Dr Ramani... have you ever come across or is there something like the narcissistic feed is also using the the narcissist, back..like the so called victim is getting a lot more benefiting than a true victim? Is that possible??
@@sriroopa123 I think something like co-dependency might be the case. Where the true victim in needy and possibly BPD. For me catering to two Narcissists (mother&ex-husband) was all about hoping they would come good. I held on to the glimmer of the person I hoped they could be. Drip fed fake love.
Can I say I' I've wanted to find myself for years and I can never show the people I love ' the love I have for them ' I know 100 percent I am a narcasist ' but I just need to someone to understand what I'm going thru ' and I feel like there must be someone out there who has a answer to my question ' I just wanna ask one question to the professor on this video
@@michaelzane3823 It should never be difficult to treat someone well who treats you well. There is a sociopath on here who talks about that. If someone does good to her that she does it back.
@@denorwhi we are hypersensitive to insults or someone disliking us. We are living in a world which we made for ourselves where everyone likes us because we were not loved as a child, or maybe were loved too much or something similar. Now in that world if someone insults us that world starts to fall apart. Our anger is something like we are telling(or hoping) you to play along the play of our grandiosity because we are way too afraid to become vulnerable and share our pain..... It would be humiliating, embarrassing and no matter what you neurotypical would say you would always see us in that light of misery and with pity once we open up. We would rather be looked at with awe or even hate but not pity. And you neurotypical people also have that narcissistic core, but you just fit in with other people so you don't have to worry too much coz you can relate to others and you feel like you belong. For eg, you got in an argument with a narcissist, no matter how valid the point narcissist is putting up you can always discard it because he is a narcissist and even the room would support you. The narcissist would have even less power if he had already come out to you about his pain and him being a narcissist. We hide our pains because we do understand malevolence in other people which even they are unaware of..... So get off your high horse, you're not better than any one of us..... Not one
@@AmanSharma-jy7lw not true for me. My kids dad is a narcissist. We were together 8 years. I tried everything to make him happy. I even accepted that I wasn't happy but if I could get him happy, I would get happiness from that. Every single day I never knew what the world looked like with him. Monday he was wonderful and amazing. By Tuesday he was depressed, low, angry, cold, and mean. This was the cycle for 8 years! He was just miserable and determined to not be happy. When I was happy, he always found a way to ruin it and make me feel like crap. The amount of healing I had to do to recover from those 8 years has been huge. And I'm still not completely healed. He broke my spirit and ruined my life for many years. And all I ever tried to do was make him happy. He's just so empty. He feels nothing. He doesn't bond. He doesn't connect. He blames everyone for everything. No accountability EVER!
Unfortunately you don’t know they’re a narcissist until they’ve burned you. But once you’ve experienced it and know what it is, you truly see it. Get away, stay away, be happy with the simple things in life.
You should know they are a narcissist by watching them burn others. It should not take them doing it to you before you notice. You watch what they say about others and what they do to others. If somebody is malicious and devious trying to hurt or humiliate, insult, or degrade somebody else, you are being selfish and ignorant thinking they would never treat you the same.
@Joe MacNeill I suggest not getting involved with them in the first place. But if you are in a relationship with them, you need to encourage them to get help for their sake and your sake. Always know that you are not a matyr.
You say victims and that’s fine, but if a victim were to call themselves a victim, then they’re labeled a vulnerable narcissist. Is there a safe place for the hurting victims to get help, or are they doomed to just venting on this platform?
I can't agree enough! These videos helped me sooooo much when I was discarded. I couldn't understand what had happened to me and Dr. Ramani explained it so well. So I could finally understand what had happened, that it wasnt my fault and that there was nothing I could do to stop the inevitable breakdown of my marriage it would've always happened.
“I’m loving this cup right now, because it’s giving me what I want. In 10 minutes I won’t love it anymore.” What a great metaphor for the narcissist’s view of the supply, Dr.Ramani!
The best thing about recognising narcissists is understanding that NOTHING you say or do will ever change them or the way they see things. Strict boundaries and distance is the only way.
I tried the distance thing or low contact thing and it just didn't work after a while for me. I had to go no contact except for financial contract off to finish the end of
I know someone who tries to make me look like the bad guy to other people because of me trying not to involve said people. So I end up saying what happened and then I’m not believed.
When a narcissist says he/she loves you, it's just for that moment because you are fitting into his/her scenario of what that moment should look like. When that moment passes, he/she is indifferent again. Thank you to the people who pointed out that my original post referred only to "he." I was speaking from experience, as a woman, but yes, narcissists can be men or women...
Yes that was me I was the moment it was so horrible, I did everything wrong so glad to finally 2weeks of being away from him and back on my way to Better,Peace and Happiness
@@jeffreywern2875 Just because she used the word "he" does not mean that she is ignorant of the fact there are female narcissists. Also, RF, that would not necessarily mean she is not having a balanced view. She MAY have had a life experience with a male narcissist & may have just been writing her comment from an emotional moment of remembering that. Thank you
I was in a Narcissistic relationship for only 6 weeks. I thankfully had the courage and strength to leave. The hardest part is dealing with myself. The embarrassment and frustration of knowing that someone manipulated me and fed me constant lies and I fell for it. Those moments of reflection are the toughest because you don’t know where the truth stops and the lies start.
You were one of the lucky ones to get out that quick. I'd feel no need for embarrassment as they pretty much failed to manipulate you. They got a pretty brief benefit of the doubt, which we tend to give people. Then you saw it and moved on.
Same here..after just 4 Weeks i'm in Therapy and still in love with him.And still have a feeling that it was my fault and that's the part wher i can get over it.
@@i.1696 It's not your fault though. Whatever all happened, you got into a relationship and gave your heart to someone who couldn't fully give it back. It's best to heal, and not blame yourself. It's best overall to accept that the luck of the draw did not work out this time and look forward to a better future. Learn to trust yourself again, so that you'll make the right choice for yourself next time.
Happy for you.. Please ensure never ever go back to that person.. People spend years or decades dealing with them...good that you figured it out early and chose to come out..
It’s sort of sad because the narcissist was neglected as a child or suffered emotional abuse so one tries to empathize with them and feel compassion. But, their underhanded, overbearing, controlling ways just make you want to run far, far away from them. And there is no changing them.
I agree so much. I wanted to really be there for my narc husband and help fix him but it was changing me for the worst and hurting me. It's so hard to truly walk away but my life's worth is well worth it. This is a constant working process. Healing.
I feel that way to Janice. I feeling sorry for them is the only way that I was able to let go of the anger and not take their behavior personally. It helps me to disconnect. I made a video that you may be interested in called warning escaping from narcissist with children. Stay strong
I applaud you Ms Kandis for your strength.Most of us love the narcissist and we do try to help them but we can’t. It’s a personality disorder that developed in them due to certain events in their lives. It might be difficult given the fact that you have children together .
Narcissistic abuse must be more known to the people!! It's so severe yet so silenced! It can literally destroy your identity and sanity and it takes so long to get back up to your feet
It does take a long time to make sense of all the insanity. And unfortunately because of their lying and gaslighting it's so difficult to understand whose responsibility is whose, and takes the healing so confusing and prolonged
I feel like I'm at the bottom of a dark pit..after so much trauma, moving for him..now I'm isolated..have been cheated on time and time again..the disgust in myself for going back..I gave up my power..my own home..I was once supporting myself, home in a beautiful place, job, family and friends..I'm at the bottom now
The only way to take control from a narcissist is to get yourself from their domain first. You wont be able to figure out anything until and unless you are out of the hellish world. I will tell you one of my favourite stories. Once a King was too disturbed by everything that was happening around him. He felt as if no one was loyal to him and he was always afraid of his kingdom being attacked by perpetrators. He lost his sleep and his life had become hell. So he thought of taking a brief sojourn in the countryside. He passed through lush green fields and picturesque landscapes. The silent breeze that brushed through his hair filled his heart with joy. That is when he saw a farmer who was putting fence around his farmland. But his farmland had weeds all over and they hardly had any crops. This intrigued the King. He asked the farmer as to why was he putting a fence around the farm when the farm itself was covered with weeds. To this the farmer said that the farm was his own so he could get rid of the weeds whenever he liked. But he cant stop the stray dogs from running over his fields and destroying them. That is why he was putting the fence. To stop the stray dogs from venturing into the field. Once he was very assured about the security of his fields he can work on clearing the weeds and planting crops. On hearing this the King somewhat got the answer which he had been searching for. The human mind is also like the field. You cant control assholes from fiddling with your mind or saying bullshit. But you can definitely put a fence ( figuratively) so that these assholes cant influence you. And until and unless you dont put a fence you can never work on yourself. Once you have distanced yourself from toxic people then you can work on the healing process. Same is the case with narcs. Narcs are these stray dogs who suck your energy emotionally. They play mind games for fun because their mind wants melodrama. They hurt the very people who love them. So total isolation from these narcs is absolutely essential for the well being of your Mind. Once you are out of their mind games you can take decisions rationally. Narcs try to drain you emotionally. So everytime you respond to their low vibrations you tend to come to their level. But when you react confidently without panicking and without responding to their negative vibrations that is when you Win. When someone realises that you arent being influenced or being manipulated by their actions they will get tired of it. And after cutting them off completely from your lives you should work on your healing process. Work on clearing your mental clutter and keep yourself preoccupied. Read books and most importantly try to find your Purpose in life. When you find your Purpose you will be able to bear any pain in this World. Most importantly help others in need. When you find someone else who is stuck with a narc help them to get out of that. I feel this is the way to take control from a narcissist. P.S: I hardly find people around me who know about emotional abuse. But I think everyone should read and know about it. In today’s mean world you will find a lot of people who try to influence you or demoralise you using the sweetest of words. Its about identifying these covert manipulators and distancing yourself from them. I have immense respect for people who have survived narcissistic partners. They happen to be the most strongheaded and emotionally stable people you can come across. I learn a lot of things from them. Truly the broken will always be the most beautiful. Additionally, Here's a clue for anyone of you that think your spouse might be cheating, but you think they are just too clever to be caught, your feelings of being cheated on are not facts and your intuitions are bullshit unless you find out for sure. So before you bring your sickness and blame into the relationship get some fucking proof and some mental help consult a private investigator today Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose know where you stand in your relationship...
The part about viewing people as a convenience - that is exactly how I felt in my marriage. I was there to cook, clean, shop, do laundry. I felt like a roommate, not a wife. And the silent treatment that would last for days if I did something he perceived as a wrong to him, that was the worse. I could stand in front of him crying, asking why he wouldn't talk to me and he'd walk past me and go outside to smoke. After 2.5 years (2 years of it I spent in counseling), I left.
Wow you sort of wrote my story there.. only I stayed for about 18 years. My ex-husband within the first year I found out would treat perfect strangers with more respect and dignity than he did me.. and he also would not talk to me for days or weeks at a time for something that he had actually done.. unreal.
@@avoiceinthewilderness9864 why do all our stories sound identical. Its literally very hard for me to stop crying right now and you girls here are making me feel better right now which is a huge step from hyperventilating. Atleast im breathing better now thanks to this knowledge I have around me
I'm not a women noor married, but I do hope you all find piece I'n your selves and learn to eventually become self loving. even if it means that you may never do decide to get back into another relationship, I hope you can find love for other things .
The grief and regret are real, especially when you realize you've enabled the behavior and willingly drank the person's poison. Instead of death, we're left with the real diagnoses of depression, GAD, and PTSD. Feels as if I only had the ingredient list all these years, and your series has given me the name of the recipe.
I used to think the problem was the narcissist who sold the lie I spent days wondering how could they basically con me, but now I think I'm more of the problem because I bought the lie
It's interesting to me that Narcissistic personality disorder is possibly the only psychological problem that causes OTHERS to seek help! I wish this was taught at high school in health class, it is so prevalent, so relevant and SO NEEDED!
I've been in relationships with narcissists and while it is very stressful and one was hard to get through, I was over it in about a month or two. A relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder took over a year to get through. The latter is 10 times worst, I'm not kidding. It's on a whole other level than narcissistic abuse.
I've been in relationships with narcissists and while it is very stressful and one was hard to get through, I was over it in about a month or two. A relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder took over a year to get through. The latter is 10 times worse. I'm not kidding. It's on a whole other level than narcissistic abuse.
She literally transformed my life plus literally saved my life and I only watched her videos and listened... She truly is a brilliant woman with a beautiful soul who communicates explains it so well...all the different types...💗✌
Be well sweetheart! I had an abusive narcissist mother. But I am so much better as understood the root cause of issues in my life. Now I am wise, beautiful, strong, healthy, successful and happy! Love yourself and never EVER think of yourself as a victim. Blessings.
My dad has shown these narcissistic patterns throughout my life, but he's one of the best salesmen there is. When I got married the first time I pleaded with my ex-wife's family not to be charmed by him. Yet, they still gave him a chance. And it turned into a shit storm of a conflict between our two families that still has left me fucked up. The fact that narcissists make such expert charmers is by far the worst thing about them because they make you, the victim, look like the crazy person.
I’m divorcing a abusive NPD... every symptom you talk about he has. He is grandiose, a liar, turns family against me. He’s broke my nose and recently fractured two ribs. He has zero empathy , sympathy, gas lighting. Lack of compassion, lack of respect ...16 yrs of hell. I do have ptsd really bad
@@beachchick7688 Yes and they will have that attitude saying that you are the one having issues and no integrity. They commit character assassination on their prey and they frame us into someone we are not. Very painful and the only way to heal and stay close to ourselves is distance, as much as possible. Even then their words can still hunt our souls. In my experience the words from narcissists cut deeper than 'regular flaws from healthy people hurting eachother and talking it over, reflecting on both sides and trying to find mutual understanding. Impossible with a narcissist.
Change is possible you just have to face the demons head on and really want deep down to be a better person I know with NPD it’s a very tough one but those who have disruptive behaviors know it and it comes down to your core I believe are you ok with causing other people pain and misery for your own gain or are you not.
If the mother does not behave the way you want her to behave then you call her narcissist 🤪. How do you know your perfect son and doing the right things to her. Love your mother unconditionally then you won't name her negatively.
Because it's your mom. My mom is one too and it hurts because I feel like I have to cut her off. It makes me fall out with more people because they don't understand that I don't want to accept abuse. They'll say it's not. Gaslighting hurts me when I speak up or not. I look bad either way. I don't talk to my sisters and they don't talk because of her. Then they don't talk to their dad because of her. My youngest sister thinks we're all villians because she is the golden child. It's hurtful.
Is it true... Because I have anxiety disorder and I am also suffering from depression and my father is a narcissist.. I guess and he himself is victim of GAD
I teared up when she started talking about survivors of narcissistic abuse and how we can discern it, right away! And then we are criticized for not giving the narcissist a chance... and we are labeled as bad people. It feels horrible.
Yes, exactly! We recognize the red flags and get out right away to protect ourselves. Then they say we are too damaged to be in a relationship and should get treatment or stay alone. No man, we just got stronger and wiser and refuse to put time and effort into something that in the end is going to hurt as for sure! Right?
I suffered in silence! But...when I realized that my best friend was a narcissist...I believed I could save him...that I could rescue him out of whatever it was in his past that had caused him to become a narcissist. Leaving the narcissist is the best way! Recovering from narcissistic abuse is so difficult.
When u finally understand that it was never real, it kinda makes it easier to handle. Still hurts...but its a different , less personal kinda hurt... it wasnt me.... thank you!
Thank God I never thought it was me. It's shocking when you find out they didn't mean anything they said or did. The Love Bombing is so cruel. Narcissist know what they are doing. That's why they can change back and for when it suits them😔😔😔😔
I can’t agree more. For 22 years I have thought I was the crazy one. And anything that was wrong was all my fault. I’m always saying I’m sorry to everyone. He even had my sons thinking I was crazy. It took me up 3 months ago to find what I have been going through. It’s nice to have a name to what he is and what he has done to me over the past 22 years. I can’t tell you how much better I’m feeling. And just knowing it’s not me. Has helped me mentally. I wish you all the very best honey
@@nancyshiver9165 hugs Nancy. I feel the same as you do. The 22 years of mental damage he has done to me. I suffer from anxiety and I’m a shell of the person I once was. But I’m feeling so much stronger now. And I will never let him take me down ever again.
It’s so crazy that’s it’s truly an invisible type of abuse. Like so many ppl who never experienced it just don’t get it. It’s the definition of suffering in silence alone.
I am on this boat for 28 years. I started understanding it after theses videos. 100% agree, it's hard to explain abusive behaviour and only option left is to suffer in silence or have a courage to walk away. It leaves us live with trauma and invisible tears in eyes.
@Mia Li I disagree Mia! Not all narcissists victims are easily brainwashed weak ppl at all! We are usually pretty smart but quite empathic ppl who look for the good in others, that's our only fault ... Narcissists are SO cunning and manipulative they could CON anyone, infact narcs target smarter than average ppl as they like the challenge of more intelligent ppl. I think saying narc victims are easily brainwashed is quite victim blaming! Anyone can be the victim of a disordered twisted manipulative Narc!!!
Stooping to a level of a narcissist is not something I'm personally okay with. I'd much rather be polite, known my worth, and walk away with my held held high knowing that I'd never treat someone like that.
They are vindictive and over reactive in ways that are unimaginable to normal people. Hitting them with sort of high-level truths when they try to pull crap on you helps a lot, but the most effective message you can send to them is to just to cut them out of your life without explanation. It says, I see your crap and I don’t even engage with it.
"Psychological neglect and invalidation" is exactly right. Also 10:50ish: "narcissistic abuse is characterized by chronic invalidation, lack of compassion, lack of respect, lack of mutuality, a cold indifference..." I love it that Dr. Ramani says NOPE right away, and that sometimes those who've judged her for not giving chances later come to her and say you were so right. RUN at the first sign of these soul suckers! They will bleed you dry and leave you a ruined husk if you let them! 🚫🧛♂
The damage a narcissistic parent does to their children is incalculable. My mother drove me to a suicide attempt last year when I was 49 years old. Thank goodness for these self-help type videos, they give me tools to assist me in recovering and learning to accept it's not me, it's always been my mom who's an extreme narcissist.
I’m dealing with this as we speak. It’s extremely scary and exhausted. But what he doesn’t know is I’m planning an escape route right now. I’m too old and worthy of true love to sit here and deal with this any longer. I adore you. Thank you for making the decision so much easier to make. ❤️❤️
Oh god, during a pandemic too? You’re so strong and brave. I wish you good fortune and hope you can get to safety soon, if you haven’t gotten out already!
@Simone Baker - you need to find at least one person who you can really trust to help you get out of your mess and find the help you need to move on. Prayers and good vibes in your journey to escape from this situation. 🙏
I just realized recently my own mom is a covert one. She played me do good! I'm still very upset. She messed me up badly. She turned me against my own father and alienated me from everyone else. Now I am alone :( I have zero contact with my dad's family, my dad died last year and she discarded me because she didn't need me anymore. I regret having trusted her.
Literally almost killed myself because of this type of person. Dated her for 3 years. She got me horny, then used me as the cameraman to take sexy pictures to send to my replacement. The guy she told me to not worry about for 3 years. Cried myself to sleep for a year afterwards. Probably got small trauma PTSD from it.
Sun Tzu my ex fiancé was cheating on me the entire timr and married the woman he was cheating on me with one month before our wedding date. Me abs my family were devastated and let’s not even begin with the embarrassment and other kinds of losses. He used me like that too. I was taking pictures for him, buying things and visiting shops for “window shopping” only to find out he was using me to get things for her later on. I never got an apology nor did my family. My mother and I went into depression and I’m an orphan.
From ages 4-18 my mother was always difficult. Dr Romani saved me. That’s not even me being dramatic wow I’m crying writing this. It’s intense because she’s given me the gift of discernment. And now I see everyone clearly and she set me free. I’m 18 now. Moved out on my own and for the first time in my life I’m free. She gave me my freedom. Bless this woman you have no idea the impact on my life she’s done.
If I was a narcissistic Dr. Ramani and wanted to plant a subliminal ad of myself as a therapist in the RU-vid comments section this is how I'd do it. Only more subtly D:
why you messing with our girl. She’s done nothing but save millions of people from difficult personalities. LIKE WHY ARE YOU TRYING. YOUR REACHING FOR A NARRATIVE THAT DOESNT EVEN EXIST. stop this madness I’m crying. Get a life.
So do i 🙌🏽...i dumped them maximum 4 mth..the other 1.5 mth...i have 2 bad time with narc men..now just being calling at phone i can smell them easyly.. Alert..to much talk..never ask how are you back..love bomb in begining..and compliment they self to much..( edit grammer 😬)
@@bellabwz ....too much talk ! I had to laugh bec my mind went back to a voicemail I received ten years ago: It was a guy I told off a few years earlier for bailing on a concert without explanation, after he agreed to go with me weeks before ! Calls me out of the blue one day---talked nonstop for two to three minutes, just BLATHERING....until my VM cut him off. What a self-absorbed douchebag he was. Explains a whole lot about his never marrying and having so many lifelong gf problems.
Sadly with victims, most don't speak out about it and seek help. In the long run they usually develope mental issues themselves from living in the narcissist's fantasy land for an extended period of time.
@@Ilikeitwhenbassgobrrrrr I really really hope you find that place where you can achieve the peace you deserve. I wish you the absolute best, I'll be rooting for you and your happiness, I'm 100% sure that others agree and will be rooting for you as well 🧡
I have been abused by narcissist my entire life. Family, ex husband, ex boy friends, friends. I have PTSD and I never understood what I was involved in until I watched your videos. I would rather be by myself rather than with a narcissistic abuser. Thank you so much for your videos… I am in such appreciation.
I been abused by family members dad I don't come home today recover meanth health I feel shit how copy him we stuion we had sepreted from him abused toward mom they finally got divorce good need secretion restraint order 😢 against my dad told live somewhere else none likes him respects him especially community live
Me too.so many narcs have targeted me . My mother and some of my clients are the ones I can't get rid of now.59 before I understood what was being done to me, too late , my career destroyed by narc boss, stuck with my mother because if my financial position, she sabotaged my every chance for happiness success or even hope . And would not even let me die when I couldn't take it anymore . So evil.
When I met my wife she was the sweetest and kindest person. I found it a little odd she wasn’t affectionate more often but I assumed it was her shyness. Everything changed after marriage. Actually red flags went up the night we got engaged. A silly argument became something that I saw a different side of her. We slept on different ends of the bed that night. She fell right to sleep. I didn’t. She woke up the next day like nothing happened. Our disagreements always then became where she would raise her voice and storm off. Slam doors and she’d give me the silent treatment. I’d never experienced this before. Never a talk to end things on a good note. Never ever an apology. It made my head spin. How can a person think was was normal? I thought I could share my innermost thoughts about family issues with her. Then if an argument popped up she’d drag out things I told her. She’d say her problems with me are verified by my family issues which somehow she said I caused or was responsible for. Huh? Yet that had nothing to do with our disagreement. I’d get mad and feel betrayed. She’d shrug it off and never say a word. Days later if I mentioned it her only response would be how maybe she hadn’t been “nice” or “things might have went too far.” Never an apology. Our arguments were always based upon things she felt I hadn’t done and all I could do was defend myself. I never argued with her. Why? I couldn’t be upset or angry or I’d be told that I’m acting crazy and this is why I don’t get along with my family. Huh? I kept thinking she could be civil or at least try and work things out. If it wasn’t for our son I’d have been gone long ago. We didn’t have sex for almost 3 years before I finally filed for divorce. I’m going through it now and I only pray for peace and a civil relationship for my sons sake.
@@martinidemon that sounds a lot like my situation... now I question myself and wonder if I am a narcissist, I’ve felt like I could never live up to my dads expectations and now it’s my wife’s expectations I feel I’m failing in.. I’ve been cheated on multiple times, and every argument she says she can’t take it anymore and is leaving, the latest is she says she will file the divorce papers at her work(account at big law firm) then a while later she acts like nothing ever happened. It’s very rare I get a thank you and even less rare for an apology.. I’m confused and now 55 yrs old, I said I wouldn’t leave because of our 4kids but they’re grown up now. She makes the big money and our state basically drove me out of my self employment due to regulations and taxes etc, now I look back she basically said at the time I’m more valuable at home.. I question everything
@@rickparshall damn… I’m sorry for your situation. I guess we both need to hope for the best and leave behind the toxicity we have almost grown accustomed to live with. Anything is better than what I’m dealing with. Hopefully we both gain our freedom and sanity back. I’ll pray for us both.
tricky if you're pimpled 20 yo piece of crap with a low self-esteem. learn loving yourself, woman. narcissists are the most obvious thing to recognize ever. just freaking take a look around, they're everywhere, they're ruling big companies, they're manipulating stock markets, trying to control media and adore being on the front pages of mass media. the only hard things to realize is that they're not as rare occasion as most of us expected them to be. but once you're over with that hindering thought you're starting to realize that the pattern is everywhere and has contaminated our societies like a freaking parasite especially in the past 20 years.
I feel I spent many years changing, morphing, hating, foregoing myself and my needs to please the narc instead of trying to change him. I feel as though I was brainwashed into believing he was better than me and I was lucky to have him and deserved what crumbs he gave me. I took on his pain, took blame for his misbehavior, mistakes, faults,etc. I see now how coerced and brainwashed I was. It really was hurtful, abusive and dehumanizing. I feel compassion for the person I was. I really lost me for a long while. I realize now, I am and always was a good person and never deserved it. I actually feel I am even more genuinely and sincerely me than I ever was.
You described me to a T. I almost took my own life because I fell in the hole so deeply I completely lost myself... Even in your healing it still haunts you and maybe scars you for life. It takes a really strong person to recognize that it IS abuse and we do NOT deserve it, Learn steps to get out and recover. God bless 🙏
Especially when you get that Text/DM from a random stranger, thinking they want a "Friendship." But they come in too hot and you try to convince him. All they do is shun it off and think either you're "funny" or a hypocrite when you really are not...
I’ve been married to a narcissist for 31 years and I can tell you that the depth of abuse goes so deep. It cuts into your soul like nothing else. I am now aware of what has happened to me and I’m in the process of getting out. I’m done with this soulless creature. I can’t wait to get out but I’ve so many loose ends to take care so my life doesn’t get worse if I make the wrong decisions in getting out. Im just so exhausted from his petty crap, his dismissiveness, his control. I could go on and on and on. If you are around this type of person you need to get away from them fast , before they destroy you.
Leslie Case Like you, it’s been almost 31 yrs for me too. And I am at the same point as you. Wish you the best for your exit. And that you can built your like again, in peace and happiness.
I'm sorry, and I'm with you on that...... I've spent 9 years double guessing myself, why am I allowing him to do this, what have I done. I'm actually writing a book on this. It'd toxic and worthless. No one believes me, the chuch his mom, his family. ...... no one. I second guess all this..... he calls me a man, no I'm no way near being a man..... but name calling makes him feel good. All the hurt and pain he has done to me, he disrespect me at every level. He never admit it. Never!!
Being with my ex narc for the past 10 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
"I don't have a problem, you have the problem" wow hearing her say that hit me hard because my ex would often say that to me and I became so unsure of myself.
@@leahacevedo450 they will just become friends and find another target to torment together. It's very likely that one of them will become the grandiose narcissist and the other, a vulnerable narcissist, the vulnerable one will look to the grandiose one for affirmation, energy and direction. The grandiose one will look to the vulnerable for his ego supply. They will be happiest when they get to work together to attack another person.. even if it was their own child.
I just woke up from 3 years of narcissistic abuse, I've found out so many shocking things and three years of my life have been a lie. Still shaking and being sick. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Oh I wish I had seen this before I had two kids by this devil and stayed married to him for 18 years - even my therapist was so repulsed that she told me to leave him
If you knew my story you would. Be speechless just like me. Narcissism is one reality I don't want to be in not even if I'm just a filler. Sadly it's my past. Present and if it goes her way my future
Healthy people can be there for you emotionally 24/7 if you need it. (No person does, but you get the picture) A narcissist will give you attention for a little while like a cup and after 10 minutes say "okay, I'm tired of you. You are bothering me, leave me alone." It's all about intimacy I find. A healthy person can and doesn't mind going through the storm with you because it is YOU. There isn't another you. And so they will hold your hand and go all the way until you both walk out of the other side feeling 100% better. And then later when they need it, you will do the same for them. A narcissist on the other hand will look at the coming storm, complain about it, drag their feet into it and say "the wind is too strong, I can't deal with this right now", and walk back out and walk away. It is real tough love vs. convenience. Commitment, trust, honesty, responsibility, and kindness= real love. A short easy way to start figuring out if you are a narcissist is this: 1.) When someone says "no" to you, do you listen to them? Do you respect their personal/moral boundaries? (Do you respect their wishes and do as they ask?) 2.) Do you commit to the people in your life? When they ask for help or when they need you do you say "yes" and drop everything for them, even when you may not want to be? Do you keep your promises? 3.) Do you avoid intimacy on a deep emotional level? Do you avoid hugs unless it is necessary or unless you feel like it?
I have a sister that is a narcissist- I only just realized that this is why she has verbally attacked me over the years, etc. She fits the description on so many levels! I am distancing! Thank you Dr. Ramani!!
This is soo good and I agree so much about the "can't unsee the patterns once you've seen it", it's really hard to make people understand what it's like unless they've experienced it themselves, especially abuse from the covert kind.
God help you if the covert is a sweet, subtle, and good looking man. No one will believe you. Some people don’t even see the most overt kind of narcissists...
As a daughter of a covert narcissist with a 5 year PFA on my father, and he violated it 4 times; watching my mother being abused by him for 12 years was miserable and heartbreaking; she's still healing and and struggling and its been like 8 years; since they split; they were married 25 years.
You’re right too a point. But why should we be without human love and natural attention because of others insanity, but I do like being introverted and sometimes happy 😃
The saddest part narcissism for me is that growing up, I was always taught that the good guys win and the bad guys lose... but in the workplace, The Narcissist always seems to win... But in life they lose. It's that thought that brings me solace
@Mia Li they lose because they hate themselves and always will. And they're absolutely miserable inside. They tell Grand stories about themselves because they're trying to make people think that they're more than what they truly feel that they are
Their Chameleon they will be whatever they need to be at that time, the very thing they agree with one person they will disagree with the other, their liars and they can't help it to save their own life
They loose because they are alone they can't be truly their self the person that is loved lied to get that love their never their true self until their hurting you and in my case my I got hurt alot
Narcissistic love = the grape juice of wine Personally, I think informing people that narcissists (no matter who they are) can only have transactional relationships is the most honest information people can have.
I believe that narcissism is so prevalent in today’s society because more and more young adults are raised via internet/online validations that don’t transfer into real world experiences. A hunger for attention/validation becomes all-consuming.
I think its far too easy to scapegoat the internet for our problems. If anything, the newer generation who have been raised on social media are more self aware and understanding than any group before them. To me, peak narcissism was bred in the rigid patriarchal society that we experienced in america through the 20th century. Now, we are starting to recover, and that wouldn't be possible without the internet to foster conversations and provide videos like these.
@@Nomin130 I wanted to say something (and I think I'm well qualified as someone who was raised and abused by narcissists, mostly born in the 50s. Them, not me) but this comment says it all. Thank you.
Simon Sinek did an excellent video about the impact of the internet on millennials that I believe can be applied to any generation with absentee parenting.
This is so true I knew I was dealing with something but it wasn't until I learned about narcissism that I understood what I was dealing with with in my relationship with my husband. I thought I was going crazy for the last 21 years I've been married. I have been on tons of Anti-depressants and none of them worked. I know now, it's because I wasn't depressed, I was just married to a narcissist.
Same here shortly before leaving I got on antidepressants and they didn’t do anything but numb me to reality and deluded me making me think that everything was ok and the relationship could work. Now I’m off of them
I am in the same boat!! I didn’t know anything about narcissism until after the divorce word was said and watch every narcissist video on RU-vid! It is him!!! I wish i too could’ve known as i wanted to leave but was too scared, lazy or maybe still in love with him and needed his validation. I look back at it now and i felt pathetic. Why did i allow him to treat me the way he did! He definitely trained me
I’ve been diagnosed with different sh and it’s really tortured woman syndrome - PTSD and maybe they don’t teach this in therapy school - it’s really a shame
I empathized with what my abuser went through growing up and I stayed for over a year, deluding myself in believing if I sat by his side for long enough he would realize he was worthy of real love. He didn’t begin to get help for his anger issues until after I left. Sometimes we need to be the change by removing ourselves.
O am not only the victem of a narcissist . These thieves and criminals without any ethics ? principles and bounderies would like me to believe that. Why does someone steal , because he knows he is a loser Meaning not able to win if they would follow the rules . Their ego is too big to admit it . Sad for them.
So narcissist can’t change at all? I want to find out how one can change. I am confused if I am a narcissist or what I am. I get angry and depressed when there’s any type of disruption, failure, inconveniences. It took a while to realize that I raise my voice when I get angry. I used to call names, now that has mellow down a lot. I know how much I have verbally hurt the other person and I want to change, but change sounds like being a doormat and enabler to their problems too. For example my husband enables his family a lot. It affected our finances, but he’s unwilling to manage our finances and neither of us trust him because he is a big giver. It took a decade for us to be in a stable financial state for us to split our income to cover essentials and extra for ourselves. But the problem is that when things go south I don’t know how to handle the situation. It takes a lot to center myself to let it go or find a solution. I dislike it when I feel like I have to force someone to understand me and my situation. I learned to let the other person make their choices. However I still don’t like the thought of cleaning up their mess when they messed up. How do I not feel guilty or obligated to help them? I found out that I like to be the hero of peoples story, but now I don’t want to be but feel like an ass when I don’t help. See my dilemma. Please help.
I know it does becuz thats the effects of what any abuse does it chips away at you and you feel broken inside but all the while its like things like this is down played by others who only see the nice side of the abuser and thats what the abuser wants the outside to see and to believe perfect example Joan crawford and both Christina and her brother went through hell with that woman and sadly every1 else saw what joan wanted them to see and they believed it while those two precious children was not only emotionally and verbally so abused they got physically abused as well. so that should say a lot . abuse in any form is not a sickness abuse is abuse. and if any1 is in a relationship any relationship that they sense is toxic my advice is dont try to fix it becuz they do know what their doing . so for your emotional physical well being just get out and turn the page becuz no1 deserves to be abused in any form esp, children . much love to all here.
Hi dr. Ramani thank you for all your videos! I left my 31 year old marriage a week ago. I found out he cheated on me and I left the house the same day, I feel so liberated from his emotional abuse. I am 53, I had to real understand what it was and everything that you have mentioned is 100 % accurate! He was addicted to bondage sex porn, steroids, working out constantly, folllowing crazy diets! He hooked up with someone to do bdsm and I’m laughing now as how he boasted about it. It first I was torn but now I see his manipulative ways, arrogance, lack of empathy, etc I have my self worth, left with dignity and I feel so strong, I am told that I’m an empath, what a gift. I looking forward to my new beautiful journey ahead, day 9 and already feel that you have helped me so much, thank you if you’re reading this, I have come a long way, you are amazing!
I just love to see how the dog is asleep so calm and in peace during the whole interview😊 even the dog sense that all we need is to be freed and heal from narcissism
@@vincentxin8859 create a few goals such as a new project or hobby. Don't tell your parents about them. Tell only one or two people, not everyone, those that will support you. And work towards the goals even if its 20 mins a day. This will take your mind of those impacting on you negatively and you'll have something to work towards. It's all about changing your focus and rebuilding positivity around you, away from the negatives.
They try to drag you down to their own inner state. Unfortunately for them, many victims might be distracted, sidetracked, and traumatized, but don't really get fully converted. The targets still have this jewel known as personhood.
@@tasyt1994 Yes, positive distractions are incredibly important. Great insight. I want to add that watching a lot of empowering videos and listening to empowered people can be very helpful as well.
One of the hardest relationships with a narcissist is having a father who is one but was never diagnosed as one. And now, my father is almost 80 and has caused significant damage to my mom, sister and myself.
Sorry Maritza hope you're life has gotten better with time. Hope your family is better too. Just be there to say good bye and bury him and forgive him. Be there when he dies and while he's alive try to forgive him. He's 80 and only getting closer to death. If you carry that anger it'll grow like cancer. Best to forgive him and not repeat the cycle.
I feel u autumn . Exactly wat am going thro at home with our father now. Mom sis and I! He is 72 and bed ridden . But getting worse with his narcissistic abuse !
I gotta tell u guys it sure is nice to hear folks finally say it was their dad who is the narcissist...my dad just died and the first thought in my mind when I heard the news was "its finally over" and I have struggled with thinkn that...you kno bcuz he was my dad...but definitely agree I'm starting to heal after a couple of months about everything and I'm starting to feel a tremendous weight lift from me as well...it's almost like a dark entity is being excercised from me🤣...crazy right!?
In answer to 12:11. Love is.... “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).
@@krest2012 No that's NOT IT. Love DOES NOT conquer all. This type of thinking keeps people traped in these toxic relationships thinking their "Love" will make it better. People need to accept that these people DO NOT CHANGE, and if any "changes" are made its incremental and takes alot of effort and long time. "Love never fails" in means...."You will love yourself enough to leave and find a healither relationship".
but you shouldnt physically speaking that is, you shouldnt have to feel as though you have to put up with abuse in anyform. becuz physical abuse leaves only temporary scars but emotional abuse verbal abuse its so much more dangerous becuz it leaves permanent scars .
@@queenofthecrossroads2613 I agree that we shouldn't remain in abusive situations. I myself have had to separate from narc family members. Lots of Christians will say things like "just love them" and "forgive". However, that doesn't mean to remain in the toxic situation. We can forgive and not hold onto bitterness and resentment but also separate from others. At the same time we shouldn't let the abuse define our own character. Making us vengeful and seeking revenge or wishing ill on anyone. Even if someone else wants to live wickedly, let your light shine. The word "love" actually has a meaning. Today it seems to just mean accepting everything, but that isn't love. Love is truthful. Sometimes the world may call us unloving just because we speak the truth and it gets perceived as "hate". Just agreeing with everyone to be accepted is not loving. Truth and love go hand in hand.
@@2ndBirth Thank you for your comments. My response was more on the concept “Love never fails”. I’m not a Christian so I’m just trying to understand. Many marriages end in divorce, and love has failed many people and let even more down. So what exactly does this mean “Love never fails?”
THANK YOU for bringing up enabling!!! I spent 11 years with my narcissist (off and on). His mother always saw me as the cause of his problems because she and everyone else were told, by him, that I was crazy. Let's get to the down and dirty truth. She believed him and continually coddled him because she felt guilty for being an absent mother.
I never suffered in silence. I always brought it up, the verbal abuse, physical abuse & the mental abuse, because I would never accept it. I am a very strong empath. For many years I didn't know what I was dealing with but every time I did say something, I was accused of complaining & being irritating. Everything I did or said irritated him. But when his best friend's girlfriend was sooooo super nice, he fell for her, hook line & sinker. I didn't know for 11 months of their (secret) "only good friends" friendship. Then I saw the MANY naked photos she sent him, then I saw their messages. I told him our marriage is over & since then, he has been SUPER nice. He now calls me several times a day from work & told me I was his backbone, a keeper. I told him I hope she was worth it & he said, no, she wasn't. I am at my next move to divorce him & it is going to hurt him like nothing else. Too bad.
@@nbabasketball7965 He wasn't abusive for the first few years, then we moved to his country, Denmark, then got married 3 years later & about a year after we got married, he started being abusive, verbally & physically. The verbal was nearly every day & the physical was every so often when he got really angry. He pushed me over several times, slammed a door on my face, grabbed my clothes so they ripped holes in them, threw things at me & at the same time calling me names. I always answered back but that just made things worse. He always denied doing all the things he did to me over the years except the cheating because I had proof. I was stuck in a foreign country without a current passport so I had to put up with it all until I could get one which I finally have now.
It won’t hurt him. Narcs don’t feel emotional pain. What will enrage him is his loss of control over you. Please look out for yourself and leave him in your dust!
Also a narcissist may be lovely to you when it is just the 2 of you but as soon as there is a 3rd person, they turn on you in an instant, bullying you in front of others, and they start saying embarrassing things about you to the others, as they now have an "audience", or dismissing your opinions by saying "Shut up" just so they can look big in front of the 3rd person or more people.
Yes an old friend didn't like me having decent conversations with his wife that didn't involve him or wasn't about him. He would tell his wife shut up abruptly and show puppy eyes cause he wasn't center of attention.
Or simply being completely different when there are other sources of attention and being inappropriate??? Please tell me if I'm on the right track thnx
OMG, thank you for saying this! I thought I was the only one who had a narcissistic best friend. She's been in my life for about 20 years off and on (mostly off because she would go on hateful, horrible tirades, and I'd step away for a few years.) She's been like my kryptonite and I don't understand why; I mean, she's only a friend, right? Recently my husband of 28 years died and she contacted me, saying that she'd been through therapy for the past few years and finally understood what she did to me and was so sorry. Then, she told me about her tale of financial woe and I ended up lending her $14,000 dollars. When I contacted her about repayment, she immediately turned hateful again. I've only been repaid $50 in 5 months. I think that she knew exactly what she was doing and I could absolutely kick myself for falling for it. Never, ever, ever again.
I want everyone to hear this woman's advice, especially women. Women seem to almost prefer narcissists and psychopaths because of their flashy/charming personalities, and they can't see the disorder. I wish all women/people would have education in this stuff from a young age.
Inexperienced and it's so hard when you dont realize what the chaos is. Thinking it will resolve. Not anymore, just wish I'd known all my life, but some have an abusive narc parent from birth and are groomed to take insanity as our job to fix. Not right, but real.
Narcissists come in the form of parents , friends and teachers too. Don't forget that please. But agree, there must more light shone on this topic to give people a clear understanding.
@@usermc1234 this is true. My comment was narrowly focused from what I've seen most often in my experiences but I added the "/people" because you are right. You can encounter them anywhere and if you can't see the red flags it can be very confusing and you can get burned. Good information for everyone.
“This person rubs me the wrong way” is a real understatement dealing w/ a narcissist. I lived it for 10 years. I got diseases from his cheating, all the time I’m hearing how much he loves me. I’m being told I’m over reacting to being publicly disrespected. All the while everyone is being charmed by him. I had one person who called me and told me she knew I wasn’t crazy. He’d told others I was. This was hell!
This is such a great help. I was devastated in my relationship! I would go o bed saying I hate my life, I hate my wife! I was so confused! I had all this anxiety and my ex didn't care. I started therapy, and my therapist said that I'm in a abusive relationship.
Never ever question yourself espacially if your heart and gut tells you the same thing. Narcissist abuse will damage us unless we let go of these diabolical monsters. There are billions of loving people in this world now go find someone who will really love you and be kind and gentle.
I love listening to this woman. She has such a soothing effect on me. I guess it's a combination of being super smart and so free of pretense and condescension. Sincerity. She's so cool. And she's beautiful. But that is not the first thing on her list. Great therapist.
This is so heartbreaking. There really is no describing it unless you have lived it. People with NPD eviscerate their partners and appear oblivious to the damage they elicit. It just doesn't seem human.
Hey guys, going through a break up with a Narcissist is tough. Not only is it very painful because they devalue you but even when you’re healing they can try and get your attention. They HATE to be ignored so if you go no contact be prepared to face hell and just be safe. Don’t react to anything they say or do, be silent and ignore them. If you have to respond be very dry and stick to the point. Also remember that you will get through this and just focus on yourself. If you have abandonment issues it’s extremely hard, especially if this person left you but you need to reintroduce yourself to yourself and do things you want to do. Ask yourself questions everyday. “What do I want to do today?” And actually do it without hesitation. Spend time with family and friends that really care about you and are genuine, authentic people. Whatever you do don’t get back with the narcissist. Your new life awaits if you can get through this.
I’m 61 , my mother is 82. She has abused me all of my life. I begged her to go to therapy 30 yrs ago, she refused. She has alienated me from my daughters , my stepfather (he died last xmas, she said she texted me,,, oh u didn’t get it I guess) I hate her so much. I feel like she is a malignant tumor choking the life out of me. She lies and then gets so violent if I call her out on it, she said recently “everybody lies”… excuse me? You have a man in the house and took a gift I gave for my stepdad that I loved dearly and slammed the door in my face, later told me my stepdad had died 5 months earlier. My head spins , I have PTSD, anxiety, depression…I started pulling hair, eyelashes at 7, I overdosed on her mellaril when I was 16..,the best years of my life was when I didn’t have any contact with her. After Katrina she wormed her way back in and I’m the one she destroys with her lies, her cons, her isolating the family with each other. Oh I can’t even explain the crazy shush she has done but if I try to talk to my aunt or daughters they don’t get it bc she picks one person to hate, one person to be the chosen. Me, my youngest daughter, my stepdad… we were not the chosen ones. I honestly think she overdosed my dad and my stepdad so in her sadistic mind she can say her favorite quote “you meant it bad for me but I’ll show you , I will have the last laugh”..,my dad cheated on her instead of leaving her. Sorry, just worn out from her intense smothering me for a week then losing it when I keep her at arms length. I’m moving in January just to get the hell away from her. She violates physical boundaries and emotional ones on the regular but she would never go in my brothers house and steal items from him. I have told her my dog goes outside whenever he wants to so don’t come over(she steals anything)then yell at him when he barks/charges …it’s his house, his yard. She lives 7 miles from me and my brother moved 5 houses down to make sure he has his foot in the door.
I loved my narc HARD. Stayed for years and years by repeatedly telling myself he was a good person with the capability for growth. I finally understand the pattern she speaks of in this video, the whole pushing the boulder up the hill. I realize now that he couldn't ever see any problem with his damaging, hurtful behavior because his own moral compass was so low. That is of course unless the same behavior was turned around and done to him....then all of a sudden he's able to recognize an issue. Coming to the realization that I had been manipulated all those years is jarring to say the very least. I feel like I may be in therapy for years and years just to heal from the psychological damage.
Transactional - I bought you this, I did this for you, and then a long list is reeled off of things they have done for you. You’re left standing there because you have never itemised/listed the things you have done for them which came from true honesty, caring and compassionate lengths to gain respect and trust. Narcissist will tell you they love you right before they want something from you usually sex.
@@lamentate07 narcissists use trauma bonding techniques. When a narcissist can no longer control you. They’ll control how others see you. Breaking down your friends and family circles so they have you right where they want you. ALONE with no support.
I think people who've personally gone through Narcissistic abuse develop the ability to sort people into groups: Toxic, Narcissistic, Negative, and Bully. I've known three true narcissists in my life, many more toxic and negative people, and four bullies. I've had no problem cutting off toxic, negative or narcissistic relationships, going no contact, reporting situations at work, gray-rocking or reinforcing boundaries as the circumstance calls for, but bullies are completely different. I just imagine them as little, nagging children, no matter their age, and simply treat them as though they're invisible. They taunt me, mock me and make immature comments, but when it's done in front of others, and the person being ridiculed isn't reacting, it makes the bully out to seem crazy, which is better than confronting them in a way, because they're causing that impression themselves.
Love Dr. Ramani 12:45 is the best analogy I've heard thus far. I was literally that cup for over 10 years on and off. The most traumatizing and maddening experience to be treated this way. Sipping grape juice for sure.
Thank you so much. For the first time in my life I understand what is happening to me. It is scary, overwhelming, sad and freezing. Now I began to research myself to get help, to build my defence. Thank you. 🤗
My mother has led a smear campaign against me for 15 years. I have seven siblings and none of them speak to me they all believe her. You have helped me so much. This is powerful information for me. Helping me to detach. I wish that I could visit with you because it's so painful but I will continue to listen to your pods everyday
I’m so sorry you have to deal with that much hurt. My mother also was very damaging, and also waged war against me within my sibling relationships. I am 62 and just starting to sort this out. Yet my siblings think Im the crazy one.. this is so incredibly confusing and so so hard. My heart goes to you. I do know your pain. Best of luck in your future.. you can do this. I have to believe that for myself.
I love your analogy about the cup. It’s spot on! And, that’s exactly how it was with my narcissistic ex. He only wanted to use me for whatever he could get out of the relationship. The very instant I was of no use to him, or if I called him out on his behavior, he would discard me like I was some inanimate object. We’re human beings. We all deserve better than that
Can you tell me more about your ex? I'm struggling with a relationship right now and while I'm fairly certain he's a narcissist and something is "off" with him, I feel like I'm constantly questioning myself. - he hates my dog. He told me yesterday that he takes priority over the dog after he stopped me from walking him because he wanted me to stand outside and look at the moon with him. It could have waited 5 min. -he is constantly telling me what it is HE thinks is right for me and for the house and for the dog and just about everything. -i waited in the living room for two hours waiting for him to watch a show with me and when I told him "I thought we were gonna watch the show" he says well he had more important things to do. He was standing outside for an hour on his phone doing nothing. -he makes a lot of remarks about types of people and their worth. How he won't bother interacting with certain individuals because nothing fruitful will come from that relationship. Etc. Anyway. I'm just curious to know what your experience is. Thanks stranger.
@@levity90 Narcissism is on a spectrum, so one narcissist may not act exactly the same way as another. One thing narcissists love to do is invalidate people in order to make themselves feel and look better. My ex would call other people derogatory names as we were driving past them and he would say that he would shoot them if he wasn’t worried about going to prison. He was more than willing to criticize other people, yet he would never acknowledge his own inadequacies. I would recommend looking it up online or watching more RU-vid videos. That’s the way I got most of my information about narcissists.
Unfortunately it took me 13 years to see him for what he really is. I do feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my life. Thank you so much for giving us this very important info.
I'm in a relationship with a narcissist... 13 years.... Im in counseling and I'm moving forward with leaving him... unfortunately we also own a business together.... I know getting myself out of this is going to be the biggest fight of my life.... but I have too....
Thank you. I attract narcissists and have honestly tried to help them. While keeping my distance, mind you! At about age 40, I began to feel wonderful, strong and confident in my own skin. So, the narcs hate me. Love me. Then, hate me again. Stalkers. Their behavior is so predictable. And they are all miserable people. I want no part of that. Find your peace and move forward. I am so fortunate to have a wonderful husband who listens and understands. Love is sweet.
Lucky you to have someone close while you have awakened to your warrior woman discernment. My lurcher is the best soul to share my bed with & am experiencing the same awakening at the same age (39 a fortnight ago) - I moved away from a long smear campaign/ long discard from a bunch of them. My new place I ve quickly been analysed by a communal, grandiose even- v entitled old man across the road. Walked into my new home 3 times & I ve ended up physically pushing him out while he refused and said he would leave when I discussed what he had done wrong. Silly nonsense but the point being is they ARE everywhere as it’s a spiritual battle we are all in. I’m not quite the religious commenter nor do I attend church even if I wanted to (dog)- the gnostic slant on faith is right up my street. David Paulides and Bill Donahue took my content seeking into new hobbies but I’m Bk again as I I always will to stay sharp and validate these experiences. Love and greetings sister 🧡🥰
I’ve had that same amazing 40 year old awakening! I just feel so sexy, confident, established, capable, fulfilled, and solid in my identity. Can’t be bothered with anyone who is so insecure that I need to dim my light for them. No thanks, life is too short and too enjoyable, and the world is too abundant to waste a moment on that
One of the most frustrating things I’ve experienced is when a narcissist says or does something very hurtful and damaging to you, it’s brought up at some point later and they say they never did or said it. Time and time again, they deny it till they’re blue in the face rather than admit it. This is what I experienced with this certain person in my life. Ultimately, there’s never any accountability. And if anyone is unfortunate enough to be brought into the mess they’re just as confused as the other person hurt by the narcissist. Only when you learn this is a tactic the narcissist often uses, do you realize you’re not going mad. Indeed, it actually happened or was said… any accountability on the narcissist part… forget about that ever happening.
My birthday is Dec 26 Never a party never a friend and unfortunately no mentors along the way here. I received only a tee shirt once for my birthday. I was first born and she burns me that I ripped her vagina. My fault into this f up world at the start.
Disengaged from a belittling marriage over 10 years ago. I didn’t want to deprive our kids of contact with their other parent, but the years since have been spent listening & trying to help our kids understand and cope with the same bad behavior, anxiety and self-doubt. It’s hardest for these teens who have grown up subjected to this & are now recognizing the pattern. I wish I had scooped them up and run.
Finally getting out after 7 years of dealing with this. I never knew what this truly was until earlier this year when I decided that enough is enough. Felt like I was going crazy and losing who I was..... Walking through a divorce with a narc is extremely hard. It's going to take some time to recover emotionally and mentally but it's not impossible. That is what keeps me going forward.
