Dealing With Triggers After Infidelity | Couples Academy 

Cheating is not a mistake it is simply a decision!

Man i literally cried the entire time watching this. Thank you I needed to hear this to know I wasn’t going crazy. I get these triggers and can’t breath, I get angry, I cry, I get anxiety attacks and I feel helpless.

I was once a victim of heart break. My husband was cheating on me for about 2 years in our marriage. When I became suspicious, he always says that I am looking for excuses since I haven't caught him. But there was allot of red flags and so I talked to a friend. who advised me and connected to some professional. Who helped me uncover everything with proofs, so he can't deny it. I was so devastated when I found out but I am glad I did. Because I was getting so troubled at heart. But after this, I found a way to gain back my inner peace. Sometimes it is better to know than to just keep being troubled at heart. I am happy that I did take those steps.

Yes this is real and is worse when ur husband thinks he is doing everything right and just wants u to move on. And specially gets bothered when u bring it up or get sad

Infidelity destroys souls. Why would anyone do that to someone else? It changes them forever

I’ve never felt more validated in my feelings. Not with my friends, partner, anyone. I finally have clarity on my thoughts and know some steps to take. I never ever thought I’d heal but this gave me hope again. Thank you so much for this.

It's been 8 months and I'm triggered daily. I sent him this video. I hope he finally understands where I'm coming from.

13 years later and I am still drowning in hurt. Yet, I am still supposed to just "move on" because they haven't done it since.

This was a blessing on so many levels but here is a point of view not covered. How about the feeling of the one who committed the offense...the brokenness, guilt, shame, the prison depression, conviction was unbarible..I had insomnia, isolation, irritability, my family said I would be in my room for days coming out just to eat and bathe...When the bible says your a slave to it you are! Through Gods grace and alot of tears and repentance we are still together..We both come from broken homes and see the devastation of divorce so that was not a option with our daughter. As a man who nevsr wants to hurt the ones I love the most, it's important to talk about our struggles along with the ones we hurt. Its a every day battle!! Flee sexual Sin! Don't dab, play, think, entertain, watch, it will destroy you and everyone you❤

This video really put voice to my experience and pain unlike any other video I've watched so far. Thank you.

What took years to build demolished in seconds!!!

Husbands go through this as well not just the sisters.

I needed this, I have watched this so many times it's not even funny. To have someone on this earth that understands how hard it can be is just reassuring. I don't think my wife will ever understand the hurt and pain one goes through with just one act of infidelity let along multiple. You guys are great and I appreciate the time you took to make this video for "ME"!!

Thank you for this video. Danielle you are hitting it on the nail. Things are really the way you describe, your questions and comments are just so on point!

I was married to a narcissist for 17 years and he slept with my identical twin. The only two people I was close to and trusted. I had children with him... I'm not sure if I'll ever recover. It affects all of my current relationships. I always wonder, is this person cheating or is it all in my head, because I dont trust anyone anymore. I no longer trust my own feelings and intuition anymore. It's tough. No matter how much time passes, some days it just hits me like it happened yesterday. They are both out of my life, but it's so hard to let go of it. I meditate on releasing it daily and most days I'm fine and then, out of the blue, it just hits me..God and Jesus and my children are the only relationships I have anymore. Any other relationships are too painful. I am so happy being alone...I just wish I could drink something that makes me completely forget what happened. I wish I never knew.

I've been battling PTSD anger and resentment for five years now... this video really helped me. Thank you

This made me feel more sane. I am having a hard time between triggers, thoughts, and intuition and separating the 3. I related with so much of this video

Replace the “she” with a “he” and you’ve spoken directly to my experience

Thank you for this video. This is a great part of my healing journey

God knows I wish he would watch this so that he could understand.....

I hate all the excuses cheaters have. What about the neglect they do to there wives ? You didn’t slip on a banana peel and fall into some ones bed 😡 it’s a choice. My husband thinks I should just be able to get over his 2 year affair like a light switch. 😡

This is so on point - grateful to have come across this . Even harder when infidelity leads to a child

Thank you so much for creating a video that told it exactly how it is. I didn’t feel like you were talking at me but talking with me and having a conversation.

Tho I am in a premarital relationship 2 years long, I have found this video very helpful. I’m the unfaithful here and now I perhaps have a deeper understanding when my gf is going through her day. I’m very fortunate that she’s willing to give it a chance and so this video right here is giving me a better idea on how to make sure she heals in the process. I will now worry about saying specific names, areas, and also avoid certain areas when I’m out

Thank You! This Coming From A Woman Gives Me Reassurance That What I've Been Doing Is On The Right Track To Saving My Relationship!

This is the best information about how a betrayed person feels and how the betrayed can deal. I just wish my spouse would watch. Its more important for the person who betrayed to see this and well...let's face it.... they just want to move on. Love what you guys are doing here. Thank u Thank u!

Thank you for this! This video is spot on in terms of how I've felt/been feeling. I have been suffering for months thinking and feeling ashamed/guilty that I'm having triggers and wondering if I'm over reacting. You guys have put words/explanation to what I'm feeling. I don't feel so bad as I feel that the way I feel is validated and I have the right to feel traumatized. Thank you again, you guys are awesome.

I hated a certain date of the month, i notice I would snap and have an attitude every time that date was approaching, it does take time to heal it took two years for my triggers to stop. I thank god that I’m heal and my marriage is heal.

This is by far the best delivery of the reality, speaking and explaining each partners experience within infidelity.

GREAT VIDEO . Wasn’t until I ran across this video that I actually saw someone else relate to how I actually feel.

Thank you for taking the time to encourage and support us. You are making a difference in our lives. .

Omg I needed this 9 months ago! 😭

This was very powerful knowledge.. and help... I feel very identify with this message... I have been having troubles with alot of the topics...

Thank you for this video I hope you have the best life possible you guys deserve it

Thank you for this, it's really opened my eyes to what I've gone through and what has happened for me and my partner. We both have some of these exact traits Fantastic video

Thank you so much for this video 🖤 Great Info that I relate to💚

This video right here is literally me all over. As much as I love my husband his serial cheating has affected me deeply where the smallest thing sets me off in feeling stressed, heartbroken plus more. I dont think my husband understands what he's done regardless of me trying to find a way to heal for us to move forward.

This was such a great video. I am truly in trouble. The crazy thing is. I’m also beyond my time. I say that because I’ve been writing. I write daily to every two days. I have made a list of triggers about a month ago. I have also wrote in my journal cursing people out. I have been doing that a lot this past year. I have not said some of the things to some of the people that has wronged me. My husband is the type of person like you have described before as far as being a peacekeeper. He will sweep everything under the rug then say taaaa daaaaa I’m here, I thought you said we were moving forward, so why do we keep talking about this. He say he understands the devastation it caused me, but that is to be determined. Because of the infidelity I have experienced some weight loss to where I’ve went 2-3 days without eating, I go to work then come home and go straight to bed at 6pm ( I’m grieving terribly the cycle start then finish’s then start back again) when I found out i instantly get diarrhea, anxiety and panic attack. I thank god I was never pregnant when I found these things out because I know I would have lost a child or two because the feeling in my body automatically causes me to release everything inside of me including urine. I’m just sick to my stomach to where I can function long enough to last the work day then come home ignore and neglect my children (all they want to do is talk to me but my mind becomes so preoccupied that I can’t even hear them when they speak to me) unconsciously just to get back up the next day

This is good and real!!! I wish he could understand this.. it’s hard at times

This video is incredible! You guys have no idea how important of a service you are providing. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

This video is spot on, shout out to you guys

You hit the jackpot, sir. Your wife is stunning.

Love Hasani’s visual imagery!

Just subscribe! Thankyou my husband recently had an emotional affair and I'm really in a painful space. I love your great advice.

This is spot on with everything I’m dealing with

I’ve needed this for the past 8 months. Thank you. That exactly how I felt and I feel that’s how he felt. I still ask the same questions over & over, I still feel hurt. I feel like he wants to rush me through this

You two are very good. Your knowledge and understanding on the subject matter is bar none. Thank you!

Great advice!

Thank you for the video ❤ in my journey of recovering and forgiving😊

Thank you Jesus for this video! And thank you both for giving me a better understanding. I've watched this video a few times and still getting milage out of it. It feels like you were talking about me!

Thanks for this video, very helpful

Great session.

Same. He left me in read and suddenly I remembered that he usually is texting other women when he is missing. I feel the same exact hurt, even though we were building.

You didn't mention not being able to touch are show real caring and loving feelings because they so easily gave themselves to someone besides not coming clean.

I really needed to hear this. My wife and I are currently on a break due to an affair. And I've been going through alot of triggers. Now I have clarity on how to deal with them.. Thanks alot

This did help me a lot

You guys nailed it. You covered so many things that are so true. What about when she has to keep on dealing with him because she has children with him? What about when it’s cheating multiple times and lying multiple times? How do I deal? (Asking for a “friend” LOL) What if he is bent on continuing communication with her and makes it the only way she can see her kids? How can we overcome this? Again asking for a “friend”

You get it!

Very insightful

Amazing video

Great information I like how the guy kept saying unfaithful partner because it could be man or woman !!!

Hard work who needs this in one’s life especially as you get older

Infidelity has been literally, by far the most pain I've EVER been in... even years later after it's over. My triggers are not taken well. I try to be honest and state my triggers but then it jist causes more problems so I have to keep it to myself but it's very difficult. I don't think I will ever get over thus. I've simply learned how to manage it the best I can.

The infidelity issues I'm dealing with right now are so painful because I recently got married and I was already two months pregnant on my wedding day, I'm now 8 months pregnant and have been battling depression due to finding out that he's been sleeping with hookers this whole year, this after a squeecky clean couple of years of no infidelity at all... This has truly destroyed me as I'm currently completely dependent on him financially and cannot leave, I'm an emotional reck constantly and now have serious trust issues. The sadness I feel is tremendous as all this anxiety and depression couldn't have happened at a worse time cause it will somehow impact my unborn child 😭. He doesn't see it as a big deal because he says it's just call girls and not an actual affair... But feels terrible for how it's hurt me and how depressed I am while carrying his unborn child. I have literally no one to talk to about what I'm going through and dealing with. I'm so heart sore. 💔💔

For me it’s the needing to know, to move forward. I expect clarity and honesty that way I can know if I can ever trust the person again, if I feel like the person isn’t being transparent about everything then it’s hard to keep moving forward

It is indeed worst than death. I thank God for helping me keep my sanity. I would have ended up behind bars because of two counts of murder and as a result, two kids who are forced to grow up because of a broken family. And I had to live with this tsunami of negative emotions just to keep my family intact. I feel if I give up on the marriage, its my fault my kids will go astray.

Thanks 👍🏽 appreciate it

I found this to be very good information especially in my situation as my wife cheated but we are openly talking as she is understanding my pain and answers all my questions. But at the same time I don’t want to beat the topic to death but you two have helped me find a ways to get more information into a consolidated way. We have been working on our issue for a week as I’m doing well with her infidelity I do get triggered and when I do I try not to jump on her about it I just try to let it pass and then ask her to explain any new questions I have. I can admit the talking and her openness to speak to me about it has help me in a big way. I will ask her to watch this video as well so she can understand my point of view. Thank you again

I feel like if I have to through all of this anxiety and triggers....it's time to leave! Sorry...i just can't 🤨

It’s best to move on rather stay. The individual usually never fully respect you again. You have to let the feelings happen and they will fade

I really found this extremely insightful and put a voice to how I feel.

Every part of this video I needed! My husband sent me the video talking about the sufferer, the builder, and the adventure. I realized that for 3 years I've been the sufferer. This video talking about triggers is spot on! I have been feeling it all, down to the movie scenes! God knew I needed this video! I'm trying to move past the infidelity. We've created table talk where we talk about any and everything. Then we read our Word. God hates divorce, so I'm trying all I can. The triggers are the worse because i want to run full speed away from this all, but I love God and want to please Him. Pray for us.

This has been so very helpful. What about the affair being with someone you were around. I feel disrespected on top of the affair. I can't find closure. The female he had the affair with, I want to address her. I want us both to address her. She was a part of my circle for over three years. She took my son's graduation pictures. My husband just wants to move forward and keep asking for forgiveness. I pray and can't seems to forgive. I want to forgive, however, I want it to be genuine. At this point too much damage and not enough action on his part. He hasn't done anything forthcoming, everything has been like pulling teeth. I don't know who he is anymore. Where is the man I deeply love.

I had a long term boyfriend who cheated once. I walked away. He came back sorry and wanting to start over. Problem was he kept the woman has a friend. Texting/talking and fb buddy. He thought it was wrong for me to ask him to give up that friend or at least distance himself from her. 😲

Thanks for these videos. They have been very helpful. I am the betrayer (had an affair with his best friend before my partner and I started dating and didn't tell him until 2 yrs into our relationship). My partner decided to go through with the relationship and we got married almost a year now. It's been 3 yrs since Dday, we've made significant progress but he still has troubles with triggers, his masculinity and how his friends will see him. How can we deal with this? Please help!!!

What do you do when your spouse see you as a trigger? How do you handle infidelity from both and one spouse minimize their action. What do you do when there’s awkwardness between the two during intimate times(Outings just the two, showers together, pillow talk, etc)?

What about triggers for the unfaithful? Are they allowed during the rebuilding and healing process? I.e. pet or nicknames... they prefer their mate not use anymore because the assailant wanted to be called that

How does one really deal with triggers after infidelity?? There are so many... 🙄 When he's staring at another beautiful woman while you both in public - that's a trigger. Him viewing porn videos daily and fantasizing about doing things to others cause he's technically bored of sleeping with you after so many years, that's a trigger. Him commenting on how beautiful another woman is while watching something on TV, that's a trigger. Him leaving the house telling you he's on his way to work and that he'll be back late knowing full well that he's gonna slip in sometime in the day to screw around with someone else.... Trigger. There's just no winning. Him sneaking around while you're half asleep and deleting certain conversations on his phone with women saved under fictitious names.... It's alot. 🙄💔 Never had any issues with porn until I got cheated on and triggers started to follow me everywhere. There's still nothing wrong with porn to stimulate an old and tired relationship that needs help but when you dealing with a porn addict who just so happens to be your husband who's cheated then it's something else.

Watching this in my moments of triggers,dated this guy for five years,got married,then two months into the marriage i realize he has a one year old son 🥺

Triggers from infidelity. I have a major trigger from infidelity. My son who's not my son. I see him daily looking like his biological father. His father who's my cousin. For 3 years, I thought my son was mine until I found out that he wasn't. I stayed in my relationship and for 18 years, I suffered when seeing him. I kept it all battled in even during my most intense depression. I stayed in my relationship because of my daughter. I knew I had to stay in her life because I am her protector and father. Now she's 19. We now have 7 year old twin girls and yes, I am still with their mother, and I am still suffering frequently. I have many good days but the bad days are torturous. These people talking about a scent as a trigger. My son is my trigger. I did nothing to deserve this.

Mine had an emotional affair with his coworker. She’s coming back in a few weeks to visit work. Everyone says she can, cause not just my husband worked there. He was drinking a lot. I hate alcohol and it triggers me. He says I don’t care about what he needs. He needs the alcohol to unwind from his day. He doesn’t drink a lot, but it freaks me out. Then he picked up smoking, and now I don’t trust him at all. Never distrusted him, any female. Even from his past triggers me now, when it didn’t then. Old female coworkers. I have so many. I feel like he’s lying, burner phone, sometimes leaves work to go to a job site, and I freak out he’s doing something. I hate it. It’s like torture. I never had these feelings before. All I want is for him to tell her to go away. When she moved and started texting him again. I kindly asked her to leave us alone. She said she would. She’s visited him twice now. Last year she followed him around for an hour.

Thank you for this ❤

My now husband, cheated on me multiple times with the same woman when we were dating in a long distance relationship. 3years into our marriage, and I’m just now finding out. It was five years ago but I feel deceived and hurt. Thoughts on how to deal or move forward...

How do you do the work? Where do you start?

She cheated and I found out.. so much pain so we went apart. She hang out with him for a few months till she called me 4 months later that she wanted to try again and so we did... the hardest part is the biggest trigger. She still hangs out with him as 'friends'. Now that's a mega trigger. Believe me..

What if the trigger is what he says caused him to cheat.

What do you do when the affair was with a coworker and they still work together?? Help.

I’ve been fighting triggers & lose complete control of how I feel towards my partner. It’s been 6 years & I feel trapped in my head

How does talking about it constantly with 3rd parties help you heal? I find that for me I’m able to get over triggers if I “open it up for discussion” with people in my life that aren’t in our lives. People in our lives will judge him but people that are distance from him won’t judge. I also throw away anything in the house that could trigger the rage eg shirts that remind me of a day etc 😏 #OwnCopingMechanisms

Question- are they suppose to do any request we have? Say I don’t want him leaving the house without me ever. Or I want to check his phone whenever I want?

I’m sorry Shruthi.

I agree this is hard I just recently found out my husband was cheating ansmd when asking mind you not, not accusing or yelling just asking I was screamed at and told I betrayed his trust by looking at his phone. I am working on forgiving him but it is def hard I know the biggest trigger I have is ticktock right now

Great teachings. Thank you for your Ministry.

Going back to the Hiroshima bomb; if going over & over & the questions is exhausting for the unfaithful, try to imagine what it’s like for the betrayed to try to reconstruct their city of Hiroshima! Your “bomb” has destroyed every belief, trust, reality, intuition, history with you, all the “special events”, favorite places, all their efforts in building a life with you, their concepts of what they thought they knew. Nothing will ever be the same for them again. Now, that the rose colored glasses have been blown off, their level of hyper vigilance is on every thing you say, do, don’t do, rationalize about, cop out on, every sigh, eye roll, excuse, pretense of innocence, every act of avoidance, inconsistency, missing bit of time and so on. You’re now under a microscope because they can’t trust you. And you think you’re exhausted? YOU HAVE ALL THE REALITY THAT THE BETRAYED WAS EXCLUDED FROM! You stole their life, their reality, their very ground from under their feet! You replaced them with a stranger and set them adrift at sea with no rudder, no compass, no shoreline! Nothing is recognizable. You stole all of their choices in secret! YOU HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS TO THEIR QUESTIONS! If you love your spouse at all & want to save or rebuild a relationship with them, don’t breadcrumb them with tidbits of information! You owe them everything to help them heal! If you can show compassion & true remorse, tell them everything they need to know! Anything less is just more lying, deception, secrecy, cruelty & manipulation!

A decision can be a mistake.

She married perfection. I wish my husband was like him.

I was with my now ex husband since we were 15 yrs old for 27 yrs but 17 yrs into our relationship/marriage he cheated on me for the first time and it was devastating, but I stayed and we worked thru that affair. However over the next 10 yrs he ended up having 5 affairs that I know of (and I don’t know how many others that I didn’t know about). I gave my everything and we had one daughter that was 9 at the time this all began, at the age of 18 I found out about his last affair, that was the breaking point I couldn’t do this anymore, I had lost all respect for myself and it damaged my daughter more by staying than had I left sooner. I can’t go back and change things now but in divorce I lost everything, the life i was used to, my best friend & and all I had ever known. I do agree you shouldn’t just walk away but infidelity is a deal breaker now for me. I cannot trust a man again at this point because of what the one I trusted most and said he loved me did to our marriage for over 10 yrs. My daughter came to me after all the divorce was over, she said she wished I left her dad when she was 9 because it affected her in ways I can never go back and change and that affects it had on her, that breaks my heart every day. In conclusion, my ex husband raced to the alter 3 months after our divorce file and married the last girl her cheated on me with. We have one life, I feel that you need to take care of yourself and your kids first, if you are with someone that doesn’t respect you and the family you built then don’t stay. I was able to find out all this through the help of a hacker. Ciaberhacker2019 @gmailcom. I will forever be grateful to you for helping me expose him. I recommend him to anyone.

Would u guys have a discussion on trying to love again after a abusive relationship. I was in a violent abusive relationship mental &physical for 5 years I left with my son and have meet the most amazing man but I find I am self sabotaging this relationship. This is his first long term relationship. I'm Not giving him attention and putting cleaning and work in the way I feel I try so hard but my actions don't show this.

Currently going through this with my wife it's difficult bcz I dnt think she understands what it feels like to constantly have to feel anxiety but I love my wife to death

Can you please tell me why you only keep referring to the “hurt wives”?! I’m a guy & been cheated on!! Smh.