it. The ex must not know about this part of ADHD. I have done proper searchers for something just to get frustrated because I couldn’t find it. Later when not looking I found it in a spot I’d already looked. The only thing OP could have done is told him where the safe spot is just in case.

(for the daughter not telling about the divorce one) I just strongly feel like there are ways to elaborate on difficult or mature topics without getting into the gorey details. We dont know what happened between them but like you said you cant stop outside influences from weighing in and I feel like it breaks down the trust after a while when parents push the "until your older" conversation *too* far. Kids are way smarter than people give credit for and are more aware of their surroundings and environment than we think. Like keeping that conversation open so your kid isnt afraid to come to you to ask questions is important.

For the second one, the mom's reaction wasn't even an allergy, it was just a side effect. Everyone reacts to drugs differently, so there was no reason to assume that her kids would be the same. Still, I understand that the mom was coming from a good place, so I agree, NDH. For Shaaba's information, sulfas are a class of drug, not a brand. No big deal, but now you know.

Let's not assume that the dad in situation #3 is being manipulative. I am not divorced, but my kids do ask me questions about sticky things, and when they ask I answer to the best of my ability. It wouldn't occur to me to not answer a question and check in with my wife before answering to discuss how to answer. I don't think anyone sucks in that situation. The parents obviously have different boundaries about sharing info and that's caused some friction, but I think everyone is trying to do right by the kid, and that matters a lot.

What the credit card mom did was theft. It's clear from the post that there are previous issues between the OP and mom, even if we don't get to know about all of it. OP was in the right to protect herself (because now mom will think twice before doing such a thing again). At first I thought you were being too easy on the mom, but I'm glad you came around to the realization that all the problems were coming from her.

19:20 this pisses me off. My mother told me some things & didn't tell me others, but from her perspective she was being abused There's *no* reason to assume the man here is using abuse tactics *just because he's a man* in my mom's case, she was not using abuse tactics & yes, my dad didn't tell me why they were breaking up. Assuming the woman is always in the right in divorce is a really effed up "benign" sexist argument

Nice ad read. Caught me out for a sec. 👏

omg how have I caught this so early?? I'm excited!

11:01 OH my god absolutely TA, I have had this happen (not with allergies) but I have an issue, go to the doctor to figure it out, then after everything my mom is like "Oh yeah there was this thing when I was younger...." and it's always very frustrating. Especially since my mother had a baby pretty young so with things that involve hormones or puberty she can't give a timeline of when something will stop happening. Super annoying and wastes everyone's time and money, OP is right to be upset over something as serious as an allergy

I feel sorry for the 6-year-old whose mother doesn’t view her as human enough to be given information about the circumstances in her own life (if she is old enough to ASK, she IS old enough to KNOW) and the father who (if OP is not embellishing, since we only have 1 side) does at least view her as worthy of the information but is providing it with secondary motive. My biggest pet peeve in the world is a parent who views their child as a child first and a person second; that is how you get parents like OP who think they are doing the right thing but are just damaging their child in their own arrogance. As for the mother who stole money, throw the book at her. I do not believe in leniency on the basis of family; you do not choose whom you’re born to, so there is nothing special about them over someone you HAVE chosen actively to be in your life. If you would call the cops on an acquaintance for something, you should be willing to call the cops on a relative for the same thing, point blank.

As a medical student, it’s super common for patients to not understand the difference between medication side effects vs allergies, so I wouldn’t be surprised if the mom genuinely didn’t know any better. It’s unfortunate though bc having an allergy to sulfa drugs eliminates a lot of first-line meds that are commonly used for many conditions/situations, so it’s very possible that OP has at some point unnecessarily received suboptimal treatment

i disagree on the second one, yes the mom was trying to protect her kids but she didn't have to lie to them to do that, she could've told them, "i don't want you taking sulfa drugs because i had a negative reaction" there was no reason to lie, and i honestly hate the narrative that lying to kids because you don't think they'll understand the truth is "protecting them" and I would be mad too if i learned something i thought was true my whole life turned out to be a lie even if it wasn't a huge lie

For the sulfa drugs, I agree NDH. However, there have been 18-22 years in which the OP was definitely old enough to get the more specific information about what the concern with sulfa drugs was (somewhere between 14-18 yo would have been the time that I would have expected to have more detail about that), speaks mostly to the two of them needing to have more conversations, and maybe OP needs to check in with their parent about some other things if they feel there is a lot of things they weren't given the full story about. Appreciate that isn't often easy, but we don't have enough detail know what else are going on.

I think if a child is old enough to ask a question, they are old enough to get some kind of an answer. It doesn't have to include every detail, and parts can be simplified for a simpler understanding of the world. If the parent doesn't want to talk about it for emotional reasons, they should be honest about that at the very least. Telling them "you're not old enough" will sound more and more like an excuse and the child will look elsewhere for answers.

Ngl, the intro to that ad read was clean

I made a big stink when you started saying drama instead of A hole but I've since come around on it and would like to apologize for caring. My brain doesnt work right and I am very embarassed that I even cared enough to comment on it. I just needed to get that out, even if no one remembers or cares. Wishing you the best, love your insight. ❤

About the allergy one. What OP's mum is describing is not allegry symptoms, but most likely either an intolerance OR very normal and common side effects. If you look at the info of any drug, it almost always lists headaches and constipation as some of the most common side effects. Mum should have told OP's doctor(when she was little and needed antibiotics) about her own experience and her concerns and the doctor would have told her this info. But because she listed it as an allergy, there was a whole category of meds that OP couldn't take, eventhough she could have needed them which could have potentially been very dangerous.

Being prone to allergies is genetic but specific allergies are not.

So many of these stories involve adults telling their parents/families about interpersonal struggles and then the parents/family jump in on the situation texting or calling the partner/ex if their adult family member - am I the only one who finds this weird? I would be so angry and mortified if I told my mom or brother or friend something bothering me and they called up my partner!! I doubt I’d ever tell them anything again.

imo, op #2 is being ridculous. From a medical pov, if there is a SLIGHTEST chance you could be allergic to something, you avoid it. Fyi, sulfa drugs are antibiotics with added sulfur, which leaves plenty of viable antibiotics for the doc to chose from. op #3-- when my son asked me the "why'd you break up" question, I just said "we couldn't get along and we loved you too much to want you grow up with us fighting all of the time." Easy to understand, truthful and age appropriate.

I developed an allergy to amoxicillin and that makes it so that if I do have some kind of infection, I might end up with an antibiotic that is not as effective as something in the cylin family. I don't know what sulfur drugs do or how the sulfur affects drugs. But she could have been using less effective medications. Then she possibly could have been using if the quote unquote regular ones would have been better.

I had an ex-friend steal money from her child (then a teenager). Ex-friend for a good reason, and the now adult child is low contact.

I thought “lost” was going to be “i pretended to lose.” That was way more chill

Yeah, you're never the drama for reporting a crime that you're a victim of. Does not matter who committed the crime, or what the crime is.

I feel like this has come up before with Shaaba not understanding how big of a deal allergies are. Don't lie to doctors about a potentially very serious medical condition and don't make your kid lie to doctors abut them either. Mother is absolutely TA

What my allergist told me is that predisposition for allergies in general is very much genetic, but the individual allergies themselves are not. So for really common allergies like dust, pollen, some meds, some foods, etc, it can seem much more genetically specific than it really is. Basically, if a parent has a significant allergy, it is worth the effort to use caution when introducing new things to their children, but it's not necessary to avoid those things completely unless the child has also demonstrated a reaction.

I’m sure to lose something if I decide to put it somewhere ‘safe’!

I totally relate to the “I put this somewhere safe but I don’t remember where that is” thing. Also I once changed my rings to another finger in my sleep, lol. For story 2, I am allergic to sulfa drugs. I got hives from one as a kid. No doctor has ever suggested I may have outgrown them. I think they are easy enough to avoid.

Sulfa drugs are a subcategory of antibiotics. My husband actually had a similar experience to OP (although my MIL didn’t intentionally lie about it as far as we know, she just got confused.) So hubby went to the allergist and did the exposure challenge like OP described, and had no reaction whatsoever. As far as we can figure, he developed a rash the first time he was given amoxicillin as a child (which 90% of people do, and then it never happens again) and his mother somehow turned that into a sulfa allergy in her mind.

With the second one, my sister's mother is allergic go strawberries. So my sister, never trying strawberries, just lives under thr assumption that she too is allergic to strawberries. Such a strange way to live.

Literally in the same boat with the Sulfa-Drugs allergy. My mom has always said to list Sulfa and Benzodiazepines, but whenever they ask "what happens" I have no idea what to say because I've avoided them for years! 😂

On the credit card one, I would have done the same thing. Theft is theft, if you don't report it, they will do it again. Family or not. Lessons need to be learned. The mother did this to herself, no one else is responsible for her actions.

hihi this is probably the most early i have ever been :D also about the divorce thing and the child asking about it, i'm 17 and my parents divorced when i was 2, i still have not been told basically anything about the reasonings, idk if i ever will, tho i havent really asked either

I have the opposite story to the allergy story. I ended up in the ER once because of an allergic reaction to a painkiller. My mom's reaction was : "Ah, so you've inherited that allergy." I wanted to donate my blood, discovered I had a health issue, came back home to tell her about it, and she went : "Well of course, we've known for 10 years." She just didn't think I needed to know, apparently x)

On the sulfa drugs: There are medical conditions that come with a negative reaction to sulfa drugs but are not actually allergies. I have one of them, so I know a bit about this. Many of them are genetic, so I would encourage both OP and her mother to speak to a medical professional and be open and honest about the entirety of the mother's reaction, and get tested to be sure they're not mistaking a more serious medical condition for a gastro allergy.

Just throwing it out there, as an IBS C girlie I do constantly make jokes about poop despite the condition lol. Of course it's all individual, but for me, I can still appreciate that it's something I can have a sense of humour about without it taking away from the pain, discomfort and very real impact on my day to day!

Sulpher drugs are not a brand, but a type, like antibiotics, or antihistameans

Re: Story 3. My mom always said, “When you’re 35, I’ll write you a book about _____” whenever I asked about tricky family matters. She died when I was 22 and now those questions will never be answered. Do it im an age appropriate way, yes, but talk to your children (especially as they grow into adults).

re: sulfa drugs/antibiotics: I don't know about sulfa drugs specifically, but I've been told before that antibiotics can cause digestive issues as a fairly common side effect. Essentially the reasoning i was given was that the antibiotics aren't targeted, so while they kill the bacteria causing you issues, they also kill ALL the bacteria in your body. This includes the useful bacteria innvarious parts of your body, including your gut (intestines mostly i think). Those bacteria help you digest, so suddenly removing them can cause issues like constipation. Thankfully, taking probiotics or eating yogurt with live cultures can help alleviate these symptoms by replenishing those gut bacteria while the infection bacteria are being killed.

Its not over dramatic to press charges on someone who has LITERALLY stolen from you, family or not

i’m so used to these that the ad did not surprise me bc the title of the aita post wasn’t in the video; i had to skip back to check i didn’t miss it😂😂

My mum always held the ideal of 'if they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to get an age-appropriate answer' with us kids.

Well that was lovely but I missed the fishing for drama line. ❤

On the pseudo allergy story , there is a window of opportunity to come clean and give the child the opportunity to look at and make that medical disition. That window of opportunity begins at the beginning of grade school and ends at the end of middle school. If o p were twelve or thirteen , I'd be saying no drama here , but at thirty , the mom is way out of line. P s on the telling the situation all story, eighty twenty "I''ll tell you when your older" is for the benefit of the adult at the expense of the child. Also given the disparity and reactions. I'd say there's an that the mother feels guilty and the father doesn't. That's why the reactions differ. This means that the default cannot be not to share the information. Even if there was an agreement and he broke it without consultation than it would be, everybody sucks here, but if she made the decision and he made a different decision without communicating. Especially he's been talking about, there's an issue here and she's been shutting him down. Then it is YT. A.

I don't really think the allergy one is no drama... While negative symptoms can be similar to allergies and vice versa in some ways, there is a huge difference between the two, and one can have significantly worse outcomes. Headache and constipation/tummy issues are listed on 90% of all medicine as side effects (Source: trust me - I don't actually know the correct number, so feel free to correct me) even stuff you don't even think about like nasal spray for a common cold has headache and tummy issues as side effects. I think it's perfectly fine to avoid specific drugs if you have bad experiences with them but calling it an allergy is far from right and causes a burden on OP because it's really important that she tells everyone about it as the outcome could be really severe compared to etc. constipation...

ADHD Chaos here too. I am off my meds for a while now due to ongoing shortage in UK and I find my stuff in the most ridicules places. After searching for my mobile for the whole day, I noticed that I had left the cheese out this morning and when I put it away just now, I found my phone in the fridge. I'm definitely phoning my pharmacy again tomorrow (if I remember).

Regarding the ring, I actually think he had a family dinner or something, and realizes someone was going to ask about the ring, perhaps to see it. So he panicked, then when he had to see them sans ring, concocted a lie about her stealing it.

Constipation has really impacted what I eat.

Both my parents were allergic to penicillin. My father had an anaphylactic reaction. We were told to say that we’re allergic to penicillin, and I did, until I saw an otolaryngologist for chronic sinus infection who questioned me. He sent me an allergist who prescribed penicillin. I was terrified, but took it. No problem. This was hugely beneficial for me, as I’m actually allergic to Sulfa drugs (which is a category of antibiotics).

Love you Shaaba!!🩷🩷🍑🍑

When I'm searching for something, my husband asks: "...let me guess. You put it somewhere safe you were sure to remember?"

Just a s a note: sulfa is an ingredient. It also includes anything sort of sulfates. My Mom had a sulfa allergy and when her allergy got worse she had to use special sulfate free shampoos. A lot of foods that use sulfer as a preservative could make her super ill. She also couldn't take iron sulfate supplements. A Dr once prescribed her a med that contained sulfa and she nearly died.

shaaba your hair looks sooo good 💖

What I am worried about with the last one is if OP hadn't pressed charges or spoken to the bank, and it was found that the mum was money washing. Would OP get into trouble?

A sulfa allergy is usually pretty significant. I have one child with a sulfa allergy. Unfortunately it’s a type of antibiotics that is very effective against some stubborn bugs so if you can’t use it it’s pretty significant.

I'm older, plus being a care giver to someone who has adult ADHD, and other issues, so it's very easy for me to get distracted about where I put things. Whenever I have to put something "in a safe place" I will say it out loud where I'm putting it. Then I hear it back, and so does the other person. Since i started doing that, there has been no stress about where the safe thing is. Maybe you could try that.

watching this before work , still really sleepy and out of it even hours after waking up

I can understand why the person in the second story felt angry at their mother. If I found out I was telling a lie to my doctors about a fake allergy (That the mom doesn't even have, just an adverse side effect) I'd be also pretty mad. The mom could have gotten her or her child tested instead of instructing them to lie to medical professionals. It's not harmless considering she is now pregnant and unsure which drugs she can take, that might have benefited her.

The thing is, while the tendency to develop allergies is genetic, precisely WHAT one may be allergic to is generally not. It would have been more responsible for your mother to tell the doctors, "I had a reaction to [insert specific drug here], so I would prefer to avoid sulfa drugs if at all possible, at least until they are older." There are very few infections that can be treated ONLY with sulfa drugs. And then, when you DO try sulfa drugs, you talk to the doctor about having benadryl ready when taking it so you can slow any reaction while you get to the ER.

Lolz "helping" her would require a conversation that was "taking advantage of". which is the same issue in the borrowing situation "borrowing" absent of any interaction/notice is...just stealing

My parents got divorced when I was 3 and growing up I never knew the reason. I can't exactly remember me ever asking (though my bio dad would make remarks about my mom being the reason they "didn't work it out") but when there was a really bad situation involving police and just lots of bad things (though no physical harm thankfully) my mom had to come pick me and my sister up and stressed to us that she could not stay long or come close to the house without her life being in danger so we had to either get in the car and leave with her or we had to stay. (She lived about 30min away so it's not like we drove states away. I should also mention that they had 50/50 custody so half the week was spent with one family and the other half with the other family and weekends switched every week) at the time this was happening I was having a sever meltdown/breakdown/panic attack and couldn't even talk all I could do was scream and cry (I was 16ish at the time so not my normal) and I'm forever thankfully for my sister making the choice for both of us to leave because she didn't want to stay but she was not going to leave me there alone she was staying with me no matter what. We stayed at my moms for over a week with no going to bio dads house for everyone to calm down and at the time I didn't really think anything of it but looking back my mom wasn't surprised at all about what happened and it was weird that she thought she be killed because they never we friends and from the outside seemed very civil with each other (though very cold and they never sat together at school events bio dad actually went to). But then after all this happened and I stopped staying with bio dad (I would go over for the day and get lunch or just hang with each other but then go back home but then those stopped as well) I came to realize just how abusive he was. I never thought he was because there was no physical abuse but it didn't click that I was suffering through really bad emotional/psychological abuse. Once I came to my mom about this realization she slowly would reveal bits and pieces on her side of the divorce and the abuse she suffered though before the split. Thinking about what I went through and how bio dad would always say he'd never hurt us and how much hate he held for my mom it paints a very dark picture. She one day apologized after I had a bad trauma episode that she couldn't protect me, that she fought for full custody but she was a single mom who was working to the bone to just pay bills and bio dad had a very nice job, and well off parents who could afford a nice lawyer and she barely got 50/50. She said she didn't know he would be like this with his kids and she didn't know what was happening or she'd have gone back to court. I'm still to this day (I'm 24) getting bits and pieces about everything. I really wish she would have been more truthful but I know that if she had been I would have called her a liar and would have hated her (bio dad was very good at manipulating me and my sis into hating my mom and that "he can't do wrong" and to this day it works on my sister) so I don't blame her or hold any resentment.

First OP could be me, what with ADHD and putting stuff "somewhere safe" and then forgetting where I've put it.

For the last story, if OP had waited very long to press charges on their mother... I'm pretty sure the mom could use that as a defense for the charges? Talking her way into sounding like OP had consented at first then changed their mind? I think considering the context info we were given OP did exactly the right thing.

No, I'm sorry, even treating the credit card one as an isolated incident - someone steals my card, I'm going to the police. I don't care if I know them or not.

I disagree Shaaba, can't poop and a headache are side effects, not an allergy. By calling it an allergy you've now ruled out an entire class of drug, and being pregnant they're limited in what they can use for her. Mom could have explained this before she went to the allergist or at least before she turned 36 years old. There isn't anything that can't be explained to the 6-year-old, you just have to keep it simple. I had the displeasure of telling my then 4yo that her grandfather was going to die because he had cancer. Then had to answer the questions as to why he was going to die, because at 4 years old if you get sick or hurt, you go to the doctor you get fixed. She later had to explain it to my grandmother (his mother) and as it turned out, she was the only one who managed to explain it to her great grandmother in a way she could understand (dementia). She already called and reported the card missing, she's obligated to call the police now that she knows who did it. Otherwise she could be considered complicit for credit card fraud.

As a child from divorced parents, I do think the mom not telling her child something about the divorce is dramaish. You should never underestimate your kids. I do understand not going into the creepy, strange, painful details, but it is possible to explain the intricacies and difficulties of relationships while offering safety and reassurance to their kid. Of course, I wouldn't trust my mom if she hadn't believed I could handle a little truth. I've always been grateful I got a somewhat clear picture of how things went wrong with my parents (I was 7). The dad of course seems manipulative, but the fact that the child's mother is not taking the time to show she considers their child as still affected and as its own person will be completely detrimental to her growth and confidence.

With the allergies one, from what we're told, the mother ONLY told her child sulfur drugs. Not the ragweed or the dust mites, according to how the story went. Just because there's sometimes a genetic component doesn't mean you give false info. I've experienced stuff like this with my own family, and it's caused harm. From the end where OP implied how this isn't the first time her mother did something like this, I don't blame her frustration and would consider going LC at least temporarily while she's pregnant and emotional, and she should get full panels of all tests done as an adult so she has info she can trust and not keep running to an unreliable source. While the mom wasn't (likely) intending harm, harm could've been done and OP was lucky nothing bad occurred. Sure, there were alternative drugs, but saying someone isn't the drama because "no harm, no foul" isn't something I can personally jive with.

Secrets mom is the drama. If the child has questions, she should get answers appropriate for her age. Mom is openly inviting mistrust from her daughter by staying quiet. Also, who says dad isn't providing child-friendly answers? There's no proof that he's sharing adult information with her. At least he's saying something! Idk, there's a lot of outcomes based on the circumstances of the divorce, but ultimately, mom should figure out how to answer her child's questions in an appropriate way. Based on what was said in the post when OP said that after a while her daughter revealed what she learned from her dad, she probably asked dad specifically because mom refused to answer. Children want answers and they're going to ask around until one is given. Mom brought this on herself. You're the drama, mom!