My friend told me my locker was a mess I tried to say “I don’t care” and “It doesn’t matter”. The conversation went like this: “Wow you’re lockers messy” “I don’t matter”
When I was 6 my stepmom was tucking me into bed and she tried to say “goodnight” and “sweet dreams” at the same time but accidentally said “go die sweetie” I just remember I started crying and she had to apologize and cuddle with me for 10 minutes before I finally was able to go to sleep
Once I tried to say “I’ll just have my fun and you’ll have yours” and “we don’t have to be at each other‘s throat‘s” at the same time and I accidentally ended up saying “I’ll have your throat”
I once, after winning in a card game, tried to say "Read 'em and weep" and "Take a look at these" at the same time as I threw down my cards, and ended up just saying "Look at the wheat".
I love how the brain almost knows it’s about to spout garbled nonsense, so it picks the words that closest resemble the garble to produce just plain nonsense
One time I tried to tell my parents that our dog was sitting and shivering by the front door but instead I accidentally told them “Lily is shitting by the front door” 😂
I once tried to say, “what a fussy duck” in response to my aunt saying her cat only ate a specific cat food. For some reason my brain couldn’t handle all that so I said, “what the fuck” in front of all of my elderly relatives.
Was in a meeting with other lead students and a few teachers. One kid had asked me prior to the meeting if I could ask to change a small aspect of the school to make bringing things to school a whole lot easier. I tried to say, "I want to bring up a point" and "I have an idea" at the same time and stared our Headmaster in the eye and said "I want idea." HE RESPONDED CALMLY WITH "That's... why we're here."
I was at work and noticed a pedestrian running in a very bizarre fashion. I tried to say walking and jogging at the same time on accident so what came out of my mouth was a loud proclamation of “THAT DUDE IS WOGGING!” My coworker and I were shitting ourselves over it for a while afterwards.
One time a girl was telling me how she thought her dad loved her other siblings more than he loved her. I meant to say “That’s not true” and “I’m sure that’s wrong” at the same time, but ended up telling her “I’m sure that’s true”.
@@aaadjfje you will never know, after 4 days without a response there is a 10% chance of him sending a response to you or a 90% chance of him just vanishing of the internet for some weird reason
I remember when my grandma was driving me to school and tried to say "donkeys" and "heehaw" at the same time but instead she said "honkeys". We were laughing so hard
I went to a zoo once as a kid and when I was looking at the animals I was trying to decide between saying “aww hi” and “aww hello” in the end I accidentally said “aww hell” 🥰
one time, my friend fell off of a swing and I tried to say "are you okay?" and "you good?" at the same time and I accidentally yelled out "WOAH ARE YOU GAY?"
I don't remember doing anything like this in public, but I was playing a game with my gf and when starting to fight enemies I sometimes either "FUCK EM UP" or "GET HIS ASS" so one glorious time I screamed "FUCK HIS ASS"
One time I was at a restaurant and was close to the place where you order. I heard this one guy order. He was ordering a sandwich and I thinking he was trying to say “red onions” cuz that was an option on the menu. So when the waitress asked “what else would you like on your sandwich” he said, in the most stern voice ever… “run.”
Just then I tried to say “I’m watching someone make biscuits” but I ended up saying “I’m making someone watch biscuits” and my mother replied with ok. I think she is concerned.
I remember once I was talking to myself and tried to say “I’ve got a lot of time on my hands” and “I’ve got a lot of time to kill” and instead just said “I’ve got a lot of hands to kill” and then laughed to myself at a playground all alone
I can only imagine someone walking past hearing you say that you have a lot of hands to kill and then start ominously laughing to yourself, all while sitting at a playground.
Oh dear god. This brings back the memory of me trying to say, "Have a nice day, ma'am." Instead I ended up yelling at a customer (in a bookshop) "HAVE A HAM."
I tried to say “I’m gonna cry” and “I’m gonna scream” and ended up whispering “I’m gonna cream” and just noticed someone in this video did the same thing, although my algebra teacher got very concerned when I stared at our work for the day and said what I said.
Was talking to a friend once complaining about the boys in school and tried to say some combination of "I don't want classes with teenage boys" and "I don't want teenage boys to be in classes with me" and somehow ended up saying "I don't want teenage boys in me." I mean, I don't, but that was not the point I was trying to make at that time
Bruh. One time I tried to say 'noodle' and 'purgatory' in the same sentence, and it came out as "NOOGLE". I promptly laughed so hard I snorted a segment of angel hair pasta through my nose 🥲
just gotta ask why you were talking about noodle purgatory. is there perhaps a noodle heaven and a noodle hell? or do they just sit, waiting in pain and dread.
Once tried to say "Pleasure to be here" and "pleasure to meet you" at the same time in an interview and ended up telling the interviewer "pleasure to beat you!" 💀
One time I was trying to say “don’t count your chickens before they hatch” and “hold your horses” and ended up saying “don’t count your horses before they hatch” and that is hands down the worst sentence I’ve ever uttered
I’ve literally never had this happen to me in my life until last week when I tried to say both “hello” and “‘ello buddy” to my brother at the same time and ended up just blurting out “elbow”
I was playing Breath of the Wild while my girlfriend was explaining a weird dream she had. The entire time I was thinking to myself, "man, that's fucking funny," but I never said it out loud. The conversation changed to how she didn't like Zelda as a character. I wanted to say "I like Zelda." However, my mind was still on the topic of my previous thought so I paused the game, looked my girlfriend in the eye and said: "Man, I fucked Zelda." She just stared at me for a second until I started laughing.
My all time favorite is one from tumblr that says “So, I MEANT to say ‘oh crap, I left my phone in my car,’ but what I ALMOST said was 'oh no, I left my cone in my phar,’ and damn, wouldn't that have been embarrassing, but I caught myself, and what I ACTUALLY said was ‘Ah, my fart cone.’”
When I was ten I tried to say "sorry" and "of course" at the same time, but ended up whispering "s-s-s-sau-au-ce" To a random tall guy at a water park.
In chemistry i had to get past some people and i tried to say “can i get past” and “can i squeeze pass” at the same time and said “can i get squeezed” before walking past a group of 4
I was trying to say something like "can you move" at the same time as something else (it was a few years back so I don't remember what it was) in a chemistry lab and asked "can you smash me", so it seems there's a theme with chemistry and accidentally asking people to do odd things to you :|
I laughed so hard I almost pissed myself, literally. Reminds me of a time I wanted to say "bless you" and "are you okay" to someone who had just sneezed and ended up saying "are you, you?"
I am known for mixing words like- I was going to get water from the fridge and my mom was sitting at the dinner table. Came out as "I need thirsty i am water"
my friend was down in the dumps and i tried to ask if he was moping and grumpy at the same time. it came out "are you groping?" my sister was trying to say "that guy wiped the floor with me" and "that guy kicked my ass" about a particularly hard boss battle in a video game, and came out with "that guy wiped my ass."
I once meant to tell my friend “oh I didn’t know your dad was a teacher” or “oh I didn’t know you had a dad as a teacher” but what I ended up saying was “oh. I didn’t know you had a dad.”
This once happened when I was texting my boyfriend. I wanted to say "I love you" and "Talk to you later" and ended up saying "love you later" I laughed so much trying to explain him what I was trying to say
I tried to ask a customer “What can I help you with?” and “What can I do for you?” at the same time. What came out of my mouth was “What can I do you with?”
This reminds me of the Tumblr post I saw of someone trying to say "Oh crap, I left my phone in my car," but what they almost said was "Oh no, I left my cone in my phar," but they caught themself, and what they actually said was "Ah, my fart cone."
I’ve definitely said “your problem!” multiple times. I also once told a customer “your turtle is $17.42” instead of “total” and we had a good laugh lol
My friend was telling me a story about how one of her idiot boyfriends at the time had been messing around in the street, and I cut her off near the end and said, "let me guess, he got ran over by a pancake, flattened like a car" She stared at me, asked if I meant to say that, and then we both started cackling once I realized what I said.
My favorite is this tweet that said "I tried to say 'hold on for a moment' and 'give me a second' and ended up saying 'hold me for a moment.' what a monday" 😂
Once, my mom and I were talking about 9/11. It was an emotional conversation, and she said something really serious to me about her experience (i wasn’t alive at the time). I tried to respond by saying “yeah” and “uh huh” at the same time. Ended up saying “yeehaw.”
Years and years ago, my little sister was learning proper table manners. I tried to tell her "don't chew with your mouth open" and "don't talk with your mouth full" at the same time. I ended up yelling "DON'T CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL" and she's never had three meals a day since.
I'm an English teacher for non natives, and while trying to explain the meaning of the word ball as a party/festivity, a student tried saying "nice explanation" or something and ended up saying "nice balls". We both died.
Oh my god. I would have burst into a fit of embarrassment. I was talking to my mom the other day, and I tried saying "I'm quite weird" and something else, I ended up saying I'm queer. 😑😮💨
I once tried to say "You're talking out of your butt", but somehow managed to combine it with another saying and it turned into "You're talking out of both sides of your butt."
Once a friend was telling me about her overcoming her intense anxiety attacks and I tried to say "I'm really happy for you." and "That's amazing!" at the same time and it came out as "I'm really amazing!" 🤦♀
Reminds me of the one time I was arguing with someone, and I wanted to say "I have" and "I am" and angrilly shouted "I HAM!" Argument ended right there as we both burst out laughing.
I've learned to avoid playing doubles tennis because whenever my partner does something well, I'll try and say "nice shot" and "nice hit" at the same time, and without fail I end up saying "nice shit!"
My friend who I am no longer friends with once tried to say "Having a mental breakdown" and "crying" at the same time and ended up saying "having a crying"
My ex-coworker once tried saying "Thank you for waiting" and "I am sorry for the inconvenience". Man came up to me devastated saying he just told an angry customer "Thank you for the inconvenience".
When I was in fourth grade all those eons ago, I went grocery shopping with my mom. I was carrying chicken to her shopping cart and accidentally bumped into a guy on my way. I guess I was trying to say both “oops” and “sorry!” at the same time, because I proceeded to look this man dead in the eyes and go, “Soup.” before walking away.
I tried to say "center of gravity" and "center of mass" at the same time, ended up with "center of grass," kept saying it throughout my explanation, before realizing I was saying it
Yesterday, I spilled pasta sauce on my hands, and in my distressed state, I just said "Jaa, fucking dahmn it" and me and my sister were just silent laughing in the kitchen over my gibberish 🤣
When working in fast food, I tried to tell an old lady "have a great day" and "have a good one" at the same time and ended up wishing her "have a good gay"
I've got one that literally just happened: My friends said they wanted to go for a walk whilst I wait for my food, and one of them felt bad for leaving me. I tried to say "Go, spread your wings" and "Go, stretch your legs" at the same time and ended up saying _"Go, spread your legs"..._
A while ago in New Zealand they were loosening some coronavirus restrictions and the politician making the announcement made exactly the same mistake. A classic.
When I started my first job as a cashier, I went to ask "Credit or debit?" And I just asked "Crebit?" and the customer was like tf bc I couldn't stop laughing 😂😂 shit still cracks me up
One time I tried to say "ah, shit," except halfway through it, I thought it'd be even funnier if I said frick instead. But then, halfway through _that,_ I thought it'd be even _funnier_ if I were to say heck. I ended up saying "Ah, Shrek."
I remember I once tried saying "I'm leaving" and "bye" at the same time, and I said "I'm bi" and my friend said "No, I'm the bi one, you're lesbian" she's not wrong though.
reminds me of the time my boy best friend asked me “are you lesbian” and “why are you gay” (he had a crush on me ig) but just ended up saying “why gay lesbian you’re” then one of his friends can up behind us and looked him dead in the eye and said, “no she f^cks pans too” (she’s pan+she f^cks guys too)
Just yesterday I was in an argument so I tried to say “shut up” and “ f^ck you” at the same time. Ended up saying “f^ck up” in a dead serious tone of voice 😂
my favourite one of these i read is someone walked into a library, couldn't decide between "i have to pay a fine" and "i have to pay a fee" (it was a few cents)--they said "i have to pee," slapped $5 on the counter, and walked out
A few months ago I was reading a book out loud and I tried to say "Bone breaking" in response to a situation that was happening in the story and I ended up saying "Thats Brain boking!"
One time my dog went in front of me and wouldn't move so i tried to say "Go on" but also ran into my dad at the same time so i tried to say "excuse me" but then just ended up blurting out "Go excuse". I think both of our brains hadn't really registered what i said until i said "Er- excuse me" Also i just wanted to say i haven't laughed like this for a long time. I was practically choke-laughing by the end of this. You have my respect.
My dad once gave me a lift to meet a friend for coffee but he dropped me off way too early. He then tried to say " you can always kill some time" and "just lose yourself for a bit" but what he actually said was "you can always kill yourself"
I once tried to tell my friend that I had snowflake earrings but then I accidentally switched the two words and was about to say that I had earflake snowrings but I caught it mid sentence so what came out was “I HAVE EAR FLAKES”.
One time I tried saying “I’m sitting” and “I’m squatting” at the same time but ended up saying “I’m squirting”. And what made this even more embarrassing was that I said this to my Aunt 🙃
I have a history with these kinds of misspeakings. For example, once in music theory class, I tried to say "flip flat and sharp." This resulted in me tentatively and carefully uttering the phrase "flip.... flap.... shart." My teacher didn't even say anything about it.
I was in two different conversations. I was trying to explain to someone how the Pope becomes the Pope, and another just to my friends. I was in the middle of a sentence about the Pope, and was thinking in my head for my next response in my other conversation, that had the word “loop” in it. I ended up blurting out “poop of the Catholic Church!”
my sister was playing pingpong with my dad, and he scored on her with some fancy twist. She tried to say "nice shot!" and "nice hit!" at the same time... i hear from the other room "NICE SH** DAD!!!!"
As some background for this, I have ADHD so sometimes I forget when I've done things in my daily routine, so occasionally I'll tell someone I've done a task immediately after I've done it. One day, I went up to my mother to say something about having brushed my teeth or that we need new toothpaste or something and all that came out was a very long pause followed by me saying the word "teeth" in an incredibly worrying tone.
Friend of mine tried to shout either "fuck you" or "I hate you" at another friend and ended up shouting "I fuck you" over the main place of a fairly elderly and christian town
A teacher was likely trying to say “Don’t go in threes” and “don’t block the hallway” and ended up saying, audibly to all present students, “don’t have a threeway”. It’s a shame I had to hear this story secondhand.
Once, someone asked me if I had my ears pierced. I tried to say “no I don’t have earrings on” and “I don’t have my ears pierced” at the same time, and loudly proclaimed “I don’t have my ears on” They looked at me like I was insane 💀💀😂
My sister was being annoying as all hell once when I was cooking rice-a-roni and started badgering me with questions "What flavor is it? When's it gonna be done?" And I was so pent up with anger I screamed "CHICKEN MINUTES" in unfiltered hatred and rage and she and mom just looked at me. It was so ridiculous that we burst into laughter after a moments silence
