your girlfriend's hiding something 👀 r/AITA 

Saved - I'm so excited to hear the whole thing!! Also, CONGRATULATIONS!! 🎉

Ahh I wish I had Spotify 😭 I’m very excited for this!!

Looking forward to listening!!

It was so cute how excited and shy she was when the song was playing!

OMG SHAABA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stunning!!!🤩🤩 Presaved and can't wait to hear the whole thing!

OP then shouldn’t let the gf use the phone anymore tbh

And maybe they should break up

Unless - and hear me out - it's actual make-up.

yeah because big part of mold is the mycelium which you cannot see.... tho i once bite to pastry that had soft cheese filling and the mold was on the inside on the cheese and it was white mold.... I only realised it after I could taste weird taste.... I spat out as much as I could and throw it away.

so glad someone mentioned this!😅

@@Acinnn I think the best explanation I've seen compared it to a tree because you see the tree above ground, but you don't always necessarily see the roots underground or all of the small micro roots that the branch off in search of nutrition. Mold is the exact same way. Almost certain there's a rule I'm forgetting about the size of the patch of mold, but this is a general good rule of thumb.

Yes came here to say this!!! We grow mushrooms at home and let me tell you, spores and mycelium don't play around. Be extremely careful around mold, the strains that tend to grow on older food are very not good for humans.

Apparently, for bread, if any of it is moldy, you should toss the whole loaf. I grew up with parents who don't like to waste food, so I learned to just throw out/ cut out the bad parts. But that's usually a bad idea.

i mean she's literally 16; she is way too old to take out her anger this way, and certainly old enough to have to make up for that kind of damage. Honestly I can't imagine my 11 year old doing this, and if he did something like this at 16? Yes... he would be working that money off

And (I can only speak for if they live in the US) it should only take two months to work it off ($15 per hour, x 40, x8, which would actually be extra). She could do the job over the summer and not have to miss any school.

@@a_dry_antnot as a 16 yo… that’s not how it works

I was fuming when reading this and I do think she needs to pay it off, but this whole situation raises the question, is OP telling the whole story, if this is the only thing she has done like this what lead up to it? It definitely wasn’t a disagreement about the Tv or whatever it was. Im sure she felt like her sibling was getting more attention and more time used on her(15) moment than her(16) own. I don’t think any kid would do something like this if it was just over a simple disagreement… I think OP is lying…

Yeah, I’m by no means any kind of professional on the matter, but Bethany definitely seems to be struggling with feelings of neglect, and that’s absolutely worth looking into. It’s easy to brush off destructive behavior as something a 16yo should know better about, and accept the consequences of. But behavior like that is usually a sign of deeper issues, this doesn’t sound like a well-adjusted teen, it sounds more like someone who isn’t being properly cared or provided for. I don’t think giving Bethany consequences is going to work out very well, and may even backfire into further destructive behavior, unless OP addresses what’s actually causing Bethany emotional distress.

@@UntitledWorkInProgressI don’t think the neglect is coming from OPs end. However we don’t know anything about the other parent or the sibling relationship. It possible that the 15 year old gets more gifts etc from the other side of the family?

It’s *

@@madisongriffin3478 I agree, it’s definitely both parents responsibility to find out what’s bothering their kid and address it properly. However, OP’s focus on consequences rather than addressing Bethany’s turmoil, makes me feel like OP is just as much a part of the problem as the other parent.

I am missing so many informations. Is this a one time thing or were there arguments before when things got broken. What does3000 mean for this family. Was the daughter able to realise the amount of money and the personal value? I would surely consider some kind of counseling, or maybe there is already counseling and we don't know. Maybe I d still let her try to pay it back,but as Shaaba said depending on how much is possible. But more important for me would be to make sure, that she understand what was wrong and can control her actions in the future.

1000% agree

Growing up in a town of many different latin american cultures I did not realize just how much planning and detail goes into a quincianera until I was invited to one for my best friends sister (mexican-american). Absolutely beautiful gown, stunning accesories and preperations started like 8 months before the party cost like 15k-18k for the whole thing i think they got the dress and stuff for like 3k or 4k roughly before alterations but cant remember if they had brought it over from Mexico or not. There was also my godfathers (puerto rican) daughter's quince which was held at a fancy venue and had expensive catering on top of the dress being like 6k so it really isn't so far off for 3k at least in my mind knowing that other people I grew up with had parents that still spent a comparable amount in Mexico.

@@Rhaeine yes, it's really a lot of years planning, my family started saving for mine when I was born (literally the same day) and the whole family was involved in the planing. From food to music to souvenirs to anything else, I didn't even want the party.

Grandpa from New Mexico here. You are right. It's breathtaking financially, and it's one of the highlights of many women's lives. The only party I've ever seen that was bigger and more elaborate than a quinceanera, the 8-year-old had beaten cancer. The dad reserved a city park and served hot dogs to anyone who came to the park (I still cry). We know what our daughters are worth. Bethany needs to pay for that and regain her family's trust or she will be an outsider all her life.

I think a person who wants to get a Tesla in any way that supports the company And a person who screams “you still live with your parents and I could buy ten Teslas with my humble money” Should be equally embarrassed because they have identical values filed into minutely different genres A guy who thinks self driving AI is ready Now and the blood clot that crawled out of an apartheid emerald mine can give it to him, and a guy who thinks he’s not bragging about money when he talks about buying a current year sports car with physical paper, are the same guy.

@@Lucifersfursonadefinitely, you make a great point

i mean i feel that OP wasnt tryna brag, but he was just tryna give us the backstory. @@Lucifersfursona

I think OP mentioned his own wealth because otherwise the comments would have been "you are just jealous you can't afford a Tesla".

12 years🤢🤢🤢

... If you have proof please call CPS or your countries equivalent. That's horrific and abusive.

I’m sorry, they do what, they serve what to their step-kids

“I know one person with executive dysfunction and I’ve tried to help her with involuntary self harm like making sure she doesn’t eat rotten food- and I know a person who admitted to me they take glee in abusing their children and screamed at me when I tried to stop them”

Interesting and creepy post. A view into a world that nobody I love has ever lived in.

Also I think some therapy is in order.

Well the cost itself is important, but you also need to realize here that maybe Bethany doesn’t understand the importance of an event like that… it also depends on where someone lives whether or not she can work at her age. Does she have a disability? That could also make it harder for her to pay back what she damaged. Yes, she should face some punishment, but making a child work to pay off a dress they might not have intentionally ripped is strange to me… maybe setting up the event, some chores and some other stuff would be better. Idk this is coming from the standpoint of someone who’s messed up a lot, as I have a disability that makes things harder to understand and do, so obviously don’t take this negatively. ❤️

⁠​⁠@@VeryUpsetSpaghettiOP put the relevant information. If the kid had a disability it would’ve been stated.The child in question can work in most US states. They’ve also lived with each other for about a decade. i’m sure she knows the significance of the celebration. i understand you have a disability, i do as well, but please don’t make excuses for someone who deliberately makes bad choices. she got permanent marker PLUS cutting it up with the scissors, that’s very intentional

@@thisisavivistanaccount7866 oh I see. I must’ve spaced out when Shaaba was reading the story, I skipped that part… oops

@@VeryUpsetSpaghetti she wrote on it with a Sharpie and then tore the back. I'm also sure, if her daughter was special needs with mental issues, OP would have mentioned it. It sounds like a 16 year old, jealous of her 15 year old step-sister, getting more attention than she is. There's no excuse for such petty behavior.

Hey, love this perspective but you mention that it was probably $150 or more before alterations but in the video OP says it was $3000 total and before altercations it was $1500, which is a lot more than you mention and makes the destroying even more fucked up.

@@jessthecat9399 oh absolutely!! I wrote that before I got there, especially since that's around the range my cousin got her dress! But that because I come from a low income family, but yeah that makes it much Much worse, that about as much as my families rent! Still, the mom isn't in the wrong, it just makes the daughters actions worse.

yo, just wanna say that I'm sorry you didn't get a quinceañera or sweet 16 party. it must have been really hard to put on a smile and celebrate these events with your cousin while not having your own family do the same. idk you but as is the case for all people, I can confidently say that you are a special, wonderful person deserving of a party full of pomp, circumstance, and celebration. reaching those milestones in your life was an incredible feat that you should still be proud of, so don't feel as though you don't matter because you didn't have these parties - you absolutely do matter and I hope your loved ones communicated this to you in other ways and continue to do so. ps: I do not come from a culture that holds quinceañeras or that really does sweet 16s so I apologise profusely if this is insensitive or impractical but - if you still want to, perhaps you could hold a special party for yourself to celebrate your life and milestones? people often pin all their hopes on their weddings and other big events because it feels like the one day that you get to celebrate yourself or a particular part of your life, however, there are many, many times you can do this, such as milestone birthdays, graduations, making it through a tough patch in life, celebrating a milestone or achievement that you didn't commemorate at the time (for you, this could be turning 15 or 16 or more broadly becoming an adult?), getting a new or dream job, moving to a new area, moving away from an area where family and friends live. as an adult, you can always ask friends and family to plan it but a fun part is that, unlike when you're a kid, you can have more control over your event - make it as big or small as you want (it could be a big, fancy ballroom dance or a movie night and sleepover in your bedroom with your closest friends), invite whoever you like, devise your own theme and dress code and have fun picking the best food and desserts, make decorations, even sit down with an event planner or friends and family to brainstorm how you want the event to look. you are unique, there is no-one on this Earth like you. so many factors aligned perfectly to make you the person you are and to get you so far - that in itself is a major string of lucky events which have lead to such a wonderful outcome (you being you), as have all of your well thought out choices and hard work, and that is something worth celebrating!!!

I’m getting married and intentionally chose a simpler dress after looking at the price of alterations. Beading and lace can get pricey because the details need to be removed before the seams/hem can be altered, then have to be hand sewn back on. $1500 is up there but not an insane price

Well, the dresses (most of them) have lace and crystals. Also some can be alterarted to be shorter or less voluptuous to perform the dances.

Particularly not Teslas. They're poorly built and engineered. There are better manufacturers out there building better cars. Teslas just have a rep for being among the first in getting EVs on the market. Everyone knows that Musk is an awful person, and it kind of echoes down in his companies. The German factory has had pretty much *DAILY* injuries. German and Swedish unions are currently striking because of Tesla not upholding European worker standards, and here in Sweden that strike has spread to the point where dock workers are refusing to unload Tesla vehicles from cargo. That's just here in Europe too. The Tesla factories are well known for having issues with racism and misogyny. Really hostile work environments. With all that in mind, buying a Tesla, choosing to support such a company, is kind of gross, don't you think?

I live in Argentina, "the capital of lithium" and the place where the biggest mining spot is a lake, the only water sourse of that part of the country. It's also the region where native people live (people who, like native american people, has been victim of racism and genocide), so their lose their home. And because the country is in a constant economic crisis and we "have to pay" to the FMI they plan to explote it to he max

I mean, if you need to get a new car anyway you might as well get an electric car, but yeah, if your car still works, make it work until it dies. I know that's how it's worked for my family.

he caveat is the 5-year thing, If you use it more than that then it is in fact far more environmentally friendly, The only issue is that it's not an electrical train really, L cars. The companies selling gas cars also want to sell you a new one every year So they're no better based on that logic. Again L Cars. Also there's something to be said about the air and sound quality improvements. The fumes from cars get into your heart valves, lithium mining is not as bad as it's made out to be, If you don't know the common photo you see of a big pit in electric car memes is actually a copper mine. Their tires probably do more damage Basically All the issues with electric cars is them being cars Not them being electric But gas companies, the richest people in the world spend billions try to pass it off like there's some nuance, "It's different" That's all they can get.

​@@charoraimondogarciaAmerica also diverts gas pipelines through native land that they don't even own shit is fucked up

Right. Direct a comunication and boundary stating would make this problem easier to solve. Not having to guess everything makes it easier

Yes this so much this!!! Mold is like mushrooms there’s so many different kinds and types and some are completely safe and good to eat and some are very toxic for humans. Be safe out there ppl ❤

I doubt a pound of cheddar with some mold on the end is full of “invisible parts.” But I’ll defer to any reputable scientific studies.

@@glitterspray It really depends on the amount of visible mold. But generally, hard cheeses like Cheddar should be okay after cutting out all mold with 1 inch margins. Though most experts still recommend tossing it to be safe.

if we're talking a cream cheese or soft cheese or shredded or powdered then yes absolutely. however cheeses like cheddar are too dense for mold roots to grow inside

@@gingermaniac5484 Do you have any info from food scientists or some such research where I can read more about this with the hard cheeses? Also, I was including breads and other foods as well. I just don't think we as consumers can know for sure how much of a product needs to be cut off for it to be safe to eat.

It’s a only a bad thing to brag about your expensive toys when you have someone paying your rent/mortgage.

ESH is definitely the right call because the boyfriend insulted OP’s stuff in addition to being insufferable, but OP brought money into it. He could’ve easily said “Teslas aren’t viable enough now, Elon Musk is an asshole, current infrastructure is not set up well enough to handle electric cars so my 2023 Honda Civic is a wonderful choice. You’re making something terrible your whole personality and putting me down for not following suit? No thank you, we shouldn’t trust your opinion because it’s biased.” And would’ve been fine, but like. Attacking where OP was financially Vs the boyfriend was not the way to handle it and made OP an asshole too.

I think OP is the AH because he is dressing the story to make himself look more sympathetic. Priming, if you will. If OP just said bf talked shit about the car he drove, but OP didnt get mad about the insult of his car, he got upset that someone he percieves as beneath him insulted him in an unimpressive way. He was insulted bc he thinks hes better than bf. If the tesla is the one thing bf is proud of, maybe its a special interest, who knows, but it doesnt really matter that the bf is obsessed with it. OP let ego win in that moment, he coulda exained it was a poor choice to his brother without making it a contest.

@@cexilady3333​​⁠​⁠ Eh, I don’t necessarily think that’d be the best response either. The real issue is the bf bragging and putting OP down for not owning a Tesla, so it wouldn’t really make OP better to do the exact same to him (“You think Honda civics are trash? Well I think Teslas are trash!” isn’t really productive and would still be ESH in my eyes, even though it’s better than punching down about money.) If all OP said was “I like my car, and I’m sick of you insulting my lifestyle choices” or even “No one cares about your stupid Tesla!”, he’d be more justified in my eyes cause it feels less about insulting his lifestyle and more being upset about him shoving it in everyone else’s face and insulting other people’s lifestyle. I guess the second phrase would still kinda be rude, but it feels more justifiable to me I think because it reads more clearly to me as “Stop shoving your car in our face” as opposed to “Your car sucks and you’re dumb for liking or being proud of it”. I’m not super sure about it though tbf; it just feels better to me and that’s my best guess as to why ig 😅

@@justtired2050 I hear you, but the reason why I said what I said was bc the guy was offering car advice so my response was based off the fact that 1. The advice is biased bc Tesla fanboy and 2. He insulted OP. What I suggested was both putting the guy in his place for the insult and saying “don’t trust this guy’s opinion.” I respect what you said, I hope you can also see my POV!

Also, sometimes older people just lose their sense of smell even outside of brain injuries, and it probably gets worse with a stroke. I’d definitely be concerned that even if MIL has the mental wherewithal to decide if something is safe to eat, she doesn’t necessarily have the ability to detect if it isn’t. (My grandmother has no cognitive issues but is nearly 90 and had a fridge that was stinking up her entire apartment due to some several months expired beef stew, and she couldn’t tell.)

I wonder if the MIL would even notice if OP started cleaning the kitchen a little by little. Like throwing out one thing from the fridge and a couple of the worst items from the pantry at a time, while the MIL was sleeping or away. Reorganise things a little to not leave obvious gaps, maybe wipe some shelves etc. After all it should be expected that some things get used, and she already said that MIL is expecting her to use them too.

Both of your points are kind and thoughtful. I have done interventions for people living on the edge of civilization inside their own houses ( it was my nonprofit drive for a while). Do as much as they will let you - they know they are in danger. It's not a stupidity/ignorance thing. Nice, nice post.

I agree she should face real world consequences but 16 is 100% still a child

this type of behavior is the behavior of a 4 year old child, not a 16 year old

Yep. I had to open a new bank account because my then-spouse was emptying the joint one my paychecks were going into. I kept my job and got the kids. Sometimes we do stuff we never learned from Walt Disney movies about love and marriage. Best wishes.

Feels like she's got trust issues. She's come up with a way to check his phone every other night. I think her mind instantly assumed he planned to do the same. I think that's why she said he had a lot of apologising to do. Best scenario is she had a controlling abusive unfaithful X. Worst would be she has a guilty conscience and is hiding stuff. Neither are great though.

@@brackalack1 I agree that it sounds like it in their case! I just don't like it as a blanket statement or as advice for anyone whose situation you don't know.

@@wheelofhands totally agree!

This comment is underrated!

Hahaha I noticed that too 😂😂😂

Same.

Yeah, I got the same vibe.

That's what I got from it. I noticed that (according to OP) it seemed to be annoying everyone else too. He did go a little far in his response calling the boyfriend out, but I can understand that.

I might have taken a slightly different tactic, based on objective questions: “At this point is there anyone in your circle who hasn’t been reminded of your Tesla multiple times? Does it automatically make them approve of you? How much is your mortgage/rent? It can have a real impact on people’s discretionary spending.” “Are people who buy cars they can afford somehow inferior?” “Do you base your friendships on how expensive someone’s car is?” Do you think I’m inferior because I’ve never been able to afford a new car?” I could go on and on; maybe while taking notes 😁

I thought about this too, but I kind of assumed that those things would also be addressed. In other words, there will be a parental talk, and a family talk, and a therapist for Bethany as well as family therapy... all of these things and more are probably planned. I think the AITA question was regarding whether, in addition to the appropriate parental interventions, would making her work to reimburse the dress be going too far?

Honestly I think "pay back the exact dollar amount" punishments may intially seem fair but don't address the root issue of why the property was damaged in the first place.

Big agree on the point of therapy also being needed here. At 16 this sort of behavior should not be expected, it's beyond petty and childish to be that destructive over someone else getting some spotlight. I understand feeling ignored and being upset with that, I've been there, but she crossed a line that she should have the awareness to not cross, which makes me wonder if there's some underlying issue that should be talked about and handled. Though I'm not a professional and I can't exactly diagnose someone over the internet

To be fair, there could be grounds for wondering why she does not, in fact, seem to have learnt those things. I mean, there's always a lot of context that isn't given in these letters. Therapy seems strongly indicated, but perhaps not solely as punishment.

exactly - with sliced bread especially: one blue dot in one slice means the entire bag is spoilt.

I tend to agree, that this seems to be more than just jealousy over the dress, but rather the dress was the focus/object she could take it out on. OP mentioned that Bethany got her sweet 16, but does Bethany consider it equivalent? Does she think Maria will also get a Sweet 16 too and thinks that is unfair? Is it about more than the birthdays...like is her other parent not involved in her life and so she sees her step sister getting attention from both her parents and she didn't get that? Does she feel like step dad favours his bio daughter over her because he is being so involved with this? Idk, could be any number of things, I just feel like either Bethany is used to being spoiled (that isn't the vibe I get immediately though) or there is something much deeper behind the jealousy/anger. It's great OP spent more time with her to make her feel better, but perhaps it isn't OP's attention she is jealous over, and she feels left out by her step dad because they don't share this cultural connection? Or, she could even be neurodivergent in some way and not understand the complexities of cultural differences like that, especially if up until that point they have been raised the same; she may not have been able to express her feelings and this was how it bubbled out...not excusing it the behaviour, just I have a friend who's daughter gets this way when overwhelmed (though she is 10 not 16). Hell, it is even possible that Maria isn't so innocent and has been boasting/shoving it in her face when no one else is in earshot. 🤷 Either way, I would say that the punishment is valid, but y itself will just create more resentment. OP needs to get to the bottom of why it happened. So yeah, at the very least Bethany needs to speak to a therapist, because lashing out like that and destroying a sibling's dress isn't normal at that age.

I definitely agree, it seems to me that Bethany's action is about more than the dress or the event. If I were OP, I would reconsider that statement that B and Maria have had a good relationship up til now. It sounds like there has been more going on than Mom was aware of. None of this is to say that I think anything Bethany did was acceptable-- no way. Just that if the hope is to restore positive family relationships all around, then step 1 is asking what's really going on with those relationships.

Good point: I wouldn't let hubby on my amazon or email atm coz of Xmas orders

I really love the idea of a girl getting such a huge party that is just all for her, to celebrate that she is becoming a woman. Explicitly just her. That she is the actual star for one day. I know the concept has infinite potential for drama and disaster, but the idea is wonderful.

“If I lampshade the classism I get to keep ignoring it”

That was my thought as well, that he mentioned his financials for context, not to brag

I generally agree regarding the context part - though he could have just said "over 6 figures" and still gotten enough of the point across. However, I'm iffy on the part where he told the bf that he could buy 10 Tesla's with cash. The main point should have that he could have bought a Tesla - with cash - but chose the Civic instead.

@@SharylLacroix I mean I don't think he should have blown up at the boyfriend the way he did and said such bad things about him. Like Shaaba said, two wrongs don't make a right. But my point is we can't call him a bragging, boasting, hypocrite, just from a mention of his wealth in a AITA question and one outburst at an annoying boyfriend. That's not logical or fair (imo). That's all I mean.

I agree. In my opinion, there is difference on telling something anonymously online and saying the same thing repeatedly to the people you know. Why does it even matter what people tell about themselves on the internet. I could say that I have a billion dollars and my own spaceship, but it wouldn't make any difference, since no-one knows who I am and I'm not spamming the whole comment section with it.

If it floats, it goes. I don’t bother to crack it open to smell the sulfur. If it sinks, even after official expiration, I’m not worried.

@@glitterspray I use this trick, too! Nobody wants their house to smell like rotten eggs.

Not all floating eggs are bad, some of them can just dry out enough to start floating. As a precaution I never boil old eggs, and I break them into a mug one at a time by our garden door. If it smells fine, it goes into the bowl, and if it's rotten, it's outside in seconds and not ruining the whole kitchen 😆 It's not common for eggs to go bad, I've seen maybe five rotten eggs in my 40 years, although often have eggs 1-3 months out of date. (This in Europe where eggs get to keep their natural protective layer and are stored on the counter by the way, might be a different situation in the USA where eggs are washed and stored in the fridge.)

7.25 an hr for 4hrs a day for 4 days a week is still 6k a year so that’s still double the dress

That's a good thing to be aware of and you are not wrong. As it applies to Bethany, my grandpa response is, "Tough". She needs to learn to take out her next nastiness on something less expensive.

At that moment they were waiting for a table - along with a bunch of other people. In that situation, you can't really carry on much a conversation. So checking the news and letting your partner know what is happening is one relatively safe way to pass the time. And, yes, the "lot of making up to do" sounds like a huge red flag.

YEP! Distraction can be very beneficial 🙂

That's how I read it too, especially since "you're just jealous" would be such a classic Reddit response. He lost me a little at the part where he told the bf that he could buy 10 Teslas, but I agree about the initial statement.

I agree! Although obviously not everyone is able to for various reasons and that's fine, but it would be perfect if cities were planned for cycling and public transport too, not just cars. It does a huge difference on how much people actually use the other means of transportation. I have a driver's licence but haven't driven a car for over four years, and my partner doesn't even have a licence. Our city (in the UK) could be much better (just look at the Netherlands!), but at least it's possible to manage without a car here.

I survived a marriage where the surprises were always really bad news. 30 years later, therapy is helping. Your post made me happy; you're what I thought it could be. Thanks.

Unless the family needs the money I don't know if it's really the right move to force a teenager to work a minimum wage job for what could potentially be years of her life. I understand that paying back the money she wasted instinctively feels fair, but there are a lot of problems that could crop up. What if she hasn't paid it by the time she gets into college? What if she can't even get into college because work interferes with her studies? What if she can't find a job or gets fired on purpose? I think OP should find another way to punish her.

But then you know the value of $3000 and Bethany obviously does not.

@@SharylLacroixthats true, maybe she should learn the value of money a bit more, but i feel like a teenager whose mum is making her pay $3000 is going to really resent and hate her for it, its a huge amount to pay. however she is old enough to understand the consequences, and being petty and cruel like that shouldnt be tolerated, so i dont really know

Yeah, that thought also crossed my mind. It's weird wanting to check the news even during a date, when you're supposed to focus on your partner, not on your phone. Especially in a brand new relationship (and 3 months is still brand new). Her reaction seems over the top for a simple request of using the phone quickly. It would make more sense if the reaction was in fact because he was more interested in the news than in the date and she felt hurt by it. But well, we can only speculate as we won't get her side of the story.

@@alam5055 yes just speculation, but I do think the reason he wanted to use her phone should be taken into consideration

How about the victim calls the cops for the felony Bethany committed? The sensible solution is between your suggestion and that one - what Bethany did was far worse than anything you ever did. Actually, you sound as though you were a wonderful kid. Best wishes - you're NOT the a-hole.

I also question how realistic it is for a teenager to earn $3000, or what the punishment will be if she fails to do so. It also does nothing to address the rift with Maria, and sets the expectation that money is all that matters and we can break peoples stuff as long as we pay for it.

I agree that there seems to be something more to the story. From the OP's description, I got an impression that the conversation went like "can I borrow your phone to check the news?" "where's your own?" "in the car." "You should go get it then or check the news later" and then complete silence that even the people around them noticed. But he also says that the GF texted about giving "hints", so the discussion must have been longer. My thought was that she might have problems telling people no and she felt that telling him fetch his own phone and maybe something else, should have been a clear sign that she didn't want him to have her phone and didn't like to be asked until she had to say no. (Please don't teach your children to be good and always do what they are told.) I also can understand, why she wouldn't want him to check the news while on a date, because I find it annoying and disrespecting, when people use phones on a social setting. They definitely should have a conversation about the incident.

Same that's all I could think about during that one, it's such a simple thing but I need other people to smell check things for me

Right? Like there has been a lot of talk by some supermarkets here in the UK about reducing food waste by removing use by dates and promoting use of sense of smell to judge if something is off... like my dudes, did we not just come from a global pandemic where the no1 symptom was loss of smell/taste? I know several people for whom it never returned or it has returned but is faulty in some way (one friend hers is just coming back after a year, and her daughter says literally everything smells of smoke, regardless of what it is). And then there are the other people I know who have no sense of smell, but it was unrelated to covid: stroke, traumatic brain injury, and another I haven't asked but she was like it before covid.