Get Over "the One That Got Away" 

No marriage or relationship is flawless; they're all different. What works for one person might not work for another. But I've figured out that there's always a way to fix things when there's a problem. Five years back, my wife and I were on the brink of divorce because of issues in our marriage, but we found a way to fix them. It was hard, but we made it through.

"We obsess over these things that feel like the're millimeters away. But a millimeter is as good as a mile". This one is so good !

I am currently going through a breakup, In the past, such moments left me feeling hopeless, but this time, I feel empowered and optimistic. While I still acknowledge the pain, it was his decision, it isn't mentally draining me as it used to. Thanks to your videos, podcasts, and advice on handling breakups, I have found strength. I love this man and wish him well, but for both our sakes, it is best that we move on, we never know what tomorrow is made of and we can start looking forward with optimism.

Get with a man who loves you and wants to build with you. Anyone outside of that is wasting your time.

It’s only the right person wrong time if you end up with that person later on and you’re looking back at the past . All relationships are the right person at the right time, and that means literally nothing about the longevity of the relationship

When comes to love relationship you do not lose person that was not for you . Simple as that .

Remember the other person's actions. Not only what they said. It's a way to help put your feet on the ground again. And not to just stay in "dream land". Thank you bought Matthew and Audrey. Great topic. So relatable.

I know this material is more for women, but I just wanted to let you know that this 32 year old man has been coming to your content for years through his journey. Applying the lessons I learn from you has helped me heal and overcome pain and longing that was just not ever going to let me be open to the kind of relationship I'm looking for. So excited to be in on the weekly newsletter.

After 9 years of a mature fairytale relationship, a 10 mins of break up talk and 4 years of no contact have been messing up with my mind until now...This episode was so right on time for me and I will share it with him after keeping my silence for so long.If life gets in the way and you quit the right person just like that it means it has never been the right person but it was the right time to end that relationship.Frozen desire can make you waste your soul for a long time.Thank you for the insight.

The point Matthew was trying to make is logical. We only say it's hard because we're thinking with our feelings but it is absolutely necessary to not think with how we feel, but with our logical minds. I always try to remember that it's never good to be self-indulgent with our sorrow, you can feel it, feel the sadness and grief but orient yourself to see it for what it was. We have to be the adult for our own selves and fighting what is, the reality, is not kind or helpful.

So true. I didn’t get to live out the story. We were “friends” for 18 years. He was my everyday. My best friend. .. We started a relationship and POOF, after some mild conflict, he’s gone. My heart continues to bleed for the story I didn’t get to live out 💔

The wisdom here is immense. There is no ordained ONE. Indeed relationship is as beautiful as the two people have build it. ❤❤

The right person , always be right anytime.

The tragic dream of what could have been seems to be more beautiful to us than the reality of a true relatioship. It takes no work, but it also contains no depth

Congratulations on your book, your club and especially your marriage!!!!

I'm from Europe during exchange semester I met a guy with whom I had an amazing connection... He was from New Zealand... We've never dated but we were really attached to one another we kept in touch DAILY for another 9 months after he went back home. Long story short I got obsessed about the idea of going to New Zealand and even after we stopped having contact I had this in my head. It took me 8 years, graduating university, illness and death of the father, my own depression, moving countries, lockdown to get to the point when I bought the tickets. And I went, I wrote him an email, we didn't met, he was already married with child, but I didn't care much. Because somehow obsession about the guy, evolved into obsession about travelling to the other side of the world, being independent woman who isn't afraid to do it on her own, who doesn't give up on a dream, even if it takes years. A lot of changed in my life because of it. This is what happens when you direct your energy correctly. And New Zealand was even more beautiful than I hoped in my dreams ❤❤❤

Those who play together, stay together 🥰❤️

I know all these words you said is true but life sometimes can be really tricky and its just so easy to say these things. Its sometimes so hard and confusing and sad

I find a lot of deep comfort in the Happy Enough chapter of your book. I listen to it in the car when I start to feel lonely.

I have been grieving a 6.5 year relationship for over two years now. I am doing way better than I was when the breakup first happened, but sometimes I look back on that time and that connection and it still hurts. I thought he was the one and that he would build a home and family with me. After so many years and no effort to move things toward family and marriage on his side it was too little too late. I am not as emotionally destabilized and getting lost in those sad thoughts but I still have to remind myself why he wasn’t the right one.

Yeah ... I had to learn this and I had to reconcile this without running away. Sigh.

Ah, Matthew: From that story about the tasting room and your apparently habitual overanalyzing, I can tell you're a fellow maximizer. We tend to struggle when we're not sure what's best, and I think that contributes to your points here about not knowing what's good for us. I just lost someone who I was sure was "the one" at the wrong time (he's not ready for a relationship/commitment), but my story has evolved over the month since it ended. As Audrey put it, my thoughts have lately turned toward what that experience taught me. I'm concentrating more on me than on him for the first time since we met in late January. This entire podcast was reassuring; I feel that I'm on the right path toward healing after feeling like I would never, ever get over losing this person and I'd lost my one chance at happiness. Your point about the story we tell ourselves calcifying and us bringing it to life for ourselves long after it has actually ended was such a clarifying thing to hear. He ghosted me a month ago. I've been ruminating and obsessing about him and what I did wrong ever since, but it's been over for a month. I've been keeping the story alive long after it's dead and buried. I'm also guilty of telling new people about it because I know they're listening with fresh ears, and the thought of it actually being over and that we'll never be together is so searingly painful. I'm still in pain and processing, but my story is at least evolving, finally. I did meet him completely unexpectedly (and completely romantically) in a foreign city where neither of us lived. The story could have been the start to a whirlwind rom-com meet-cute love story for the ages ... but it wasn't. It was a 0 rather than a 1 because he wasn't willing to commit. And I need to stop mourning it like it was a 1.

I had a relationship or sometimes found a girl that I though it was the one, not going to lie, I got hook but now Am starting to realize like it was said on this episode the one is going to be there om the right moment and no matter how much you mess up, there will be that connection that will triumph over above all everything else because that connection will transcend resistance and will flow as a flow in a river. So yes, better let go and see how you can improve yourself be happy and shine for other people to notice without expecting anything in return.

If two people are meant to be together, nothing can stop them. Right person wrong time is an asymmetrical relationship which was most likely lukewarm and typically only one person mourns the loss or else both knew intuitively it wasn’t the relationship for them

I am going through a breakup 💔 😞now ...I just want to forget everything and move on from my life

I needed this! After three months of a situationship he told me it won't work because perhaps it was the wrong time. I'm trying to get over this but I still can't help but feel disappointed as I ponder "what could have been". And I miss him, too.

Mathew, I would like to thank you so much. I'm currently undergoing the stage of breakup and it was too tough on me. Couldn't focus on my exams, feeling numb and upset all day. But things are improving now. It's all because of you. I still feel sad about it here and then but it's not that bad now. Your videos have helped me a lot. Whenever I go through some severe pain because of my breakup, I turn up towards your videos. It actually feels as if I'm asking you for help and you're sitting in front of me and advising me. Thank you so much ❤️

I love the idea that we should suffer for what we lost that was, not what it could have been. And it applies to a relationship that one is in, which has this unsurmountable difficulty... like, the perfect match on so many levels but there's no respect nor care involved. So you keep on beating the dead horse, keep on repeating the same errors for years in hope that something will change. So I will think about this now, think about what this relationship is, not what I wish it were, not just the highlights - but the manipulation, the disrespect, etc.

So appreciate hearing the way you put things. Sooo clarifying. Helps with the way it's muddied in my head

Please address how you are now the right people for each other, even though when you met and started dating it was not the right time?

This ❤️ Everything happens for a reason & that’s all you need to move on from these kinds of situations… You’ll find out eventually in the end why it didn’t work out 🔮

I’m also going thru a break up and I was in love with someone who she wasn’t, constantly disrespecting me and would never care to listen to how I feel or how things would make me feel uncomfortable, I did many wrong things to her for me to grab her attention so she could understand how I was hurting, you have to be someone who has the same values as you and expectations, we started off wrong and I gave in so easy without her deserving me, that’s probably why she disrespected me and now she left as a victim and I understand that she never really loved me

"A millimeter is as good as a mile."

You two make the best team. I’ve been listening to you Matthew for so long and you’ve helped me a lot with my love life. And now Audrey you bring much more depth to Matthew’s advice by bringing to the table the reasons we might struggle to apply those advices

But I did lose "the one" what we had was so beautiful and i dont think i can love someone like I loved him and i dont think someone could love me the way he did..

Epic & Spot On conversation. Just amaaaazing you two 👏👏👏👏

Wow, exactly what I needed. Saving this to listen to again sometime.

Well said both Matthew and Audrey! So happy ive got both your books and starting to read them now thanks Matthew. I know exactly where you're coming from and how you've delivered it is perfect! ❤

“ Reminding a pervious experience breaths a lot of life into an experience “ that’s a good one ! Moving on is hard and essential

I really needed to hear this today. Thank you!

Audrey speaks for so many of us….🙏

Great episode!

I love Matthew and Audrey. Love all the advice and fresh points of view. This video, though, is my ultimate favorite. I'm listening to it on repeat. A heart crushing breakup in which I was dumped has had me ruminating and not living in my reality. Listening to this until I really believe and feel the man who dumped me was a good man, but not the right man.

Love it! Went down the Levels with my Ex - Level 1 Level 2 Level 3 Level 4 - Everything - and even tho we already were at Level 4, he took back his commitment and went to Level 2 straight, broke up after 3 months out of nowhere in a very very hard time for the both of us. So well, the commitment Part hit me. Thank you!

This video is exactly what I needed to hear right now. Thank you.

This conversation was so informative and so beneficial. Thank you 🫶🏻🙏🏻🌷

I have never felt as aligned to someone else’s experience as I have with your path and your story. I’m deep into your book now and it’s a beautiful roller coaster of emotions. I am currently going through a break up with someone I was sure was “the one.” Your book and your content are comforting and reassuring. Thanks for continuously sharing your thoughts and experiences with us.

Audrey is just so lovely, I hope she makes her own channel too

This is so helpful, your insight is very interesting.

I needed to hear this. From time to time I ask myself - Do I really LIKE him?

Thank you both!

Spot on Matthew👍🏽👍🏽I needed to hear this

So good. I loved this. I am struggling with this very issue.

Thanks for the great insights! Turns out you two are the right people at the right time for me now lol

Incredible video that has helped me immensely. Thank you

Excellent podcast. Thank you both 🙏

He sounds exactly like Daniel Radcliffe

No such thing as right person wrong time The right person for you can tick all the boxes of the levels of love you can have with another person. This we should give importance to. Not our FEELINGS about someone! These levels are 1. Mutual admiration 2. Mutual attraction (This will FEEL very important but is superficial) 3. Commitment 4. Compatibility (We work, want the same things now and later, individual futures synergistic) The wrong time makes someone the wrong person (level 3&4) Approach compatibility holistically. Look at all the ways you are compatible (don't be satisfied with just one or two) because remember, this is about getting in the relationship of a lifetime Even with the right person right time you will have lots of time and effort ahead of you, and some may still not work out You've never had to live real life with the right person wrong time, only dreaming about it. And these stories make us miss our life We can feel a little arrogant, thinking this person is what we need and we know what's best for us, causing us to hyper fixate We tend to dream about being millimeters apart, but it's really a binary. Is it a one or zero? It doesn't matter how much a zero could've been a one Not to say it isn't sad or tragic or even heartbreaking It's still a loss, still a miss, and we can grieve what wasn't But don't fall in the trap of ruminating and obsessing endlessly You can be sad someone didn't turn out to be the One, but don't be so sad as if they WERE Someone BECOMES the One by having the stuff you are looking for, and THEN going all in with you to make the relationship as good as it can be A relationship becomes the greatest you've ever had because of the way the two of you can construct it, that is what makes it special Chemistry is not the construction of something. Just chemistry We can have frozen desires, ambition for someone to be at the right time for us, but only we keep it alive, because it stopped evolving a long time ago Be mindful of the stories you are telling yourself or others, because they can keep you stuck. Stories have power And we can get addicted to our thoughts, pain and feelings Ask if your story is evolving in a positive manner, and be strict with yourself if you have to be Stay open to making space for new stories We tend to choose the familiar, even if it hurts us The best things tend to be the ones we didn't plan for Question: in your love life, who is the person you haven't been able to get off your mind, that is your version of frozen desire? That represents the plans you were making or wish you could be making, that are distracting you from the path that you may take, that you didn't intend to take? That leads you to a love far more beautiful and interesting than the hollow dead fairytale you keep telling yourself over and over?

This is the most dark I've seen Matthew Hussey talk. Lovin it.

Thank you for your ambition talk. I'm looking for someone, and when we meet, it'll be something I will allow in my life.

Absolutely brilliant.

I have to see him everyday but we dont speak since two weeks, he ignores me. He became cold and distant. I found out about his girlfriend today, she works in the same company. Im crying because it got to me he was lying.❤

Great ep.

I can relate with the “right person wrong time”. I behave toxic for the first time in my life and fucked up because I started dating after moving to a new continent, alone and totally burn out:Totally wrong time. I learn a lot about myself in “low battery” life mode, and my weaknesses. But I still believe “right person, wrong time”. And If I was him, I would had also finished the dating. Humble opinion if someone can relate. Lesson: Put your shit together first, because dating takes a lot of energy and the right person will mirror shadow work for you to grow. Maybe this kind of people crosses your path just to make you grow

Any advice on on getting over someone when you have so much regret and can’t stop thinking about them my mind is driving me crazy

I love all your videos but my favorite ones are the ones with Audrey 🤗🩷

It was so good. I devoured it in two days.❤

Mr and Mrs Hussey, congratulations on your marriage. I wish and pray blessings on to your union. I love you both.

Thanks, Audrey.

Bro I’ve never felt so positively attacked in my life. I need to get this man’s books. Speaking absolute facts.

I have been so beartroken recently when a guy I had a soul mate connection with changed his mind about going out together. I met him at work and it seemed we both fancy each other. Today I found out he has a girlfriend of many years and I was only a side option for him.😢

Thank to this video.. im stuck to a story i never got to live... It has been 27 yrs and now i can move forward. The one that got away is just someone who is not meant to stay.

12:04 Thank you! Thank you for understanding us. It is a very tough one.

I really need to hear this

Thank you, that was helpful ❤

Audrey is so beautiful and has great insights❤ and Matt you are so wise.

This just hurts so much . Thank you for all your videos but realizing this just hurts

Great podcast

Thank you for it 🙏

Many thanks for your wise council. Relationships are vital to our health and well being. You and your beautiful wife have chosen such a valuable line of communication. I do wish I had known these gems of truth earlier on in my life.

I love Audrey she’s delightful

After nearly four years, this posted video is like a long-awaited 🎁 hiding under the 🎄!! Finally!! I have not lost "The One"! This supposed "One" never got away from me, because those guys who did were never the one. And there is no such thing as "right person, right time"!! I had been correct all along. Thank you for confirming this!!

How I love both of you❤. You cannot imagine how by delivering this knowledge you help me to manage my love life and help me to find my man❤ Thank you a lot. God bless both of you with endless love❤

in attachment trauma psychology this is called limerence. Those interested can look it up.

I'm loath to admit it, but as valuable and wise as this pod's content was, I was distracted for most of its duration by just how GORGEOUS Audrey's hair is!

With so many things having to align for a successful relationship I may as well give up now.

Thanks

I don‘t mean to be disrespectful because she is so, so much more than that but, Audrey is eye candy.

After decades of heartache, pain, and rejection, I have become focused on my dream of having a cabin in the mountains. I have retreated to a fantasy world where the risk of one more failed relationship is exactly zero.

Plenty of fish in the sea.😂

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 i'm dying, Shakespeare, right friend wrong time.... beyond..... 😂😂😂😂😂😂😀😀

I think the whole reason a movie stays a movie is that we have to imagine the other scenes that might have happened that we don't get to see for that person.

I have had the chance to revisit a couple of fish that got away stories… They were just as wrong the second time as they were the first.

I don't know if it is that easy to describe to others (or even ourselves). That book sounds good though.

Audrey = best questions! Edit: And comments!

Holy Shit... that passage from David Whyte's Consolation just blew my mind and Matthew's abstraction of the idea with love and relationships is spot on. For so long popular culture sold us this "Ambition" of love and when that well of frozen desire dries out, people just disengage and move on to start all over again.

Gracias ❤

Yes i know a 92 year old writer and the attraction is there but we are just friends..i'm 51.We would definately have been lovers in another life....❤

Audrey's insights starting at 26:09 re: talking about the story with friends, resurrecting the memories, and continuing to do so repeatedly for years after a breakup-and consequently staying stuck in that-was one of the most invaluable pieces of knowledge I've received since my breakup two years ago. Thank you so much, Audrey! Absolutely profound. Saved this video so I could continue to return to it and give myself that reminder whenever I need it! 🩷

thank-you guys :(