Three Things You Should Never Say To An INFJ 

I think out of all types we probably have the greatest desire to research ourselves. Most people say it's because we're self-centered (as if there is something wrong with understanding yourself), I believe it's because we do think quite differently, and we seek some understanding of our place. :-)

Me and most other INFJs I know reflect a lot about themselves and do research about our "alien" behaviour. 👽

@@silva-schattensang hahaha yeah😁

That's how my mbti obsession began

I started researching my personality type about a year ago because I just felt out of place no matter where I went or what I was doing, I know I'm vastly different from the majority of people I come around and I couldn't understand why I am the way I am so I started searching for personality traits and stumbled upon this infj deal, and sure enough, the description is dead on.

Always happy to get a chuckle out of that line! Thank you for watching Daine!

Daine Cando :( lmfaoooo

hahahaha

what if you are an infj in a relationship with another injf? i started talking with this girl and shes an infj too

I literally laughed out loud and then yelled "Hey!".....I'm not overly sensitive, just highly sensitive. lol

It is indeed!

good for you!

Same!!

Entirely liberating. It's my new favorite word.

Yup. At some point around 30 years old I learned how to just shut people's nonsense...T F...down

I hope that sense of community carries on for all time! Thank you so much! I appreciate you!

47 year old INFJ here - & I was just thinking the exact same thing!!!

I would love to hear more INFJ perspectives.

Blood brothers!

I could have written your comment. My tribe! 💪🏽

Do I ever!

My INFJ brain would read it as: "You know what, I'm done with this (FINE)! Be an antisocial loser (Stay home)! I'll go by myself because you don't want to be a friend right now (I'll go alone)." Getting this would destroy my ability to recharge even if I'm alone. The guilt would kill me.

Lmao yes actually happened to me today

YES!!!!! They say "Fine. Stay home. I'll go alone." We hear: Fine Ya selfish lil BISH! Stay home, Like the horrible person you are! I'll go alone SINCE YOU HAVE ABANDONED ME!"

what i hear is, i don't like you i am going to go and find someone else because your a loser, and i am giving the G rated version :)

I will find subtext where there is ZERO SUBTEXT. It's almost a source of pride being able to take things so wildly out of context that I can destroy myself for, like, 4 days.

@@DavidBadurina Dude, why do we do that to ourselves! Haha I overthink till I destroy any hope of anything going good even though everything will end up fine.

@@DavidBadurina me me me. Even watching random movies will turn me into a conspiracy theorist

I feel you

Sounds VERY CHILDISH THINKING FOR A YOUNG ADULT. OR CHILDISH TEENAGERS THINKING. NOT GOOD. YOU CAN LEARN DIFFERENT SKILLS TO THINKING LIKE AN ADULT In their 20s & early 30s. Time to GROW THROUGH & evolve!💡🔎🔬💡💡💡👌👌👌👌👌

This is great! It took me being bitten a few times to be able to spot it, and to let go and understand that I can't "fix" a narcissist.

@@DavidBadurina I get that as I dated a borderline and a histrionic before I was struck with an attack of sanity. That was long ago. Through both my training and therapy, I have been able to give up the need to "fix" other people. I still care for them, but I can let them be where they are.

Brandy Lee Ledford I see it a mile away but I’m still drawn to them because I feel like there is opportunity to help them heal... the downside is having bit and pieces of your soul taken to the grinder.

Parents...

@@brandyleeledford4232 mine too.

I believe so! Add INFJness to the lexicon too!

I'm going to start saying this

Its an attachment word

Lydia Boden but make sure the ink is in small text.....lol

AH! I say "not my circus not my monkeys" ALL the time in regards to the same thing. And YES, knowing you can't save everyone (as much as it may suck to understand that) is very worthwhile when it comes to protecting yourself from the toxic folks out there. Thank you so much for this comment!

I prefer it too, but if you ARE going to text ... GET TO THE POINT. Subtext makes me want to hurl myself into traffic! Thanks for commenting, I appreciate you!

So true. I often keep calls to an abrupt minimum... rarely is the conversation urgent enough to forego waiting to tell in person or even better, a quick text.

I am a text queen. I dont mind talking on a land line for a bit. But when I am having alone time I dont wanna talk. I try to call everyone back.

Yes! Be concise! IF you're going to call me, then have something to say. If you just want to chat, we can do that when we see each other the next time. I often have "dying batteries" or "food on the stove" and find ways to get off the phone. Bleh. Leave me alone, LOL.

@@tedlogan4867 Totally

A couple picked up on it. Keen ear! ;-)

I did

Of course I did I'm an INFJ 😉

@@DavidBadurina where are all the women at??

@@samanthagabbidon6065 Here's the reality, female INFJs are more prevalent than male INFJs by about a 2-1 ratio. Most INFJ material is geared towards women. There is not much out there for us male INFJs. I am thankful for this as being a male introverted, intuitive, feeler goes against the dominant culture. It's more okay for women to be that way than it is for men.

Absolutely! And knowing that is a real key to being a healthy person with healthy relationships! Good on you!

;-)

Jessica Zimmer Hahahaha!!!! I’ve had to learn to say I’m sorry. In therapy. And for what?!!! I don’t get it. I’m sorry??!!! For what?

First of all I'm a firmament believer and this buddy wonderful makes sense, however I think the numbers of us are a wee bit bigger than first thought, maybe it was the video games or the porn I'm not sure?? , Translation: I'm a INFJ too dammit! ! I'm afraid I fall into that crystal clear Lake too. I've been doing INFJ for a very long funky time as a professional. There is a few more things to trigger a INFJ but we learn to handle it over time, like dropping the thot is a art to be mastered, should I care!? Does it matter more than what I'm doing right now? Thanks buddy splendidly spectacular ,

@@jencgold it fools the other person into being nicer than they would have been if you didn't say sorry, so it's evilly forcing others to be nice subconsciously as you brainwash them into thinking you are nice, and it gets you ready to visit Canada and it's opposite to rude, and can be used against your enemies because then they have to say sorry also because it catches them off guard, sorry for this, LoL thanks

Wow Carly. That is definitely intense. Thank you for watching, and I appreciate the heartfelt comment. Best to you. I appreciate you!

My heart is going a little crazy after reading this. I relate to all of that. I work at a theme park, so when I get home I'm not only extremely exhausted, but sometimes very depressed. I get why now.

@@Guppypoo I'm glad that you might understand why you feel so depressed and exhausted after working. Most people just let all those little things go by without even noticing. But, the great thing about you is that you have a chance to smile at the person that everyone is ignoring or run over and pick up someone's sweater that fell on the ground and give it back or maybe using your sensitivity, you might notice someone who is nervous because they don't like being in crowds and you can notice them and say something like, I love that sweater you're wearing. It looks so good on you. Those are the things that fill me up because if you make a difference to someone who's suffering or someone just needs to see the humanity that still exists in people's souls that are extremely sensitive, then it takes the edge off of the pain. I'm struggling so much right now because I don't drive and I need that side kick to take me to the places where people need love and kindness and generosity. I have so much of that to give. But when I'm alone, the loneliness is eating me away. I don't feel uplifted when I make a bubble bath for myself or order a special meal that I love and eat it alone. I want to go back and look in people's eyes and when I know that they know God, then that opens up a wonderful experience. I was in a Costco once and I was very upset because someone was treating me bad and I noticed a woman sitting on a bench and I felt that feeling I get when I know someone knows God so I sat next to her and I said out loud... Do you know God? and she said, as a matter of fact I do. So, I asked her if she would pray for me. I already felt a connection and she said sure wait a minute, I'll get my husband. This very tall man walked up and she said this is my husband, Bob, he is a minister. And, she explained to her husband that I was asking for prayer. The next thing you know, I have this giant man's hand wrapped around mine until it disappeared and his petite wife is holding my other hand and they are talking to God and asking Him to help me and bring me peace. My eyes were closed so I had no idea that my sister who had brought me there and about a half a dozen other people were just standing there watching us. As I remember, both of my hands were in each of theirs and as I walked away from them I could feel the palms of my hands vibrating with energy. It was so strong that I placed my palms together and just felt such a wonderful feeling peace in that energy. My hands felt pulled together as if by magnets and I didn't want to separate them. After a while in in the car, I finally pulled them apart and I kissed the palm of each hand. That's what I don't have because my husband died. Everywhere we went we made people smile. we would notice something special about them that no one else had ever noticed and we would tell them about it. Together our energies of love for people and kindness was an adventure and joy. Anyway, thank you for listening. You'd be surprised how many people just don't give a darn. Love, Carly 💜

@@simplyme7821 I'm sorry you don't have the opportunity to help others. When I started researching what an INFJ was, I didn't think that I was one to help others. Or I didn't think I'd care to change the world or make an impact. Talk about not being self aware. That's all I do is help people. Like you said, I'm in a position to help those around me and I do. Rather compulsively. I saw a grandmother say something of a rejectful nature to a girl. The girl didn't say anything or cry but I felt it. I was close to tears. I couldn't do anything about it. I did glare at the woman. Later I told the girl her face paint looked super cute and she smiled. Something cool is I know God too. I'm so happy you found that couple at Costco. You and God having a Powow will help recharge you too. It's literally what saved my life.

@@Guppypoo I don't think many INFJs think about how they might be able to make a huge change in the world although, I think we could. But I believe that whenever you recognize that we are all children of God and you see someone suffering and you do something to lighten their load then you have done a great thing. My Mark had told me 23 years ago that his life's mission was to stop the cycle of addiction and therefore help the children of addicts to have a more stable and happy life. I had a printed piece of paper taped to my wall for many years. It said, I long to accomplish a great and Noble task but, it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and Noble. Helen Keller. I realized when I was in my early 30s that I wanted to make other people feel happy and safe even if I didn't feel that way. And this quote touched my heart and became the way I lived. You never know what small kindness that you give to someone might just effect not only them but the people that they come in contact with. Thank you for writing to me. Love, Carly

Thank you! Appreciate you hanging out here!

hello -- google 'highly sensitive person' 'HSP' or go to hsperson.com/ … (:

I find that I am highly sensitive to over-sensitive people. The taco bell example. I would get frustrated with that person. But if the dishes pile up, the toilet clogs, i get a flat tire and have to change it in the rain. None of that bothers me .

I love that statement too.

So glad! You are among friends Marlaine!

I got elated as hell when the video started. My energy resonates with David’s ❤️

You are NOT joking!

I mean, at least aliens are cool, right? :-)

We are Aliens... But we aren't alone. We are also good looking and popular. In a sense 😏

Does being a INFJ mean we r doomed to be single for the rest of our lives? That’s what I heard. Maybe it is true because I’ve been single for YEARS. I was thinking about that today. Because of my personality I ALWAYS mess it up a little after I meet someone. It goes good in the beginning but then my INFJ kicks in & I mess it up. I almost feel like I will be single for the rest of my life:( Do you have a video on relationships?

@@anamarijamilos1290 no... We won't always be single. And no.. we don't mess it up, we survive. Our gift and curse is that we have experience and are tuned into higher perception. We ghost because the other person has displayed characteristics that we know to be toxic. You are single because the guys you meet haven't been the type to be honest with themselves or you. You most likely don't want to deal with the drama of not trusting someone because the guys you meet have shown signs of not being trust worthy. Inconsistencies, right? They think they are getting over or just going along and you see it all... All the red flags. You will commit to a relationship when you find someone REAL. Just my perspective... My apologies, I know you weren't directing your comment at me.

Stephen Nesmith I couldn’t agree more. Definitely our gift and a curse. I ALWAYS think I’m cursed when it comes to men:(

Oh, I love being let off the hook too, but at the same time (maybe this is more a "me" thing than an "INFJ" thing) I feel a cascade of guilt for NOT going, particularly when the person inviting me isn't terribly understanding. That gets rough! Thank you for watching and commenting!

@@DavidBadurina I have felt the guilt too, but less and less over time as I've realised it's okay to do what's best for me, even if other people dont like it.

I would see that as manipulation and codependency is their issue... I no longer feel terrible, I would feel disrespected

Oh God , My Goddess Supreme got me to cry tears of joy last May. First time since 91 when my black stallion died.

ENTP (sociopath); can’t relate lol 😂 But on a serious note, you should do what’s best for you, and surround yourself with people who put you first. If you’re going to put someone else’s needs above yours, you should make sure that they’d do the same for you.

That's awesome, Jeff! Thank you for the comment! Glad I could get a laugh for you! :-)

Until today, I still want and yearn to learn why people do the things they do and I have no clue

@@jayjay-dl8gy that same question burns brightly in mind. Oh boy they're is so much out there on this. Obviously Carl Jung has helped me greatly understand myself and others. Dr. Jordan Peterson has been very very helpful. Studying spirituality with great teachers has been most helpful. Check out the Phoenix Journals. Amazeballs. Hint hint I am not infj. I am an ENTP. My girl is an infj. I think I'm not cut out for her. On top of being a country boy I'm a veteran and a man's man and I'm not sensitive enough and things that seem little and trivial to me can and have been huge deals to her. To me they are like roadside bombs. I cannot see them and I don't know when one will go off but when it does there will be an outburst of some kind. Doesn't seem fair. Enough to give a guy post relationship stress disorder. No matter. She got angry at me just today, words were exchanged and she packed up her shit and left. Possibly for good. Only 8 hours ago. That's why I'm here. I searched for how to talk to an infj and this video came up first. Good video too. I honestly don't know if I'm up for or even capable of being in a relationship with an infj and at the same time be true to myself. Time will tell. First we have to see if she'll be back. Entp's are also highly introverted at times and my god do I love my space and my alone time. Her coming here has been one change after another and it's never enough for her. She will change every last thing about this house and if I say anything about it I'm Hitler. I would have to bite my tongue a whole lot. ENTP's are called loud nerds for a reason. I smell trouble ahead. Rough seas. Wish me luck.

Exactly! How can people NOT feel every living things pain?

Oh "Calm Down" is a surefire way to make certain that I will do the opposite haha.

Hi Kathryn! We are all unique and we all have some kind of issues! You're not alone here! Thanks for watching!

You are not a freak darling.. welcome to the family

For me it usually is haha, but I hear that!

3 weeks ... AT LEAST, Melanie! :-)

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Maybe 3 months ought to do it!

LOL we need to fulfil our social obligations.

This is soooooo me!! Lol😂

I'm grateful it's resonating! Thank you!

Shes always going to have issues that she will have to learn to overcome herself, that has nothing to do with anything other than being naturally overly self critical and self destructive. We are a turbulent leaning type.. don't blame yourself!

All depends on the person! I'm more of an independent myself, but I enjoy mentoring!

Nice.

God Spark SO VERY TRUE. And we like it like that.

UNLESS, we don't have the energy left. Then we will look for someone else to lead... the RIGHT way... and if they DON'T... we are over it... OVER.IT. and guess what? No, stop, just stop. I'm just going back to leading myself.

so true.... I travel alone a lot, people don't understand how.... um bc that's what I like, I'll find company when I need it

Fun fact, I didn't recall saying that until after I recorded and started editing it.

Quite true!

Exactly can we say guilt trip from hell because they don't want to be alone wherever it is that they are going! Alot of times they don't even take the time to consider that mabey we aren't interested in the same things as they are and wouldn't enjoy it like they do! Sometimes I will go with them anyway because I feel bad about it but then when it comes to something I like that they don't and I ask them to go with me they make up a lame excuse which I see right through and I'm just supposed to except it! Uuuuuuh!

tbh I could see myself saying it that way.

I wouldn't argue with that!

Jay T or narcissist

Overthinking is my default state!

I could easily say that people telling me im overthinking is my number one complaint that I get. It doesn't matter if it's in a relationship, at work, or with friends.

INFJ brain: */sbin/brain:* Segmentation fault

I dont talk much especially on the phone. I say what needs to be said an d get off.

looking pathetic is my default state

It's not a great way to get someone to calm down, especially if you shout it!

L James I get mad, then I cry angry tears...

It does capture a lot of the mood, right? Thanks for watching! Give INFP a pat on the back for me. :-)

@@DavidBadurina INFJ is a mood - I quote you on that :)

Thanks Bryan! I appreciate you!

Hi Amy!! Haha I'm so glad I was able to coax a comment out of you! I feel honored! THAT TEXT IS THE WORST! Just saying. Thanks so much for watching and commenting! I appreciate you!

@@DavidBadurina I usually ask there's no tomorrow like today.

@@samanthagabbidon6065 Great way to turn it around!!

Right!? Fast track to destroy my brain, always.

What I think about is the possibilities that the text could mean and the feelings behind each possibilitie gets me thinking while trying to process the possibilities through imagination,logic,circumstance,experience and most of all feeling then trying to come up with the most logical explanation. But there is no emotion behind said text to read so you compare try to compare there experiences with you to try to understand what you could have done wrong. (Im trying my hardest to explain this.) You can't understand it because if you don't have the answer "what we need to talk about" so that leaves extreme overthinking.

This is exactly right! On a more basic level, it's the "Oh crap what did I do now?" response. Made worse if you have a partner who says, "You don't know what you did wrong?" Haha.

@@DavidBadurina My previous boss had a policy of "no news is good news" which made me paranoid. My current boss (who is so much better) can freak me out be asking me to come to his office so we can talk. I have learned to do a lot of self talk to help me recognize it is likely not bad.

@@velojayf I hate bosses that either text "can we talk?" or ask me to come to their office. I find it to be a mind F. Especially when they ask me to come to their office. Then it also becomes a power trip. I would much rather them drop by my workspace or just talk with me during regularly scheduled meetings.

HA! Kim! Right? It breaks my brain ... every. time.

@@DavidBadurina 😆 The Curse of the INFJ'S

My other go-to is "Bob Frapples!"

"Yu Suk"

Exactly! Haha.

If you want to mitigate that, you should teach yourself to take it as not being that important if he doesn't want to tell you right away what's going on. That really helps protect your sanity.

@@Robidu1973 thank you!

Absolutely right!

Absolutely. I'm okay with, "Yes, that's fine." but just "Fine." has such a totally different tone!

Feelings Inside Not Expressed There's more being said with that line than they intended to convey. lol

Thank you! My oldest is an INTJ as well and I'd totally agree - he's very direct in short texts and there's no ambiguity. It's refreshing!

infj_writer that’s ‘cause INTJs are awesome.

I am not going to disagree with that at all.

When people do this on purpose i see they are trying to teach me not to be me. They can't get it, so its sweet and annoying they are so on the otherside of reality.

People do it, though! I have a few friends with a flair for the dramatic, and even though I know their intention isn't to manipulate, it still drives me mad!

I used, "Could we talk later?" with an infj friend, stopped using It after she said she hates It but well, sometimes We do need to talk and, while people need space and time, we cant just run away from problems. If we get into a fight or something, I cant just pretend that nothing happened and I want us to talk it out peacefully and get to a conclusion and get closure. Otherwise I cant function and overthink our relationship. Therefore I do use this sentence and Its still way better then just coming up spontaneously to someone and forcing drama on him/her when he/she didnt expect It.

I don't think sense of humor is part of type as much as it is part of experience, though certainly being in tune with others does help with material! Thank you for the compliment and watching! I appreciate it!

You are NOT kidding! Haha! Thank you for this!

Ibid

My brother in law “You should come party with us every weekend! It’s great “ Me - total mental breakdown.

Penney Burgess I have a get together next weekend and I’m already freaking out about it! I feel the same way!

Even your text shows that you are truly INFJ. There is a lot of thought from your text.

EXACTLY! More like, "TELL ME WHAT IT IS RIGHT NOW WHAT HAVE I DONE?"

I would add “call me” to the list. It takes me too long to get mentally ready to call and order take out, to call a friend for a positive reason. It will take me way longer to work up to calling someone in response to that kind of text definitely more than 24 hrs, maybe months, years probably never.

Hahaha

Haha, I do not, but if I did, I'd feel really bad for them!

I saw a real one: Chew Kok. I prefer Yu Suk. lol

Exactly. There goes my brain! Thanks for playing!

Thanks for watching!

"you think too much" and "you are overthinking" are definitely two different things.

EXACTLY! Touchy is one thing, sensitive is something different entirely! Thank you so much for watching and commenting!

Exactly right, Tracy!

It's a feeling!

I have a few people like that around me too! They know me well enough by now to know how to not get me going, and I know them well enough by now to know that this is how they are. :-)

@@DavidBadurina You're fortunate. She's known me for decades and nothing's changed. Then again I guess a person has to WANT to change for something to actually change. Oh well.

@@angelus_solus Unfortunately you cannot help a person who doesn't want to receive help. Tends to drive me nuts on a regular basis. It's like talking to a brick wall with the exception that a brick wall usually pays more attention... :/

Sarah haha! GO GET EM! ;-)

That is a major struggle for sure. I get it - whether it's family gatherings or events that you can't bring yourself to get to or even something as simple as a group of friends asking to hang out! Thanks for watching and best of luck to you!

Right!? Haha. Glad you liked that!

Intrusive is an apt term for sure! Thank you for watching!

I hear that James! I want the same, but it's just not gonna happen!

I appreciate that! INFJing ftw!

Thank you so much! Appreciate you!

Glad it resonated and thank you for watching!

The. Worst!

haha this almost always triggers the word 'con-versation' to pop up in my mind which leads me to thinking that they will 'con' me into something (especially if i've been given 15 seconds to read the persons intent) to which i instinctively reply: (walks out the room)

AH! "Must be nice" is a terrible one. Like, "Oh your life is so grand and mine is crap don't you feel better." That's pretty manipulative. LOL Panda Express. LIVING THE DREAM! ;-)

It just might be the event that finally starts another civil war.

Appreciate that! Thank you!

Glad to hear it! Thanks for watching! :-)

Thank you so much! I appreciate you watching!

So glad it resonated! Appreciate you watching!

Thank you!

Hey Ricky! Thank you! It is my worst as well. I think it affects a lot of people, for sure, but some are just able to handle it a bit better than a professional over-thinker! :-)

Good on you for knowing where the boundaries are! Even if it hurt a little trying to find where you need to place them! Thank you so much for watching, I appreciate you!

Daniel Banas he tells me all the time that helped him a lot and that I’m a big part of his life. If I could go back I would have only set stronger boundaries.

Haha well we do have some similarities! Everyone's different of course, but if you're an INFJ you have some common inner workings, that's for sure! Thank you for watching!

Hey Jess! I'm just happy you dig the video!

Hi Jen! Thank you and YES that one drives me crazy!

Thank you for commenting! BONUS POINTS for a Marcus Aurelius reference! Stoicism ftw!

Oversensitive has that bad connotation to it, you just feel things in an intense way and that's not a bad thing!

Amanda O that’s narcissistic people, that’s there favourite quote.

Amanda O me too, but I embrace it as my gift to the world.

Yup! "Don't be mad" is another one. Why set it up like that?

Hey Kyle! Crowds are tough. I'm okay with a great many people around me for a little while, but if I have to INTERACT with a great many, it drains me very fast. Thank you for commenting!

That sounds like Fe working for him when you bring it up and he changes the behavior or at least clarifies and says, "It's just on my mind, it's not bad." Communication is key! Kudos to you both!

I hear that, Susan!

That "K" text says a lot for one little letter, doesn't it?

@@DavidBadurina it truly does! I dont have time for mind games 🤷🏽‍♀️🤣

Thank you! Glad something resonated!

I have it on a mug! Haha. Glad you like the puppets!

HAHA! Jeana! The Spears thing is hilarious! Whatever, right? You do you! I shaved my head last year, loved it! Growing it back out now, love that too! Whatever makes you feel comfy in your own skin, right?

Oh that's a good one!

OMG! That sounds so much like projection, just as if the speaker is attempting to play the smart-ass card. Such a phrase makes me want to quote Dieter Nuhr (many greetings from DE, btw): "Wenn man keine Ahnung hat, am besten einfach die Klappe halten!" (translation: "If you don't have any idea, best you'd shut up!")

@@Robidu1973 But, I do have some idea. Btw, why did you jump on the train and decide to be a sponge?

@@theresag1969 Could it be that you are taking things personally that absolutely aren't meant that way? Besides, I have noticed the quotation marks that you have set in your OP...

That's the line right there. You know what I'm saying. :-)