THIS Is a Common Tactic Used to Avoid Commitment 

Noticed ❤

again it's been a few years and this is the surface just like when he scammed thousands of women

​@@ninawoods5985 Wdym?

@@ninawoods5985 I’ve followed him for many years and haven’t experienced any scams.

How did he scam women?

Oh that is sooooo true...been there, done that!

Sometimes we think we know the answers( since we think the possible answers in the glasses of fear ) but sometimes we are wrong and I guess we should let them answer us their answer instead of projecting their answers in advance :)

I have done this in the past. Know your worth ❤

Agree! We cut off our noses to spite our own happiness because when we fear being alone all over again, we rather diminish who we are to keep a person around. The fastest way to self sabotage our life is to hold onto people who would never hold onto us in return.

@@lebonpretexte6345 I agree. Recently, I realized how often I don’t ask because I assume the answer will be no and that’s based on old programming. It’s not really fair to the person you’re with to make that assumption.

I like that word, "fizzled", so true!!😂 I'll use that.

I get it

This is my nightmare, he just told me Saturday

@@jessicaanthony3013 what happened? Are you ok?

The fantasy is just potential you fell in love with that’s in your head, the version of who you wish they were because if you stop looking at their potential since day one, you would of never fell in love with who they were. Always ignore someone’s potential and see them ad they are. You’ll never get fooled nor waste your time by someone again when you do this.

🤦🏻 25:15 it's not that they don't respect your time or energy. They MAY think you're great. But what they DEFINITELY think you are is NOT the GREATEST they can get.

Yes, I had a similar situation! I went on a date with a guy I was interested in, and my anxiety stuck with me the whole time. I’ve never felt this awful before…. After a couple of months, I realized that I felt so anxious because he never made me feel safe

The body communicates and you just have to listen. Anytime someone is wrong for you, your body is always trying to talk, but then it will scream if you keep ignoring the communication. Our bodies are just translating what our unconscious one registers about a person and trying to warn us from the jump.

Some people may feel anxiety when going to a concert. It is because anxiety and excitement, both emotions are in the same place of brain. The difference is that some people feel anxiety doing some sport or going to concert and some people feel excitement....doing exactly the same sport or hobby. The difference is that witha nxiety the receptor in brain goies to one sidea nd with excitement the receptor goes to oposite side. It may not be about the other person... the person may be good, but you had bad experiences in past so you may think that just because the person has the same hair or looks, its the same situation. If you didnt heal emotionally. Suibconscious mind works 95 percent a day. Conscious mind works 5 percent a day.

That's correct.. the trick is to know it's not going to last forever and to not let that relationship devolve into something that can cause financial hardship or legal problems and to treat it as a Summer fling that will not last forever .

@@dampergoldenrod4156 if I accept going into a relationship that it has no possibility of lasting, I simply won't bother, because it's not worth the considerable effort taken to find someone. It's only the slim hope that the next one might be the one that lasts that keeps me going.

Here is a wonderful quote I have saved and it’s definitely going to highlight way settling with anyone is not healthy: “People talk a lot about self-love but aren't actually ready to do what it takes to truly get there. Self-love isn't just massages, spa days, yoga retreats, & facials. It's setting firm boundaries, not just with your words, but through your actions. It's staying away from people that can't meet your standards, even if it means letting go of someone you really love. It's holding people accountable for wrong shit they did to you, even when they hate you for it. It's choosing yourself over keeping toxic people around, even when it gets lonely. It's a series of hard decisions that may hurt in the moment but you'll thank yourself for later. That's self-love & there's nothing pretty about it.” And I always tell people this one thing… The more lonely you feel, you are 3x’s more likely to desperately date anyone blindly who is toxic, abusive, or going to make you sacrifice everything good about yourself because you fear being alone all over again. People who aren’t lonely but out there dating are 100% not going to easily just date anyone or jump into a relationship, they also 100% can end things very easily if a person immediately exhibits yellow or Orange flags, which are the warning flags before the red flags emerge. They rather be single than stay with the wrong person.

Or that maturity has led you to realise that your needs were actually wants and that you had to compromise on some things knowing that they will be compromsing on some things to be with you also.

I was just thinking about that. Even though it's false, it will hurt.

again it's been a few years and this is the surface just like when he scammed thousands of women

Easier said than done. When you feel there's any hope.

@@johnnydi2231it’ll happen though. It never lasts that long. Good luck, you’ll be ok.

@vanessap8717 Thank you for the encouragement. It means a lot. It's still in the "constantly getting worse" phase right now. So not a lot of hope in my soul right now, unfortunately. Lol But thank. I appreciate it very much. 🙏🏻

I was there also and it created such a trauma for me, that lm not afraid of anything but living this again

Totally relate. No more narcissists!

@@wejoin it's us to make a choice, we cannot make someone being not what they are already

@@elena-jp6ge right! I chose to leave rather than wait for a train that would never arrive

Very well put! Better to be alone than with people who make you feel alone.

Well said! I really like how simple and direct this piece of advice is

true

Deep and true. Ooooo ❤

again it's been a few years and this is the surface just like when he scammed thousands of women - this is so correct, did you see the credit card scam Matthew has done

So easy to say.......

@@tanyamiller6083 And easy to do if you're honest with yourself and the person you're with. Don't have a child with someone you can't see yourself with forever. Have benchmarks that signify devotion. Don't have sex with someone unless they want something more. It takes self-control but if you won't do it, don't be surprised when life doesn't go the way you'd like.

Once hear the perfect quote on this: “Words are bullshit, but actions talk.” Always look at actions before you trust words because anyone can tell you what you want to hear just to get what they want.

Always mirror investment. If they can’t give more, don’t over compensate by giving more when they give less or nothing. It won’t make up for what they don’t do but build resentment on your end for feeling your needs not being met. If someone is low effort, match that effort by saying, “BUH-BYEEEE!” and go forward with intentions to only date people who match your effort CONSISTENTLY!

That's how it happens.....we get sucked into the fantasy he actually fed us.....he said we'd do this in summer, we'd spend all this time together.....he loved you....

When you get nervous like that? It’s your body already communicating to you that you know the answer already. You never have to ask what’s going on because their actions SHOW you and make you feel secure where you stand with them. Anyone who isn’t about you, will not make you feel secure in a relationship because they no longer want to escalate the relationship with you and are already at peace with your insecurity.

Better only happens when someone freely chooses to do better for you because you matter. When someone doesn’t care? That’s how they act like that guy who said you were “pushy”. You’re not pushy. You’re just asking the wrong person for your needs to be met and was never going to fulfill them because he doesn’t have the capacity to give that to you. And the right person for you will NEVER make you feel you’re too much or not enough. You wanted more, he wanted less, so always let them go find less!

Boundaries with discipline to uphold those boundaries is the key here in life. By doing so boundaries can help easily expose who respects you vs is using you real fast!

Then watch their actions and take their words with a grain of salt. See words can lie from anyone’s lips, but actions? With intentions will 100% show you where you stand with anyone very easily. People who don’t give a fuck will not have their words and actions match. It will always contradict and confuse you. Words are bullshit, but actions talk.

Yes! That’s the bottom line..

I like your comment….when do you think is too soon to ask for commitment and what are we or where are we going ? 6 months 1 year?

The problem is lack of honesty, because they know that being honest with your actual intentions might get you an answer that's not aligned with the goals you set on your mind when you chose to date that person. The problem is that people feel entitled to anyone's attention without returning the favor and understanding that a healthy relationship requires mutual effort, mutual compromise, mutual honesty and transparency and mutual comprehension and empathy. People want to be given the best of the best for free, just for existing, just for doing the bare minimum, just for being hot and sexy, just for having a successful professional career and relationships are about mutual respect, mutual compromise, balance and being equally supportive of each other. People who approach a deeply emotional and sentimental person and lie to them in hopes that they'll give you casual se× with no strings attached, even though you know for a fact that the person you're dating has been crystal clear that he or she doesn't enjoy emotionless, casual se×: do you seriously believe fooling a person and playing with his or her feelings, so that you can get an orga$m is morally acceptable, or even worth it? People have feelings, people don't have all the time in the world just for you to toy with them and their hearts forever and ever. If you want a one-night stand, say it and let the other person give you a fully informed and honest consent, knowing full well the consequences of being involved with you, so that the person can move on and find a more suitable partner in case he or she doesn't want just casual se×. I will never empathize or understand people who lie to partners who want a fully committed, monogamous relationship, partners who really want a marriage and a family only to get them to consent to have a simple fling or a temporary affair with them, without knowing from the very beginning that the other person doesn't have any actual intention of taking the relationship to the next level. You're playing with other people's feelings, time, availability and generosity, and I'm chronically tired of modern-day younsgters defending and justifying this terrible behavior in the dating market, by saying that _"we are living in the 21st century and therefore, we need to deconstruct old-fashioned dating culture and strategies"_ and I fully disagree with that notion, people need to commit to the partner they're dating, because youth doesn't last forever and it's terribly unfair to fool people and lie to them about your actual and real intentions when you know d@mn well your partner desires a fully committed relationship with you, so that you can get your exciting affair and fun at the expense of fake hopes you're raising up in the other person about a serious relationship that will never exist. It's not fair and people need to stop behaving like this.

I’ll give you a miniature version of ‘getting him to commit’ I tell guys, I only sleep with boyfriends. I don’t do casual. The only way I can feel safe sleeping with someone is if they are only seeing me. It has NEVER backfired.

@@95maferisturiz🎉🎉🎉

Timing is very important, but waiting too long can build resentment and the anxiety can be harmful in intense ways.

Where did you find that?

And that’s very standard of codependency to constantly sacrifice yourself for others validation to the point you obligate yourself to things you rather not put up with and feel you can’t rock the boat out of fear of rejection or creating negative feels.

As a former codependent the secret to boundaries is self discipline to keep them there. You have to push thru those guilty feelings of saying no and to not obligating yourself to things you do not want to. The best place to start this? Work. Practice at your job and by doing this, it gets easier. It lets you really implement the CODA support group methods better honestly.

Always speak up, then, based on feedback, you can be strategically patient with an objective time limit, or you on forward living your life.

I would also like to know. 🤔

You're acting like it's the woman's fault if the man doesn't want to commit. That's just not true. Some people just aren't compatible. Even the best woman will not be considered girlfriend material by every man in the world. That's not to say that the man is a "bogeyman" but the woman isn't defective either. They just weren't a good fit. Unless she has serious issues (addiction, criminal activities, abusive, serious mental problems) she's better off moving on and finding a man who likes her the way she is than trying to change herself to be "good enough" for him.

@@Bluesmoke4200 Men have to tick a women's boxes from the outset to even date them and most womens requirements are immediate like height, career, financial stability, confidence, generous, funny etc... However men are looking for things like how respectful you are to him, whether you are supportive, provide peace over drama, caring nature, effort in regards to sex life and attraction. All of these need time to appraise and if he isnt committing then he has concerns in some of these areas or hoping for change in time.

Took me 7😢

They are afraid of being alone because they have no value in the larger world.. that is the root of the fear of being alone or that there is nobody else out there who is better than. who they are currently with.. the problem is they become worse people the longer they stay in a poisonous relationship

@@dampergoldenrod4156 Absolutely 💯