This Is What It Feels Like To Be Depressed 

Her voice is so powerful

I am afraid to die. But sometimes death seems better than living in this cruel world.

I'm afraid to die because i love my family but sometimes death seems more peaceful, better, easier

Roses aren't always red, Violets are exactly blue, The society that we live in never seem to speak the truth, Smiles aren't always happy, And frowns aren't always upset, People judge too quickly, And our feeling are what they forget.

wow this gave me chills. this girl has a very powerful voice

Her voice is so powerful... Anyone else think so?

Do you ever feel afraid to be happy?

No-one will see or read this comment but. I believe in every person with depression or any mental disorder, believe you can do it. Make it. I'm no humanitarian but your potential is so much more than what your mind tells you, and seeing people live up to their potential makes me so happy. I'm surrounded by depressed people and I can't empathize. I'm constantly thinking, what if they're killing themselves right now? And to think millions of people have been through or are going through what they are, and a percentage may not make it through. A percentage will not make it through,But you're more than a percentage, are you, You're a person, breathing and thinking,Don't lose yourself, falling, cutting or over-drinking,Such potential you hold.This struggle is temporary. I know it is cold.I know you feel alone. I know you feel scared.But into the eyes of fate stare, as many have stared,You can make it. You can, you know.You have to know this first, though.

That was beautiful.

I have anxiety and depression (and diagnosed with a lot more) and the hard part is that I want to die but am afraid of dying. So I'm in this endless cycle of denial

My depression is unexplainable

We need more girls like her in the spotlight

One annoying thing: When people say they are depressed when they're not (Don't you hate that??)

I don't suffer from severe depression but rather just mild depression. It's hard enough. I keep it all to myself because my family thinks Im the happiest thing ever. I just feel empty each day. No purpose. Just there. I probably shouldnt be complaining since I've it easy compared to so much other individuals. Thankfully I can have a moment of comfort in music. But this, this is just beautiful.

Dear Depression, Why would you make me hurt myself?? Why do you make me feel sad and not happy?? Why do you make me hate myself?? Why do you make me want to die?? Why won't you go away?? Why won't you just leave me alone??

My drepression has become soo bad to a point that....i'm not afraid to die🙇

I'm not afraid to die. I'm just afraid of how my family or friends will feel when I do. I don't want them to hurt or feel the way I felt. I just want us all to be happy.

I find it sad how many people are depressed nowadays - something went very wrong. Everyday we invent things to make life better, easier and such, but somehow all this stuff makes people even more sad. Keep up, to all of you who suffer from depression, there is a place for everyone and you will find joy in your life, one day - dont worry.

I don’t want to keep going. I’m so tired of the constant pain and stress. It’s eating me alive and I try to tough it out but I reach moment when my heart feels heavy in my chest and all I feel is empty. Walking in a world that has cast me out I can only pretend to be happy and sometimes I start to believe it but the pain always comes back. I don’t want to live anymore. I only made it these 6 years because I was scared of leaving my family behind but now I wonder if it matters anymore

Sobering. Thank you for being bold enough and brave enough to share your story, to help someone in need!!!

I wish I could tell the people closest to me "I understand" without feeling like a liar.

For me it's like I'm not always sad, it's like there is constantly just a weight.

I always return to this video every couple of months. This is why I was so shocked when I learned she died in 2022. Rest in peace, Tonya. The world will not forget you!

OMG this is so inspiring....I'm in tears....her voice and her demeanor are so powerful& confident....I'm just in awe....I understand that dark cloud of depression. Which tries to take over my mind every day...that loneliness that traps me & the voice that tells me I'll never be good enough or loved enough...ive dealt with it for most of my life that when I tried blocking out all the negative & evil things that have happened& tried taking me over that I blocked out so much of the good... ..im 37 now and finally starting to find the good from my past and remain hopeful for the good of today and I'm the future....you inspire me to remain hopeful

I actually cry every time I watch this, because it's all true, and I wish I was strong enough to let go.

At 14, I went from sad to sadder, world slowly sinking around me til all of a sudden, my world was black. At 15, I was afraid to die, but the hourglass was what ticked through my nightmares. At 16, I welcomed death with sweet nothings but he refused me every time. At 17, I was grabbed by the wrists and had my hands grip the ledge of my sadness. At 18, I've started to pull myself up. I know I'll never truly escape this, but I know I can be better. That I can feel better.

This video is so touching. I love how passionate she is and to anyone dealing with depression, good luck and remember you’re not alone ❤️

“Teased for the sneakers my mother could barely afford.” damn

I'm crying because I'm going through this........

I am afraid to die, but I am also afraid to live...

that letter was so gracious 💕💯 her words truly touched me. I struggle with suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks, and depression and hearing her story reached me to let me know im not alone💛

"Stress, anxiety and depression are caused when we are living to please others" - paulo coelho Life would be so much better if only i could implement these words in my damn life

Depression is a horrible thing. A horrific, terrible illness. It feels a way nothing else feels. It's not only sadness; it's draining, it's tiring, it takes your energy and motivation and makes you feel like you are nothing. Anyone saying this doesn't have physical effects as well is wrong. I have been struggling with depression for a long time now, and I'm finally looking for a therapist. All I need to say is if someone tells you about their depression it can be hard. You don't want others to feel burdened because of your mental illness, but telling them you love and care about them can just about mean the world to them. I know some of the smallest things make the biggest difference, like when someone asks if I'm feeling okay out of the blue. It shows you care, and that's truly helping. Sometimes you'll feel alone in this world. You'll be surrounded by those who love you, but you feel like there is no one by you. Just remember, things will look up, you just have to stay positive and not push yourself too hard. If you have depression and you're reading this, as someone with depression, I get what you're going through. Sometimes it feels like the whole world will come crashing in, but you'll be okay. I promise

I just wanna hug you and comfort you until I drown that depression with love for good

Worst of it is, I can act and hide my depression so well people think me to be the happy person.

Oh my god. Thank you so much. You literally saved my life. I was going commit suicide this Sunday, I was even planning it. I’ve dealt with so much bull crap that I can’t take it anymore. But, you made me realize that my life is so much more living and there is a reason why I was given it. I will not be silent anymore. I will be loud, let joy overtake to the point where they think I’m crazy. Thank you. God bless you. ❤️

The scariest part about having depression and being suicidal is that even looking at any type of sharp object can have your thoughts screaming "take it! You can kill your self right now and you won't have anyone stop you."

I uses to not understand this video, but now that I am rewatching it it makes me cry. Thank you to the girl in this video.

I'm just glad I'm not the only one dealing with this. Best of life for you, love, and happiness.

I am 11 and has had depression for 3-4 years and and feel like I am the only one and I can relate to this a lot and I would like to say thank you. Thank you for answering my call of help to find help you are a hero along with a ton of amazing people

i hate depression so much

can we see more of this girl? she is such a beautiful speaker.

Wow this is truly beautiful. I sent this to my friend dealing with this right now he's suicidal and I've gone through just what he has and am trying to help him.

THIS WAS SO INSPIRING TO ME!! It was exactly what I needed right now. I'm having a really hard time because my depression has been acting up like crazy. Thank you so much, Boldly, for making me realize that I'm going to be okay, and I will get through this.

I feel so alone. I am so alone. I want to fight, but it would take a miracle for a single scared girl to fight of the thousand man army that is depression. I want out.

i cry i cut i sob but somehow i still call myself beautiful somehow i keep myself alive somehow im still here and im proud im proud of being okay and saving myself

Always manage to shed a tear watching this. Gives me hope that there is life and happiness beyond somewhere depression.

"I'm afraid to die" Hit me in the soul and again tears running down my face Man.

I don't want to die.. But I want to go to a place between life and death where I don't have to feel anymore..

She is so passionate... 👏🏻😊 good luck on everyone dealing with this

I can't believe soooo many people are going through a lot of stuffs 😢😢😢 and when I research more on the type of depression it saddens my heart to know that actual people who haven't done anything wrong goes through this. I hope you all get better and please remember you're never alone, many people are going through the same or even worse things and they are still fighting. They think of you and it makes them stronger, so please don't give up.💖💗💙💜❤︎

In the first few months of depression, the pain felt raw and new. But after a year, it’s happiness that’s new.

I'm in the point of my life that I can see no light. This video hit me hard because that is how I'm feeling. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of fighting. Somedays I feel like just to fall asleep and never wake up. But I have to fight because my parents are fighting for me, with me. I have to defeat it but it's just so hard. I just want it to be over with.

I hate it when people think depression is all sadness when it's not it's : .guilt .insecurity .sadness .and nothing

Beautiful and brave my friend!! Thanks for sharing this one! Sheds much light and courage!

Anxiety is an overprotective mother. It has good intentions. It’s just trying to keep me safe. From myself. It saw my emotions as a threat. It took them away and hid them in a shelf up high. I can’t reach my emotions anymore. All I can feel is fear now. It’s fear or nothing. And that just makes me scared to think about. But I’ll grow. I’ll be able to reach them soon. And soon. My anxiety wont be able to stop me.

It hurts to be myself. It hurts more at home than school. It hurts to be called stupid just because of a pity test, while I tried me hardest. It hurts to be lonely. It hurts to be depressed.

Praying to everyone who suffers from an illness, depression, disease, anything that causes you physical, emotional, or mental pain. I wish I could let go. This video really touched me. I cried.

This is so powerful thank you so much for making this it makes me cry but helps me feel strong at the same time this is beautiful

this video gave me anxiety because its so true. depression feels like something burning your happiness and making or stopping thisngs that you want to do.People always tell me I am happy or to stay positive but it only makes it worse when you think about it and you know how that feels.

Anyone else there with depression who has forgotten almost everything about what happened during and before they were depressed??

Everyone thinks that depression is a joke or an emotion that lasts for a couple of seconds, minutes, or even hours. Depression is the most real it can ever be and it is something that lasts longer than an emotion.

Wow !!! I really needed this . My son is dealing with depression and I don’t know what to do. Thank you this really helps. It gives me some insight into his world..

This is Beautiful! I felt every word she said. Those who are dealing with depression, do not be ashamed to ask for help.

"This is your open letter, something to remember. We can still keep fighting even though life is not forever." ~ Open Letter by The Amity Affliction

Depression to me. Is a big black hole you can never get out of and it keeps getting deeper and deeper slowly suffocating me..

I've struggled with depression throughout my childhood and teen years and I am struggling with it now more than ever. This video made me not feel so alone.

Lady, you're amazing! This touched every part of my soul. Thanks for writing and sharing. Snaps!

[I am sharing this because I need to vent sometimes, also because of the people who might think that they are alone, I am NOT sharing this because I want or need attention. I would never joke or fake that I have depressed.] First of all, depression isn't something you decide to have, it sneaks up on you and can be all-consuming. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm depressed before I catch myself constantly thinking bad things about myself, thinking that everyone around me thinks badly of me, and when my thoughts drift to suicide. I can lay in my bed at night wide awake with negative and angsty thoughts running through my head. And other times I can sleep for the entire day not wanting to be around people. Or rather, I can't be around people. My mind makes me analyze and second-guess everything, it makes me distrust anyone I meet and I convince myself they are talking behind my back, that they secretly think badly of me. It makes me feel unloved, it makes me feel worthless and ugly both inside and out. I can be waiting for the bus and the thought of walking in front of it crosses my mind. I can be cooking dinner and suddenly those angsty and negative thoughts take over and it would be JUST SO EASY to cut my wrist. Those are my bad days, my really f*cked up days. And then there's the numb days. Those days are dangerous in their own way because I don't feel anything mentally. Nobody knows my thoughts or how I feel because I keep it all bottled up inside. I keep that painful smile plastered onto my face and act like the "normal" woman people around me think me to be, because I am too afraid. I'm afraid that they won't believe me. I am afraid that their eyes that once looked at me with love will look at me with pity, that they will act differently around me and treat me like a broken object that can be FIXED BACK TO NORMAL. But I am not something that can be fixed back to normal, because THIS is the normal me. This is what I have been living with, or rather coexisted with for so many years. Some days are worse than others, but I also have those good days you know. The days (and fleeting thoughts during my bad days) when I fight to remind myself how much I am loved and how much I will hurt the ones who love me if I leave this world.

This made me cry and I never understood depression.

I have been depressed, for I don’t even know anymore how long. But now, anytime I am sad and think about hurting myself, I remember the nice moments I had with my boyfriend and what might come. I am lucky that I finally had someone. Despite him, scars are forever.

The last two senren really hit me hard. I find myself going back to this video whenever things get rough and it helps a lot

Holy shit... getting a little teary eyed. Wasn't expecting this to be so powerful. I've been afflicted by depression for as long as I can remember, and this... this is amazing.

this made me cry do hard because she said everything im feeling and nobody ever made me feel this hopeful that one day things will get better

I kept thinking these hardships would go away with time but this poem speaks volumes. Have been dealing with rheumatoid arthritis recently and keep thinking does it and will it ever end? It’s no joke to deal with this fight

I can't put what this video made me feel into words. I needed it. It was beautiful. Anxiety &/or Depression does not define me, it is a feeling that I am not afraid to embrace because my feelings are valid. Ignoring or devaluation of your feelings only worsens your situation. This is a battle I will win, I will wake up with a smile on my face and each day I will feel accomplished. I am not what I feel, I am strong and I am courageous. & so are you.

I feel her pain she is so powerful it hurts she is showing me I don't need to listen to those voices saying just stop it all. This women has shown me depression doesn't haft to win I believe in her and now she is a great inspiration to me.

My depression is getting worse and I feel like I can't do anything because now I'm getting mad at people who don't deserve my anger. I need help.

I have been facing depression lately and this probably ended it. I am so happy I saw this video it is amazing.

took me so long to realize how depressed i am... now that i know, then maybe i can move forward. it will get better, i hope. please pray for me. the only thing that scares me is that no matter how hard i work on getting better, there's no guarantee that it won't come back again in the future and knock me out into another episode of absolute existential despair. my depressive episodes are getting so scary, and they hurt SO badly.. the nights become unbearable... somedays the only thing that keeps me from committing suicide is the fact that i wouldn't want anyone to know that I'm suicidal, and i still can't think of a way that would make it look like an accident. please pray for me.

I'm Depressed But People Say "It Is A Phase" "You Are Being Immature" "You Are Being In Grief"

Depression to me is a lot of work that gives me insomnia and making me not eat or have friends that makes me stressed out and scarred

I feel how u do I have Anxiety and Depression

This made me cry so hard because I feel the same and at a very young age this makes me feel useless This is the best advice so far and I appreciate her for moving on She is surely special and is blessed with the opportunity to talk loudly clearly and proudly about this

It makes me so angry when somebody says to me, "Oh, cheer up already!" I wish I can. ... But I can't.

This is so true, going through depression is like hell. I wish it didn't exist. Because of depression I cried everyday, I locked myself in my room, I started to hate myself, I started cutting and starving myself and thinking about/trying to attempt suicide numerous times. It took my grandpa's life and it almost took mine. I'm glad to say I'm all better now but I'm left with scars on my arms but that's okay because it reminds me of what I have overcome. Everyone be strong it will get better, I promise. :)

That was beautiful and so so powerful. I cant say it helped me out of a dark place but it did shine a little light. More people need to see this, it is such a wonderful message.

Thank you for posting these videos, I have depression and I’m very suicidal.. especially like moments rn.

it's so sad that depression destroyed my life. At 9 years old I already had scars on my arm at 13 it was so much more. I didn't want to end my life I wanted to end my pain, but to this day I don't know how. I trying and trying to be strong but every day I feel like I'm losing the battle.

At some point I thought she was about to rap

I have never related to anything like this in my life Thank you Tonya!

I've gotten used to the sadness. I honestly don't remember what my old happy life was like. All I know is I miss it so much.

I hate it when people use depression and other mental issues as a card for attention. "Oh, I have depression! (Giggle giggle!) I'm so sad!" "Oh, I have logic and common sense! (Giggle giggle!) I'm so tempted to slap you!"

Depression. I remember when I first met you. Not long ago. You cam along with anxiety to ruin my life. And it's only been a few months. I'm only 12. Soon to be 13 next month. And I'm becoming sadder and sadder. No one in my family understands. They think that the way I act is only a phase. That I'll get over it. All I have are my friends. The friends who my mother says "don't truly care about me". The friends that help me get through this whirlwind of emotions and sadness. The friends who show me that self harm and death is not the answer. The friends who I can talk to, and I know I can trust them. Depression, you've told me things, and made me do things, that I would have never thought to do. Back when I promised myself, when I vowed that no matter what happens in life, I will stay strong, and I will not cut, I will not become suicidal. You have lead me to break my promise. To break my mother's heart. To raise my voice to my older brother for the first time in my life. To become a person I would have been afraid of. I'm afraid of death. I'm afraid of living. I'm afraid of being loved, and being forgotten, thrown away like I never even existed. I'm afraid of what will come next. I'm afraid of myself. Of what I'll do next. Of what I'll think to do to myself. I will stay strong. I will not loose this battle. I will fight. Depression and anxiety will not win. They may stay, forever even. They may leave. Either way. They. Will. Not. Win. Sincerely, Alyssa.

This is probably my favorite BuzzFeed video ever. I haven't watched it in a while but I do remember it feeling so relatable when I watched for the first time. I hope that this Tanya girl is doing alright. 😊😊

I am so blessed to not be dealing with a mental issue as horrid as depression. My heart goes out to anyone battling depression. Stay strong! 💕

They need to make one on anxiety I have anxiety/depression and I have fought through suicidal thoughts and i wanted to say anyone who is suicidal please tell someone an adult or friend or even hotlines on google please get help, If i did you can to and now i realize that life is amazing

She is the most beautiful woman I've seen all day.

I’m not afraid to die, and I’ve been going in and out of depression for a long time. Last night was really rough. I feel so emotionless but emotional all at the same time. It’s gotten to a point where I feel better when I am alone and sad, rather than happy. And I always feel like I’m alone, like nobody is around and I am living in a ghost town.

I’ve been listening to this for the past 3 years and every single time I‎t has made me cry and I’ve remembered every word she’s saying