Transactional Analysis 2: games 

It’s 2021 and I’m still watching this series regularly.

This video series isn't just to identity these problems with other people, it is also to help one reflect on how they interact with people in general.

My sister is a therapist and was chatting to her about a difficult meeting I had and she talked me through TA and the drama triangle. Wanted to learn more and this video was really informative and has absolutely shone a light on the situation - it’s taken the emotion out of it and I have a better understanding of the roles we were playing and hopefully I’ll be more aware next time. Many thanks.

Holy shit. I really need to get into the habit of reviewing these every six months or so. I really could have used having this stuff fresh in my brain in February. Damn. Would have helped a lot with navigating a recent clusterfuck.

I watch these about once every six months so I don't lose hold of what I've learned. It's the new year. Time to watch all of these again

I wish my therapist had explained these clearly. It's so useful to be given all these tools during therapy itself, but I still feel fortunate to have come across someone who was doing TA whilst looking for psychotherapy as I wasn't even aware of the model prior to that. Eric left behind something really beautiful!

This definitely helped me some time ago when I had to stand up to harassment at work

I've been watching this channel for months and only just realized this video is twelve years old. I thought it must be a relatively new channel because the info is so currently useful, and the style the videos are done in were obviously ahead of it's time.

This may prove to be among the most valuable series on RU-vid. 10/10

This series is teaching me how much emotion I have involved in everyday transactions between people and how its been holding me back from true understanding and progress

just found this channel on my recommended what a gem

What I like about TA, is that it is a simple enough theory that's accessible to ordinary people who are not formal students of psychology, yet have an interest in relationship dynamics. I'm loving your series on this compelling subject!

Many years ago TA was the first model that was ever presented to me when I began studying counselling (part of my post-graduate training as a Health Visitor in the UK). It has been probably one of the most useful models I have come across, and I still sing the praises of this concept that so ably simplifies the complex interactions we find ourselves in when trying to communicate. Of course it was only the beginning, but for me a great place to start.

@OatSharpener Thanks. TA's metaphors've transformed my relationship into a vastly drama-free zone. I'll admit drama used to feel 'exhilarating' to a degree - that heightened state, with more at stake. But the stuff it blocked - the genuine intimacy, fun, love, laughter - that's since come through shows the thinness of drama like nothing else.

Thanks for these videos. Really brought to my attention some of the destructive behaviors I had been exhibiting. Gonna focus hard to change it.

A complex subject , beatifully presented - especially the persecutor/victim /rescuer ever-changing positions within a destructive relationship

Thanks a million. I needed to see this. My toxic game player used me like this. Desperate problem, what do you think? I gave him my top three definite solutions. He dismissed them all in the manner you mentioned then combed every family member of his, taking each one's advice. When exhausted, he took the advice of friends, co-workers and then even casual acquaintances like strangers. Finally, when it was all over, he tried one of the options I gave. The turn around was immediate. He then said how stupid they all were and how smart he was because his idea which he came up with all on his own was the only one that worked. The other such game he plays goes by he needs ideas in planning a wonder project and my opinions count. I tell him all and he dismisses them off one by one and complain why they'll be no good. Afterwards, he does his own structuring and boasts, despite what outcome. He has to show off his work to everyone, especially me. Now I tell him upfront why I have no ideas he can use but he will not confess to his games. We need to escape these toxic people, else we'll end up insane.

I just love this series! I first saw it in a counseling psych class, and it sticks with me. It's so easy to see how we fall into roles and before we know it, the transaction is complete. Awesome explanations!

Thank you so much for your videos sir. They help me more than you can imagine.

Its been a wild ride figuring out how to be a basic human, let alone be a good one. This is helping me understand exactly what I don't understand and how to comprehend it to ask.

Aviel Menter- totally agree! I am writing a sitcom and my immediate thought was this would be perfect for coming up with story conflicts and and analysing present sitcoms. Love it.

@foolnwhat Something I hoped would come through in this video in particular is the value the positive aspects of controlling, nurturing, adapted and free styles of being. If we were Adult all the time, we'd be missing out on so much.

Great Vid, interesting idea about unplugging. I often contemplate becoming a recluse as it seems the world and the people in it run on games. It seems to be the way to make and keep friendships, by being willing to play anothers games !

Wow this is so interesting!!

You have put together a really good way of teaching TA. I hope you won't mind if I say one or two things about the content. The difficulty with this teaching on ego states is that the Structural Parent and Child ego states are past. Current thinking is that Adult is Integrating Adult. This is where we integrate the best from our parents and significant others or where from our own childhood. The Integrating Adult is here and now. Therefore if we are here and now we will be in a mindful place and can decide how to act and what behaviour we need to take. When we are not mindful we can move into a regressed state and this is unhelpful for effective communication. Some people call the model which has Critical and Nurturing etc. as behaviours the Functional Model because this is how we function. We (Mountain Associates) have developed the OK Modes model which is based on the OK Corral. This clearly delineates the Structural Ego State model from the Functional Model as ours replaces the latter. In the old model of Functional Ego state it was unclear why, when Parent and Child are historical, we would want to go into those to deal with communication? We only do this if we are in script. When in Integrating Adult we are able to deal in the here and now and act appropriately. We cannot actually tell if someone is in Structural Parent or Child unless we do four types of diagnosis and we often don't have contract for this. In the work place it's not very appropriate to ask someone if this is how they did it as a child or how their parents did it! Therefore using the OK Modes model is more appropriate as we only work on two assessments: social and behavioural. For further explanation of the OK Modes model just go to our website and look under TA - though these are text descriptions and not excellently presented teaches like these.

Very informative, smooth, and well explained, totally life saver for someone examining in TA with poor lectures and bunch of mixed up slides that made me lost, REALLY THANK YOU! BEST ONE WHO EXPLAINED IT ON YT!

I think I'm going to not watch any more of your series until it's all done. Watching one then waiting a week for the next one to come out is torture. I'm loving the series so far. After watching this video, I've realized that this is the kind of thing you don't think about until it happens, then a light goes on and you suddenly realize you're playing a game with someone.

This channel is such a gem.

I'm so happy you finally decided to upload this. Your explanation is so clear, detailed, organized, and helpful. I look forward to the 3rd video for gimicks :)

I know this is an old vid, but I just discovered this channel and am devouring every video. It informs so many things I knew parts of with new knowledge and makes them more easily understood and conveyed, but also informs me of many things I hadn't heard of. Great all around. For example, in his Infantilization vid (I saw that and his attacking ideas vids first before diving in), both my girlfriend and I saw things that our parents had done/still do, her far more than I. But at the same time he mentioned "parentalization", but only in passing. Thinking about what that might mean, it occurred to me that she also does sometimes get thrust into the parent role, either because hers are too incompetent or unwilling to do adult things that need to be done, especially in their finances. I was confused at first how they could infantilize and parentalize at the same time...until I started watching his TA vids, and understanding the switching between ego states (at least that's what I assume is happening, please correct me if I'm wrong, I'm still learning). And now the 2nd vid above is showing me more on that, in a scary way. Not only do I think her mother switches between ego states, thus explaining the variations in behavior, but he showed how both sides can be used in a positive or negative way...and I think her mother uses the negative way of both sides of both parent and child. The worst way to handle a situation is usually what happens, and I'm beginning to understand why more deeply than just "She's a narcissist". Thanks for your easily understandable explanations, and keep up the great work.

These videos are so amazing. Very well packaged and informative. I can't stop watching them

I really enjoy the learning with these presentations. I feel that they are the clearest and most effortlessly descriptive help guides on the site. Thank you very much TheraminTrees Clint

It's videos like this which endear me to the internet so much. I love listening to, and reading the thoughts of people more experienced than I. To have such an accessible forum for this at my fingertips makes me ecstatic I live in the era I do. I also feel i should continually thank you for your impeccable delivery of raw, beautiful knowledge. It's the least I can do.

Theramin... Each of these videos are eye opening for me in MANY relationships. From casual acquaintances, to my relationship with my parents and significant others, even to my peers, elders, and teachers. Thank you.

Awesome, insightful well explained videos, you should do this full time!

Your videos are like therapy for me. I'm addicted. Please keep learning and imparting your knowledge!!!!! It is desperately needed.

It’s really useful to have things I kind of hashed out by myself over a long time clarified like this. Also interesting to recognize the life positions of a lot of people I’m close with suddenly and realize ways that makes sense of what seems like sudden and confusing personality changes… like people in an arrogant position tend to stick to their guns, people in a futile position will always wind up on the victim side even if it means going hard in the opposite direction of previous stances they held, people in a depressive position like me may change positions a lot to conform with the latest information they’ve gained but only after grappling with it and usually fail to apply it to themselves. I’m OK, You’re OK position is a more balanced state of being since the few people I see who are there, are open to change but never dramatically, and aren’t prone to self-destructive behaviors as a result of compliance.

It seems like a lot of thought has been put into how the information in the videos is presented. The branching out of information presented is handled elegantly. It makes the flow of the video easy to follow. Well done!

Man....i've been in so many arguements and fights because i understood what was going on and i remained in the Adult state. Didn't know this entire proccess had a name. It can be really tiring seeing right through this while the other party keeps leeching energy. Either that or my autism doesn't care about other people's emotional well being.

Link, again, you've made another EXCELLENT video. I've never heard of TA before, but find this incredibly fascinating. Great job.

Thank You Theramin, These are not only interesting but incredibly helpful.

Theramin Trees, you are AWESOME!!! I won't miss a video of yours. Keep up the good work. Please post the third video quickly :)

Absolutely love these videos. Trying to understand human behavior can often be exhausting. This explains it so simply. Thank you 🙏😁

I really like this one best. It's helped me realize how I get myself caught up in these games in my own personal life. And now I realize sometimes I'm the one starting games and I don't really want to subject people I love to things that are such a waste of our time, life's short enough. But I've been really analyzing my own behavior lately and am learning much more about what's going on below the surface here. Really appreciate this whole series, Thanks!!!

Very well done. It`s interesting how by spending a bit of time working on yourself you can see your own faults and those in others as well. BUT the important thing is to realize that we all have issues and no to take it so personally; often times they aren`t doing it on purpose and don`t even realize what they are doing. That is what helps me. Another great video. Cheers! Papa

First, excellent series. I find it very educational and engaging. Second, having seen several of your other videos, particularly some of your rebuttals, it seems that you owe much of your approach to these discussions to TA. Or at least it seems that way as you explain it. Thank you for sharing this lecture and helping us to consider how to improve our communication, persuasive abilities and interactions. RU-vid needs this instruction sorely.

I need this video years ago. But now is good too. Thank you, very informative.

Thank you great upload for everyone.

I read the book 'I'm OK you're OK' in my early teenage and it did a good job in helping me, important to note is that I did not have access to therapy and this book was the closest.Now after listening to these videos, probably under the current state of being, I'm receiving the concept differently and would want to say that seeing a therapist is crucial to those considering self-help...

Can't tell you how much this has helped me. Thank you so much for putting these videos up. Plus it's no hardship to listen to such a lovely voice ;-) Thanks again.

really useful series, thank you theramin trees, i follow your videos...

awesome video. One of the hardest things I find is to figure out that indicator when a game is starting (which is when I think it is the easiest to stop it). They can sneak into conversations very easily, and you find yourself at the end wondering how you got there. Great series. I look forward to more!

Excellent series of videos on Transactional Analysis. I recommend them to my students

This has helped me realise a few things about myself, thank you.

This is absolutely superb. Thank you

Thank you for sharing. great video. Helped me all the way to Turkey!

Very Informative ,Good Job Sir.

I really like the triangle visual you had in this vedio. really easy to understand

if i found these when i was even 20 years old my entire life would have been different and for the better... better late than never!

This is so fascinating: Personally it hits me like a moment of good literature, making me reassess, see things in a new and inspiring way. TA also seems like it might be a good way to reveal the psychology of characters in fiction. I can see these ideas wandering into a lecture to help students understand characters' interactions and, thus, overall themes. Especially with the "games" idea, my mind is a buzz with stories where characters use these interactions. Very cool stuff.

Great series, I'm really finding it informative and helpful

@bandreification 'One interpretation that works some of the time.' -This isn't clear. What one interpretation?

thanks for the video. the series has helped me to figure out how i act.

I've read "Games People Play." Your structuring of explaining ego states and games have made my reading easier.

Everybody should watch this video and think about themselves... Thank you, Theramintrees!

Interesting ideas!! I'll have to pay more attention now to these types of games and use the tools you have given to deal with them! :-) I'm enjoying this series! I'll be checking back often so I don't miss it! xoxoxoxo

Food for thought - seriously well done.

Helped a lot, thanks Theramin!

very interesting...look forward to the next

These videos are fantastic, thank you!!

This is great. I'm really enjoying this series.

This is a really good series Thanks for contributing.

Fascinating, useful, and well-presented.

thank you very much for sharing such a great video

This is really useful. Cheers for makung this Theramin :)

great vid, reminds me of some training seminars I attended while working tech support.

@kendrawhisp The video isn't saying these are always the dynamics in a scenario where A constantly rejects B's 'help'. The video is just showing an example of when it is. Let's face it, sometimes B will hit on the solution. Sometimes A will bring B up to speed on what they've already tried. But when it's a constant pattern between two people, the video suggests looking at whether a game's being played.

Absolutely spot on. Thank you very much for producing & sharing such a valuable (R)esource.

I had an interaction with someone who, when they seemed to be giving up on trying to defend their claim, gave me an "I'm sure you're a real smart fella (but)" sort of line. Nevermind that we were probably in some game in the discussion already, but that line made me aware of that slippery feel that I think you were talking about.

Enjoying the TA series, cannot wait for the next video.

It is funny, I was just in the act of responding to a friend's invitation to play "rescue me, I'm helpless." Thank you for your timely post.

Well ... this changes everything. Mind thoroughly blown.

@CounsellingResource Thank you. I think TA has some incredibly valuable thinking tools to offer - even when I'm not using TA terms explicitly with clients, it informs my relationship dynamic/responses hugely.

This has really helped me out in realising how to deal with my 'friend'.

Watched it twice, as there is sooo much great stuff in there!

This helped me a lot when it first came out.

Thank you. And, thank you for these wonderful videos.

So glad i found these videos!! very helpful!

thanks again TheraminTrees!

very neat series

This is amazing, and I find it extremely fascinating. I have a very poor relationship with my older sister. It seems to me that every time we are in each other's company for more than an hour or so, each of us ends up misunderstanding the other, perceiving a grievous insult, and becoming quite upset. Each of us feels certain that the one of us is being completely reasonable, while the other is being unbelievably difficult. The fact that our perceptions are so mirrored makes it hard to solve!

9:21"I'm sure it might seem difficult, but give it a go", seems like the adult thing to say. The encouraging nature of it seems like it's at an adult level. "I'm sure it might seem difficult, but give it a go, you know you're smart enough to do it" would seem more like the encouraging parent. What do you think?

Thankyou.... really helpful for my studies

thank you mister for this videos

To think of all the games I've been sucked into! - while watching this I had flashbacks of some of the game players that have been or are still in my life, many following the very pattern you describe here. I am certain I will remember this video when I encounter the next match! (sister in law - get ready!) xx

right out of my mouth... at 2 a.m. in the morning!

Excellent presentation!! Keep it up look forward to many more!...hint hint...Please! Have a good one, mate cheers again!

Berne's books are among the most helpful self-help books I've ever read. Thank you for refreshing my memories on this vital concept.

excellent video! can't wait for the rest of the series =D

thank you for these. they're really helping