I found taking shame out of it to help the individual realize they are overcompensating at their own expense, causing distress or even worse, over compensating at OTHERS expense, which hurts people. Perhaps refer to the individual as needing to recover from narcissistic abuse in thier childhood. Appeal to thier ego. We are supposed to build people up, but how can one do that when they constantly feel not-good-enough. They have to genuinely learn over time, that they are enough. Finding the deepest levels of inner dialogue in childhood damage helps too. Mine reinforced on a daily basis my ENTIRE life that I will never be enough, even when I did something flawless. They could always find a reason to complain. This lead to an inner critic that made me see the bad in everything, a kind of black thinking. That also made me depressed and anxious, and I know it hurt people when I was younger and less evolved. I had to learn how to build people up too, and that starts with being able to slow down and tell oneself, it is enough. You're life will have so much more meaning and joy once this shift happens. I hate how they use a deragorty and unforgivable term to describe a spectral trait. It's embarrassing. In closing, I'd like you all to know, you are enough. Don't ever forget this. 😊
This was a really interesting video, especially the 3rd point about whether narcissists can change. I was wondering, if you have the time to answer, what would be an adaptive strategy to use if a person feels their partner might be wanting to cheat, perhaps because they have been flirting with others in front of their partner? Also what would be an adaptive way to deal with feeling worthless when faced with people who are more successful professionally rather than simply running away? Is there a resource listing adaptive strategies? Also in both of these scenarios how does one discern whether the problem is the recipient's maladaptive reaction or whether the other person is deliberately trying to belittle or manipulate the person? It could be both people who are behaving narcissistically right? Thank you for your insight.
It's great to hear that you found the video interesting and thought-provoking. These are definitely complex situations that many people may face in their relationships or professional lives.
Thank you for your videos! Thank you for bringing light to this subject. I grew up with a narcissistic mother and it's difficult for me to put into words what it's actually like interacting with them. I appreciate you bringing clarity to something I've dealt with most of my life!
I’m afraid I might have covert narcissistic traits… hearing that is curable gives me hope, I hate feeling like a victim. Is there an official test I can do to see my score level of narcissism?
ThankU! Always need mentoring on this subject! Many years ago I expressed to my therapist my horrific worry that I am narcissist. He wasn't too enthused. But he went on to describe that there is a healthy narcissism, often termed self esteem or self respect. Hmm, interesting & subtle. Turned out I'm neuro-diverse, shadow autism
I am still to see one single person diagnosed with NPD which maintains adaptive behaviour through time. I have NPD, always something happens, and you cannot take it anymore, and you are in square one. I think false hopes are damaging, I've been there. There is room for improving, but nothing amazing.
Bpd and npd have very similar symptoms...it's pretty confusing. I got bpd, accorded to several diagnosis, but the two disorders are too very similar to me, to not think I am probably npd in fact? What are the fundamental differences between npd and bpd that uses psychiatrists to help their diagnosis? My relationships with he others, myself, are so chaotic, I feel I'll never manage to create sane links with anyone. Does npd tend to isolate themselves a lot too?
NPD and BPD are actually very different. The biggest difference is self-blame. Those with BPD are more likely to blame themselves for everything before they even have proof, and people with NPD are more likely to believe they are the victim and they are the last to be at fault. I don't believe isolation is as much as an issue in NPD than it is in BPD.
I grew up with a Narc Mom and a older Sister that followed Her Model and become a 2nd Narc Mom...add a Aloof Dad that did nothing to help...Is it common for a older sibling to follow that Model?if so why?Many thanks
this happened to me. too, except the older sibling was a brother. i'm not a medical professional, but i think it's due to being the family scapegoat. it really hurts. i wish you strength in your healing journey.
I'm not the oldest sibling (the youngest), my big sister started out as the golden child, then became the scape goat. I started out as the lost child, and then became the golden one. She was parentified, both of us was used as therapists for our mother, when we where golden. Off the two of us, I'm the most narcissistic and have in some ways followed in our mothers foot steps, taken on hers worldview and self-concept.
From maladaptive to adaptive. Thank you. Bipolar myself - Alice Miller’s study on its etiology mirrors so much of this. How do you see these personality disorders, and somatic disorders such as bipolarity, relate? Because they seem to be different maladaptive patterns, cognitively or even somatically integrated - for instance borderline personality disorder versus bipolar disorder. Could you expand on this?
So this is where I allways get caught up and confused with narssasisum.... expecully as you describe it with traits being on the spectrum..... I had to do domestic violence work and my therapist had to run a narssasistic spectrum test .... i dident fall in thr spectrum though I do have traits do to my bpd ..... and in my past my petulant self-destructive reactions have landed me labeled as a narssasit or when I was younger possibly having the disorder...... how dose one not confuse a petulant self-destructive male borderline as a vulnerable narssasit..... shame is totally what drives my petulance and abandonment and rejection drives my self destruction....... but so meny peole have confused me as a narssasit when I'm a bordelrine I wish you could do a video trying to break down the differences between like a petulant self-destructive borderline and a vulnerable narcissist
He is seeking clarity on this, because of that he is asking the question. And how we can be surethat this is a narsisist and not only deeply traumatized person ? Thank you in advance !
