Christopher, this was such an interesting topic that I've never heard spoken about before. Normally time and forgetting is considered a good thing when it comes to trauma, but in my experience the memories can get distorted and confused leading to other issues. I, too, had a very unfortunate abusive relationship as my first real experience with 'love', which shaped how I acted in relationships. I pushed the memories down and tried to forget thinking time would heal, but it manifested in constant dreams which I still get weekly. I found myself telling myself that I was just trying to be a victim holding onto these feelings and memories, but really I had just never let myself process anything. As is the nature of being with a narcissist, nothing makes sense to begin to process in the first place. The time that passes contributes to this, confusing those memories and experiences further, to the point where you start to gaslight yourself. I recently came across some messages from this person during our relationship, and as horrible as they were to read, it completely validated a lot of stuff I'd burried deep down and brought it all back to a realistic level that my brain had made abstract. I imagine that's how those PTSD triggers feel for you, as you can connect them with those real experiences. The human brain sure can be a tough one to navigate!
My sincerest condolences that you also went through an abusive relationship. It truly is such a difficult thing to navigate and leaves so many lasting impacts on the way we handle future relationships. The gaslighting yourself part hits so close to home! I have voice recordings from that relationship that have the same effect for me. Validating just how messed up everything truly was and that it was in fact WORSE than I am allowing myself to remember. I just want to say a sincere thank you for your vulnerability in your comments Grace, it means a lot ❤
I never know what to say… your last stream (that I missed) resonated with me Hopefully I’ll catch the next one Just realised this is a clip down of the original stream 🫣
lol I never know what to say either! Yeah, I've been trying out this thing of doing a live podcast during my stream and then releasing it as a video the next day. Not sure how I feel about this style of content yet!
