How to Identify and Put an End to Manipulation in Your Relationships

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In this I discuss combating manipulation in relationships. I share practical strategies to help you recognize and address manipulative behaviors from partners, friends, or family members. Start by identifying signs of manipulation, like guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and coercion, and trust your instincts. Establish clear boundaries by defining your values and limits, and communicate them assertively. Use "I" statements for direct and respectful communication, and build your self-esteem through self-care and positive affirmations. Learn to say no confidently and avoid reacting impulsively to manipulative tactics. By implementing these strategies, you can foster healthier relationships based on trust, respect, and mutual understanding.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles and books in these areas and is the author of:
The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
rb.gy/hdyqyy
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: tinyurl.com/2anv8dww
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
RU-vid: / @drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Dr. Fox’s Blog: www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl...
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
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00:00 Introduction
02:13 Recognizing Manipulative Behaviors
03:03 Guilt Tripping
03:37 Gaslighting
05:00 “Because I said so”
05:16 Playing the Victim
05:52 Coercion and Threats
07:17 Components To Deal With Manipulative Behavior
07:27 Setting Boundaries
09:59 Assertive Communication
12:23 Building Self-Esteem
15:19 Questioning and Validating Reality
16:30 Learning to Say No
18:26 Avoiding Reactivity

Опубликовано:

27 июн 2024

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Комментарии : 47

@Donald401 8 дней назад

I think what makes gaslighting gaslighting and not just lying is that it disrupts your ability to trust your own perception of reality. Love your content! Watching your content has actually inspired me reconsider my career goals.

@Donald401 8 дней назад

Adding on to my own comment here. Have you done any interviews talking about what it’s like to specialize in personality disorders. I find PDs to be fascinating and I like rooting for the underdogs. Thank you!

@mema7474 8 дней назад

I was severely abused by my diagnosed narcissistic mentally ill mother. I started studying teaching part-time and started working. Learning to say no was a deep learning process.

@ramonaharter6407 8 дней назад

Wow she was actually diagnosed I think you need to unlearn everything she taught you. Except those random tidbits that are actually are true do not forget those

@ramonaharter6407 8 дней назад

I am sorry.❤ I wish someone would diagnosed my mother but now she is too old... yeah so it doesn't matter though diagnosis or not no.changer right. It really makes no difference what you do there will never be a change to these people

@mema7474 8 дней назад

I have successfully raised three wonderful adult children, together with my husband. I have unlearned many things with therapy. I still struggle, and that is okay. Life is good 🙏🏻

@mema7474 8 дней назад

@ramonaharter6407 my mother went psychotic at 70 and was only diagnosed then. We had to get a plan together to get her help it wasn't easy.

@BBFCCO733 7 дней назад

There are a lot of rude people in this world. People who treat others like garbage then turn it around and play victim. It is a Terrible world we live in.

@bethtaylor9773 8 дней назад

Really good advice. I had to learn to say no by saying, "I'd rather not today, but thank you." Now I can just say no - or 'hell, no!' depending. Being raised with physical and emotional abuse and ending up marrying someone like my parents made it hard to say no. It's such a freedom to just be able to say no, and people stop expecting you to be manipulation easy. Better set of friends.

@goldie7924 8 дней назад

I turn into child like. I think I've done something wrong . Or that I'm less than. Then people roll over me. Again even the medical field does this because they don't understand us.

@Amused_Comfort_Inc 8 дней назад

I wouldn't say a child because that offends me LMFAO but I definitely understand that feeling or what you mean, like we revert back to old habits, apologizing, giving up, sulking, shutting down. But then when we're split and raging it's the complete opposite and nobody should be within 300 ft of us because everything feels justified, go figure! it's so frustrating lol

@khalil010 7 дней назад

@@Amused_Comfort_Inc ⁠the rage is justified, and i never feel guilty for it AT ALL…. if mfs didn’t “roll over us” then i wouldn’t have the rage to respond. always rage. destroy the enemy - robert green

@k.browno7342 7 дней назад

"Use them every day with everyone you know" I love that you encourage and insist that we use these strategies daily. The more we practice, the better we become at maintaining and respectng our boundaries. Thank you for the timely and easily applicable talking points.

@DrDanielFox 5 дней назад

I'm glad you found the strategies helpful! Keep setting those boundaries.

@rosettesionne9139 3 дня назад

The problem with gaslighting is that it is in between lies and truth. The gaslight say part of a truth and mix it with lies and since the brain can't deal with conflicting information, the confusion will began, making you more vulnerable. Ex; You caught a gaslighter flirting with another person, he/she says they are not flirting, just been overly polite or nice and that the victim is too sensitive and should trust them more. A part of you know they were flirting but the other part of you say that you are imagining things or that you can be indeed sensitive at times. Where is the truth and where is the lie?

@VoiceOfTheDay_98 8 дней назад

When devil can't reach you he sends a narcissistic

@ramonaharter6407 8 дней назад

Aww thanks. I hear what u are saying 100% I'm taking notes but I get it! I guess I just need a reminder

@DrDanielFox 8 дней назад

You got this!

@wolfgangk1 8 дней назад

I'm a therapist and frankly, the trend of encouraging people to expect the planet to respect their "feelings" has backfired. I will not allow my patients to use that word. Assertive communication doesn't have to incorporate a reference to one's "feelings". Your example, "I feel like when you speak up and you mention or you kind of tease me a little bit about what I'm saying it really puts me in a negative light I'd like to ask you not to do that. Instead: I don't appreciate how you tease me, it's not funny. (...and don't engage beyond that--if the person tries it again in a meeting, you simply say, "I've told you that I don't appreciate your teasing me, it's not funny") You don't tell an abusive person that their antics are working, nor do you have to provide an explanation. Communications in America are predicated on petty games. I've noticed engineers have fewer communication issues than teachers or social service workers and they never use the word "feel" or "think". Their language is deliberate. My patients have told me that transiting away from "I feel" and "I think" language was extremely difficult but once established they've found that they're more in control of their space instead of expecting others to defer to their feelings, diminishing their standing/status, transactionally.

@DrDanielFox 8 дней назад

Interesting insight. I always try to be fluid in my perspectives. Thanks for your comment.

@Monipenny1000 7 дней назад

YES!!! You nailed it and explained this so well. I agree 100%. It's important to be assertive and straight to the point. Toxic people do not care about the feelings of others, appealing to that does not work. Thank you for confirming what I always kinda almost subconsciously knew.

@wolfgangk1 7 дней назад

I'd further add. Immediately addressing gives the abuser that you're not going to defer to decorum and exposes the abuser. They bank on you being timid/ "too nice." This approach has a 100% success rate. The abuser may attempt to give the impression that they're well meaning. My advice is to maintain your distance. A leopard can't change its spots.

@chilloften 8 дней назад

Thank you for these scripts on how to handle this. I certainly struggle with how to handle things especially at work long hours in the night. Because you’re also stressed and tired and living abnormal life, and so I’ll freeze or maybe react. I need to build confidence in this area. Thank you Dr Fox for imparting a confidence.

@DrDanielFox 8 дней назад

My pleasure. Be well

@jesuisaviah День назад

Thank you so much. This is what I need.

@DrDanielFox 14 часов назад

Glad it was helpful!

@ramonaharter6407 8 дней назад

100 % totally followed your example of gaslighting lol no wonder I'm so dizzy all the time with vertigo. Vertigo is the physical component of being Gaslight

@estelao.b.1473 8 дней назад

Really? How? I wonder if I have the same. The doctors found no explanation to my dizzinnes

@alnotz 5 дней назад

Now it's clear that I have quiet borderline... but my favourite person (so it's not love??) she has serious BPD and manipulative as well... Are we doomed... that's all ? I was alone for 10 years, and didn't even realize. Now this.

@DrDanielFox 4 дня назад

It sounds like a challenging situation, but remember that understanding and communication are key in any relationship.

@fairygurl9269 8 дней назад

*Smiles "Lookin For Change?"

@fairygurl9269 8 дней назад

"Those Folks Won't Go Away"...... 😓

@chooseaname1423 3 дня назад

Is it common for someone with bpd to use manipulation/gaslighting when they are triggered or trying to prevent abandonment? If your bpd partner is doing that, are they to be lumped in to the statistic about how rare it is for an absuer to change? Or does treating the bpd fix that? What is the safest way to tell a bpd partner they’re using emotional abuse tactics? What boundaries/plan should be in place? If they use these tactics, I want space to recover emotionally and feel safe but that triggers their major abandonment wound. He has been in therapy for 5 years, has shown he is capable of change, he can apologize and take responsibility (though sometimes is initially defensive, but corrects himself after self reflection), he has done 1 year of DBT and did a lot of hard work and knows the skills well, though still struggles to use them during his major triggers. He was emotionally/verbally abused by his mom and ex spouse and I think he learned reactive abuse due to that. I want to give him at least one change to respond/address it, but don’t know how to say it without starting a bpd shame cycle. Also, how do you know if they are using their bpd as an excuse or if they’re actually struggling/working on changing? (He is not yet diagnosed with bpd, but doesn’t tell his therapist about the bpd blow ups…and I don’t know how to address this so he can get the help he really needs/proper diagnosis and treatment). Any advice would be helpful.

@deborahbulthe 8 дней назад

thank you for clarification

@DrDanielFox 8 дней назад

You're most welcome

@kristinmeyer489 8 дней назад

4:28 And crocodiles do the physical version of this, to eat their prey.

@BeeElle-rt8qf 8 дней назад

Thank you

@DrDanielFox 4 дня назад

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

@mac-ju5ot 8 дней назад

Shitying on their obit helps dear

@zuhairreza 8 дней назад

You've even grown some grey hairs from studying manipulative behaviors and tendencies of toxic people all your life, old boy! However, I am enjoying the video. Appreciate your insight! : )

@RippleDrop. 8 дней назад

I was accused of 'gaslighting' when I told my friend, who insisted many times over after I had told the truth - *I wasn't flirting with her boyfriend.* I wish people were a bit more careful when educating about what gaslighting is. Differing opinions aren't gaslighting! And just because you feel another has an intention, it does not mean your interpretation overrides what they meant and telling the truth equals gaslighting because it doesn't align with your paranoia. I found this very hurtful. She accused all her friends and females she met of flirting with him. To this day it does not occur to her, she is the one gaslighting us, that others are doing things they aren't.

@ramonaharter6407 8 дней назад

Really you came here to discuss just got some flirting problems? No way...omg...it is u tho 100% guarantee

@ramonaharter6407 8 дней назад

I'l Click those lego lady lol

@ramonaharter6407 8 дней назад

I will guarantee you are flirting with all of them you are the problem that's why you just said all those f****** words that made no sense