Transactional Analysis 1: ego states & basic transactions

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First in a series on TA, offering some of the metaphors I think can be useful in conceptualising and dealing with interactions. This first video looks at the Parent, Adult and Child states, and basic transactions.
You can support the channel at: / theramintrees
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Recommended TA texts:
1) Ian Stewart & Vann Joines: 'TA Today: A New Introduction To Transactional Analysis'
2) Thomas A Harris: 'I'm OK, You're OK'
3) Eric Berne: 'Games People Play'
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videos in the series
TA1 - ego states and transactions
TA2 - games theory
• Transactional Analysis...
TA3 - gimmicks
• Transactional Analysis...
TA appendix i - RU-vid games
• RU-vid games
TA appendix ii - religion
• religion - the bad par...

Опубликовано:

9 июн 2010

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Комментарии : 863

@TheraminTrees 10 лет назад

'How do i handle someone who talks over me so often and makes false accusations of me constantly?' -In this situation, boundaries need to be reestablished. This can be done by behaving differently - with thoughtless interrupters, I sometimes just continue talking and train them into the idea that interrupting won't work. If they persist, I might draw their attention to it and ask them directly not to talk over me. If things don't improve, I'd probably cut off interactions, telling them why.

@adriaticseaeyes 5 лет назад

This is the way Narcissists operate, it's no wonder it works well for you

@lpawowp 5 лет назад

@@adriaticseaeyes ? How so

@jdavi6241 5 лет назад

Gabriel Reid adriaticseaeyes is confused. theramin's hypothetical course of action is not the way narcissists operate. It could actually be used as a defense mechanism against them if you aren't dependant of them for your survival. Narcissists thrive off of drama and being the center of attention, they crave positions of power and control over other people. They do not like equal respect. The theoretical person theramintrees talks about in the scenario could be a possible narcissist. They start out creating drama by constantly talking over people and making false accusations, therefore theremin would choose to adjust his attitude and behavior in accordance with the lack of respect he receives. If he cannot reach a point of common ground in honest equal conversation he decides to abandon the situation stating exactly why he does so in a level-headed respectful manner.

@thecannon3448 3 года назад

If they are talking over you... you talk over them? Yea that doesn’t make sense

@adeelali8417 3 года назад

@The Cannon That's not what he said. Read again.

@TehUltimateSnake 4 года назад

I dont know how I found this channel, but I’m glad I did.

@gsnaponfire 3 года назад

Same!

@gsnaponfire 3 года назад

u little shit great name! Haha

@adambjornstjerna9187 3 года назад

Some would claim it was god leading you here, my ego would claim it has to be google, fear it or love it, the choice is yours ;) *I feel inspired* 😌 Oh, btw, didn’t mean to limmit your options, have what feeling you desire! 😁

@borisn.1346 3 года назад

Me too...

@gsnaponfire 3 года назад

@[banned] that’s annoying

@bazbakhtyar2567 4 года назад

The more I see, the more I realize there is a shit-ton of knowledge in this world.

@robertdanielpickard 6 лет назад

Your TA videos helped me get out of an abusive relationship. Thank you.

@TheraminTrees 6 лет назад

That's great to hear

@kimrusso1987 2 месяца назад

That's amazing x

@marachime 7 лет назад

Yesterday I had a really great interaction with my dad. He was talking to me about a subject we're both knowledgable about but have different opinions on. Usually I don't have the energy to maintain an Adult response to his usual 'my opinion = truth' type way of Parent-demanding-a-Child way of talking, but yesterday I did, and his normally aggrivating behaviour didn't bother me at all - it amused me :). Also, because I maintained a calm Adult state, his Parent state got a bit wobbly and started to become more of an Adult state. It was great! So yeah, thanks for putting words to these states and encouraging healthy thoughts and responses, friend. :)

@wckd4u 7 лет назад

wow i really needed to see this in my life right now. I am currently having issues with being able to communicate with my dad for this same reason. Could you elaborate on what sort of things you said to bring him down to the adult state? And since you wrote this 6 months ago - how has it been for you to date?

@marachime 5 лет назад

@Lauren hi

@steves1015 5 лет назад

I’m really pleased to read this - it lets us all know it is possible. Sadly, it’s something I’ve never achieved with my father - even recently he did his usual of exploding over a topic and not listening to what I was saying. And I can identify with what was said in this video - his response makes me feel worthless and like a child (like I haven’t grown up and still can’t stand up to him). It’s one of the reasons I don’t talk to my parents much.

@livc.6761 3 года назад

Marachime A bit late reading this but this speaks to me on a level that hits so close to home. Appreciate the explanation!

@strandedinanisland457 3 года назад

I can relate. I would say that I had a verbal smackdown with my dad and I decided to take no prisoners. That fear comes from people pleasing all my life. I have reached a breaking point.

@CHLOCHLOLP 3 года назад

i always knew i had a problem with my relationships either being me dependent on the other person, or the other person being dependent on me, but I never really knew there was a name for this process. I have a lot of trouble seeing other people as adults, I typically either see them as parents or children.

@im3phirebird81 2 года назад

You writing this as Voldemort makes it kind of funny though :)

@6drk6mrc6 2 года назад

My man, here, will literally attempt muggle genocide rather than going to therapy.

@Zralf 13 лет назад

this, this! THIS is the type of video i come to youtube to see, informative and objective, i had to sift through alot of shit in order to get to this pearl.

@LouiesLog 4 года назад

What do you think of this video 9 years later?

@cindyluwho72 3 года назад

Agreed💯

@Getyourwishh 3 года назад

This is a 9 year old comment of a 13 years old account.

@IHatePeopleOfColor 2 года назад

Damm 11 years

@badateverything2931 Год назад

@@IHatePeopleOfColor your pfp didnt exist when this vid came out

@TheraminTrees 14 лет назад

@bloodsteam 'What exactly is it you do for a living?' -Oh I have my fingers in a few pies but psychology and design are the biggest wedges.

@voLumez 4 года назад

I love you so much

@rusejames7242 4 года назад

I think the reason I didn't like some of my high school teachers is that they acted like parents, whereas I wanted to be treated as an adult

@callumscott5107 3 года назад

I'd definitely agree in my experience too. Now I'm 22 going into uni for the second time and I'm looking forward to communicating with lecturers like an actual adult for once

@orlandomoreno6168 2 года назад

That's the problem with teachers in general

@Youshallbeeatenbyme 2 года назад

Having spent a good part of ~10-11 years in the psychology field I finally understood the purpose of illustrating these types of things in a metaphorical way. Originally my assumption was that these things, in this context the 3 ego states, were a factual reflection of what is actually going on. However it has only recently become apparent to me that illustrating things through metaphor is merely a tool to reflect the minutia of what we understand about what is actually going on. I honestly feel like once I stumbled upon this realization that everything I knew about psychology has become a bit of a "this isn't actually what is going on, but it's close enough to be useful in helping people" type ordeal, and going back through old videos like this one feels weird.

@rabbitcreative 2 года назад

> "this isn't actually what is going on, but it's close enough to be useful in helping people" Formalized by saying "similar-in-structure". The map isn't the territory, and the word isn't the thing. Etc.

@TheFillyosopher 2 года назад

@@rabbitcreative Was about to give the Yudkowsky "Map isn't Territory" and "Heuristics are still useful" but you beat me to it, great comment!

@RemotHuman 2 года назад

I think its called a model

@samanthawhite6803 8 лет назад

I think this is a wonderful introduction to the Ego States, but something very important has not been demonstrated or alluded to - and that's the Adult - Adult transaction, what that would sound and look like, such as between the boss and the employee who comes late to work. A perfect opportunity to assign and assume responsibility.

@rachelputtick5167 8 лет назад

+Samantha White Thanks, this will be the exercise I design on the back of this - adult to adult let's create this...

@whickervision742 2 года назад

If the start time was a problem, the adult to adult conversation would be to change the start time based on the individual challenges that person faces every morning, whether it's daycare or school or travel time. Fat chance of that, right? Kneel before me for I alone determine your fate.

@samanthawhite6803 2 года назад

@@whickervision742 The solution to the problem is not the same thing as the transaction. The solution is irrelevant to this approach. The Adult-Adult transaction would be that neither party yells, pleads, gets emotional, or gets in the other's face. The boss might say, "I need you here at 7." The employee might say, "I understand, and I try to get here on time, but I have no control over when my child's transportation arrives." The boss might say, "If you can't get here by 7 every morning, I can't use you and you may need to find another job," and the employee might say, "I'll see if I can get my neighbor to take my child to the school bus." Then the boss might say, "Let me know by tomorrow if you can work something out with your neighbor. I don't want to lose you, but I really need you here to start the shift on time." The boss doesn't yell, the employee doesn't cry. It's not Parent-to-Child, it's Adult-to-Adult.

@Dr.JustIsWrong Год назад

@@samanthawhite6803 How is _"Kneel before me for I alone determine your fate."_ Different than.. _"If you can't get here by 7 every morning, I can't use you ... Let me know by tomorrow"?_ A sweeter tone? Perhaps a smile?

@samanthawhite6803 Год назад

@@Dr.JustIsWrong "Kneel before me" is authoritarian. It literally puts the speaker above the other, for no apparent reason except ego. "I need you here by 7" is just a statement of fact. "I am not better than you, you are not less than I, but if you're not here by 7 then we can't open the doors to let customers in." Or, "The night crew can't leave if you're not here, and they're going to quit if they can't leave on time," or whatever the reason. It's just the fact. "Shift change has to occur at 7, that's the deal." Employees generally understand what the "deal" is when they accept the job. When an employee is habitually late, there's a problem, and it needs to be fixed somehow.

@helencarroll1650 8 лет назад

Very good. But the voices freaked me out. They put me into my child state.

@panterablu 6 лет назад

My God. It's 4:16 a.m. : I already read your comment after the first minute of the video, and I didn't understand what was the problem with the speaker's voice. While listening the video, right a moment ago, I was drinking some water. 4:17 comes, and I almost died choking.

@IONAPINKMOXIE 5 лет назад

@@panterablu "chocking" sounds scary!

@panterablu 5 лет назад

I am italian, my english is not as good as I would like. Chocking is that bad? :D

@panterablu 5 лет назад

@Phelan ahahahah ok I think I understood. Thanks :)

@tracik1277 5 лет назад

Helen Carroll worse is the boss has cat ears...

@Noelciaaa 3 года назад

Damn i really be constantly flipping between parent/child in the most unhelpful ways. Parent towards most thing, most interactions, child when it comes to my own personal life and decisions.

@undefined6947 2 года назад

This should be very helpful for me, I find myself falling into the child state too often, I feel uncomfortable on the very rare occasions I'm forced into the parent state, but to be able to objectify this so well should help me stay in the adult state as much as I can. Now I know what it's called, so I can identify it more easily. Edit: what I'm saying is thank you!

@beeterion9003 3 года назад

Learning about this as a ten year old is really interesting!

@Analysis_Paralysis Год назад

I used to view everybody as an equal, until a narcissist groomed me two years ago, he was quite patronizing and infantilized me from time to time. I somehow lost myself after that and began to behave differently. Thought about your videos on transactional analysis recently and am glad I re-watched them. They remind me of my "adult" more mature side. :)

@mohamadomid 9 лет назад

I was looking for accounting lesson(Transaction analysis) But I got to here, anyway I am happy, I learned good things here :)))

@IONAPINKMOXIE 5 лет назад

@Stevo Devo booooo....dad joke! Booooo......

@lynnelowe8461 4 года назад

This made me laugh out loud. Thank you 😊

@VaughanMcCue 2 года назад

The ledger has to stay in balance.

@pumpkinpartysystem 5 лет назад

From what I can tell, I'm actually fairly good at staying mostly in my Adult state, and my Parenting state is far more nurture leaning, in part because my adult state sees that as the most reasonable, logical, and fair thing to do, and I nurture more with logical reasoning than belittlement and protectiveness. I don't have perfect control of it though, my child state leads me to isolate myself sometimes, probably due to my anxiety, but often when I find I'm doing so, I can enter a conversation with myself as an adult and objectively evaluate the situation (or at least as close to objectivity as the human mind is capable of). This interplay of them might suggest that these aren't 3 completely distinct and isolated states we switch between, but rather a spectrum of states that build off of each other and flow between each other, just like many other parts of life.

@Rhonda_C 13 лет назад

I'm still relatively new to TA, and can't believe how helpful it is, especially when the concepts are presented in such an easy to digest form as in these excellent videos you have made. Thank you so much!

@jacob1851 3 года назад

This makes so much sense and explains a lot of things I've been trying to articulate about the relationships I have with people in my life currently, thank you

@gildlily78 11 лет назад

I have to say, your videos are fantastic. Thank you so much for taking the time to make these. Kudos to you Sir!

@panterablu 6 лет назад

TheraminTrees I have a passion for these arguments. I know a little about the relationships between a therapist and his patient and I can simply say that this video is pure gold. Thanks to the subtitles I understand well the whole video, I think it's great. Very good job. I'll watch part 2 and 3. Thanks.

@gedged6 10 лет назад

I keep coming back to This video series. Thank you so much for making it Theramintrees.

@kimaldunate 5 лет назад

My mom read Eric Berne’s book when she was younger . This is so helpful, thank you for making this video so simple to understand.

@HiAdrian 14 лет назад

TheraminTrees, i remember the old videos you did on TA and they got me very interested, as they were instantly (mentally) applicable to relationships in my life. I'm very much looking forward to this series, in your usual quality.

@bpansky 11 лет назад

if you read the writing of Libby Anne over at "Love Joy Feminism" she has a parenting strategy (I think it's called "positive parenting", she often blogs about it) that involves relating to her children as equals in many ways. I thought it was much preferable to more authority centered approaches.

@preciousmousse 10 месяцев назад

Thank you so much for making these! I followed TA while in therapy and it's so comforting to hear these things again. Always coming back to them when feeling overwhelmed by certain interactions and it really works to soothe me.

@LessthansignThree 14 лет назад

I like TA a lot and I think these videos (including the first ones you originally made a while ago) really sum it up well, and are relevant and interesting for people who don't know much about it to become interested in it. Can't wait to see the rest.

@roderik4 8 лет назад

This is brilliant. Thank you so much for making this series

@HimmiJoe 14 лет назад

This is incredibly interesting. I could see myself and my relationships in there. Can't wait for the next videos.

@soulure 14 лет назад

This is really interesting, thank you for putting it together. Definitely looking forward to the next in the series!

@Phobia017 12 лет назад

Thanks so much for these videos on TA, theremin. They're fantastic and straight to the point :)

@tinySpectacle 14 лет назад

Link: I just love your examples. They are always clever and serve so well in making transparent the concepts you're explaining. I especially like the dialogue you wrote for your animated people and how the voices of the P, A and C were different (or the PAC: you love acronyms). Can't wait for the next one.

@dragonruler978 14 лет назад

You're brilliant Theramintrees. Keep em coming!

@_xiper 17 дней назад

Holy hell, this framework explains so much. I immediately recognized how it applies to many different things I remember witnessing or participating in.

@missflorencek8569 4 года назад

Probably the best video I’ve watched on TA. Thank you so much.

@lisabthecoach5102 7 лет назад

Thank you, you have described TA really well here and your supporting graphics are helpful.

@Snoot501 14 лет назад

i love TA. it's something i've been researching as a hobby for 10 years now. i loved your video and look forward to more.

@tifiang 14 лет назад

This video was so informative. I find myself jumping into each state with different people and situations. Thanks for the links to more TA info - I'll put those on my summer reading list!

@lemonadesoul 12 лет назад

Brilliant! I love how you put the information together - very concise and creative

@Zerepzerreitug 12 лет назад

Wish my psychology classes at highschool were like this

@danirobi10 3 года назад

HOLY SMOKES! This is the BEST video/info I have seen on this topic. Absolutely fantastic!

@LukeGeoDude 14 лет назад

this is absolutely fantastic, looking forward to future video series.

@Correctrix 11 лет назад

I’m sure that your subscribers would greatly appreciate further instalments in this series, going into deeper detail. The way you present the topic is full of insight and clarity.

@kidkurmudgeon7015 4 года назад

Thanks for these. I feel like I have ways to objectively navigate my relationships after years of stumbling from 1 toxic person to another.

@FortisConscius 14 лет назад

I remember this from A-level Psychology. It's nice to see it reiterated clearly and concisely like this. I never did ask for an example of a Child-Child conflict. I can't imagine if, or how, that transaction would occur... Hmmm, I'll be thinking about that now for some time :P Anyway - I'm looking forward to part 2!

@misspatvandriverlady7555 3 месяца назад

Imagine an immature romantic relationship, where the two people have been relating as two children, having fun, either by eating out, watching movies, getting intoxicated together, and/or, of course, being intimate with eachother. Then, while one is taking a shower before they “have fun” together, the other sees playful, suggestive messages from another lover on their phone. Immediately, shouting, screaming, name-calling, crying, even violent displays ensue. Unless it is their own home, the clothed member of the couple is likely to eventually storm out; otherwise, the half-naked member of the couple may find themselves on the street! Neither will admit fault; lots of emotion will get flung around. Seems like a child-child conflict to me! 🤔

@marcarmstrong88 14 лет назад

@TheraminTrees well i found the length perfect. as im wholly new to this topic i felt captivated and entrenched throughout.

@Jotto999 13 лет назад

This is exceptionally interesting and helpful. Thank you very much, TheraminTrees!

@FilthyIcon 14 лет назад

Ah, Link, this series really impacted my life. Transactional analysis is really helpful to remember in any social gathering or situation. I know in my life, it has helped kept drama away and has helped strengthen my relationships with people...above all, it helps avoid psychological games! Thanks again for making this series.

@Gigano 14 лет назад

This is so interesting and informative. I'm already looking forward to part 2.

@neilbedwell7763 2 года назад

This is a really useful framework. Thanks for shedding light

@rmaddenc 13 лет назад

I just showed this video to a class yesterday as part of a presentation on transactional analysis. My classmates loved the video. It really illustrates the concept of ego states well!

@AppliedMathematician 2 года назад

This series is a very useful summary! Thanks for the work!

@mrchoon2010 2 года назад

I didn't realize you've been making content for this long. Your stuff is as amazing now as it was 10 years ago

@atuliocl 2 года назад

Thank you Sir very much. Your style of explaining/teaching is simply great.

@DblOSmith 11 лет назад

This is the most amazing psychological video I have ever seen. Absolutely amazing!

@sabrinaszabo9355 Год назад

Thank you, this is food for my soul in a very lonely world. Puts the pep in my step.

@ChaoticSupernova 14 лет назад

I can't wait for the next one! This is brilliant!

@Farazao 11 лет назад

Awesome work you have done here! Congratularions!

@InModiasWeTrust 13 лет назад

Excellent video! I'm just about to watch the others in the series. Well done, looking forward to seeing more! -Modias

@lynnelowe8461 4 года назад

Fantastic video. Exactly what I was looking for. I have a new work colleague who I find extremely difficult to work with. Doesn’t listen, interrupts, believes she knows best and lacks empathy working with a group of fragile clients. Thank you so much for giving me a little more clarity into human behaviors. 🙏😁

@peterstiles1 10 лет назад

Brilliant video, the best explanation of TA I've seen. Thank you.

@psycherevival2105 3 года назад

So much information to take in! I’ll need to watch this a few times.

@MicahtheGreat777 14 лет назад

This is awesome. Really interesting. I look forward to the rest.

@mykiralspirelli 10 лет назад

These videos are really good i show them to people all the time. Very good way of teaching Transactional Analysis.

@jessg3882 2 года назад

Fantastic explanation, so so helpful. Thank you for sharing your work :)

@adam.phelps 13 лет назад

This informational video was extremely enjoyable to watch due to its effective use of simplicity. The speed of the voice is pleasing to listen to and not offensive either. Great video.

@laffy7204 4 года назад

I think I'm becoming more aware of applying transaction to my own life. As a person concerned about my self-perception of an well-reasoned and intelligent individual, my main objective is to strengthen the adult state as much as it can possibly can. Any feedback to my goals is good

@bwgower 6 лет назад

I love the way this is illustrated! A+ Very easy to understand!

@kobac8207 13 лет назад

I've read so many books on TA in which I have a great interest, but this video is one of my favourite materials I would recommend to a beginner interested in TA and what TA means. Thanks again!

@janlaag Год назад

These videos are surreal, there's dense, articulated content mixed up with hilarious aesthetics (the voices switch sounds so funny), just like a parent / adult / child chimera.

@BenMullings 11 лет назад

Really enjoying your videos TheraminTrees :)

@JBSauce 14 лет назад

I'd never heard of this; it's an intriguing theory and I always look forward to TT's videos.

@ohmysejunie 2 года назад

thank You! i'm currently reviewing TA, and this is easy to remember!

@bonnielee7134 6 лет назад

I just picked up the book: Games people play, by, Eric Berne. And on the front cover it says, transactional analysis so I looked that up and got the definition which was not too helpful and then clicked on this video and it explained it perfectly! Thanks!

@Whiteo83 12 лет назад

Thanks for the video, its very informative and engaging. Wanted to find out more about TA after having heard about it at a course, your video certainly helped.

@AlintraxAika 3 года назад

This channel is a GOLD MINE

@mawaddafahad3383 2 года назад

This is such an informative video. The visuals have made it easy to understand. thank you

@zthustra 14 лет назад

Awesome stuff! I am looking forward to a future video where you explore what happens when a parent or child encounters an adult and refuses to adapt to an adult role. I have had this experience sooooo many times in my life and I feel uncomfortable with parent and child egos and frustrated when I can't bring them over to adult to adult ego states. I see myself slipping into a parent or child ego state to cope with them and I hate it when that happens. Thanks for posting this series.

@teflon_donatello 14 лет назад

great video quality as usual, excellent pace and visuals

@warreng5394 3 года назад

Thanks, Jaye! Great video!

@azumaninjay 14 лет назад

I look forward to the next one. Thanks for the Video.

@Perineeta 10 лет назад

Fantastic. .very nicely explained

@jamest3597 3 года назад

you have a great way of making your point easy to understand

@kshitijbalonie4361 2 года назад

Watching this video for my Organisational behaviour exam. Great video. Thanx

@TheFifthGreatApe 11 лет назад

@TheraminTrees This a splendid series. I can't tell you how much this has helped. Its a great resource to refer to when my friends, or myself, are knee deep in our own thoughts. This subject matter has brought some of the most interesting conversations between us. Any chance of a few more on this topic? Many of my friends would never get close to a book on these topics but a ten minute video... is easier then reading a book, sadly. This medium has great potential. Thanks.

@Zoaguyver 14 лет назад

Love it. I like psychological theories even though they don't apply AS universally. Great video. Can't wait for the next one.

@TheraminTrees 14 лет назад

@crazypills2 'Damn, it was supposed to be "kick our ass."' -What does the 'Green sucks' thing refer to?

@jayneconnelly 10 лет назад

Fantastically clear and easy to understand - the best explanation I've heard ever (and I've heard a few). I'm a trainer and coach by the way so not new to TA - I was looking for inspiration - thanks!

@JohnMoseley 5 лет назад

Been reading Berne's 'Games People Play' today and it's a revelation. As much as I might pride myself on my efforts to be rational and decent most of the time, I'm almost always in Parent or Child mode. Really behaving and feeling like an Adult, suddenly I feel better physically and don't hate myself. No need to take things personally, feel stung or wounded, or react acerbically or moralistically. I hope I can keep this up. I think up to now I've been trying to be the Adult, but really just being a Parent, adopting an attitude that was a little superior and pious. Like I say, I hated myself.

@CyberDraco 14 лет назад

I love debates and I work with children-this was very informative, thanks Theramin.

@jacques1098 3 года назад

Currently on a social course and this is very useful, thank you

@BlissBlossumwithlove 9 лет назад

I love your voice, and words. Yes I would embark to your couch for healing!!!!

@letsreadtextbook1687 2 года назад

Vid 11 years ago really helps me today, thanks!

@LindwurParty 14 лет назад

Very interesting. I look forward to future episodes.

@PraktikoolSinik 14 лет назад

Well done. I'm looking forward to more.

@mamamheus7751 6 лет назад

Bloody fascinating. Thank you!

@TheraminTrees 14 лет назад

@venompangx 'I am all ears' -You've just demonstrated that you're not. I've said explicitly that there is no heat - that it's just boring. And you've bypassed that. So what meaning does saying 'you're all ears' have exactly? You don't need to announce that you're all ears - if you are, you'll show it in your response. If not, that'll be clear too.

@adolthitler 14 лет назад

I am just revisiting this series. I thank you again TheraminTrees. LOL I just recently fell for a girls pulling the child on me begging me to be the nurturing parent. "I won't be fooled again" .... well I hope I can retain the TA so I don't allow myself to be sucked in again.