Understand The Pain The Unfaithful Partner Experiences After An Affair 

this mainly applies to unfaithful partners that actually are remorseful of their actions. Most cheaters are not remorseful

I agree with everything BUT, if they cheated, they should also be strong enough to endure, give extreme compassion, understand and tolerate; when we, the victim, act out in pain.

unfortunately what you are saying about the unfaithful partner suffering and beating themselves up all the time is not always true. some of them think that once it is over, everyone should just move on, forget it and suck it up. Most people don't stay stuck like you are saying. He won't take full responsibility. the impact of what was done to me, emotional betrayal for years like for 15, and then financial as well as sexual caused me to have PTSD.... it has been awful for me. They do need to suffer some by seeing what was done to the hurt partner. NO we should not constantly bring it up, but the cheater does need to realize the deep pain.

My husband cheated on me several times.... I am very UNCONCERNED about his pain... people who cheat INTENTIONALLY HURT AND DAMAGE their partner just because they LOVE themselves not their spouse. He did the damage , his choice destroyed what we had, he made the bed he can sleep in it. An affair 8s not a mistake, an error or a bad choice. IRS a million small decisions. I could care less about his pain, I d8ne cause his pain..... he caused mine. Now I have to deal with mine.... he can deal with his.

The 5th element you mentioned is why i'll never go back. Too much of a daily, hourly, minute by minute toll.Better to just set each other FREE~

They should feel regret and shame forever like I will carry the pain of the infidelity until I take my last breath. It is the most horrific shameful thing done to someone and their children, it’s a selfish self serving act.

Most cheaters are not remorseful.

Couples Academy,100% accuracy thank you very much for creating high value educational videos! I really have been enlightened by your clarifications and explanations that are an emotional intelligence approach!

I like your video but sometimes the hurt partner is dealing with multiple betrayals. And it is not that easy too just get over, almost impossible

This truly hit home for me! I’ve been in this for years with my partner.

You are a wise man . Well done for spreading your wisdom and teaching others .

I’m trying so hard to see things from his point of view. However, three women that I know of for sure (all were married or in “committed” relationships) one woman lasted off and on for 6 years. This woman is known to sleep around ALOT. During our pregnancies, HE not only put MY health at risk... but our babies. I’m trying to see his pain, all I see is how badly he hurt our children.

This is very helpful...glad it popped up for me....God is good...

Thank you brother for the wisdom and help. Peace.

So why are they cheating then? It's a curse over them! Dump them and run!!!!! Never to back!!

I did empathize and give him chance after chance to end the inappropriate relationship. I received only lies and more investment of our money into her life. The lies continued and I had to proceed with the divorce hoping that he would wake up. No he did not want to change. He is living with her now!

Great stuff. Most marriage counselors do more harm than good. You're have an amazing approach and presentation. Marriage was created by God. God bless you in your mission to save them.

Sorry, side of the fence? Understand his pain? Are you kidding me? Betrayal destroyed me. He’s a piece of crap. And always will be. I cannot be convinced that cheaters suffer even half of what the betrayed feels. 30 years later, I still feel damaged and I am still single.

You’re an incredible speaker. Excellent video, well done.

I hope she has all those negative feelings. She earned them

I hope you’ll right what you are saying! My husband cheated on me and made his girlfriend pregnant, when l discovered it he blamed me for not having / can’t get pregnant! I hope he will suffer like l did for years and my pain was unbearable! Hope he will regret what he did to me! He is still with her because she refuses child custody! We are divorced right now and l still can’t forget about it! But god is above he will take care of everything 👌🏼

Nobody wants to think of the AP as Eve. Or a 'sweet nectar".

The perpetrator's pain is being exposed and loose face infrontof scociety. A cheater is sociopath and a coward . The cheater can try with for a second chance but with somebody else.

As the betrayed, I know I struggle with this: is my wife hurting bc she hurt me, or bc she misses the affair partner???

The Adam and nectar of fruit, etc. Is absolutely profound on so many levels. This be a virw i have never heard before, so many layers of understanding, this make an interesting side topic one day. Yes, both partners at every stage are spirituality, standing with God etc., is very important too. Regardless, the message is important for both sides to learn from.

I highly agree with this video from personal recent experience

The thought that someone else is feeling good from something that suppose to make me alone feel good pains and hurt really badly and the vision of that happening makes it hard to stay or forgive.

Give me a break Cheaters cheat because of a choice. That choice affects everyone They don’t think about the consequences

Excellent.

My husband said he didn’t even think about me during his 2 year affair. If there is no guilt or regret then why now, you just got caught. My husband won’t even come clean about anything. Says he never touched her. That’s not what the messages said. I won’t be sympathetic to his needs until he comes clean so I can move on with my healing.

I have know this guy towards the end of 2013.I don't feel sharing this pain I am going thru with family. But I have only shared with close close friend of mine that knows my current partner. I have been with my partner for years now. After a few weeks we had met I found out his engaged and I ended things with him. I ddnt see him until after 6months. He was waiting for me where I usually catch my transport to school. We went back to talking but this tym I was not into him at all becoz he was still with his fiance.. I honestly was just a friend to him.. communication between us was not very close until he started telling me that he loves me and wants to have kids with me. He told me that the fiance had a miscarriage...not sure if it was the first time or not.I was totally confused and I was still young.. He then told me that the fiancé has left that was towards the end of 2015.. but this time she took all of her stuff and he does not think she will come back. I was in tertiary by that time and we started talking frequently. But hardly spent tym together. That was 2016 2017 2018 Fast forward I found out he has a child with the fiancé..I found this out in 2019 It was the hardest thing ever. In the middle of that I lost my mom in 2017. When I asked him why did he keep it from me He says he was scared I was going to leave him and also that he never knew of the child coz the fiance kept it from him.He says there relationship had the fiance parents controlling and telling them how to live thier lives which he says was hard for him. I dealt with this issue very badly i hated him. I never wanted to be with someone with a child..but nowadays many guys have kids. He had allowed me to live with the thought that we both don't hv kids and we just going to start our own family. That is exactly what hurt me. Fast forward 2022 I found out his actually married to the same women he has a child with.💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 I am still crumbled. I asked again why did you not tell me about this ..he says he wanted to tell me after the divorce was finalized and he didn't want to hurt me ..on top of that he wants to propose to me and meet my family in the middle of all this craziness.. I have never met someone so selfish and heartless. The fiance/wife now has a child with another guy. The only problem is I still do love him but it's no longer as before. Another problem is I am not working as yet and his been helping me financially..But I DO NOT like living like that. I am independent and I dislike having to be dependent on someone. Let alone some 1 who has put thru so much pain... I can see that he loves me. But now I am scared that what more can he do to me if I move forward with him and forgive him. At the same time I am in pain of being kept waiting and I ain't getting any younger. I want a family and be a wife And we dnt have a child together. I want some that will respect me and the relationship. Sometimes I think to myself that maybe it's one of the challenges we going thru and it shall pass. But I'm tired of fighting n crying I am seeking for peace that is what I am after.HELP HELP

I hear a bunch of assumptions about the unfaithful partner that may or may not be true. Sure they will say they are suffering but they could just be going through the motions. You are not exactly dealing with a bastion of integrity. If staying in the relationship is the best pragmatic option (for many, many reasons other than real remorse...not just remorseful they got caught) then they can shed a few tears and endure this process and simply view it as the cost of getting laid and getting caught. You never really know what they are thinking or feeling...only what they want you to know. If can't prove it there is plenty of room for doubt. True remorse might only come if their choice to get some strange while they are not able to manipulate their spouse into staying...so only 1 out of 2 selfish endeavors. If the BS kicks them out immediately...then perhaps when the full weight of losing their human ATM machine, Family, friends, etc...becomes reality something to be remorseful about.

in order for them to feel pain and guilt for what they've done, that would require them to have remorse for their actions; which clearly my cheating partner did not have. He had and still has no remorse and doesnt feel like he did anything wrong

Us men can be very wicked sometimes in life. Understand women try really hard to help us men see real sense where love is concern. The complexity runs deep. Men and women are really from different WORLDS. (Yes worlds) all I can say is when someone cheats everybody gets hurt. Men have a heart and don't undermine Love. Love is everything!!!

anyone else here trying to fix a big fuck up 😪😪

I really appreciate this insight. However, I have a comment that I would like clarity. You mentioned GOD, so I will add scripture. 1. Exodus 20:14 state’s Thou Shall Not Committ Adultery 2. Provers 6:32-33 states 32 But a man who commits adultery(A) has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself. 33 Blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never(C) be wiped away. It sounds the guilt and shame of the adulterer is a form of payment for the act placed on them. This is why GOD pleads with us “DO NO COMMIT ADULTERY” because there will guilt that will not be taken away. Any counter thoughts?

How do I contact you. I am hurting like....words cannot describe. Nearly 3 months now and the pain still raw

Old Italian saying,😢.Not even wild animals do what humans do to each other .😢

It seems as though my husband regrets it for a little while and then the cycle begins again. I have been dealing with him having emotional and physical affairs for 8 years. The most recent being an emotional affair I found out about days ago. When trying to talk to him about it he just says he needs counseling and will not discuss the issues. Not sure how much more I can take. This time it seems like he doesn't feel guilty about it. There is no trust.

Thank you😢

They deserve the pain, they knew better and did it anyway.

What about the fact that I heard he cheated and denied it while being completely missing for eight days straight and then he does it again, only this time it cost him his life!! I now am finding out the full extent of just how bad he cheated on me with multiple women and escorts, prostitutes and just any kind of sexual relationship he could find behind my back! Now that he’s passed away obviously I don’t have to worry about him cheating anymore but it still hurts me to know that I was living with a complete stranger for almost four years!! I’m still finding out things he’s done over the years and it’s almost like he’s taunting me!! It’s just not fair that he gets to rest in peace while I am still alive living in hell!!?

you act like the hurt partner ever actually heals from such betrayal. other than that you make good points.

Hi Hassani... what about if the unfaithful spouse is still involved in the emotional affair and wants out/separate/divorce? Denies it, has not remorseful, etc. does not want help. On an emotional roller coaster. Hot and cold.

We’ve been dating for about 10 months. We are in our 50s. We have both stated that we are committed to each other and are working toward marriage. However, I learned that he had failed to end a relationship that he has started up again about the same time we started dating. At the very least, he should’ve ended the other relationship when he realized he was serious about us.After my initial meltdown, anytime I try to ask a question ( literally 2 questions) or explain my insecurities,I either get guilted for asking or it results in a blow up. I have no one else to talk to., Because I don’t want anyone to know. I don’t want to out him. I don’t want people to judge him for this. Truly, he is a much better man than the affair. And I’m not ready to throw in the towel. What should I do? How can I make him understand? And by the way, just because we don’t have that legal piece of paper, my heart doesn’t know that.

I have the most amazing wife been married for almost 11 years. I cheated on my wife and I still don’t know why I did what I did and my wife deserves to know why.

I got married on 12/12/12. Currently going through a divorce due to continuous disrespect to me & our marriage, & full blown adultry!! If my husband felt any of these ways as the unfaithful partner.. then he wouldn't do it again. But he has!! Not everytime full blown sex with another (although there has been a few times that I'm aware of). But people who love their spouse don't do things to hurt them. People who are truly sorry & regretful, & all these emotions you claim they ALL have.. I have a very hard time believing.

My husband hasn't outwardly expressed remorse but I can look at him and see his remorse and how heavy this has all been on him. I'm trying to control myself and my hurt and anger.

Thank you so much for sharing! Your video has really helped me! It's sad to see so many unforgiving people. Christ forgave everyone including the woman who was caught in the act of adultery. Isn't part of our purpose in life to be more like Christ? (This isn't for the spouse who has or shows no remorse or regret for what they've done.)

Question; My female confessed to cheating on me twice , last month she said she cheated cuz i cheated before, wanted me to feel how she felt, but instead it made her feel bad and confess to me..but i went thru her text messages with him, she was saying how she liked him, asked him to eat her out..they had pics together..my question is should i take her back? how should i go about it?

He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. John 8. I agree, however, it's like a clean sheet of paper once is crumble never goes back to being the same. Advice, don't do it. But do remember some are truly remorseful others will continue to do it.

your wife is a lucky woman

No remorse or repentance.

having been the one that violated the relationship, guilt and shame killed our marriage. Having gone through many rounds of marriage counseling and ultimately going to counseling for myself having a spouse that never properly healed himself caused his anger to be raid, insult me and mentally abused me. I accepted it for 16 years because i began believing what he was saying and do it I caused myself and so it became my penance. There is a time when that healing process needs to take place completely independently and together if not your marriage will fail as mine has.

Well you have to emotionally and sometimes physically tair down your partner to have an affair. Especially if they have been exposing the other to stds and other thi gs and has no care. Yet they are in so much pain. The journey was very diffrent. They were on the same roller coster. They was riding with someone else and they abandoned their partner. Then they got back on with their partner when they got caught and vomited all over them then sit there and say poor me im hurting.

What if the unfaithful person only regrets or feels bad because they were caught? He told me if only him and whoever were they only people who knew and never tell anyone then no one gets hurt why would he feel guilty or have regret then?

when is it time to walk away?

Does the Narcissistic experience pain too? Smh

Why care about the unfaithful partner? Why care about their emotional struggles? He -she didn't care about making their partner into a victim dealing with suffocating, blinding emotional rage, pain, hatred, regret. Once that trust is broken, it can never be fully replaced. The relationship is damaged, broken like shattered glass. Sorry, I don't agree with this video. The unfaithful partner should feel the same pain they inflicted on their partner. Their heart and soul ripped out their chest.

They are overindulgent , self centered

Honestly i just feel like a second choice and i dont think she understands that, she makes it seem as if it never happened.

What happens when its your child who has been violated by your partner.

You tell about infidelity ? are sure for your self you dont cheat in your whole life?

What happens when the adulterous leaves moves out living with his infidelity jezabel?

The intense pain created by an affair is debilitating.. the person who had the affair.. oh go ahead. give them a few whacks so they feel some of the pain they caused ...then decide if you want to hear what they have to say ... tormented. .. lol GOOD

My husband cheated on me and sold his body to a girl for money three different

Lmao he make cheating sound easy

15:09

Stop encouraging the unfaithful to appear as victims! Woe to the author of this that calls wrong right and right wrong

I am the unfaithful partner and I want to restore my marriage but my wife doesn't want to go through counseling. We been married twice to each other and I cheated with the same person. What do I do? I need your help

Recover as a couple? Lol there is no recovery!😄 you crazy lol

Sad about Trump leaving? Are you for real?